CPTSD Makes You Fill Your Life with Half-Relationships
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- čas přidán 5. 09. 2024
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One of the worst wounds a parent can inflict on a child is to not recognize them as distinct person -- not caring about their unique needs and their strengths, and not helping them to recognize these in themselves. If you were neglected in this way, one way it can show up is as "romantic clutter" -- a tendency to form partial relationships with people you half-love, who only partially love you. In this video I respond to a letter from a woman who has CPTSD, and for whom the pattern continues.
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You’ve changed my life and my relationship.
I know you say you're not a doctor or therapist (unbelievable) in your disclaimer, but you've helped me more than any psychiatrist or therapist that I've ever seen. Thank you.
me too
My doctor recommended crappy childhood fairy to me 💯🙌
Ditto
She has lived experience.
My sentiments exactly 👍🏻
CPTSD blurs the lines of love/lust/danger so much. Since our parents are typically the aggressor and we know in our minds that parents should equal love, we tend to conflate their toxic behavior with idealized loving behavior and we carry that notion into the dating world as we get older.
Anna, I’d like to thank you from the bottom of my heart. I cannot begin to thank you for the immense therapy you’ve brought into my life. A million thanks, you…your advice is worth its weight in gold.
I’m so messed up. I’m 66 yrs old and just found you. I feel like it’s too late to find true love.
My childhood was full of violence toward me by my mother. Wow. Childhood PTSD. Thank you for giving me hope. I didn’t realize that what I went through as a child was trauma. I want to heal.
Sincerely
Anna shared of a friend's mother who married again at 80. It's never too late ❤️❤️❤️
It's never really too late but once your efforts to heal lead you to a life where you finally occupy your rightful place in the world, no more self sabotaging behaviour etc, you'll feel great with or without romance - and that kind of confidence is like catnip for appropriate partners. Wishing you all the luck and love in the world. ❤
I'm so glad you found the channel! It truly is never too late and we're all rooting for you :)
-Calista@TeamFairy
@@CrappyChildhoodFairy thank you :)
@@storycharms Thank you 😊
When you are mistreated by your caregivers as a child, you are subconsciously primed to seek out that same mistreatment as adults. You think chaos and drama is normal.
Letter writer: "I did confide in him that I wasn't happy either"
CCF: "That's the secret handshake of people trying to have an affair" 😂👏
She nailed that ish!!
Sometimes we need to understand… some people come around to test us. That last guy was definitely supposed to be turned down immediately because the truth is, not only was his life in transition and unstable but also he was not making it clear what he wanted. These are chances life gives us to build strong skills such as being assertive and having strong boundaries. Not easy but its very important! I also learned this the hard way lol! I hope Bea finds happiness within herself and lots of Joy throughout her life!
I appreciate that you have a blurred background and no annoying music in your videos. I have ADHD and i cant watch many videos because of the audible noise and visual clutter in other people videos. Thank you for making your videos easy to watch and neurodiverent friendly. I love your work.
Glad to hear that! Thanks for sharing.
Nika@TeamFairy
I would like to add, that living with your spouse after you told them you wanted a divorce and also while divorcing is the the MOST dangerous time for any partner. It has a huge potential for violence and it not ending well. You can call the domestic violence hotline in your area and find out for yourself.
Be safe out there.
I've told both my therapist and our marriage coach about you. I credit a lot of my growth these last few years to your videos. I'm so grateful to have found them and you.
I'm so glad the channel has been helpful! Thank you for being a part of our community :)
-Calista@TeamFairy
This is why I avoid relationships and bury myself into my hobbies...
What hobbies do you have? If you dont mind
Thank you Fairy ✨ I really am appreciative of all your work and advice. Helps me feel like I’m not crazy nor alone
Oof this is helpful, but tough. I'm so desperate to belong that I just act pathetic which puts people off. I don't know how to act around people. I've had more oops situations and for the next few days I just wanna deflate and feel sorry for myself, before I pick myself back up and consider what I can do different, if I can salvage my connection to this group or if I should just see what to learn from this and move on.
But the mirror neuron thing is so real, I never know how to act like a person and how to connect. Eternal work in progress, it feels like. Thanks for all your help
"There is this fear for those of us who were neglected as kids that if we don't compromise, we won't get any love at all. " So very true and it can a long time to re-program one's beliefs!
I hope more people who watch these videos share them with those who need it. I want to spread the word and grow Anna’s channel!
I've been "growing into myself" for over 3-decades and I am still learning ... now with the help of Anna's vlogs. Thanks Anna!
This vlog reminded me of a quote by the poet Maya Angelou; "My great hope is to laugh as much as I cry."
I just had a good laugh at myself for something I did earlier. My journey continues! Best wishes to everyone!
Thank you for sharing this :) -Calista@TeamFairy
I was married to someone that sounded like her description of her husband( - the house rehabbing...I do that stuff.) For ten years.
Luckily, no children were harmed in our union.
My CPTSD makes me keep people at arms length... Sad😢...
It's so scary to let yourself be loved, but it's worth it. Little by little, but don't keep yourself from one of life's most beautiful experiences.
I was the same way for a long time, thought I didn’t need anyone else - for maybe decades (and I’m only in my 40s now) but I’m starting to let myself feel other people’s love/fondness for me, which I found difficult to do before.
Learning new ways to be is confusing and scary, and sometimes humiliating as I feel at my age I should already know that stuff, but it’s been worth it so far. Wouldn’t have been possible without therapy and moving out of my parents house.
One of the few real relationships I had was my boss in china. She was happily married, in a Chinese way.
Her husband was a rail policeman, so he was on a train four nights a week. There was no sex or romance. There was serious co dependency, but since it was only friendship, this was comforting. I am am old man and suddenly I had a mother and a granddaughter. I am truly grateful for this time and sharing.
❤Another great topic, tailor-made for me!
I look forward to your videos daily, as part of my Daily Practice ( after meditation)- the change in me and my life is incredible!
Today, for the first time in 6 months, I had NO FEARS to write about! What a wonderful gift; you are a lifeline to so many of us, thank you Anna, have a happy holiday season!✨✨✨👍👏👏👏
Appreciate your thoughtfulness, of giving a sincere review of that ladies story,xxxxxx
Stress the importance of self awareness & self examination.
Dear Mrs Runkle, I wish you a Merry Christmas and thank you for the wonderful work you do for all of us! It is so helpful! Warm greetings and have a happy new Year! Caro ⭐️🙋🏼❤️
Thank you for taking the time to comment! Happy holidays :) -Calista@TeamFairy
Dear Anna I just came to say you look stunning 😊😊❤❤
Anna, I am glad that you're there it makes me feel that the world still have good people. Do you think you have any tips on how to deal with the collective trauma we all witnessed in Gaza? I am from Egypt and my heart is broken. I feel it's like an added trauma above all other experience one can go through in his personal life. Any help please?
I hear you. Every day, including times when we are made aware of war and violence (which is in many places at all times), what we can do is rid ourselves of fearful and hateful thoughts that are always there (because we are human), but that can fester and grow into vicious, self-righteous and violent acts, that feel justified, so long as we are "high" on the fear and hate. I call it "the train." It goes from careless remarks that denigrate human beings, and then festers and builds. If you don't stop it the train leads to murder and worse. Get off the train! Self defense may be necessary, but refuse to engage in division and slander. Recognize the humanity and sacredness of each person everywhere. No exceptions. We are each unique, precious, each with our own story -- despite how people lump us into imagined groups that are convenient to their divisive beliefs. Be careful -- very careful -- not to do the same to others. It takes strength to hold on to your decency when people around you are losing it. When you speak, be fair, humble and honest: As individuals and as a people, we are dangerous when we base our arguments on weak, hateful and self-justifying ideas. It's nearly impossible for mere mortals like us to rise above it, but we must never stop trying.Take care of your mind each day, and seek to know where you, personally, can set your life right and be helpful to others. We all have to start there, or we risk bringing more chaos. When your mind is polluted with division and hate, you can't think and nefarious people can influence you. When your mind is clear, good answers come. Do your best. Get off the train. How I seek this is through the Daily Practice I teach as many people as are willing to learn. Free Daily Practice Course: bit.ly/CCF_DailyPractice
MERRY CHRISTMAS TO ALL❤ THANK U ANNA AND CHAT
Happy Holidays :) -Calista@TeamFairy
yess
Mistake in the title.
Thanks! Fixed.
Oh this video said FOR YOU! 👇
Glad you're here! -Calista@TeamFairy
How can i write to anna ? Please help
You can write to Anna here: bit.ly/CCF_Letters
Unfortunately, Anna is only able to respond to a handful of the letters she receives, but you are welcome to email us at hello@crappychildhoodfairy.com for further assistance :) -Calista@TeamFairy
Can I ask iv been in a relationship with man when I meet him he was married but been separated for about 10 years we now been together now 9 years on and off dose he count as married when he been separated for so many years Thanks would appreciate some help
Do you know for sure that he’s separated? I think a relationship is ok if he is, and doesn’t intend to reconcile with his estranged wife. Not everyone is able to divorce and if their relationship isn’t salvageable, they might as well both move on how they’re able to.
💘
👌🏽
How do I deal with the shame of having relationships like this my whole life? My family shames me for this even though they caused it and now I heavily shame myself 😢
Boundaries. Tell them that when they talk to you that way, you will walk away. Then follow through. Also, remember that blaming isn’t healing. If you are trying to get them to take responsibility, they probably won’t. You have to find healing without them.
@@winterroses2020the to heal from shame is to have compassion for yourself
I agree with he other commenters - they either don’t recognise their role in how you turned out, or don’t care. Either way, you need to look after yourself now and stop taking their *opinions* of you on. Their shaming could also a form of projection - more about them than you.