How to Stop Others from Hurting You with Byron Katie
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- čas přidán 23. 03. 2022
- Watch Byron Katie’s full course The Work at onecommune.com/thework.
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The way you recall a memory and the way it actually happened might be completely different. The question is, do you know which version feeds you? We can become so wrapped up in our recollections, we convince ourselves of these untruths. Is that person a monster? Were they wishing you harm? Or were they dealing with a difficult situation in the best way they knew how?
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This lady knows what she’s talking about. My therapists that I’ve had (including my current one) also told me my suffering comes from my thoughts. I have been doing THE WORK for three days about me not being enough, me not deserving contentment etc I feel alot better already. My therapist said keep doing it and it will become more normal to think I’m enough etc. Thank you Byron Katie!
To get to a healing stage where you think that your suffering is due to your own perception/beliefs, you need more work than one CZcams RECORDED session for millions to watch! One "authority" person telling you is not your mother´s fault is basically dismissing her suffering. To change the belief that is not her mother´s fault requires way deeper work, compassion and VALIDATION!! Validation of what she is feeling is real and it is happenig in her mind and body. Once you know that your emotions are ok and normal to feel then you can start to heal and take responsibility of your own perceptions.
Thank you thank you thank you!!!!! This is so irresponsible, Katie has zero training and watching this without wincing is impossible!
Jesus used to say a lot "those have ears to hear will hear." It's interesting how many people in the comments didn't receive the profound awakening presented here. It was never her "mother," it was the ego hypnotizing her mother and her mother was in tremendous pain. Byron was teaching this woman that she not only wasn't vulnerable, but is able to Love no matter what. This is the freedom, this is the liberation. We can set "boundaries" and fence ourselves off, or get the lesson. This dynamic will continue to show up on different faces until it is met with compassion/Love.
I love that you quote Jesus. I see parallells between lots of his sayings and The Work.
I'm so glad I discovered this woman's work. Seriously life changing.
Have been there, now I want to love and protect myself. I can’t fix another person ever, not possible. 👍❤️👏
This client is very Insightful. I was "with " her" every step", of the inquiry. I could not turn it around as kindly as she did.
That woman who did the work has something special about her. I found this video very helpful for dealing with aggressive and negative people.
Thank you for sharing this and being willing to be vulnerable enough to share it
Bryon Katie is good, but remember it’s only one side. Some of it is in your head sure, but sometimes you just got to remove yourself from toxic environments. Be balanced
Cheap Guru. Saw a white light😵 People will believe anything.
I don’t understand why it’s turned around to the child when the mother is the offender?
Ultimately, it's our thoughts that cause the suffering. If we put our happiness or our feelings of well being onto the "offender", we give them the control over our happiness. We cannot change how other ppl behave, we can only change our relationship to it.... how WE feel about it. We own it... therefore we can change it.... and release it.
I really like Byron Katie's 4 questions. Like in this video it shows how that we have the power to change our perspectives. Thanks.
This is a wonderful teaching practise here
I am amazed by the amount of people who are clinging to the "victim" identity,who are enraged if you disagree with them on this matter.The are apalled by Katie's method because this take the victimhood away and they need to face their own responsability in the situation.
Her Mother is a constant trauma to her and she needs to listen to intuition that tells her she is in a vulnerable spot. She is strong and needs to set boundaries with her mother. Maybe her mother is not safe to have in the car.
you can't set boundaries with someone when that person is insane in the moment!
@@hollygee9650 I agree. Then it's time to protect yourself.
Boundaries become clear with the turnarounds from what she wants from her mom, and asks it of herself.
Boundaries aren't for others, they're for ourselves. We can't control others but we can control what we do and we get to decide who we allow ourselves to vibe with. How do they love and are you open to be loved that way? How do they treat themselves and others and are you open to receive that treatment too? When we stop putting ourselves in a position to be a victim vs be accountable for our own behavior/thinking when others don't behave the way you think they should. They'll behave and be who they are regardless of the control we think we can have over them by shaming them or giving "better" directions. BK will say, "If my advice is so great, I should keep it." Is this an opportunity to critique their behavior or an opportunity to challenge my thoughts and beliefs I'm projecting onto the person I think should move outta my way?
Harriet Gallant you've missed it.
Katie you are so eye-opening, thank you!
Why would anyone think it was their fault🙉
Excellent work!!! For all of us!!!! Absolutely congratulations 🎉 💖
Such powerful insightful work. Thank you for sharing this.
This was extremely helpful. My loved one has suffered psychosis and paranoia. This was so hopeful. I love her so much and it's relieving to have a way to process. Thank you for being so vulnerable.
I was talking to myself while I was cooking and I said outloud "my mum scares me"...then this appears as suggested videos lol. Thanks fir listening Google.
More like Google scares me.
That's called synchronicity. In the Bible it's ask, seek, knock. Google did bring it to you, but your mind state brought it to yourself
Feels like gaslighting a victim/survivor of emotional and perhaps physical abuse perpetuated by a mother. Lengthy trauma informed psychotherapy is the best approach for healing such wounds and getting in touch with oneself and ones pain
What do you mean
Can't you see the healing in this video?
I agree - every session with Byron is like this. She's not a teacher so why is she doing this. I find it imperative she stop and leave it to real teachers and healing professionals. It must evolve beyond this charade.
@@dalladi she's worked with actual therapist so you're spewing nonsense
Her teaching is consistent.
It can be perceived as gaslighting if someone is looking from a right/wrong paradigm.
What people realize when they are talking to Katie is what they need to stop suffering. It does not deny that what happened and the pain of the event/s actually happened. It helps people to look at the thoughts that they continue to believe that are not happening now so they do not prolong their own suffering in their mind.
So much violence is caused by people believing thoughts that are stressful but since they don't question their thoughts they don't realize that there are very many less stressful thoughts that are just as true.
She is having people accept what is true. So many people are angry at others because the others are incapable (or don't choose to ) of giving them what they think they need but instead of sanely realizing that you can't get blood from a stone and finding how to give yourself what you need people rage because the world and people do/es not fit their wanted fantasy.
This questioning restores sane thinking.
You might see that some people may need deeper work but this is not gaslighting and it's valuable for what it is.
If you watch a whole bunch of the BK questioning videos you will see how freeing it is for people to let go of their suffering thoughts and see clearly life, people and their own thoughts for what they actually are.
I love Byron. Thanks
I adore BK. She helps to free people from their trauma. Harriet Tubman reborn! Thank you for sharing this.
Now I have to look up Harriet Tubman 💙
Oh she sounds like a wonderful amazing person ( I am not American so didn’t know of her..I guess she must be iconic in USA )
Thank you 😊
OK. Got it. Testing mothers push us towards self mastery.❤
I just don't get this. The cause of our pain is not my mother. Her mother raged, made her feel terribly unsafe, hurt her physically. And The cause is not my mother? She's going to turn toward and try to help her? How about she gets her mother out of the car and moves on with her life.
I'm struggling with this method too because my mother rages and scares not only me but others! I have had to go no contact to begin to heal!
I definitely think toxic people should be physically removed from our space and be told that their behavior is unacceptable.
I agree
It's idealism... delusion that people can just change to suit us, our preferences based upon our desires. it is a shock for those who live in the mind.
@Susan Penn
Let’s go down your path. So, her mother hit her and she got her out of the car. The hit is in the past, the mother is not in the car anymore, she’s trying to move on, but in her mind she keeps re-living and imagining the situation she got hit by her mom, accompanied by thoughts like: “She doesn’t love me”,”why doesn’t she protect me?”,”why is she not different”,”she must hate me” … and so on. Sounds like hell to always re-experiencing that moment being hit fallowed up by these mean thoughts. Now who’s re-living and torturing her? Her mother, who hit her once, or that lady, with what she’s thinking and believing?
See, that’s the reason why BK is always asking, without thinking and believing what you do, are you ok?
It seem’s to me, you are still trying to figure out who’s in the right and who did wrong. Maybe you feel like the need somebody needs to be blamed and punished for the wrong doing? Maybe you think that lady is being blamed for re-acting wrong to her mom? Could it be?
Either way, thing is, we aren’t like leafs in the wind. We re-act to what we are thinking and believing. And that can torture us a lot. Which is why when we do inquiry on our thinking and believing, our inner world changes, though the outside world doesn’t change at all.
Now she owns the situation. Now she owns herself. Now she no longer waits for her mother to love her. Now she loves her. So Now she Is. So Now that she Is, she can love her mother even if her mother is lost in a nightmare.
Thank you
what an amazing gift Byron Katie is to this world....we are awestruck with her brilliance...thank you...L Martin
When using past pictures, experiences to be afraid concerned for what is an escalating event - it's called wisdom, discernment, - not to be 'erased' and be told " you dummy you are afraid of what might happen next- it's not happening!". Thank God we can use past December experiences to make best decision in any given situation. To be in denial, forced de-association is not the way to heal??
Do you think this work encourages denial and de association?
Past images like these put you in a constant stress state and inspire negative coping mechanisms. Byron Katie gives this woman space from that state so she can understand her mother now according to reality now instead of needing the stress of her mother now and the past mother that only inspires stress and doesn't exist. That's called truth and freedom
Dr Gabor Maté - The Wisdom of Trauma ... Dr Maté is an expert on childhood trauma and the effects it has on everyone. He is a survivor of the holocaust and a great human being! ❤
Maybe but don’t follow him on the Ayhuasca route…..this is not a wise move.
There is an enemy and there is evil, and this is just what it looks like at work.
what arises in me
as I watch this video,
is just how much emotional pain, I'm in.
I'm dying inside.
I'm in hell.
suicidal hell.
despair rapes my soul.
I have nothing to live for.
I am raped by the past,
and I am terrified of the future.
I cannot bear this hell anymore.
Our thoughts/thinking are either our best friend worst enemy if their serving you change them. Most of them aren’t true👍you can do this. 👏
@@mariehaverty8209 she can do it IF she/he really wants to.
You are the author of your autobiography. You have total control of what story you choose to tell.
I hear you. I too am going through it. A living hell. How are you doing now? Well I hope!
How does this address what your nervous system does all by itself? I mean, a traumatized nervous system simply "reacts", sans "thoughts".
Hmmm…. I don’t get this one. In an abuse situation
Where can I find the conversation that was teased at the end?
I CONCURE 😢
When was this recorded?
Does anyone know the app she uses to see the conversation?
I'm still debating about the way the therapist approached this issue over the method itself. I couldn't finish it (that likely would mean I would want to walk away). Starting by asking "Is it true?" to someone who is absolutely terrified and trying to make sense of her past of evident abuse is not helpful. It's true in behavioral methods, that our thoughts influence our feelings and we can tell ourselves in the present moment that we are safe; but to say that someone (a caregiver) who has harmed us repeatedly without any form of agency growing up isn't a contribution to our issues is super invalidating. This method works outside of the context--the client likely feels fear towards people who remind her of her mom. I would have acknowledged the feelings and that she was harmed and explored how those emotions manifest in the present day and not immediately jump to how her thoughts are the problem and not it being her mom. Someone who's been emotionally/physically abused has dealt with enough invalidation of their own reality.
"She should know jow much you love her!".....hahahahahahaha
I like the work-but the notion in this case that the woman was not rightly terrified of the possibility of her mother hitting her while she was driving is a little nuts. It’s like saying that because the mother bear you just saw on your hike isn’t attacking you right now there’s no reason to be afraid or take protective action.
It's a rational fear but what's on the line in this situation is her own grace and realistic response to the situation now. A stress state inspired by the past images of her mother that isn't real and also now will undermine that. The turn around return her to space separate of both her mother and her past images bringing her stress so that she can respond with grace and meet her own needs. That is truth reality and freedom
It's all nuts. Good on you for seeing it. I wish people would stop believing these charlatans. Those unwell women take this crap and raise their kids with that, it's basically gaslighting and invalidation. Find yourselves a good therapist. Someone who actually has an education. Not a wanna be guru who saw white light and changed overnight. Come on people.
I believe stay away from toxic people - not defencemechanism Spiritual bypass. Some of this s good , but its a bit forced. Loved how Tony Robbins uses the work ...But happy accept some ugly part I want to defend myself and actually is as manipulative as my mum...
"I'm willing to experience her rage, hysteria, lies etc. And I look forward to it." Really?
She looks forward to it so she can use it to create space and make the graceful choice. People like her mother are a part of reality so she's getting skills to grow truth space and grace within her thanks to looking forward to and doing that.
@@cmath6454 You're actually replying to everyone that doesn't agree with this, why?
@@tanjapavlovic5624 because I have something to offer.
❤️
This is horrendous and abusive. To talk a woman that her dangerous mother is safe and that she is in fact the crazy one??! Seriously?? Poor woman
Gaslighting.
Amazing! But it will not work for 98% of the audience but you yourself know that! The fact is that Tolle's "Pain Body" turns out to have a physical body too, which works reflexively, automatically and constantly! You must discover it in yourself first.
How do you know that ? You have posted the exact same words on other videos, what is your intention?
@@theinngu5560 Yes, you’re right.
My comments have a special purpose. As you’ve noted that, I’ll give you some information, there are no coincidences in our world of illusions.
***
1. There are not two, but three: Consciousness, Subconsciousness and Unconsciousness.
2. The reflex, physically real, organ, holds our consciousness in the Unconscious state, the temporary shutdown of the sabotage of which made it possible to obtain irrefutable proof.
3. To prove the irrefutable significance of my esoteric version, I use one screenshot from the study of the interaction of my consciousness, "mind" and physical result, conducted while playing online roulette, and which is shown in the picture of my CZcams channel (czcams.com/channels/3vwpwQYHwLss2y99S4F3Rg.html).
This picture shows the moment when I placed 5 (!!!) winning bets at the same time: 1 - on black, 2 - on the bigger half of the numbers (19-36), 3 - on the third column (27-36), on the two columns (28-33) and immediately on two numbers 28-31.
The METHOD by which I can make such bets in a real online casino proves that our reality is an absurdity, or rather, a pure trick for our consciousness.
***
Good luck.
Yam, once the mind is healed the physical healing will come. Of course you have to find it yourself, no one can do it for you.
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I totally don't get people's liking of bk. It's just cognitive/behavioral regurgitated. Yes you can make yourself act another way, possibly, because someone tells you you can, but in my own experience and in working with others, that's a bandaid.
I feel this isn't intended to make ourselves act another way, though there are friendly suggestions put forward by BK for the next time we confront a belief.
BK is trying to lift the veil of belief that stands between the one we believe they are and the one they actually are.
Once this veil is lifted, there is more understanding of ourselves and the others.
BK brings a clarity and patience into the cognitive /behavioural that the jargon practically doesn't.
@@pooja7336 friendly suggestions that earn her a lot of money. If she helps you, that is great, and I really mean it. I am just speaking from my own perspective of finding her work not helpful, and in situations harmful.
@@BelleTolles You've just set up a situation though, where the only people who are truly intent on helping other people - are those who do it entirely for free. The only people who are capable of doing that day to day are those who've agreed to be penniless monks.
Why - in your opinion - can't people who earn money also be helpful?
This isn't in defense of BK. I wouldn't suggest people persist in abusive relationships, or in acidic relationships that they can't handle.
I'm just commenting for that trap I see people fall into regarding anything humanitarian/positive + money.
@@Nikki.Nasvytis I get what you mean, and don't feel that way at all. Working in mental health can be very demanding. I was responding more to the person's wording when she said she just offered some friendly suggestions, as if she was just a bud. I find her to be not so much about friendly suggestions as to be dogmatic
@@BelleTolles
Recently, I heard a podcast where in a girl was using the work on an abuse that happened during her early years.
Interestingly the more she sat on the moment, the more she remembered. She started the work blaming herself that she didn't stand for herself.
The more she became still, she discovered that she stood and spoke for herself and even her younger brother, boldly at the time of the abuse, despite being a little girl.
The way that something happened and the way we remember it can be strikingly different. That's the cause of suffering in most cases.
Clarity gives us a choice. If we find that we are actually in an abusive relationship, clarity gives us a choice to step out. Clarity gives us the strength to say no to trauma bonds.
The work is clarity. It helps us see things as they are and leaves us with the power to opt the most compassionate choice.
If you ask me, that's all that life demands from us, in exchange for peace, joy and love.
I didnt get this one. Her mother was abusive. Its a fact, not just a thought. I mean, when you are being beaten, its not just a thought its a fact. Its reality. She needs to set boundaries with her mother. Her mother causes her fear because its terrifying, not just a thought.
She’s referring to the specific memory. In the memory the mom is not hitting her, she is losing it in the backseat. The point is why mentally beat yourself before actually being beaten. Doesn’t mean she shouldn’t get the hell out of a relationship with someone who is abusive or that she should just be okay with what has happened. The point is she’s suffering before she is being hurt in the present because she is reliving hurt that happened previously. Even if you can remove that preemptive suffering, that’s still less suffering to bare.
She still needs to stay away from people who treat her that way, even if it’s her mom.
Vertaling Engels naar Nederlands alstublieft Olivia
I don't find that this is helpful. It's been easier for me to just forgive and let go but also simultaneously hold others accountable.
Terror is imagined. 💞
Dear Lord let's make a collection for this poor woman to go to proper therapist...ugh this is disturbing
Thank you...I was feeling the same. I'd be the hottest mess sitting there trying to be vulnerable and trying to say whatever... knowing the problem is so much bigger and more complex than what is being crammed down her throat as an instant therapy cure.
Unfortunately you have no understanding of this work.
@@binathere2574 Feel free to explain. I have never seen or heard of such 'methods'. I like to understand cause it seems absolutely and abusively wack to me as you can tell by my comments. And if the flight of reality slogan "nobody else can ever hurt me" is involved - I believe that is for robots and not people.
@@sarahmonday8060 Sarah, keep your beautiful critical thinking. It's gonna keep you safe in this world!
Get a new therapist… she’s horrible
Awesome!!! Yessss!!! She's NOT a therapist. Like myriads of charlatans and con-men/women she saw a white light then she changed over night! Poof! They are legions. From Bill W, founder of AA to Eckart Tolle. They make A LOT of money on vulnerable people who are looking for a fast solution.
5 minutes in... I'm thinking, why is she crying? Crocodile tears. The perception about "the memory" is one sided. What's her mother's side of the story? It is unfair to be vengeful against this allegedly violent mother or any one else who isn't present to share their side. This is a full grown woman who prefers to blame others for her lack of emotional maturity... security.
rubbish
Wait a minute... your baby sister is thirty, making you.... older.... At what point do you become an adult, taking on your own power? Why would you give your mother such power over you? This can't be real.
...and you have it all sorted do you ? you are your own "free person"...free from your childhood conditioning?Are you fully self aware and no longer running an unconscious programme or inner dialogue or system of beliefs based on yoiur childhood where you may have internalised false beliefs or ways of being in response to the dysfucntional environment you where surrounded by.?
This woman is becoming an adult and claiming her full power..if you think for any moment she is blaming or not taking responsibility for herself now and moving on than you are really wrong.
Most or many people spend their whole lives living out unconscious patterns of early conditioning...you may well be one of them ?
@@upendasana7857 You twisted everything I said. Of course; that's what someone like you does. You have NO integrity!
At her age... she should have pulled her big-girl pants up a long time ago. Stop acting like a victim and start acting like an adult!
Almost Everyone has had childhood issues, including me, but there comes a point in life where people take charge of their own lives. The sooner, the better!
Who the hell are you anyway to stick your big nose into this? No wonder people continue to act-out their inner-child. You're certainly no help to her! Or Anyone!
@ Stephen Smith, Many look like adults but act like children. You seem to be one of them. You are being critical and hardened by the cruelty you propagate. Repeating your mantra of I’m all grown up while pointing the finger. I can imagine you being like her mother yelling how someone else is the monster. I’m glad I’m not your daughter, or even someone you know. Be well Stephen. 🤷🏻♀️
Well, the whole video was about reclaiming her power. But without shaming her and telling her "you are an adult, grow up"! Byron Katie knows that no one has ever grown up by being told to do so. We grow up when we question our conditioning.
@@Puuws Your analogy is that of a two year old, talking to an adult. You're speaking from a childish notion and not from a position of knowledge. One must have an education in this field in order to come from a place of knowing. You don't even know that the nervous system has NOTHING to do with stored emotion, thought, or ANYTHING! You'd be best served by keeping your thoughtless opinions to yourself!