Is it ever OK to talk over a disabled person? [CC]
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- čas přidán 25. 07. 2024
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Hey. I'm 12 Years old. Fully deaf and I use a cochlear implant. It would make my day if you replied since you are my role model.
-Eli???? (can't say my full name)
Thank you for your lovely comment dear Eli🌸
@@jessicaoutofthecloset oh my god. Thank you so much! You are so nice. An actual youtuber who replies to comments? I'm shaken with happiness. Thank you Jessica!
I always enjoy your videos, and they are a great way for me to smile during a frustrating day. Thank you and cats can be scary.
argh! Twitter is giving me fits. I think I am following you there.
Educational👏Videos👏should👏not👏be👏demonitized👏
Here, here !
louder for the youtube execs in the back!!!
Careful now. Neo nazis make videos and call them educational too. Blanket policy and judgement is not a good idea.
PREACH HEATHER
Why did CZcams demonitize it??
I’m so sad CZcams demonetizes videos like this because everyone needs to be educated on human decency so thank you for teaching us!
I've never used these words in casual conversation, but every time I see Jessica the phrase that comes to mind is "exceedingly lovely."
She really is
Any time I'm thinking of buying a dress, you automatically turn up in a video wearing said dress. Either we both have impeccable taste, or there simply aren't enough vintage repro fashion companies. It's probably both. 🌈😘🙌
'In it for the long-haul Lesbian' is a glorious phrase.
Also cats are awesome, I'm sorry you find them scary.
This is kind of reassuring actually. So, I’m totally able-bodied, I have an anxiety disorder and some attachment issues but otherwise I’m pretty boring. I grew up with two disabled parents, one who had a physical disability and one who had a learning disability. I now work with disabled people, mostly those with visual impairments. There are times when I question whether I have the right to speak up about matters affecting them but actually if they can’t do it themselves then of course I should. For example, a lady I support uses a guide dog who people really like to stroke. She obviously can’t see them doing this and they often won’t ask if they can. So, I could keep quiet because maybe it’s not my place but actually, how are those people ever going to learn that that’s not ok? So, I’ll usually speak to the person directly but get the lady involved in explaining why it’s not ok (because clearly she has more knowledge). It ‘s also quite common that people will speak to me rather than her when we’re out and about, in that situation I don’t ever think it’s ok to speak for her so I just let her answer, and gesture to the individual that they should be talking to her. People’s ability and opportunity to speak for them self is really important and nobody should ever take it away.
It forever blows my mind that there are adults who don't know not to pet service dogs. I was taught that as a child, when I wanted to pet a dog in a store and my mom told me why I couldn't.
@@bridgetthewench honestly! Like, it even says it on their harness
As a sibling of an autistic person who has difficulty communicating, I want to thank you for including my perspective in your video. Great video, I found your points to be so thoughtful and nuanced!
Same! My brother is non-verbal autistic so I also felt validated. She's fabulous. x
I think there's a difference between speaking for someone and speaking over someone.
Absolutely. Advocation versus appropriation.
But she was saying if someone without the lived knowledge of a problem is trying to talk about it on the grounds that they fall under the same 'umbrella term' the person or people with lived experience absolutely has the right to speak over them and say 'in this case I am more expert than you, despite your similar diagnosis. '
@@shushia1658 the idea that lived experiences is somehow prefer to experts ignores that buttload of cognitive bias that humans experience and an inability to see outside yourself. One of the problems with self diagnosis too
The variability of disability (heh..) even happens within a single disability. I have Spina Bifida, and my level of physical and mental ability is widely different from the next person with Spina Bifida.
I have spina bifida too! I dont think I've ever met someone else with it!
I’m not disabled, but I have learned so much perspective and knowledge from your channel. Thank you.
Jessica will be the most ridiculously awesome grandmother ever some day! :D
A little late but I now understand that reference👵
I am in the United States, with a working disabled husband, and a disabled mother in law. I agree that nobody should be grouped together. Even though they are both disabled and a mother and son, they both have different illnesses and different struggles.
Patiently watching a five minute ad with the sound off waiting for Jessica ❤️
An other CZcams creater told me, that we just have to watch the first 30 seconds of the advertisment to make it count as watched. Does anybody know if that is right?
bellisperennis42 my understanding is watching for a certain amount of time works, but watching all the way through gives the most $
very good! I would add 1 more step: Do not accept "this person/ kind of disabled person cannot express themselves" at face value. Have the infinite number of possible modes of communication really been exhausted yet? The sad truth is, especially for people stuck in institutions, the care and attention has not been taken to support the individual in their communication. This can be due to lack of interest, imagination and/or resources.
At my special school, I was often asked to help translate what some of my friends with speech difficulties were saying because I took the time to listen to them. This was before speech synthesisers.
If you’ve met 1 disabled person, you’ve met 1 disabled person ! And definitely agree with you. I sometimes need my Husband to speak over me at appointments when I’m struggling to articulate myself. This has taken years for him to do this for me but the journey to appointments and preparing questions usually has depleted all my spoons before we even get there.
My mother and sister have asked me to go to her appointments and help advocate for her
Me to I have my grandma help me she does all the talking for my because I get so anxious and upset and all those things that I can't talk and if they try to make me I get so upset I end up crying sometimes to such a extent I end up with a break down that can last up to 3 hours after and I can't function during the break down and can't function properly after for quite some time
"And yes im using cats to symbolize Lesbians because SOME CLICHES ARE TRUE!!!" I felt that one, Jess! 😂😂😂😭😭😭
I'm a caregiver for my mother and it really helps to hear you say that caregivers live with the disability and/or illness as well. Obviously not in the same capacity as the disabled and/or ill person but in their own way. Its really hard for me to grasp that but its very very true.
And its validating to hear you say it thank you
I see this almost like the discussion I had with a fun fellow who was telling me that it was ridiculous that the restaurant we were at had ramps.
As somebody who is able but often have a stroller I told him to go shove it
I'm visiting my parents in another city right now, and they have a new development next door (supermarket/hotel/bakery/etc) and they had never realised how illogical the ramp placements were! its fantastic that they were there at all, but the ramp entrances were 25m away from the doors, and were hidden by garden beds and architectural elements. Have fun trying to find them i guess...
I agree. It is very common for people who have depression and anxiety to speak over other people who have depression and/or anxiety
I always come away from these videos unsure of what to say except, "Yes, that, exactly that, yes yes yes." Thanks for phrasing things so eloquently!
All sensible statements, I completely agree with you. I've run into things like that a lot with my having PTSD related to brain surgery. I've had people tell me "You can't get PTSD from brain surgery," and I've had people tell me "Well I had knee surgery and it wasn't a big deal, so you're exaggerating." I've had people on CZcams pretend to be doctors just to say that I was lying, that you can't get amnesia from brain surgery (which I did, I got severe amnesia from it, that argument had me in tears). It's been fun.
And I generally don't try to talk for others either. If I know something on another's disability it's from hearing it from them, and if I relay that information I always make sure to clarify that I heard it from someone's who'd experienced it firsthand and I don't try to pretend like one person's experience applies to everything.
And I'm sorry your videos are getting demonetized. That does surprise, but after hearing it.... it also kind of doesn't. Political corectness has gone way too far.
Reading your comment made me very sad. I have a migraine problem we're sorting out (not the same as brain surgery, I realize 100%) and being called a liar at the neurologist BY the neurologist made me down for a few days now. Brains are strange animals and have all kinds of effects on us. I can't imagine the pain and fear you've had with your amnesia and PTSD. I want you to know, as someone else with a defective brain, is that your feelings and experience is valid
SO MUCH THIS 💕 I'm so over being told by people with hay fever that all I need to do to fix my cold allergy is just take an antihistamine and put a jumper on. Just because they're also allergic to someone, doesn't mean they can speak over me when I tell them why I can't and won't take my mask off ❄️👏🏻
Mmhm. It's not a 'one size fits all' situation for sure!
Wonderful video. I have been caregiver for three different relatives (for a while, at the same time, and yes, very different needs and experiences with each one) and appreciate the point that caregivers do live the conditions along with their people. Not the same as having the conditions in our own bodies, no, but aspects as "are these stairs worth it, or do we find somewhere else if there is no ramp?" and saying, with complete love (and a medical proxy) "please speak to me, and I will respond as Loved One would , if they were able," to medical professionals, that stuff, we know. As with much else, love and respect go a long, long way.
I love your videos. I understand that they are your opinion but honestly as an able-bodied person I'm glad I have access to a plethora of information and also opinions to educate myself. 😊
As I watch this, my cat stalks me waiting for me to slip up and leave my food unguarded.
I think it's a very interesting & complicated subject, for me as an autistic person, (also disabled in other areas though), if non-autistic people are discussing autistic issues sometimes I would find the opinions of a person who doesn't have an autistic person in their life but believes in autism acceptance more valuable and helpful than those of a parent to an autistic child who spends every day of their life with an autistic person but doesn't accept them. This is especially prominent with autism specifically but the situation can be completely different for different kinds of disabilities. Nuance nuance, etc.
THANK YOU
That sounds like you just prefer to hear who agrees with you. Not even all autistics agree with the same term of "autism acceptance". Take the idea of a cure for example
People forget their manners. Talking over anyone is rude
I don't think she means literally talking over people, I think it's more referring to people who voice their opinion and claim it is more important/relevant/useful than the disabled person's opinion.
CZcams is so dumb for demonetising videos like this. Hope it stays up cause I love it ❤️
Maybe you're being demonetized because CZcams is actually run by cats?
Shhh you can't go around telling our secret like that!!!
It's a cat-spiracy
@@me4901 omg
Cats aren’t that mean. Humans are far worse than cats.
Im heterosexual, cis gender, abled and yet here i am a heavy subscriber and LOVING the educational videos (well, your whole channel and vibe, really)!!! I use all of your videos as ways to learn about the varying flavors of LGBTQIA+ and varying degrees of disabilities and their tolls on the humans who live with them (and the humans who love them. Snaps to Claudia!) every day. Keep these coming, demonitization is SOME SUCH TOSH!!!!
You mean LGBT? what's LGBTQIA lmao
@@novothesia1619 No, LGBTQIA+ is correct. It's more inclusive: Queer, Intersex, Asexual. Also LGBTQ+ is used widely.
@@EricaGamet just keep it LGBT. its easier. Keep the original form.
@@novothesia1619 Yes, let's just ignore those people that fall under those other terms because it would just be easier. And easier for whom? 🙄
@@EricaGamet for everyone to actually say. It's easier. :)
This was a very interesting watch! Thank you for taking the time to make this video. The issue of who gets to speak for disabled people is always a complicated subject, and I think some people tend to see it as too black and white sometimes. It was refreshing to see someone actually clearly explain the nuance of the situation.
And as an autistic adult myself, I really appreciate you pointing out that just because some parents have autistic children, doesn't mean they can shut down autistic adults. Thank you, you're always such a delight to see in my subscription feed!
I’ve been really loving that you title your videos as questions. It forces me to ask myself, and if I don’t have a confident answer, I click!
I am the mother of two disabled children and even within the SAME disability there are differences! This video absolutely rings true! I NEVER speak as to what other’s experiences are or may be, and dislike it when others speak as to what I “should or should not be doing” for my children. Fantastic video❤️
"If it's not your lane, you just stay out of it" I love it!
Thank you for including your point on healthcare professionals. It was very validating after a very frustrating endo visit today with a doctor who clearly had no understanding of what it is actually like to have type 1 diabetes. I always love watching your lovely videos.
Ok, I gotta say that you scared me at first. When you said "talk over", I pictured a disabled person and an able-bodied person talking and the able-bodied person starts raising their voice to be heard over the other. As in interrupting just because they could. Glad you cleared it up lol. I agree with your view point here.
HOW DARE YOU NOT LIKE CATS
(also your points were very good, great video)
THEY'RE SO FLUFFY
Totally agreed (but she’s forgiven😂)
Her voice has changed from a year or 2, it sounds so much more elegant and confident
I appreciate that you did make a point to say that no one should be speaking over those who can't speak for themselves. A common issue is that some people assume that those who can't speak for themselves also can't think for themselves. That leads them to saying their personal opinion rather than using their knowledge in combination with their patients opinion. There's other ways to communicate without verbal communication.
However that's usually the case with people who aren't caretakers. Most caretakers seem to understand that their patients are still human beings with thoughts and feelings.
When this popped up on my notifications, I thought it said “Is it ever okay to talk TO a disabled person?” That’s what I get for only half paying attention.
Palpable relief when, at just over a minute in, you said "Yes, yes it is". My partner saves me so much anguish by filling in the words that I can't come up with, especially in time-sensitive public situations.
I was expecting this to be a 3 second video where you just say no and then the video is over.
Would love that "because gay" merch but im not out yet, and it may make some people just a little suspicious...
feel you
We need more innovation and accessibility to allow non-speaking disabled folks to communicate for themselves.
Because at the end of the day, I'm just never going to trust the parents/caretakers of disabled folks as much as I would an actual disabled person.
I love your metaphor with the cats and dogs. That's such a perfect description.
The hot take of this video is that Jessica is actually my grandmother and honestly I’ve never been happier
I always put on your videos in the background while I work because your voice is so relaxing and what you talk about is so interesting!
I get so excited every time you post a new video. It brightens my day.
you are literally the prettiest girl ive ever seen omg
Good thing is that the other day I re watched some of your older videos that had been demonetized at the time, and there were ads.
On the other hand I guess they don't pop up in recommended for people that are not already subscribed. Well, keep up with the good work anyway, Jessie, and we, the lovely people, will always be there to watch !!!!
I love your videos, I'm a student nurse so it really helps me. I can't wait to wear your merch uk
the best grandma
hi! able-bodied person here. also the able-bodied sister of a younger brother who had a severe speech impairment for the first 9-10 years of his life (severe as in i was one of the two only people who completely understood him). i don't talk about it much in my daily life, it just doesn't get brought up much. last year during social studies we were discussing whether disabled people should go to the same schools as able-bodied people and i talked about my brother for the first time during class. none of my classmates or my teacher had ever seen what kind of strain such discussions place upon parents or siblings. so i talked about how hard it had been for my mother to have every person who thought they were allowed to talk about what school my brother went to - whether that be teachers or doctors -, criticize her every choice. i talked about how long my parents discussed whether my brother should go to a secondary school for kids with speech impairments. i talked about how hard it was for me to see that rarely anyone put in any effort to understand my brother. how could they not see what a carefree and happy child he was? no one in my class was disabled. i'm not disabled. i wouldn't even think to talk over disabled people when talking about topics i'm not familiar with. but i am familiar with this topic and i think no one can take talking about it away from me. thanks for the video, you put a lot my feelings into words :)
This reminds me of a friend of mine with a disabled sister. When they were little he was very much her voice. Now they are adults and speak together with lawmakers on behalf of disabled people!
First off, thank you yet again for another informative video
Disney-Marvel needs to grab you up. Every time i watch one of your videos i feel more like you are the superhero we need right now
I think there is one situation where the "ally" human speaks instead of the said marginalized human when they are present.
The best way I can describe it is where the target group human has just become too tired to speak up for themselves and where they feel scared to impose on people so the friend or loved one speaks up for them. Let's the person know that comment wasn't okay or something like that. Because they know it hurt their loved one but their loved one feels like they don't want to be any trouble.
I love your videos! They’re always very educational and positive 😊
I'm from Guatemala, I have epilepsy and I'm so happy I found your videos :D they always bring a smile to my face. You are indeed a lovely person :)
i will always love how nuanced your answers are to these 'highly demonetizable videos' (which why youtube WHY). you really look at a wide variety of perspective and stab the topics from all sides it's fabulous and really gets to the nitty gritty of these ideas.
You are a delight to listen to and watch. You are incredibly resilient and bring optimism to the challenges of life.
And I am a grandparent of teenagers.
This makes so much sense, and I completely agree. It’s a shame so many people don’t seem to realize it.
These educational videos are so helpful and necessary in our society! How you explain things is so understandable, funny and confident! Please come in schools! 😀
Yes!!! Also maybe sometimes I'm just too tired of constantly living my illness, maybe I just want a break and don't want to explain yet again what's wrong with me and what my needs are to yet another stranger, so if one of my friends/family wants to swoop in and deal with all that crap, I am more than happy to lay back (heh, POTS humour) and let them do the talking
also,
you put this in such a great perspective, i've already agreed with you before i've watched the video, and still, you explained it very well
Jessica is the best grandmother ever lol
I would love to see a wardrobe tour, you fashion is something I really adore!!
👏👏👏 Love to hear your perspective, thanks for sharing
I whole heartedly agree with this. As someone with physical and mental health issues I appreciate when I am able to argue for myself, however there have been times when I wished that my sister or fiancé or brother would have spoken up for me because there are times when I need things and simply don’t have the capacity or spoons to speak up myself. Always have discussions with your disabled friends and family to learn when and what they need/want from you.
Absolutely love this! And as a nurse, I wholeheartedly agree with your comment on healthcare professionals. There's no way we could possibly know as much as the patient about their own condition and experience with it, and I take every opportunity to learn from my patients about their condition and how it effects them personally. Love your videos ❤️❤️❤️
Another fantastic video! 👏👏👏👏 (and dammit CZcams, stop demonetising excellent content!!) Wish I could afford to join the Kellgren-Fozard club, would love to support you and your content further but can't at the moment.. hopefully in the future! Good ol' expensive disability living costs, eh? 😂
So I watched a vid from you 3 years ago and I thought your English was amazing, I thought it would have gotten slightly worse over time but f me it’s gotten so much better, keep it up your vids are great
Great insights to this discussion.
A lot of the times these topics are so nuanced that it is hard to even have a conversation about them. Thanks Jessica for your very kind and considerate thoughts on this! 😊
I agree with your take on this! It can get really tricky navigating these discussions sometimes. You summed things up really well, though!
This was a very informative and well articulated video, thanks Jessica!
This video is so important. Thank you
You put that perfectly hun. Tell Claudia we say hi from the US.
That is so well said! I have encountered too many people that say " well I have depression too but I didn't get a student loan because like a hard working person, I worked and studied at the same time! You are just lazy!" ugh!
This made me chuckle in all the hilarious sarcasm! 😂🤣👍🏻
I love how you pointed out that living with someone with disabilities is still way too different from living with the disability yourself.
Your videos are always great! ^^
I for one welcome Jessica as my new overlord - I mean grandmother!
I will gladly accept you as my new grandmother! The points made in the video were so articulate and i'll definatly be showing some people who dont seem to understand this! However, poor cats!
“I’m a gay, homosexual, rainbow 🌈 blooded, lady loving, in it for the long run lesbian” is my new spirit animal, favorite phrase, and profile description everywhere from now on LOL . Thx so much for this treasure Jessica!
Thank you Jessica for making these amazing and helpful videos!❤😀
Thank you for watching!
@@jessicaoutofthecloset oh my! ❤ you
Thanks so much for talking about this. I have lupus and the worst thing is when I need a motorized shopping cart at the grocery store, but I don’t see any available and have to ask. Some employees will say, “Look, you’re walking. You don’t need one.” 😒
Hey, I was wondering, have you ever talked, or would you be ok to talk about internalised ablism? :)
I know this is off topic, but I just have to say that your hair is looking extra lovely today! Beautiful Jessica! 😘
The shilling was on point, can I just say 👌
Lovely, informative vid as always, Jessica
*153 VIEWS!!!*
I'm so happy I'm early. To just be able to relate to an older deaf person.
Always answer all my questions!!!
You’re exactly right! I often need my husband to speak about my epilepsy because I don’t remember what happens at the time.
Eloquent, educational and excellently argued. EVERYONE should watch this video.
Love this video. I'm glad you brought up the point on who can speak on someone's behalf because that's one of the issue's I'm currently facing with my autistic brother. He can physically look after himself to an extent but doesn't understand things like how money works. The only person who can really speak on his behalf are those with his best interests in mind like the rest of the family and his social worker. We sort of have to speak over/for him but his situation requires it.
Your disability and situation are completely different. You know what's in your best interest so having your family speak for you without your permission is rude to say the least.
Thank you for all of your education videos. I understand and learn so much from you!
I, myself, do not have any disorders, like people, including you, talk about. Thing is it is nice to have that extra little info. As I don't have disorders, I can still understand others better and know more about the world.
I thank you for these videos that should not be demonetized. Education is important and even for people who don't need to know it in their daily lives, it still is important to know.
(P.S. You are one of my biggest role models! Love from the U.S.A.!
Excellent, nuanced video!
Excellent video! I always love when you rant like this! And yeah, that cat stereotype is true! I remember you mentioned your cat issues in a video a few years ago, so I wasn’t shocked this time! (4.6 views and I still had ads!)
I agree with EVERY point in this video - particularly the "doctor who's been studying my illness for x years, knows less than I who've lived it for y years"! One of my best experience with doctors was when they actually acknowledged that - when I had a surgery followed by a myriad of complications that they couldn't figure out for 2-3 days they literally asked me (13 y.o. at the time) and my mom "How would you personally resolve this?" and then listened to everything we said and did that and I was luckily all better. And that was in one of the best hospitals in the world with very specifically trained doctors for my specific diagnosis.
That is fantastic!
Jessica I love your hair in this video!! I have no idea how to create that kind of look but I'm going to try
Also wonderful video, it was awesome to hear your point of view on this