It is amazing how much of other people's mental energy and lives drug addicts can suck up , mainly due to their incessant lying, deceit, and lack of respect for anyone's healthy existence, boundaries or finances...and the existence of this video is just one example. So many people are sucked into " how can I/We solve this".
Not to mention, when someone is addicted, they feel so bad about themselves that they need someone else to blame so it makes themself feel better. Any trauma that has happened to us, we can almost find someone to blame for it. Then the loved one feels responsible and they will not bother the addiction person as much. It's called gas lighting 101.
I was abusing pain pills for about 10 years. I hated my life, I wanted out but I felt trapped and I was scared to take the steps to free myself. I absolutely have trauma but I did not know that then. I had no idea how much stress I had lived under until much later. I got sober on my own about 8 years ago. I then made changes in my life. Dealing with everything I have since learned has been traumatic but I never wanted to go back to using a substance to cope. I believe fear of living a full life and taking responsibility for ourselves can be part of some people’s reason for abusing substances. All substances are about escape. Reality is scary especially if we feel ill prepared to care for ourselves and we do not have the help or resources to see a way out. Fear of death also cripples a lot of people, which ironically drives them to do things which will hasten it. Acceptance of reality is critical to living a life that feels good.
I couldn't do live today but wanted to note....you are sooooo right. All addiction is NOT caused by trauma. For me the trauma came AFTER the addiction and almost all BECAUSE of the addiction whether directly or indirectly. My wonderful parents raised 2 daughters. I'm talking upper middle class upbringing, given all the love and attention we could possibly have wanted, educated, and given every opportunity in life. We literally could not have asked for a better family, not just my parents either but entire extended family on both sides. Yet both of us still became addicts, bad addicts. Opiates and cocaine and a partridge in a pear tree. I can't speak for my sis, her story is her own. But for myself I can tell you exactly why I used and why for better than half of my life I fought this battle. And that is simply that I do NOT like feeling my feelings. And because I hate feeling my feelings the universe thought it might be amusing to make me an empath to a nauseating degree. So when I'm clean I feel my own feelings and everyone else's, even commercials can be unbearable. It's a nightmare. Learning to deal with it without dulling everything down is very, very hard. But it can be done. I've learned almost anything can be done, if you truly want it
Thanks for weighing in Heather. I really appreciate that. A lot of people think that a person can't possibly get addicted if they have no trauma. But I see lots of people who get addicted and don't have more than the "average" amount of adverse experiences.
the universe is not to blame, either. we pick our lots in life. i, too, am sensitive but that's just something to notice, not to overtake our lives, and it's a gift. feelings are just feelings and will pass. you get to look deeper into situations and tune in deeper. someone told me once that when i get spiritually stronger, i will notice those feelings, they called it ecstatic awareness, but they won't affect your state of well-being. getting stronger and stronger.
Thanks for sharing about your story about being an empath and feeling everything to a nauseating degree, that’s me also and it is even physically painful. I don’t have issues with substance abuse but I isolate because of dealing with intense feelings and anxiety. I’m here to learn about addiction because I have adult AS and AD.
i hope you find ways to protect yourself from all the noise (flying feelings) around you. it's wonderful you're so sensitive, a gift, and i've seen plenty of online info about how to shield yourself so that you can feel what's going on without taking it on. it can be done. i feel it's highly tuned compassion.
I came to that conclusion with my daughter too. Interestingly enough, she hardly ever mentions the real trauma which is the car accident, but instead awfulizes the little petty things from her childhood over and over again, and as her drinking progresses, they become more colorful and acquire more invented details.
I got addicted because I wanted to cope. I wanted to numb. I wanted to pull myself out of my abused body. Than it was a habit. Than a lifestyle. Now I am 4 days sober it is a lot.
Yes!!!!! Absolutely agree. Totally with you. Well said and so glad someone has finally said this on a public platform. There is way too much emphasis that all addiction and problems are connected to childhood trauma and nothing said that the addiction is exascerbating and messing with all these memories. I am so glad you have said all this.
I dealt with my PTSD, but my addiction never went away until I dealt with my addiction. Also. Addicts lie. My mom blamed my friend for interducing me to weed and alcohol.
As a example- my niece blames childhood neglect for her addiction.. meanwhile neglecting her own children. Its funny she can so easily blame others for her problems while taking no responsibility for the pain she is causing. We need..Less excuses. More responsibility.
You are the only one I can relate to. As a nurse I have doctors constantly telling me there isn’t anything I can do. You , however, you have shown me there is plenty I can do. Be loving or keep my mouth shut.
I completely agree with you. Gabor Mate’s theory about trauma are only part of the story. Research scientists have discovered other risk factors for substance abuse like mental illness which makes the person more susceptible. My daughter was one of those people and the other contributing risk factor for her was her Dad who abused a substance, too. My loved one had a happy childhood.
The reasons for addiction not just being based on trauma/mostly not makes so much sense. I really like Gabor Mate too but was struggling w his focus on trauma. Especially w my son - like Amber says about clients coming from a highly functioning family … my son is from a good family. and the stuff he focuses on as trauma is somewhat small bullying/seems to me same as what all of us have dealt w as part of our adolescence. So it makes sense to me that he keeps over focusing on it as part of his addiction. Sometimes I think some of the counseling in various programs he’s attempted to get sober might overly focus on “trauma”.
I agree with you. One story I read is that AA in the US lobbied to have alcoholism listed as a disease in order to get govt medical funding. It automatically removes any responsibility from the addict. Congratulations 🎊
I just missed the live . As always there is content that speaks to what is specific to my sons addiction and the journey within it. Thank you for speaking about any relation with trauma. I too like Gabor Mate but every situation is different, my son has experienced a lot of trauma and he does talk about it a lot and I have wondered if after a while it gives permission to self medicate which then leads to more trauma because the lifestyle connected to addiction. He was homeless for five years was stabbed almost lost his life and additional trauma from this. It’s all so overwhelming but I am so appreciative to you Amber for helping us all through these times if adduction with people we love ❤️
He sounds just like my son! Mine is still on the streets using fentanyl despite being stabbed in the back and his lung collapsd, homeless, etc. It's a vicious cycle. I agree with your comment that it seems like they've given themselves "permission" to continue to use, which causes MORE trauma! My son admits he chose to use to avoid feeling all the sadness and doesn't wanna face life sober. He just turned 33yrs old and he's been on the streets for nearly 4yrs and I don't know what lies ahead but it's so sad to watch your child go through it. I hope your son is off the streets and off the drugs! 🙏
@@jenniferandrews8449 I really feel your hurting heart wow so many horrendous similarities . My son is in housing now but active addiction . We do have open conversations and it is my prayer that he will choose a different lifestyle but fentanyl has him very frightened to go through withdrawal and what comes after . We must not give up . I’m so sorry you are experiencing this heartbreak
My 16 year old is in group home for kids with mental issues. She’s been there for 8 months with ZERO progress. They keep digging her ‘abuse’ stories while she still keeps going with her addictions and blocked every single person from her previous life. Unbelievable, once amazing kid, athlete is heading to the street and countless therapies did not move the needle at all. I dont recognize her anymore. Hopeless!!! 😢
Never hopeless but the road to recovery can be a long crooked road. Very painful and frustrating experience for parents. Don’t give up keep working on own addiction knowledge and skills.
Is part of it that it lowers a person's inhibitions in general? The same way a person wouldn't normally talk about something embarrassing, or tell a friend's business, or dance on a table, they wouldn't talk about a trauma or resentment while sober. Maybe it's the inability to process the feelings in a constructive way that keeps the cycle going. The substance use may have been the break the person had from suppressing those feelings. People don't want to talk about the substances that cause these problems in positive terms, but if there was no positive aspect, the person wouldn't do it. Maybe you just have to accept the fact that you can't fix what's already happened.
Hi from Australia ❤ ...we'll never cancel you Amber! We have a massive intrenched drinking culture here. We not only celebrate with alcohol, we celebrate alcohol itself. Only half the world drinks. Do we think the half of the planets' population that doesn't drink experience no trauma? No ups and downs of life? My sister was put to the top of the list for a new liver. (I moved 4000km to care for her. She treated me like a piece of dirt.) My brother is an alcoholic too. They both blame others for the trauma that drove them to "self medicate". I blame our obsessive drinking culture and a teenager's need to fit in with their peers. Both my sister and brother drank to excess since 16 or so and acted like they were heros for being able to 'drink someone under the table' or 'handle their alcohol' etc. They wore it like a badge. Too many invested interests are making an absolute killing (including our Governments) on alcohol sales. We need to stop normalising excessive alcohol consumption and reject the false 'fact' that to have real fun you've got to drink. Because the truth is, once the party's over, alcoholics are not fun. (and cost our society an absolute shit load)
Question: My husband is so called “functional alcoholic” i was wondering if I’m a part of slowing down his unmanageable life process as I’m taking care of our home as a housewife… please help ❤
@@janeviscolosi6455 in my case, he’s been hospitalized with pancreatitis twice already and other health problems, so that on its own are kind of huge. I mean it’s life and death and he realizes that. It’s just matter of time until his body can no longer handle toxins.
I suspect you are right - ppl who are depressed tend to have more negative thoughts and memories than when they are not depressed - it’s like their brain chemistry is kicking them when they are down. My dad had an alcoholic buddy and refused to be around him when the alcoholic was drinking. Another mutual friend thought my dad needed to know what tragedies the alcoholic had in his life and ended by saying ‘…and that why he drinks’ and my dad’s replied with something like ‘His poor coping skills are why he drinks, and his coping skills aren’t going to improve and he is not going to gain any perspective as long as he keeps drinking’ This has stuck with me. I know ppl living with an addict probably have a more nuanced take
My husband’s alcoholism, started with a recent trauma. In our first year of marriage, he was bullied in his job. He was thrown on a project, which was entwined in a lawsuit, when he was not experienced in his job. It was abuse levels of unfair. Then he got in the habit of drinking to resolve it, then became dependent. So no old trauma, and he doesn’t even recognize that that situation spurred the drinking initially.
I see the genetic hereditary factor in relation to my AS and AD and of course the AH and so many family members going many generations back and also with several people I know and there is a lot of substance abuse/addiction in those families. With my two, AS and AD the childhood trauma was extreme from the behaviors of their AF , so I see a lot of the perspective of genetics playing a huge part in repeating the substance abuse behaviors and the environment; which makes me think of the saying that genetics load the g*n , environment pulls the trigger. I am continually educating myself so that I can do the correct ways in hopefully helping my two adult children recover. I’m here for them. Thanks to all who share their experiences.
it is very easy for humans to be addicted- not only can you be addicted to drugs, but other things like money, materials goods, dancing, eating, high risk activities, adrenaline, sex, and anything that makes one happy.
7:58 I COMPLETELY see this in alcoholics! Interesting topic of your video, because I heard about this before - I may have heard it in a Soft White Underbelly episode an addict explaining this and I also saw it mentioned in an article somewhere a few months ago.
Great conversation. One thing Dr Mate made me think about was my pregnancy- I was severely sick ( threw up 80 days in a row) which I believe cause me to produce a lot of cortisol… I was so afraid of what each day would bring. My child was colicky and hence I was still producing ( imo) cortisol and adrenaline- I was nursing and finally stopped at 6 months. My child was very very active and impulsive. Thrill seeking- and ya know I have to wonder if my pregnancy had an effect on that. I’m not blaming myself, but I can see how that would be a trauma passed along In utero, and as an infant. He’s had mental health crises and addiction most of his life. 33 years old. Anyway- I listen to you all the time. I respect yours and others ideas because addiction is complicated and different for everyone. Add mental illness and it’s extremely hard to treat as they don’t see what we do. Thank you for putting out great content.
Thank you for answering my question concerning addiction being like stockholm syndrome, i asked it because i listened to another professional with a youtube channel like yourself to get a second opinion, he recently made a video i watched which completely turned my view of addiction upside down, and it reminded me of your channel, so i thought you might be interested. I watched the video from "Sam Vaknin Can Addiction Be Helped? (Mexico City Lecture)". He's a bit controversial but i thought you might be interested, Thanks for all your help! :D
She is damn right. Addiction is not necessarily caused by trauma. My brother grew up with every possible advantage with very loving parents and he still got addicted to meth due to his excessive partying lifestyle. He just enjoys the high meth gives him.
I have brought both my boys up tye same and am in recovery myself ive been very concious of not playing favourates however , my eldest whose the addict just has the genetic make up for addiction he has ashd , and asd and doesnt feel comfortable in his own skin he is restless irritable and discontent .i hope there is hope for him to one day get into recovery its so sad 😢
Only if you think they'd agree with the information in the video. Please don't send a video that is designed to confront the other person. Let them find those videos on their own.
I always feel like the first thing to do is to get to the core reason behind why the addict is using first and go from there with the tools to recovery.
Thanks for talking about this! My brother has been using meth for about 4 yrs now. He is also schizophrenic. Diagnosed pre-meth. My parents were at one time starting the hope for family programs, unfortunately they didn’t put much time into it and I believe now they see it as easier to continue their old patterns. Verbatim, state “this is the way he is and always will be” and attribute his very obvious meth-fueled behaviors to disordered mental health; and not the addictions. He keeps getting worse and they still don’t see it. In fact, it’s now more ‘normalized’ and they are now better at concealing his terrible behaviors from everyone else! He treats my parents like total shit and will say anything to try to guilt them, blaming them for everything still. He practically sucks the life out of them and it’s shocking to see the degree of what they’ll put up with from him. Endless time, money, anger, contempt. My parents are exhausted and angry all of the time. I’m not sure if my parents understand how miserable they are over it or how badly it has damaged, or even just has hindered their relationships with everyone else in the family. Myself included. I worry about not just now, but I worry more for after my parents are gone. (Provided he doesn’t go before they do and this behavior / use etc continues as it has.) No one should endure his abuse. It’s super sad. I’ve stopped preaching to them and it helps me, at least. I guess it just isn’t bad enough yet for them to make their own changes. I should probably make an appt with you or Campbell lol. Thank you as always Amber ❤
Dr amber (using words to heal) did I get addicted cos I always lived in a make-believe world, where fantasy is on top of reality, even if briefly? In need of feed-back, pls.
I absolutely know that you don’t have to have experienced trauma to be an alcoholic-addict. My daughter has always said (and she’s not in denial about this) but that she just liked the feeling that drinking and now drugs brings and it was never trauma generated ever. At this point of 25-30 years in to her lifestyle she has certainly experienced trauma because of the addictions. But she sure has had many therapists try to insist it must be!
Amber !!! Your videos have been very helpful to me. I need your assistance; my boyfriend is an addict who intermittently uses drugs. Initially, he also had issues with alcohol, but he has been completely sober from alcohol for the past 2 years. He is currently experiencing severe withdrawal symptoms. I am seeking your advice on the medical aspects of this situation."
I can’t really advise on medical interventions because I’m not a doctor, but if you’ll tell me what he’s withdrawing from I can try to point you to some resources
@@PutTheShovelDown He worked hard continuously for the past 1 year to deal with the severe symptoms... I am not sure exactly what drug he takes... But some types of synthetic drugs or what are called BTs can be a form of heroin.… Because of not taking proper medications he may turn to drugs again and again… He feels really weak or broken 💔
If he’s on a form of heroin, you can talk to him about maybe getting in somewhere that does medication assisted treatment (MAT). When working with a doctor, certain meds can be prescribed that will both block opiates (so if he tried to use it wouldn’t do anything) and take withdrawal symptoms away. Some people really look down on MAT, but for so many addicts, they stay using because of how awful withdrawal feels.
I don't know how you can say the popular opinion is that trauma is the root cause of addiction when 95% of treatment centers are 12 step based and the 12 steps mentions trauma exactly zero times. It says addiction is a genetic brain disorder which is absolutely wrong. My son went to treatment 8 times and his severe cptsd was diagnosed but never treated except with more drugs than my son ever took on his own. The treatment is all focused on substance use and blaming the addict. He got no trauma treatment in 8 times through rehab for stays of 1 to 9 months. He entered all by choice and did everything perfectly and every time he left and nothing was changed because they had not addressed the reason he started using in the first place. We have to stop blaming the addict and we have to admit that what we are doing isn't working. Why not treat trauma when you have someone in your facility 24/7 why not do it all? He got to pet a horse and swing on a trapeze, but not once did anyone talk to him about healing his trauma.
Jesse, I would try and support her through rehab as a friend if you have that type of relationship with her. Some exs are on friendly terms. I don't know where you are from. Where I am from, dealers are ALL involved in organized criminal gangs. Be very careful if that's the case. Think it through.
Hi Amber , you know I agree with you . Let’s see ,, Alcohol is not an illegal controlled substance, so ,, anyone can easily get hold of gallons of it . If it makes people feel good in ANYWAY,, ( there are lots of ways alcohol makes people feel good it’s not the same for everyone) there’s nothing to stop anyone getting some more , lots more. If any one repeatedly makes themselves feel good with a substance like alcohol,, they can run into addiction problems because it’s ADDICTIVE,, ,,,,SURPRISE. I know 2 women who went on cruise ship holidays ,, both drank all day and night on these ships 🚢 , 2 weeks of being soaked in alcohol,, both could not stop when they got home . Trauma,, yes they had that ,, when the bottle was empty.
People have different definitions of what trauma even is. To one person, trauma is the most extreme situation. To others, trauma can be something much smaller. Just because someone is functioning before becoming an addict, that doesn’t mean they haven’t been through trauma. Addicts are great at putting up a great front. No perfectly happy/content person just becomes addicted for something out of the blue. There is some sort of dissatisfaction in life, whether that’s trauma, depression, etc. What you’re describing is post acute withdrawal- it’s that time (usually about a year) when your brain chemistry is trying to get back to “normal” after getting off whatever substance. Even after that time, that reason (there’s always a reason) you started the addiction in the first place will still be there. Not working through that is a major reason for relapse. That’s why therapy is so important for addicts.
But do you think that untraumatized people get addicted in the first place? Do you have any clients who have learned healthy emotional regulation skills in childhood? Who aren't traumatized?
Sorry about that. if I missed it on the live, it was either revise I ran out of time or just missed seeing it. Unfortunately, I can’t get to all the questions. I try to answer as many questions as possible. Sometimes the questions are r than I can handle in a quick comment. If you want to repost it, I’ll answer it if I can
No, I did not ask question on live...Later I commented my problem, can you please help or give advice if possible...Your videos helped me a lot...Are you able to see the previous comment of mine where I mentioned my issue?
I think Gaber defines trauma very broadly (not necessarily profound physical, sexual or mental trauma). I would say any unmet needs as child result in some degree of "trauma".... even if it's just a well-meaning codependent mother. the codependency from the mother leads to an unmet need in the child and thus "trauma". take for example a highly active young boy who excels at building/creating who maybe struggles with verbal fluency or administrative tasks. he's been put in a classroom that forces him to sit still when all he wants to do is build and play. he can't do this so now he's diagnosed with ADHD and grows to resent this and get addicted to methamphetamine down the line. I think it'd be a stretch to blame this on neurochemistry. Not having a father or being in a school environment that encouraged what he's good at is probably more so to blame... and maybe you can call that experience "trauma". I think it depends on how you conceptualize and define trauma. I certainly agree that the addiction recovery space focuses way too much on "trauma" however it's defined.
Number 1.. if an addict would allow themselves to change their words and thoughts OUTLOUD instead of bitching about being a human then they would not have a reason to get f-ed up. Plus happy people won’t share a pipe ect. No one gets out of life without EXPERIENCES good and bad!
Jesse let her get through her rehab - she might not make it through the rehab. If she does and has left her dealer boyfriend then you can reassess the situation. Good luck!
Stress has to do with trauma. It changes our way of thinking, and again this goes down the path of that it's epigenetics our environment in our lifestyle that affect us and our health.
I don't think anyone doesn't experience some level of trauma, some just seemed to be better able to handle it, some will drink and use drugs to cover it up and not deal with it, while others will stuff it down. I've had it all around me in my family and in the men I have chosen in the past, I definitely could have gone down the same path, but I realized that the drinking wouldn't make anything better, the problems would still be there afterwards. I was the type that just stuffed my feelings and down that I didn't want to deal with or didn't know how to deal with. I numbed myself, but not with any type of chemicals or substances. I repressed my memories. I also never liked the idea of doing drugs or anything because I always have wanted to be in control of my mind and my thoughts. That's not to say I didn't try a few things, but never for very long and I really didn't like drugs.
It's almost as if the "High" rewards the bad thoughts, so the bad thoughts become entrenched.
Ohhh, I didn't even think of that. but you make a good point!!!! 🤩
It is amazing how much of other people's mental energy and lives drug addicts can suck up , mainly due to their incessant lying, deceit, and lack of respect for anyone's healthy existence, boundaries or finances...and the existence of this video is just one example. So many people are sucked into " how can I/We solve this".
Exactly ive tried and it doesn't work just ends up the ones that love them and try to help them are the ones who get hurt
Not to mention, when someone is addicted, they feel so bad about themselves that they need someone else to blame so it makes themself feel better. Any trauma that has happened to us, we can almost find someone to blame for it. Then the loved one feels responsible and they will not bother the addiction person as much. It's called gas lighting 101.
I was abusing pain pills for about 10 years. I hated my life, I wanted out but I felt trapped and I was scared to take the steps to free myself. I absolutely have trauma but I did not know that then. I had no idea how much stress I had lived under until much later. I got sober on my own about 8 years ago. I then made changes in my life. Dealing with everything I have since learned has been traumatic but I never wanted to go back to using a substance to cope. I believe fear of living a full life and taking responsibility for ourselves can be part of some people’s reason for abusing substances. All substances are about escape. Reality is scary especially if we feel ill prepared to care for ourselves and we do not have the help or resources to see a way out. Fear of death also cripples a lot of people, which ironically drives them to do things which will hasten it. Acceptance of reality is critical to living a life that feels good.
Very well said. To the point description of one of the main reasons for turning to using and addiction.
Very well said!! I feel the same that addiction is escaping something people are incapable of coping with. Thank you for sharing.
I couldn't do live today but wanted to note....you are sooooo right. All addiction is NOT caused by trauma. For me the trauma came AFTER the addiction and almost all BECAUSE of the addiction whether directly or indirectly. My wonderful parents raised 2 daughters. I'm talking upper middle class upbringing, given all the love and attention we could possibly have wanted, educated, and given every opportunity in life. We literally could not have asked for a better family, not just my parents either but entire extended family on both sides. Yet both of us still became addicts, bad addicts. Opiates and cocaine and a partridge in a pear tree. I can't speak for my sis, her story is her own. But for myself I can tell you exactly why I used and why for better than half of my life I fought this battle. And that is simply that I do NOT like feeling my feelings. And because I hate feeling my feelings the universe thought it might be amusing to make me an empath to a nauseating degree. So when I'm clean I feel my own feelings and everyone else's, even commercials can be unbearable. It's a nightmare. Learning to deal with it without dulling everything down is very, very hard. But it can be done. I've learned almost anything can be done, if you truly want it
Thanks for weighing in Heather. I really appreciate that. A lot of people think that a person can't possibly get addicted if they have no trauma. But I see lots of people who get addicted and don't have more than the "average" amount of adverse experiences.
the universe is not to blame, either. we pick our lots in life. i, too, am sensitive but that's just something to notice, not to overtake our lives, and it's a gift. feelings are just feelings and will pass. you get to look deeper into situations and tune in deeper. someone told me once that when i get spiritually stronger, i will notice those feelings, they called it ecstatic awareness, but they won't affect your state of well-being. getting stronger and stronger.
Thanks for sharing about your story about being an empath and feeling everything to a nauseating degree, that’s me also and it is even physically painful. I don’t have issues with substance abuse but I isolate because of dealing with intense feelings and anxiety. I’m here to learn about addiction because I have adult AS and AD.
i hope you find ways to protect yourself from all the noise (flying feelings) around you. it's wonderful you're so sensitive, a gift, and i've seen plenty of online info about how to shield yourself so that you can feel what's going on without taking it on. it can be done. i feel it's highly tuned compassion.
Omg you nailed it ❤ thank you so much for stating this so beautifully. And thank you for your frank honesty. Phenomenal❤
I came to that conclusion with my daughter too. Interestingly enough, she hardly ever mentions the real trauma which is the car accident, but instead awfulizes the little petty things from her childhood over and over again, and as her drinking progresses, they become more colorful and acquire more invented details.
"Awefulizes' what a fantastic new word! I'm stealing that 😊
I got addicted because I wanted to cope. I wanted to numb. I wanted to pull myself out of my abused body. Than it was a habit. Than a lifestyle. Now I am 4 days sober it is a lot.
Yes!!!!! Absolutely agree. Totally with you. Well said and so glad someone has finally said this on a public platform. There is way too much emphasis that all addiction and problems are connected to childhood trauma and nothing said that the addiction is exascerbating and messing with all these memories. I am so glad you have said all this.
I dealt with my PTSD, but my addiction never went away until I dealt with my addiction. Also. Addicts lie. My mom blamed my friend for interducing me to weed and alcohol.
As a example- my niece blames childhood neglect for her addiction.. meanwhile neglecting her own children. Its funny she can so easily blame others for her problems while taking no responsibility for the pain she is causing.
We need..Less excuses. More responsibility.
Well said!!!!! 🤩🤩🤩
Everything you have said today makes soooo much sense!!! Thank you for this episode and sharing all of your wonderful knowledge and expertise!!!!
Thanks Donna. I wasn't sure how well this would be received ☹️
You are the only one I can relate to. As a nurse I have doctors constantly telling me there isn’t anything I can do. You , however, you have shown me there is plenty I can do. Be loving or keep my mouth shut.
I completely agree with you. Gabor Mate’s theory about trauma are only part of the story. Research scientists have discovered other risk factors for substance abuse like mental illness which makes the person more susceptible. My daughter was one of those people and the other contributing risk factor for her was her Dad who abused a substance, too. My loved one had a happy childhood.
The reasons for addiction not just being based on trauma/mostly not makes so much sense. I really like Gabor Mate too but was struggling w his focus on trauma. Especially w my son - like Amber says about clients coming from a highly functioning family … my son is from a good family. and the stuff he focuses on as trauma is somewhat small bullying/seems to me same as what all of us have dealt w as part of our adolescence. So it makes sense to me that he keeps over focusing on it as part of his addiction. Sometimes I think some of the counseling in various programs he’s attempted to get sober might overly focus on “trauma”.
I'm a rehabilitated alcoholic, and I agree with you. Secondly, I don't believe it's a disease.
I agree with you. One story I read is that AA in the US lobbied to have alcoholism listed as a disease in order to get govt medical funding.
It automatically removes any responsibility from the addict.
Congratulations 🎊
I just missed the live . As always there is content that speaks to what is specific to my sons addiction and the journey within it. Thank you for speaking about any relation with trauma. I too like Gabor Mate but every situation is different, my son has experienced a lot of trauma and he does talk about it a lot and I have wondered if after a while it gives permission to self medicate which then leads to more trauma because the lifestyle connected to addiction. He was homeless for five years was stabbed almost lost his life and additional trauma from this. It’s all so overwhelming but I am so appreciative to you Amber for helping us all through these times if adduction with people we love ❤️
I think you're spot on about it giving them permission to self-mediate then leads to more trauma.
He sounds just like my son! Mine is still on the streets using fentanyl despite being stabbed in the back and his lung collapsd, homeless, etc. It's a vicious cycle. I agree with your comment that it seems like they've given themselves "permission" to continue to use, which causes MORE trauma!
My son admits he chose to use to avoid feeling all the sadness and doesn't wanna face life sober. He just turned 33yrs old and he's been on the streets for nearly 4yrs and I don't know what lies ahead but it's so sad to watch your child go through it.
I hope your son is off the streets and off the drugs! 🙏
@@jenniferandrews8449 I really feel your hurting heart wow so many horrendous similarities . My son is in housing now but active addiction . We do have open conversations and it is my prayer that he will choose a different lifestyle but fentanyl has him very frightened to go through withdrawal and what comes after . We must not give up . I’m so sorry you are experiencing this heartbreak
LOVE your channel!!! It has given me more direction than I can tell you and has saved me from making countless mistakes. Thank you!
You are so welcome! I'm so glad these videos are helping you😀😀😀
My 16 year old is in group home for kids with mental issues. She’s been there for 8 months with ZERO progress. They keep digging her ‘abuse’ stories while she still keeps going with her addictions and blocked every single person from her previous life.
Unbelievable, once amazing kid, athlete is heading to the street and countless therapies did not move the needle at all. I dont recognize her anymore. Hopeless!!! 😢
So sad. And us parents are so desperate for them to heal and want to get sober and be able to do it. I feel your pain.
Never hopeless but the road to recovery can be a long crooked road. Very painful and frustrating experience for parents. Don’t give up keep working on own addiction knowledge and skills.
Wonderful video Amber. Absolutely love your content.
Thanks so much for this topic, I appreciate it and agree with what you said.
Thanks for watching!
Helpful perspective - thanks for sharing!!
My pleasure!
Is part of it that it lowers a person's inhibitions in general? The same way a person wouldn't normally talk about something embarrassing, or tell a friend's business, or dance on a table, they wouldn't talk about a trauma or resentment while sober. Maybe it's the inability to process the feelings in a constructive way that keeps the cycle going. The substance use may have been the break the person had from suppressing those feelings. People don't want to talk about the substances that cause these problems in positive terms, but if there was no positive aspect, the person wouldn't do it. Maybe you just have to accept the fact that you can't fix what's already happened.
I totally agree with what you're saying about acknowledging the positive effects of addictive behavior!
I do agree on this point of view..it explains a lot about everything. Thank you
Hi from Australia ❤ ...we'll never cancel you Amber!
We have a massive intrenched drinking culture here. We not only celebrate with alcohol, we celebrate alcohol itself.
Only half the world drinks.
Do we think the half of the planets' population that doesn't drink experience no trauma? No ups and downs of life?
My sister was put to the top of the list for a new liver. (I moved 4000km to care for her. She treated me like a piece of dirt.)
My brother is an alcoholic too.
They both blame others for the trauma that drove them to "self medicate".
I blame our obsessive drinking culture and a teenager's need to fit in with their peers. Both my sister and brother drank to excess since 16 or so and acted like they were heros for being able to 'drink someone under the table' or 'handle their alcohol' etc. They wore it like a badge.
Too many invested interests are making an absolute killing (including our Governments) on alcohol sales.
We need to stop normalising excessive alcohol consumption and reject the false 'fact' that to have real fun you've got to drink.
Because the truth is, once the party's over, alcoholics are not fun.
(and cost our society an absolute shit load)
Question: My husband is so called “functional alcoholic” i was wondering if I’m a part of slowing down his unmanageable life process as I’m taking care of our home as a housewife… please help ❤
@@janeviscolosi6455 in my case, he’s been hospitalized with pancreatitis twice already and other health problems, so that on its own are kind of huge. I mean it’s life and death and he realizes that. It’s just matter of time until his body can no longer handle toxins.
I suspect you are right - ppl who are depressed tend to have more negative thoughts and memories than when they are not depressed - it’s like their brain chemistry is kicking them when they are down.
My dad had an alcoholic buddy and refused to be around him when the alcoholic was drinking. Another mutual friend thought my dad needed to know what tragedies the alcoholic had in his life and ended by saying ‘…and that why he drinks’ and my dad’s replied with something like ‘His poor coping skills are why he drinks, and his coping skills aren’t going to improve and he is not going to gain any perspective as long as he keeps drinking’
This has stuck with me. I know ppl living with an addict probably have a more nuanced take
My husband’s alcoholism, started with a recent trauma.
In our first year of marriage, he was bullied in his job. He was thrown on a project, which was entwined in a lawsuit, when he was not experienced in his job. It was abuse levels of unfair. Then he got in the habit of drinking to resolve it, then became dependent.
So no old trauma, and he doesn’t even recognize that that situation spurred the drinking initially.
This was really interesting and helpful
Glad you think so!
You’re so correct!
Lack of self-control or feeling that your life is out of control, is a byproduct of trauma.
I see the genetic hereditary factor in relation to my AS and AD and of course the AH and so many family members going many generations back and also with several people I know and there is a lot of substance abuse/addiction in those families. With my two, AS and AD the childhood trauma was extreme from the behaviors of their AF , so I see a lot of the perspective of genetics playing a huge part in repeating the substance abuse behaviors and the environment; which makes me think of the saying that genetics load the g*n , environment pulls the trigger. I am continually educating myself so that I can do the correct ways in hopefully helping my two adult children recover. I’m here for them. Thanks to all who share their experiences.
it is very easy for humans to be addicted- not only can you be addicted to drugs, but other things like money, materials goods, dancing, eating, high risk activities, adrenaline, sex, and anything that makes one happy.
7:58 I COMPLETELY see this in alcoholics! Interesting topic of your video, because I heard about this before - I may have heard it in a Soft White Underbelly episode an addict explaining this and I also saw it mentioned in an article somewhere a few months ago.
Thank you Amber for your friendship, knowledge, experience. Happy Valentines month 💁🏼♀️❤ God bless you. 🕊🙏🏼
Same to you!
Totally agree!!
Yes ma'am 😢
Yes ma'am😢
Great conversation. One thing Dr Mate made me think about was my pregnancy- I was severely sick ( threw up 80 days in a row) which I believe cause me to produce a lot of cortisol… I was so afraid of what each day would bring. My child was colicky and hence I was still producing ( imo) cortisol and adrenaline- I was nursing and finally stopped at 6 months. My child was very very active and impulsive. Thrill seeking- and ya know I have to wonder if my pregnancy had an effect on that. I’m not blaming myself, but I can see how that would be a trauma passed along In utero, and as an infant. He’s had mental health crises and addiction most of his life. 33 years old. Anyway- I listen to you all the time. I respect yours and others ideas because addiction is complicated and different for everyone. Add mental illness and it’s extremely hard to treat as they don’t see what we do. Thank you for putting out great content.
Thank you for answering my question concerning addiction being like stockholm syndrome, i asked it because i listened to another professional with a youtube channel like yourself to get a second opinion, he recently made a video i watched which completely turned my view of addiction upside down, and it reminded me of your channel, so i thought you might be interested. I watched the video from "Sam Vaknin Can Addiction Be Helped? (Mexico City Lecture)". He's a bit controversial but i thought you might be interested, Thanks for all your help! :D
Thanks for the recommendation. I'll check it out. As you can see, I'm not afraid of controversial.
Thanks for the heads up, re: Sam Vaknin’s take on this - I’ll check it out after this!
Yes ma'am
She is damn right. Addiction is not necessarily caused by trauma. My brother grew up with every possible advantage with very loving parents and he still got addicted to meth due to his excessive partying lifestyle. He just enjoys the high meth gives him.
Thanks Stephen! 😁😁
I just want too ask do they put pheednal in other drugs.
I have brought both my boys up tye same and am in recovery myself ive been very concious of not playing favourates however , my eldest whose the addict just has the genetic make up for addiction he has ashd , and asd and doesnt feel comfortable in his own skin he is restless irritable and discontent .i hope there is hope for him to one day get into recovery its so sad 😢
Amber hits the nail on the head on why people get addicted. 100% agree. would this be a good video to send to an addicted loved one?
Only if you think they'd agree with the information in the video. Please don't send a video that is designed to confront the other person. Let them find those videos on their own.
I always feel like the first thing to do is to get to the core reason behind why the addict is using first and go from there with the tools to recovery.
Thanks for talking about this! My brother has been using meth for about 4 yrs now. He is also schizophrenic. Diagnosed pre-meth. My parents were at one time starting the hope for family programs, unfortunately they didn’t put much time into it and I believe now they see it as easier to continue their old patterns. Verbatim, state “this is the way he is and always will be” and attribute his very obvious meth-fueled behaviors to disordered mental health; and not the addictions. He keeps getting worse and they still don’t see it. In fact, it’s now more ‘normalized’ and they are now better at concealing his terrible behaviors from everyone else! He treats my parents like total shit and will say anything to try to guilt them, blaming them for everything still. He practically sucks the life out of them and it’s shocking to see the degree of what they’ll put up with from him. Endless time, money, anger, contempt. My parents are exhausted and angry all of the time.
I’m not sure if my parents understand how miserable they are over it or how badly it has damaged, or even just has hindered their relationships with everyone else in the family. Myself included.
I worry about not just now, but I worry more for after my parents are gone. (Provided he doesn’t go before they do and this behavior / use etc continues as it has.) No one should endure his abuse. It’s super sad.
I’ve stopped preaching to them and it helps me, at least. I guess it just isn’t bad enough yet for them to make their own changes.
I should probably make an appt with you or Campbell lol. Thank you as always Amber ❤
So yrue it goes on a negative loop
Dr amber (using words to heal) did I get addicted cos I always lived in a make-believe world, where fantasy is on top of reality, even if briefly? In need of feed-back, pls.
I absolutely know that you don’t have to have experienced trauma to be an alcoholic-addict. My daughter has always said (and she’s not in denial about this) but that she just liked the feeling that drinking and now drugs brings and it was never trauma generated ever. At this point of 25-30 years in to her lifestyle she has certainly experienced trauma because of the addictions. But she sure has had many therapists try to insist it must be!
Amber !!! Your videos have been very helpful to me. I need your assistance; my boyfriend is an addict who intermittently uses drugs. Initially, he also had issues with alcohol, but he has been completely sober from alcohol for the past 2 years. He is currently experiencing severe withdrawal symptoms. I am seeking your advice on the medical aspects of this situation."
I can’t really advise on medical interventions because I’m not a doctor, but if you’ll tell me what he’s withdrawing from I can try to point you to some resources
@@PutTheShovelDown He worked hard continuously for the past 1 year to deal with the severe symptoms... I am not sure exactly what drug he takes... But some types of synthetic drugs or what are called BTs can be a form of heroin.… Because of not taking proper medications he may turn to drugs again and again… He feels really weak or broken 💔
If he’s on a form of heroin, you can talk to him about maybe getting in somewhere that does medication assisted treatment (MAT). When working with a doctor, certain meds can be prescribed that will both block opiates (so if he tried to use it wouldn’t do anything) and take withdrawal symptoms away. Some people really look down on MAT, but for so many addicts, they stay using because of how awful withdrawal feels.
@@lindseystein9676 thanks for your advice... I'll try to find out something like that for sure..thank you!!! ❤️
Can anybody please add me in any support group....I feel really hopeless...where I can at least share my feelings 🥺
I don't know how you can say the popular opinion is that trauma is the root cause of addiction when 95% of treatment centers are 12 step based and the 12 steps mentions trauma exactly zero times. It says addiction is a genetic brain disorder which is absolutely wrong. My son went to treatment 8 times and his severe cptsd was diagnosed but never treated except with more drugs than my son ever took on his own. The treatment is all focused on substance use and blaming the addict. He got no trauma treatment in 8 times through rehab for stays of 1 to 9 months. He entered all by choice and did everything perfectly and every time he left and nothing was changed because they had not addressed the reason he started using in the first place. We have to stop blaming the addict and we have to admit that what we are doing isn't working. Why not treat trauma when you have someone in your facility 24/7 why not do it all? He got to pet a horse and swing on a trapeze, but not once did anyone talk to him about healing his trauma.
Jesse, I would try and support her through rehab as a friend if you have that type of relationship with her. Some exs are on friendly terms. I don't know where you are from. Where I am from, dealers are ALL involved in organized criminal gangs. Be very careful if that's the case. Think it through.
It's about connection for me. I love drugs for the same reason I love classical music and death metal.
Hi Amber , you know I agree with you . Let’s see ,, Alcohol is not an illegal controlled substance, so ,, anyone can easily get hold of gallons of it . If it makes people feel good in ANYWAY,, ( there are lots of ways alcohol makes people feel good it’s not the same for everyone) there’s nothing to stop anyone getting some more , lots more. If any one repeatedly makes themselves feel good with a substance like alcohol,, they can run into addiction problems because it’s ADDICTIVE,, ,,,,SURPRISE. I know 2 women who went on cruise ship holidays ,, both drank all day and night on these ships 🚢 , 2 weeks of being soaked in alcohol,, both could not stop when they got home . Trauma,, yes they had that ,, when the bottle was empty.
People have different definitions of what trauma even is. To one person, trauma is the most extreme situation. To others, trauma can be something much smaller. Just because someone is functioning before becoming an addict, that doesn’t mean they haven’t been through trauma. Addicts are great at putting up a great front. No perfectly happy/content person just becomes addicted for something out of the blue. There is some sort of dissatisfaction in life, whether that’s trauma, depression, etc.
What you’re describing is post acute withdrawal- it’s that time (usually about a year) when your brain chemistry is trying to get back to “normal” after getting off whatever substance. Even after that time, that reason (there’s always a reason) you started the addiction in the first place will still be there. Not working through that is a major reason for relapse. That’s why therapy is so important for addicts.
But do you think that untraumatized people get addicted in the first place? Do you have any clients who have learned healthy emotional regulation skills in childhood? Who aren't traumatized?
Yes, I have many clients like that. Clients who learned emotional regulation skills in childhood.
@@PutTheShovelDown Wow, that surprises me! Thanks for the reply.
Amber you skipped my comment...can I know the reason please?...I booked inquiry on insta you didn't answer..I wrote a mail to you as well.
Sorry about that. if I missed it on the live, it was either revise I ran out of time or just missed seeing it. Unfortunately, I can’t get to all the questions. I try to answer as many questions as possible. Sometimes the questions are r than I can handle in a quick comment. If you want to repost it, I’ll answer it if I can
No, I did not ask question on live...Later I commented my problem, can you please help or give advice if possible...Your videos helped me a lot...Are you able to see the previous comment of mine where I mentioned my issue?
I think Gaber defines trauma very broadly (not necessarily profound physical, sexual or mental trauma). I would say any unmet needs as child result in some degree of "trauma".... even if it's just a well-meaning codependent mother. the codependency from the mother leads to an unmet need in the child and thus "trauma". take for example a highly active young boy who excels at building/creating who maybe struggles with verbal fluency or administrative tasks. he's been put in a classroom that forces him to sit still when all he wants to do is build and play. he can't do this so now he's diagnosed with ADHD and grows to resent this and get addicted to methamphetamine down the line. I think it'd be a stretch to blame this on neurochemistry. Not having a father or being in a school environment that encouraged what he's good at is probably more so to blame... and maybe you can call that experience "trauma". I think it depends on how you conceptualize and define trauma. I certainly agree that the addiction recovery space focuses way too much on "trauma" however it's defined.
Jessie: What would you say to a good friend or caring family member who presented you with the same questions?
🖐member
Number 1.. if an addict would allow themselves to change their words and thoughts OUTLOUD instead of bitching about being a human then they would not have a reason to get f-ed up. Plus happy people won’t share a pipe ect. No one gets out of life without EXPERIENCES good and bad!
❤❤❤
Jesse let her get through her rehab - she might not make it through the rehab. If she does and has left her dealer boyfriend then you can reassess the situation. Good luck!
Good advice!
Addiction is caused by heredity.
Stress has to do with trauma. It changes our way of thinking, and again this goes down the path of that it's epigenetics our environment in our lifestyle that affect us and our health.
I don't think anyone doesn't experience some level of trauma, some just seemed to be better able to handle it, some will drink and use drugs to cover it up and not deal with it, while others will stuff it down. I've had it all around me in my family and in the men I have chosen in the past, I definitely could have gone down the same path, but I realized that the drinking wouldn't make anything better, the problems would still be there afterwards. I was the type that just stuffed my feelings and down that I didn't want to deal with or didn't know how to deal with. I numbed myself, but not with any type of chemicals or substances. I repressed my memories. I also never liked the idea of doing drugs or anything because I always have wanted to be in control of my mind and my thoughts. That's not to say I didn't try a few things, but never for very long and I really didn't like drugs.
Epigenetics causes most issues, not genes.
All ways great full for your knowledge and heart with lot’s of patience and good advice that some of us need 🕊🙏🏼🫶
Thank you, Rosa!
Yes ma'am
Yes ma'am😢
Yes ma'am😢