Dr Natalie thank you for your video it's going to help caregivers out I did go through twice of accusations I had to get a letter from the doctor now I carrying with me and I also have a Daily journal, it makes a big difference Dr Natalie be safe God bless.
I write down everything I do, from meds, meals, showers, peri care, trips out, etc., and the times I do them. Being a nurse it comes naturally to “chart” everything. I keep medication logs and care logs in a file made for my mom. I’ve learned to protect myself and my mom in the process. I’ve made a care plan for her. Also a cleaning log. It sounds like a lot, but you have to CYA. You never know, not understand what you’re going through, who may think they need to report you because your cargivee may have messy hair because it won’t stay styled, or they stained their shirt from messy eating, or they refused a bath that day and may be a little stinky. CYA in everything you do.
I am a recent subscriber and have received great information from you. Ive been caring for my mom in my home for 2 years. She recently passed away and I just wanted to tell you made a difference in our lives. Thank you so much.
There needs to be laws in place to also protect the caregivers, that get falsely accused of abuse. There needs to be large fines like $15k and 10 years in prison for those that make false reports to APS. The genuine caregivers are doing the very best they can to take care of their elderly parent or vulnerable family member. False reporting can have serious detriment to the caregiver, that genuinely cares for the person they are caring for. Making false reports to APS can ruin the lives of innocent caregivers. The stress, the mental and physical health of a caregiver is affected. They can be traumatized from the false reporting Sometimes caregivers have to seek therapy/counseling for this.
I just had a case worker for APS. I've never heard of this kind of thing. I've recently have had a argument over my mom and dad's house my brother is so mad that I stepped in to keep him from getting the house once my Dad passes away upon his death called TOD. TRANSFER ON DEATH. My dad ask me to take him to the attorney's office he said he didn't know My Brother got the house when he passes he thought I was going to get it since I have taking care of mom and dad for over a decade with no help from any of my siblings. So now I'm going threw HELL. Because my brother and his wife wants the money in the bank and sell the house and keep the money from the sell. Prayer are very much needed. May GOD Have Mercy on Me And My Precious Dad.
I'm a caregiver for my mom who has Parkinson's disease and neuropathy and other health issues plus I have two special needs brother and sister. I love my family and would give my life for them. Recently someone reported to APS on my brother. I have cried for days thinking that my brother will he taken away from me. Please pray for me and my family.
Thank you for that talk. So many people think that our loved ones have nothing wrong with them. They don't see the simple day to day things that our loved one can't do.xx often very stressful for usxx
Ty for the info..my mom is starting to get frail but still wants to be independent. ..I always worry about her because she tries to do things on her own...like she orders stuff and sometimes messes up the order or gets something that has a monthly order and payment etc...or just getting someone to clean her house...she won't tell me when she does any of these till there's a problem, then we have to fix it...I live very close and I stop in every day and call, text alot..but she keeps secrets...some family is great with her but others know they can stop by and she will help them...if I say something I'm the bad person...she can't afford to help others....when though she complains daily, I'm sure she will outlive me....lol...I like to keep an eye on her food supply and check to make sure her house is OK and nothings amiss. .she says I'm snooping...she was always so organized but not now I find important stuff in the weirdest places which she denies doing and blames me...thanks to you I try to stay calm and listen to her and just try to help her and be there for her..ty
We could not leave personal information in the house because tellemarkers were asking for her social security number and credit cards. Mom trusted these scammers and would get so agitated because she couldn't find her personal information they were asking for. Fortunately all us four adult kids agree on Mom's care and she is now living with my brother and his wife. I take Mom every other weekend to give brother a break. Caregiving for dementia is challenging. I find these videos and Teepa Snow videos very helpful.
This happened to my relative. She ended up caring for her husband with dementia for TWENTY years before he *finally* died. But at one point, during the caregiving process, she hired an irresponsible caregiver who was bitter after being fired. That caregiver called APS and accused my relative of withholding water. My relative had to endure spot inspections for over a year and the APS investigator was extremely nasty to her. It was such a trauma, on top of another trauma!
I contacted Adult Protective Services MYSELF, hoping to get some help. I am in Leesville, SC. I explained that I didn't think I could continue to care for my Mother who refuses to see a "brain doctor" and has now become violent. They responded, "We don't do that." SERIOUSLY???? I have a Home Health care company visit scheduled for Monday. I feel obligated to stay true to my promise to her that I will never 'dump her into a group home'-her worst fear. I can't take the abuse anymore though. Unfortunately, Social Services are not equally funded in each state, I guess. It seems like South Carolina is not able to properly assist clients unless it is a total crisis situation perhaps?
I lost my job due to being falsely accused of abuse of my mother (which my mother clearly said that no abuse took place). Worst of all, the accuser is still calling aps on me even after I lost my job. One stupid attorney just told me that because I live in an "At-Will" state, that my former job is not in the wrong for firing me over allegations. There's no way this can be right!
Thank you for the support of APS. I am an APS social worker. I take my job very seriously and yes we are trained… thoroughly… and have oversight from the state. I brief with management regularly. For every 9 cases that are unsubstantiated there’s that 1 that is that we luckily were able to help the person being abused/neglected. I appreciate your advice to help because the caregivers are so vital for the elderly staying in their home and it is NOT an easy job. AT ALL. I love how you break everything down. Keep up your amazing work and all care givers thank you for doing what you do!
Can APS investigate you in WA State if you are not a caregiver but just a friend? False accusations are being made by unknown 3rd party & not reported by the adult. Please answer, thanks!
Thank you so much for this information, Dr. Natali! I always have to be so careful with my mother’s interpretations of how I am taking care of the house, meals, etc. I love the tip about keeping a journal!
Thank you! I’m gonna start doing my log starting today!! I forgot that it was suggested long ago. Your videos are valuable and essential to our sanity!! Bless you!
The Massachusetts Elder Services just gave me an ultimatum put my parent in a nursing home or get 24/7 care or they will send my parent to a nursing home and I assume take the house and bank account, etc. Started with the local EMT complaining after I had to call 911 like 3 times in December because of various health problems and it just went down hill from there.
What happens to our LOWDs while this process is going on? Who then takes care of them? Then after exoneration what happens? Do we just swallow this extra pain and injury as well? Is there any apologies offered? I’m for the log but it’s beyond challenging with all what is required dealing with our LOWDs in the advanced stages daily.
They can't throw you into prison without strong evidence of abuse, but a phony accusation of elder abuse by an attention seeking dementia patient CAN result in the caregiver's name being placed on a Central Registry of "potential" abusers, and there is almost no recourse for getting off the registry. It WILL show up in certain kinds of background checks, and you are blacklisted from working with vulnerable populations. Teachers and people who work in health care can lose their license or certification to practice their profession.
APS know me well. Reports made from family who are never around reporting on Other ppl... but then I become a concern bc I’m “adult child living in home w/out contributing financially”. After we talk/interviews... the APS person basically says “you’ve got you’re hands full but you’re doing a great job”... cases dismissed. 👍
I wish I could talk to you. My mama has been taken from her home. APS says she will never come home. All this started because our neighbor got mad cause mama needed to go to the ER. They have closed a checking account. The lady is going on lies and twisting the truth. She said I yell at mama and make her cry!!! I'm not like that. I prayed tha God would let me come take care of my mom. This woman and what she's doing is cruel and sick. I've gotten a lawyer.
Yeah it happened to me, too! It was awful. Took me by surprise when the investigator showed up. He was really nice, though. I found out who reported me and why and it was a huge misunderstanding. Unfortunately, i could not keep my cool with the person who filed the report but she apologized and i forgave her. Didn't forget, though. She is no longer welcome in my home.
@@joannasunday Sad part about being reported to APS: Regardless if it is now closed, APS ALWAYS has a file on you until the day you die. The paperwork has been established and that cannot be erased. Much akin to being a felon with a police record. Even if your case is closed now, it can always be re-opened at any time if someone else (or the person who first did this to you) reports you again, regardless if the accusations against you are true or false. Always be on your best behavior in your community. Rub the wrong person the wrong way and the next thing you know another (or the same) APS case worker will knock on your door again.
Same here I just got reported also but this ASP social worker doesn’t ask question about anything but what makes me angry when your case gets handed to another person.
@@spiritualwolf3849 you will be fine, it was quick for me. They did do an Inspection. Ask a lot of questions etc. And once it was over I haven't heard a word. In fact the brother and wife that reported me have apologized. Best of luck and keep your head up. Aps was very fair with me.
@@spiritualwolf3849 they won't and be careful to keep your emotions in check. They have an intake person then will assign an investigator. Mine was very fair. Just answer honestly and if you need help just tell them. They will find different groups to help you. They have a lot of resources.
Unfortunately you cannot trust aps.. in my situation I was taking care of my father and unbeknownst to me my step family are Freemasons so when the Freemasons are involved with the court system in a town that I'm not from after spending 31 days in jail my step sibling took 20 k out of my dad's checking account.. even though my dad had POA is in placefrom the day I moved to his town.. I simply could not fight the court system with the Freemasons involved.. all judges are also Freemasons.. so beware know who you're messing with because I unfortunately lost my father who I was caring for and he's now in a nursing home rotting away and I can't even go see him ..so fu## APS and fu## the Freemasons!! You do great videos I just only wish this one would have been out 5 years ago when I was going through this traumatic experience that I now suffer PTSD from and trust absolutely nobody!! God bless all the caregivers out there!!
My beloved Dad was also medically kidnapped due to false allegations and lies made by his family doctor. I'm so angry, he wants to be home, and should still be in his home. He was well-cared for and happy in his home. So sorry that your Dad was also kidnapped and trafficked to a nursing home.
As far is I'm concerned APS needs to be shut down. They lie and manipulate and twist words. An APS social worker lied to try to trespass into our home. He phoned my brother and said that I was in the hospital and that my Dad was home with no one to take care of him. I had not even been to the ER.
I have never heard of APS. OMG. I did have the K9 police officer show up when someone called them when my husband jerked our dog's neck by her leash. (This was after I had paid for 7 hours of training for the two of us as well as reminding him of the best way to work with her (talk to her and tell her what you want her to do rather than jerking.) That experience was hard enough. Fortunately the officer was empathethic when I explained our situation and luckily he believed me.
I told someone in confidence that my dad has some cognitive impairment, that person told my dad. My dad flipped out and told me he could call APS. I have had to go almost no contact. I appreciate that you said to stay calm, it is so difficult.
4:47 that's Horrible! My goodness. So the people really hurting the elderly - don't get caught and those that are trying to protect the elderly & their loved ones - get investigated Write everything down! Please! It was hard enough for me to care for my mom. And ppl asked me "don't you have neighbors to ask for help?" No. I don't. They didn't KNOW my mom ! I'm not going to ask some random stranger to watch my mom for 9 hours a day when I'm at work. And IHSS ONLY approved 12 hours a week for my mom. She needed hospice care in 2016 ...2 years before she passed!
Wow I'm right in the middle of something with APS here with my wife with dementia to the aps it filed a protective order against me sister who is not helpful at all my wife's sister is who that was they ended up being able to get temporary guardianship from my wife nobody knows denial of her dementia I've been caring for her for the last two and a half years with her dementia with also a disability of her being a cancer survivor on top of all of this yeah I got accused with everything right in the middle of it it turned my life upside down my wife's life upside down we're now together but we're now seeing counseling because of the together I stay calm through a lot of this like you have mentioned that does work by the way I've made calls to cops in the past which they recognize me as somebody struggling with my wife's dementia so some of those what you have to say has work for me in my situation it's still ongoing it's where my house is unsafe things that I've had to do to my house try to keep her in from wandering off and they said that was a problem because they now they think I'm keeping her the prisoner and I don't want her wandering off with her dimensions it's insane that all the accusations that have come my way I've done a lot of background with calling the police in the past because you've heard dementia with neighbors coming into the house and stealing that aren't there does play a big part of her calling the cops and bringing them out and everything like this but what you have to say has worked in my situation but at the same time if you get a bad caseworker with APS which we ended up having can turn your lives upside down where I've lost thousands of dollars a couple of months worth of work because of what she had done with sister working together to get me away from my wife when I've been the only care I give her in her life been married for 14 years been her care give her for the last 12 and with her dimension last two and a half years but thanks these videos thank you so much you're the one that's helped me out through so much of what you have done it's unbelievable and I keep ragging about this website of yours that have been on that has helped me out you're being my only contact through any of this with my wife thank you so much thank you thank
Dr. Natalie, I'm going through this right. I initiated a case with APS for my loved one and they never called me or interviewed me at all. It’s so frustrating, It feels like a never-ending story and a complete nightmare.
My mother have accused me of attacking her with a knife, of which I am innocent. She has been making up stories about me to everyone she met ever since I was a kid. She is a narcissist she tells these fairytale to get sympathy from others. Now she has dementia there are no breaks in her story telling. I literally dread going to see her at the hospital because she always make a scene and a whole lot of accusations.
I hate them.. I hate APS.. and I want NOTHING to do with them! My family has NEVER hurt me and I made it clear to those who came after me! The fact they keep coming is about to piss me off! I won't tolerate them.. I won't I give them the middle finger because I won't tolerate their BS
Thank you for information. I’m having a difficult time with my mom who is insistent on staying independent but her judgement recently has me very concerned. She refuses to give me access to her financial accounts and personal info and I’m limited to how to help without it. She’s still ok doing most things.. but her judgement is inconsistent. I don’t know how to go about getting the legal rights to make sure her rent and bills are being paid. I’m her only child and no other family or others to help. I’m so lost and don’t know where to start .
Dr. Natali did a video a few years ago on power of attorney that may be helpful in this situation: czcams.com/video/BcAoCigc_Ko/video.html She also has a free webinar that you could register for and ask this question: go.careblazers.com/webinar52997920
I couldn't agree more with the person who asks why we refer to them as ," our loved ones". My mother is nearing 92 years of age and has stage 4 Alzheimer's. She was once loved, respected and admired for her tireless role as a mother to us all. Now she is a stubborn and wilful old woman who refuses all help offered or strongly advised by professionals. So, " loved one " is hardly a fitting description. " Difficult, in denial, deluded and exasperating" are adjectives which are more appropriate.
Thanks great tips. My sister has never accused me of that but who knows what tomorrow brings. I still let her drive and although she is still a safe driver she gets lost everytime she heads out and I receive frantic calls from her hysterical when she is only 2 miles from the house. She really loves driving and it does boost her confidence. Not sure what to do? Any suggestions?
Hi TC, It may be beneficial to talk to her doctor about her behavior. Likely, she is not safe to continue driving if she is confused so close to home. Her doctor may have some suggestions or it may be time for her provider to order a driving evaluation.
My aunt was a "safe" driver she left home to go across town, she went all the way across GA. Her credit card showed her buying gas in Augusta she then headed back west with a full tank of gas drove all the way to the other side of GA spent the night in the car in the parking lot of doctors office they helped her and called the sheriffs department in her home county who located her daughter and they retrieved her and her vehicle. They removed her car that day and she was upset about it for a year or two.
PS my mom was told by her MD to quit driving in 2007. She shed a tear or two at the Dr's office and I had to remind her a few times Dr. said no driving. She hasn't driven or complained since she handled it a lot better than I expected.
The doctor finally notified the DMV and they yanked my mother's license. She acted upset for about a week, but now says she never liked driving, so it was her decision to stop. LOL. Frankly, I wasn't really concerned about her getting lost- it was more that I was worried about her reaction times and how she would handle the stress if anything happened. Other drivers can be so unpredictable and her ability to make quick decisions has really diminished. I had nightmares of a child on a bike or a new driver pulling out in front of Mom, and nobody reacting fast enough. Very scary.
We had to disable my mother-in-law's car because she was no longer a safe driver. Fortunately the repair shop had a new number so she couldn't call them. I would call her doctor about your concerns.
Can APS investigate you in WA State if you are not a caregiver but just a friend? False accusations are being made by unknown 3rd party & not reported by the adult. Please answer, thanks!
It takes a long time to write down everything I did for my mom .. I mean it took hours I could not just STOP caring for my mom! I had to do this do that get this help her walk to the bathroom...get her up. .take her to 3 MD apprs on Mondays 2 spots on Wednesdays and 1 appt on Thursdays Always 4-5 spots each week! Life was busy I was only able to type up(in ms word) what was done when my mom took A NAP! What she said. What I said And Her response And if I wen to work...and the care taker came over ..I don't know what was said to her nor what she said. I set up a camera in my mom's home to watch her from my job! My mom only needed 1 friend to watch her from 6am to 5pm each day I went to work 3 days a week. Had IHSS gave my mom 30 hours a week...she could have been watched from 7am to 5pm 3 days a week. No one wanted to watch her on Saturday! I worked each Saturday.
This happened to me! In 2018 some stupid APS supervisor said I was neglecting my mom. No. I asked for an emergency caretaker 3 times. They (APS) said "no. You need to wait" wait? I needed to get to work and it's called "The Bus" I found out way later from an IHSS caretaker that lovingly watched my mom first 48 hours straight Bless her soul My mom was not diagowith dementia until freaking 12 days before her death. APS ppl and thier supervisors are HORRIBLE in assuming the care takers are neglecting them My mom said "get me outta here" and she didn't MEAN it since her words got MESSED UP! duh! Stupid APS ppl. I told all moms MDs that they were wrong. It's not JUST DEPRESSION. she was finally diagnosed Jan 23 2018. I filled out hospice paperwork Jan 25 2018. I was with my mom in nursing home when she passed Feb 3 2018. Thank God she got the DX. No one ... And MEAN NO ONE believed me that my mom had dementia because I have an MBA behind my name. ..but not the letters MD behind my name
You mention to answer questions. Why would you do that? It's none of their business. What happens if you refuse to communicate with Adult Protective Services?
I just had agency on aging show up at our door. They found no wrongdoing a ndthank God my mom is in early stages and only has bad moments. They said that they may be back. Even though they found nothing wrong. My brother wants my mom in a home and I won't allow that to happen until I can no longer take care of her.
Thank you for sharing. However, this is disturbing. For the victims, the elderly who need protection from the people they have trusted, having to provide an overwhelming amount of evidence, only benefit the perpetrators. Thus, diluting the purpose of the entire system. In other words, a waste of resources, and time. While the elderly endures the abuse and ultimately, DIES!
I’m afraid my father’s horrible wife has watched this to cover her ass. She stopped giving him his blood pressure and diabetes medication, starved him feeding only crackers and toast (worst things besides donuts one could give a diabetes patient), and when he slipped off the couch she let him lay for 8 hours til I called to talk with my father. She never called 911!? And now she denies it after signing him into permanent residency and she lives like a queen with zero compassion or care about her husband of 43 years. My father cooked every meal for her! Oh and she’s a hoarder, and hates my sister and I for asking her to let us help them clean the house and make it safe for him. Some time has passed as we have been focused on Dad’s health and recovery from being starved and neglected by his evil wife. Who should we contact first?.. police or APS? Please help
My mom has become very paranoid and tells everyone I am trying to sabotage her and my father and that I am even plotting to kill her. They both need help and I am the only one in the family who is in a position to look after them but my mom threatened to call the police and APS if I come around. I feel like my hands are tied. Thanks your advice and suggestions on this matter.
Just keep giving care and even keeping a care journal. This type of thing happens in the disease. It speaks a lot to your amazing heart that you continue to give good care despite the accusations. Keep up the great work, Careblazer!
Please tell me why you you persist in calling the person we are caring for as our "loved one?" I just can't identify with that and I am sure I am not the only one. It really puts me off! The person I am looking after is abusive, nasty and physically violent....but there is no one else to look after him but me. I am trapped. I do chart, and I do communicate with his dream team (wish I had one). I was reported once for raising my voice at him to wear a new pair of shoes I bought him because his old ones were pinching his big toe (he is diabetic). He refused to wear the new shoes and his toe became infected and a nurse came to dress his infected toe. I was looking for some help from her (an allie that would help ME to get him to wear his hew shoes with the box toe). I was hoping she would have told him to put on his new shoes for her. Instead, she reported me for verbal abuse. When they called him to ask him how I was treating him and investigate the accusation..I could hardly believe my ears when he said: I give him terrific care and if it wasn't for me he would have been dead 10 years ago! I nearly fell off my chair. He said that because he didn't want to lose me..he knows how he will be treated in a nursing home. Anyways, please find something else to call them. Remember, not everybody who gets some form of dementia was a wonderful person to begin with. If they were difficult and stubborn before, then they are 10x worse now. Please comment Natali. Thank you for doing this video and all your videos. I am dreaming about running away from home..
At one time they were your loved one or you wouldn’t have stuck around for the abuse. What do you call the person you’re taking care of and do you have any suggestions? Also, Dr Natali is overseas on duty and these are all pre-filmed before she left.
Someone called them claiming i was hurting my 28 year old wife wtf I never hit her or raise voice to her if we get upset at each other we go to serpent rooms and calm down and kiss after
I needed you But it's too late They made her a victim Council on Aging Yes I needed you But I have been completely robbed of money income Still They are Council on Aging And even now They are aiming to surcharge ME as beneficiary
Dr Natalie thank you for your video it's going to help caregivers out I did go through twice of accusations I had to get a letter from the doctor now I carrying with me and I also have a Daily journal, it makes a big difference Dr Natalie be safe God bless.
I write down everything I do, from meds, meals, showers, peri care, trips out, etc., and the times I do them. Being a nurse it comes naturally to “chart” everything. I keep medication logs and care logs in a file made for my mom. I’ve learned to protect myself and my mom in the process. I’ve made a care plan for her. Also a cleaning log. It sounds like a lot, but you have to CYA. You never know, not understand what you’re going through, who may think they need to report you because your cargivee may have messy hair because it won’t stay styled, or they stained their shirt from messy eating, or they refused a bath that day and may be a little stinky. CYA in everything you do.
That doesn't mean anything They still take their side because of their age You can document anything you want
Janet Savona Haha ok.
I am a recent subscriber and have received great information from you. Ive been caring for my mom in my home for 2 years. She recently passed away and I just wanted to tell you made a difference in our lives. Thank you so much.
My mother passed just yesterday…and these videos helped me keep my sanity these past two years or so. THIS video I needed a year ago…!!
There needs to be laws in place to also protect the caregivers, that get falsely accused of abuse. There needs to be large fines like $15k and 10 years in prison for those that make false reports to APS. The genuine caregivers are doing the very best they can to take care of their elderly parent or vulnerable family member. False reporting can have serious detriment to the caregiver, that genuinely cares for the person they are caring for. Making false reports to APS can ruin the lives of innocent caregivers. The stress, the mental and physical health of a caregiver is affected. They can be traumatized from the false reporting Sometimes caregivers have to seek therapy/counseling for this.
I just had a case worker for APS. I've never heard of this kind of thing. I've recently have had a argument over my mom and dad's house my brother is so mad that I stepped in to keep him from getting the house once my Dad passes away upon his death called TOD. TRANSFER ON DEATH. My dad ask me to take him to the attorney's office he said he didn't know My Brother got the house when he passes he thought I was going to get it since I have taking care of mom and dad for over a decade with no help from any of my siblings. So now I'm going threw HELL. Because my brother and his wife wants the money in the bank and sell the house and keep the money from the sell. Prayer are very much needed. May GOD Have Mercy on Me And My Precious Dad.
I'm a caregiver for my mom who has Parkinson's disease and neuropathy and other health issues plus I have two special needs brother and sister. I love my family and would give my life for them. Recently someone reported to APS on my brother. I have cried for days thinking that my brother will he taken away from me. Please pray for me and my family.
Thank you for that talk. So many people think that our loved ones have nothing wrong with them. They don't see the simple day to day things that our loved one can't do.xx often very stressful for usxx
Ty for the info..my mom is starting to get frail but still wants to be independent. ..I always worry about her because she tries to do things on her own...like she orders stuff and sometimes messes up the order or gets something that has a monthly order and payment etc...or just getting someone to clean her house...she won't tell me when she does any of these till there's a problem, then we have to fix it...I live very close and I stop in every day and call, text alot..but she keeps secrets...some family is great with her but others know they can stop by and she will help them...if I say something I'm the bad person...she can't afford to help others....when though she complains daily, I'm sure she will outlive me....lol...I like to keep an eye on her food supply and check to make sure her house is OK and nothings amiss. .she says I'm snooping...she was always so organized but not now I find important stuff in the weirdest places which she denies doing and blames me...thanks to you I try to stay calm and listen to her and just try to help her and be there for her..ty
We could not leave personal information in the house because tellemarkers were asking for her social security number and credit cards. Mom trusted these scammers and would get so agitated because she couldn't find her personal information they were asking for. Fortunately all us four adult kids agree on Mom's care and she is now living with my brother and his wife. I take Mom every other weekend to give brother a break. Caregiving for dementia is challenging. I find these videos and Teepa Snow videos very helpful.
This happened to my relative. She ended up caring for her husband with dementia for TWENTY years before he *finally* died. But at one point, during the caregiving process, she hired an irresponsible caregiver who was bitter after being fired. That caregiver called APS and accused my relative of withholding water. My relative had to endure spot inspections for over a year and the APS investigator was extremely nasty to her. It was such a trauma, on top of another trauma!
Wishing this video was out when I was a caregiver and accused.
I contacted Adult Protective Services MYSELF, hoping to get some help. I am in Leesville, SC. I explained that I didn't think I could continue to care for my Mother who refuses to see a "brain doctor" and has now become violent. They responded, "We don't do that." SERIOUSLY???? I have a Home Health care company visit scheduled for Monday. I feel obligated to stay true to my promise to her that I will never 'dump her into a group home'-her worst fear. I can't take the abuse anymore though. Unfortunately, Social Services are not equally funded in each state, I guess. It seems like South Carolina is not able to properly assist clients unless it is a total crisis situation perhaps?
I lost my job due to being falsely accused of abuse of my mother (which my mother clearly said that no abuse took place). Worst of all, the accuser is still calling aps on me even after I lost my job.
One stupid attorney just told me that because I live in an "At-Will" state, that my former job is not in the wrong for firing me over allegations. There's no way this can be right!
Thank you for the support of APS. I am an APS social worker. I take my job very seriously and yes we are trained… thoroughly… and have oversight from the state. I brief with management regularly. For every 9 cases that are unsubstantiated there’s that 1 that is that we luckily were able to help the person being abused/neglected. I appreciate your advice to help because the caregivers are so vital for the elderly staying in their home and it is NOT an easy job. AT ALL.
I love how you break everything down. Keep up your amazing work and all care givers thank you for doing what you do!
Can APS investigate you in WA State if you are not a caregiver but just a friend? False accusations are being made by unknown 3rd party & not reported by the adult. Please answer, thanks!
Thank you this scary topic really needed some attention and understanding thanks
Thank you so much for this information, Dr. Natali! I always have to be so careful with my mother’s interpretations of how I am taking care of the house, meals, etc. I love the tip about keeping a journal!
Thank you! I’m gonna start doing my log starting today!! I forgot that it was suggested long ago. Your videos are valuable and essential to our sanity!! Bless you!
The Massachusetts Elder Services just gave me an ultimatum put my parent in a nursing home or get 24/7 care or they will send my parent to a nursing home and I assume take the house and bank account, etc. Started with the local EMT complaining after I had to call 911 like 3 times in December because of various health problems and it just went down hill from there.
What happens to our LOWDs while this process is going on? Who then takes care of them? Then after exoneration what happens? Do we just swallow this extra pain and injury as well? Is there any apologies offered? I’m for the log but it’s beyond challenging with all what is required dealing with our LOWDs in the advanced stages daily.
I am going through this right now with my mother. Thank you for the video.
They can't throw you into prison without strong evidence of abuse, but a phony accusation of elder abuse by an attention seeking dementia patient CAN result in the caregiver's name being placed on a Central Registry of "potential" abusers, and there is almost no recourse for getting off the registry. It WILL show up in certain kinds of background checks, and you are blacklisted from working with vulnerable populations. Teachers and people who work in health care can lose their license or certification to practice their profession.
That's horrible and so wrong. If you have never abused anyone the government should not be allowed to place our names on this list.
APS know me well. Reports made from family who are never around reporting on Other ppl... but then I become a concern bc I’m “adult child living in home w/out contributing financially”. After we talk/interviews... the APS person basically says “you’ve got you’re hands full but you’re doing a great job”... cases dismissed. 👍
I wish I could talk to you. My mama has been taken from her home. APS says she will never come home. All this started because our neighbor got mad cause mama needed to go to the ER. They have closed a checking account. The lady is going on lies and twisting the truth. She said I yell at mama and make her cry!!! I'm not like that. I prayed tha God would let me come take care of my mom. This woman and what she's doing is cruel and sick. I've gotten a lawyer.
Yeah it happened to me, too! It was awful. Took me by surprise when the investigator showed up. He was really nice, though. I found out who reported me and why and it was a huge misunderstanding. Unfortunately, i could not keep my cool with the person who filed the report but she apologized and i forgave her. Didn't forget, though. She is no longer welcome in my home.
How did you find out who it was?
@@louieressy2520 i had my suspicions so i asked her.
@@joannasunday Sad part about being reported to APS: Regardless if it is now closed, APS ALWAYS has a file on you until the day you die. The paperwork has been established and that cannot be erased. Much akin to being a felon with a police record. Even if your case is closed now, it can always be re-opened at any time if someone else (or the person who first did this to you) reports you again, regardless if the accusations against you are true or false. Always be on your best behavior in your community. Rub the wrong person the wrong way and the next thing you know another (or the same) APS case worker will knock on your door again.
@@MoniqueFromPlymouth thank you!
@@MoniqueFromPlymouth also, Mom has passed so maybe it doesn't matter anymore.
I was just accused and it is heart breaking to me that anyone could think I did something like this.
I'm in the same shoes. I agree that it's heart-breaking. Devastating, really.
Same here I just got reported also but this ASP social worker doesn’t ask question about anything but what makes me angry when your case gets handed to another person.
@@spiritualwolf3849 you will be fine, it was quick for me. They did do an Inspection. Ask a lot of questions etc. And once it was over I haven't heard a word. In fact the brother and wife that reported me have apologized. Best of luck and keep your head up. Aps was very fair with me.
@@spiritualwolf3849 they won't and be careful to keep your emotions in check. They have an intake person then will assign an investigator. Mine was very fair. Just answer honestly and if you need help just tell them. They will find different groups to help you. They have a lot of resources.
Unfortunately you cannot trust aps.. in my situation I was taking care of my father and unbeknownst to me my step family are Freemasons so when the Freemasons are involved with the court system in a town that I'm not from after spending 31 days in jail my step sibling took 20 k out of my dad's checking account.. even though my dad had POA is in placefrom the day I moved to his town.. I simply could not fight the court system with the Freemasons involved.. all judges are also Freemasons.. so beware know who you're messing with because I unfortunately lost my father who I was caring for and he's now in a nursing home rotting away and I can't even go see him ..so fu## APS and fu## the Freemasons!! You do great videos I just only wish this one would have been out 5 years ago when I was going through this traumatic experience that I now suffer PTSD from and trust absolutely nobody!! God bless all the caregivers out there!!
My beloved Dad was also medically kidnapped due to false allegations and lies made by his family doctor. I'm so angry, he wants to be home, and should still be in his home. He was well-cared for and happy in his home. So sorry that your Dad was also kidnapped and trafficked to a nursing home.
As far is I'm concerned APS needs to be shut down. They lie and manipulate and twist words. An APS social worker lied to try to trespass into our home. He phoned my brother and said that I was in the hospital and that my Dad was home with no one to take care of him. I had not even been to the ER.
I have never heard of APS. OMG. I did have the K9 police officer show up when someone called them when my husband jerked our dog's neck by her leash. (This was after I had paid for 7 hours of training for the two of us as well as reminding him of the best way to work with her (talk to her and tell her what you want her to do rather than jerking.) That experience was hard enough. Fortunately the officer was empathethic when I explained our situation and luckily he believed me.
I told someone in confidence that my dad has some cognitive impairment, that person told my dad. My dad flipped out and told me he could call APS. I have had to go almost no contact.
I appreciate that you said to stay calm, it is so difficult.
4:47 that's Horrible! My goodness.
So the people really hurting the elderly - don't get caught and those that are trying to protect the elderly & their loved ones - get investigated
Write everything down! Please! It was hard enough for me to care for my mom. And ppl asked me "don't you have neighbors to ask for help?"
No. I don't. They didn't KNOW my mom !
I'm not going to ask some random stranger to watch my mom for 9 hours a day when I'm at work.
And IHSS ONLY approved 12 hours a week for my mom.
She needed hospice care in 2016 ...2 years before she passed!
My mother told me she hates me and shes calling DCF ... Thank you for this video
Everything you have said is absolutely true and exactly where I am right now.
Great work 🙂 thank you, and Guinness too
Thank you for doing this video. 💜
Wow I'm right in the middle of something with APS here with my wife with dementia to the aps it filed a protective order against me sister who is not helpful at all my wife's sister is who that was they ended up being able to get temporary guardianship from my wife nobody knows denial of her dementia I've been caring for her for the last two and a half years with her dementia with also a disability of her being a cancer survivor on top of all of this yeah I got accused with everything right in the middle of it it turned my life upside down my wife's life upside down we're now together but we're now seeing counseling because of the together I stay calm through a lot of this like you have mentioned that does work by the way I've made calls to cops in the past which they recognize me as somebody struggling with my wife's dementia so some of those what you have to say has work for me in my situation it's still ongoing it's where my house is unsafe things that I've had to do to my house try to keep her in from wandering off and they said that was a problem because they now they think I'm keeping her the prisoner and I don't want her wandering off with her dimensions it's insane that all the accusations that have come my way I've done a lot of background with calling the police in the past because you've heard dementia with neighbors coming into the house and stealing that aren't there does play a big part of her calling the cops and bringing them out and everything like this but what you have to say has worked in my situation but at the same time if you get a bad caseworker with APS which we ended up having can turn your lives upside down where I've lost thousands of dollars a couple of months worth of work because of what she had done with sister working together to get me away from my wife when I've been the only care I give her in her life been married for 14 years been her care give her for the last 12 and with her dimension last two and a half years but thanks these videos thank you so much you're the one that's helped me out through so much of what you have done it's unbelievable and I keep ragging about this website of yours that have been on that has helped me out you're being my only contact through any of this with my wife thank you so much thank you thank
Some one false accusations me and my aid because I never contacted adult protection service
Dr. Natalie, I'm going through this right. I initiated a case with APS for my loved one and they never called me or interviewed me at all. It’s so frustrating, It feels like a never-ending story and a complete nightmare.
My mother have accused me of attacking her with a knife, of which I am innocent. She has been making up stories about me to everyone she met ever since I was a kid. She is a narcissist she tells these fairytale to get sympathy from others. Now she has dementia there are no breaks in her story telling.
I literally dread going to see her at the hospital because she always make a scene and a whole lot of accusations.
I hate them.. I hate APS.. and I want NOTHING to do with them! My family has NEVER hurt me and I made it clear to those who came after me! The fact they keep coming is about to piss me off! I won't tolerate them.. I won't I give them the middle finger because I won't tolerate their BS
Thank you for information. I’m having a difficult time with my mom who is insistent on staying independent but her judgement recently has me very concerned. She refuses to give me access to her financial accounts and personal info and I’m limited to how to help without it. She’s still ok doing most things.. but her judgement is inconsistent. I don’t know how to go about getting the legal rights to make sure her rent and bills are being paid. I’m her only child and no other family or others to help. I’m so lost and don’t know where to start .
Dr. Natali did a video a few years ago on power of attorney that may be helpful in this situation: czcams.com/video/BcAoCigc_Ko/video.html
She also has a free webinar that you could register for and ask this question: go.careblazers.com/webinar52997920
I couldn't agree more with the person who asks why we refer to them as ," our loved ones". My mother is nearing 92 years of age and has stage 4 Alzheimer's. She was once loved, respected and admired for her tireless role as a mother to us all. Now she is a stubborn and wilful old woman who refuses all help offered or strongly advised by professionals. So, " loved one " is hardly a fitting description. " Difficult, in denial, deluded and exasperating" are adjectives which are more appropriate.
I agree Mine never was a loved one
Did she ask for this disease...No. What if you have this disease when you get old?
If,I am blighted by this disease, never having asked for it, I shall take myself to a quiet secluded place and face the consequences.
You will not be in the right state of mind to do that
A quiet and secluded place to contemplate the dreadful effects of Alzheimer's is far better than being seen in public and facing the family every day.
Thanks great tips. My sister has never accused me of that but who knows what tomorrow brings. I still let her drive and although she is still a safe driver she gets lost everytime she heads out and I receive frantic calls from her hysterical when she is only 2 miles from the house. She really loves driving and it does boost her confidence. Not sure what to do? Any suggestions?
Hi TC, It may be beneficial to talk to her doctor about her behavior. Likely, she is not safe to continue driving if she is confused so close to home. Her doctor may have some suggestions or it may be time for her provider to order a driving evaluation.
My aunt was a "safe" driver she left home to go across town, she went all the way across GA. Her credit card showed her buying gas in Augusta she then headed back west with a full tank of gas drove all the way to the other side of GA spent the night in the car in the parking lot of doctors office they helped her and called the sheriffs department in her home county who located her daughter and they retrieved her and her vehicle. They removed her car that day and she was upset about it for a year or two.
PS my mom was told by her MD to quit driving in 2007. She shed a tear or two at the Dr's office and I had to remind her a few times Dr. said no driving. She hasn't driven or complained since she handled it a lot better than I expected.
The doctor finally notified the DMV and they yanked my mother's license. She acted upset for about a week, but now says she never liked driving, so it was her decision to stop. LOL. Frankly, I wasn't really concerned about her getting lost- it was more that I was worried about her reaction times and how she would handle the stress if anything happened. Other drivers can be so unpredictable and her ability to make quick decisions has really diminished. I had nightmares of a child on a bike or a new driver pulling out in front of Mom, and nobody reacting fast enough. Very scary.
We had to disable my mother-in-law's car because she was no longer a safe driver. Fortunately the repair shop had a new number so she couldn't call them. I would call her doctor about your concerns.
Can APS investigate you in WA State if you are not a caregiver but just a friend? False accusations are being made by unknown 3rd party & not reported by the adult. Please answer, thanks!
I would never take care of no one I can't even care for myself
It takes a long time to write down everything I did for my mom ..
I mean it took hours
I could not just STOP caring for my mom! I had to do this do that get this help her walk to the bathroom...get her up. .take her to 3 MD apprs on Mondays 2 spots on Wednesdays and 1 appt on Thursdays
Always 4-5 spots each week! Life was busy
I was only able to type up(in ms word) what was done when my mom took A NAP!
What she said.
What I said
And
Her response
And if I wen to work...and the care taker came over
..I don't know what was said to her nor what she said.
I set up a camera in my mom's home to watch her from my job!
My mom only needed 1 friend to watch her from 6am to 5pm each day I went to work 3 days a week.
Had IHSS gave my mom 30 hours a week...she could have been watched from 7am to 5pm 3 days a week. No one wanted to watch her on Saturday! I worked each Saturday.
This happened to me! In 2018 some stupid APS supervisor said I was neglecting my mom. No. I asked for an emergency caretaker 3 times. They (APS) said "no. You need to wait" wait? I needed to get to work and it's called "The Bus" I found out way later from an IHSS caretaker that lovingly watched my mom first 48 hours straight
Bless her soul
My mom was not diagowith dementia until freaking 12 days before her death. APS ppl and thier supervisors are HORRIBLE in assuming the care takers are neglecting them
My mom said "get me outta here" and she didn't MEAN it since her words got MESSED UP! duh! Stupid APS ppl.
I told all moms MDs that they were wrong.
It's not JUST DEPRESSION.
she was finally diagnosed Jan 23 2018. I filled out hospice paperwork Jan 25 2018.
I was with my mom in nursing home when she passed Feb 3 2018. Thank God she got the DX. No one ...
And MEAN
NO ONE believed me that my mom had dementia because I have an MBA behind my name. ..but not the letters MD behind my name
You mention to answer questions. Why would you do that? It's none of their business. What happens if you refuse to communicate with Adult Protective Services?
I just had agency on aging show up at our door. They found no wrongdoing a ndthank God my mom is in early stages and only has bad moments. They said that they may be back. Even though they found nothing wrong. My brother wants my mom in a home and I won't allow that to happen until I can no longer take care of her.
Thank you for sharing.
However, this is disturbing. For the victims, the elderly who need protection from the people they have trusted, having to provide an overwhelming amount of evidence, only benefit the perpetrators.
Thus, diluting the purpose of the entire system. In other words, a waste of resources, and time. While the elderly endures the abuse and ultimately, DIES!
I won't take care of nobody I can't even take care of myself
I’m afraid my father’s horrible wife has watched this to cover her ass. She stopped giving him his blood pressure and diabetes medication, starved him feeding only crackers and toast (worst things besides donuts one could give a diabetes patient), and when he slipped off the couch she let him lay for 8 hours til I called to talk with my father. She never called 911!? And now she denies it after signing him into permanent residency and she lives like a queen with zero compassion or care about her husband of 43 years. My father cooked every meal for her! Oh and she’s a hoarder, and hates my sister and I for asking her to let us help them clean the house and make it safe for him. Some time has passed as we have been focused on Dad’s health and recovery from being starved and neglected by his evil wife. Who should we contact first?.. police or APS? Please help
My mom has become very paranoid and tells everyone I am trying to sabotage her and my father and that I am even plotting to kill her. They both need help and I am the only one in the family who is in a position to look after them but my mom threatened to call the police and APS if I come around. I feel like my hands are tied. Thanks your advice and suggestions on this matter.
Just keep giving care and even keeping a care journal. This type of thing happens in the disease. It speaks a lot to your amazing heart that you continue to give good care despite the accusations. Keep up the great work, Careblazer!
Careblazers: dementia care heroes Thanks so much❣️
Please tell me why you you persist in calling the person we are caring for as our "loved one?" I just can't identify with that and I am sure I am not the only one. It really puts me off! The person I am looking after is abusive, nasty and physically violent....but there is no one else to look after him but me. I am trapped.
I do chart, and I do communicate with his dream team (wish I had one). I was reported once for raising my voice at him to wear a new pair of shoes I bought him because his old ones were pinching his big toe (he is diabetic). He refused to wear the new shoes and his toe became infected and a nurse came to dress his infected toe. I was looking for some help from her (an allie that would help ME to get him to wear his hew shoes with the box toe). I was hoping she would have told him to put on his new shoes for her. Instead, she reported me for verbal abuse. When they called him to ask him how I was treating him and investigate the accusation..I could hardly believe my ears when he said: I give him terrific care and if it wasn't for me he would have been dead 10 years ago! I nearly fell off my chair. He said that because he didn't want to lose me..he knows how he will be treated in a nursing home. Anyways, please find something else to call them. Remember, not everybody who gets some form of dementia was a wonderful person to begin with. If they were difficult and stubborn before, then they are 10x worse now. Please comment Natali. Thank you for doing this video and all your videos. I am dreaming about running away from home..
At one time they were your loved one or you wouldn’t have stuck around for the abuse. What do you call the person you’re taking care of and do you have any suggestions?
Also, Dr Natali is overseas on duty and these are all pre-filmed before she left.
@@5anche5 I call him Archie Bunker!
@@hallamneil That's hilarious. :D
It's too late for me. Adult Protective Social Services already has guardianship of me
Can't you have a lawyer serve as a buffer between you and Adult Protective Services?
my caregiver has been falsey reported by a evil woman I thought I could trust but i can't i have cp & my caregiver is my cousin
Being dependent on other people for care can set you up for abuse
💖💖💖
Someone called them claiming i was hurting my 28 year old wife wtf I never hit her or raise voice to her if we get upset at each other we go to serpent rooms and calm down and kiss after
I needed you
But it's too late
They made her a victim
Council on Aging
Yes I needed you
But I have been completely robbed of money income
Still
They are Council on Aging
And even now
They are aiming to surcharge ME as beneficiary
I'm young even though I do care of my roommate chawnique who is blind 🦯