Reconnecting With My Mom | Get Close Ep 53
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- čas přidán 12. 09. 2024
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Bart, it's so nice to listen to your podcast and learn how other Asian Americans are navigating toxic relationships with their parents into adulthood. I've always had a rough relationship with my Asian parents and listening to you, Joe, David, and Bobby talk about their own traumatic relationships made me realize that I'm not alone. So thankful for your vulnerability and honesty in this series. It's so healing and I learn a lot from how you handle these rough situations. You always inspire me to reach my own financial goals so I can be there for my family one day. Been watching JK for 10 years now. You and Geo are doing a phenomenal job. Much love from NYC.
As I finish an in-depth class on Asian-American studies we learned about the first wave of asian immigrants who have it the hardest and they come to America without tools to succeed in America yet do so against all odds. As the model minority, they are inherently focused on manufacturing the perfect child. Depending on the situation, most immigrants have lived through some type of generational trauma, intense generational trauma and mental health is NOT spoken about in the asian community. I'm suspecting your mom and your dad held some type of trauma with them throughout their lives as a result of their upbringing or marriage that they may not have revealed to you. I found out after 20+ years my parents had suffered the loss of 2 ADULT siblings in their young adult years amongst MANY traumatic life events. They've never mentioned it to me or my siblings and will continue to keep quiet on the subject as they wanted to give us a fresh start without the baggage of the past but they don't understand that their trauma is silently passed on through their actions. They are also in denial they are traumatized. A "I'm fine" mentality. As a result, I see their trauma in retrospect as the result of triggering words or actions that would make them seem crazy. When I was younger, I didn't understand why certain things triggered them the way they did. As I got older, I slowly started to realize, they shoulder wayyy more than the eye can see.
Do you recommend any books on this? would like to know more. I'm korean and suffered many things "asian." Would be nice to get some insight on all this.
This is really refreshing. As a child of immigrants, I’m all for validating my own experience and healing from my trauma, but despite my own pain, I know that immigrant parents aren’t just flat out selfish, evil and abusive. That’s an oversimplification that I see a lot, and it’s really just a biased view. It’s nice to see a balanced perspective on the whole immigrant parent-child dynamic. No need to invalidate either side - just about coming to an actual understanding to facilitate healing instead of just pointing fingers and vilifying.
I completely agree.
This is so deep. Appreciate the openness, this podcast is deserving of a bigger audience.
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I totally understand what Bart saying about not feeling the unconditional love. I've never felt that with my Vietnamese parent/grandparents aswell.
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Is it possible for you to go into more details? Your comment sorta made me felt some kind of way and I wanted to compare it to see if it’s similar…. If it hurts you thinking back, then don’t worry about it. I hope in the future you’ll find someone or animals/pets and make you feel the unconditional love that everyone deserves.
We need more men like Bart! 😂 He can be serious, funny, protector, daddy and still have a sarcastic attitude! 😆
Bitch angel😂🤭😝
He’s one of a kind!
This is a really relatable episode. I have felt so alone my whole life especially when it comes to the way I was raised/grew up in an Asian household. So thank you Bart for opening up about this and being vulnerable.
Wow this specific ep was so deep. I feel so much sadness for Bart. You know when you joke through your pain and the longer you do it, it's like a coping and numbing process. Bart is always so cheery and funny but I know he has a lot of deep sadness in his life. He talks about all these things like it's not important because it's in the past, but you can see it in his eyes that the stories are actually real and it's so sad. I hope your whole family in 2023 has many more blessings and much more happiness and health.
You are a good man, Bart Kwan. And Geo is an awesome woman. Together you have a wonderful family. May you all have many blessing and a better new year to come.
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Another great one. I’m Filipino and dating a Chinese man. I definitely relate to Geo more with how my parents raised me, but hearing Bart explain how his mom was with him helps me understand my bf and his relationship with his mom more. Love episodes like this hearing how different they grew up
My childhood was exactly like Bart's. Bart is not joking around. I knew exactly what it felt like when Bart talked about how his mom didn't let him play with the toy's he got from his friends, instead she stored them in the regifting closet for other kids. Also his mom's control, 'buddhist' routines, etc., guilt tripping, that happened too.
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What I always take from these pods the most is after all Barts been through he strives and succeeds at being an amazing family man. Love this channel and fam so much 🫶🏼
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This was so touching and I’m so happy that Bart is getting to get to know his mom in a different light and they are building a new side of their relationship. Wish you guys nothing but blessings. ❤
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Wow,this is amazing podcast. Bart had very interesting life as a kid. I would like to know how his mother was as a kid and how she see her childhood. 😕
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man I feel bart on another level
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"human trafficking, I'm down"
Im laughing so hard 😂
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I know this is random, but Bart, theres this dude on Netflix's Single's Inferno S2 looks SO much like you (his name is: Yoong-jae) ! No wonder you get mistaken looking Korean often 😅
Any who, thank you guys for always being up front and sharing all the difficult times in life we come across. Glad to know we are not the only ones feeling a certain way about our parent relationships with us. ♥
The funny people always have one of the saddest history. I hope you break the cycle brother. If you don’t want your mom to move in you don’t need to have her there. Boundaries boundaries boundaries.
Omg !! Ive been absent on this channel forever it feels I love y’all and the vibes it’s always great to come back :) 🤓💙💙
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Damn. Maybe the reason Bart “acted up” in school is because school was his safe space. He could do shit at school that he couldn’t do at home.
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Being a Brit born Chinese my brother and I are so lucky that my parents weened out their strictness as we grew older. They didn't know how to parent and it was new to them. My poor brother got it bad though as he is the first child. But Barts Mum being so strict about every move he makes is OCD. Overboard.
this is a lil weird but i cried when i first saw pictures of taika geo and bart's mum going on walks after bart's dad passing. like bawling cry. Maybe because bart is such a special person and that takes 2 special people to create bart. Bart's parents are like my grandparents.
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Geo you always look great but I especially like this look. Very pretty. Thank you both for sharing w us! Merry Christmas!
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I respect Bart a lot more after this episode…good shit Bart for keeping it together 🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻
watching bart for a long time and never realized his parents are like this. now I see why he's goofy.
I feel that on the photo thing. Do you throw it away or keep it smh haha 😆 beautiful podcast as usual ❤
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thx for the tipps bart. if i have a kid a will raise exactly like u mom. so i will never be lonely and have someone hear my commands. nice
Great topic. Are you able to adjust the volume to be consistent? It's gets low and really high at times to the point where I have to take off my aftershokz to save my ears ❤
I'm Christian but I respect the practices of your mother so hard!! She is fulfilling her spirtitual duty despite being the only one doing it. I tell you mothers and their spirutalty should be taken serious!! They are protecting us🙏
she's crazy, and you are too
😂😂😂😂
My grandmother abused my mother when she was growing up. She never hit my uncle,but she always did stuff to my mom in the name of protection. Asian moms are not to be trifled with.
When he said that he felt more confortable In strongers house instead of his, I felt and still feel that
Hope I get to make my own home with a loved one and healthy relationship
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Geo is literally an angel
9:38 i love it when she says that
lucky Bart
Bart💫 your a good being💕
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Great pox and insight. The Pearl of dragon is hilarious
Love get close podcast❤
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I know it must have sucked to live with so much restriction! But, it sounds like she was trying to raise a king!
I was shocked by the pearl in the dragons mouth! I just googled it and it's an actual thing... In Chinese it's 龍口含珠鳳點頭, the full sentence is Pearl in the dragons mouth, phoenix bows it's head. The hand holding the chopsticks represents the peonix head and chopsticks are its beak.
I think this resonates so much with many Asian children raised in the United States. We don’t always have the words or platform to articulate what we have experienced the way Bart has done.
In the POV of Bart’s mom she used very strict rigid tactics to instill filial piety in him. To her living in a proper manner will ensure her son the perfect life without hardship. Perhaps a bit of projecting since she seems to have endured a lot. Sadly she may never understand the extent of the trauma she has caused her son since Bart has worked so hard for the life he has now and has become successful.
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Love the podcast
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Yes my Asian dad does that every morning too
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Me neither bro, i felt every piece of that
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Bart you are so funny!
Bart looks pissed af this entire episode
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I agree but everyone grieves differently.
now i know why bart is so regimented lol his mom scarred him (or shaped him depending on how you look at it)
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You look beautiful Geo!!!
This podcast definitely hit home. I totally agree with all this unconditional love. I think it runs in Asian culture and it’s sad.
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Also grew up with a controlling Mom and so much anger and anxiety built up.
Geo looking beautiful ❤️
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Geo is the best
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Dayuum Geo aging like a momma 🙈
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First babyyy!!!
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Not the point, but lets take a moment to appreciate Geo's beauty.
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Lol I’ve never heard of sleeping like Siddhartha. I had to Google it
Noti squad
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Now I feel bad barts dad had to go live with his mom . Damn
That was the dad's choice.
Give her the house that was meant for your dad. In vegas close but separate
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Is that an Asian/Chinese thing? My mother also ripped up and cut out photos of my Father in all the family albums haha
haha! I only have like 3 baby pictures because my dad burned all family photos after my mom filed for divorced lol.
the mere cutting out of the father in pictures, i highly doubt is just an asian or chinese thing
Damnnnn that comment is crazyyyyyy
00:10 The exact excuse I use with bae
It's great that you have a platform to tell your story and some Asians could relate, and i feel bad that you went through all of those strict rules, but please do not generalize "Asian parents." There are so many ethnicities within the Asian community, so you should make it clear and say something along the line "in my family, in a Chinese household, or in some Asian culture/families" instead of grouping all Asian parents. Let's not make other race think all Asian parents are like yours. I'm Asian and born in America, but I didn't grow up in a toxic household like yours and neither did a lot of Asian people that I grew up with in Fresno. My parents were not strict on set rules and loved us unconditionally. They were the first generation that immigrated to the US, and like all other first Asian generations, my parents have gone thru a lot of shit. I know that they have trauma even though they have never said it but their generation is not familiar with such thing. They consider it a bad time in their life and don't associate it with trauma. Regardless, my parents did not put it on their kids. The only thing that they have ever drilled in my and my siblings' heads were to work hard, so we don't financially struggle like they did. There was no controlling on how to achieve that, but they just put their trust in us. I'm proud to say that we didn't disappoint them. Every Asian culture is different and everyone Asian's upbringing is different, but one thing I know for a fact in the Asian community is that our parents love hard and deep. They have an undying love and support and will always have their kids' back 100%, no matter what happens. They will always protect their loved ones. At the end of the day, I will choose their love regardless of how they display it over negligence when hardships arise like some other race.
geo looks like a beautiful substitute teacher...
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Whoever made that comment about his Mom in the beginning is so messed up, but Grandma Kwan can definitely live in Vegas. She can communicate in English
Get mum too move into dad's brand new home that is already paid for.Mum doesn't have too pay for anything
omg fu bart. ha ha ha wher eis my place. in the backyard where the dog lives. ha ha ha ha ha
I know asian females like this, or at least seem them growing up. I thank my lucky stars my mother wasn't like this. This growing up in a Korean family. On another note growing up without a present but non-emotionally present father was extremely difficult.
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yall should take a trip to Asia for like 3-6 months.
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Geo is too hot, period.
😍
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fellow asian no legay nonense, still pooor regular people lol
Bart has Red Undy Night Every Day. Rawrrrr
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People need more partners like Geo, truly :) To give their partner and their family members that level of comfort and love, is just incredible. Bart found such a gem🥲
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