Table News: Lists, Lists, Lists!
Vložit
- čas přidán 17. 01. 2024
- Epstein, Katt Williams, airplane door plugs, Nick Saban, Bill Bellichick, Pete Carroll, aliens, and dictionaries!
---Patreon---
Do you want early access to my content and other benefits?
Sign up at / ben_brainard for as little as $3 a month!
---Next Shows---
2/21: Austin, TX - Cap City
2/23: San Antonio, TX - Carlos Alvarez Theatre
2/24: Dallas, TX - Texas Theatre
2/25: OKC - Bricktown
2/28: Tulsa, OK - Bricktown
3/14: San Diego, CA - Mic Drop
3/20: Tempe, AZ - Improv
3/23: Burbank, CA - Flappers
---Links---
Shows and Tickets: www.benbrainard.com/shows
Email List: www.benbrainard.com/sign-up
Booking: www.benbrainard.com/contact
Store: www.benbrainard.com/store
CZcams: / ben_brainard
Facebook: / comedianbenbrainard
Twitter: / ben_brainard
Instagram: / ben_brainard
TikTok: / ben_brainard
Discord: / discord - Komedie
Come see me live:
2/21: Austin, TX - Cap City
2/23: San Antonio, TX - Carlos Alvarez Theatre
2/24: Dallas, TX - Texas Theatre
2/25: OKC - Bricktown
2/28: Tulsa, OK - Bricktown
3/14: San Diego, CA - Mic Drop
3/20: Tempe, AZ - Improv
3/23: Burbank, CA - Flappers
Dang, skipping Houston 🥲
Will come see you when you're back in Bmore. Can't wait!!!
Censorship went too far when they removed. Our right to tell others that we didn't agree with their live choices not being mental illnesses. Live life, but don't push lies to mine
What about messi and Luis Suarez
If you ever head to the Midwest...?
If the Dictionary is banned in Florida for defining every official world, that says a lot about how censorship has gotten too far.
Probably a few words in there that liberals wouldn't appreciate either. Like the word for a female dog in heat or a female pig in heat.
Funnily enough
There's more outrage from them about politicians and political figures having their books banned.
Censorship... reminds me of the book we are reading in English class... I think its name was a year???... I think like 1984 or something like that???
/joke because I do know the book's title
I have a dictionary from the 1920s that has two and a half pages of variations of the n-word. They'd probably prefer that one.
From an outside perspective all censorship goes too far
To be fair, when I was fourteen I absolutely went looking for dirty words in the dictionary. On the other hand, when I was fourteen ANYTHING was titillating - even nothing.
I believe you purely based on your use of titillating lmaoo
"show a 15 year old a socket wrench, and their minds will turn to thoughts of lust"
In the 80s, I learned that sex wasn't just "sleeping together" thanks to the Encyclopedia Britannica after panicking when I fell asleep watching a movie with my dad and was scared I had just done something incestuous. Yep, I knew what incest was, but not procreation. That's what happens when your parents think the right time for "The Talk" is when you're 24. I'm not even joking, that's when my Conservative Christian mom finally set me down... after I already had a college degree, had been sexually active for 6 years, and was about to get married. She felt THAT was the time to tell me what sex actually involved. Thank goodness for the encyclopedia.
ah yes, religious people@@rhov-anion
In fairness, the first step to look up a sexual word is to KNOW it.
If you're able to find it in the dictionary it means you've already been exposed to the concept, but you're choosing to look up actual information instead of just making crude guesses.
(I'm aware this comment was not defending the ban, just pointing out the wholely terrible logic levels that had to go into this law in the first place.)
Alabama hasn't been this upset since they took the signs off the water fountains.
In the words of Ben from a previous video, "I'm going to need, I don't know, *any* amount of context for this."
@@fictionfan0Alabama was one of the states with segregation.
@@fictionfan0"Segregation now, Segregation Tomorrow, Segregation Forever!" - George Wallace, Innaguration speech at the beginning of his tenure as governor of Alabama, 1963.
@@ProfessionalNoob717 And now I regret asking.
When you make a joke about something from 50+ years ago it's probably best to have an audience who at least had parents who were alive when it was relevant;).
I like how California did not want to agree with Florida.
No, don't do that, don't make me agree with you 😂
California and Florida are both large, warm states with large gay and Hispanic populations, and a huge number of electoral votes that are easily won by Democrats and Republicans respectively- the queens on the chessboard if you will. (Though the effect that DeathSentence embarrassing himself and Trump’s waning enthusiasm factor suggested by the Haley zombie-votes will have on whether Florida remains a red state for long remains to be seen)
"Ok, I'll wait until evening" made me laugh harder than it probably should have.
I didn't understand it 😅
@williamethier6684 Mourning sounds like morning, he said "I'm still in mourning" but florida heard "I'm still in morning"
"I don't do islands" that's BOLD to say right after the anniversary of the US's illegal occupation of Hawai'i (very in character) (also on a bigger scale every land mass is an island so...)
I.e., the minor and outlying line
To be fair that one wasn't the Federal Government as much as American companies, all of the islands were.
Tbf Hawaii never returns his calls so...
@@lastresort1plays
Yes, and the political leaders were divided over what had happened, but eventually (like a year or so later) the imperialist came to power and annexed it, so it best it's still tacist approvial and at worst it's still naked imperialism by proxy, then by not proxy.
@@moleratical1232 It's important to remember this was a somewhat controversial topic at the time and violence that occurred wasn't directly caused by US government, doesn't excuse it's actions but we should blame corporations for their crimes and governments for theirs
With the phone thing, I find it interesting how everyone is like praising apple but nobody is asking about the case/screen protector
CA and FL are basically frenemies
Having lived in both: yes
Best Frienemies
Because California is bougie Florida.
Florida is California if you replace the mountains and earthquakes with Cajun country.
@@davidkelly4210 I thought cajun country was Louie's thing
BEN! Glad to see you do Table News again! Always such a treat.
“Hi, I’m Tim Cook”
I honest to God thought he was going to say “Tim Apple”
As someone from Washington, I can confirm we hate Michigan now (UW on top!)
OH: Now, you know how I feel.
Michigan has always been a huge Rival for Washington. The original purpose of the Rosebowl was to be the Pac10 Champ vs the Big 10 Champ, which is often Michigan.
@@leolionheart5dk574yes, yes they do understand how I feel
As someone from Ohio I agree with you, except that whole "UW on top" nonsense.
You thought a dog could take out a wolverine? Ha!
I see Michigan managed get his hands on the Black Cherry Vernors. Well done.
He's had it for a while but it still sparks joy everytime I see it.
I was at a mechanic’s near the North Carolina/South Carolina border getting my car fixed a few weeks ago and saw Vernors in the vending machine in their reception area. I legit had to do a double take and take a picture to show my boyfriend (he’s originally from Michigan) with the text, “Are we in Detroit or something?”
Finally! I'm glad 1 creator that makes skits about politics made a reference to Epstein's list
Josh Johnson got in some as well.
To be fair, though, wasn't the list just the Epstein's aircraft manifest? This was just who rode on the plane not who rode on the plane to the island. Epstein courted high rollers all over the world.
Would have been cool to put Spigen (the case manufacturer) in the skit but that news probably broke after filming lol
Ahhh, that makes so much more sense. I kept asking if it was sealed in an OtterBox or sumn bc ain't no way in hell an uncased iPhone survives that fall. It's a meme the screen cracks if you look at it too hard for a reason.
@@sujimtangerines yeah it was revealed a couple days ago who the case manufacturer was and which specific case it was
OtterBoxes could protect the concrete from Nokias@@sujimtangerines
Florida's comment about doing it in the evening was gold!
I have missed these so much.. and.. this one made me laugh so much! 😂
Didn’t realize how much I missed the Table
*Sits up straight.* That's 2 counties away from me! And it's just the Merriam-Webster dictionary. There's other dictionaries. This will create a competition amongst dictionary publishers. They must be getting bored. This law took effect July 1, last year. And they've got 1,600 books under review. Based upon Ronnie's poll numbers, he doesn't have a snowball's chance, and based upon his shenanigans as Gov of Florida, it'd be interesting to see who replaces him next election.
I still wonder want count as worthy to be banned if dictionnaries need to be reviewed. I do not think Merriam-Webster does a that bad job at writing dictionary. How hard it is to write one and what you do to get it banned?
@@CatherinePuce It's a culture-wars thing. M-W added a trans-friendly definition of 'female' (and, after some folks noted an imbalance, got around to doing the same for 'male'). This made the news in all the usual right-wing hot-spots, so of course someone demanded the book be pulled from school libraries.
@@CatherinePuce Show pictures?
My capstone project for my bachelor's degree was creating a database of all the book bans in Florida public schools for the 2022-2023 school year, searchable by school district, state, author, title, or subject/genre. There were I think 3500+ individual bans/challenges across 1500+ different books, and that was just one year.
As someone one county away, the suggestion to ban the dictionary is
to mock all the other books Ronnie has banned. That people are taking this as something serious is hilarious!
I laughed so hard when CA said dont make me agree with you
When the CEO of Apple showed up, I half expected Lando Kalriz to make a cameo and throw pens at him.
That'd be an awesome collab
@@deverashb.4875 It would. He's already had a few, such as Rebecca Rogers, so here's hoping.
Don't worry, the NEXT iPhone will have that altitude durability feature engineered out so that you can have even MORE reasons to have to buy a new one more than once a year!
Doesn't he have more important things to do? Like running Cloud City?
One word: Pensabama
Excuse you, it’s Florabama or L.A.(Lower Alabama).
@@lakeireland The whole panhandle west of PCB is. But he said Escambia specifically 😅
Perfect timing for Ohio to come in. Great job I'm in tears!
LOL! "No...don't do that...don't make me agree with you...!" Perfect *Chef's Kiss*
WASHINGTON SHOUTOUT!!!!!
Someone needs to get George Carlin back here to discuss the Dictionary issue here where I live in Florida! He'd have a bunch to say 😉
He'd have so much to say period...
I have been waiting to see your take on the mall aliens
Thank You for making the best of a horrible bunch of headlines.
Almost at a million subs! Keep the table news coming my man!
Omg these just make me giggle nonstop. Thanks for the excellent hodgepodge of lists!
Apple: THE POWER OF MONEY!
Me: JUST LET MY IPAD LAST 2 YEARS BEFORE I NEED A NEW ONE! AURRRRGH I HATE PLANNED OBSOLESCENCE!
I am absolutely in love with this series, I can’t wait to see more!
I thought the dictionary thing was a joke. Of freaking course it’s Escambia County. I’m so mad right now
Go Blue and Super Bowl LVIII here we come!!!
-Michigan
Go Blue!
Aaa!! So worth the wait! Instant classic.
Mi is 100% accurate in this. If you want material, just mention the last lions game broke the decibel record (sound was just under that of a jet) for Ford Field in their game against the LA Rams. Probably going to break it again this Sunday. GO LIONS!
Also, UoM is currently going through some turmoil right now with the quarterback announcing for the draft along with another solid player. We may also lose the head coach to the NFL (currently in negotiations).
Lions actually doing well? Or are the fans just excited?
@@llmkursk8254they won their first playoff game in 32 years
@@llmkursk8254 Oh its definitely different this year. Lions have been having their best season in decades. They are on their 2nd playoff game with a chance to make to the SB if they play their cards right.
The fun with the drama in last weeks game was the LA Rams had the previous QB (Matthew Stafford) who requested to leave the Lions after 12 seasons and was traded in 2021 for Jared Goff. Matt helped the Rams win the Superbowl in 2022 after the trade. Goff the previous LA Rams QB who had been let go due to a disappointing season has been doing fantastic since he joined the team. The entire franchise is revitalized and its being noticed by everybody. Even if they don't make it to the SB this season, I can definitely see it happening in a future season. THAT idea was a pipe dream just a few years ago.
@@ashleighlalonde6394 I don't blame Matthew, considering what I've heard about the Lions, but it's nice to hear that the Lions are *finally* doing well.
Here's hoping it doesn't end up like the Vikings and they stumble at the final hurdle.
I don’t even like football and I’m excited about it
Oh dear God! Florida just give up. Can you imagine telling your child to look up a word and then remembering the dictionary is banned? I lose hope for Florida every day.
Florida's got a good point about Epstein's Island, and that's scary
Thank you for coming back to this! 😂
Welcome back. Oh how I have missed these.
Pensacola native here...yes we are basically Lower Alabama.
1:19 Good rocking the Cascadia shirt
He's back! Awwwww yiiiiiissss, finally a new video. Thank you Ben!
I went to college in Escambia county, I’m not terribly surprised about the dictionary in that backwood.
Thanks!
I can list so many things wrong with all this!
Go on then.
Then tell us
We're waiting
:45 God-DAMN....Ben!
RUNNING SCREAMING & CRYING A NEW TABLE VIDEO!! (lol idk it’s a slow day today at the library 😂)
1:50 ermegerd! Where did you find cherry vernor's?! Asking for kentucky.
Great video.
I love these.
When the last time both Oregon and Washington made an appearance? So rare
Ben, you are a genius!
Meanwhile New York is buried under 6 feet of snow
I was not ready for 0:45
I'd be okay with Florida banning the dictionary so long as they couple it with the Bible.
Why am I California 😂😂😂😂
Seriously, I have been waiting for this since the last one. This is my favorite of your content ... Escape rooms is 2.
I've been waiting for the whole dictionary thing... With baited breath
Actually it's bated. You can look it up in the dictionary.
@@cherylbutler6635 thanks.
What'd you bait your breath with?
Oh, I've missed these, lol.
I love Florida, my state is insane
It’s sad that I have no trouble believing those idiots in Florida would try to ban the dictionary. I really hope the swamp takes that state.
Still so sad about Washington losing to Michigan 😔
That was good, that was real good. Haha
I'm disappointed he never brought up those two gentlemen in the senate chamber... or those other two gentlemen in the senate chamber
I’m early!!! This is gonna be great.
I adore the table, even when New York isn't there...
Yay! More Alabama!
I LOVE YOU!!
2:03 Oh dear
Can you do a segment about Oklahoma banning furries from participating in after school activities and clubs? And saying they'll call animal control on them? Thanks!
Good one, hardly any Texas.
Yay! Seahawks hat added!
Back at the table!!! When you gonna come back to sumit city?
As a die-hard Michigan and Lions fan, LETS FUCKING GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
Shortly after those alies showed up I left Florida for a week.
2:44 the 22 shouts in the background.
Is the high glitch sound effect for transitions here to stay? Because causing some pretty bad noise sensitivity for me.
(Sorry I don't know how to phrase that. I mean my noise sensitivy is making that sound cause problems for me. I'm not trying to pressure you. Just want to know if it's now the standard transition.)
You would *not* have survived the years between 1960 and 2000.
That's the pre-digital sound of a TV channel changing.
@@romulusnr probably not. Good thing I was born in 99
@@Nlinzertime traveler!
Hi everyone
Broadcast News has nothing on the Table! Pun intended 😂👍
Not going to touch on the tunnels in New York?
Sooo, am i the only one that gets caught up on recent events and news by watching shorts/these kinds of videos? 😂
Go Dawgs!
*dies* Okay, as someone originally from Escambia County, OMG, we called Pensacola *LA* for Lower Alabama (I am from a "suburb" of Pensacola, and those quotation marks are doing a LOT of lifting). That joke is a riot and a half because it's so true! (FYI - the next legit town over was Pace = Piece'o A$$ Comes Easy... so... stompin grounds. Everything's simpler in the south?) I haven't lived there for 20 years, but damn. Memories. Glad I got out of that black-hole of suck.
I mean, in Florida’s defense, the police are legally authorized to lie to the public
Not the first time this dumbass state banned dictionaries.
Happened in Sarasota County a year or two ago. All donated by the Rotary Club. The state had to make sure those were real dictionaries and not “woke” dictionaries 🤦♂️
woah its tim apple
What was the conversation you had with the brand that made the flamingo bucket hat you originally used for Florida? So that you could make it part of your The Table merch ?
i think michigan should sometimes drink faygo
Panhandle is just lower Georgia
Ben I don't know if you'll respond to this but in about a months time I will be moving from Colorado to Minnesota, as someone who's never been to any Midwest/great north states before , is there any advice you can give or recommend about Minnesota?
I am from IL. I think the biggest difference will be that Colorado has Mountains and Michigan is about as flat as u can get. Maybe temp. Not sure. But the Midwest is fun. Welcome....
How flat it is here means less cover from the wind in winter too.
My mom has lived in Colorado before and enjoyed it. She grew up here in Minnesota and I've spent most of my life here too. I wish the summers were better (stupid mosquitos and humidity), but the thunderstorms are pretty at least. Just make sure you know about tornado safety and create plans for what to do if you need to take shelter both at home and while out. Even straight line winds here can make it look like tornados touched down, so don't take it too lightly.
It's good that you're already used to the cold. And outdoor sports.
2:57 -- 🤣🤣🤣
Can you make full length videos where the states talk about news again?
what's with those harry potter glasses for tim cook?
I love this series - though that low definition intro is rough.
In Saban we trust
The channel How Ridiculous here on YT had a video where they were dropping an old school Nokia v. an iPhone out of a helicopter. The iPhone did surprisingly well (I mean, we all know the Nokia is indestructable, but)!
Thumbs up on this video for the last line in the skit.
i hate it cause i live in santa rosa which is right next to escambia
good morning! was that about sports?