It's called gaslighting it's mental abuse simple as that. They need to be and adult and stop trying to protect there ego. Walk away there immature selfish narcissistic people. It's nkt worth your energy.
So true. I've never regretted trusting my gut, even when something doesn't quite work out the way I want it to. But I've ALWAYS regretted when I haven't trusted my gut. It's there for a reason.
I had a gut feeling. Then I questioned her, she denied it, then I caught them together. The denial continued for ten months. Always go with your gut instinct. Totally devastating,wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy
I hope you get help for your cognitive distortions. Saying “women” when there are billions of women on the planet, and they can’t all be lumped together…your experience is but a small iota of what exists on earth. To make it a projection of all women is wholly warped, sad, and an attempt to feel certain/in control. The word “never” is due to a cognitive distortion as well. Always/never, black/white, is dichotomous thinking and shows an inability to see the many shades of grey in life, and is very limiting. Most people experience this way of thinking from time to time, but often can zoom out and realize they aren’t thinking clearly. However, those with mental health issues (especially personality disorders) use cognitive distortions regularly and don’t realize it. They have warped lenses, altered reality, and unreliable narratives as a result. There are some women who will absolutely admit an affair, some who won’t. I’ve heard many stories of the whole gamut. Maybe your painful experience is informing your tunnel vision…but it isn’t helping you. It is very unhealthy.
I have finally got to the bottom of my ex partners cheating. I’m a heartbroken mess and my family is in ruins, I have young children and it kills me to know they won’t have the stability my parents provided for me. At least I know the only way is up from here.
Good-day Lisa. My name is Maggie ( Grants wife) or soon to be ex. Thank you for this video. I really can relate to everything you've said. I am sorry for what you went through. I am thankful though that God gave you the strength to overcome and help others.🙏💖🇨🇦🤗
I remember my husband was treating me so badly wouldn’t talk me I suspected cheating so I asked and he lied. I did however find out he had a2 year affair. The messages was 🤮 but yet he swears he never touched her. Such lies
My wife got this new job a few years back? Within 2 months of employment she changed? Personality, her appearance including sexy lingerie she only wore to work, she started accusing me of going astray, always talking about her male coworkers like they were super heroes, obsessive texting and when I ask about this? It was the worst argument we ever had in 15 years of marriage and she moved into a spare bedroom and cut me off from sex and will no longer answer questions regarding this situation, she no longer works there she was fired she said for a parking lot violation?? Several speeding warnings?? Her other coworkers on that shift were fired around the same time for?? Wait for it??? Having sexual relations on company property during company hours even her Supervisor and Shift Lead were also fired for having sex with shift employees while at work when I ask her what she knew about it and if she had anything to do with it? TOTAL SILENCE ☹️
When they deny is double worse in terms of what their character means. But sometimes it can mean just a realism because there is no point to confess it.
My husband till, now he is lying if I ask him he will deny all of his cheating even if it's all obvious and I knew it all.. I just need to hear the words from him but he can't take responsibility of what he does and continually doing what they've started... He is cheating
I'm in this same boat with my wife of 26 years right now, I think for me, what hurts the worse is for 22 years I never even so much as had a butterfly effect in my gut of the thought of her ever doing anything remotely close to an affair, then it was like one day she started acting strange and suddenly my gut go so twisted I literally almost threw up but still couldn't convince myself that it was because my gut ,heart and mind suddenly realized she's having an affair and I didn't question her for the longest time until with so much proof outside of catching her actually with someone, I finally broke down and asked her and of course I'm crazy, she wouldn't ever, but hell no I can't see her phone, no I can't have her screen code to her phone, no I can't have her password to her email accounts or even to her computer (though she has all my passwords to everything of mine), though never catching her in any lies in the prior 22 years, suddenly she lies about things that doesn't even make since to be lying about ect... what sucks the worse for me is, though I think she's taken a break from actually sleeping with anyone else, she's still talking to other men and I'm still so in love with my wife, I can't leave her
Boy do I need a woman to talk to about my current predicament. You sure did nail the emotions in your into though. I've had 8 long term relationships in my life and 7 of them I physically caught cheating.
I had 3 long-term relationships, and all of them cheated. The last being the worst as he tried to buy an engagement ring to fix the situation but had no intention of stopping seeing his "friend". These people just have no empathy.
Great video, I really needed to hear this, my husband had an affair for 6 years, he called it friends with benefits, now he’s very remorseful, ashamed, and empathic towards me, can you do a video about authentic remorse? What should I be looking for, thank you
Lorraine M, is he willing to give full and complete disclosure for the 6 years he was in that affair and the others? Are you prepared to hear the truth and let the old marriage and old husband die? Consider why you will or should remain married to this person and the benefits to you? But also explore what divorce can bring. This is not an overnight process but I pray you have the courage and strength you need to face it.
Yes he has told me everything over and over, and there were no other women, he is fighting for me to stay, our counselor said that not to many men fight for over a year to stay in the marriage and that he’s been a roll model, and wishes other men would do the same, it will be a year this April 25, and I’ve seen a huge difference in my husband especially with him being transparent with me, and only blames himself for his choice, I do have a long road ahead of me, I am not taking this lightly, thank you so much for your advice, it means a lot to me bless you
she kept saying “i’m not looking for a relationship with you or anyone else, I just want to work on myself” then I ask the dude I got suspicions about he gone tell me they kissed…. but she says they’re just friends now she doesn’t want to talk to me at all she says she feels unsafe which is fair but now idk if i’m being gaslit or not haven’t been talking to her but she know i’m still attached idc about the cheating I just want to talk about it and put it behind me for good
Nonjoke trust your gut so what you have to do to find out. And if you find out before they tell you leave. I know first hand after 18 years of it time makes it harder.
Thank you so much for the update load . Question for everyone. What if your gut keeps saying that there might be something there . Due to the pattern of your partner. But they are denying the allegations.. But your guts is still saying no there is something there . Do you think that they were in route of doing something? But since I mentioned it they stopped or do you think there is something there?
Trust your guts. If they are purposely being vague about where they are going, or whom they are hanging out with, especially if they were transparent before. If they get defensive when you ask them where they are going, those are all possible signs.
In my case my husband denied everything and I asked him to stop whoever he was texting. I got to the point that I contacted our mobile phone provider and they emailed his text and phone logs to me (I paid the phone bill) I found 113 phone calls and over 1100 texts to his 20 year old co worker. My husband is 60. We’re no longer together and our adult children refuse contact with him. He has lost everything and destroyed our family. The man I loved and trusted with my life is nothing but a predator
@@angiehannan4677 wow sorry to here that . I am still trying to figure things out . One thing I found out is that the person o believe that something is going on with they recently transferred to a different location. All of a sudden now she wants to leave the place ! That’s odd would you say !
If you are able to,dig deeper. I was able to match his phone calls to dates and times and cross referenced them with credit card statements. I saw that he would call her 2 or 3 times then drive 25 kilometres away and buy petrol from a petrol station close to her home. Good luck.
A cheater has already given themselves permission to deceive and lie to their official partner and they have chosen and renewed many times the same choice, so you need to anticipate this. f you have the guts feeling there is an inappropriate relationship, it is very likely you are right. They will deny it and, knowing you are suspicious, they will delete any evidence. So you have to play the game unfortunately and FIRST you look for and collect the evidence and only THEN you ask the question. If they are honest, you talk, if they are not and they will lie and gaslight you, shove the evidence in their face. It is THEIR FAULT if you had to play a dirty game you really would have never chosen.
Should I feel guilty if I got caught by one of my girlfriends and the other one never found out that I had another girlfriend what should I do next time that I try to have a different relationship at the same time is it wrong if you never got caught or told her About it.
I think he is dating a colleague. He is definitely in love with her! He takes care of her children but downed me for having one. She gave him a pajamas and bought him a Nike suit for Christmas! He thinks I’m stupid! That is why he does not have any money. He is paying her bills and having her grass cut! Facts! The man thinks I’m stupid!
When you find evidence and they still deny deny deny... It is maddening. When your eyes have shown you the truth and their words make you feel insane.
So tru
EXACTLY!!!!!!!!
It's called gaslighting it's mental abuse simple as that. They need to be and adult and stop trying to protect there ego. Walk away there immature selfish narcissistic people. It's nkt worth your energy.
When you know, you know. There’s the gut feeling that can’t lie to you
So true. I've never regretted trusting my gut, even when something doesn't quite work out the way I want it to. But I've ALWAYS regretted when I haven't trusted my gut. It's there for a reason.
@@robertryan952same
I had a gut feeling. Then I questioned her, she denied it, then I caught them together. The denial continued for ten months. Always go with your gut instinct. Totally devastating,wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy
When you know you know.
Exactly
That's my line 😊
Beat me to it aswell 😂
Me too
Yup.
Women will never admit an affair
Not true!
I hope you get help for your cognitive distortions.
Saying “women” when there are billions of women on the planet, and they can’t all be lumped together…your experience is but a small iota of what exists on earth. To make it a projection of all women is wholly warped, sad, and an attempt to feel certain/in control.
The word “never” is due to a cognitive distortion as well. Always/never, black/white, is dichotomous thinking and shows an inability to see the many shades of grey in life, and is very limiting. Most people experience this way of thinking from time to time, but often can zoom out and realize they aren’t thinking clearly. However, those with mental health issues (especially personality disorders) use cognitive distortions regularly and don’t realize it. They have warped lenses, altered reality, and unreliable narratives as a result.
There are some women who will absolutely admit an affair, some who won’t. I’ve heard many stories of the whole gamut.
Maybe your painful experience is informing your tunnel vision…but it isn’t helping you. It is very unhealthy.
@JaredTAlleythey have them that measure the pupils. The pupils are 80% accurate in dedecting a lie.
I agree.
I don't buy that they hate lying, have remorse and take responsibility for their actions. That's such bs!
Happened with my spouse, 4 years. Still struggle with dealing with resentment. Not sure if they’re still doing it, but the damage is extensive. 😢
It sure is.
I have finally got to the bottom of my ex partners cheating. I’m a heartbroken mess and my family is in ruins, I have young children and it kills me to know they won’t have the stability my parents provided for me. At least I know the only way is up from here.
Good-day Lisa. My name is Maggie ( Grants wife) or soon to be ex. Thank you for this video. I really can relate to everything you've said. I am sorry for what you went through. I am thankful though that God gave you the strength to overcome and help others.🙏💖🇨🇦🤗
If you don’t have that emotional intimacy in your marriage and have either someone else’s, it’s not robbing your marriage of anything.
I remember my husband was treating me so badly wouldn’t talk me I suspected cheating so I asked and he lied. I did however find out he had a2 year affair. The messages was 🤮 but yet he swears he never touched her. Such lies
My wife got this new job a few years back? Within 2 months of employment she changed? Personality, her appearance including sexy lingerie she only wore to work, she started accusing me of going astray, always talking about her male coworkers like they were super heroes, obsessive texting and when I ask about this? It was the worst argument we ever had in 15 years of marriage and she moved into a spare bedroom and cut me off from sex and will no longer answer questions regarding this situation, she no longer works there she was fired she said for a parking lot violation?? Several speeding warnings?? Her other coworkers on that shift were fired around the same time for?? Wait for it??? Having sexual relations on company property during company hours even her Supervisor and Shift Lead were also fired for having sex with shift employees while at work when I ask her what she knew about it and if she had anything to do with it? TOTAL SILENCE ☹️
That is a horrible after 15 years. What a monster.
I am in this situation and it’s like you are speaking to me. Thank you 😢
I'm almost 100% sure my wife is having an affair
What is yoyr gut telling you.
She could be gaslighting you.
I admire this position of an observer, while you don't know it for sure.
Hey Lisa, did you do something different with your hair? Looks nice!
I salute u ur such a intelligent lady to make people understand
When they deny is double worse in terms of what their character means.
But sometimes it can mean just a realism because there is no point to confess it.
Thank you..I feel like you really understood and answered. Great insight. I feel less "crazy" during this. Ty
If a man will have sex with his best friends girl trust he will cheat with any woman that offers it to him. He’s trash from the start!
It is definitely crazy-making
Thank you so much.
Thank you ❤
My husband till, now he is lying if I ask him he will deny all of his cheating even if it's all obvious and I knew it all.. I just need to hear the words from him but he can't take responsibility of what he does and continually doing what they've started... He is cheating
I'm in this same boat with my wife of 26 years right now, I think for me, what hurts the worse is for 22 years I never even so much as had a butterfly effect in my gut of the thought of her ever doing anything remotely close to an affair, then it was like one day she started acting strange and suddenly my gut go so twisted I literally almost threw up but still couldn't convince myself that it was because my gut ,heart and mind suddenly realized she's having an affair and I didn't question her for the longest time until with so much proof outside of catching her actually with someone, I finally broke down and asked her and of course I'm crazy, she wouldn't ever, but hell no I can't see her phone, no I can't have her screen code to her phone, no I can't have her password to her email accounts or even to her computer (though she has all my passwords to everything of mine), though never catching her in any lies in the prior 22 years, suddenly she lies about things that doesn't even make since to be lying about ect... what sucks the worse for me is, though I think she's taken a break from actually sleeping with anyone else, she's still talking to other men and I'm still so in love with my wife, I can't leave her
is your gut feeling normaly right a sicky feeling love your vids
Boy do I need a woman to talk to about my current predicament. You sure did nail the emotions in your into though. I've had 8 long term relationships in my life and 7 of them I physically caught cheating.
I had 3 long-term relationships, and all of them cheated. The last being the worst as he tried to buy an engagement ring to fix the situation but had no intention of stopping seeing his "friend".
These people just have no empathy.
This kind of thing is not shareable with a partner.
It's because they know the marriage will end for them once they get caught
Great video, I really needed to hear this, my husband had an affair for 6 years, he called it friends with benefits, now he’s very remorseful, ashamed, and empathic towards me, can you do a video about authentic remorse? What should I be looking for, thank you
Lorraine M, is he willing to give full and complete disclosure for the 6 years he was in that affair and the others? Are you prepared to hear the truth and let the old marriage and old husband die? Consider why you will or should remain married to this person and the benefits to you? But also explore what divorce can bring. This is not an overnight process but I pray you have the courage and strength you need to face it.
Yes he has told me everything over and over, and there were no other women, he is fighting for me to stay, our counselor said that not to many men fight for over a year to stay in the marriage and that he’s been a roll model, and wishes other men would do the same, it will be a year this April 25, and I’ve seen a huge difference in my husband especially with him being transparent with me, and only blames himself for his choice, I do have a long road ahead of me, I am not taking this lightly, thank you so much for your advice, it means a lot to me bless you
Be careful, bet he does it again. Two wives, two cheaters. Not good to live through especially when we were raising two sons.
You are amazing
Trust your gut
she kept saying “i’m not looking for a relationship with you or anyone else, I just want to work on myself” then I ask the dude I got suspicions about he gone tell me they kissed…. but she says they’re just friends now she doesn’t want to talk to me at all she says she feels unsafe which is fair but now idk if i’m being gaslit or not haven’t been talking to her but she know i’m still attached idc about the cheating I just want to talk about it and put it behind me for good
Nope they are one step from going all the way . They always say ( I dont have the time ) they are seeing someone else .
Nonjoke trust your gut so what you have to do to find out. And if you find out before they tell you leave. I know first hand after 18 years of it time makes it harder.
Thank you so much for the update load .
Question for everyone.
What if your gut keeps saying that there might be something there . Due to the pattern of your partner. But they are denying the allegations..
But your guts is still saying no there is something there . Do you think that they were in route of doing something? But since I mentioned it they stopped or do you think there is something there?
Trust your guts. If they are purposely being vague about where they are going, or whom they are hanging out with, especially if they were transparent before. If they get defensive when you ask them where they are going, those are all possible signs.
In my case my husband denied everything and I asked him to stop whoever he was texting. I got to the point that I contacted our mobile phone provider and they emailed his text and phone logs to me (I paid the phone bill) I found 113 phone calls and over 1100 texts to his 20 year old co worker. My husband is 60. We’re no longer together and our adult children refuse contact with him. He has lost everything and destroyed our family. The man I loved and trusted with my life is nothing but a predator
@@angiehannan4677 wow sorry to here that . I am still trying to figure things out . One thing I found out is that the person o believe that something is going on with they recently transferred to a different location. All of a sudden now she wants to leave the place ! That’s odd would you say !
If you are able to,dig deeper. I was able to match his phone calls to dates and times and cross referenced them with credit card statements. I saw that he would call her 2 or 3 times then drive 25 kilometres away and buy petrol from a petrol station close to her home. Good luck.
@@angiehannan4677 thank you 🙏 appreciate it !
A cheater has already given themselves permission to deceive and lie to their official partner and they have chosen and renewed many times the same choice, so you need to anticipate this. f you have the guts feeling there is an inappropriate relationship, it is very likely you are right. They will deny it and, knowing you are suspicious, they will delete any evidence. So you have to play the game unfortunately and FIRST you look for and collect the evidence and only THEN you ask the question. If they are honest, you talk, if they are not and they will lie and gaslight you, shove the evidence in their face. It is THEIR FAULT if you had to play a dirty game you really would have never chosen.
ANOTHER QUESTION IF I KNEW THAT I WAS A NOT THE ONLY GUY IN HERE LIFE BUT HAD NO PROBLEM WITH HER HAVING FRIENDS
Google their names their friends names family names and you will see google numbers it's how cheaters communicate
Should I feel guilty if I got caught by one of my girlfriends and the other one never found out that I had another girlfriend what should I do next time that I try to have a different relationship at the same time is it wrong if you never got caught or told her About it.
Are you serious?!?
I think he is dating a colleague. He is definitely in love with her! He takes care of her children but downed me for having one. She gave him a pajamas and bought him a Nike suit for Christmas! He thinks I’m stupid! That is why he does not have any money. He is paying her bills and having her grass cut! Facts! The man thinks I’m stupid!
You are stupid if you stay with him. I say that with compassion, not ridicule.