This was one of the best messages and hardest lesson I had to learn.. thank you for this.. ITS NOT ABOUT YOU.. and sometimes we pick the fights ourselves, and ITS NOT ABOUT "THEM" .. there is something else there, some other trigger or defense mechanism being triggered. Its hard to learn other peoples triggers sometimes and not become defensive, and its hard to show up as the man you want to be some times with all the confusion and fear we have. But its worth it and I hope I am able to do this better in the future..I took notes from this video, just to remind myself. Keep it on my phone.. Thanks again.
Yes, it is worth it. Thanks for sharing your insight...when we're attacking, it's usually "not about them". Perfect. You're on a great path. Strength to you, brother.
Sometimes it’s the person who makes the drama that accuses the other person for making drama. My husband always gets upset and blames me when he can’t find his things, making a lot of drama about ‘he can never find his things and he obviously doesn’t matter in this house, because he has nowhere he can place his stuff because of everybody else’s stuff is everywhere etc etc’ when in fact I try hard to leave his things in plain sight where he left them, but often someone (mostly him) without knowing, places other things over it so it is no longer visible. And when I help him looking for it, and I finally get upset because he gets angry with me for having some ‘evil’ agenda about ‘hiding’ his things and ‘doesn’t care about him’, he ironically turns it around: «I don’t understand why you make such a big deal about everything. I’m just trying to find my stuff.» And that’s his truth about the situation: I made the drama. If I try to explain that I really try hard to place his things so he can find them, and really love him and care about him, therefore I get upset when he accuses me of the opposite, I am just adding to his perception that I make a big deal of everything. So I have started to just shrug my shoulders when he starts his rants about something he can’t find: «Sorry, don’t know where it is, honey.» And let him continue his own drama without me involved. And when he gives up and sulks in front of the tv, I silently find the thing he was looking for, (exactly where he lay it because in reality it was there all along, he’s just terrible at finding things.) “Here it is, honey.” He feels and means exactly the same: that it’s my fault, and that he doesn’t matter (now I even ‘prove’ it by being indifferent to him trying to find something, when I in fact knew where it was.) But I can’t do anything about what he feels in that moment, I just don’t engage in the drama and don’t get upset myself. Amusing, actually. He is usually a wonderful person, and his drama making is just result of very toxic childhood where his parents always did the ‘blame game’ for the silliest thing. They still do. Everything must be someone’s fault, and always someone else’s fault, of course. So, I understand where he’s coming from and try not to be triggered myself for being misunderstood. (I really hate it when people are mistrusting my motives, and I get a strong urge to explain myself. Mostly without good result. No one seems to appreciate misunderstandings being solved. They prefer to hold on to their own wrong belief. It’s somehow better to believe that a person hates you, than to admit that you misunderstood something and they actually like you and tried to be considerate. Very strange.)
Hey steve, I dont know if you're the religious type, but as a Catholic ive noticed the parallels between the agnostic virtue you describe in your videos and the perfect virtue of Christ. Pretty interesting to notice as someone who recently converted and who has watched your videos for a long time. You are doing good things.
Hey Zach...can I call you Zach? Yes, we hear that all the time. Wisdom and truth is wisdom and truth...no matter where it comes from. I'm so happy it feel True to you, brother.
Hi Steve. I love what you do. Your wisdom is trumendous and I love your impartation. You have motivated me to start my own journey and created my own channel to impart into others what I received. Thanks so much.
This was one of the best messages and hardest lesson I had to learn.. thank you for this.. ITS NOT ABOUT YOU.. and sometimes we pick the fights ourselves, and ITS NOT ABOUT "THEM" .. there is something else there, some other trigger or defense mechanism being triggered. Its hard to learn other peoples triggers sometimes and not become defensive, and its hard to show up as the man you want to be some times with all the confusion and fear we have. But its worth it and I hope I am able to do this better in the future..I took notes from this video, just to remind myself. Keep it on my phone.. Thanks again.
Yes, it is worth it. Thanks for sharing your insight...when we're attacking, it's usually "not about them". Perfect. You're on a great path. Strength to you, brother.
Sometimes it’s the person who makes the drama that accuses the other person for making drama. My husband always gets upset and blames me when he can’t find his things, making a lot of drama about ‘he can never find his things and he obviously doesn’t matter in this house, because he has nowhere he can place his stuff because of everybody else’s stuff is everywhere etc etc’ when in fact I try hard to leave his things in plain sight where he left them, but often someone (mostly him) without knowing, places other things over it so it is no longer visible. And when I help him looking for it, and I finally get upset because he gets angry with me for having some ‘evil’ agenda about ‘hiding’ his things and ‘doesn’t care about him’, he ironically turns it around: «I don’t understand why you make such a big deal about everything. I’m just trying to find my stuff.» And that’s his truth about the situation: I made the drama. If I try to explain that I really try hard to place his things so he can find them, and really love him and care about him, therefore I get upset when he accuses me of the opposite, I am just adding to his perception that I make a big deal of everything. So I have started to just shrug my shoulders when he starts his rants about something he can’t find: «Sorry, don’t know where it is, honey.» And let him continue his own drama without me involved. And when he gives up and sulks in front of the tv, I silently find the thing he was looking for, (exactly where he lay it because in reality it was there all along, he’s just terrible at finding things.) “Here it is, honey.” He feels and means exactly the same: that it’s my fault, and that he doesn’t matter (now I even ‘prove’ it by being indifferent to him trying to find something, when I in fact knew where it was.) But I can’t do anything about what he feels in that moment, I just don’t engage in the drama and don’t get upset myself. Amusing, actually. He is usually a wonderful person, and his drama making is just result of very toxic childhood where his parents always did the ‘blame game’ for the silliest thing. They still do. Everything must be someone’s fault, and always someone else’s fault, of course. So, I understand where he’s coming from and try not to be triggered myself for being misunderstood. (I really hate it when people are mistrusting my motives, and I get a strong urge to explain myself. Mostly without good result. No one seems to appreciate misunderstandings being solved. They prefer to hold on to their own wrong belief. It’s somehow better to believe that a person hates you, than to admit that you misunderstood something and they actually like you and tried to be considerate. Very strange.)
Hey steve, I dont know if you're the religious type, but as a Catholic ive noticed the parallels between the agnostic virtue you describe in your videos and the perfect virtue of Christ. Pretty interesting to notice as someone who recently converted and who has watched your videos for a long time. You are doing good things.
Hey Zach...can I call you Zach? Yes, we hear that all the time. Wisdom and truth is wisdom and truth...no matter where it comes from. I'm so happy it feel True to you, brother.
Hi Steve. I love what you do. Your wisdom is trumendous and I love your impartation. You have motivated me to start my own journey and created my own channel to impart into others what I received. Thanks so much.
Yeah I agree 💯
Hi Bruno. Thanks, brother. Continuing this work within your community is the best compliment I could get! Stay strong!
I love your job , if it’s okay with I need talk to you about some stuff , nd thank you again