Sleeping Together Before Marriage
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- čas přidán 8. 02. 2022
- Can Catholic couples spend the night together before marriage? Is it a sin to (just) sleep together before you're married?
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Praying for all couples who are struggling with this!
Brother, this video was the first time EVER I understood the difference between "license" and "freedom". I've heard the distinction drawn so many times before, and may even have repeated it to others and tried to provide others with a helpful interpretation, but today was the first day I 'felt' the understanding of what the difference is. Thank you for your ministry! I believe God is working in you and through you. God bless you.
In my 20's I was neither Catholic nor particularly chaste, but I was shy and depressed so I never went steady with a girl. Later on in becoming Catholic I realized (after much reflection) that I was free in the sense that I was not attached to any feminine charms as I had not even kissed a girl romantically. Now as I discern marriage I want to avoid any physical intimacy beyond a hug so that I can tell my bride that she is, to me, utterly unique in all her feminine charms. This not only gives me a sense of freedom but is a real source of joy.
My aunt didn't understand this concept and she's already 60 and just laughed at me. She says s ghb e doesn't see anything wrong with sharing a room with her bf because they sleep in separate beds. She was my sponsor. I recommend Father Mike Schmitz video on spending the night ok. It really helped. I even recommended this to my aunt but I don't know if she saw it. I realized I idolized marriage and some ideas I had were crushed but better to find out now then later. I think my aunt is still in the idolizing phase
Although I only recently in the past several years learned about how to really date and avoiding sin began way earlier than I had thought. I'm glad I learned about this before marriage and a new relationship
It's really special for marriage. God help me I have not met my future husband. I'm reaching 30. Trying not to idolize marriage and learn about good advice about marriage, engagement, dating etc in a holy way. For other fellow singles may God comfort you this Valentine's Day. You are loved and beautiful 🤗❤💕
oof. This is really a struggle for me right now. I am new to Catholicism from multi-generational sex-cultism (mormon) and I divorced a year ago after being married 12 years (Short story, he didn't approve of my faith awakening and made ultimatums and threats that made it unsafe for me to stay). A few months ago God sent me a man who is also new to Catholicism from mormonism, and was married 12 years before his ex disappeared one day. We are engaged to be married and we love each other very much- and have our eyes wide open to what mistakes we made in our previous marriages, and with the understanding that divorce is not an option this time around. Chastity has been incredibly difficult for us. We have tried to live by these rules, but we have messed up so many times that having sex is just an automatic response with no hesitation on either end. I'm going to confession on Saturday to hopefully make a plan with my priest for moving forward so our marriage will be blessed with grace. BUT IT IS SO HARD.
Don’t let this get to you. The expectations and rules around sex are unrealistic in so many ways.
Grace works.
Once been in a similar situation with my future wife.
When to confession and prayed for Grace.
I can say that the attraction hasn't waned but the control is stronger than ever.
This is so refreshing to hear :)
Sleeping in the same bed, even if nothing sexual takes places, still runs the risk of scandalizing anyone who sees the unmarried couple sharing a room or a house.
Too much suspicion is bad too. I've learned to be more chaste than ever having to stay chaste living with and sleeping in the same bed with my fiance. We were homeless and he was attacked by a gang member. I hate to leave him alone at night. He's 67 and I'm 48. There are really situations that exist where dispensation is valid. Sure he or I could sleep on the couch but then our health is going to suffer. We just rent a 5th wheel trailer. It was our ticket out of homelessness. I'm also disabled with anxiety and health problems that get worse if I don't sleep well. We've literally been chaste for years this way. It's been a problem for joining the Church. He's already Catholic. I want to be and already practice Catholic prayers like the rosary. I want to join the Church and then we want to be married in the Church but I also have a previous civil marriage and divorce. It will be a miracle if I ever really get to receive communion even though I'm working so so hard on not sinning. I'm now so used to it that I don't even ever have a temptation at all. Much too complex to fix all these worldly issues. I think the Church should just baptize people into the Church and erase their past as non-Catholics are not even taught real Christian laws. 🤦
Our situation is extremely rare, but that's why God likes people of understanding not just strict Pharisees. We are supposed to think and reason like Jesus. Not to break rules but to not cause more harm by enforcing them.
@@leejennifercorlewayres9193 I really don't know the details of your situation. For example, for what reason did you and your first husband divorce? The Church has these rules for one reason to best Love God and do as follows from that. I do believe that if you bring your situation to your Preist in detail, he can offer you advice and possibly a solution to your problems.
I dont agree. Personally, as I am saved, whenever I’ve been alone with my fiancé I have had every capability to not do anything. It is very easy to have self control when you actually love God. And i believe if i have that self control then there’s nothing wrong with falling asleep with your significant other. Its sleep. Its natural and sweet to sleep with someone you love
I agree with the sentiment but you guys were honest with yourselves, can we stop it and pray to God whenever we are getting tempted or can we not? And i feel some people often overestimate the self control they carry it is mainly a case to case scenario.
We're not delivered from our tendency to sin up until our ressurection. The sacraments help us, but we must fight to death.
God bless you sirs ,am so blessed
We're so glad it blessed you! Please pray for us.
What about the possibility for scandal? That has to be considered as well.
Having sex with a person does not mean you don't have self control, you are literally just doing what you want to do. You are in complete control 9 times out of 10. It all boils down to what you believe and choose to embrace.
So, I am a 26yo/F in a chaste relationship for the first time in my life. Neither of us are virgins and we started out (especially me) not knowing that we would be chaste (abstinent until marriage) and started off kissing seductively.. and have since rolled it back a lot and are trying to help each other be chaste... anyways.. I am personally struggling with chastity and am just venting on here! Wondering if maybe someone has a similar/adjacent story to share haha.
Everyone 😝
I tried too and in time realized the expectations here are so out of this world unrealistic that it makes me sick. We need to view sex in committed relationships as the goal.
@@timmyj2366 they're not unrealistic. You're waiting too long to get married. Why? Because you want to make sure the woman is "perfect."
@@dapper_slapper4093 Being overly picky and fear of commitment are surely issues too…as is unrealistic expectations around sex. Sexual purity does not = spiritual strength. As a matter of fact, sexual repression is a serious byproduct of unattainable rules around sexual expression.
@@dapper_slapper4093I think this is always their problem
Is this what Ross was worried about with me this summer?
all i can do is pray for my friend shes like a big sister to i still care about her i just dont want hee to sin n think its an ok thing to do which it isnt not to god
This video was amazing. I felt so shameful before watching this video. Thank you so much.
I can see two different scenarios. 1) you travel together for a specific purpose. To visit family for a holiday, a family wedding, etc. but while there you stay in separate rooms. You want a situation where There’s some sort of accountability. For example, I went to my grandfather’s funeral and my fiancée shared a room with my brother. You make it abundantly clear to all in the know that you aren’t “sleeping” together. That you’ve gone to the trouble to make accommodations that protect your reputations. 2) travel together for vacation. Weekend getaways, overnights, etc. to that I say absolutely not. It’s a Terrible Christian witness. People WILL think you’re sleeping together. Especially in our culture. If you want to take vacay trips together, I say put a ring on it. I call BS on people who say they’re only spooning. That may be true, but everyone else thinks otherwise which is just as bad.
If you worry about what people think ( base other peoples perceptions in your life ) , your in a lot of trouble! Me and the girlfriend at the time really enjoyed camping before we were married, we went on camping trips together over the weekends , and one time we hiked a trail for 2 weeks together. we were not going to miss out on life and things we enjoyed , because of "what someone might think". believe me you don't have to stay in a room overnight together to have sex with someone.
i have a dear friend that i'm afraid shes sleepin with sum guy she only met a month ago i hope she knows God is always watchin i think the world of her and i dont want her to fall into sin which is not a godly thing at all
Sleeping in the Same bed with someone is a Sin?
@@tiarawilliams8861 yeah if theyre not married
@@thomasfaucette1660 I seen women bring Men into thier home to Sleep with them when her Children was n da House.
more like FUCKED up
Sleeping next to someone when both parties consent is not harming anyone and therefore not morally wrong.
Thank you for sharing your perspective. If you'd be open to a deeper explanation of the topic and the reasoning behind it, Christopher has a best selling book where he goes deep into these issues. You can find it here: shop.corproject.com/products/good-news-about-sex-and-marriage
You’ve never meet God, then how would you know his plans for sex or for anything for that matter? I’m curious about this answer, I’m pretty sure it’ll get ignored.
simply read your bible.
Fear of sin has Man inventing a whole panoply of sins that have no divine validation.
It's hard when you're middle aged and been married before. You always talk about young people.
Ditto , everything is geared towards the young, with Christopher West. If you have had a sexual past and are middle aged , the advice just doesn't well... translate. So many factors differ with the young, they have to deal with what seems on the face of it, similar challenges, but in reality are very different challenges.
Amen. add newness to Catholicism into the mix and that adds more complexity. It is far easier to be chaste when young and can marry quickly.
It's also hard when you're middle aged and haven't been married before. Parishes no longer do the social kinds of things where our ancestors could meet and date other single Catholics. I'm sure they struggled with chastity too, but at least they were struggling with another Catholic.
When you complete your education and perhaps move to a new town and join a parish where you don't know anyone, what do you do? Clearly nobody knows the answer, because the marriage rate in our parishes is almost zero nowadays. West refuses to consider that basic point, but neither does anyone else.
@@larrymelman And considering probably 90% of Catholics have sex before marriage (and he's preaching to choir here), its kind of a moot point .
Damn..i wanna experience the sexual embrace ...I wanna experience what it feels to give yourself fully to your spouse.. Btw.. I am saving myself for marriage.. 😁