Is and was (with intro) by Adelaide

I recall that moment, that flighty time,
My eyes sparkling with sunlight and running through the grass
The cool breeze that smelled like red lollipops and laughter
My socks still stained, green and damp as they echo in the drawer,
Of a time when they could listen close and hear the giggles and snorts,
The restless, unkept hair that stuck to chapstick
Lips that wouldn’t dare hide a smile.
12 was sunlight and flowery room sprays,
12 was wood chips stuck in the wool sweaters and clear mascara.
12 was side parts and Snapchat filters,
Silver jewelry and big toothy grins.
12 was feet slamming against sidewalk, running and laughing and running,
Winded as you may be.
12 was pool water in your nose and warm cheese fries,
Cool summer nights and frizzy hair.
12 was new friends, better than the others.
12 was breezy and Yellow and green.
12 was lemonade.
Opens to my room with sunlight pouring in my window and spraying room mist into the air. Camera moves towards window and sun rays blind camera, transition top Bailey park when Maeve fell off the spinner. Shows us laughing and cuts to me recording her with a side part, then cuts to the phone screen, Maeve with a puppy filter. Cuts to us walking and Maeve brushing herself off, me wearing a silver necklace and slowly grinning.
But as the world spun,
12 became 13, unlucky and uneven.
Suddenly collapsing.
Teeth became misshapen, hair grew longer.
Mascara was clumpy, no longer there silently.
As hair was severed, so were friendships.
The easy ascent of 12 became a free climb.
My chalk was slipping.
Stairs fell away and promises were broken.
Cruel loneliness never ended and my unlucky number was the source
New people, but not the ones I wanted.
13 was hot and sweaty,
Crimson cheeks from the heat and shame
13 was thorny and calloused
It was gel that flaked down like snow
It was the sweat from pajama pants and the pinch of earring backs.
It was rude interruptions and the cap of a shaken, carbonated drink
It was licking lipgloss lips and the heat of a straightener.
It was claw clips and bad friends
It was panic and sorrow.
13 was sunburn and an unripe pear
13 was prickly
It was frayed strings and a plain pop tart.
13 was sizzling tears and crimson red cries.
13 was red and orange.
13 was ugly
13 was rotten.
The third and final felt fake.
Why was it here if only later mattered?
One four was the number on the cake and the time the party started.
Four was the hours they spent on the phone, with someone else, at my party.
Four was the people i trusted and the days out of the week I spent at practice.
14 was oatmeal and music in class.
14 was uniforms under sweatpants and straight hair
14 was bracelet marks on skin and diluted water colors
14 was passing out after practice and vomiting on christmas.
14 was empty stomachs and hungry eyes
14 was big sweatshirts and lip oil
14 was hips and pimples
14 was pigtails and ribbons
14 was rugburn and sick brothers
14 was carrot cake and half of a silver trophy
14 was dried blood, scars and scabs
14 was bubbly and lukewarm (ew)
14 was hating yourself and picking at your nails.
14 was wishing and dreaming,
New people that you pretend are the old.
14 was aquaphor and awkward crafts
14 was realizing that you don’t know her anymore, just a memory
14 was too old for sidewalk chalk and knowing something
14 was 67 degrees
14 was sandy disappointment,
Rejected bus rides and open windows.
14 was lavender
Beautiful and boring
She was memorable, and that’s how she will stay.
She was childish and fun,
She was depressed and anorexic
She was shy and lonley
She was bubbly and enjoyable
She was 12 13 14 and will be forever
She was lemonade and A-Dog and Adelaide
She was me.