I learned about pivoting in 2002. I had a heart attack at my desk at work (age 44, no history). Had another one the next day while in the hospital, flew by helicopter to a larger hospital, had a cath, cardiologist said ought oh and I was in emergency surgery on a Saturday night. I was the Girl Scout Cookie Mom that year and that was the day case after case of cookies were delivered. Out of work three months, husband took leave from his job to take care of me, while he was out, the company he was working for went bankrupt so he had no job to go back to. In April, our beloved cat died, in June my dad died and in October my Mom broke her neck in a car accident....It was an awful terrible year, but I learned how you couldn't control anything so just do what you can.
As someone whose chronic illness changes from moment to moment i hear you. I am a few years older than you and what I have learned is that I am able to pivot, it’s just my tolerance for pivoting is much lower some times. I need some time to be upset that I have to pivot AGAIN. I have also learned that having a friend who I can whine to when that happens has been a game changer. She knows she just needs to listen and to remind me to be kind to myself. And I do the same for her. We have found that texting in those moments is so helpful so neither of us gets too caught up in our emotions. We vomit out the frustration, get a little support and then do what we are doing to do. If we need to check in and say hey I did X today, we are there to cheer each other on for that. Being married 30 years, I’ve learned it’s important not to ask my husband to do this for me because he’s also stressed and worried about my condition so he needs a break from supporting me all the time. I hope some of this helps.
We start teaching this skill in preschool and younger, by modeling the skill. It's called resiliency. We teach that with taking turns, modeling functional disappointment, teaching validation of frustration and coping skills to address the feelings. It's hard. So many previous generations criticized it, resilience was innate, not taught.
My partner says “chaos is boss” whenever I’m having this issue. It’s a reminder that control is pretend, we don’t actually control anything, the universe is unfortunately not in my control. Chaos is. And some days chaos just wins! I find it helps letting go and not feel so bad and hard on myself. I hope it helps someone! But your videos have been amazing and helpful to me, you being honest makes me feel less alone in my illness.
I'm gonna feel my feels anyway, so I might as well give myself time and space to feel them so that I can move on to figuring the next step instead of wasting time and energy trying to repress what I'm feeling.
Cindy, you are one of the very few that I’ve heard talk about this publicly. Thank you. Please do more to expound on this as it’s one of the hardest parts of life especially with a chronic illness and especially as the heart of the family. You may not want to now while your working this but in the future you could help so many ( podcast?) After a long life of illness I turned pivot into “just yield” as yielding is softer sounding than pivot and psychologically it feels better to say or think. It feels better You have so much talent with getting messages across- that is why we all love you so much. Best to you ❤
Ooof I feel this so much. From 2020 until mid-2023, my husband and I were caregivers for his parents. And my husband also has a chronic illness. Plus the fact that until late-2023, I was the breadwinner of the home... It's rough. It has been tough to pivot. It has been a lot of work to pivot. And now my husband and I healing from the literal trauma of the last 3 years is awful. We both feel like shells of human beings and we are always planning for shit to go sideways anymore.
I'm a bit emotionally overwhelmed at the moment, so I felt like I just had to pause the video to say that I FEEL THIS SO HARD. I am 37 years old, and I absolutely cannot pivot. When things go wrong, I have a break down. It takes me ages to embrace change. It's the worst when you KNOW intellectually that whatever issue you're freaking out about is literally a non-issue for everyone around you. For instance, my husband and I are moving in 3 months. I cry and hyperventilate about it NOW. I've been so anxious about previous moves that I've shut down both physically and emotionally for weeks. When I talk to anyone about moving, everyone's always "oh, yeah, moving sucks." But if I go into any detail they look at me like I'm crazy. Editting to add: Annnnnddddd... Now I'm crying again because of the end of the video. Thank you for genuinely helping me feel not alone. Although, that sounds bad. I'm not alone; I have fantastic friends and family, and they understand that I'm a mess. But they don't experience it themselves.
Let things go?? People can actually do that? Sigh. I think of you often and send good vibes to you and your family. Thank you for this video, it is such a relief to feel not alone. 😊😊
I am teaching my child (and by proxy myself) the four steps of flexible thinking. 1. Take a deep breath ALWAYS the first step 2. Figure out what you can control. Can you control you medical appointments? No Can you control your reaction? Yes. 3. Change the plan. You can’t go on with what you planned. You gotta go to the doctor now, or this procedure or that surgery. Do that. It’s not it your control. 4. Accept the change. This does not mean that you have to like it. You just gotta get thru it. And your hair does look really good!
Recovering from chronic illness is a mental pivot as well as physical. I've come to realize that when I plan for "tomorrow", it's not the tomorrow that comes at the break of a new day on the calendar. It's the next "better day" that comes along, because the calendar tomorrow may be a bad day and nothing happens except a couple trips to the bathroom and a TV dinner. And it may be two or three calendar days before the planned tomorrow happens. Yup! We all know this routine, but if you mentally pivot yor mental thinking to "tomorrow" equals the next "better day", it removes the guilt and shame of not getting it done on the calendar tomorrow and it feels more like progress is happening than the shame of being sick that day. By thinking this way, I'm more comfortable with having a bad day, which helps me heal faster, instead of being stressed that I had all this planned and it won't get done on this calendar tomorrow. I hope this makes sense, let me know what you think. Sending lots of love 💖 from sunny 🌞 Arizona 🌵. Take care of yourself and each other 😷.
As a fellow chronic illness person, I've learned that compassion and kindness and grace are things that are so important to show to ourselves. The Fuckit Concept is brilliant. It's so important to cut yourself some slack. To stop, think 'fuck it' and know it's going to be ok 💖
I grew up with a disability and developed a chronic illness later in life, and last year, I had a stroke. I think I learned how to pivot pretty early on - probably in my early teens. It can be exhausting all the same, but it does come in handy.
It's also a neuro atypical thing. Changing course or system or procedure is disregulating. I need to take a few minutes to adjust and let it happen. And I'll be off for awhile.
My motto is that “ I have to carry on before I can move on”. I now know that I can and will move on so I don’t feel guilty for ‘carrying on’ (working through my feelings about the situation) until I am ready to move on.
Well hell, when I am on a smooth sailing momentum; I instantly am suspicious. And usually with good reason. Sending lots of healing love. It may not be apparent to you but I find you the most centered, realistic people I see in Planner/CZcams community. What you have taught me is plan as if you mean it, replan as you have to, follow the plan- whichever one makes sense and when the impossible happens. F**k it…keep going . Accept the realness of the good and the bad. Sticker over what is unless. Cindy, thank you. You are not alone. There is a whole horde of us rolling with you. Prayers for healing❤
Being the heart of a family is a huge responsibility. I don't want to call it a burden, but it is a heavy weight to carry. People need to acknowledge and support those who carry their families over their shoulders. They are strong but they get tired too.
Hi Cindy, I’m sleepless in the middle of the night, feeling stressed and rather overwhelmed. Listening to you just took the edge off for me. Has my reality changed? No, but somehow you made me feel better, less alone, more resilient. Thank you! Maybe if you watch yourself, you’ll feel better too!
Type A former gifted kid here too. Pivoting is a crucial skill, and it's hard to learn for sure. I found some useful nuggets by studying growth mindset principles, particularly the one that teaches me to try and step back from a situation and look objectively at it and try to learn what lessons I can. That's been a mainstay for me. Great video. Keeping you and your family in my thoughts. And your hair does look great. :)
When my kid got his T1 dx I had to let go of control and learn to pivot big time. I am a control freak so I pretty much fell apart. Three years in now and I have pulled myself back together, found a supportive community and have learned (and am continually working on) how to just react to the data (blood sugar numbers) and know that I probably will never know why they went low or high so I can't prevent them all. He missed out on lots of different parties and activities because I couldn't let go of my fear of not keeping him in range. We are all in a much better place and know that he will be ok. Thanks to Jessie for adding his advice as well. I found your channel at the beginning of my "pull yourself together" era 😄 and just listening to you and focusing on lettering was my first crawl out of the hole. I thank you SO very much for that. I am always here in your corner rooting for you. ❤
Maybe you could add some questions to your weekly / monthly review & daily journaling to help you reframe? I have struggeled for years with a) making realistic (not overly-optimistic) plans, and then b) having the motivation to actually Do the things on my plan. I ran across an article years ago in which the author talked about OOPS -- Overly Optimistic Planning Syndrome. So, in my reviews I ask myself whether my planning was Appropriate or OOPS? I also ask myself Was I Resilient? and Did I Persevere? Maybe you can start asking yourself things like "Was I Resilient" (or "Did I Need to Pivot?"), "Why" and then "How Was I Resilient?" "What Did I Need to Let Go of?" "What Could I Delegate?" RE your kid helping you; it will take some time to teach them what they need to know in order to be able to most effectively help you, but that will be time well spent. You (and your kid together, maybe) need to think about whether the _Method_ of doing or the _Result_ is the most important. To use a house-cleaning example -- if the result is clean dishes, does it really matter whether the delegatee washes the way I like to wash, with 2 dish basins: 1 in which to wash and 1 in which to rinse? As long as Hot water and soap are used (the important parameters), the dishes end up clean (the important result), and the kitchen is cleaned up at the end (mess, spilled water wiped up) does it really matter HOW the dishes got cleaned? So for what your kid could help you with, you could schedule a time for you to show your kid how you do the task, discuss what the important outcome of the task needs to be, then let your kid learn how to do the task. If your kid gets stuck or asks questions, they need to be able to ask you and you to help them. There also needs to be some evaluation built in, where you give your kid feedback on whether what they're doing meets the criteria you've established for that task, and what they might need to change to better meet your needs. It will take longer initially while your kid is learning, but eventually your kid will be doing whatever task that you don't need to do any longer. Maybe they'll do it differently than the way you like to do it. Maybe doing it a different way will be easier for your kid. As long as the task gets done & the results meet your needs, it's all good.
I've been practicing the pivot mindset for a year or so, and this is what i do. Take what you want and leave the rest.... 1) I create a low, medium and high energy to do list, each week in my planner. Usually I only put 1 or 2 things in the high category, so i can do the thing or migrate it to another time. Sometimes it gets stricken off due to bandwidth or other reasons. I usually have more low energy tasks on for the times (which is often) I've not got the energy or bandwidth. 2) All repeated tasks are broken down in small tiny steps. So I'm not overwhelmed and flooded. 3) All the repeated tasks are on post-its (brand) in my planner. So if something crops up, I can migrate it easily without self judgement. I did this on Monday afternoon & it was freeing to move it and pivot. I even have ironing on post-its for 1,2 or 3 hours. Mostly i can get my ironing done in 2 hours, but on the day i scheduled it, i was tired. So i changed it for the 1 hour post-it, did the priority stuff and migrated the other hour another time. Above all lots of compassion.
This video + HB90 kickoff call. I needed this today! Q4 went sideways and Q1 has been cleaning up that mess and dealing with illness. I needed a pep talk. Thank you!
It's funny you mentioned a grudge from high school bc for some reason my brain this morning has been like 'remember that time with that one group project in college where everyone fucked you over and you were too chickenshit to talk to the professor about how you saved at least two people from blatant plagiarism' 🙄 that was like 15 years ago. But that's my brain's dumb way of reminding me to stick up for myself. Just wish it'd do it in a nicer way, esp since my chronic health has also been shitty this year (gotta have a brain MRI on Friday to try to start to figure out where my new neuro symptoms are coming from) As for you - don't get rid of the old tshirts! Turn them into a tshirt quilt! I believe there's places where you can send them to and they'll make it for you too. That way you can still enjoy them AND they bring you warmth so it can trick the dumb part of the brain into believing they're actually useful and have a purpose (bc for some reason "because I like it" is often not good enough for it)
SO MUCH THIS. I have a bunch of chronic conditions, and I've had some of them as long as I can remember, so I'm pretty used to adjusting plans accordingly. But then other things happen. I got a stupid cold about a month ago, and I'm still not back to even my previous long COVID normal. And it's driving me absolutely bonkers. I'm furious that I've landed on a whole different level of disability, that I simply cannot function at anything like my previous level, amd I have no idea when - or if - I'll ever get back to that. Which is scary as hell. Thank you so much for continuing to share what things are really like for you. It's a wonderful counter to the all the ableist crap that's both out there and inside my head ❤
I hear you and I feel you. I had such great plans for last fall and the winter. I fell and hit my head. Into my sixth month of recovery from the resulting brain injury, and I am losing my mind. I totally, completely, utterly know exactly how it feels when health derails you, and how hard that is to cope with. I suck at it. Thank you so much for sharing so transparently. It makes many people -- including me -- feel like we're not alone in this struggle.
I'm a little over 4 months into my first job, & while I love what I do, it inherently operates on a very short-term basis (I work in live entertainment, & I only get assigned to one project at a time, so I usually only know 6 weeks to 2 months out what I'm doing or where I'll be. Currently I'm only scheduled through mid-May, & there's always a non-zero chance I'll get shipped out of the country with only a month-ish notice. They are incredibly respectful of scheduled vacation time, which is a blessing). It's been quite the adjustment from being in school, & it's absolutely compounded by trying to figure out how to be a real adult instead of a student, & by a medical condition that I'll be living with & taking medication for for the rest of my life (epilepsy, thankfully non-photosensitive so I can still do my job lol). I don't really have a point, just that I'm learning how to pivot in real time & it's kind of awful, but this video really resonated with me & reminded me that pivoting is a hard thing to do when you don't know how to do it, & I'm not alone in feeling this way. Thank you ❤
This video was really nice to watch. Your message was nice to hear. I'm dealing with PPA and PPD. I'm having money trouble, work issues, and relationship issues. To make it all worse CPS is involved in my family's life, now. I don't know what to do. Not at all. I'm so scared of the future. I really hope that you're right. I really hope that after this all passes, something better is waiting
When things go wonky my grand-daughter gets upset (she's 5). I tell her "life happens" and we just do our best. She likes that and calms down and we talk about what to do next. I have migraine headaches, and I know how much I hate having to let things go. But then my husband says "Life happens" and we move on. Hang in there friend!
I’m right there with you. I want to get so much done but being sick I just can’t. Your video brought me to tears because I so get it and it’s painfully hard to just be ok with things not going to plan. My planner has been a my link to dealing with it and not giving up. As always appreciate your video and you.
This is something I've struggled with for years. Sometimes I feel like the moment I make a plan and put it down on paper the universe's sole purpose is to create chaos. It's one of the reasons I struggle with consistency with my planners. I get discouraged and I'm like what's the point? It's all going to get janked up anyway. Since the start of the year I've been a little better with it. I've managed to keep up my planner even if I have to update it here and there. I've been less reactive to changes and basically have just accepted them. I am a worrier and I've been so overwhelmed I simply don't have room to worry about all the things. So I don't know if that's better or worse. I try to tell myself "it's just a season" "it's just temporary" but I've been telling myself this for so long that my brain is tired of it and is starting to scream "When? Give me an end date!" I feel stuck...I am overworked in a toxic job environment. My husband was laid off so I'm the sole breadwinner right now. But trying to manage a high-performance job at a tech company while dealing with my chronic fatigue and fibromyalgia has just made living my life outside of work impossible. I only have energy for work and none left for hobbies or the people/animals in my life. My cats are like my kids and a few have some major health issues that leave their immediate future uncertain. I panic over having to make any big decisions right now because there are so many steps to what I want to do and it feels exhausting to start. Weirdly, things change all around the pieces I feel stuck on. I struggle so much with handling the life changes I deal with right now, subconsciously I'm terrified of forcing change in the areas I need it (like a new job), if that makes any sense.
I used to get upset at work all the time. Someone would do or say something and I couldn’t let it go. It bugged me. It kept me up at night. My boss told me I needed to be like a duck in the rain and let the rain just roll off my back… it wasn’t until I had my first baby and had postpartum depression that I finally started to let things go that I couldn’t control. I had an actual meltdown first because I just couldn’t physically do everything that needed to be done. Found a therapist, started Lexapro, and got better. I still struggle some but not nearly as bad. Hugs ❤
One of the biggest things I learned from dealing with both a concussion and a long term disabling swelling disorder was that there were days when things wouldn’t get done. It helped to write out all the things I needed to do and put an energy rating on them (aka spoon theory or Parkwood Pacing theory style). I could pick and choose what I had energy for and on my bad days, I could lower my expectations but not be down on myself for not getting this huge list of things done. It was ok on the bad day that I got dressed and managed to get the dishes in the dishwasher because that was the only minimum thing I needed to do. Anything else (making the bed, reading a book, writing a journal entry, sweeping the kitchen floor) was a bonus. It helped me to feel less down on myself and realize that I was still ‘flailing in the forward direction’ to my goals. Not pretty, not graceful, but still moving forward. Holding you in the light through all of your ups and downs.
Good words for any stage in life you weren't expecting, Cindy! My french friend Americans are way too good at pivoting. Ie we don't take time to reflect and maybe mourn if needed- we just go go go. I think it's better to go go go, it's too hard to sit around basking the ruins of what didn't happen as you expected 😅
Kitty rolls! The hardest thing I ever learned to do was not have a total meltdown when something forced a change at the last minute. I'd just be crushed. Yes, I may be a little tightly wound... Anyway, it started with serious expectation management. Initially this was thinking about everything that could go wrong or cause a change in plans, and then think through how I could respond and change the plan. (Again, tightly wound.) Yes, I still get disappointed when plans have to change. But now it doesn't ruin my day/week. It's hard.
Give yourself grace and mercy as you see fit. One thing at a time when in change. If you go wonky then everything will be out of whack. U talking about this and reflecting will give you strength to accept change whenever it comes. Love your transparency ❤
Thank you Cindy, for your willingness to share. I’ve come to realize that pivots often require grieving-what no longer is, or what can’t be for now. For me, naming those things I’m mourning in my journaling has helped me be a little less…resentful doesn’t seem like quite the right word, but maybe a little less resistent to course correction (aka pivoting)
thank you so much for this video - I know you are always very honest in your videos but this video just hit home for me especially today. so thank you just so much!
Thank you for sharing this Cindy, I appreciate you being vulnerable, honest, and real. I don't have any advice or could give anything cuz I'm sitting in similar feels but I will say seeing the kitties and pupper really was a highlight of the day! Sending you and everyone here in the comments all of the love 🧡
I struggle with this too. Especially at work, when I know things can be done in a better way and they just aren't. And I learned recently that I might have to have hip surgery and I'm too young for that!!! I can hear myself when I get frustrated and I haven't yet figured out a way to let it go, either at work or with my health stuff. I need to learn to keep it together and just let stuff work out the way it works out even when I get controlling about it. Let it wash over me without the anger.
I hear you and hear this. My past year have been being a caretaker for my MIL ,who has cancer. I am also the sole income provider as my husband had to quit his job to be her full-time taxi driver for the majority of the year. Things will be better someday but I felt this through my soul.
I've taken to treating my health like weather. My pivoting is similar to having plans to go walking on the beach, then it's physically pouring rain or the wind picks up and blows sand in my face and makes the waves & tide wild. I cope with atmospheric weather and letting things go, so I can (not always) cope with health "weather" and having to make changes to my plans.
Sending huge amounts of good thoughts, and hopes and wishes for you. And also wow that gym teacher was a jerk and a bully. I'm not surprised you're still pissed off. I struggle with pivoting even though i'm given the chance to practice almost every day! I try to remember that i can't hold myself to my very best, moat productive days. Sometimes my best is getting through the day.
As someone with multiple chronic problems/ illnesses/ family etc, the biggest thing I have found is.... "What is the next thing /blip on the radar?" Focus on one blip by blip.
For some of the stuff going on with your mental health, ask your therapist if they do something called Accelerated resolution therapy. Game changer. Literal game changer. The stuff that it brings out of your subconscious, with it then being flipped into something positive is one of the most liberating experiences
I’m not chronically ill, but I’ve been through a lot of change and grief in the last 2 years especially in the last two months. I start a new job on 3/25 and I’m nervous.
So here’s the thing with chronic illness at least from my perspective. Yep, pivoting is a major life skill and having a chronic illness gives you lots of practice so you do get better over time. BUT, dealing with a chronic illness, you have to be persistent and stubborn as hell which is not exactly a skill set conducive to making those unexpected changes. It’s a balancing act. Roll with things when you can but realize that the stubborness that makes it hard has also gotten you this far.
In order to let things go, you have to find out why you don't want to let them go in the first place. For instance, after some reflection, you decide the reason you can't let that horrible coach go, is because you really want to tell him how abusive he was and how that made you feel. So you write him a letter. You show it to your mom so she knows how badly you were hurt and didn't back you up ... Or don't show it to anybody. Since coach is gone... Why not burn the letter, sending all those feelings into the universe to find Coach. Also, in the burning, you let them all go and in their place you put a happy memory. 💖🌞🌵😷
I’m sitting here listening to you, and I’m so curious how you’d test for Clifton Strengths. There’s a Strength called Adaptability, and you sound like you’re very low Adaptability. That doesn’t mean you can’t be adaptable, just that it’s not a natural mode for you. I have a lot of friends who have low Adaptability, and they often have to have a rage moment about what they planned/expected to happen not happening, and then they can move forward. Maybe pre-planning to give space for that rage moment might help a little bit?
Planning people are not really journaling people 😂 but yes I finally gave in and it does help ❤❤ to all my planner people plz journal! It’s the missing piece.
The best laid schemes o' mice an' men / Gang aft a-gley.~Robbie Burns, To a Mouse Me too. I had all these plans, and then I got COVID mid-January. I was supposedly "better" by the end of the month but I've been struggling with massive fatigue and brain fog since then. I'm joking that, when I said I wanted to be 25 again, I didn't mean the bit where I had mono for 3 months (because that's very much what this feels like)! But I also struggle with fighting to deliver my work stuff and walk the dog, and then not having any spoons left for stuff like making dinner for myself, or doing laundry, let alone doing any organizing. I couldn't even read for the first few weeks, and I'm an obsessive reader! I just want to feel like *me* again.
I learned about pivoting in 2002. I had a heart attack at my desk at work (age 44, no history). Had another one the next day while in the hospital, flew by helicopter to a larger hospital, had a cath, cardiologist said ought oh and I was in emergency surgery on a Saturday night. I was the Girl Scout Cookie Mom that year and that was the day case after case of cookies were delivered. Out of work three months, husband took leave from his job to take care of me, while he was out, the company he was working for went bankrupt so he had no job to go back to. In April, our beloved cat died, in June my dad died and in October my Mom broke her neck in a car accident....It was an awful terrible year, but I learned how you couldn't control anything so just do what you can.
As someone whose chronic illness changes from moment to moment i hear you. I am a few years older than you and what I have learned is that I am able to pivot, it’s just my tolerance for pivoting is much lower some times. I need some time to be upset that I have to pivot AGAIN. I have also learned that having a friend who I can whine to when that happens has been a game changer. She knows she just needs to listen and to remind me to be kind to myself. And I do the same for her. We have found that texting in those moments is so helpful so neither of us gets too caught up in our emotions. We vomit out the frustration, get a little support and then do what we are doing to do. If we need to check in and say hey I did X today, we are there to cheer each other on for that. Being married 30 years, I’ve learned it’s important not to ask my husband to do this for me because he’s also stressed and worried about my condition so he needs a break from supporting me all the time. I hope some of this helps.
We start teaching this skill in preschool and younger, by modeling the skill. It's called resiliency. We teach that with taking turns, modeling functional disappointment, teaching validation of frustration and coping skills to address the feelings. It's hard. So many previous generations criticized it, resilience was innate, not taught.
My partner says “chaos is boss” whenever I’m having this issue. It’s a reminder that control is pretend, we don’t actually control anything, the universe is unfortunately not in my control. Chaos is. And some days chaos just wins! I find it helps letting go and not feel so bad and hard on myself. I hope it helps someone! But your videos have been amazing and helpful to me, you being honest makes me feel less alone in my illness.
I'm gonna feel my feels anyway, so I might as well give myself time and space to feel them so that I can move on to figuring the next step instead of wasting time and energy trying to repress what I'm feeling.
Cindy, you are one of the very few that I’ve heard talk about this publicly. Thank you. Please do more to expound on this as it’s one of the hardest parts of life especially with a chronic illness and especially as the heart of the family. You may not want to now while your working this but in the future you could help so many ( podcast?)
After a long life of illness I turned pivot into “just yield” as yielding is softer sounding than pivot and psychologically it feels better to say or think. It feels better
You have so much talent with getting messages across- that is why we all love you so much.
Best to you ❤
Ooof I feel this so much. From 2020 until mid-2023, my husband and I were caregivers for his parents. And my husband also has a chronic illness. Plus the fact that until late-2023, I was the breadwinner of the home... It's rough. It has been tough to pivot. It has been a lot of work to pivot. And now my husband and I healing from the literal trauma of the last 3 years is awful. We both feel like shells of human beings and we are always planning for shit to go sideways anymore.
I'm a bit emotionally overwhelmed at the moment, so I felt like I just had to pause the video to say that I FEEL THIS SO HARD. I am 37 years old, and I absolutely cannot pivot. When things go wrong, I have a break down. It takes me ages to embrace change. It's the worst when you KNOW intellectually that whatever issue you're freaking out about is literally a non-issue for everyone around you. For instance, my husband and I are moving in 3 months. I cry and hyperventilate about it NOW. I've been so anxious about previous moves that I've shut down both physically and emotionally for weeks. When I talk to anyone about moving, everyone's always "oh, yeah, moving sucks." But if I go into any detail they look at me like I'm crazy.
Editting to add: Annnnnddddd... Now I'm crying again because of the end of the video. Thank you for genuinely helping me feel not alone. Although, that sounds bad. I'm not alone; I have fantastic friends and family, and they understand that I'm a mess. But they don't experience it themselves.
This is valid. Moving is the absolute worst. I hope you get through it.
Let things go?? People can actually do that? Sigh. I think of you often and send good vibes to you and your family. Thank you for this video, it is such a relief to feel not alone. 😊😊
I am teaching my child (and by proxy myself) the four steps of flexible thinking.
1. Take a deep breath ALWAYS the first step
2. Figure out what you can control. Can you control you medical appointments? No Can you control your reaction? Yes.
3. Change the plan. You can’t go on with what you planned. You gotta go to the doctor now, or this procedure or that surgery. Do that. It’s not it your control.
4. Accept the change. This does not mean that you have to like it. You just gotta get thru it.
And your hair does look really good!
Recovering from chronic illness is a mental pivot as well as physical. I've come to realize that when I plan for "tomorrow", it's not the tomorrow that comes at the break of a new day on the calendar. It's the next "better day" that comes along, because the calendar tomorrow may be a bad day and nothing happens except a couple trips to the bathroom and a TV dinner. And it may be two or three calendar days before the planned tomorrow happens.
Yup! We all know this routine, but if you mentally pivot yor mental thinking to "tomorrow" equals the next "better day", it removes the guilt and shame of not getting it done on the calendar tomorrow and it feels more like progress is happening than the shame of being sick that day. By thinking this way, I'm more comfortable with having a bad day, which helps me heal faster, instead of being stressed that I had all this planned and it won't get done on this calendar tomorrow.
I hope this makes sense, let me know what you think. Sending lots of love 💖 from sunny 🌞 Arizona 🌵. Take care of yourself and each other 😷.
As a fellow chronic illness person, I've learned that compassion and kindness and grace are things that are so important to show to ourselves. The Fuckit Concept is brilliant. It's so important to cut yourself some slack. To stop, think 'fuck it' and know it's going to be ok 💖
I grew up with a disability and developed a chronic illness later in life, and last year, I had a stroke. I think I learned how to pivot pretty early on - probably in my early teens. It can be exhausting all the same, but it does come in handy.
It's also a neuro atypical thing. Changing course or system or procedure is disregulating. I need to take a few minutes to adjust and let it happen. And I'll be off for awhile.
I was thinking this exact same thing while watching
Yes. I am AuDHD and change is so hard for me. I usually dissociate or freak out for a day (or more) 🥲
My motto is that “ I have to carry on before I can move on”. I now know that I can and will move on so I don’t feel guilty for ‘carrying on’ (working through my feelings about the situation) until I am ready to move on.
Well hell, when I am on a smooth sailing momentum; I instantly am suspicious. And usually with good reason. Sending lots of healing love. It may not be apparent to you but I find you the most centered, realistic people I see in Planner/CZcams community. What you have taught me is plan as if you mean it, replan as you have to, follow the plan- whichever one makes sense and when the impossible happens. F**k it…keep going . Accept the realness of the good and the bad. Sticker over what is unless. Cindy, thank you. You are not alone. There is a whole horde of us rolling with you. Prayers for healing❤
Being the heart of a family is a huge responsibility. I don't want to call it a burden, but it is a heavy weight to carry. People need to acknowledge and support those who carry their families over their shoulders. They are strong but they get tired too.
Hi Cindy, I’m sleepless in the middle of the night, feeling stressed and rather overwhelmed. Listening to you just took the edge off for me. Has my reality changed? No, but somehow you made me feel better, less alone, more resilient. Thank you! Maybe if you watch yourself, you’ll feel better too!
Type A former gifted kid here too. Pivoting is a crucial skill, and it's hard to learn for sure. I found some useful nuggets by studying growth mindset principles, particularly the one that teaches me to try and step back from a situation and look objectively at it and try to learn what lessons I can. That's been a mainstay for me.
Great video. Keeping you and your family in my thoughts. And your hair does look great. :)
When my kid got his T1 dx I had to let go of control and learn to pivot big time. I am a control freak so I pretty much fell apart. Three years in now and I have pulled myself back together, found a supportive community and have learned (and am continually working on) how to just react to the data (blood sugar numbers) and know that I probably will never know why they went low or high so I can't prevent them all. He missed out on lots of different parties and activities because I couldn't let go of my fear of not keeping him in range. We are all in a much better place and know that he will be ok. Thanks to Jessie for adding his advice as well. I found your channel at the beginning of my "pull yourself together" era 😄 and just listening to you and focusing on lettering was my first crawl out of the hole. I thank you SO very much for that. I am always here in your corner rooting for you. ❤
Maybe you could add some questions to your weekly / monthly review & daily journaling to help you reframe? I have struggeled for years with a) making realistic (not overly-optimistic) plans, and then b) having the motivation to actually Do the things on my plan. I ran across an article years ago in which the author talked about OOPS -- Overly Optimistic Planning Syndrome. So, in my reviews I ask myself whether my planning was Appropriate or OOPS? I also ask myself Was I Resilient? and Did I Persevere? Maybe you can start asking yourself things like "Was I Resilient" (or "Did I Need to Pivot?"), "Why" and then "How Was I Resilient?" "What Did I Need to Let Go of?" "What Could I Delegate?"
RE your kid helping you; it will take some time to teach them what they need to know in order to be able to most effectively help you, but that will be time well spent. You (and your kid together, maybe) need to think about whether the _Method_ of doing or the _Result_ is the most important. To use a house-cleaning example -- if the result is clean dishes, does it really matter whether the delegatee washes the way I like to wash, with 2 dish basins: 1 in which to wash and 1 in which to rinse? As long as Hot water and soap are used (the important parameters), the dishes end up clean (the important result), and the kitchen is cleaned up at the end (mess, spilled water wiped up) does it really matter HOW the dishes got cleaned? So for what your kid could help you with, you could schedule a time for you to show your kid how you do the task, discuss what the important outcome of the task needs to be, then let your kid learn how to do the task. If your kid gets stuck or asks questions, they need to be able to ask you and you to help them. There also needs to be some evaluation built in, where you give your kid feedback on whether what they're doing meets the criteria you've established for that task, and what they might need to change to better meet your needs. It will take longer initially while your kid is learning, but eventually your kid will be doing whatever task that you don't need to do any longer. Maybe they'll do it differently than the way you like to do it. Maybe doing it a different way will be easier for your kid. As long as the task gets done & the results meet your needs, it's all good.
I've been practicing the pivot mindset for a year or so, and this is what i do. Take what you want and leave the rest....
1) I create a low, medium and high energy to do list, each week in my planner. Usually I only put 1 or 2 things in the high category, so i can do the thing or migrate it to another time. Sometimes it gets stricken off due to bandwidth or other reasons.
I usually have more low energy tasks on for the times (which is often) I've not got the energy or bandwidth.
2) All repeated tasks are broken down in small tiny steps. So I'm not overwhelmed and flooded.
3) All the repeated tasks are on post-its (brand) in my planner. So if something crops up, I can migrate it easily without self judgement. I did this on Monday afternoon & it was freeing to move it and pivot. I even have ironing on post-its for 1,2 or 3 hours. Mostly i can get my ironing done in 2 hours, but on the day i scheduled it, i was tired. So i changed it for the 1 hour post-it, did the priority stuff and migrated the other hour another time.
Above all lots of compassion.
This video + HB90 kickoff call. I needed this today! Q4 went sideways and Q1 has been cleaning up that mess and dealing with illness. I needed a pep talk. Thank you!
It me. I have so much trouble letting go of things. Anxiety is a you-know-what.
It's funny you mentioned a grudge from high school bc for some reason my brain this morning has been like 'remember that time with that one group project in college where everyone fucked you over and you were too chickenshit to talk to the professor about how you saved at least two people from blatant plagiarism' 🙄 that was like 15 years ago. But that's my brain's dumb way of reminding me to stick up for myself. Just wish it'd do it in a nicer way, esp since my chronic health has also been shitty this year (gotta have a brain MRI on Friday to try to start to figure out where my new neuro symptoms are coming from)
As for you - don't get rid of the old tshirts! Turn them into a tshirt quilt! I believe there's places where you can send them to and they'll make it for you too. That way you can still enjoy them AND they bring you warmth so it can trick the dumb part of the brain into believing they're actually useful and have a purpose (bc for some reason "because I like it" is often not good enough for it)
SO MUCH THIS. I have a bunch of chronic conditions, and I've had some of them as long as I can remember, so I'm pretty used to adjusting plans accordingly.
But then other things happen. I got a stupid cold about a month ago, and I'm still not back to even my previous long COVID normal. And it's driving me absolutely bonkers. I'm furious that I've landed on a whole different level of disability, that I simply cannot function at anything like my previous level, amd I have no idea when - or if - I'll ever get back to that. Which is scary as hell.
Thank you so much for continuing to share what things are really like for you. It's a wonderful counter to the all the ableist crap that's both out there and inside my head ❤
I hear you and I feel you. I had such great plans for last fall and the winter. I fell and hit my head. Into my sixth month of recovery from the resulting brain injury, and I am losing my mind. I totally, completely, utterly know exactly how it feels when health derails you, and how hard that is to cope with. I suck at it. Thank you so much for sharing so transparently. It makes many people -- including me -- feel like we're not alone in this struggle.
I'm a little over 4 months into my first job, & while I love what I do, it inherently operates on a very short-term basis (I work in live entertainment, & I only get assigned to one project at a time, so I usually only know 6 weeks to 2 months out what I'm doing or where I'll be. Currently I'm only scheduled through mid-May, & there's always a non-zero chance I'll get shipped out of the country with only a month-ish notice. They are incredibly respectful of scheduled vacation time, which is a blessing). It's been quite the adjustment from being in school, & it's absolutely compounded by trying to figure out how to be a real adult instead of a student, & by a medical condition that I'll be living with & taking medication for for the rest of my life (epilepsy, thankfully non-photosensitive so I can still do my job lol). I don't really have a point, just that I'm learning how to pivot in real time & it's kind of awful, but this video really resonated with me & reminded me that pivoting is a hard thing to do when you don't know how to do it, & I'm not alone in feeling this way. Thank you ❤
This video was really nice to watch. Your message was nice to hear. I'm dealing with PPA and PPD. I'm having money trouble, work issues, and relationship issues. To make it all worse CPS is involved in my family's life, now. I don't know what to do. Not at all. I'm so scared of the future. I really hope that you're right. I really hope that after this all passes, something better is waiting
When things go wonky my grand-daughter gets upset (she's 5). I tell her "life happens" and we just do our best. She likes that and calms down and we talk about what to do next. I have migraine headaches, and I know how much I hate having to let things go. But then my husband says "Life happens" and we move on. Hang in there friend!
I’m right there with you. I want to get so much done but being sick I just can’t. Your video brought me to tears because I so get it and it’s painfully hard to just be ok with things not going to plan. My planner has been a my link to dealing with it and not giving up. As always appreciate your video and you.
This is something I've struggled with for years. Sometimes I feel like the moment I make a plan and put it down on paper the universe's sole purpose is to create chaos. It's one of the reasons I struggle with consistency with my planners. I get discouraged and I'm like what's the point? It's all going to get janked up anyway.
Since the start of the year I've been a little better with it. I've managed to keep up my planner even if I have to update it here and there. I've been less reactive to changes and basically have just accepted them. I am a worrier and I've been so overwhelmed I simply don't have room to worry about all the things. So I don't know if that's better or worse. I try to tell myself "it's just a season" "it's just temporary" but I've been telling myself this for so long that my brain is tired of it and is starting to scream "When? Give me an end date!" I feel stuck...I am overworked in a toxic job environment. My husband was laid off so I'm the sole breadwinner right now. But trying to manage a high-performance job at a tech company while dealing with my chronic fatigue and fibromyalgia has just made living my life outside of work impossible. I only have energy for work and none left for hobbies or the people/animals in my life. My cats are like my kids and a few have some major health issues that leave their immediate future uncertain. I panic over having to make any big decisions right now because there are so many steps to what I want to do and it feels exhausting to start.
Weirdly, things change all around the pieces I feel stuck on. I struggle so much with handling the life changes I deal with right now, subconsciously I'm terrified of forcing change in the areas I need it (like a new job), if that makes any sense.
Letting go is definitely a practice......keeping you in my thoughts....
I used to get upset at work all the time. Someone would do or say something and I couldn’t let it go. It bugged me. It kept me up at night. My boss told me I needed to be like a duck in the rain and let the rain just roll off my back… it wasn’t until I had my first baby and had postpartum depression that I finally started to let things go that I couldn’t control. I had an actual meltdown first because I just couldn’t physically do everything that needed to be done. Found a therapist, started Lexapro, and got better. I still struggle some but not nearly as bad. Hugs ❤
One of the biggest things I learned from dealing with both a concussion and a long term disabling swelling disorder was that there were days when things wouldn’t get done. It helped to write out all the things I needed to do and put an energy rating on them (aka spoon theory or Parkwood Pacing theory style). I could pick and choose what I had energy for and on my bad days, I could lower my expectations but not be down on myself for not getting this huge list of things done. It was ok on the bad day that I got dressed and managed to get the dishes in the dishwasher because that was the only minimum thing I needed to do. Anything else (making the bed, reading a book, writing a journal entry, sweeping the kitchen floor) was a bonus. It helped me to feel less down on myself and realize that I was still ‘flailing in the forward direction’ to my goals. Not pretty, not graceful, but still moving forward. Holding you in the light through all of your ups and downs.
Wishing you a speedy recovery.
Good words for any stage in life you weren't expecting, Cindy!
My french friend Americans are way too good at pivoting. Ie we don't take time to reflect and maybe mourn if needed- we just go go go.
I think it's better to go go go, it's too hard to sit around basking the ruins of what didn't happen as you expected 😅
We here have a sayiing that is “If you want to make God laugh, tell him about your plans.“
You're in our prayers. Sending lots of love 💖 from sunny 🌞 Arizona 🌵. Take care of yourself and each other 😷
Kitty rolls! The hardest thing I ever learned to do was not have a total meltdown when something forced a change at the last minute. I'd just be crushed. Yes, I may be a little tightly wound... Anyway, it started with serious expectation management. Initially this was thinking about everything that could go wrong or cause a change in plans, and then think through how I could respond and change the plan. (Again, tightly wound.) Yes, I still get disappointed when plans have to change. But now it doesn't ruin my day/week. It's hard.
Give yourself grace and mercy as you see fit. One thing at a time when in change. If you go wonky then everything will be out of whack. U talking about this and reflecting will give you strength to accept change whenever it comes. Love your transparency ❤
Thank you for sharing with us. 😊 wishing you to feel better super soon . 🙏🏽💜
Thank you Cindy, for your willingness to share. I’ve come to realize that pivots often require grieving-what no longer is, or what can’t be for now. For me, naming those things I’m mourning in my journaling has helped me be a little less…resentful doesn’t seem like quite the right word, but maybe a little less resistent to course correction (aka pivoting)
thank you so much for this video - I know you are always very honest in your videos but this video just hit home for me especially today. so thank you just so much!
Thank you for sharing this Cindy, I appreciate you being vulnerable, honest, and real. I don't have any advice or could give anything cuz I'm sitting in similar feels but I will say seeing the kitties and pupper really was a highlight of the day! Sending you and everyone here in the comments all of the love 🧡
I struggle with this too. Especially at work, when I know things can be done in a better way and they just aren't. And I learned recently that I might have to have hip surgery and I'm too young for that!!! I can hear myself when I get frustrated and I haven't yet figured out a way to let it go, either at work or with my health stuff. I need to learn to keep it together and just let stuff work out the way it works out even when I get controlling about it. Let it wash over me without the anger.
Praying for your health and your pivot 💜💜💜
I just found your channel and it’s so refreshing to see a personality like yours in the planner community.
I hear you and hear this. My past year have been being a caretaker for my MIL ,who has cancer. I am also the sole income provider as my husband had to quit his job to be her full-time taxi driver for the majority of the year. Things will be better someday but I felt this through my soul.
Warm hugs! Hoping you can be kind to yourself!
I've taken to treating my health like weather. My pivoting is similar to having plans to go walking on the beach, then it's physically pouring rain or the wind picks up and blows sand in my face and makes the waves & tide wild. I cope with atmospheric weather and letting things go, so I can (not always) cope with health "weather" and having to make changes to my plans.
Hope you’re doing okay and getting stronger each day. You are missed!
Sending huge amounts of good thoughts, and hopes and wishes for you. And also wow that gym teacher was a jerk and a bully. I'm not surprised you're still pissed off. I struggle with pivoting even though i'm given the chance to practice almost every day! I try to remember that i can't hold myself to my very best, moat productive days. Sometimes my best is getting through the day.
As someone with multiple chronic problems/ illnesses/ family etc, the biggest thing I have found is....
"What is the next thing /blip on the radar?" Focus on one blip by blip.
It's also in John stienbeck's of mice and men I learned that quote in the 10th grade
For some of the stuff going on with your mental health, ask your therapist if they do something called Accelerated resolution therapy. Game changer. Literal game changer. The stuff that it brings out of your subconscious, with it then being flipped into something positive is one of the most liberating experiences
This video was amazing. I feel so validated ❤❤❤
I’m not chronically ill, but I’ve been through a lot of change and grief in the last 2 years especially in the last two months. I start a new job on 3/25 and I’m nervous.
I miss your videos. I hope you are recovering and are able to come back soon.
So here’s the thing with chronic illness at least from my perspective. Yep, pivoting is a major life skill and having a chronic illness gives you lots of practice so you do get better over time. BUT, dealing with a chronic illness, you have to be persistent and stubborn as hell which is not exactly a skill set conducive to making those unexpected changes. It’s a balancing act. Roll with things when you can but realize that the stubborness that makes it hard has also gotten you this far.
Those two croissants 🥐😻😻😻
Just been thinking about you! Hope you are doing well.
Cindy - missing your videos. Hope you and your family are ok.
Well said! Thanks for keeping it real. Oh and BTW, yea you are looking good! Face all glowing! Got me off my butt and put some makeup on😂
I hope you’re doing well.
You haven’t posted in a while, I hope everything is OK
In order to let things go, you have to find out why you don't want to let them go in the first place. For instance, after some reflection, you decide the reason you can't let that horrible coach go, is because you really want to tell him how abusive he was and how that made you feel. So you write him a letter. You show it to your mom so she knows how badly you were hurt and didn't back you up ... Or don't show it to anybody. Since coach is gone... Why not burn the letter, sending all those feelings into the universe to find Coach. Also, in the burning, you let them all go and in their place you put a happy memory. 💖🌞🌵😷
I’m sitting here listening to you, and I’m so curious how you’d test for Clifton Strengths. There’s a Strength called Adaptability, and you sound like you’re very low Adaptability. That doesn’t mean you can’t be adaptable, just that it’s not a natural mode for you. I have a lot of friends who have low Adaptability, and they often have to have a rage moment about what they planned/expected to happen not happening, and then they can move forward. Maybe pre-planning to give space for that rage moment might help a little bit?
Planning people are not really journaling people 😂 but yes I finally gave in and it does help ❤❤ to all my planner people plz journal! It’s the missing piece.
The best laid schemes o' mice an' men / Gang aft a-gley.~Robbie Burns, To a Mouse
Me too. I had all these plans, and then I got COVID mid-January. I was supposedly "better" by the end of the month but I've been struggling with massive fatigue and brain fog since then. I'm joking that, when I said I wanted to be 25 again, I didn't mean the bit where I had mono for 3 months (because that's very much what this feels like)! But I also struggle with fighting to deliver my work stuff and walk the dog, and then not having any spoons left for stuff like making dinner for myself, or doing laundry, let alone doing any organizing. I couldn't even read for the first few weeks, and I'm an obsessive reader! I just want to feel like *me* again.