Dating as an INTJ
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- čas přidán 16. 12. 2023
- Explaining the experience of dating as a 35 year old INTJ.
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Dating as an INTJ… something I’ve actively avoided since the last time we won’t speak of
Losing someone feels worse than losing a loved one
@@ishyameru6232I agree
Sucks to hear about your bad experience but life is meant to be lived. I hope you get over this hump and start putting yourself out there again one day ✊🏼
Same
Yes but have you tried dating as another type?
I am an ENTP, I do get on really well with INFPs, but I can confirm that INTJs care way more about others than INFPs do. When I was at my worst, I tried telling many people about my problems, but this INTJ was the only person who really listened to my problems and gave good advise without any judgments.
Congrats, because it sounds like you're part of the INTJ's Fi! INTJs will come and go as we please but we will never ignore a friend or family in need ❤
That's probably because the INTJ likes you (or) is a friend?
Us infps are very caring also. But we get very offended if our advice/help is turned down when we try, so we may learn to look for the "help me" flag before assisting.
Sometimes infps are also just lost in our own world a lot. We don't want to be this way all the time. We just are.
@@dillonmason4503 Us ENTPs like to go to the INFPs for interesting conversations and watch and research things on the internet
I'm a 60 y/o female INTJ and I can totally relate to every single thing that you have said. I was very lonely in my 30s for all of the reasons that you have expressed until I met my "forever person" at age 35. I knew within a few weeks that he was the person for me. He's an ENTJ and we are a great pair, married 24 years and going strong. Don't give up. There are lot's of great partners out there for you.
Congrats on finding your person! I've always been a fan of the ENTJ/INTJ pairing ❤
As a female INTJ, i can relate to all this hands down a 100%. A life struggle but i'm comfortable being on my own. It sucks at times but better than wasting my time with someone who doesn't value or understand how i do things. I'm by no means a perfect INTJ, far from it. I'm still working on my flaws as far as expressing my internalized feelings and understanding others needs. These vids definitely give me insight as to how i can improve and of course not think like i'm the only one going through this.
We'll continue to grow together my INTJ sister ✊
My INTJ friend shared this with me. Now I am even more motivated to take care of and respect my INTJ friends' baby Fi.
You're one of my favourite people here, Jon, and I believe in the goodness of your destiny. You will meet your forever person, it makes my heart glow to find people who also have this "forever" ideal as me💖.
Don't worry, I will make sure to take care of fellow INTJs for you😊😊😊
- Sincerely, an INFJ
Thank you for taking care of your INTJ ❤
You are so sweet!❤❤❤
I can't remember the last time I felt the need to comment on a CZcams video. I'm an INTJ, and your words resonated with me. Do I want to express those feelings externally? No. But I do want to say that I feel I've been heard, which is extremely rare for me personally. Interpersonal relationships are inherently difficult when you value time with yourself so highly.
Anyway, good luck on your journey man. The right person will either come along, or they won't. The best option is to live our best life by ourselves and hope that we exist in one of the universes where it works out to a satisfactory degree.
Thank you for commenting and it's always nice to hear from others with this share experience. I agree, lets continue living our best lives ✊🏼
INFJ here. I recently got into a relationship with an INTJ. For both of us it's the best thing we ever came across. You will find your forever person ❤
JEALOUS!!! I came across a gentleman who's in an INTJ INTJ pairing and I'm totally hoping that even if it's not a romantic pairing, that I end up with a fellow INTJ friend.
I am so happy for you guys! 💕
Congrats on the relationship! Please take care of your INTJ for me ❤️
@@justcallmejon22 thanks 😊 I will look after him well 🫶
"You have to be able to compete with my love of being alone". I have said versions of this in the past. My friends think it's funny. Partly because they know how honest it is.
My friends laugh at my honestly all the time as well 😆
As an INFP, this is why I always used to clash with my INFJ mom. Having my Fi always ignored made me feel worse growing up, especially as an immature INFP teen. Now I am mature and get along the best with INTJs. I am dating an INTJ right now. He's great. We both listen to each other and respect each other's views. I have learnt to not take things he says personally. I know they come from good intentions. He is a very kind person.
My mom is INFJ and we do have a hard time understanding each other
@@carmenm8521 to me, as an INFP: INFJs are the people who understand me the most but also completely misunderstand me. How is this possible? Lol. They can come across so inauthentic and rigid to me and I can come across as selfish and “too sensitive” to them. Don’t get me wrong. I appreciate INFJs for their wisdom and the order they can bring into our lives but their rigidity and often single-mindedness is suffocating for my free-spirited INFP self. I also always feel like they’re judging me IN SILENCE haha! And I can feel that 😬 My INTJ lets me be me and I let him be himself. I love that about INTJs. It’s like we don’t even have to try- we just listen and understand each other.
My INFJ mom on the other hand had been moulding me into something she wanted me to be all my life. Hence, parental enmeshment. She’s a lot mature now. I still love her to death. My Fi clashed with her Fe a lot. I would be bullied at school and I just needed to be heard about my feelings (deep and intense) but she keeps going on about her wisdom and tells me that I’m too sensitive and fragile, while completely ignoring the feelings I just poured out to her. She also used information I had shared confidentially with her in future arguments or conflicts against me! Ufff held a lot of resentment for that. But yeah, like I said, there is no person in this world that I love more than my INFJ mom but these were some things that bothered me a great deal. I wanted to also explain since other INFJs may find it useful.
You should try finding yourself an INTP. I can tell you that having met several INFP’s, they have told me that they feel most comfortable with us INTP’s, because we can understand them like no other as we are the most similar to them. I am married to an INTJ, but an INFP based on my personal experience that they understand me like no other type.
I understand my INFP friend 🧡
But aren't you lacking that emotional affection the intj won't give you? That was the only thing holding me back from continuing a relationship with the intj I was with (infp here.) She was cool, level-headed and engaged me in deep conversation which I loved. But she wasn't the lovey dovey type. And I am.
INTJ male here, more seriously, the main problem is being honest with my own nature of still wanting affection and intimacy. If I could logic my way out of it and put it beneath me and look down on it, I totally would. But I still have emotions.
What I am doing now is becoming the best version of myself. But the key thing is that socialization, community, and acts of service are part of this, not just my solo goals. Being around people you are comfortable (and uncomfortable) with really helps keep down the ni-fi loops with dating. If I meet women I like doing my thing, then great; I'd love to meet someone naturally who is already involved in the things I am. If not, then whatever.
We're INTJs, our fictional characters are the most badass people ever. Look at Bruce Wayne, he can actually do everything. No one is perfect, but INTJs can damn well get close. A strategic mind enables us to quite literally work on finance, emotional health, physical health, passion projects, social life, community, acts of service, and dating if you want to, all at the same time with a ruthlessly consistent effort. If that's not attractive in dating, then nothing ever will be. Better to live a fulfilled life in peace than participate in modern dating misandry and misogyny.
"Better to live a fulfilled life in peace than participate in modern dating misandry and misogyny"..I love this 🙂
That is all attractive in dating. ❤
Batman is considered the most attractive male superhero.
He's an INTJ.
there is not such a thing as misandry. We just hate abusers and you take it personally. The reaction to misogyny in patriarchy is not translated to misandry, you just have to take responsibility and treat women as human and equals.
51 female INFJ here. Respect for spilling out your heart for us online. It was also genuinely interesting to hear you talk about your dating issues with INFJ females. I would appreciate if you elaborate in a follow up video. I always love to learn sth new. Thanks for your videos!
Thank you and I'm considering making those videos 🙂
I've thought about it a lot, but the issue tends to be that we have a predisposition for a life of abstraction. Not just INTJ's but types like INTP's as well.
What I mean by that is that we want to maximize the usage of our Ni and Te (our mind, planning systems, introspection) and we find the sensory quite useless (the body, activities with no goal, cooking 3 hours to eat for 2 minutes) which leads us to abstract things like science, engineering, philosophy, etc.
This makes it hard to connect in relationships because it's like we are a mind that owns a body, while most people are bodies. Most people just aren't spending the insane time we spend on thinking and abstraction. The majority views connecting as physical intimacy, having fun, partying and such, but we crave a mental intimacy, like a merging of two databases - where we share what we're thinking, and compare it with what someone else has been thinking.
If you enter a relationship where someone just couldn't be bothered with what you've been thinking about, there's no connection for either of you. You want to spend all your time reading Schopenhauer and programming, you wake up with a mission, they wake up wanting to feel good, to spend time going out on dates. This ends up with a relationship where they feel like they're dating a spy, because the INTJ is always doing something in complete isolation with headphones on. The INTJ seems reluctant to do "relationship" things with them, go out in public, even though the INTJ considers that time spent as a huge gift for the partner because they sacrificed valuable time to do it... Relationships typically end when that dynamic appears.
It only works if you sacrifice your true motivations to appease your partner because you value them even if you don't like taking time away from your thing. Another way it could work is if you find another INTJ INTP/etc. that really understands you, which is what I thought romance was, two people who understand each other, heading towards a goal, but together, where the priority isn't entertainment but just getting along and sharing company while you both read books or chase a dream - incredibly rare, but it would be ideal.
For the slightly unhealthier INTJ's, they just swallow some occasional loneliness while charging forward and dedicating life to interests. Regardless, it's very interesting experiencing this narrow slice of existence, and no doubt whatever we choose to do will definitely be a unique experience.
I resonate with this a lot. I'm not yet in my 30s, but I had already realized long ago why as an individual I'm so disinterested in dating and finding a partner due to knowing that people don't find relationships primarily through mental intimacy, but physical intimacy. There are other irl factors ofc that eventually made me feel like I wanna spend the rest of my 20s and most likely majority of my 30s being single to capitalize on the freedom that I have now due to growing up in a family who restricted my life to follow their plans, and other life experiences that unfortunately was all cult-like.
Despite all that though, I do feel like my heart is hopelessly swayed into love with a particular person because of how that individual values me and my feelings (Fi) and how he looks up to my skills and career (Te & Se), but unfortunately I do see signs of struggling when he's trying to keep up with my Ni passionate ramblings, and I'm wary about this because I know my feelings do get affected when I don't feel like my Ni is being valued enough since I'm an INTJ. It's just a need. Hopefully, it can be worked out, but I guess time will tell on my end.
You did an amazing job expressing our struggle! I feel like I'm missing things in my video now 😅
I am ENFP(w) and in love with INTJ(m). I encourage his outwardness, goofiness and he helps me putting goals and stay grounded.
I tell things the way they are and he loves that I never lie neither caress his ego. I challenge him😂
He is the best of ALL men on earth and needed to see he was enough. No INTJ don't think they are perfect contrary to what we see. They compensate their fear of rejection/abandonment by building walls around them that are so hard to break. But they can not resist truth, love and self joke.
Edited to add: And time for themselves ! Granted I NEVER get bored by myself.
Congrats on finding an INTJ! It sounds like you're both doing great together and I'm happy for the two of you. Take care of him for us please 🙂
I’m actually that INTP, whom for asked out with the INTJ with whom I am still married to now. When he showed interest, I was incipiently quite hesitant to date him, as I was not interested in dating at the time, and was sick and tired of guys that were only interested in my body, and not willing to make any kind of of commitment. Most were uninteresting, carried way too much emotional baggage and far too emotional for me. Thankfully for both of us I decided to give him a chance, instead of friend-zoning him. My INTJ also seemed surprisingly lively for an introvert, and notice he has the intelligence and serious that I was looking for, and didn’t have loyalties issues like with the other MBTI types.
I'm always happy to hear about your successful relationship with an INTJ. We really are lively once we're comfortable with a person and it's always nice to hear from someone other than an INTJ. As always, I'm rooting for your marriage ❤
As an ENFP involved in a failing relationship with an INTJ it's incredibly helpful to hear your perspective. Thanks
I'm hoping the best for the two of you ❤
I'm also an ENFP dating an INTJ... It's certainly challenging as I'm in the early stages! 😩
ENFP and INTJ get along well when mature...INTJ is less reserved and ENFP IS more focused. If you want to have it now, try to focus on tasks more, add music/ instrumental while doing them.
Let the INTJ do at your place more.
Relax and thank!
Here’s the thing. Thinking back on a horrible marriage that lasted for waaaay too long…. Even in that relationship, it was one of the loneliest experiences of my life.
Now that I’m single, I’m appreciating the peace that comes with the loneliness. It took a while, especially when being completely trampled for so long. Hang in there, thanks for sharing. Definitely a lot to chew on in here.
I'm sad that your marriage ended but I'm glad to hear that you're in a better place now. What you said about being lonely in a relationship is why I'm okay with being single 🙂
My partner is an intj male and we’ve been together for 8 years now (Gahh!). No relationship is perfect indeed and I think sometimes we just need to accept each other’s differences. It’s also very important to set boundaries and give each other space when needed. Overall, I’m very happy to be with my serious yet secretly goofy intj partner and look forward to our future. Good luck! - isfp :D
Congrats on your relationship and it sounds like you two are making it work. Take good care of him for me please 🙏
infp here.. You need to know something: as a infp who is now quite mature (41) and deep on the self development path, I do hear your words loud and clear! I had dated intj in my 20s and ..as you with your infp relationship, we also broke up cause of my moaning and emotional vent and not doing much action abut myself..- he just grew tired of that. That relationship was my true love,though. Today, i so wish i could have been different back then and see things from his point of view and how that affected him.. but hey, we all learn. All I can say, don't lose hope. women who are older, even the feelers, do mature and get their T function in the right spot. All the best for you, really appreciated your video. Thank you for sharing it.
It's sad to hear that your relationship didn't work out and it shows maturity not to bash the INTJ for what you realized to be your own shortcomings. A relationship goes both ways so I'm sure he's responsible for a lot of the reason why it ended. Thank you for telling your truths and I haven't given up yet, I don't think I ever will 🙂
Thanks for all that you share, Jon. I think we INTJs always strive to be understood better. I often mull over the same questions you posed in this video.
Arrived to any conclusions yet?
Thank you for making this video. Loved your perspective. This was definitely eye-opening for me as an INFJ female.
Happy to hear it. Let's grow together 🙂
I appreciate everything you shared.
I am so happy that you got a large amount of people following you and your videos, i remember when it was less people, i hope you find love in your life, im 38 so it is a hell finding someone when you are reaching your 40s
Of course I remember you man! I hope you and your child are both doing well 🙂
Hi Jon, thanks for baring your heart here. Really appreciate your Ni, it's evident here.
I hope you find what you are looking for and some years later, you would be talking how you finally have the answer to these questions why those relationships didn't work out and be completely happy. Cheering for you.
Thank you, my friend ❤️
This video is valuable to me and am thankful of you sharing publicly for us to fall back on when understanding the depth of our INTJs authentically.
I also agree to what you shared for an example, “why is that you’re favorite color?” Many get offended or gave me a vague reply like, “cuz that’s what girl/boys like.” I’m also not purposely analyzing for advantage, it’s natural for me to get to know people at deeper level and like you said, you have my attention.
You’re videos in the channel helped me tremendously and I am thankful for CZcamsrs like you to publicly share 😭
Always happy to hear that my videos are making a difference 😀
Thank you Jon for this wonderful insight, I understand that this was a hard video for you, your work is very appreciated.
As an ENTP attempting to romance an INTJ that doesn’t understand the purpose of relationships, this has been a great explanation of how I may need to proceed.
Good luck ENTP, take care of the INTJ for us 🙏
Thank you for sharing. I loved listening to you, I do not think you are the problem. You just havent found the right person yet. I wish you the bestest!
Thank you so much 🙏
Jon, I really appreciate what you talked about in your video.
Thank you ❤
Oh my! Your videos have helped me so much! Thank you!
You're welcome 🙏
Are you kidding me? I can't believe how much of what you said reflect my situation, 90% of what you described I can feel like I had the same experience.
Yeah he nailed it. I'm about to be 43 and essentially have been single my whole life despite being a great catch. My alone time needs are an anchor.
Dating is a skill I've never mastered. I put it up there with algebra.
You're not alone my INTJ sibling ✊
You are so truthful to what you say, totally agree with you.
Thank you for listening and commenting 🙏
Wow, powerful video, thanks for putting yourself out there. Your words hit home, and I can say the self-analysis loop you go through, you're not alone. Silver lining though, one of the INTJ superpowers is not dwelling much.
Please share any golden nuggets of wisdom on how to manage and upgrade Fi to not be such a cripling defect at times.
It's always a nice feeling know that I'm not alone...is this Fe?! I'm still trying to figure out my Fi so stay tuned on my video on how to improve it 😊
I agree that us INTJs really do care about people, we are simply not vocal about it and express it in another way. We think about a person's problem/ feelings and try a way to solve the issue. If someone posts something on social media, everyone will say something to make the poster to feel better. Us INTJ instead think of a way to help them instead of saying empty words. We are viewed as heartless at first meanwhile we try to help the person behind the scenes or tell the person directly in private. No one will know that we are doing something for the person unless someone else actually sees our action.
No one needs to know, the problem just needs to be fixed and the person just has to be in a better state 🙃
If you know that what you are doing is helping somebody who can not recognize your intent beside looking heartless, why don't you state it before???
Like: "I know you are having this rough, Can I help and give my two cents? You should consider this and that. Hope that helped!"
Acknowledge, help, reinforce acknowledging.😊
I'm an ENFP, admiring INTJs. Thanks for sharing! It's exciting 2 get into ur mind. Wish u peace 🙌
Good luck ENFP ✊
What you said about how Te can be just as kind as Fe is so true
And as a fellow INTJ, explaining my unbalanced relationships with INFJs in my life just clicked when you mentioned them not validating your Fi
Honestly your videos are so so comforting, pls keep uploading and I really hope you'll be able to find your special someone 💙
Thank you my friend and I hope your relationship with the INFJ improves ✊
My intj brother I appreciate you being vulnerable with the rest of us. It is important for our particular type to express our emotions because we are seeing as not having any. I had a ride or die infp 4 Wing 5 and I'm an intj 5 Wing 6 on the surface I think it looks like you met somebody that's exactly like you and who doesn't love themselves what you need to practice my friend is what is called Shadow work essentially it's doing the complete opposite of what you normally do so if you like to stay home instead of going out guess what you have to go out and if you'd like to stay silent and not talk to people guess what you need to make 5 minute friends do it in places where you don't ever go and you're never going to see them again but if you just happen to meet somebody cool get their phone number send them a text. People pay thousands of dollars to learn how to do this I kind of figured it out on my own
Congrats on finding an INFP! I appreciate the advice and I force myself to be social even when I don't want to. It's a slow process engaging with Se, but I refuse to have a weakness so you can find me out and about with a purpose 🙃
I was at that point with my INTJ boyfriend many times too. I cried so hard and he tried to explain and sometimes withdraw emotion when it became intense.
We also discussed about attachment styles too.
It takes very long time but finally we can get through it. He never thought about marriage with me (we broke up but keep being best friend at that time) because he thought it was too hard for him. He thought he prefer someone who is easier to handle and more independent but once he connected to his feeling through his spiritual path then he suddenly feel that he wanted to marry me and then he became a very gentle and loving person on earth.
He once said even if I was blind (handicapped) he will still marry me. So I don’t have to do anything if I don’t want to. I can take all his cares.
I asked why.
He answered that he can connect with me.
I thought maybe because being myself helped him grow the most. I always listen to him and we can talk about life and abstract topic endlessly. But most importantly, he saw himself in me. He saw himself in my vulnerability that he also deeply have. My feeling called his feeling. When he was not immature yet, it overwhelms him. Once he fully embrace it, he handle everything very well. His life is better 100% because of this. I can sense his happy soul clearly now.
I never imagine him to be like this. It beyonds word.
Long story I want to share ^____^
First and foremost, thank you for sharing brother. As an INTJ those opening 7 minutes felt like I was having a real conversation and break down with, well myself lol. You out here spitting facts especially when it comes to INTJ 'code switching' based on the social environment we're in being so second nature it is almost like the primary plan if the environment isn't agreeing with us. Blend in, don't draw attention, discreetly exit when you see an opportunity. As I'm going through my own struggles right now, which honestly felt like they came out of nowhere and I'm still trying to figure out how my partner and I got here but due to low communication right now that's a practice in running a hamster wheel and expecting to get somewhere meaningful, everything you said resonated a lot. I hope you're healing well from your recent separation.
Also, funny enough what the younger generations call "settling" I saw as early as my 20s as a successful indication of a functioning relationship. Needless to say, I SUPER sucked at dating when I was younger cause I was already looking into the future of, "how do I get to that point?" and that was not what a lot of women in that age range even wanted to entertain. Also in regard to lesson 2, consciously KNOWING I'm going to have to suppress my strongest function to just appear "not creepy" to a potential partner is another reason I'm hoping I get whatever broke worked out, cause I'm an old dog and that would definitely feel like a step backward.
Always happy to hear from you brother! I hope you get through whatever you're going through with your partner but it sounds like you're taking the right steps if maintaining the relationship is the goal. I've learned a lot from my failed relationships but I'm not jaded because every relationships will make me a better person for when the right person comes along. It's not a matter of who, it's just a matter of when, and I'm willing to wait for it 🙂
that was so helpful im an intj in my 20s and watching you made me realise alot of negative mistakes that iHAVE and can fix so i will work on improving them . pardon my english too its my second language.. love you
Your English is perfect! Learn from my mistakes my INTJ brother, we will continue to grow together ✊🏼
So much of what you said here is so relatable to me. 😅
After 3 hours of socialising, I need a whole week to get rid of that cranky and snappy state that extraversion put me in.
I'm reaching the end of the video and you're pretty much nail on the head straight to the point I can concur with a lot of the information that's being portrayed you're talking about being narcissistic I do not think this is the case I think we are more authentic and when you run into somebody that's narcissistic they hate the fact that you are a truth-teller and you will see what narcissism truly looks like. Be your true self follow your own path do what makes you feel comfortable everyday but sometimes you don't use a muscle it's called atrophy then you start exercising it and you become better than you were when you started keep up the good work bring positivity into the people that you meet every day Inspire hope and set a good example for the rest you will slowly but surely see a benefit🎉
I agree 💯. One of the beauty of having Fe Blind is that it usually doesn't affect me when those words are thrown around. A double edged benefit of being an INTJ 😅
thank you so much for sharing, it meant a lot
actually made me feel understood
You're not alone ✊
You really hit the nail on the head on a lot of points. It's just too taxing mentally to actively seek anybody out especially when you are looking for very specific things in a partner... and it's just very hard overall. I have been single for two years and during that time I have been working on myself (I got promoted twice in '23, yayy!) and feeding my hobbies and special interests. I know I am probably hurting myself the longer I wait but just starting over is deteriorating and reopening up to someone overall feels draining even thinking about. You are absolutely correct at the end... if you cant stand to be alone at the end of the day then you aren't fit to be in a relationship. I learned that the hard way.
I wish you the best luck and all the happiness in the new year!
Thank you for being honest and the best of luck for you this year as well 🎊
This is a dope video man, always coming with dope content 🔥🔥
Thanks dude, keep up the hard work on your channel ✊
Thanks for sharing with us. Very helpful
✊
Finally, someone talking who is real INTJ. Your thought process is almost the same with mine. I realized that my Fi is holding me back all along. It's our defense mechanism rather than weakness. That's where things all become sensitive just as you said that we put layers to protect it. For me, how they treat my Fi is my deal breaker than Ni. Ni is just how I perceive the world, how I learn things, how I forsee the outcome, and how I trace the root cause of the problem.
People will claim they are open minded until they are faced with an opinion that goes against their own. Auntie Fi is our moral compass and will continue to protect us as long as we let her ✊
Hi Jon, thank you for sharing and being honest with your thoughts and feelings. I relate to everything you said. As an INTJ woman (32), sometimes I feel like I'll end up single forever. I have accepted if that's gonna be my fate. I also ended a relationship with an INFJ a year ago. That one scarred me the most out of all my relationships. I remember begging and voicing out my FI but it was ignored to the point that I backed out on our marriage 2 days before the date. I felt like I wasn't heard, I felt like other people were the priority and not me. I have not regretted my decision one bit because I could see myself miserable in the future if we got married.
I am happy where I am right now. I have learned so much after the breakup and realized that I can never escape nor ignore my Fi. I am seeing an ENTJ and it's going really well so far. I hope that it will blossom into something in the future but, I am not getting my hopes up.
I am always looking forward to your videos!
I always appreciate your comments! I'm sad to hear that your engagement didn't work out but I'm happy to hear that you listened to your Fi. It's better to end it now than to end it later. Congrats on finding an ENTJ, they really are one of the only types that understands and appreciate an INTJ for who we are ❤
First, thank you for having the courage to share your ideas with us. It's fascinating to get an insight into how other types see the world, process their thoughts/emotions, and (most importantly for me at least) understand what introverted intuition truly means.
We INFPs need a good 30+ years to "fully bake" before we're ready to truly date.
INFPs are perfect the way you are! I'm still waiting to meet an INFP that's around the same age as me because I'm curious to see how they developed (INFPs outside of my social circle) 🙂
@@justcallmejon22 Gosh, I was a disaster when I was in my teens and twenties. But now that I'm in my mid-40s, I can hardly tell if I'm a well developed ISTJ or INFP (and it doesn't help that I'm a 5w4). I hope you find someone who is perfect for you. I guess I just said it so that you don't give up hope on us because we're a bit ya know when we're young.
Thanks for making this
✊
As an INTJ respect for you to share your personal feelings out there as full of vulnerability and potential flashbacks from past partners ,,,,you are one of my sets of personality i admire
I usually don’t come across video’s that is relatable but I relate completely and at one point I felt very vulnerable. I appreciate your honesty.
I hope you're in a better place than I am 🙂
@@justcallmejon22 I am sorry hear that.
This is an extremely valuable video for me (an INTJ-T male). I sincerely thank you for sharing your experiences and how you feel. It's just a random and honest thought- maybe try to not pursue love at all. Sometimes we need ourselves more than anyone else, you know....
I don't pursue my relationships, oddly enough, they always come to me. I just keep the doors open😅
@@justcallmejon22 Surprisingly this is also what I have experienced. For some reason it doesn't work for me when I try to pursue romantic relationships. It's always the case that I'm busy with something important and I'm trying to focus on my project when it appears unexpectedly. It's very confusing to me 😵💫
I can't even begin to express how it feels to hear someone who also feels grief at timelines that will never exist. It hurts so bad.
You're not alone in that feeling, my friend ✊🏼
Thanks for sharing with us brother
🙏
Jon, YOU are such a blessing and a whole gem!!! 💛💛💛 Thank you so much for sharing all of your wisdom and being so brave! I'm so sorry that things have been so difficult for you, but I admire how brave you are to take us on this journey with you and for how you are trying to help others too! We love you and you are so so special! If you ever want a new friend, please let me know and I'll share my email. I love making friends! 💛
Thank you for the kind words! I'll make sure to reach out if I feel like I need someone to connect with 🙂
@@justcallmejon22 Absolutely! ☺️
HI Jon,
thank you for sharing your thoughts and emotions. Hope you are doing better now. I haven't been in many relationships, but the one that "broke" me was also with an INFJ. I am 35 as well and this break--up is almost one year in the past now. I am still thinking a lot about her and what I learned for this relationship. I fell it would be so much easier hating her and just leave this behind, but as you said yourself we INTJs cannot do this. So my resolve is to honer her memories (she's not dead) and will always use it as an reminder. I certainly did grow a loth the past year and I am very proud of the better version I became.
It seems like your still grieving, so don't let yourself down. It is ok to be sad and feel all the emotions, being vulnerable is powerful. Hang in there, the right person surly comes ;)
Best,
Tobs
I appreciate the support my brother, I still have hope that we'll find our forever person soon ✊
This is a great video. As an INTJ man in his mid 30s I struggle with close emotional relationships and find this video relatable. Definitely an area you should please do more of as it’s definitely my biggest weakness but one if the things I want, but always seems out of grasp and I can’t figure out 👨🔬
You just gotta put yourself out there man. As a person whose been through it, no amount of research will ever prepare you for a relationship. You just gotta learn it in real time. Good luck, my friend ✊
Great video! I'm so glad you decided to make this. I could really feel your emotions through this video.
I don't think there is anything wrong with making a list of qualities you want to find in a person and expecting to find that. In fact many people do that and claim that they ended up finding that person (Maybe they manifest it. Who knows? 🌚). Also, you do deserve to find the person that is perfect for you. Well, nobody is "perfect", but you deserve to find someone with the qualities you're looking for.
Based on what you were saying you've learned from dating the different types you mentioned, I'm wondering how the INTJ-INTJ combination would work? You would both be working with the same dominate functions and hopefully know to respect each other's Fi as well.
The older I get, the more I realize that I don't want perfect; perfect sounds boring. But I know that the person I end up will be viewed as close to perfect as possible. Know a single INTJ lady?! Hook me up 😉
Damn! Having my Fi ignored is also a huge problem for me as an INTJ. Thank you so much for this video.
Never ignore it ✊
Great video good for you. Being alone is not lonely it's peaceful. Only when you can be happy with yourself can you be happy with a partner.
💯
🥺this is so relatable, and some of the situations were exactly like mines
I hope you found your person ✊
:: hug :: looking forward to seeing what growth is to come from these questions you’re asking yourself.. I’m curious if you have mentors or guides.. or any kind of counselor to support and even give you some sage wisdom when it comes to the unseen realms.
Thank you! I have a lot of people that I trust to keeps me honest 😊
10:45 I am an ENFJ and do the same thing without being perceived as psychoanalysis and as you know people don't like to be diagnosed. My tip for you is to let them own their realisation; would you agree that diagnostic evaluation is your way of understanding the world and sharing insights is your way of showing care? You are probably giving subtle clues of diagnosing them without even noticing, the solution is to depersonalise your observations eg. "It sounds like you enjoy family time" vs "I can tell you enjoy family time". Notice it's also a statement that invites an answer, which helps break up the onslaught of questions that can be perceived as an interrogation. Hope it helps. Thank you for your authentic videos that show the full spectrum of INTJ, please keep sharing your insights, they're appreciated.
You ENFJs are so sneaky, I love it! I swear my ENFJ friends have slowly made me a more gentle person over time and I'm not even aware of it 😂
My heart goes to you ❤
Thank you 🙏
INTJ female. Love your honesty and vulnerability. I totally relate. Wish I’d met you at your age. 😊
Thank you 🙂
Back for round two. Goin to watch what I missed: ). Can you intj teach me? Let me take notes. I'm old and anologe also photographic memory. I like to write and take notes. Just learned how to screen shot! I missed out on so much: (. Going to your channel and catching up.
Dang it, Jon. Quit hitting all my traits so dead on, man! (Don't, though. The validation is so good!) We are attracted to the same types, and have exactly the same struggles with them. I feel all of this, and I am currently in an amazing battle to maintain a relationship with the greatest INFP. We will survive our therapies and growth to be the greatest of partners (long since been the best of friends and kindred spirits for years) or we will probably be more happily alone with our cats (and in her case dogs too). Forever analyzing our faults is one of the greatest and worst gifts for both of these types. I totally get why this was a difficult video. You are truly doing special work in giving voice to the true INTJ experiences in a totally relateable way. I want to, but can never find a way to put the energy I want to toward what you are doing. Just too many other things... Cheers! 🍻
Always happy to hear that my videos are making an impact. It sounds like you and your INFP partner have the same vision since you're both putting in effort to improve/maintain the relationship. This was a necessary video to make and tag me if you ever decide to make one of your own 😊
Loved this video, really admire your courage to be vulnerable here..
Its pretty cool how you’ve dated alot for an INTJ 😂
This is not meant as an attack, this is me Te-ing providing unsolicited advice - I reckon you gotta learn to tolerate/sacrifice either having your Ni Te or Fi ignored by the other type. As INTJs we are perfectionists and expect the same from our partners, and I think we need to accept that we cant have it all.
I also noticed youve never dated another INTJ, maybe give that a go? Although she will be very hard to find 😂 Or she might be like me - stuck in a marriage, too chicken to be single forever. Im married to an ISTP husband and oh boy the amount of patience and tolerance i have for him, i feel like im a saint, and he still thinks im selfish. He ignores ALL of my functions. He knows my Ni is weird, so he just ignores it or make jokes here and there about it, so the conversation doesnt really flow.
His Ti is so stubborn that he does whatever he thinks is right and I should just be grateful for it. Opposite to the ISTJ, my ISTP husband would book hotels last minute 🙄 His inferior Fe is so blind that he has no idea what goes on in my Fi 😢 Not to mention his temper - ISTP just cant communicate properly, they express their anger by smashing things..
I need to leave this marriage..
but im so scared to be single..
and I will only leave if the perfect man asks me to leave my husband 😂
Cos id rather be married to a “housemate” than live alone 😭
I think its easier for INTJ guys to find a girl than for an INTJ girl to find a guy.
Not sure about other INTJ girls, but for me, i need my man to be more intelligent and less emotional than me. Which is the main reason why I married my ISTP, cos hes so intelligent and smart in a different way, he makes up for what i lack.. but theres no mutual understanding/connection/communication.
Going back to this point: “i need my man to be more intelligent and less emotional than me.”
So that crosses out INFP, INFJ, ISFPs and ISFJs. Id never date an extrovert. Prob not INTP, cos dont want another inferior Fe 😂 I actually wouldnt mind an ISTJ i reckon.. a mature healthy one thats financially stable, cos like you said im in my 30s and my eggs are probably dying.
P.S. all my best friends are INFP, INFJ, INTJ, ISFJ and ISFP guys, but i wouldnt marry them 😅
Life is hard hey..
Yes, we *are* the problem.
Definitely takes me time to care deeply about someone and by the time that happens I'm already in the friend zone.
I'm right there with your my INTJ brother ✊
Hey there, always love your videos.
I actually wish you could make a video to evaluate your experiences with INFJs (yes I'm totally being egoistic here). I just keep seeing all these videos on how "spiritual, special, deep, guiding listeners" we are. I believe that actually could be harming for younger INFJs to keep watching, just because of how disconnected we are with our Fi. It's a bit like portraying INTJs as the Masterminds, totally ignoring our weaknesses.
I wish we could get to hear others truths based on their real interactions with us, get that smack in the face to be able to truly look at ourselves, and I believe you could do that in a good way. I know you have been touching on it before, but that was just a friendly punch 😏
Yes the truth can hurt, but we need help to evolve and you know it. Maybe someday you would consider it, it might benefit you in some way too?
Learning that we might be hurting the ones we love unintentionally hurts us more than doing it directly. (It's crazy how we think we are so selfless but just look at that sentence) 🤦♀️
I (INFJ) would that too
I always appreciate the support! I'll consider making that video but I'm more against it at the moment since my channel is focused on uplifting the MBTI community. It'll be made if I figure out how to keep a positive tone through out the video 😅
@justcallmejon22 Yes that's what I was thinking too, it's not an easy thing to talk about while making it sound at least ok. But I hope you will find a way that suits you, I would love to hear anything you have to say.
@@justcallmejon22it might be even more useful for INFJs, then all good words together. Because, relationships with INTJs feel really magical and it's such a big loss when two Ni doms fail to find a way to connect. This INFJ would very much appreciate your insights on this matter!🙏🙏
Goodness, thanks for being so open. This is perhaps the best video on the topic told by an INTJ.
I came here with a purpose of understanding my INTJ friend the best I can. Being an INFJ, I am now worried about this Fi-ignoring stuff. Because, on the contrary, I am trying so hard to be gentle with her, as I perceive her heart being like that of an innocent child. I want to cradle it and keep it safe. But the problem is, she expresses so little of her Fi that I just don't know how to do that. With no feedback, I feel like being unarmed. So please could you tell more about INFJ's ignoring your Fi? As I'm dreading to make such a mistake while at the same time I don't fully understand what to pay attention to within myself to avoid making it.
And of course I wish you to find your forever person. I think the key thing here is for both people to just decide, in their maturity and full awareness, to stay, to be with each other despite any difficulties. Just to decide this one thing but in its fullest. Express this determination to each other and then set off through the thick and thin of life together, with understanding and compassion.
Because I believe that this beauty that people tend to see in each other in the beginning of their relationship is not some delusion or a non-existing ideal of the person. No. I think it is the most real, most true image of a human being. We all should see each other like this and love each other like this. But we can't. The image becomes dirty and muddy with time. Yet the beauty is still there. It's just our own hearts get covered with more and more dust so that we lose our ability to see like we did before. We should remove the dust from our hearts, and we will be able to see all that beauty again.
I appreciate you learning more about your friend to become a better friend yourself. The issue is that our Fi doesn't seek to be cradled or treated like something to protect, it just needs to be respected. As counter-intuitive as this may sound, if you put too much effort into caring for our Fi, it makes us uncomfortable because our Fi values your Fi-value. By not showing us what you care about even if it's opposite of ours, how do we know that you actually care about us or just putting up an act? It spirals into those moments when we are vocal and not being listened to because Fe doesn't think it's important. There's a lot to it but my best advice to take care of your INTJ is to just be there when you're needed. We will come to you if we need you.
@@justcallmejon22 Thank you for your reply Jon. The advice you gave me just now and the information you share in your videos are so valuable. Thank you again for your guidance. I will do my best.
Even at 35 you are having the same issue I am having. I am 31. But you do what I do, project what is ideal Ni for the purposes of future security. You have to learn to let go. Your life is not written in stone and when you start to realize you are free from expectation, someone comes your way. On the outside, we cry like school girls but on the inside, it is a foiled plan. This is why I stopped learning to expect an outcome and start living in the outcome. It makes you better over time.
I agree that you shouldn't expect a specific outcome while dating but I'm also aware that I can't help but make predictions about our future together. It sounds like you're in a better place than I am in dating and I hope it continues to stay that way, my friend ✊
I've only had two relationships.... and like 3 situationships over the course of a decade(I'm 30). My problem is I realllllly dont put myself out there as a FEMALE INTJ. Also, I am a bigger woman( size 14, pear shaped) and the most recent situationship I was with an ISFJ, that ended 5 months ago. The main issue is i dont put myself out there because men dont take bigger women seriously like that, at least that is what I have seen and experienced myself. This is why I have been losing weight before I go back out there and date seriously again. I recognized to give myself the best chance at dating is to be more conventionally attractive. I want to optimize how many options I have available. I dont want people to see my weight first than me. I want them to just see me as a person, not a "big" person.
Hey fellow intj!
My ENFP self thinks you sound incredibly interesting.
@rebeccarey1719 thank you, but I just notice as a woman...being bigger stops people from seeing your personality. And I have also been on the side where when I was slimmer all men just saw was a pretty face and nice body, but it allowed me to have more options. I just wish I world wasn't so shallow, but that is the reality of it all. For me moral character then of course attraction comes later. My exes weren't the most handsome guy, but they treated me well we just ended because we were young and became inconpatible, but all my exes are great people tho.
Losing weight for dating that's not Intj.
@GIGADEV690 I've tested like 4 times as an INTJ. Actually, each time I get more and more true to an INTJ... My introversion is 90% rn vs 80% when I initially tested lol.
1) He and his audience are talking about dating, but that is not the only reason I am losing weight. I am originally losing weight because I want to improve my health, and my family has a lot of risk factors.
2) The reality of dating is being more conventionally attractive meannnsssss I have more options. Options that would have not looked my way because I'm fat.
3) I want to optimize having as many options as I possibly can before dating again AND FOR ME that is losing weight. I have already done the inner work, but i want my physical to match allllllll the inner work i have done!
4) The world is shallow, and looks get you in the door when it comes to dating, so if I lose weight. At least I get to exploreeee allllll the options I have available to the fullest capacity and make a decision in a partner that will be the best long-term partner.
5) When you are fat, it becomes sort of an identity. People see you as that "FAT" person, not just as "A" person. I want to be seen as A PERSON. I have had personal experience with this because when I am slim, no one comments negatively about my appearance. People adored my physical appearance. When I started to pick up weight family members I haven't seen in awhile the first thing they say " Wow you have gotten fat", " You need to lose weight", "When did you get this big". People making you feel awkward when taking photos or making fun of your photos. Also, I work a public job that deals with alot of people and when a person doesn't get their way they love calling me a "FAT BIH!". Or the occasional "Your face is so pretty you just gotta work on, you know..." from family and friends. So even insults and compliments have "FAT" ATTACHED to it. Therefore, I'm tired of hearing the word FAT come out of people's mouths to describe me. I just want to be me! Why is that so hard to accept?!
Edit: unfortunately not everyone can seeeee past someone being fat and look at their character. I do this with ease, but for many people this is not the case. People who are fat get treated differently in this society, and that is just FACTS!
Thank you for being vulnerable🌿
(You don't appear 35)
have you joined masterminds about what your Fi values?
I have noticed that paid for X skill to flourish led to know people that want to grow as a person too (I haven't decided to date yet, I want to cultivate soft skills before that)
I can see your uncertainty and I really wish you the best.
Being a Ni dom sometimes it is crippling to live, because being "unique" sometimes means you can't easily "be normal", which menas you can't with the people you want just because you decide to and that leds to a dark path if not careful.
I hope this situation resolves and you can find a wonderful soul as yourself 🍀
Thank you for the encouragement and support! My soft skills are pretty developed but I'll take a look at the group you mentioned.
@@justcallmejon22 good luck🍀
this year and next I am not enrolling in any kind of educational program that doesn't have any community interaction (+good client service, ofc)
Information is good, but I have to get out and live, byt at the same time Te is strong, so yes.
Joining programms is a good solution for me.
I did some but they were online with 0 human interaction and they were good, but if I want to evolve faster, I have to push the comfort zone.
So, yes good luck🍀
My first love was with an INFP, started at when I was 16. Continued for 6-7 years, but it didn't end well. I felt suffocated and lost my energy and ambitions. I was extremely loyal throughout but I always use to feel that she needs to work on herself for her lazy attitude. In those times I was blamed for being emotionless, cold hearted and careless. But truly it was the opposite but I couldn't express myself. I used to feel I've the problem until I landed on MBTI. It was a relief to know about myself and my INTJ traits. It took me sometime to heal and come out from that low zone after heartbreak. I'm 27 now struggling from analysis loop of a date happened almost a year ago where I rushed into things in contrast of my usual just to give it a chance once. Although, I got the intuition that she's not the one but for once I took the risk of going against my intution only to come to learn that it's never a good idea to take chances in matters related to heart even though I can myself believe the opposite.
I'm sorry to hear that it didn't work out with the INFP but I'm happy to hear that you've learned from the experience. We'll keep trekking on together, my friend ✊
I am a male INFP and when I confessed my feelings for my INTJ girl, and she cried after a brief moment. I did not acknowledge her tears (I really wanted to, but it was such an intense moment that I couldn't address internally in time as well) and taken a step back for her to find composure. I did respond to her tearful comments in a calm and detached but assuring manner since - I am very aware that INFP can smother the heck out of an INTJ. Really hope I didn't make a mistake; our boundaries are still platonic, but I can tell that we have become much more intimate after the incident.
Cute
Take your time. The INTJ will have no hesitation letting you know that she's not interested in you. Keep doing what you're doing and I hope the best for the both of you ❤
This is so eye opening for me, i noticed alot of my old friends would literally truma dump all there emotional baggage into me. And because of this it would make me super uncomfortable, not only am i a (IFTJ) but im also a Scorpio Sun and Cancer Moon. So im already a super emotional person as it is, so someone emotional dumping into me as i already have my own emotional problems again makes me uncomfortable. As iv gotten older i became a good listener but i also had to tell people im not there therapist, funny thing is whenever i tried to express myself about my own problems i wouldn't even get the same treatment in return.
I actually really like the INTJ attention to detail. My ex never remembered anything I ever said to him, so when an INTJ brings up something I said in passing and connects the dots I’m like
“Omg you listen to me and you care???”
INTJs always listen, we just tend to forget things just as easily 😂
I appreciate how you didn't generalize as if ALL INTJ's are this way. Although, I agree with you and realize I'm not weird, just different.
Different, but in a good way 😊
You should circle bad and do a video on how INTJ's process heartbreak when this one is less raw.
Unfortunately Ni can be like a magnet that repells more often than it attracts just due to the proportions of type representation out there. It doesn't make you any less lovely and those of us who connect over intuition are starved of it alot of the time. That's why I always watch your videos.
Also so much of the phase of life woes are so relatable. I read once that intj are less likely to let their emotions get the better of them an settle which is why infjs often marry sooner. You still have a chance to avoid alot of the complications that can dictate your circumstances and personal freedom. I could say I'd wish someone would have told me but in my case an intj actually did but I took it in the most harmful way and it backfired in the form of a bad rebound relationship just in the wrong way.
What do you make of an INTJ talking out of their a** during a breakup. Is it a bunch of hot air and what is the state this is coming from. Is their anything helpful that can be done at this point or should bystanders just duck and cover?
Answering your second question first. An INTJ that just got out of a relationship will be like any other human, emotional to the point where we will say anything to make ourselves feel better. In regards to how an INTJ process a breakup, I don't think that's MBTI related but instead all the mechanism a person learns throughout life 🙃
Been with my entp for a while I hope things keep going well
It won't if you remember to continue growing with your partner 🙂
I'm a 33 year old INTJ. My potential partner (we've discussed dating just neither of us is ready to date) is an ENFP. I'm definitely a tsundere. She's a deredere. She's 30 almost 31 and at minimum we work well as close friends. Also, she really understands that I NEED time to recharge and leaves me to it. She's also the only person who has gotten me to live in the moment. This video was great btw.
Happy to hear that you found an ENFP that accepts you for who you are! Whatever happens, I hope you give it your all my INTJ brother ✊
I am dating a 39 year old intj. He was single till 36 until I met him . I am a estp. Firstly your videos are soooooooo useful. Thank god for your videos. Secondly yes intj are sooooo difficult to be with. Takes a lot of accepting on both ends as intjs are so conventional and stubborn. I will be happy to discuss more if you need.
What's the toughest part of dating an INTJ?
He is so stubborn and refuses to give in to any pleasantries : example buying flowers, sending me to air port. Which I have now accepted. But to everyone else it’s just weird but the key is to accept him as he is.
It’s been 2.5 years we been together and we have not seen his parents yet ( also cos we live in different countries of both parents). It takes a lot of hope and patience that it will work out fine because it took 2 years for us to be together for him to say we are in a relationship and I am his girlfriend.
He is also not willing to share his feelings. The only thing he shares is “good”. I think on that part as an intj, you verbalisé way more :)
Si doms compliment my love language the most, quality time. thats what I love Si doms just do things together since I'm not physically expressive.
Exactly! Si doms are the best huggers in my opinion (which I'm aware is a stupid opinion to have) 😆
The different persona for different people thing is so real. Where I run into issues is when I have one person I’m close with in the group, I will end up being the “real” me, regardless of who else is there.
They're going to meet that version eventually 😅
I'm an INFP but I can somehow totally relate with what you said. I'd say I'm a bit more open when it comes to expressing emotions, though
INFPs are the cutest, I don't doubt your guy's ability to court someone 😅
@@justcallmejon22 Dated an intj and I never met a person that I could relate to so much on a spiritual and mental level but who at the same time, was very different when it comes to emotions. If I’ll ever settle down with someone, it will probably be with an INxJ type or another INFP. Cannot imagine anyone else who gets me on such a deep level and is also a weird loner.
I’m already 😢 at your Fi feels.
Fi in the child spot is the cutest and makes me want to drown them in a horde of cute, comforting bunnies. ❤
Too much Fe, abort, abort! 😅
Once you let go of it all, freedom begins and Te shines. I'm a proud single INTJ hermit crab 🦀
Aww Mr. Crab 🦀
That metaphor works in so many ways because I'm also crabby. I'll pinch you like one 🦀 🤣
@@MrRager1996 Don’t pinch me Mr. Crab… I’m an INFP 🥲
@@ssll8232 I don't pinch my favorite people and they all happen to be INFP
@@MrRager1996 INTJs are my favourite crabs haha 🦀
As an INFP who just broke off their first, long-term relationship and is having a lot of the same thoughts; I felt that.
I was dating someone with Fe and I agree. I just felt like after a while, I didn't really matter. Honestly I felt like my services (car, time, man-power) were being rented out to my partner's friends without my consent. At the same time, I felt like my biggest asset was going completely unappreciated. But they weren't a bad person. They were doing everything in their power to keep me happy, I just realized that they would be breaking their backs trying to meet my needs, and they would only ever be half met.
The other thing is that I'm suddenly very aware of the fact that no one is ever going to fully meet my needs. It sounds stupid, but as an idealist, that's painful to arrive at. I'm also aware that I have some major challenges in relationships which will either be extraordinarily painful to face and which may end up sabotaging a lot of relationships to come.
Even though my life is a mess in every aspect, and I am still hurting and spooked by my last relationship, reconnecting with my authentic self and who I am when I am alone is a breath of fresh air. I may be broken in some ways, but I have cultivated a psyche that makes it wonderful to be alive sometimes.
Watching you struggle with the same things made me realize that finding a lasting connection is a universal struggle, and also that that's life. It's bittersweet in a way, because it's so profoundly human.
One of the only person that I feel fully understands my pain in dating is an INFP friend of mine. We're both so different on the outside but we both want the same thing internally. I'm not sure what you went through during your previous relationships but I want to echo what you said, it's bittersweet to know that I'm not the only person struggling to find a meaningful relationship ✊
I like how as you go through your relationships, you also go through your function stack 😊
Si-Dom lesson: “I need to be accepted for my Ni”
INFP lesson: “I need to be valued for my Te”
INFJ lesson: “I need my Fi to be respected”
It's the easiest way to approach this video without my Fi going all over the place 🙃
Thanks so much for the video and for sharing all your thoughts. You totally called me out. Will definitely re-watch for reference, if the slight chance of a promising date presents itself.
On a side note, why is that a weird question at 10:19 ? Wouldn't you keep the flow going? Even more so, if you are interested in that person? Maybe it is me or Germans are bad at small talk. 😅
I don't know why it's a weird question but people have responded with, "I never thought about it before", and appearently I'm weird for thinking about it. Good luck on your dating life, I'm rooting for you ✊
I've come to believe the concept that, in this fleeting journey of life, the people in our lives come in one of two forms: Either gifts for us where we both enrich and add to one another, or as lessons, sometimes harsh ones... where the person puts us through a tough test where we emerge with a wound that then heals and allows us to become tougher, with thicker skin, and more mindfulness and wisdom. Heartbreak can be agonizing... Especially continuous heartbreak... so I truly admire your strength and willpower that shows up in your capacity to get up and try again :) The theory of multiple dimensions is an enticing one indeed, but I firmly believe, for one reason or the other, that the timeline we're walking through with our consciousness is the best one possible. We may imagine that certain other decisions would lead to better outcomes but I just don't think that's the case :') Nonetheless... perhaps it is our fault, perhaps it is not. There's one thing I am sure of, however... Everything will happen at the right time, in the right place. Whether or not we'll meet the one, or if the one exists at all is for the days to unveil... but until then, we have ourselves, a gem we'll continue to polish until the day that we take off from this world onto the next. Stay perfectly imperfect, Jon and everyone else :)
I like your approach to life. In regards to mulitple realities, I'd like to think that I'm living a life that another Jon is jealous of, so I can't let him down by not trying to live it the best possible way 🙂
@@justcallmejon22 A splendid way to look at it! We can only but do our best at any given moment/reality :)
Thank you for sharing!. Intj here also.
I believe that the right person is coming when we are at the right place in life.
Thats why we should always try to improve and work on our flows, but more importantly not be angry about ourselves.
And I agree with you that its more easier with N types who gets us. My favourite are Infp and Entp.
I have wanted to ask. How it is not hard for you to share publicly about yourself, we are a very private type..
Sorry abot the english, I am not a native speaker
Your english is perfect, my friend. I took an entire year to engage with my Fi so what I'm presenting in this video is only the tip of the iceberg. These are the things that I've learned to accept and love about myself so it's not difficult to openly discuss 🙂
Have you ever dated an ENTP? You describing the functions I think an ENFP would be the best match for you, but one that really has her own life. ps i absolutely love your channel, you're so clear in explaining things, and I wished there was an INFJ channel I felt the same way about. ps2: for me with INTJ it clashed indeed with Fe/Fi and Te/Ti; like constant Ni passionate stubborn discussions. There is a lot more but basically I could have lived with the differences (if he were healthy) understanding MBTI but he was too 'Te' too even 'believe' in MBTI f.e.
I would've believed in MBTI either if I didn't personally apply it to a problem that I couldn't figure out how to fix. Also, I'm open to dating any MBTI type but for reason, I usually don't run into ENTPs. Where ya'll hiding?!
@@justcallmejon22 Ne dominance is amazing to me as an INFJ, I bet you can also see truth in that 🙃 somehow all the ENTP’s I know I’ve met through a (friend ánd lover/) dating app or are or have been active on these. Specially more specific ones, based on interests like music or mbti. Might be their introverted side which they clearly also have. And they are pretty easy to spot… last one first sentence was “let’s talk about crazy shit. Then do some crazy shit together. Don’t bore me with your coffee date I already drank my daily 50 cups before 8am. Yes I am an ENTP”.. Just a suggestion (when you feel ready again (-:) Good luck 🤗
Single female intj 37 yr old here.
I dont want to date i feel good alone but i want to have someone eventually , the RIGHT one who is healthy, kind, patient etc.
I feel you, my INTJ sister. The right person will come, we just have to be open to the opportunity when it happens 🙂
Jon, I’m not one that typically volunteers advice very often but will now boldly do so now. Perhaps you will be happier (or at least consider) dating an INTP. As an INTP whom has been married to an INTJ for 20+ years. For starters, we are so similar and yet so different, thus still leaving is a lot of room to grow. When you want your alone time, is being the most introverted of all the types we will welcome, and in fact we will give you more than you have bargained for. My INTJ hubby has even accused me of being “the hermit” a few times. We both greatly value logic and critical thought, albeit we approach it in a different way with our Ti here; we don’t enjoy crying, or showing our emotions -even less than the INTJ, albeit we still make ourselves vulnerable with those we care about. Our weakness, or “sore spots, is that I tend to over explain, over think, ramble on and on and make my stores too long whilst greatly irritating and tiring my INTJ’s ear; whilst he will be too rigid and structured and distrusting and dismissive of new ideas and concepts.
Also very importantly, just like the INTJ, the INTP is intensely sensitive, greatly loyal; and it is for this reason that we will be hesitant to take the deep dive, -because we fall hard.
I'd be curious what your Ennegram types are and what they say or indicate about compatibility. As an INTJ Ennegram 1 I've dated other Ennegram 1's that were an INFJ and ISFJ. Ultimately Fi-Fe conflict was an issue to some degree with both but less so the INFJ. The short version of Enegram 1 is perfectionist. And honestly it is hard to imagine another IxxJ that is not an Ennegram 1 putting up with our bullshit of understanding what the right way is. I am by far not an Ennegram expert. However in the realm of dating, it was intersting. And I am typing the INFJ as Ennegram 1 not tested. She is the poster child for a 1.
@@jasoncox5505 My partner is that perfectionist INTJ Enneagram 1w9 and complains a substantial amount, and for an Enneagram 5w4 like myself it gets very exhausting.
I'm open to dating a person of any type as long as our values align. INTPs are difficult to find in the wild but I am open to the relationship 🙂
@@justcallmejon22Now that is definitely true! We do not grow on trees. Lol
@@justcallmejon22 absolutely right. MBTI types can successfully date any other types as long as both are mature enough to accept and appreciate each others differences.
When I got into MBTI I was expecting to understand people in the outside world more but all it makes me feel is a façade of myself or projecting myself. It is the same feeling asking people "hey, what's your sign?" If you want to relate, INTJ's declare authenticity as their highest virtue. There is nothing more virtuous than discovering that organically and using MBTI as a life lesson rather than social rubric. Otherwise, finding someone is like picking your favorite martial art. You only stay long enough until it gives you an uncomfortable deficit in cash when tournament season rolls around.
My Te really hope you'll give a try to an ENFJ, then report back your analysis in another video, so we can learn the insight first hand.
My Ni tells me it will be extremely appreciated by fellow INTJs as it may save a lot of time to figure things out ourselves, while we may never be able to experience everything ourselves. So insights like these are so valuable.
Of course my Fi also keeps telling me at the same time, that it may sound heartless to even ask you about it, but sorry, can't help it. The Fi just at the third slot. The Ni and Te still more important.
I'm open to dating a person of any type! I'm not trying to be but I'm not following the second half of your comment but from how I'm understanding it, never ignore your Fi 🙂
😄Merry Xmas
Hi i'm an ENFJ/ENTJ girly here. :) I attract a lot of INTJs because we both like intellectual conversations, but I never make it out of the talking phase with them. This is because i'm dating in my mid 20's so i'll talk to men in their mid 20's and 30's, most of these INTJ men approach dating using logic or in gaming terms "min-max" dating where they'll use minimum effort for maximum outcome-where they will date multiple women at once to use analysis and determine the best choice. But since I am ENFJ/ENTJ, i am intelligent and picky, and believe if the guy is too, he wouldn't be in a situation where he's entertaining multiple love interests. Because I am ENFJ, I still believe in "true love" and the magic of a soulmate, so I believe they cannot be the one or they would only have eyes for me from the start. Due to my ENTJ quality, I highly respect the time, money, and energy of whoever I am talking to (I won't go on a date with one guy then on another date with someone else) and get disgusted when I find out or suspect the INTJ is talking to another woman and doesn't have the same moral values that I do. I've only been in relationships where the guy made me feel like I was the only girl for him from the start even in the friendship phase. And since my mid 20's i've cut off multiple men when i see them following new girls on instagram or giving time to other women. As much as I like INTJ's and believe we would hit it off once commitment starts, by the time they are willing to share their heart I no longer want it. I'm looking for the top 2% only! ❤😂
Thanks ❤
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Yup.
I was lucky to find the right person on the first try. He was super patient and waiting until I was ready to open up. If I hadn't met him, I honestly think I would have stayed alone my whole life. I feel like I'm so different from other humans sometimes, even though honestly, I love being who I am and I wouldn't want to change for anything. It still remains difficult on a personal level for us intj
I'm happy that you found your person! I know how great of a feeling it is to look at someone and realize that you're accepted as who you are 😁