How She Learned Radical Acceptance | MARSHA LINEHAN
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- čas přidán 13. 04. 2017
- Get the full, minimally edited interview (and see the film we made featuring Marsha Linehan, BORDERLINE) here: watch.borderlinethefilm.com/p...
Marsha Linehan describes her experience at the Buddhist monastery where she found what she (and her clients) needed: radical acceptance. It is a major part of DBT, the therapy she developed for BPD.
Marsha Linehan, creator of the highly-regarded Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT), discusses Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) from the viewpoint of a clinician / researcher of the highest caliber.
The complete Linehan interview playlist: • Borderline Personality...
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'You have to radically accept that you want what you don't have and it's not a catastrophy'
And at this moment, tears started to roll down my face
i really relate to your response, i too was moved when i heard her say that. TRUTH
sleepingArisu I cried when she said that too
5 seconds that put everything into perspective...
I have had to radically accept that I want what I CAN'T have and it's not a catastrophy.
right...im crying too.
This woman is a legit genius and I think posterity will put her in the pantheon of psychiatry and psychology along with Freud and Jung. DBT and Buddhist psychology saved my life.
@@ksgarrett709 I actually think that the fact she suffered from the disorder she sought to save others from makes her work more significant. It means that she had a personal stake in making sure that the treatment was as effective as possible because she was fighting to save herself too. There have been plenty of cases of medical professionals going into medicine or revolutionizing the medical field because they or a loved one suffered from an ailment they sought to cure or relieve them from. People who suffer from BPD are human and are not inherently dangerous. They are just as dangerous and as harmless any any other person, with just as much potential to help and harm others as anyone else.
Marsha Linehan's work saved my life: point blank. Fraudulent or not, the results of her actions have had done irrefutable good. Her disclosure does not invalidate that
@@grapeicies pppppppppñp
@@ksgarrett709 Marsha published in peer reviewed journals and also began her career as a woman. If she was full of shit and/or her treatment didn't lead to better outcomes then that would show in the data.
She is referenced a lot so I think she sort of already is! X
She is definitely up there with Beck, Fromme, Skinner and others
It's "you can't change anything if you don't accept it because if you don't accept it, you try to change something else that you think is reality" for me.
Radical acceptance has saved my life. I return here when I struggle. ❤
“Wanting something you can’t have and it’s not a catastrophe “ .... simple and yet not easy
you practice with little things, letting the rain hit your face and not flinching for example.
I am alive today because of Radical Acceptance. I am free forever because I continually practice Radical Acceptance. This concept, which I use daily has changed my life for the better. I may have pain but I don't suffer.
I love her. SHe is so understanding of BPD there could not be any better person who does the therapy for bpd clients. I wish there was a Marsha Linehan for every country.
Máté Téglás
She actually has BPD herself.
I admire her for pioneering DBT . A life saving treatment program that saves lives.
I don't know how to change my life around...
I watch this video and what arises in me is overwhelm and stress.
my dream life feels 999-trillion universes away from my reality:
- I have minimal work (I live in poverty)
- the place I rent is old and teeny tiny tiny
- I have passions and talents that could make me rich, but...
- I'm single, have been my whole life, I die for true love
- fat and diabetic
- old now, no longer attractive
- no friends
- always a million-trillion stressful things to do...
DBT changed my life, and so so many others. She’s so incredibly brave and smart, I think she might be my favourite person alive. To know that the person who came up with your treatment also suffered with what you suffered with makes it a lot easier to take it seriously too, even though learning some parts feels silly, but she probably thought that at some point too.
Radical acceptance is one of the first things we learned in group, and it genuinely does change you by providing a new platform to see yourself and the world, and it’s a skill you learn to almost have always on the go. A lot of ppl with bpd struggle with the idea that nothing matters, while experiencing the feeling of everything mattering so deeply, and getting the hang of it makes life so much easier to deal with. It’s like I have a filing cabinet in my brain now, organising what matters and doesn’t (eg being anxious someone I don’t see often I suspect doesn’t like me), what matters right now and what doesn’t (eg feeling horrible guilt about how you treated someone, but saving that feeling to when you see them again to express apologies) and what can change and what can’t (eg feeling anxiety about relapse, but understanding that that’s something that can happen, but is something I have power to prevent).
Radical acceptance and checking the facts skills on their own can make such a massive difference to someone’s life. I still struggle a lot with anxiety, especially social, every day. But now it’s almost like I can say ‘we’ll put a pin in that thought and come back to it when it’s appropriate/ as there’s nothing I can do about that right now. for now I want to do this’. And I can recognise much better when I’m having a rational thought vs irrational ones.
I went to a impatient youth behavioral rehab for Native American teens. We learned all about DBT and this woman. So grateful for her
DBT changed my life. It saved my life.
DBT is more than a therapy, it's a way of life. If your therapist is trained in DBT, they should live it. A portion of their formal education is learning to remove individual bias and embrace people as they are, in this moment. This is radical acceptance.
I owe my life to this woman
The Pandemic (working from home, facing clients’ grief almost daily, distance from family) invited me to accept my past, generational trauma, and the present. I wasn’t lonely at all, and I allowed the practice to slow down. I accept that I want to watch the sun rise & drink coffee daily rather than rush to an office. So I modified my approach to scheduling to give me daily solitude.
I love her straightforward honesty. Her work has helped saved many lives and helped people build more fulfilling lives.
She's straightforward, until she starts dishing out New Age-y babble about "the priest speaking to the spiritual part of me", and "the spiritual part of me being the most important aspect of me". DBT is a bizarre blend of concrete strategies and tactics for combating emotional distress, which exists alongside lots of woo-woo drivel that not even the True Believers believe in
@@MechaJutaro There’s nothing “New Age” about the spiritual self or references to it.
@@JSmillaa Definitely flakey and specious though. What the hell anyone is talking about when they trot of fuzz terms like The Spiritual Self remains elusive. Again, I'm not bashing. Linehan is extremely bright, and I've benefitted immensely from reading her work. Sometimes I also find her thinking frustrating
@@MechaJutaroWhat if the reason it seems flaky and specious is because you’re using your present model of the world to understand an experience that you have yet to experience for yourself?
@@JSmillaa Similar to the way in which tales of alien abduction seem far fetched to most human beings. We're using a model of the world in which such things going largely unnoticed by everyone except those who claim it happened to them is highly improbable
"If you don't accept it you'll try to change something else that you think is reality" feels like a darn good reason for radical acceptance. I struggle with radical acceptance because the world seems fucked, and there isn't shit I can do about it that'll bring about much change. So I sometimes lean into the idea of letting the world burn regardless, simply because that's what it's already doing. But that quote I like, simply because I probably don't see the dartboard before throwing the dart, thinking it's elsewhere entirely.
After 1.5 years of therapy, I still struggle with radical acceptance. Hearing it from Marsha herself really helped validate the part of me that refuse to accept reality for what it is. I am constantly plagued by racial and gender biases, I think about giving up all the time. Thanks for making the borderline film, and uploading these short videos to CZcams. When I'm in a really dark place and I stumble upon one of your borderline videos, they're like an effective and gentle reminder that I need to practice my dbt skills.
Which Borderline video did you watch? There seems to be several and they are for therapist. I haven't seen them all
I'm so sorry for the delayed reply. Thank you for letting us know that these help. Stick with it.... stay the course! Check out our Peter Fonagy videos on mentalization based therapy. Another treatment that I think is really helpful - and this comes from a borderline. It's really helped me....
Hey, maybe if you and everyone else stopped accepting and swallowing racial and gender biases, your descendants might not have to play DBT? I know the system feels warm and everything...
@@aucontraire1786 radical acceptance is not against change. You have to acknowledge that racial/gender biases are there in order to fight to change them.
@@sbsb703 why would you want to do that?
OMGOMGOMG
I think this could be the thing that helps me overcome this one behavior I have!!!
"..."The practice of letting go of having to have what you want at any moment, and accepting that you want something..." and nothing bad will happen if you don't get it. (I'm paraphrasing the last part)
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I think she just helped me break my scripted behavior. OMG.
THANK YOU
A friend of mine liked to summarize Zen Buddhism's attitude towards life is "Not indifferent....but always ultimately accepting of what is (and isnt).
It's really the practice of letting go of having to have what you wanted at any moment and the recognition that you didn't always have to have whatever it is you wanted. Suppressing what you want is NOT the way to go. Radically accept(simply, gently, humbly, lovingly) that you are wanting what you don't have and it's not a catastrophe. Ye shall know the truth and the truth shall make you free
Radical acceptance is something I never heard of till recently. I was diagnosed with bpd 7 years ago at 23 years old and over the years I would tell myself “if I can just accept this one truth (whether a delusion or not) then I can live functionally and maybe be happy”.. now that I’ve learned to mostly accept many of the “what if’s” that pop up in my head, I am much happier ❤
Omg ive been trying to do radical acceptance for years but how? This just gave me the words immediatly LET GO !!!! Thankyou so much !
Stop sweeping in the middle of the job? That was a little jolt for me. As a life lesson it makes so much sense.
I'm a neat freak. That would be so difficult for me but it would be an awakening for sure
I learned radical acceptance a few years back going through a rough patch. It, and DBT are both worth learning.
I’m a year into my DBT and radical acceptance has literally been the most helpful thing I’ve learnt. Finding these videos and hearing Marsha, the creator of DBT, talk about it, is so so amazing.
Thanks for sharing these! Marsha Linehan has had such a positive impact on my life.
Thank you so much for these
Thank You Marsha QUEEN ❤
Love her authenticity and her work!
I can listen to her all day.
I grant myself the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.
This is going on my quote wall👍👍
@@mridulrathi2664 the serenity prayer
This is one of the best 4 minutes and 7 seconds I've ever spent.
Thanks to Borderliner. You are doing a great job, ML, PF, and others. Education is the way to go...
The work of these therapists and this YT channel creator is amazing I must thank you wholeheartedly!!!
This has been true in my own experience as well. When I was in my early 20s, I had a major watershed moment and acutely realised that the voice in my head was just another thought, or a piece of mental content as I'd call it. Simultaneously, there I was, observing it in the background, without a voice or opinion, as the pure awareness. Shortly thereafter it was like hell opened beneath my feet and my fear of mortality and of losing control emerged. It was a difficult experience for a few hours but it changed me forever and it finally unlocked my ability to really have insight. Now, ten years later, I'm the healthist person that I know in my own life, but that has been somewhat difficult too - "it's lonely at the top". The difference is that now carrying the burden is a meaningful experience. I wish more people could/would join me here.
Her book I use everyday for my daily life. I am forever thankful for her work. I'm learning so much about myself.
Thank you for posting
Finally I understood what she means with radical acceptance. Now I know what I have to practice in order to develop it. Thanks for sharing the video.
Wow. I have learnt a lot. And she is so honest and genuine.
She’s genuinely wonderful and so insightful about herself and creating DBT! I love DBT and se use it all the time on my inpatient ward with patients
This…🙌🔥💯👏
Radical acceptance is no easy task, but very much needed for our healing and growth. 🙏✨
Wow, the amazing Dr. Linehan is so right, I've been training the last year drug abusers to practice this way of acceptance and it has been excruciating even for me, but with awesome results
I can absolutely relate this 💖💯 especially the sweeping. Thank you. I remember my "sweeping" epiphany. I lived in an Ashram as well and found it an incredible experience.
Even more profound was years later having the sweeping experience outside the Ashram and accepting life circumstances. Having inner peace regardless of outside circumstance is the key 🔑.
This story about how the monastery used simple chores to teach non-attachment has helped numerous times to reframe and underline points in the topics of mindfulness, acceptance and DBT skills in general. It's an example I'm going to be retelling to people for the rest of my life, thanks for sharing it so succinctly and memorably
Amazing Marsha Lineham video thank you
One of my fundamental challenges in life has been accepting that I don't have what I want without being devastated by it. Getting an NPD diagnosis helped fill in part of that picture for me, but even now I can feel the anger & resistance in my chest at the very idea that I would accept failure. Marsha makes me want to try therapy again, which is the highest praise I could possibly give. I've learned so much from this channel & I'm truly grateful for the education.
“At times, we’re not going to be able to accept what is unfolding in our lives, which is just the reality in certain situations. We don’t need to pretend otherwise. Even when acceptance is not possible, we can fall to the ground and bow. This bowing, which unfolds organically as we’re initiated by way of tending grief, is one of the essence-doorways on the path of the wounded healer. It is an honoring of the lunar descent, of the benevolence of the darker shades, and of the reality of initiation by way of the wound. “ Matt Licata.
My brain felt like it got tucked into a nice cozy bed when I heard her in this video. For me to hear someone say it so pleasantly, simply, effectively. It's like this very basic thing is what I've been seeking out.
You can radically accept what you cannot control! If you have the control to change it, do it but the things you can’t change you have to accept.
God grant me the strength to accept the things I cannot change
The courage to change the things I can
And the wisdom to know the difference.
I love what she said about not being able to change anything unless you have radically accepted what the reality is in the first place you would just be accepting the version of reality you have been telling yourself, hence nothing changes. This is very hard to work on DBT skills by yourself. I needed this help at 17yrs old. So much pain & suffering especially for my children could have been prevented. This is the biggest regret and source of sorrow in my life.
I can feel for you.
Same here. Hope that you can make up with your kids and that they will find their way of healing too.
Check out Dr Kim Sage. She's got great content on this subject plus passed down trauma.
Being raised in the 70ies emotional well-being of kids wasn't really priority. And so u grew up in a disfunctional home not knowing that you will pass on your own issues on your kids. It's a sad circle of one wounded inner child creating another one.
Wishing u well!
Ps could u tell me how u do DBT by yourself??
Kati Morton recently released a clip about self help. She said in it why so many ppl struggle with "positive affirmations" is cos deep down they don't believe they are worth.
So she said she'll release clips on "bridging statements" as a first part of trying to consider that your worth of better.
Thanks in advance
So precious, thank you for sharing.
Thank you Dr Marsha!
This is really beautiful
Beautiful. Thanks.
a big thing for the healing to work..it must be worked out for each individual every one of there hanging on damaging parts and becoming to see them long enough that it changes the way they are held inside..courage....commitment....sincerity
Tara Brach "Radical Acceptance." Life affirming / transforming practice.
The last sentence says a lot.
Thank You Doctor ❤
if probably she will read this...
I say thank u so much dr. Marsha, your journey help me too ... :)
This is the skill that got me on board with all the other skills.
She is brilliant
Wow. Thank you
Such a remarkable woman
I am in a program now who uses her entire curriculum and radical acceptance is by far the most challenging for me and the next is wise mind.....oh boy that is a doozy too!
Wow. Thank you. 🙏
THANK YOU
"It has to be a regular practice."
This is a crucial reminder for anyone who is new at radical acceptance.
I wonder how Marsha feels about the fact that she is a IRL superhero. If Earth had a team of Avengers, Marsha Linehan would be one of the first you'd have to find and recruit. And she would politely decline your silly offer.
I am using her to save my life, and I hope some day I'll save others' too.
Your work is BY FAR AND FOR THE LONGEST IS THE ONLY SOLUTION. The question (in my opinion): how to spread it to the MOST PEOPLE, in the SHORTEST TIME!
Acceptance is a major principle promoted by Alcoholics Anonymous. The chapter on acceptance is one of the most quoted in the Big Book. It starts with "acceptance is the answer to all my problems today........
Thanks for sharing your wisdom. This is what Eckhart Tolle teaches as well.
Love this
thank you so much I am from saudi of Arabia when I watched your talking is very fantastic
I get exactly what she is saying. Only those who have been through certain experience's will understand what she was saying❤
Absolutely, anyone who has experienced trauma can relate & understand this.
Nope. It's just not that difficult.
I love her.
I'm completely in love with these videos with M. Lineham. I'm so grateful that she talks out about her therapy approach. I'm studying psychology and this has really helped me understand the nature of BPD. I seriously look up to her and hope to meet her one day! Does anyone know of any other videos on clinicians/anyone else who empowers you with content online that I should know about?
Thanks so much for so saying. We do have other clinicians on our channel that are worth checking out: Otto Kernberg, Peter Fonagy, John Gunderson, Mary Zanarini (more a researcher), Aaron Krasner (talks about insurance from the tortured standpoint of a treater - it sucks for them too), and Valerie Porr lands somewhere in the middle as a tremendous knowledge resource and advocate.
Katie Morton is great
Try dr. Fox, find him on YT, everybody loves him! Good luck!
Dr Fox, Dr Todd Grande, Dr Ramani
I wish they did brain scans of people with borderlines. I hope there are enough people out there who continue her work. It's so valuable. There are so few people trained in BPD. I live in a major city and still no one. Treating the depression in BPD is not the answer though it can be helpful. I've told doctors about to send me to the right person this and they can't admit to this.
for more information see Tara Brach "radical acceptance". Thank you Marsha.
Beautiful reflection . Islam is what saved me ❤️ “Letting Go” and “Acceptance”- So powerful and difficult to achieve. Spirituality can only help us
Same here alhamdulillah, reverted 27 years ago. Only one thing - if you have been brought up in a disfunctional home then u nevertheless need to look into yourself. There may be emotional disregulation which then will negatively affect your kids.
I'm speaking from experience.
It was thru Islam that I learnt this principle of acceptance and at the same time working for the better.
Also it reigned in my impulsivity and black and white thinking ...
But having kids was a complete different story. That's where my triggers set off and I many many times got out of control.
Despite faith and trying to follow the example of good manners and so on u need to work on the ACEs (adverse childhood experiences)
Over eight years time I’ve tried accepting my BPD, accepting who I am, but I never succeed. I’ve had help from therapists and medications but nothing fucking helps me get there. Having a messy ADHD-brain and OCD self hating thoughts that endlessly eat me alive from the inside doesn’t help. I meditated 30 min daily for a year, all it did was reinforce my own self hate because I could never be calm, never have distance to my thoughts, I never experienced any of the benefits. And still everyone around me is “convinced” that I will be all right, eventually, but eventually never comes. Marsha is LUCKY to have the brain chemistry to be able to reach all these insights. Not everybody can do it. I certainly can’t, and nobody can tell me I haven’t tried.
I can relate to this. I was totally tormented by self-hating thoughts. What worked for me was finally feeling completely loved and accepted by God. That was transformative (and actually, if you read the 2011 NY times article about Marsha Linehan, that was also how she learnt first to accept herself, long before she went off into Buddhism). My advice is pray: ask God to show you how HE feels about you, and to show you the path to transformation. It's not a question of 'pull yourself up by your own bootstraps' but of reaching out for help from your loving Heavenly Father. He will not disappoint you.
Queen!
wanna watch this everyday )
This actually might help me deal with my husband who had strokes. It’s been seven years of losing my shit almost daily. I’m really gonna try to apply this.
Accepting is being able to clearly see it.
This is really hard for me to practice effectively, perhaps because it is relatively new to me (just started DBT). When I deliberately try to accept things without judgment, I don't notice actual problems as much. A lot of people mention blame and rage as being blinding but indifference or kindness can be so as well. Although danger isn't always around the next corner, sometimes it will be.
The other day I partially fell for a scam on the phone. When I perceived "mistakes" and "holes" in the scammer's logic, I replaced my judgment/criticism with the "benefit of the doubt". Although I didn't lose any money (yet) I gave them much more information then I should've. In the end, it is more troubling now for myself - and those close to me - then It would've been if I followed my impulse, told them to "fuck off", hung up, and reported the incident.
Perhaps not every situation is worthy of radical acceptance; sometimes fight or flight is the right thing to do. I certainly won't be as keen to practice radical acceptance when money is involved.
@@julinaonYT aaaaw I see. "Check the facts" is an emotional regulation skillset, correct? I joined a group as they were about to delve into interpersonal effectiveness, we are going to get into emotional regulation in a couple of weeks. Thank you for pointing this out.
I work with a person with Pathological/Persistent Demand Avoidance. It's the most tricky type of orientation to approach as even supportive suggestions are experienced by the person as an attack on their autonomy....
Rebbie, come back we miss you.
I wish she would be my therapist. sometimes i feel like no matter what i do, the things with my bpd and anxiety will not get better. ive been like this for almost all my life. :(
Take black seed oil and meditate everyday
Chris Baidoe thank you very much that you took the time to answer, I try to meditate daily but its hard to keep it up, but I never heard about black seed oil, so will definitely research that! 😊
Meditation is a huge help cause being an empath comes with BPD just do it consistently at least 10 min a day..black seed oil will help with everything(anxiety,insomnia,depression)try the maju brand
Amazing
The 4 Noble Truths and the Laws of Suffering.
Towards the end she briefly mentions it's not just the present moment but also the past. I wonder if the filters and interpretations about the past are taken into consideration and maybe part of changing the future, since it would basically involve changing the way we think from however it is now to another perspective. There's the teaching of the second arrow/dart in Buddhism which is making a distinction between what happened and the additional suffering we add to it with our mind.
It is what it is
Reminds me of the Serenity Prayer
Help me understand this. I was abused as a child. I know what I want is the love I needed as a child. Is that not a catastrophe? I understand that I am still whole even though that happened, but all I hear is my abusers saying "I hurt you and its your fault for not getting over it." I know its not but this "radical acceptance" sounds too close to gaslighting for my comfort
I'm on the same path as you honestly, which is why I'm still struggling so much with acceptance and letting go. :((
I'm so sorry to hear about the abuse you suffered. All children deserve to know they are loved! I believe the term radical acceptance in no way condones or accepts the abuse as okay or acceptable. It never was and never will be. But since the past has happened and can't be changed, getting locked into a cycle of thinking that it should have been different isn't useful and it causes a lot of additional suffering. Telling yourself that the abuse wasn't okay, but that you will be okay despite the abuse is radical acceptance. You will be okay because you accept that fact that your caregivers failed you and didn't show you the love you needed and deserved. You will be okay because even though they failed in their responsibilities, you can take responsibility to become your own emotional rock and support. You will be okay because you know your value and will love yourself in the way you wished they would have loved you. And finally, you will be okay because you have compassion for others you have gone through similar things and you will be able show them with empathy the way to be released from the pain of their abusers.
This technique is NOT supposed to be used to justify abuse, that's why it sounds like gaslighting.
How nice for you to be able to take a sabbatical and travel to Buddhist monasteries. Luxuries beyond the reach of most.
I wish Marsha was my therapist 😂
book her!
let's do radical acceptance with that notion then, Aubrey. I bet you could do it. You're already learning so much from her.
Aubrey P don’t we all
She is, though. Change your lens. She's here and free for us to access.
letting go, clients willing to work towards this
What helped me is realizing I’m not special. The world shouldn’t be different for me or my expectations. The universe is indifferent to me. And how few people think of you when you’re not around.
Very hard to accept for a lot of people. -P
tyahnks thanks tahnks a looot
good video ✅