7 Signs Your Parents Are Toxic (But You Don't Realize It)
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- čas přidán 12. 06. 2024
- When we talk about toxic parents, we don't mean parents who want to be toxic for the soul purpose of being toxic. Parents are people too and raising kids is a learning process. Unfortunately, there are common toxic things that parents do that does more harm than good. Can you spot some of these toxic parents patterns in your own family?
Also, June is Pride Month. Did you guys know?
We also made a video on the toxic things parents say: • 8 Toxic Things Parents...
Writer: Syazwana Amirah
Script Editor: Denise Ding
Script Manager: Kelly Soong
Voice: Amanda Silvera / amandasilvera
Animator: Sun Biscuit
CZcams Manager: Cindy Cheong
REFERENCES
Burton, N. (2013, February 13). How to deal with insults and put-downs | Psychology Today. Retrieved January 17, 2022, from www.psychologytoday.com/us/co...
Lancer, D. (2018, August 31). 12 clues a relationship with a parent is toxic … Psychology Today. Retrieved January 17, 2022, from www.psychologytoday.com/intl/...
Martin, S. (2021, September 13). 15 signs you have a toxic parent. Live Well with Sharon Martin. Retrieved January 17, 2022, from www.livewellwithsharonmartin....
What are you celebrating for June? Comment below.
IM A BIG FAN pin me please
Summer vacation 👍🏻
Pride Month! =D
My birthday if its June 22!
My birthday and pride month 😁
The worst part is when it becomes normalized. As a kid, I never realized just how toxic it is; I thought it was normal.
Me too. It still bothers me.
Me too. It's just sad when kids who have toxic parents don't even know if their toxic and think they're just strict.
Me too....and i am facing it ....when i was just child....and now i m 18....and still dealing with it....and bcs of this i just lost my self confidence or self esteem....i really hate it and the worst part is i was abused in my childhood physically and i also informed my father about it...but he didnt take any action and just told me to ignore it and focus in carrer
Yeah. This brought me to tears. 😢
I had no idea I was being abused (and still am) until I was about 40 and taking a juvenile delinquency class for my criminal justice degree, when I realized it. I thought all kids were treated the same way and the families on tv were so wonderful because they were fiction. What's really bad is when they make you feel guilty for realizing they're not the best parents in the world. *sigh*
I'd rather be childfree and regret not having a child THAN having one that I cannot maintain...
Exactly.
👍👍👍👍
Or having a child and spinning the toxic parent pinwheel over and over.
Same i dont want to screw up another souls whole life
Amen, brother >:)
And when parents say "You are just a child what problems do you have in life ?"
AND Whatever happens, they will always blame you, They won't believe you and say that it's your mistake always even when it is not. And the worst is when they say that they will help us when we tell them about our problems and tensions but they DON'T.
Hello
Or what my mom says to me: you don’t work. What mental health issues can you possibly have? Knowing well I have autism and suffer from anxiety and depression.
@@OfficialToxicCat exactly . So sad that many parents are like this
My parents are toxic, and I thought it was normal, and I am deeply sorry to other people going through this 💕
You’re not the only one 😢
Mine isn’t… I am rooting for you!
I don't belive a single person.
True
Dad thinks he is hot shit, but he is full of bullshit! I don't bother with him, for my own well-being. I have a much better quality of life without him!
“How dare you speak like that to your father!”
“How dare you speak like that to your daughter”
“I am the parent! I can speak to you how I want to!”
OH I DARE
If they're old challenge them to a 1v1 irl and beat their ass
I see you've met my mother...
I dare as well shut up
My mom told me straight up “I’m your mother, you’re the child I don’t have to respect you”
Everything hits you like a train once you are an adult, and it hurts just as much as the real thing.
I don't know what this "at once" is.
It's been about as "at once" as being crushed to death with a hydraulic press.
But now you are finally released from the grasp of control!
@@Psych2go Ugh, REALLY!?
I was never caught in a grasp of control AT ALL before. Are you sure that you're going to want the internet to place one ONTO me!?
Because I don't think my parents will let ANYONE do that. And if you think that I should have been abused, YOU'RE JUST PATHETIC. >:(
@@azureblade5610 Bruh chill, they are not talking about you. They are tryna spread awareness.
@@LetsGo_SVT [I THINK IT'S TOO LATE FOR YOU TO TALK TO HIM ANYMORE, UHHHH....]
[WELL, TA-TA! SIGNED, L.]
I'm literally crying right next to my mum and she dosen't even notice. How great.
I'm so sorry to hear that. my mom is just like that.😒
SAME TWIN! That's actually what's happening to me rn as I'm reading your comment, lol twins
This is me too I also cried watching this
The worst part is When people relate to this,it just breaks my heart💔
~timestamps~
1.they project their negativity onto you 0:28
2.they show little to no empathy 1:00
3.they are overly critical 1:42
4.despite knowing your boundaries,they ignore them 2:32
5.they insult you to hurt you 3:20
6.you are the reason for anything negative 3:56
7.they are all take and no give 4:41
hope this helps💕have a great day y'all💝
This man is doing god's work
@@pulkitsukhija who
Damn this hits a nerve :(
@@AquariusIscariot33 wdym I’m a kid as you can see
All 7
What's crazy is my parents don't even realize their toxic but they continue to live as if they do nothing wrong.
ye, mine too
Mine also
Mine too
@@tiktokmidMine three
I got the "We did the best we could, can't blame us for that."
It always hurts to see kids with their parents having the time of their life, and especially when the parents don’t seem to mind ANYTHING that their child does
Yeah however I don’t really agree on the last one cuz isn’t natural for a child to try to help I don’t really think it’s toxic that parents have a problem and their kid try’s to help
*I feel so bad for people who have delt with toxic families, I could never possibly know what that pain must've felt like :(*
Huh? But i feel that normal to happen-
@@Es_Kiko._ it literally says toxic parents. Not normal
I am so happy for u 🩵 nontoxic parents must be good, but I have a supportive sister ;)
My dad kicked me out of the house for losing his “favorite tape measurer” I was out in the cold for an hour and when I came back into the house I was freezing cold and shivering, my dad laughed at me and told me I was faking a reaction and overdramatizing it. He then got my brother and mom to laugh and mock me too.
Fck em
So 😞
I say when you’re 18, RUN
just study ur ass of and become successful and give them nothing,let them see how it feels to be ignored and treated like a bag of trash,don’t let their words and actions get to you,you’re way better,i belive you can become a kind adult,not like the people who should have been there for you and support you but hadn’t,keep ur chin up and never let anyone tell you you’re less than enough.
Have a great day beautiful soul,hopefully you ll start to feel better!❤️❤️
@@Mara-lk9ct …but not everyone can do this. when you have little to no support, it takes every ounce of strength to even get up in the mornings. How can they even begin to work their ass off with no rest in sight? Neither physical, emotional, or mental?
"Sometimes even the closest person is actually the real enemy" -Me
true, its my toxic homophobic mom
@@shakurwonders5216 if u dont mind answering are u member of LGBT and your mom is unaccepting?
@ThatGirlJackie VLOGS!💚 why ??
not like that you can't be your own enemy love yourself always coz in the end its you who are with you till the last time not your parents or whatsoever
exactly.
Let's break the cycle of emotional abuse. My parents passed some things down that should've never been said or taught.
This, except paired with spontaneous moments of unconditional love, being my parents’ pride and joy, being love bombed, only for it to all fall apart at the slightest notice. They were my source of comfort and fear, the subject of my admiration and my resentment.
I constantly flip back and forth between feeling like I should distance myself as much as possible, because im certain they are toxic, to thinking I’m delusional, a bad person and making up problems where there aren’t any because I’m spoiled and manipulative. I never know which side is right, and when is the right time to do anything.
I can really relate to this. I'm only 13. Not at all with my mother but definitely with my father
Holy shit, this hits close to home for me.
As someone who has heard the "I'm the parent" excuse when my boundaries weren't respected more times than I can count, my god, do I hate it when parents use that excuse
All the time
Yes and because I said so now shut up or ur dead 😂 then they proceed like nothing happened like wtf lol
Hierarchal entitlement they experienced when they were children
Whenever they say that, I just say, “Then act like it. Instead of being childish and belittling me, you could treat me way better than that.” Makes them even more mad, but I accomplish my goal 😆
Yeah, "Because I said so/asked you to" "I am your father" "I put a roof over your head"
I think one question remains is how can we overcome toxic parents that continue to do so when we’re adults
True! I don’t think it ever ends tbh. My father is getting really old but still behaves the same.
true! How will you overcome toxicity?
@@Psych2go What, are you saying that I'm gonna have to fall short of healthy parents and healthiness?
*Why do you hate me so much? YOU'RE PATHETIC! >:(*
@@susanlisson7066 do not worry it will end someday😊
Simple you cut them off, nothing lasts forever not friendships and certainly not family….
The parentification and boundaries one got me. Sometimes I wish parents had some of the same knowledge we do. Yes, they may be more clever, and smart, but with mental illnesses with their child, some are just stupid at it.
It seems to be a cycle, best way to be able to move forward is therapy, learning life coping skills, as they say knowledge is power! Often parents have their own set of issues due to un-resolved childhood trauma, however big or small, effected them, became normalized to them. I'm a mom with my own trauma, I've learnt alot through knowledge,knowing, I still make mistakes, I apologize, I remember never still to this day! Never getting a reason why!? Or an apology, and sometimes that hurt the most! When we know something, or acknowledge the problem we can then heal as the individual tht was subjected to so much of someone elses projected childhood traumas.
I was never allowed to close my door because “ I need to see everything you do” and 4:10 the second one I relate. I was always the therapist if the family and I became very depressed and I was bottling it down and… I at one point burst when someone was making fun of my mum for being too st
As long as I'm clothing and feeding you, you'll follow my rules. Those are the manipulative words of toxic parents. They also show no empathy and they expect that their children will show them empathy. They're just always demanding. This is a very common thing that happens here in Africa
Bad parenting all around the planet. hurting babies everywhere
@@sludgerat666 This is sadonic and heartbreaking
@@derekkennedy20 it's the unfortunate truth for many children.
I agree 100% At least men think they are the kings and you are the slave. You have to answer yes to everything. Sad.
@@ey7349 who said it’s always men?
Having toxic parents sucks especially with boundaries and privacy
I'm almost 18. Yet i share a room with my brother
We can't close our door
I can't even have privacy in the bathroom or while showering.
Being able to be home alone for a few minutes is a heaven
Same goes to me, i feel you mate 😢
oh this is too hard
So you are expected to shit, piss and shower with the door open?
I am so sorry you can’t have your own space. Stay strong 💕
If u feel blissful when u r alone, it's not a home, it's just a house.
my parents always tend to scream or argue whenever I cry. they say “Stop crying!” Or “This isn’t something to cry about.” it’s almost like they think we’re, immune to it..
-They Set Limits (Especially with Complainers)
-They Don't Die in the Fight.
-They Rise Above.
-They Stay Aware of Their Emotions.
-They Establish Boundaries.
-They Won't Let Anyone Limit Their Joy.
- They Don't Focus on Problems-Only Solutions.
for everyone who has this, i am so sorry, i’ve went thru this and i hope y’all are going to feel better😊
My mom doesn't remember the toxic things she's said to me. I remember though, and I haven't seen her the same way as I used to before. I moved away since. But when I was around I wasn't mentally alright. At first I learned that expressing myself ended with her always one-uping my experiences with hers. So at some point I shut my mouth completely. I stop talking. Seemed to solve any fights or arguments. I suppose that didn't work well for me. As it made it harder for me to socialize in school and with family in general. "The quiet kid", I'm not proud of it. Because I kept to myself so much I was like a bomb ticking. When I did show emotion, and often in fights with mom, I'd get loud. But always tried to make sure what I said wasn't to attack her. I know my mom's gone through a lot, she's traumatized in ways I dont understand. I've always and will feel empathetic torwards her. But I don't feel it from her and she wasn't when I needed her the most.
I can relate to your situation.
You didn't choose this. Yes, she has her troubles. It sucks, and you have a healthy perspective.
Good for you for not making personal attacks on her.
Forgive yourself for not being perfect, and do your best to take care of yourself. You are worth it.
They don't remember out of convenience.
Believe me she remembered what she did and said! It's a combination of denial and gaslighting and a continuation of the abuse! And it try to make you believe you're crazy and remember things wrong! And being abused in their past is no excuse! I was seriously abused. And my motivations was to make sure that I did not repeat the the destructive behavior on my child! That is love.
I can relate. Wish I could move out but am scared I’ll fail and run back to them.
Perhaps she wants you to know she understands how you feel? Could telling you her story a way to say that she sympathizes? Just a thought.
I think parents don’t realize that what we live when we’re young has a huge impact on us
They probably think that someone so young can’t understand their own feelings and can’t feel something intense so they tend to belittle their child’s experience, and in some way I don’t even blame them, but I realized that who I am today is the result of how they treated me so yeah, parents shouldn’t think that their words have no negative effect
couldnt ve said it better
So very true 💕
They probably act the way they do because that's how they were raised and thought it was ok and normal up project that onto their kids also
true.
3:56 my mom never says it, but when shes mad or i make a mistake, she always yells and gets angry to the point where i flinch. I hate being yelled at now. Amd i always feel like im never enough becuase if i was, she wouldnt be mad when i ask her questions od make a mistake like steping infront of her shopping cart or getting in her walking path.
My whole family(close and distant) have a record of not letting the rest of the family, people who are considered as friends and even people who are physically not part of the family have boundaries and will teach their child to always, and I mean ALWAYS, invade other peoples personal space.
I myself have been terribly touchy with my friends and they always get uncomfortable with me around since I always pat them on the head, hug them, touch their shoulder or knee etc.
I didn’t realize I was invading their personal space until it became a problem of them distancing from me slowly until they just weren’t my friend anymore
My parents never gave me boundaries and still don’t emotionally and physically
I have tried to establish my own boundaries many times but they either ignore me entirely or even go as far as to mocking me and/or using it as a one sided joke
I am trying to better myself, giving my friends their emotional and physical boundaries and promised myself that once I get a kid when I’m older, I will teach and give them their personal space and not be like the rest of my family line
Edit: my parents are getting better and they do try to set boundaries with me now. Unlike how I’ve put it in this comment, they are NOT toxic and I still love and care for them very much.
I am the opposite, I cringe when Dad or his brother Roger touch me, it is inappropriate. Their jokes, too.
The “You ruined my life” and the “I couldn’t get to my goals because I had to raise you”. My mom says this to me minimum once a week. All the other stuff too, but, you saying the exact same phrase they say to me was suprising
Wasn't your fault that you were born
I would reply “you should have used protection then when having sex” 😝
It's HER fault for getting pregnant. Tell her that next time.
My mom usually just says to me "I WISH YOU WERE NEVER BORN!!" and " YOU ARE A KID I PICKED UP FROM A TRASH CAN (i am not)!!" she also said, "my duty is only to give you food and a school to go to, its not in my duty to give you more than that" and to my little sister, she treats her like an angel. When i look back at my sister, she had the childhood i dreamed to have....
It is never the child's fault for existing! The child isn't the one who couldn't "keep it in their pants!!
One day that I’ll never forget is when I was having a panic attack, my dad said, “No teenager your age acts like this!” And then my mom agreed with him. I was shocked because ik ppl that have/had panic attacks and they don’t get blamed or shamed! Anybody at any age gets that.. This is why I don’t like talking about my feelings so much because I think that someone will use my feelings against me.🙄 (there’s a lot more bs with my dad.)
I'm so sorry you had to go through that. It's one thing to have a parent be an asshole but to have the other one agree? That's heartbreaking. I have that same feeling that others will use my feelings against me but I'm trying my hardest to drop that 🙏
same, hugs for you because I feel that pain, lI was going through I panic attack and my dad told me ‘if I made one more sound I wouldn’t want to know what would happen next’
your parents must be asholes and how could your parents be so awful you should move out of that house and let them deal with there own problems you kids and teenagers and maybe even adults who are sensitive shouldnt have parents like that 🙍♂️🙍♀️🚫😡😤
Same here but with social anxiety
Thank you for sharing this
*When you relate to all of these and with every drop that falls into that bucket, you find yourself fighting back another tear*
“Respect is earned, not given”
I know my parents are toxic because I hate them. They've just acted this way since I was little and had no clue why, I didn't realize it or thought it was normal, but now growing up and as a teenager, I realized it more and more and now I hate the way they act towards me. Sometimes they blame things on me and literally makes me annoyed and hate even more each day. This is my story. :(
Oh I feel sorry for you :(
i hope you can handle this out💪
So sorry...I willpeay that future friends and family show you love just cause ur u!!
you're not alone jell. this never really changes. try and get distance when you can, you will be more happy
@@basteagui bro as i live in India, it's a common thing for us to live with our parents. I can't even move out bro. Pls help me. I don't wanna live
All of these are recognizable for me even now as an adult the abuse still exists and it's terrible and drawing.
Have you thought of moving out?Or is it impossible because of an economic situation?
@@crystalinetv8079 yes it is impossible
@@ORDIBEHESHTI I'm really sorry about this!I live in the exact situation you try to take in and live!I am a (young) adult now as you and i can literally sympathise your feelings and what you're going through because of all of this!One day,we'll be able to leave those monsters and start a new life!We just have to take the right opportunities!💖💖💖
@@crystalinetv8079
Agree . I appreciate your sympathy. And I'm really sorry too for your situation and I hope both of us will live the life we deserve one day . Yes ,paying attention to the right opportunities is sth of great importance meanwhile we are developing our knowledge and information to recognize our problem and grow from within to heal from the abuse effects on ourselves and find the right ways to stand against our abusers and their behaviour because leaving them and going our way is not always possible .
Good luck 💖💖
you got this!
My parents are semi toxic, and they’ve only gotten worse the older I get, but it takes me harder than they mean because my past is awful
I get this. When I complained to dad, he replied "tough shit", what a jackass! I have no contact with him, because of his abuse to/of me. He thinks it is a joke, he is sadistic, too! And a bully!
words can’t explain how much I thank you rn, now I know both of my parents are toxic/ abusive :) thank you
It's shitty knowing my toxic dad is actually the reason I know how to take care of myself...
My father was particularly bizarre. Sometimes he'd decide that the window in my bedroom needed to be opened or closed. He'd barge into my room, open or close the window, make a comment about how I must be mentally disabled because "A normal person would have the window open/closed" then he'd leave, leaving the door open.
He'd also semi-regularly put ingredients back in the fridge while I was cooking or making a sandwich. Just silently walk in, put everything away, then walk out, refusing to acknowledge that I was even in the room.
Bizarre!!
that’s so weird
He was the mentally ill one. Pure projection
Same. Sometimes he even walks in on Weekend mornings when I'm still asleep and opens the damn window. How the heck could he think it's a good Idea? I'm in my comfy bed only in pajamas and later he is confused why would l couch or sneeze during breakfast, oh c'mon... (the kitchen issue too) I'm 19 btw.
My dad would do bizarre things like that too, like if I went out to a movie with friends I would come back home and find things in my room missing like knickknacks that you would put on a dresser for decoration. And then I would find it thrown away in a hefty bag in the garbage. And when I asked him if he threw it away he would look me right in the eyes and lie to me and say no when he was the only one that physically could have done that.
You experienced Gas Lighting...
Be kind to yourself. 🌹🌻
3:21 so this is why I always feel anxious and depressed…
My parents often say “You’re so lucky.” and “You have it way better than I did, so you shouldn’t feel miserable.” to me, and it just gets on my nerves. They’re blatantly dismissing my emotions and calling them invalid, guilt tripping me by telling me how they’re lives were back then. They always dismiss my feelings and I don’t know what to do. They probably aren’t trying to be toxic, but they’re short minded if they think constantly punishing me and running me down emotionally will make me happier, even with how lucky I am. It’s to the point where I’m scared to even talk to them…
My mom definitely has rough parts that caused a lot of trauma for me, but at the same time she is nice and loving to people so even if she switches her mood very quickly it’s still really confusing. I don’t know if she’s good or bad
same, she does like half of these thinks, sometimes a little more, but other times she is sweet and caring
i can definitely relate to this..
Parents are confusing
Same, i do think she's kind and intelligent
But i feel like sometimes she doesn't care about my feelings
This right here 💯
My mom got angry at me when she knew I didn't woke up early to finish my homeworks.
She threw a slipper at me and it hit my arm. It turned red. But I didn't mind it. I cried. I was stress. Everything in my life seems like they were forcing me to do something I don't like at the very first place.
I felt tired. I cried and cried until I drifted off to sleep. Other than that, my mom apologised at me but I still can't forget that. I love her but I just don't get it why she's that angry at me. Maybe because of work too?
I may not know but it has truly affected me both physically and mentally.
Woah that's a little too extreme . For not doing hw slipper?! Just a reminder would have done . That's not the right way
My dad would also spank me with a belt until I bleed, because I woke up late. That also affect me mentally. I think its because whenever our parents hurts our feeling, it really affects the child
Woah she apologized? Mine dont even do that, I have to apologize for things that they do 😞
@@amithhegde7753 just when I thought it couldn't get any worse ... Damn I really feel bad for u
@@amithhegde7753 Hey, man. I feel bad for you, and honestly I hope I can do anything to prevent anything happening bad to anyone : but I can't. I'm just one, stranger from the Internet, roaming around CZcams replying to people.
Hope things between you and your mom are all good now.
Honestly, this might have saved my sanity. Thank you so much for making this.
You made me cry, your such a supportive person ❤❤️
The psychotherapist helped me to realise that the problems were not only in me, but also at home. I thank her, and it took me a long time to realise that myself. I was looking on Facebook for a room, an apartment to rent, I wanted to live a normal life where there was no more pain, and there was a lot of pain at home, because of my toxic mother. A girl wrote to me, she was also looking for a flat to rent. We corresponded for a few days. A few days later we met, we looked at the flat. We took it right away. When I told my mother I was moving out, she told me to disappear until the police were called. Ok. I never had a mother, it was just a stranger. Well, that and a splinter in my ass. I packed my things, but I had nowhere to sleep - so I slept on the floor - in a shed. It was a cold night, but it's a good thing I didn't get sick. At 5am I got up and went to work for extra work. At 12 o'clock I finished work. I ate and went to sign the lease, together with Amber. Everything went smoothly. The landlady said that I could move in today too. I went back home. I wanted to say goodbye to my brother and mother. I said goodbye to my brother, but it was impossible to communicate with my mother, damn her. I went to my neighbour, asked him to help me take my things away. While I was waiting, the neighbours fed me, thank you, because I really wanted to eat. They drove me to my flat, helped me to put my things away, thank you again.I should be grateful to Amber for showing up in my life at the right moment. I used a translator. I apologise for my grammatical errors
Holy shit wtf im not gonna read all of this lmao
Happy for you ❤️
You did the right thing I am so happy you found a roomate the neighboor sound like an angel.
I hope it ends up ok for you!❤️
Stay strong cause you are on the way to a good life!
As a child, once I dropped a cup and my mother was like punched me immediately...she gets really angry when me and my sister don't sleep, she would turn up the lights of our room as punishment.
She didn't do these for our good. She did these for control.
I'm so sorry. That's child abuse.
you will recover from this
Nr. 4 hit so hard! I explain my boundaries on a weekly basis and still they dismiss them at every opportunity they get. And when I get upset and for example change my passcode to my phone cause they were making pictures of my chats with my friends. It’s my fault and I need to change it back, or there is a huge fight.
I can never talk back and everything they want will be done. This goes mostly for my mom, my dad has finally gotten some sense of my boundaries and is now not barging in my room or snooping through my phone anymore, but its so exhausting
You definitely have teached a lot of people. Thanks for the help:)
I'm glad I'm a person who tries to comfort my friends. That way, if they have such a family, I can help!
great
Are u meeting your own needs 2?...do
@@deborahedelman2659 Yes I am! I find it as one of my greatest qualities to care for others and care for myself at the same time. Hope you're caring for yourself as well. :)
Good ima put it this was sometimes a “therapist” needs a therapist ❤️
The real MVP, right here. 👍
Number 1 - They Project Their Negativity Onto you - 0:27
Number 2 - They Show Little To No Empathy - 0:58
Number 3 - They are Overly Critical - 1:42
Number 4 - Despite Knowing Your Boundaries They Ignore Them - 2:31
Number 5 - They Insult You To Hurt You - 3:21
Number 6 - You Are The Reason For Anything Negative - 3:55
Number 7 - They Are All Take And No Give - 4:40
This is my first time doing this! To anyone who have any of these signs please hear me out, your always beautiful and don’t let anyone bring you down.
So what are MY parents then?
Projecting their POSITIVITY onto me? Showing EVEN MORE EMPATHY THAN THE NUMBER OF QUARKS IN LITERALLY THE ENTIRE F**KING UNIVERSE? NOT critical AT ALL? Respecting my boundaries EVEN MORE THAN EVER BEFORE? COMPLIMENTING me to HEAL me? Me being the reason for everything POSITIVE? ALL GIVE AND NO TAKE!?!?!?!
.........
Now what are you going to say to the people who don't show ANY of the signs, huh? That they're UGLY and they SHOULD let people, even EVERYONE, bring them down? Huh?
Well I don't care, BECAUSE YOU LOVE ME JUST LIKE MY PARENTS DO!!! >:)
ty!
@@Psych2go If you DARE say "how dare you" to me, YOU'RE PATHETIC. >:(
@@azureblade5610Don't insult her
It's hard when you know this is happening to you, but there really isn't anything you can do until you move out. It's taken me up until just about last year to finally figure it out. It's hard, and it takes a lot to heal. Especially when you know you'll probably never have a chance to rebuild that relationship that every human desires. But, you've got this. ❤
At 3:32 I hid my head in my arms as I was constantly harassed at school in this kind of way for exposing some things I should have keep hidden. Almost every 7th and 8th grader looked down opon my the only people I could rely on where my friends staff and my parents, no one else.
The only reason that I don't have kids, is that my parents f*** up my childhood.
But I learn a lot from how I was neglected and treated. I'll never do the same mistakes my parents did, if I ever have kids.
As long as you learned there is a bit of a bright spot...and there nothing wrong with not having kids!!
This has been quite helpful with me as I'm still comming to terms with my mother's abuse. I'm only sixteen and thought all parents acted so horribly.
The fact that all of them matched and I never knew. I cry in my room every night .I cannot make my mother understand. I try my best In everthing.
I never knew this was toxic. I thought it was normal. I thought everyone had parents like this. My mom always screamed at me, compared me to others, told me everything was my fault, said that I ruined her life for being born.
Well guess what mom? You got what you wanted. I’m fucking depressed with no friends and I’m being sent to therapy because of my trauma and sh. Thanks a lot mom.
No.7 rings true to me. I was never able to vocalise why interactions were so exhausting. This captures it so well.
me its all
you got this!
Just discovered they're gaslighting me and manipulating me, and using many other manipulative tactics. Somehow my problems are "no real trouble", it's always me making a show to them. It's exhausting
I was shaking in tears as i watched this and just realized how this has just turned into something normal for me like feeling unworthy or im always the problem or how i just normalized my mom insulting me for the littlest things... I dont think i can take this anymore :(
my parents are exactly like this, so this is a reminder for me that I was always being sensitive being hurt or being taken advantage of. For years my parents are this and I thought it was normal. I'm glad that I was able to discontinue my belief that I'm unworthy. now I know more that I'm a worthy human being.
Thank you for sharing this
@@Psych2goI keep seeing your videos in my feed. I finally decided to check them out. THEY'RE SO GOOD!!!
I don't cry in front of my parents because they always shut me down saying, "you can't just keep crying and sitting in your feelings because you can't do that in the real world".
That's a great mentality to grow up with
I can relate to that, my parents shout and swear when I cry so I try not to.
Flip ‘‘em the ㄹ*차 off
If you're a mostly developed older teen or a full on adult, seeking their approval or a changed relationship with them is a bit futile. It may be better for you to say flat out "I respect your position of authority and I have learned how you exercise your authority. I'll don't need to join the military though. No Sargeant could ever teach me more about respecting authority than you." No one will ever top your authority over me." You may also say" in every other case throughout all time and space, I will be honorably discharged after putting in my time. I may resign and find something nice. I may grow into someone who exercises their authority as well or better than you. That what you want from me right? To be as good as you?"
It makes me sad to know that some people have to go through this
One theme my mom called me a disaster to the family…I can’t get over it
the "dumps all of their emotional issues onto you" and "insults you to hurt you and pulling in others to join them" really got to me because wow that was my mom.
I’m watching a bunch of your videos on this subject and I never realized till the last year or two that my parents are pretty toxic and completely emotionally unavailable. This has caused me figure out that their parenting is exactly why I am the way I am. These videos have made me cry as I feel understood and that this is exactly what I’m feeling. Listening to the explanations make my stomach hurt for some reason, they’re so accurate.
thats how i feel. i hope things get better for you
They really just wont understand us…
Im honestly in a bit of a state of shock after realizing I've experienced all of these. I just thought that I was just a terrible waste of a person and it's kind of nice to hear the other side of it. The one that really stuck out to me was the "I could have been successful if it wasn't for you" one. I just thought this stuff was normal for parents to say and that I was being overly emotional.
I had childhood trauma, depression and anxiety. When I told my parents about it, they just laugh and say other people has experience worse than me even though they don't know what I've been through. 😞
Oh wow. My mother has 5 of 7 points of this.
I always wonder, why me and my siblings are hot headed and easily offended with other people. I'm 35 years old now and this 6 minutes video got the answer why..
Thank you for sharing..
My mother's love was conditional and she herself told me that am worthless and will never amount to anything. Glad I cut her off and moved out and never having to see her narcissistic face. I never chose to be born by her. The worse was when she found my pregnancy shameful and criticised me for it I had enough and was done. I blocked her and went no contact
So sorry...but it's for the best
Shame her for her pregnancy then.
She thinks you're such a problem, you came from somewhere, right?
That shoe fits any foot.
Really? I was only told that I was WORTHFUL, and that I would ALWAYS AMOUNT TO EVERYTHING. Coming from a mother who gave me UNconditional love! >:)
Thank you for sharing this
I got "If you didn't have bad luck, you'd have no luck at all" or "What are you bawling about!?", on top of physical abuse from both parents and older sister. I now have BPD with severe depression, no friends or significant other, and have problems with staying employed and being underemployed.
Hats off to my shitty parents.
I pray that you choose to seek the healing that you deserve and need IN JESUS' NAME. AMEN.
Every time i tell my mom the truth, she never admits it and doesnt even listen to me..
The 4th one abt ignoring boundaries hits close to me. I am sometimes in my room when my mom barges in without knocking on the door. When it happens, I hv to guess if it's good news, neutral or bad news with my mom's presence.
I used to barricade my door because my room never had a lock on it. Then one time my mother threatened to go all "Here's Johnny" on me and I would have to pay for the door.
I peeked out the door, and she did in fact have the axe.
@@bazzfromthebackground3696 Oh dear, I guess your fate was worse than mine
This depends on your age. If you are old enough to be on here perhaps it’s time you live on your own. If you are of high school age a simple , “ mom, would you please knock before coming in, it startles me when you don’t” goes a long way. Try it and see. 😊. I’m a grandma .
@@flowerpower3618 thx grandma
I never really thought that my dad was toxic, but my sister helped me to realize that he may not have physically beaten us, but he can't control his anger and he's short fused, so he usually yells at us over small things and sometimes apologizes. I've told him before that I've gotten more sensitive to loud noises, so I'll cover my ears to help suppress some noise. I remember one time recently, he was yelling at me or my sis for something, and I was covering my ears until he was done yelling ans he yelled, "Yeah, GO ON. COVER YOUR DAMN EARS LIKE YOU ALWAYS DO." And it hurt, cause I'm sensitive. I hate when he gets like this, but.. he's my only parent I've got left. Aside from letting the small stuff get to him, he's a good dad tho. At least he knocks before entering our rooms and cooks for us, not that we ask him to. Still, it's kind and he doesn't have to, and yet he does. Idk, is this a toxic mindset for me?
My parents often shove their feelings, stress, and negativity onto me. Of course I also have my own faults like not being able to have a consistent sleep schedule, which might contribute to that, but they constantly blame me for all of their stress, which isn’t exactly giving me much motivation to fix it..
My question is, how do you deal with toxic parents while still being around them? How do you cope and fix your own self without having to worry about them? People often say ‘get out of the situation’, but what if that isn’t possible at the moment..?
All I really want is to feel okay, but I’m just not sure how to.
And currently, it’s only getting worse…
I did not realize I had toxic parents. Thank you!
I went through emotional parentification from my father when I was little up until the age of 14. I actually just discovered the term last week. It’s bled into my relationships because I’m horrible at establishing boundaries and feeling like I should help and fix everyone. Heck when I was 12-14 I went through a period where I was suddenly put out of direct contact with my father (moved in with my mom after living with him for awhile) and i subsequently became very depressed and hated myself. I had a multitude of other issues piled on and on top of that I didn’t have anyone to parent emotionally anymore. I also had a new brother, so attention was taken away from me. I sought out relationships which ended up being toxic. It was a lot, and even on top of that my father would go further into a downward spiral and I felt helpless and worthless cause I couldn’t do anything to fix him.
Before I left the situation I was also bullied physically and verbally, and my fathers mom also treated me bad because I didn’t react right emotionally and didn’t process things, cause I’m autistic. I had a lot of people around me that didn’t seem to care about me, on top of my little brother taking attention away. I developed a resentment towards my bro in my teen years and I regret not working on it cause I wasn’t nice to him. We are fine now but still I regret it. It was a lot and the odds were stacked against me emotionally for awhile. But Im finally healing, at the age of 21.
To those who have been through similar experiences, you are not responsible for your parents emotions. You cannot and should not have to fix them. They should have been there for you. You deserve to have your emotional needs met.
Thanks psych2go, and im hoping you do a full video on parentification sometime if you haven’t yet
Edit: wanted to say my mom is the only one that’s always had my back. She’s not perfect by any means but she has acknowledged and even apologized for mistakes and bad decisions she’s made in the past while raising me. She’s the best mom ever and I have a very close knit relationship with her now.
Nice essay. I got teary eyed
i AM So Sorry for you
Idk if I should be complaining now
My husband's father does a lot of these things. He has been mentally abusing his sons and even his wife for decades, and getting my husband out of his domination was very difficult and very painful for both of us.
Now it is difficult seeing his brother still living with his parents and not mentally strong enough to get out of there, and not being able to do much to help him.
I can’t even count how many times I’ve had to comfort my parents for something that is their fault!
The last two ones have happened to me on several occasions and i have just learned to live with it
Thank u so much for making such effort for making these videos and educating us about mental health.. It means a lot to me as someone with a really abusive and immature father 🙂
I am sorry for u 😔
@ThatGirlJackie VLOGS!💚 why what does she do? I mean if u r fine sharing your problems..
In my case my dad sucks aswell i mean when you are a adult yet someone treats you like a kid telling you about things that you obviously know and tries to impose His ideas onto you without hearing you yeah my "dad"sucks
@@isidoro19david65 Well in your case its more of a misunderstanding.. im sure ur dad loves you.. he may have his own ways.. u see parents have a hard time in accepting their children as grownups.. Its okay you can move out when u r stable.. would say that parents arent always right but they always want good for us.. exceptions aside..
@@praptidas9717 bro a good dad doesn't try to Control your life or impose what he thinks is right on you,i mean i use my arguments to explain why i am doing x and instead of getting support or at least someone that accepts my decision i just hear someone yelling constantly not even willing to hear or accept your actions,One thing is being worried about your Son other thing is treating your Son like someone that doesn't knows that he is doing
This just made me realize how much I stopped caring about what my parents say or thing about me and how much less I interact with them since the past 2 years
I always thought that my mom was just showing me tough love, but after seeing this, I have found out that she's actually just toxic. Ty so much for this video!
It’s horrible to meet someone from the exterior (like a teacher) that gives you unconditional love because it hit you like a ton of bricks that your parents didn’t give you that. Everything was SO conditional and violent
„You know how much money I would save if I haven’t got you?” I heard that pretty often in my childhood, now I feel guilty or uncofortable when someone buys something for me or pays for me
(For context: I'm almost 16 and I have social anxiety)
My mom is very overprotective, I love her very much but she treats me like a 4-year-old who doesn't know how to do anything, to the point where she made me sleep in her bed for YEARS because my room is "dangerous", but she lets my dad and my brother sleep there because "if something happens they'll know what to do" (my brother now sleeps in my room and I sleep in his, but if it wasn't for him offering to sleep there I still would be sleeping in her bed).
I can't stay home alone for more than 10 minutes because "what if you faint?" (I fainted three times 2-3 years ago, once because of P.E. and twice because of the heat from the shower. I didn't just faint randomly, and it doesn't happen anymore because now I know my limits).
My brother told me that he's doing the best he can to get her off me, that my anxiety would probably be lower if she wasn't like this, and that he doesn't understand how I'm not as mad as he is about the situation. I told him that, yes, it's frustrating, but it could be worse, she could be abusive. He told me that she is being abusive, even if she has the best intentions. I was like "...nahh, she's not(?)", and he said that she isn't physically abusive but she still is abusive.
I've been watching all your videos about parents because it's been in my head ever since, and I don't know what to think anymore 🤠
Theres physical, emotional, verbal and sexual abuse. Your mom is emotionally abusing you. Be well and stay safe.
@@WelfareCenter she is? I don't want to bother you, but can you explain? I've always had this specific image of emotional abuse and she doesn't fit it at all, and I can't wrap my mind around it. Thanks, stay safe too
@@smol-makoto4236 your brother is helping you. This is good! You two stick together, help and support each other.
Your mother is very troubled. Listen to your brother, he knows.
Believe in yourself, you are a good person worthy of love and kindness.
I don't think that your mom is being emotionally abusive. It sounds like she suffers from anxiety.
@@blk1735 i don't think she is abusive either, but she doesn't have anxiety. she only acts this way towards me, even if she has 2 other children. I'm the youngest, alright, but I can't do anything my brothers do or did at my age :/
I am so glad I have loving parents. Thanks for the video.
Thank you for addressing toxicity in dysfunctional families.
You are so welcome
@@Psych2goThanks for the video
This whole video hits hard for me, but especially #6. My father has been like this since my earliest memories (earliest memory I can remember like that is when i was about 3 maybe 4), which is why I try not to associate with my family as much as possible. I lost contact with them for a few years and only just got back in contact because of the pandemic. This was a massive mistake on my part as somehow they seem to be worse than before, more self-centered and likely to blame external factors than to have a good hard look at themselves
2:10 Appeasement: 99.9% impossible
70%? YOU *FALIURE!*
80%? WTFWTFWTFWTF WHY DO YOU NEVER GET BETTER!
90%? When... will you... learn...
100%, but no chores. Useless!
Child: :( I am not worthy of living. :,(
I am SO glad I dont have parents like thisl. I send thoughts and prayers to the people who have to deal with stuff like this.
I don't know if someone will see this but , I have been living my life with toxic people around me
there always a gathering for family every year but I never enjoy it because I always been a quiet kid since I have social anxiety when talking to other people..
My dad this year family gathering mad at me for not going there. He yelled,smashed things, and saying alot of bad words about me and my other siblings. I cried because of the pressure I felt that day, I said I can't go because I'm sick but he wouldn't listen to me. I always been wanting to go out from my house and leave my town to place that no one knows me so that I can't take care myself and my cats. it's just that I haven't get the opportunity to do it. I also had been abused since I was a child and I already let it go but sometimes things around me makes me recall the past. I just hope there will be a day/year that I finally get out from this town.
I hope things around you can be better
Is it bad that this is the only place I feel safe about being open and being myself? This is the the only place where I feel safe expressing my emotions.
Yep.. wouldn’t expect these 7 signs go to both of my parents
The worse part is, people with these parents, think that is normal, even if isn’t
My parents may have tried to brake me, but I will never let myself become a product of their abuse.
I can take more hits than they think.
Thank you for sharing this
@@Psych2go
Thank you so much
My dad is toxic and used tobacco when he was 12 years old
I never realized the importance of boundaries… I was never given that growing up even now that I’m 18 I still have none to my parents
this video made me really sad. not for myself, but knowing that so many out there have to deal with this kind of toxicity : (
‼️ Could you please do a video on how chronic illness affects mental health?
I’m a teenager that was diagnosed with Crohn’s disease less than a year ago, and being in constant pain has caused me to feel isolated and invalid. I feel it could help a lot of people understand it’s more than a physical thing. Thank you! ❤️