I would say putting it on his channel is better than going the old school publishing route. It reaches a bigger audience immediately, and nobody has time for physical books anymore it seems. Good job.
Bravo Dr. Creepin! I really dig this story! I thought the brother was the hellhound for a long time. I loved the twists, turns, and descriptive elements are really your speciality. Somebody in the comments wrote they could see this being a series and I think they are right. This has the potential for more (if the writer is up for it). Very potent with the hellhound/dog running alongside the parents in the beginning. Was this foreshadowing of the events that were to happen that night, was it to show the parents part in the downfall of this entire family? You brought it full circle. I would have liked to hear more about how they managed to drug the parents as there was no mention of them (unless I missed it). However, it might be good to use this at a later time in order to expand on this story if you should ever decide to. Maybe more as to why? I can understand greed but maybe there's more to it? I think I like this one even better than the last! Also, don't wear yourself out, writing IS exhausting! I'm so proud of you! Fist bump!
Thank you for your very kind words. Actually, the name of the mansion was mentioned by the tourist guide as the destination for the paranormal tour in my previous story 'life's an ocean.' If I have time to continue writing, I like this idea of a very loose anthology.
@@DrCreepen Ah, well there you go! I'm sure there are a multitude of "tip of the iceberg" (or below, whatever) commonalities or threads to connect them together! The possibilities really are endless. Hey, there's no timeline when you have to do it...whenever you have time or whenever the mood strikes. As long as you're feeling it! 💯
You sir are an incredible writer!! You had me on the edge of my seat the entire time. I absolutely love stories with a twist and that one was amazing!! Keep up the great work, you are extremely talented!!
Congrats! Well, written story! Really enjoyed it. Keep presenting you own creations! A prequel concerning the family back story and history of the Hell Hound and why it stalks the family would be great!
As I was listening, I could feel the love for the language and a tone of sophistication that I enjoy. It is absolutely delightful to hear that this is one of your own! Thank you for sharing, and I will keep my ears perked for more.
Thank you DR Creepen for the awesome pasta. I loved this one. Excellent work on both the story and narration. This and the one lighthouse did definitely made my day.🖤🖤🖤🖤
This was pretty good dude. I agree with the other commenters, it definitely needs a trimming in the adverbs and adjectives department, and also the clauses about things being ‘signs of’ or ‘a testament to’ something. I don’t think they add all that much and at times it can make the story feel sort of, meta? Less immersive? Also, one thing that helps is describing things more specifically - not necessarily just in more detail. Names of places, a strange blouse someone’s wearing, the hole in the car’s bumper - the love child of an unfortunately placed bollard and rust corrosion. That kinda stuff. I hope this feedback is useful!
Boy that nom de plume is a mouthful Doc!😂 but seriously… it was a very entertaining story. I’m always interested in stories about dogs, vampires, werewolves,(!) & witches so winning formula for me & then you write about home as well! ♥️♥️😎✌️
*Black Wolf Hellhound gets up in Jeff and Smile's faces closeup at the boy and his husky pup and best friend* Wolf like Hellhound: *deep booming voice* NOW YOU ARE MINE Jeff and his husky pup and best friend Smile hang onto each other on the destroyed boat Hellhound: *laughing evilly*
I lived near York, been there so many times! First Perth story I've heard 😊 I was born here, cheers! ❤ also I lived and worked at a racing stanle, south of where I am now, in Serpentine when I was younger... 5am starts. One morning we were feeding and it was still dark, we were halfway through the front paddocks when a HUGE dark dog came out of nowhere. The horses were all unsettled and we ran back to the buildings to get help. That's all I remember.
Great story that hit close to home for me. My hometown has a legend of a Hellhound who was summoned by a local witch to guard the cemetery and woods where she lived.
Doctor, you did a fantastic job narrating this story, as usual, though I think you had a little bit of extra drive for this tale! Please thank our author, Darius McCorkindale for the excellent story! I do hope that he will grace us with at least one sequel to this fine tale! (Maybe, even a prequel? We do not yet know what caused their parents to see and hear the Beast before their fatal accident!) 😅
Great work good Dr, while some may not like the Victorianesque descriptive style I fully enjoyed it, I grew up reading Lovecraft, Poe, Stoker, Shelly, etc so I appreciate the details and the tale itself is very good, as I've said before I look eagerly forward to more of your own works Thank you dear Dr for another dark dream that warms my 🖤
I have to say Doc that your end wrap up which you always do, upon your own work, was my exact thoughts as well. There was a slight bit of overly descriptive language and although it wasn’t “perfect”, as if such a thing exists, it was definitely outstanding. I mean a twist within a twist within a twist? How many people can pull that off? Very few! And it just so happens that you fall into the category of those select few. I sincerely applaud your efforts and hold your works both the written and narrative in the highest esteem. Always have and always will! Cheers for a story that held my attention from Manhattan all the way to my home in the Bronx! And that in itself is quite a feat! However as I also mentioned about the ultimate Hell creature, the Hell Cat, my own personal Hell Cat did hear the end 15 minutes and I swear I heard him chuckle at the dogs attack. As in how weak it was compared to what he would have done to every soul who stepped foot onto the grounds, including the Dog itself. What most aren’t aware of is that the Hell Hounds are vicious creatures of the underworld. Yet even they know when their superior is present and shall obey accordingly. Oh it’s a sight to behold! Thank you for your time and service for our community of listeners, and it always delivers in such fine style! 👏👏👏👏👏👏
That was good from start to finish. When I was younger I had been a big fan of Poe and Lovecraft. I thoroughly enjoyed the 'overly descriptive' (your words not mine) part in the beginning. It all worked together well.
Happy Monalicious 👻Monday Everyone:)...Thanks 💙 Dr. Creepens for 101:00 minutes of your Heavenly voice 😇🥰😇 and cheers 🥂 for the Incredible Narration and story 🤟🏼💙🖤🤟🏼 be safe everyone okay 💋 much love Sexy Grandma Darkness ✌🏼❤️
Great job! You always put just the right amount of sound effects in. Love the cars rolling by at the beginning. 🛣️🛻.. the effects volume is just right also for those of us being lulled to sleep. I've tried other narrators with no success. You are the only one that I listen to ❤
This was an excellent story, very well done! The only constructive criticism I can offer is the use of the phrase "his protective instincts" used too much, where it could have been changed slightly as to not sound redundant. However, this in no way detracts from the enjoyment of the story. The ending was perfect and satisfying. Ironically, I listened to the story while my own black dog, a doberman, slept in my lap. She is very protective of me, but I would never want to be on the receiving end of such a dog's teeth. Black dogs are amazing, both real and fictitious ones. 🖤 I once saw the more mystical black dog during an episode of sleep paralysis as well, and that was pretty cool. (Being a fan of supernatural horror, and having plenty of experiences under my belt, I'm pretty desensitized, haha)
"That's a big sturdy door. Are you sure it wasn't the wind?" If it's sturdy enough to withstand the attack of a dog how is the wind gonna blow it open by accident? Other than that it's a great story ❤️
A Dr Creepen original? Oh hell yes sign me up! Now a Hell Hound is quite the terror. However, they all answer in full and without question to the Hell Cat. The ruler of all Hell born animal creatures. They are NOT to be trifled with. I may just write their story myself? That would require a Re entry into the world of the penologist. Not sure I’m ready to get back in…
Critical analysis: The premise and structure is sound. Character, setting, plot and theme also good; however, at times, too many adjectives and adverbs. Overall, good work!
Thanks! Yes, it was a bit overly descriptive in places; that became painfully obvious when I started narrating it! Otherwise, I think the secondary characters of Helen and Joe could have done more. They were there as red herrings who could have been up to something, but I'd like to have woven them into the plot a bit more.
Overall I enjoyed the story. It wasn't quite as engaging as the last, though I can't give a specific reason. In terms of writing there were two things that stood out. You already mentioned that it was excessively descriptive at points, so I won't bang on about that. The second point seems more relevant in this case - which is the excessive repetition of words, phrases, and concepts. It is inevitable that an author will reuse or repeat some phrasing, but particularly doing so in a short time span or (as in this case) within the same passage typically detracts from the piece as a whole or may become an annoyance to the audience. I would recommend editing these in post rather than trying to alter your first draft as it can be a stumbling block in the creative process to constantly stop and look for a new way to present the material. Personally, I find it much easier (and faster) to locate instances afterwards and then plug in revisions after I've completed the first pass. Though it's not a hard rule, people tend to ignore repetition of nouns, pronouns, conjunctions and prepositions. Prepositions less so than the others. Verbs, adjectives, adverbs and adnouns tend to receive greater scrutiny and should be varied in more deliberate fashion. In this case, there are a few instances of overusing nouns and several of repeated phrases (specifically descriptive phrases). The majority of that repetition can be found within the descriptive passages. My apologies if that sounded overly critical, I genuinely enjoyed the story. I do hope you find my input helpful.
![''The Hollows and the Hills'' | VERY BEST OF DR CREEPEN’S VAULT 2019 [EXCLUSIVE STORY]](/img/n.gif)
This would adapt well as a series
Hello 👋
Ooooo ya! Dr Creepen written and narrated. Best of both world. Tysvm Dr Creepen. Much love and respect ❤️
Hello 👋
Excellent story, dear Doctor! More of your own originals are eagerly anticipated!
More to come!
Excited for a hell hound story and ever more so that it's a Dr. Creepen original!
Love Love Love!
Another amazing story from the one and only Dr Creepen. Keep up the amazing and awesome work.
Wolfman
Cool I agree and Hellhounds are my favorite Hellspawn
@@katelynthewhitewerewolf6376hello 👋
Hello 👋
@@SexyGrandmaDarkness
Yeah and I like the movie series All Dogs Go To Heaven
Ahhh a bedtime story from the good Dr.
Excellent...
Another corker! Thanks for sharing these around Halloween, perfect time for excellent new work.
Hello 👋 my Sweetlicious friend:) how are you doing today? I'm ok 😉 be safe ok 💋 much love Sexy Grandma Darkness ✌🏼❤️
Exceptionally well written, and why the HELL is this not published?
I would say putting it on his channel is better than going the old school publishing route. It reaches a bigger audience immediately, and nobody has time for physical books anymore it seems. Good job.
Bravo Dr. Creepin! I really dig this story! I thought the brother was the hellhound for a long time. I loved the twists, turns, and descriptive elements are really your speciality. Somebody in the comments wrote they could see this being a series and I think they are right. This has the potential for more (if the writer is up for it). Very potent with the hellhound/dog running alongside the parents in the beginning. Was this foreshadowing of the events that were to happen that night, was it to show the parents part in the downfall of this entire family? You brought it full circle. I would have liked to hear more about how they managed to drug the parents as there was no mention of them (unless I missed it). However, it might be good to use this at a later time in order to expand on this story if you should ever decide to. Maybe more as to why? I can understand greed but maybe there's more to it? I think I like this one even better than the last! Also, don't wear yourself out, writing IS exhausting! I'm so proud of you! Fist bump!
Thank you for your very kind words. Actually, the name of the mansion was mentioned by the tourist guide as the destination for the paranormal tour in my previous story 'life's an ocean.' If I have time to continue writing, I like this idea of a very loose anthology.
@@DrCreepen Ah, well there you go! I'm sure there are a multitude of "tip of the iceberg" (or below, whatever) commonalities or threads to connect them together! The possibilities really are endless. Hey, there's no timeline when you have to do it...whenever you have time or whenever the mood strikes. As long as you're feeling it! 💯
You sir are an incredible writer!! You had me on the edge of my seat the entire time. I absolutely love stories with a twist and that one was amazing!! Keep up the great work, you are extremely talented!!
Congrats! Well, written story! Really enjoyed it. Keep presenting you own creations! A prequel concerning the family back story and history of the Hell Hound and why it stalks the family would be great!
Hello, dear Doctor! Such an amazing gift you have for writing and narration!! How you spoil us! ❤
Hello 👋
@@SexyGrandmaDarkness Hi! How are you?
Yes my Dark Smooth Doc. A Pooka Hound from Hell. An Anglo Saxon legend. It appears to take you to Hell.
Hello
Just wanted to say thank you for all you do sir! Your much appreciated. Love your voice, you have put me to sleep lots of time 😆👍🏻 love from Ky ❤
Hello 👋
Wow, thank you!
As I was listening, I could feel the love for the language and a tone of sophistication that I enjoy. It is absolutely delightful to hear that this is one of your own! Thank you for sharing, and I will keep my ears perked for more.
Wow, thank you!
Great story Dr. You've a real talent. Well done and thank you.
Great story brother!!! Thank you for all of your hard work to bring us these amazing narrations!!!
thanks Doctor McCorkindale - looking forward to more of your own work
More to come!
Your OG content is ONE of a KIND!!! It is SUPERB! It is a dog gone good time! 🐕👊😎🐕
Hello 👋
oh no😖
I ❤ this story! You are indeed very talented. This one was better than the other one!
Hello 👋
Thank you DR Creepen for the awesome pasta. I loved this one. Excellent work on both the story and narration. This and the one lighthouse did definitely made my day.🖤🖤🖤🖤
Dr C, your not only an amazing narrator but writer as well! This is just Superb well on to the story
Wow, thank you!
THAT was a good one! I listened to this with my 6 month old white GSD, and our new 9 week old black GSD, they approve this message! Good puppy!
Mr. Creepen can you do a story about a really scary Ghost story please love all the stories that you read.
Hello 👋
oh no😖
Look back about 4 weeks ago he did 2 hours of scary ghost stories 😀
I LOVE creepy ghost stories!😊
@@lisagking8853
What are you talking about now Lisa?
Perfect story, perfect narration, perfect music, perfect sound. By Jove you’ve done it, Doc.
Truly Creepy!!!😮 Thank you Dr. I've listened to it twice!!!!!
Glad you enjoyed it :)
This was pretty good dude. I agree with the other commenters, it definitely needs a trimming in the adverbs and adjectives department, and also the clauses about things being ‘signs of’ or ‘a testament to’ something. I don’t think they add all that much and at times it can make the story feel sort of, meta? Less immersive?
Also, one thing that helps is describing things more specifically - not necessarily just in more detail. Names of places, a strange blouse someone’s wearing, the hole in the car’s bumper - the love child of an unfortunately placed bollard and rust corrosion. That kinda stuff.
I hope this feedback is useful!
Good critique.
Made great points.
Didn’t even realize until you pointed it out.
100% correct.
Very good story(and narration as well), I was shaking my fists at Robert for not believing/understanding Sarah, so that twist got me good:)
Hello 👋
@@SexyGrandmaDarkness hey sexygma, nice of you to stop by here.
Glad you enjoyed it!
Always great stories your the best 😊
Thanks again!
I had to load this story 3 times, I kept falling asleep to the lovely silky voice of the Doctor, great story expertly told , thank you . ❤
The Doctor is in! Thanks doc!❤
I suspected the ending and was not disappointed. Delightful as ever, Doctor 😊
Marvelous!! So well written! Excellent job, Darius!
Thank you kindly!
Great story! And well done with the Aussie accent! You didnt make the usual mistake of making the accent too pronounced! This was perfect. Thanks ❤😊
Thanks! 😃
That was good I enjoyed it , and I loved the accents in this one too 😊
Thank you! 😃
Great revenge-y, moralistic-y tale. Thank you for your work ❤
Nice polite and writing and narrator as well nice twist to story.
I just want to say thank you Mr Creepen for the entertainment, I always enjoy your work.
Glad you enjoy it!
I loved the twist at the end! Didn't see it coming. Thank you for sharing it with us! 🥰
You are so welcome!
Excellent work and brilliantly narrated ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️👌👍🇬🇧🫶
Please keep at your writing and please keep reading your stories to us! I've thoroughly enjoyed all of your originals, the hitman one being my fave :)
Great work Doc! Keep writing these stories with your favorite drink in hand for us to enjoy.
Thanks! Will do!
Boy that nom de plume is a mouthful Doc!😂 but seriously… it was a very entertaining story. I’m always interested in stories about dogs, vampires, werewolves,(!) & witches so winning formula for me & then you write about home as well!
♥️♥️😎✌️
Great job Dr. Creepen this was pretty dam good
Top Notch Narration!
Hello 👋
*Black Wolf Hellhound gets up in Jeff and Smile's faces closeup at the boy and his husky pup and best friend*
Wolf like Hellhound: *deep booming voice* NOW YOU ARE MINE
Jeff and his husky pup and best friend Smile hang onto each other on the destroyed boat
Hellhound: *laughing evilly*
Ok. Here we go. Straight from a hit werewolf to a hell hound interesting pattern? Or just coincidence? 🤔. Thanks DR.
Hello 👋
@@SexyGrandmaDarknesshello 👋
I lived near York, been there so many times! First Perth story I've heard 😊 I was born here, cheers! ❤ also I lived and worked at a racing stanle, south of where I am now, in Serpentine when I was younger... 5am starts. One morning we were feeding and it was still dark, we were halfway through the front paddocks when a HUGE dark dog came out of nowhere. The horses were all unsettled and we ran back to the buildings to get help. That's all I remember.
So cool! Apologies if all the details aren't accurate, but amazing to hear of an authentic hell hound experience in the area.
@@DrCreepen I'd actually never thought about it like that until now, I'll try remember more :) adhd makes my memory like Swiss cheese haha
Great story that hit close to home for me. My hometown has a legend of a Hellhound who was summoned by a local witch to guard the cemetery and woods where she lived.
Another great Western Australian tale from the master
Glad you enjoyed it
Excellent narration and excellent writing ability. I hope to hear more original stories from you, Doc.
Thanks for listening
Doctor, you did a fantastic job narrating this story, as usual, though I think you had a little bit of extra drive for this tale! Please thank our author, Darius McCorkindale for the excellent story! I do hope that he will grace us with at least one sequel to this fine tale! (Maybe, even a prequel? We do not yet know what caused their parents to see and hear the Beast before their fatal accident!) 😅
Can't Wait! What an opening the first minute here incredible prose already xo you can write oh yes u can xo
Thank you so much!!
I love it. Thank you for your story. A series would be awesome.❤
Working on it!
Great work good Dr, while some may not like the Victorianesque descriptive style I fully enjoyed it, I grew up reading Lovecraft, Poe, Stoker, Shelly, etc so I appreciate the details and the tale itself is very good, as I've said before I look eagerly forward to more of your own works
Thank you dear Dr for another dark dream that warms my 🖤
Awesome story and narration Dr C 🤩😍😎
I have to say Doc that your end wrap up which you always do, upon your own work, was my exact thoughts as well. There was a slight bit of overly descriptive language and although it wasn’t “perfect”, as if such a thing exists, it was definitely outstanding. I mean a twist within a twist within a twist? How many people can pull that off? Very few! And it just so happens that you fall into the category of those select few. I sincerely applaud your efforts and hold your works both the written and narrative in the highest esteem. Always have and always will! Cheers for a story that held my attention from Manhattan all the way to my home in the Bronx! And that in itself is quite a feat! However as I also mentioned about the ultimate Hell creature, the Hell Cat, my own personal Hell Cat did hear the end 15 minutes and I swear I heard him chuckle at the dogs attack. As in how weak it was compared to what he would have done to every soul who stepped foot onto the grounds, including the Dog itself.
What most aren’t aware of is that the Hell Hounds are vicious creatures of the underworld. Yet even they know when their superior is present and shall obey accordingly. Oh it’s a sight to behold! Thank you for your time and service for our community of listeners, and it always delivers in such fine style! 👏👏👏👏👏👏
Waiting for the "Dingo got my baby" line.
Outstanding Dr.
Thank you! Cheers!
Killer cavemen or Bigfoot creatures or lost tribe stories please
Nicelicious stories suggestions 😊
Those sound especially intriguing
Right on Right on Dr Creepen 👍🪦👍
I very much loved it. Good job!
Thank you very much!
I loved this! Excellent story!
Hello 👋
Thanks so much!
That was good from start to finish. When I was younger I had been a big fan of Poe and Lovecraft. I thoroughly enjoyed the 'overly descriptive' (your words not mine) part in the beginning. It all worked together well.
Brilliant writing! ❤
Great story!! I find it interesting that they dont see the dog until their conscience starts knocking at their door......
Seein a hell hound is normal down here, now, if you see one being ridden by a Dropbear you best start running.
Hello 👋
@@SexyGrandmaDarkness G'day, how are ya?
This woyld make a fantastic horror movie and a great series
This was wonderful! You should write more for us!!!
Great job, Doc.
Thank you kindly!
Well done.
Remember, there's a Hellhound at your local animal shelter looking for a forever home.
Really good story, Thank You Doc! ❤
Glad you enjoyed it!
@@DrCreepen ❤️❤️
Happy Monalicious 👻Monday Everyone:)...Thanks 💙 Dr. Creepens for 101:00 minutes of your Heavenly voice 😇🥰😇 and cheers 🥂 for the Incredible Narration and story 🤟🏼💙🖤🤟🏼 be safe everyone okay 💋 much love Sexy Grandma Darkness ✌🏼❤️
A story set in Australia? G'daymatehowsitgoinawwright!!!!😅
Great job! You always put just the right amount of sound effects in. Love the cars rolling by at the beginning. 🛣️🛻.. the effects volume is just right also for those of us being lulled to sleep. I've tried other narrators with no success. You are the only one that I listen to ❤
Hello 👋
This was an excellent story, very well done! The only constructive criticism I can offer is the use of the phrase "his protective instincts" used too much, where it could have been changed slightly as to not sound redundant. However, this in no way detracts from the enjoyment of the story. The ending was perfect and satisfying. Ironically, I listened to the story while my own black dog, a doberman, slept in my lap. She is very protective of me, but I would never want to be on the receiving end of such a dog's teeth. Black dogs are amazing, both real and fictitious ones. 🖤 I once saw the more mystical black dog during an episode of sleep paralysis as well, and that was pretty cool. (Being a fan of supernatural horror, and having plenty of experiences under my belt, I'm pretty desensitized, haha)
10/10
We love a twist
Nice
Nicelicious:)
Exquisitely savage.
That was pretty 👍 good!
This is A Topper 👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼
"That's a big sturdy door. Are you sure it wasn't the wind?" If it's sturdy enough to withstand the attack of a dog how is the wind gonna blow it open by accident? Other than that it's a great story ❤️
I'm a bit behind. Nice story.
A Dr Creepen original? Oh hell yes sign me up! Now a Hell Hound is quite the terror. However, they all answer in full and without question to the Hell Cat. The ruler of all Hell born animal creatures. They are NOT to be trifled with. I may just write their story myself? That would require a Re entry into the world of the penologist. Not sure I’m ready to get back in…
I must be really high or really tired cause when you said Part One i heard Auwa 😂
This would be great as an animation
I loved this story! Well done, this is horror done right.
Excellent narration.... shade of Longfellow and Shakespeare?
Critical analysis: The premise and structure is sound. Character, setting, plot and theme also good; however, at times, too many adjectives and adverbs. Overall, good work!
Thanks! Yes, it was a bit overly descriptive in places; that became painfully obvious when I started narrating it! Otherwise, I think the secondary characters of Helen and Joe could have done more. They were there as red herrings who could have been up to something, but I'd like to have woven them into the plot a bit more.
Hey @warrenisdead Are you Horror Babble? If so, I'm a sub of yours too!
@@SleepyLeeeee No, I’m not but I am a subscriber like you. I’m also a Lovecraft fan. 😊
@@Pappy214 ah, lol, I had to ask because of your username. Have a great day (what's left of it)!🙂
@@SleepyLeeeee Thank you. And you as well! 🙏
Spoiler……
Oh what a scoundrel! 😡 But I guess she wasn’t innocent either.
Well done, Dr.! I usually see twists coming, but I didn’t see this one!
Good Ol Straya 🇦🇺
I was expecting fluffy😂
Bloody hell that's heavy going 🧐
Whoop Whoop homies
Smokem if you got them
✌🏻🐵✌🏻
❤
❤😊
Hello 👋
I've been a back road truck driver and a hitchhiker. I can tell you all about black dogs. Don't travel tired y'all.
Overall I enjoyed the story. It wasn't quite as engaging as the last, though I can't give a specific reason. In terms of writing there were two things that stood out. You already mentioned that it was excessively descriptive at points, so I won't bang on about that. The second point seems more relevant in this case - which is the excessive repetition of words, phrases, and concepts. It is inevitable that an author will reuse or repeat some phrasing, but particularly doing so in a short time span or (as in this case) within the same passage typically detracts from the piece as a whole or may become an annoyance to the audience. I would recommend editing these in post rather than trying to alter your first draft as it can be a stumbling block in the creative process to constantly stop and look for a new way to present the material. Personally, I find it much easier (and faster) to locate instances afterwards and then plug in revisions after I've completed the first pass.
Though it's not a hard rule, people tend to ignore repetition of nouns, pronouns, conjunctions and prepositions. Prepositions less so than the others. Verbs, adjectives, adverbs and adnouns tend to receive greater scrutiny and should be varied in more deliberate fashion. In this case, there are a few instances of overusing nouns and several of repeated phrases (specifically descriptive phrases). The majority of that repetition can be found within the descriptive passages.
My apologies if that sounded overly critical, I genuinely enjoyed the story. I do hope you find my input helpful.
I'm still a novice writer; bear with me!
This title completely describes my dog Amberjack (Chihuahua)