Emily Ratajkowski Celebrates Divorce
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- čas přidán 12. 09. 2024
- Supermodel Emily Ratajkowski recently glamorized getting a divorce young and even went so far as to call it “chic”. Shockingly, I disagree with her take. Let’s talk about it.
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I think that those who promote getting a divorce are just jealous that they made poor life decisions and are upset that they can’t keep a loyal relationship
yes
Just jealous and sad because they failed at marriage and at life in total
Anyone who feels sorry for themselves and point fingers / biiich and moan about how tough life is, i automatically ignore. There 8 billion ppl on this planet. We all go through some S.
Hell theres ppl out there with no arms or legs .. Burn victims & even worse! They stay headstrong and keep going and look at these sorry asses. Crying. Complaining.
Good gawd it's pathetic !!!!
Most of them are women using a man for alimony and child support. ALl we men are is work horses in most women's eyes.
Some of them got cheated on l think they made the right choice to divorce unfaithful partner
My wife passed away after 52 years of marriage. Life was perfect and that's no surprise but we were committed to making it work and it did. It's been almost 3 years and I miss her so.
I'm sorry to hear that. I'm also happy that the two of you had 52 years together, that's something great.
This is so special and inspiring :,) I hope to find and nurture a love that lasts that long. May you be at peace in her passing
I’m sorry for your loss.
I'm so sorry for your loss
I’m so sorry ❤
Don’t listen to Emily, she’s coping hard. I was divorced at 27, nothing to brag about. Fight for your marriage unless you have no other options.
Thank you for the advice
@desperateneedofscotchindeed in America women get bored in less than a year then cause problems out of boredom and pettiness
@desperateneedofscotch depends if u found a good man/woman to marry who’s values align with urs, its not impossible but more like rare to come by
I agree, up until recently people are generally heart broken by divorce. Now we're suppose to believe it's cool to split up?
@desperateneedofscotch i mean as i said just find someone who’s values/politics/ etc align with urs and u wont have that issue, i never fight with my husband over petty thingsxP we going pretty good tbh and i couldnt be any happier
Marriage isn’t a fantasy, it’s a promise and a commitment.
Disney forgot to tell us this 👆
Oaths should mean something.
True. Marriage and family are hard work, duty and sacrifice.
Exactly, vows have their stand, otherwise why do they exist?
Got married at 21 and people really questioned me and were like oh your so young your losing out on everything. I’ll be 30 this year and I’m still very much in love with my husband as the day we married. Yes there’s been some bumps (especially in that first year) but we’ve learned how to work things out and know that divorce is not even on the table.
That whole you’re getting married too young thing annoys me. People lose their virginity at younger ages but no one says anything about that.
People treat marriage as something disposable now. “Till death do us part” ends up being “Till I no longer feel happy to be with you.”
Or just until they get bored
So fucked up
Usually it's the woman using the man in the long term. As a work horse.
@@Cocytusno it isn't "till death do us part" when it is abusive marriage
I think that noone normal would say that
So, if someone is with an abusive person, is it not justified to get a divorce because the person is making life miserable? Does "till death do us part" mean that people have to accept abuse and being unhappy?
Think before you type next time. What you said isn't only inaccurate, it's stupid. People can change and sometimes not for the better. People can become abusive and create an unhappy life. It's not smart to stay in this type of relationship just because of the line "till death do us part". NO, it doesn't work that way. Anyone staying in a bad unhappy relationship, and the bad person is not willing to change, it's stupid. That's stupid. Your comment is also stupid.
@@aya_and_kitties Context is important. Another reason why the original comment is stupid. Makes it out like you gotta stay no matter what, even if not happy.
I'm 31 and twice divorced. I can't even begin to explain how devastating it was (and still is) for my kids and myself. I hate divorce. It is not chic and shouldn't be glorified. I started to cry typing this and wouldn't wish it on anyone. Everything about this culture makes me sick.
cool
I have had a very similar experience, I'm with someone new and I really love her but I'm so scared it's going to happen again...
I would have never guessed in a million years I'd lose my first wife.
I agree with you, girl.
It's painful and sickening. 😢
God bless you.
Lol then stop simping for chad and pick the right one dood.. 🤣 wtf where u thinking? Kids and you let the husband get away? Wow...bet your on child support. Your main focus now should be your child and raising them right like a single father would. Its not right you deprived the child of a father. You shouldnt be so vain when choosing a man cause you thought he was tall and handsome. But that times over...kid first your selfish desires after.
It’s sad even more sad that people like that try to glorify Divorce and encourage people to believe that marriage is a bad thing. More marriages are failing or not happening because of the whole attitude about getting married in the first place. We are not perfect, so we will not have perfect marriages, but when you love someone and your in it for the right reasons, then you worked together towards the success of the relationship. Dating should be for the purpose of marriage and should be done carefully not recreationally but many have been dating recreationally over years , and not taking serious the sanctity of marriage leading to less and less respect for the union. Another major component thing is that parents are not raising their children with the proper understanding of dating and marriage. They are even pushing their kids start dating at very young ages or think it’s cute to say that their five year olds have girlfriends or boyfriends when they don’t even understand yet who they are. I never understood this!?? Marriages are hard for adults yet along for children and teens, most of the time as adults we struggle to understand the complexity and emotional aspects of a relationship and how to maneuver through it. God, installed the marriage arrangement, so what better insight and direction can we get than from him for the success of it. Unfortunately everything that our creator put in place for our care and happiness is being mocked and torn apart. None other than Satan is influencing this world so now this generation says marriage is bad people are confused about their genders, men Want to physically get pregnant, Prostitution is legal weed smoking, and other drugs are also legal/ being endorsed and encouraged too and so on…. Second Timothy 3:1-5 describes the times that we live in to a T.
I had a female coworker talking to a few other girls, talking loud where everyone could hear. She told them she already had planned to marry the first guy that came along, get a big house built with a new car, then divorce him and clean him out. I spoke up and let her know, I will be his witness against her when she did this.
She’s delusional most men wouldnt fall for this trap thoxP
Good. The poor guy's gonna need someone on his side.
Should have made that commitment without telling her. That way you’d be a surprise witness.
@desperateneedofscotch That won't happen, I learned a long time ago, always have witnesses on my side when talking to females. I won't even get on elevators with one when I'm by myself.
By her saying that, she basically admitting that she's planning on committing fraud. And that is a punishable offense.
I was married at 19 to my high school sweetheart and I’m still married and now have 3 children. We are almost at our 22nd anniversary and we are still very much in love! No divorce before 30 isn’t chic, don’t make a new destructive trend that will ruin people’s lives forever!! If you don’t want to hear about people that stick it out in the hard times and make it work, then don’t shove it in peoples faces as though they are just weak women! There is nothing weak about marking a commitment and sticking with it!
Right on. The trend i see in successful marriages is exactly this. Sticking it out and perservering. Looks like all the successfully married folks did just that.
Hollyweirds are sad people. And people who worship and listen to their bs are way more sad.
btw he's 1000% cheating on you. xx
@@AJ-dn6ej oh well thanks for letting me know that my husband who you don’t know is doing that!
@@AJ-dn6ejwhat the fuck 💀💀
I'm a child of divorce and it was the most justified divorce ever. We're not talking about falling out love, we're talking constant physical and verbal abuse on a daily basis. When my parents got divorced it was STILL devastating because even though most of that abuse was going away, there was still the uncertainty of the future. How would my single mom provide for 3 kids? What was I losing by not having a father around all the time? I remember I was 7 years old and my mother told me she was going to take her maiden name back. I had tears in my eyes . "So you're going to be different than me?" She felt guilty and didn't change her name...but she never let me forget it either. The point is, divorce is never happy and if it is I'm sure your kids feel otherwise.
I got married at 19 to a very abusive man. I was lucky to get out 2 years later. I certainly wouldn’t call that chic. It was sad, traumatic, and truly embarrassing to have to be a statistic. Remarried at 27 to an amazing man and I wish he was my first and only husband. Though I probably wouldn’t have appreciated him had I not understood how awful things could be. Don’t rush into marriage. Take it carefully and choose wisely and you won’t feel that marriage is awful
I have a similar story. Glad you found your current husband. 😊
Now, this is good advice on the topic.
At 19 I really thought that I will get married with my first boyfriend
And he turnd out to be an abuser and a cheater
I'm glad it never happened
So I can only imagine how life would be if I did marry that guy
It ended couple years ago
But I hope that at 27 I will be married to someone great but not rushing anything 😊
That is a really good reason to divorce. But these celebrities want the wedding. Not the marriage. And all the work that goes into it. And the husband of your heart came into your life at the perfect time. ❤
@@davidmorse2149 well I knew what marriage entailed and I was ready for it. I wasn’t ready to be given a concussion on my birthday, get a broken nose in my sleep, or the emotional abuse that has left scars for a lifetime. What would be better is someone identifying red flags and warning signs before getting married to unsafe people.
As a child of divorce, there is nothing more damaging to a child than seeing your parents separate on bad terms. It's also horrible seeing them suffer as well. My mother was divorced three times. It never got easier and each time it made things worse for us. Divorce is not a flex, it's a horrible ordeal for everyone involved especially kids.
Exactly what I was going to say. This is bad 💔
My childhood was completely ruined when my parents got divorced. My stepmom was an alcoholic and abusive monster. I had to endure that from middle school till graduation. Divorce isn’t something anyone should brag about especially when you consider the kids.
For those of us who lost our significant other in our 30's, we see this "trend" as disgusting and think to ourselves "if they only knew". 🤦♀️🤔🤨
They know exactly what it's like to be a wife and they are smart enough to get the hell out of there! 🏃♀️
THIS. I feel like this when children are involved, for sure.
Meh. I'm sure you pass up nice guys all the time.
80% of divorce is filed by wammenz....but of course it's never their fault.
@@The_Foreigner_Beltoh no not another bitter "nice guy". Being a decent human being isnt anything special nor means you deserve a relationship.
I've been happily married for 14 years now and still going strong. I couldn't imagine my life without my husband. It makes me sad to see young people take marriage so flippantly and throw it away at a moment's notice. People have forgotten what a beautiful thing marriage really is.
I'm still young and I would love to get married, but divorce scares me so much. My parents got divorced when I was 14, a time where I was struggling incredibly with the stress of high school and emotional toll of just being a teenager. Even though my parents' divorce was relatively smooth, the whole process was horrible. And because I am a hopeless romantic, it broke me that my parents were no longer together, just looking at their wedding photos made me burst into tears. This is why I'm scared of marrying someone that I will divorce in the future- the emotional toll it took on me was gigantic. To think that people are proud to be divorced just amazes me.
I see where you’re coming from.
My parents divorced when I was 15 and although it was a actually not an ugly divorce - it still crushed me.
It’s affected me for decades. It still hurts.
I did get married. However we were together for 12 years before marrying.
I don’t think it was a bad thing for me to wait so long to marry, because during those 12 years before marriage, we went through a lot together.
Going through what we did actually made us stronger together and it showed me how well we work in times of crisis.
I could then marry this person knowing that we could get through anything together, because we already had and it only made us love each other more.
What I’m saying is don’t give up on marriage, I still believe in it…just don’t rush into it.
Married my wife when she was 22 and I was 28. We will celebrate 60 years in November. She is now in a nursing home and I see her everyday. She is always happy to see me. Things are messed up today because of rampant narcissism.
Feminism.
Congratulations! 60 years together is truly something to celebrate! I applaud you and your wife for your commitment, especially with her being in a nursing home now. I know that is hard to deal with.
Just as the Bible predicted.
"This know also, that in the last days perilous times shall come. For men shall be lovers of their own selves, covetous, boasters, proud, blasphemers, disobedient to parents, unthankful, unholy, without natural affection, trucebreakers, false accusers, incontinent, fierce, despisers of those that are good, traitors, heady, highminded, lovers of pleasures more than lovers of God; having a form of godliness, but denying the power thereof: from such turn away.
For of this sort are they which creep into houses, and lead captive silly women laden with sins, led away with divers lusts, ever learning, and never able to come to the knowledge of the truth."
2 Timothy 3:1-7
@@Ayverie4 you hit the nail on the head.
I don't know if it's narcissism exactly. More like just not being properly socialized. I think a lot of people who seem narcissistic would like a deep connection with other people but can't do it and can't find anyone else who can do it if they could.
I was divorced at 23, and it was awful. I am ashamed I made such a terrible choice in a husband.
Don't be ashamed, at least you probably grew as a person and are choosing better now, plus you were young, how would you possibly know how it would turn out anyway?
@@jacksparrow9227 Don't commit on something you're not prepared for in first place, just as simple as that.
@@jacksparrow9227 As nice as that sentiment is, it completely removes any responsibility for someone's choice in partner. While some people might change over time, it's not a game of chance, it's an informed choice. Some people choose poorly, especially while young, that's just how it is.
@@sirshrooma thank you for this comment, the sentiment sounds very sweet but we can't ignore responsibility
It's ok, people make mistakes. The important thing is that you learn with them and move on.
As a Christian, I can only say divorce should only be an option if one of your spouses is unfaithful. Marriage is supposed to be a holy union, people like Emily are ruining it. The incentive to get married should be for building a beautiful future with someone you love, and plan to spend the rest of your life with that person forever. Grow in a relationship with your spouse and grow in a relationship with God.
What about physical abuse?
I would say abuse can be a reason too, especially physical one
@@ad8447why did they marry someone who was a threat to them? There are almost always signs or events that happen before marriage, provided they didn't rush into the marriage, which is stupid to begin with.
@@adaelion3772my aunt was married to an abuser but he didn’t have any warning signs until after they tied the knot (though they were together for years). Sometimes there aren’t warning signs with abuse. Sometimes people change for the worse.
Emily’s husband did cheat on her. She didn’t divorce him randomly for no reason
I just got married, I’m 28 and My wife is 30. Her and I know it won’t always be sunshine and rainbows but we will work it out during the hard times. A lot of people aren’t willing to work it out
And that’s fine.
“Divorce makes you feel like an adult.” So does learning to communicate with your SO and work through your problems together
How has their divorce personally affected you?
@@Tammy8823the cumulation of all of the divorce has completely changed the atmosphere of relationships, that’s why men are not interested in relationships and marriage because of the laws and risk and being unappreciated
I’m a marriage of family therapist and I’ve worked with hundreds of couples to figure out and improve their marriages. I totally agree that the culture of marriage has changed over the last few years. Something will last forever if both partners work hard at it.
Don''t make me laugh. Women bail when they get bored or unhappy.
@@doctordetroit4339 Now that is just flat out downright sexist, because all of the genders/sexes do that depending on the person
@@jacksparrow9227 Nah doctordetroit4339 is talking facts here. Women now days want just one thing: Self preservation, which is powered up by pure feminazism. 2023 women are not interested in making a long term family anymore, some of them doesn't even want to commit for real, they just get into marriage in order to get some financial benefits from it. That's how it is now. Marriage is a business.
@@jacksparrow9227 Men aren't 80% of the ones initiating the divorce tho
@@jacksparrow9227found the leftist simp.
Since i was 14 years old I was dating the guy who I thought it was going to be my forever happy ending.... Got married when I was 17 and got divorced when I was 29, and let me tell you, the process was so DAMM horrible. Not to mention the amount of therapy I've been going through to this day because of the break up, and now I'm 36. I have trust issues, stress, panic attacks, anxiety, among some other things, and I haven't been able to romantically connect with anyone else since my divorce....
Marriage is a commitment, and it's a holy a contract... Like you said, till death do us appart (unless divorced is the only answers for obvious reasons), but other than that, marriage is something to fight for...
These crazy ungrateful girls are in love with the idea of getting married. (Wearing a white beatiful dress, they are obsessed with the attention around them, the shopping, etc..) They are not in love with the person that they are getting married in to.... how can you be around 30 years old and have 4 divorces????? These girls need more therapy than me, to be honest.....
Thank you for sharing. I truly hope you find everything you are searching for ❤
What about the single young women who knowingly get involved with married men so they can proudly say “might steal your boo” on their instagram bio? That’s what the hoe in my case did. Of course I blame my husband but I detest that hoe. I’m still with my husband because we have three young kids, he regrets it, and I am not a quitter or selfish, I see my choices as affecting more than me. I put my children first.
I wish all the worst of the worst upon this hoe. I hope no man will ever even consider marrying her
@@PunsandPixelsSorry to hear that, I hope your husband does better and you have an honorable life together
I’m sorry to hear you’ve gone through that. Not to be mean, but you also provide a great example as to the issues people will have (especially women) when they return to the dating market. No guy wants a traumatized woman, and I am sure it’s not particularly popular for women towards men, either.
@@hornetguy9063 oh I don’t know, there are many men that have the shining knight desire to save the damsel in distress. Many women use this to make guys feel bad for them so they can ensnare them. Some of course are legitimate, and good women. But as a woman I can 100% say God gave us the ability to be extremely manipulative. Some use that for good to motivate their husbands to be better. Others use it for evil. That is why I hate the hoe in my case. “Might steal your boo” on her ig bio? She’s those stupid girls that gets her self esteem from thinking they “stole” a guy. She painted this sob story for my husband and he started getting emotionally attached. Then he told her that he wasn’t the type of guy who sleeps around, which is true, we both married as virgins. But I KNOW women, that was the STUPIDEST thing he could have said because in her mind what she said was “GAME ON”. And sure enough, as soon as she got what she wanted she wanted to end things, thankfully he was regretting what he did and was thankful she wanted to end it.
She should go on the whatever podcast, she’d fit in perfectly with all these hoes. Hahaha and her friend recently got engaged to a rich guy. Witch must be so flippen jealous! I hope she never marries, I hope men see her for what she is, a low class woman. Trash, absolute trash.
I contacted her church and so she had to loose the “might steal your boo” bio hahahaha. I’ve never hated anyone, but I hate her. It’s depressing that women like this actually exist.
From a 33 year old millennial whose been married for 8 years, if you are getting married counting on living every day with the twitterpated feeling you had throughout dating, you'll be in for a rude awakening.
What real marriage is is coming home to someone every day that you trust and feel safe with. It's having someone to go through doing taxes with, bringing babies home from the hospital with, and doing a thousand mundane every day things with.
You don't even always have to like each other, but you are building a life with them because you trust them and are committed to them, and have chosen to love them.
I was married shortly after turning 18 in 1998. 5 kids by 23 in 2004. After years of abuse separated at 26 in 2007. Finalized divorce by 29 in 2009. I still to this day feel guilty for not being able to make my marriage last. I (at 43) still dream of being married and having that commitment. It's sad that people see marriage this way. It's scary and very lonely not knowing if I'll have someone by my side in my last years.
This is a great video. As a data scientist, I know the divorce rate is often cited as about 50%. For those who do not get divorced, infidelity or states of apathy can still occur. The actual fraction of couples who maintain a feeling of "marital bliss" with content for the long haul is about < 20%. A good analogy is the Leadville 100 miles run in the Rocky Mountains of Colorado. It's not uncommon for less than 50% of the runners to finish the race. Even for runners who finish, there are many times in the run when they are on the verge of dropping out. It's rare to find a runner who had some degree of running a "comfortable pace" with low stress for the entire race. Marriage is like that - most people burn out and get divorced, have an affair, or just live in apathetic states of being like roommates raising children while the romance is gone. As Paramore's singer Hayley Williams stated after her marriage failed - "Marriage is not for the faint of heart".
I was a product of divorce as well. My parents split and got divorced right before I was 3. I hardly remember them together, but it ended up being the best thing for everyone. My parents both found someone they spent the rest of their lives with for 30+ years, and I got a larger family. I've been married 16+ years and have been with the best wife I could have wished for. Our two daughters are doing well and hopefully have good role models for when they get into relationships. Divorce being promoted as something easily viable is the problem. People don't take wedding vows serious anymore.
cool
My parents got divorced and remarried, I got abused by my step parent. It did permanent damage that still affects my life as an adult.
Vows mean nothing nowadays to most people unfortunately. I’ve also noticed a big wave in people leaving their spouses during or after they fight cancer. Very odd when your spouse is sick/terminal and need each other the most- they leave instead. Or when divorce happens after 30+yrs, how can you come so far and still fail? So tragic.
Often times with the 20+ or 30+ year divorces it is because the marriage fell apart much sooner but they stayed together for the sake of their children.
@@adaelion3772 that is boggling to me. If there is no infidelity after 20-30 years, but the kids just got older, their vows meant nothing to each other.
Divorce in a way is the same with mental health issues.. It went from being to a shameful thing (to be hidden and suppressed), to something to be honest about (and getting appropriate support), and now something to achieve!
Imagine the feelings of the ex husbands of all these women putting their divorce on blast? If the roles were reversed and men were bragging about their divorces, you know they'll be called misogynistic.. 🤔
I have a feeling something went down that makes them want to get back at their ex husbands. That explains the attitude going into these things, but no matter what happened, if they had to dip out, they need to get healing and move forward.
They can say that it's just removing stigma, But painting it as 'chic' seems something more. A married soccer mom with a second hand minivan could be absolutely ecstatic with her life, but domesticity - even happy domesticity - is most definitely not chic. Seeing thing in terms of fashionability seems aggressively narcissistic and it's torching the prospect of a relationship down the track with someone who wants to settle down rather than play house for a while. Even just being glib and thoughtless on a public forum is going to turn off any number of potential future partners.
It's not gallant. In any relationship breakdown, there's the question of "who was the cad?". If you married someone and didn't bother to demonstrate any faith and cheated on the other party, before leaving them broken, I wouldn't see that as chic. If it's unquestionably chic without sorting out the question of whether you've left human wreckage in your wake, it seems like social permission to be an absolute monster and be proud of it.
He cheated on her so he deserves it, I don't see what's the problem here.
Been to both guys' AND women's divorce parties since I was a kid in 70's and early 80's (yes, they've been a real thing for quite awhile now) Friends of Mom's. Wasn't allowed to partake of the bar, but lots of fun anyway.
@@victorcates9330
Hear you. But sometimes you just start going in different directions and drift apart in several levels. No drama, no cheating, no monstrous behaviour. It happens. And if you're fortunate enough to have no kids, each partner has their own career, finances, and no shared accounts, its pretty clean, easy, no muss no fuss. No harm, no foul.
I was widowed at 27 with an 18mo old child. I can assure everyone dating in your 30s, especially as a mother, is not something to aspire to. They're projecting. This is sad. Men might accept one divorce before 30, but they're still going to think it lowers your value. More divorces=less desireable.
As a happy passport bro, almost 26, I am so glad that my wife does not have this mindset. She could've asked for a divorce many times but decided to love me through my worst times. You said it right, Brett. Mariage is a covenant. We aren't perfect, but we work together to improve one another and it TAKES TIME. Our generation wants things way too quickly and expext a "refund" when things don't live up to expectations.
I turned 30 a few months after celebrating my 10th wedding anniversary with my husband. Part of what gave me so much peace and calmness going into my 30s was having a happy strong marriage.
❤❤
Congratulations! I hope you and your husband will continue to celebrate your wedding anniversary many, many years from now!
@r8343 dude, who hurt you? There's absolutely nothing wrong with getting married in your early twenties if you and your partner are both committed to making the relationship last.
I married my husband when I was 19 and he was 22. Three years later, we're still happily married and are looking forward to a long life together. We were each other's first and only sexual partner, and neither of us have any regrets. And if I went back in time, I wouldn't change a thing.
I got married at 19 as well. If you both take the commitment seriously and understand the purpose of marriage, there's nothing to be afraid of.
@@holographicwingWhat are you talking about? I was married at 20. Been married for 30 years now. Apparently you don't have a grasp on what love is.
As a 19 year old man who’s never been in a relationship, seeing how women have been acting & treating men makes me happy that I’m single. I know not all women are like this obviously, but the sheer amount of women like this actually makes me scared to even get into a relationship, let alone marriage.
The wifeable percentage of women in the US is probably 1-2%. This is why I ended up marrying an Asian foreign national.
@@stevec3526 smart man
Avoid places that kind of women like and you’ll have way better chances to interact with better women.
cool become an incel
become a passport bro
I was 5 when my parents divorced, and it devastated me. I've been married 23 years, and did not make the same mistakes.
I know soooo many friends and women in my Muslim community who are/have been divorced early on and there is NOTHING chic about it. Some are getting closer to 40 now and desperate to find a life partner now and it's getting harder and harder. Many men have kids already and bills to pay, they see the way society encourages immaturity so they rather be alone raising their kids and co parenting with the mother of their kids, than learning to live with a person again while raising and protecting their children's sanity in a crazy world. One of my close friends has just been divorced for the 4th time and she is a little over 35.
My husband and I have had issues, small and major, but we work it out. We have come close to splitting a few times, but ultimately, we chose eachother and our kids. Got married at 19, now 32 with many kids together (I'm scared of saying how many we have cause ppl like to judge 😅) and when we see our community so broken, we get often discouraged. Our religion says:"divorce is the only things God made permissible that He dislikes." Meaning it isn't mandatory to stay married, you're allowed to divorce, but it should be avoided as much as possible. Also, a person who encourages a split between a husband and his wife is committing a grave sin.
These ppl encouraging this will have karma bite them in the behind.
I was divorced before 30 because my ex husband became physically abusive towards the end of our relationship. He was very controlling and had anger issues. I was so young and thought this was a normal healthy relationship. We were high school sweethearts from 16, married at 20 and were together til 25. Divorce was my way out to protect my life.
Exactly! I’ve been in a similar situation. I do not advocate divorce, but there are legitimate reasons to, and people don’t realize that. If your ex wasn’t going to change his abusive behavior, you have the right to protect yourself.
Too many people these days are treating marriage like the modern concept of dating. It’s no wonder that people are willing to divorce so easily.
15-20 years ago, the popular trend among young Hollywood celebs was to get engaged as soon as they started dating. 😂 And then they'd break up after a few months, rinse-repeat. It was as if getting engaged was seen as nothing more than a means of starting to get acquainted with someone. Nowadays it seems this trend has escalated to getting married and divorced as quickly as possible. 😂
@@kuyt20 Really? I wasn’t aware of that. Though that could explain this modern trend.
So many people want to be a micro celebrity these days. Live the celebrity life and have a little social media following so you can pretend you’re famous. Date around town, have your pick. But no need to develop a skill or achieve anything real. At least celebrities in the past used to have to create something.
cool
I think alot of people go way overboard with it all now too... like they're only doing it for that big lush party to feel like a celebrity for a day it seems... the average wedding in the UK costs around £18,000, in the USA its around $30,000 in todays ages too..
just read thats increased by 6% this last couple years as well, deffo think that's part of it, like its 'all for show' to seem more the celebritys, its not really because they want to be committed to each other it seems init..
It always ends up in those situations they're stressed after the wedding because of all the debt from it too... like a really bad cycle that always ends in divorce anyway init
Never thought being married could be turned into such a business transaction
That’s all it really is and has been for the very great majority of women. Truly.
marriage is business that is the truth it is not holy
Marriage always WAS a business transaction for land, money, power etc. It wasn't till the 18th century
that people lost their minds and even started to marry for love ( and that was only in Western
cultures ) The madness spared most of the rest of the world. for generations.
@@cactaceousand men as well
@@minnamandariini4843 Men don’t really gain much other than legally binding companionship. The majority of men don’t expect to utilize women’s resources and don’t even consider her financial assets in the equation. Men know that women are self centered enough to expect the men to provide his resources financially. Less than 4% of all men will earn any alimony in the case of a divorce and less than 25% of all men will collect child support. Women take half or more of a man’s assets, collect alimony and child support. Reason why most men don’t want to or even need to marry now a days. #Equality We live in a fully gynocentric society where women have more advantages, freedoms and opportunities granted to them from the guilt ridden affirmative action initiatives that created the matriarchy, yet, equality only when it suits women.
My parents had been threatening each other with divorce since I was 5. My sister and I would get asked which parent we wanted to live with and it was so hard as a child to understand the concept of what was going on. This went on for years to the point where their arguments would become so aggressive, that my sister and I would jump in my car when we were teenagers and leave the house and just go anywhere to get away from them. Both her and I joined the military when we got older to get away from that life, and once my parents realized that we were gone, they were literally all they had. Our absense surprisingly strengthed their marriage and they started going on dates again and spending more time with each other. They've now been together for 33 years.
Wow so the moral of the story is them having children is what really made them wanted to break up until you guys left? Lol
@@lemax4277 dude I don't even know. I thought it was weird tbh but good on them lol I guess if they were toxic parenting then I must have been toxic childing
Fault fully falls on them, not you two.
SAME HERE. Except they are still toxic lol
I'm so sorry, I hope your sister and you are doing better ❤
Being divorced, I can tell you that it hurt both of us. My ex had psychological issues that she needed to deal with which caused most of our issues. Now that she's had therapy and worked through them, we get along well, as friends. We both agree that if we had sought serious help, we could've saved what we built. Marriage isn't a disposable thing, and divorce really does break your soul.
Really respect Brett’s commentary.. she is fiercely brave and honest.. this take is amazing.. I hope she is always able to tackle difficult subjects and convey values that desperately need to be conveyed and heard. Big respect. Thanks Brett ☺️
I came out of an Abusive 9-year marriage this year! I found happiness, but I am not happy being divorced, because I did not go into a marriage just to get a divorce. I married the wrong person and now here I am. When I get the chance to get married again I will!
Why get married again if you were already abused? Men switch up after marriage, you never know who they really are.
@@godpilled9077 Because not every man is like my ex, there are decent men out here who can be loving husbands. that's why
@@QueenBee497I hope you find someone to build a really nice relationship :)
And you were an innocent angel no doubt
@@doctordetroit4339 Well... He was my first boyfriend turned husband, so yeah, the whole experience was new to me, but I wasn't stupid to provoke him to hit me, so he resorted to mental and emotional abuse for nine years straight, I was 28 he 35 and I ran when I was 38. People always try to downplay abuse victims, like we are lying. I am not from the USA, where many women lie about it. I am from a whole other continent, I didn't even know he was doing that until I spoke with a police officer who pointed everything out to me and that's where my eyes were opened to his systemic abuse.
My wife and I just celebrated our 32nd wedding anniversary on 09/14/2023. We met at the age of 17 and are both soon to be 57. I'm hoping for a life time with her every day. We have had many arguments and disappointing moments in life bur we have always worked through them and will continue to do so. I LOVE MY WIFE. And I honestly believe she is more beautiful today than in the past. as every day we both improve upon each other.
A very rare accomplishment.
Congratulations on the 32nd anniversary! What a wonderful milestone!
Are you from the USA?
My wife was divorced twice by age 26. When she finally found the right guy (me) it took her a bit before she decided she could marry me. We were married 27 years before she succumbed to brain cancer.
The person who you chose to love and chose you is so terrible that they are something you need freedom from. I really can't imagine why it did not last. When you stop seeing your partner as your friend and they become enemy and not the person you chose of it will fail. Divorce is a broken sacred promise. No matter what the reasons something special broke that should be mourned not celebrated.
Going on 20 years of being married with two grown children now. The thought that people consider working on a long lasting relationship as insane just boggles my mind. I hear so much from the young how they want to "find the one" but none of them want to put the effort it takes into building and fostering a close intimate relationship with their partners. Relationships are work. Partners, and yourself, will mess up. It's just HOW you handle the issues, work through them and forgive one another, love each other...that matters at the end of the day.
I don’t get people anymore, we went from wanting to be married and sticking to that partner for life to now a 6 month marriage or something
It is so sad
I want to get married and have a family kids and all
And it is so hard to find someone who wants to even get married at all
It is like noone wants to get married
So upside down
My parents' marriage wasn't always happy, I learned as an adult that there were times that divorce was discussed, and looking back, I can identify when those times probably were. I'm grateful they were both too stubborn to go that route. Since learning that I've learned that marriage is something to work at and fight for. There are definitely some attributes of a happy marriage that I have had go learn from other couples, but I am grateful that my parents were able to show me that marriage is worth hanging on to.
Divorce is not an accomplishment
It is not something to be happy about (not talking if it was abusive)
It is sad
For the kids and parents
How are you not sad that someone you were supposed to love and love you for the rest of your lives just quit it just like that
People these days don't want to work on anything
Relationships marriages are just like a fing game to people that you can just stop playing when you are bored
World is going to shit 😒
Divorce can be one.
@@That_One_Guy434 yeah you can be happy if you got out of an a abusive marriage or if there was cheating
But otherwise i don't see why would divorce be good?
Womminz will ALWAYS claim "abuse". The term no longer has meaning.
Divorce is a path to freedom for abused women. It's a very good thing.
@@dawn3589 Yeah when it is abuse that you are divorcing
That is good but
But if u are divorcing just becaouse you are bored then you should never even been married
Divorce is mostly a bad thing
It’s sad to see someone with a son glorify a broken relationship and running away when things get hard and she no longer wants any accountability. Divorces traumatize people. It brings wounds and scars. It’s not a game or something you claim chic. I wonder what her childhood and relationship with her parents are like. It affects the way someone is wired. Especially people who can’t understand or even take the time to learn their own shadow side and only know how to play victim while blaming everything else like her. With the meta world, people think they can just throw off advice based off of their own personal world and experience. People get influenced by them. Especially young women and men who lack guidance in their lives. Her advice is toxic and lacks logic and maturity . She sounds like an angry child who doesn’t know how to cope. Stay safe and be aware of who you listen and what you allow to influence your minds. ❤
I disagree. Yes some kids can be affected and traumatised with divorce but I was pretty damn happy when my parents slip up and I think they should have split up sooner to be honest. It’s actually worse for kids in my opinion to know that their parents want to break up but are keeping together for them. I grew up much happier for my parents knowing they cut the cord because they could now be free from a loveless relationship and don’t feel the need to stay for me. So no I don’t agree that you have to stay together for the kids that’s toxic in itself imo
@@jorgeandrade783 Again that’s based on your personal experience. The statistics of broken family home from divorced parents outweigh that. Especially the ones who cannot be mature enough to coparent. In fact look at the generation of today. People divide themselves as a red pill and blue pill. That’s ridiculous. And the process of two people going through divorce should not be praised. It’s a horrible thing regardless of what you say. You are still wounded by the process as you mentioned. You wished they ended it soon and by the sounds of it their relationship prior before divorce affected you because they couldn’t communicate and not allow their child to be a pawn in their feud. Their marriage is broken the moment they couldn’t communicate, be honest with each other and allowed you to witness it. A lot of parents drags their kids into court and use them in their feud. I’m sorry if that happened to you. But you can’t deny their divorce didn’t shape your world view and caused some type of trauma.
@@giftgjbc Yes its personal experience however it’s still important to recognise for me I preferred that they ended it when they did rather than staying for me and there are other people that would feel the same. Staying for the kids just results in more arguments; fights which is also harmful to kids too. Also just because the parents aren’t together doesn’t mean boyh can’t still be involved. My parents broke up but I still am close with my dad. Your parents don’t physically need to be together for you to keep relationships with both your parents. Situations where the kid has lost contact with one parent yes that can be damaging but in situations where your parents divorce but you still are close with your other parent? People conflate single parent homes with kids losing touch with both parents. Doesn’t mean to be that way. As long as both parents are involved in some capacity in the child’s life the damages are minimised. Much better to cut the cord if both people are miserable which obviously rubs off on the kids. Divorce and break ups are a part of life. It happens. You can’t stop people from breaking up. It happens it’s a natural cycle of life as sad as it can be
And no their separation caused little trauma in me because I knew they were together for me mainly so I was actually happy that they ended it. I think they should have ended it sooner personally. So I had zero trauma from their break up. You can’t just assume every kid whose parents break up is traumatised that’s a poor assumption. Everyone’s different you can’t just flat line assume I’m traumatised by my parents breaking up. I was actually happy for them because I knew they would be better of breaking up than staying. Some people accept break ups better than others and everyone’s built different
Some people suffer but others not so much. As long as both parents do their best to keep touch with the kid and be good parents even after divorce no point staying in a loveless marriage
@@giftgjbc This is from an article I found on impacts of divorce on kids. So it states that the first year is usually tough on kids but it gets easier as time goes like anything in life but parents can smoothen up the process by being involved in child’s life even with divorce. It’s like going through a break up right the first few months, year or so always tough but it gets easier as time goes by. Trauma for divorce/ break ups rarely last a lifetime even with children. People grow to get used to it and deal with it and I think most kids can eventually grow to accept because even children to some accept would realise that its a part of life
“ Why the First Year Is the Toughest
As you might expect, research has found that kids struggle the most during the first year or two after the divorce.2 Kids are likely to experience distress, anger, anxiety, and disbelief.
But many kids seem to bounce back. They get used to changes in their daily routines and they grow comfortable with their living arrangements. Others, however, never really seem to go back to “normal.” This small percentage of children may experience ongoing-possibly even lifelong-problems after their parents’ divorce.”
Source- www.verywellfamily.com/psychological-effects-of-divorce-on-kids-4140170
I am also twice divorced by 30 but it was NOT my choice. It was absolutely devastating. I do see marriage as an eternal covenant. Am I better for it ending? Yes, because as I now know through over a year of therapy, I was being abused. I can celebrate my healing journey but I do not celebrate the divorce. I have had to grieve the loss of an entire life and I loved his family like my own. I thank God that we did not have kids yet to drag through the mess. I am getting the help I need to make sure my next marriage is my forever marriage because even though I've been through the wringer I still aspire to have someone to build a family with. Divorced women are strong because we were forced to be strong.
The problem when you say "making a life long commitment" is that most women I've met no longer see it as a life long thing...they see it as a "as long as it makes me happy" thing.
They only want a lifetime paycheck
That's just how modern society sees marriage. Thanks no-fault divorce laws. :(
I also think that marriage today isn’t about happily ever after it’s about the wedding day! The tens of thousands of dollars you spend on dresses and parties and flowers and cake. Then what are you do the day after the week after the month after. That’s when you realize there wasn’t much there and divorce seems the only option. What a sad state we are in. And nobody here talks about the spouse! And hopefully there’s no children involved. Who knows if the man took this all very seriously, and was ready for a happily ever after, not knowing what he actually married. It’s just so sad all the way around.
A divorce before 30 is sad. Especially when kids are involved.
Divorce represents a failure and possible bad choices in a partner.
No one feels good about that.
Emily R is silly.
Failure and stupidity and selfishness. That is all.
Divorced by 30? I'm 30 and have never been in a relationship 😟. Like wtf!? How can this be a trend and why!?
Edit: Brett, I hope you do find the love of your life. I would be heartbroken if you ended up getting married and than divorced before you're 30
Why You judge people who get divorce when You even werent in a marriage 🤨
"Love" is just a biochemical reaction that compels animals to breed. It can easily turn into a mental disease, though.
As a man, this is just terrifying and sad. Imagine bragging about being divorced multiple times by 30.
I have to imagine for my own sanity that this is just a fucked up coping mechanism because they dont want to admit how hurt or embarrassed they are. The delusion is unreal.
I know this may just be some chronically online type shit but Im getting more and more skeptical every day
This is why spending time is not worth it. You just see everything that's bad in the world and it truly affects you. I we would spend no time on the internet we would be so much happier because we wouldn't be bombarded by these crazy things, wars and what not that is not our own lives and not in our own lives.
My mother remarried 6 years after she divorced my father. Her second husband is an abuser and manipulator but she chose to hang on to him since he was paying all the bills and she was staying at home. I kept waking up every day hoping that they finally decided to split. So yes being divorced at 30 is definitely better than being in a dysfunctional marriage to someone like Joe Jonas
There's video interviews with a NY divorce lawyer. His advice is get the lawyer before the marriage for the pre-nup and just so you understand the legally most significant of your life before death.
These are the words of someone who has NEVER been happy, so sad she’s spewing this vile on influential girls. Hopefully they’ll know better
I grew up in a culture and time where divorcing was frowned upon. In my family, my mom was almost ostracized for divorcing my dad and the dating my step-dad. Like failing at keeping a marriage was bad and my grandparents actually made life even harder for her.
I got married at 20, divorced at 25. One year prior to my divorce, my parents had also gotten divorced after 42 years of marriage. I'm 34 now. All I can say is that divorce and the short and long term aftermath of it is hell. Choose your spouse wisely and hang on until one of you dies.
No
As a conservative guy who dates guys, I would like to see Brett review Jubilee's new + widely debated Middle Ground video 'Conservative vs. Liberal Gays.' There's a real counter-cultural movement happening right now within the 'alphabet people' group as a whole, and the video highlights all the relevant hot button issues.
This is crazy, and honestly I hope that by the time I'm older I'll be able to find someone who will eventually want to settle down and get married...I've always wanted a husband and kids☹️ Wondering if this will be possible for my future☹️☹️☹️
Same here . I have always been looking forward to getting married one day and have kids. I hope I come across a good moral women .
It’s absolutely possible
I’m 26, married for 2 years and absolutely love it and is my main goal in my life as it should be. I’m happy to have a life partner to grow with, we have traditional values and want children soon. There is nothing more rewarding than prioritizing our lives and our marriages together before anything else, our jobs come 2nd and when we have kids our jobs will come 3rd. Our vows meant something, and it’s frustrating seeing young people not taking marriage seriously. There are people out there with our mindsets, you just have to get offline.
@@teresitaperegrina3741 Good luck! Shannan Watts had the same things you have but it turned out tragic for her. 😔
@desperateneedofscotch the current average age for marriage is 27 for women and 29 for men. I wouldn’t say that 25 is the cut off at all.
I’m a divorce lawyer and I got divorced at 29.
I help lots of people escape bad situations, abuse, etc.
But in my case, my own divorce, is the thing I regret most in my life. And I joke about it but the reality is… I was a fool.
The concept of marriage is so remove from my life.
My parents were never married, and my mom decided to leave a baby, and didn't do an abortion because she wanted a baby for herself and she was 32.
Later her and my father got together, but never married, it was mostly on and off relationship until we all decided to move in together when I was 10. It all ended when my father (who was in war zone many years before) got crazy drunk and in mad ran
ge bit up my mother really hard, almost breaking her leg with me being there and witnessing the whole thing. I Honestly I blocked it all out, and I know it all happend because I remember how me and my mother left the house and ended up just walking to my grandparents house.
My grandparents were actually divorced as well because my granfather was cheating, but later they got together again, but never remarried.
So.... What a mess.
Sorry to hear that😥 I hope you can heal from the trauma of all that.
Hoping life is better for you.
Watching Brett’s video it’s nice to know I’m not the only person who doesn’t understand why people don’t take marriage or any long commitment anymore. I get it divorce is necessary if the environment becomes toxic and there’s no way to fix a marriage. Makes me so glad to be with the person I am because we don’t bring up breaking up whenever we’re not on the same page we just communicate and talk it out. So tired of a lot of people in my generation not taking things seriously it’s exhausting
Let's start a "Happily married by 30" trend. Yes I came from a divorced home too, but my parents were addicts and there was lots of DV and so I had a very difficult childhood. I met my husband at 15, we started dating at 16. we DID take our sweet ass time to get married, BUT we had committed to each other basically right at the start, like I knew I would spend my life with him. We have been together for 14 years in November, and known each other 15 years. We only got married on our anniversary last year. Nothing really changed for us other then now being husband and wife and my last name/title. Our vows didn't include "til death do us part", mainly because we feel our commitment will extend past that, but also because we felt there were better way's to describe committing to each other, but they did include statements about spending the rest of our lives with each other, continuing to grow, change, nurture, and stand with each other through every new endevour, hardship and blessing and so on. I am not religious so I view marriage as a legal thing, like I wrote earlier, we had already decided to commit to each other for life, well before marriage, our wedding/marriage was more a formality for us. Relationships do take work, but being able to spend the rest of my life with my best friend, the love of my life, is worth working for. This is not to say I would put up with anything, I do have a small pinch of deal breakers that I wouldn't be able to forgive and would break our marriage, that "working for it" wouldn't fix, but we can work through most curveballs in life.
Marriage is definitely not for everyone, and I think having THAT figured out by your 30s is what's great. If you make it to your 30s knowing that marriage really is not something that would be good for you after all: good. If you make it to your 30s knowing that marriage is something you really truly want out of life and relationships: good. Treating having been through divorce by the time you reach your 30s as an achievement: lame.
Inspired comment, my friend. From Forrest Gump: "You are a goddamn genius"
The probelm is using someone else as your experiment then breaking their heart over superficial things. What happened to the "until death do us part"?
@@Leonhart_93If you want to use someone as your experiment 🧪, you should provide a disclosure statement beforehand and wear a lab coat 👩🏻🔬 while you do your science stuff.
That way, they won’t have their little heart broken.
@@Leonhart_93I agree.
BS. And then when you are in your 40s and alone - you are terrified. And then in your 50s you are agree and ready for anyone and anything. And if you drink alcohol, then it's basically the end. Very painful and sad end.
Marriage is the only way to survive in the future. (and it doesn't have to be on paper.)
Tbh, when brett said " marraige is not a free trial.", i thought she was gonna say " but you can get your free trial at balance of nature today." 🤣
People will take anything as an accomplishment these days: unintended pregnancy/kid without a committed partner, divorce… I get not wanting to shame people but we don’t need to celebrate or normalize it either.
Really these people celebrating shallow and impulsive decisions are selfish and don’t understand compromise or the beauty of real commitment.
I am on my 3rd marriage and i am 36, believe me when i tell you that been divorced twice and possibly going for a 3rd one, it is NOT somenthing to be proud of, it is extremely difficult, emotionally draining and it brings shame to your life and your childrens life, because it should tell you that you or your partner or both have real personal and life issues!!! I personally think it is disgusting how this dumb ass people are trying to normalize divorce. They are just hollow, empty, and worse than i am!!!
If you get cheated on, it’s completely normal to get divorced. There’s no way men would put up with a cheating wife or encouraged to do so…I’ve never seen a woman divorce loving and loyal husband. However, I constantly see men cheating on loving and loyal wives…
If you’ve been abused or cheated on - then yes, divorce can seem like a great thing, very liberating compared to a nightmare so many women are living in
MGTOW just grows stronger by the day, and I ABSOLUTELY LOVE it.......
PLEASE ladies, KEEP giving us reasons to never marry, cohabitate, date or start a shared custody family...........
Sųʀʀσgɑcy is the future & we save A FORTUNE by staying single. 💪💰
i'm nearly a year in with my gf, and we aren't even married and i couldn't even imagine divorcing her. she's there for me at my worst and makes my day. she's everything i could want, i would never want to leave her. it helps how openly and easy it is to talk about our wants, needs, and boundaries.
Divorce should be extremely difficult
People should be forced to work it out except In extreme circumstances 🔥💔
Yes, and lots of people marry for the wrong reasons😢❤
Between 29-32, I had issues with some of the women around me who were either single or in miserable relationships largely because they wanted to focus on other things and became more and more antagonistic towards men as time went on. I was going through a rough time with multiple family members with terminal conditions and my own health issues, and so loud around me was this refrain that any bad feelings were because I married young or because my husband must be doing something wrong or similar. Whatever was wrong, it must be being in the wrong relationship. It doesn't surprise me it seems to be a time people are shouting that it's great to be divorced and "free".
Nearly a decade past that, I call those the hell years and caring for my dying loved ones is not the main part that made that a torturous time. Thankfully I got through it with my marriage intact and got away from those types, but I was in a vulnerable state in grief, having other women push me to question the one thing that remained solid was so difficult when I really needed support, and I can see why those with less support towards marriage would crumble.
I was talking about this with my husband the other day - so many spaces want to be sex positive, but being relationship positive, even just people positive? That's far harder to find in many places.
Hey Bret, I’ve been watching your content for a while and I love it! Although I have to say I am divorced and it was the best decision ever, I live in religious country so I got married almost against my will to the man much older than me (I was 20 he was in his thirties), thankfully it lasted only for a month, I was suicidal and was struggling mentally and emotionally even though the man I married didn’t do anything horrible to me but I hated him and my life, I couldn’t cope it felt like an absolute nightmare. My parents against people’s opinion got me divorced and I had to pay my ex a lot of money to make him agree to divorcing me. People demonized, and bullied me for being divorced (or as they said incomplete, pathetic, unworthy and dirty) saying that no one will ever want me again. I’m 29 now and I’m finally happy with myself, and people in my country got more tolerant to the divorced women this is heartwarming for me. If i was married to someone I love then divorce wouldn’t be a celebration for me but in my actual case it is. We shouldn’t celebrate all divorces but also we shouldn’t demonize people who did choose to separate from their SO.
It’s us millennials trying to cope and find a cute troupe for something we’re not handling very well. I essentially went through a divorce just recently,(8 year long relationship) and by no means do I feel good about it. Sure I’ll get over it but I get what a fail it was. Enough with euphemisms 😂
You’re in a conversation and someone says, “Children are better off with happy divorced parents than they are with parents in an unhappy marriage.”
What would you say?
In headlines about a celebrity divorce or in conversations with friends in struggling marriages, we often hear that it will be better for kids if their unhappy parents get a divorce. In fact, that line was common in arguing for “no fault divorce laws”. But is it true? No! Here are three reasons why…
Number 1: Kids don’t just “get over” divorce. We often talk about divorce like it’s a cold. It’s bothersome, but the kids will get over it. According to the data, that’s simply not true. Divorce affects children’s bodies, minds, and hearts for a very long time. For many kids divorce kicks off a lifetime of loss and transition, further destabilizing events commonly occur, like one parent moving out or remarrying, or step siblings joining the home, or the other parent moving in with someone else, or taking a job in another state, or one parent going through a second or third divorce. Each of these events are highly disruptive. So instability is often a feature of a child’s life after a divorce. Furthermore, the kids of divorce lose out on a significant amount of parental connection. Kids are made for, benefit from, and crave daily involvement with both mother and father. In the best case scenario, divorce cuts parental connection by half, but many kids lose much more of their relationship with the non-custodial parent. Sometimes completely. One study found that nearly half of children with divorced parents had not seen their father in the past year.
Number 2: For kids, two homes are not better than one. Even in the best case scenario where kids still have contact with both parents, they suffer from divided lives. According to one long-term study of children of parents who lived in two different homes, these children on average obtained less education, experienced more unemployment, were more likely to be divorced themselves, faced a greater occurrence of negative life events, and engaged in riskier behavior than their peers raised in intact homes. Researcher Elizabeth Margaret discovered these kids were not just living in two different homes, but nearly half developed two different personalities. As each home offered different versions of the truth, required keeping different secrets, and operated under two different sets of rules. As adults, children of divorce have an increased risk of developing cancer, autoimmune disorders, and suffering a stroke. But even if kids don’t develop a physical condition, they must overcome unfair hurdles as a result of being raised in a split home environment.
Number 3: If couples persevere, unhappy marriages often become happy marriages. In the past, marriage was considered a permanent union, unless one party was deemed at fault, because of something like adultery, abuse, or abandonment. Since the passage of “no fault divorce laws”, spouses could divorce for any reason or no reason at all. Now the majority of divorces take place because the parents are unhappy or have fallen out of love. These are often called “irreconcilable differences”. Perhaps you’ve heard someone say, “I can either stay in an unhappy marriage or get a divorce and be happy”. As if those were the only two options. But researchers have discovered a third better way. Persistence! One study found that a third of unhappy couples with new babies divorced, but if the two-thirds who persisted, 93% reported happy marriages a decade later. A 2002 report found two-thirds of unhappily married adults who chose to stick it out, reported happier marriages five years later. What’s more, unhappy couples who divorced were no happier on average than those who stayed together. In fact, Harry Benson, Research director of the Marriage Foundation noted that, “Contrary to popular belief, staying in an unhappy marriage could be the best thing you ever do.”
In cases of abuse, safety must be a priority. And in cases of adultery, the marriage may be irreconcilable. But even if leaving an unsafe situation is the right thing to do, divorce still inflicts a heavy mental, emotional and physical toll on children. There are scenarios in which the harm that divorce inflicts on children is justified. But adult “happiness” is not one of them.
So the next time you’re talking to someone about divorce and they say, “If the adults are happy, the children will be happy”, remember these three things…
Number 1: Kids don’t just “get over” divorce.
Number 2: For kids, two homes are not better than one.
Number 3: If couples persevere, unhappy marriages often become happy marriages.
Any actual lived experience or observations about all that stuff? Or just a collection of data, statistics and pontifications from out-of-touch self-proclaimed experts, dime-a-dozen 'McTherapists' and pop authorities who populate daytime talk shows who'd probably pee their pants at the thought of an actual relationship, let alone a marriage.
Sometimes it IS more beneficial to all involved for a bad/toxic/abusive union to dissolve. One GOOD, conscientious, loving and responsible parent can be way better than 2 bad ones or one of each. As a kid of divorce waaaay back, I can attest to this. Several I knew growing up were also from divorced homes. Some divorces were amicable, sone not. Guess what?! Not ONE of us 'kids' has ever had a drug/alcohol issue, all are self-supporting, solvent, some own homes, all went to college and paid off the loans. All either are married or partnered, s couple have s kid. All pretty much, uh, 'normal.' Often, the answer us in the quality and commitment of the one parent regarding the impact on kids and how they turn out. Too many parents abdicate their responsibility, are lazy or self-absorbed and the kid pays. Also, when Mom did remarry, much later, the guy had no kids, so no turd in the punchbowl 'baggage' to complicate the dynamic. Fortunately, I had a great mom who truly could do it all...and well.
Point number 3 is exactly what this generation doesnt get about marriage. Perservere in your marriage and it becomes what you wanted in the first place. Right on the money with that point
@@Bigborian92783
Yeah, like Stockholm Syndrome.
Marriage is difficult but in my experience divorce is Hell. The absolute hardest time in my life and the sadness led me to snap and everyone and everything until one day my 4 year old daughter asked me "daddy why do you hate me". That moment was enough to dig me out of hell but there is nothing glamourous and chic about divorce.
I turned 30 this year, and there ain't no way divorce is happening in our family. I've been married to my husband for 7 years, at this point, my parents divorced after 22 years, and his parents are still married but miserable together. We like to think we're learning from a lot of different mistakes to make our marriage better and stronger for our boys!
Got married at 24 and still happily married at 33. My Husband is the best person I know 😊 We have been through a lot together but we worked through it and come out stronger. Grow together or grow apart we always say.
Getting married is easy staying married is hard and divorce is even harder
Marriage is looked at so poorly these days and divorce is glorified. It’s ridiculous!!! I understand that we all make bad choices but most of us aren’t proud of it and shouting it from the roof tops. I agree with the other comments, those divorced people who are glorifying it, are just jealous they can’t make a solid relationship last. 🙄 Signed - a lady who has been married for 20yrs! (Happily) and it took some work to get to this stage. It takes work and want on both sides. Period. I think some people don’t realize that if you rough it through the hard times, you will be beyond blessed with good times with your partner.
EDIT - let me add we’ve been married since we were very young 19!
You are rare, not many women like you, and I think you know it.
It is so sad to normalize divorce and minimize marriage. I see my friends and family who have gone through it. Finding strength and starting new and coming out stronger is empowering, but divorce is not trivial. smh
I just got divorced 😢 and I still tell you we both agreed to it. We both saw that we were hurting each other and knew that we wanted different things. We still care for each other and are friends. I won't lie it was awful. I wish we could have stayed together. I love him dearly but I knew there was no future where we would stay together and be happy. We are happy as friends and look out for each other and we are both in great places. There are days I still cry and I know it's the same for him. Divorce is awful 😞 and hurts both sides no mater how or why it's done.
My parents divorced at 42, and it devastated me as a child, then quickly became positive because I didn’t hear fighting anymore like I had for years. It isn’t fun. I don’t expect to get divorced, and I’m almost 30. Meanwhile the people and relatives who try to give me “marriage advice” are always either long-term single or divorced, often both multiple times.
I'm 35. Been almost married twice, Have 2 kids, both with different women I thought I would be married to. All I want is a family with a woman that chooses to be with me too.
Just saying... when I get married, it's going to be forever. You mad? Get over it. We'll talk about it when we both cool down. You stuck with me girl.
@@ghostwriter3175it’s so interesting to me to observe how fools like you last so long in life without becoming homeless or dead.
I Love Brett Cooper
Brett needs to find the meme and use it the Chinese guy emotional damage lol
I was divorced with 2 kids at only 23 years old but I'm not proud of that! Granted, my oldest is now 23 himself so I'm not a part of this weird generation, but I don't understand why they would be proud of being divorced regardless.
It's heartbreaking how little people respect marriage these days, children are the ones hurt the most & they don't seem to care. Abuse & infidelity should be the only reasons divorce is legally allowed, much less tolerated - especially when children are involved.
When you were 23, and getting a divorce, some old geezer was out there saying that about you.
@@kennethbaker5223 There's always one nasty comment if I say anything about getting a divorce.
You do know there are actually legitimate reasons for divorce, right? Biblical reasons even, such as the 2 I mentioned...
@@angiew2324let me guess, you benefited from divorce, alimony, and child support? And then women wonder why they end up dead or missing in the end.
@@jragon9215 Rudely presumptuous, don't you think?
I could go on & on about how incredibly wrong you are but I'm not going to, I don't owe you an explanation & you wouldn't believe me anyway. Besides, the only 2 things that mattered to me were my kids, I couldn't have cared less about anything materialistic.
You might think you know all there is to know about every woman on the planet but just like all men aren't like my ex-husband, all women aren't like the one that hurt you.
Although, if that last line of yours is any indication of how you treated your ex, it's no wonder why she left you...
My parents have been together 36 years, but before that my mom was married to my sister’s dad. Even to this day you can see the effects of divorce on my family. Both of my sisters were divorced either before 30 or in their early thirties. It has made me extremely carful about my love life. Even though I’ve been with my bf for almost seven years, a part of me is afraid to get married because I don’t want ever go through the pain of divorce.
11:13 it is an easy decision to some people. I know people who took divorce extremely lightly. That dotted line was like nothing to them.
Married at 22 and still happily married for 17yrs.
Divorce is tragic, it sucks for everyone involved and the people around the divorced couple. It's expensive, ugly, and messy.
Currently, I'm in the middle of divorcing my abuser. With custody involved, it's even worse. But I have to do what's best for my child's and for my own safety and well-being. I consider it all quite tragic.
Strange how all these women marry abusers isn't it? Look up what happens to children of divorce.
Well don’t screw him over with divorce, alimony, and child support and make it worse and you might live through all this.
Also thank you Brett for being that reasonable and logical voice people need. You go girl ❤
As sad is it sounds, the truth is; marriage is just a “process” and a photo opportunity and a “day all about me” … it’s not about an unbreakable bond, family, or kids nowadays. Which makes sense in this social media narcissistic world we live in
You are right Bret, i have contemplated divorce severally, but when i look at my two beautiful children and what it will do to them, i always choose to give it a second chance, forgive and move on...I come from a broken home and that really messed me up...
I pray everyday to not be pished to make this decision.
This one is super complex. It's hard to fully unpack being excited to be free of a toxic situation in a few minutes online. Because, let's face it the vast majority of human beings wouldn't choose to blow up their marriage if it didn't feel off to them.
Thank you for explaining the reality of probably most these divorce situations. You are one of the ones that "get it"
Can we all appreciate how Brett always keeps it a buck fifty on everything
As a 16 year old girl who wants to get married someday, I'm just looking at this thinking "Why?? Literally why. These women are scrweing things up for the next generation, AKA ME, by traumatizing men and making them think that this is how all women are. No wonder passport bros are leaving."
It’s better to leave then deal with the huge risk of divorce, alimony, and child support, these western women aren’t worth the risk and trouble
I don't care what anyone says, I wouldn't mind in the US if they banned tiktok, the fact that people are looking at this app for guidance and education is so off charts
As someone who is divorced at 24!!!!! I wouldn’t want anyone to go through this and it’s not chic.