Forgiving What You Can't Forget - Lysa Terkeurst
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- čas přidán 22. 03. 2021
- Have you ever felt stuck in a cycle of unresolved pain, playing offenses over and over in your mind? You know you can't go on like this, but you don't know what to do next. Lysa TerKeurst has wrestled through this journey. But in surprising ways, she’s discovered how to let go of bound-up resentment and overcome the resistance to forgiving people who aren’t willing to make things right.
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"Feelings are indicators, but they should not be dictators..." wow, that's some of the best advice on feelings.
🔑🔑🔑
Like 👍🏿 50
*"I was looking for a loophole"* said everyone of us ❤️
I discovered when I forgive, that does not delete the memory, it does not delete the trauma, nor the triggers nor the wound. What my forgiveness does is releases God to deal with the betrayer, etc. then God showed me to welcome Him into the wound, the trigger, the shame, the emotions, whenever they pop up and He saturates them and takes them into Himself and my suffering is gone permanently.
Please help me to understand th I s
Un-forgiveness is like drinking poison and expecting the other person/s to die!
Very well said and stated
Ask the Lord to help you forgive. Be honest with Him. Tell Him about your hurt. (Even though He knows). We need to express to Him our inability to forgive on our own when hurt is so deep. It may take time but He is faithful.
Forgiveness yes. Boundaries yes.
He must be a narcissist if he never has regret in his heart. I'm an empath always allowing to be the door mat. Took a lifetime to see the error of my ways.
Forgiveness is a must to heal. Thank you for your story...it helps me to understand my own issues. God bless you !
Definitely encountered such a person plus I was an empathetic that gave bad ppl too many chances. They'll eventually use it to puppet you
Forgiveness takes work/effort. But it's a blessing.
I’m working really hard to forgive my mother
@praveen it's not easy but it's a must to forgive her because she did all she had to raise you. Remember her pain of giving birth to you 💔
@@monaiwegodfrey9012 thanks 🙏. I will definitely keep your suggestions in mind and take it a bit was on my mom 🧓🏾. Thanks again for sharing your thoughts 💭.
Thank you 🙏
“A new heart also will I give you, and a new spirit will I put within you: and I will take away the stony heart out of your flesh, and I will give you an heart of flesh.”
Ezekiel 36:26 kjv
❤️Thank you Heavenly Father in Jesus name!
Amen❣️& Amen❣️
I am willing to forgive, out of obedience to The Lord. He has to do the work of forgiveness in me. I am all for giving (forgiving) it to Him because I can't carry it. It's too heavy. I want to stop hurting myself - I have carried on where the offender left off! The Lord is Faithful🙏✝️💜
I see forgiveness as an act of kindness to ourselves. When we forgive our minds are free from burdens and pain the person has caused us & therefore healing happens. You prevent illnesses to come in as well.
Forgive not becuz they deserve it but becuz we do
@@isabelcabral604 amen and amen
It’s also an act of kindness to the one who hurt us because, it opens doors to repentance. People harden themselves as a defense mechanism. They don’t want to be hurt. They put up walls in fear of rejection. That’s often, not always but, often why there is no communication of apology between perp and victim but, if we forgive and show kindness/compassion. It breaks that hard shell. It tears that wall down. They are then free to repent, apologize, even change. Grace and mercy is dependent upon the giver, not the receiver. Love is the catalyst to changed hearts. Unforgiveness keeps people in chains.
@@Batya-Grace amen and amen. This is very true .
Forgiveness, is the biggest lier and the truth. without God Our's Lord it is a lier. But wit him it is the truth. God will take all the revenge let's be patient.
Lysa can miraculously say exactly what I’m feeling!
You were made for such a time. You were personally hand picked. Don't give up! Do NOT give up! We have already won so keep holding on and DON'T GIVE UP! The Devil is working on you because YOU are not his property! Don't listen to the Devil's lies. None of us deserve what we have been given. We all fall short. Not one is good no not even one. Our sins were paid for on the cross. The world hates us hallelujah! Amen! Grace. Grace. GRACE! Hallelujah!
John 15:18-19
18 If the world hate you, ye know that it hated me before it hated you.
19 If ye were of the world, the world would love his own: but because ye are not of the world, but I have chosen you out of the world, therefore the world hateth you.
Great comment coming from a male!
Thank you so much! I desperately needed reminding of this. The Lord bless you greatly!
Wow thankyou for saying that AND backing it up with scripture, this is beautiful and I NEEDED IT! Thankyou for letting the Lord use you ♡
The best explanation for forgiveness is that forgiveness is you releasing that negative person to attach himself on you!
Needed to hear this. God bless.
Nobody needs to tell me about the faults of others. I can see them every time I take my eyes off my own.
Me too. Pls pray for me, for my deliverance from theae ill-feelings towards the people who hurt me.
Dear Lord, I lift up my friend to You today, asking for Your healing touch over their heart. You know the depth of pain and the burden of ill-feelings they carry from being hurt by others. Lord, we ask for Your peace that surpasses understanding to guard their heart and mind in Christ Jesus. Grant them the strength to forgive, just as You have forgiven us. May Your love flow through them, healing every wound and replacing bitterness with Your grace and compassion. Help them to see those who hurt them through Your eyes, Lord, leading them towards forgiveness and freedom. In Jesus' Name, we pray, Amen.
Remember, Matthew 5:44 encourages us, "But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you," showing us the path towards healing and peace. God is with you in this journey of healing, offering His unconditional love and strength every step of the way. If you need more support, don't hesitate to reach out to the 100 Huntley prayer line at 1-866-273-4444. God bless you, and may you feel His comforting presence today and always.
Just came across your channel and thank you!! I'm dealing with and struggling on how to forgive someone who hurt me. This really helped me in more ways than you know. Keep me in prayer please! 🙏🏾
I'm so glad to hear that our channel has been a source of help and encouragement for you, especially during such a challenging time. Forgiveness is indeed a difficult journey, but it's a powerful step towards healing and peace. It's okay to acknowledge that forgiveness is a process, sometimes a long one, and it's alright to take it one day at a time.
Remember, forgiving someone doesn't mean forgetting the hurt or saying that what happened was okay. It's about freeing your own heart from the burden of bitterness and allowing God to work healing in you. Ephesians 4:31-32 encourages us, "Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you."
As you walk this path of forgiveness, may God give you strength, comfort, and wisdom each step of the way. His love and grace are sufficient for every moment of pain and struggle, and He promises to be with you, helping you to heal and to forgive.
If you need someone to talk to or pray with, our prayer line at 1-866-273-4444 is always available. You're not alone in this journey; we're here to support you with love and prayers.
I will definitely order that book 📕 on Amazon to try to forgive my 63 year old mother 👩 who deeply hurt our family.
Powerful message, wisdom earned through the fire. Thank you.
This lady is telling the absolute truth🌹
Forgiveness has been so HARD for me. I was deceived years ago and I still live w my husband and his three daughters (who are not kind to me)….how can I forgive when everything they do is a trigger. I try everyday to forgive but I have so much hate in my heart that has consumed me. Please pray for my release!!!!
Forgiveness is deferent that letting someone abuse you every single day . I don’t believe God wants you to be tormented and abused every single day . You have the choice to leave . Then you can start the proses of forgiveness and healing……. And praying for those who gutted you for years and years
You should read Lysa Terkeursts book Good Boundaries and Goodbyes.
🙏🏾🔥🤗
Judy Dunagan has a website and book, The Loudest Roar. And her late father, Mark I Bubeck, wrote 'Warfare Praying' and several other books.
Deeper Walk International is what it is called today.
God bless you
Stop being a doormat. Get out.
That’s such a key insight. So many people confuse the decision to forgive with the process and the lingering of trauma and it’s residual effects. And if this is not understood by the offenders any level of reconciliation that is/was available becomes void. You can’t hurt and then try to dictate the process and length of time of forgiveness.
I forgave along time ago but it don’t wish anyone any harm. Go in peace 🙏🏾
Absolutely correct. It sets us free from the people who hurt us and pain in our heart. Everybody has to work out there own salvation. Let them go is another key we can't control what they do.
Amen. Amen
Lord, help me retune my mind to finding the beautiful that still exists in me
Forgiveness use to feel impossible for me in a couple situations. But truly God revealed to me how, why and walked me through it step by step. I am a much freer person. He is so merciful to us. If you seek Him in every situation He will actually walk you through it. God is merciful, He helps us. He is OUR FATHER, no dad wants their child to feel pain. How much more does our HEAVENLY FATHER WANT TO HEAL IT, AND HE DOES.
Gods forgiveness flows through us..This is wonderful!
What about the fear of not being able to get away from them & the secret people they manipulate to do their bidding that are in your sphere of community? I'm not moving but that is a good idea! Thank you 🙏
God bless you
I have to leave my spouse due to long term addiction and betrayal. The pain is crushing.
Very interesting.
100 Huntley often has subject matter that is seldom spoken of in many churches.
Appreciated.
I needed this real bad. Thank you Lysa.
The trigger comment I totally agree with. I was in denial about my unforgiveness until I was triggered. My reaction opened my eyes to the unforgiveness/bitterness that was buried in my heart. Afterwards I was able to seek the Lord’s help to forgive.
watching this right now cause I can't pull up any mercy for Gazans for what they celebrated 2 weeks ago
THANK YOU FOR SHARING THIS. I NEED THIS BOOK
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The bible Clearly says forgive 70 x 7 IF THEY REPENT! Somehow this is always forgotten. If they Repent, if they REPENT!
I understand forgiveness , what I don't understand are those that say I'm not forgiving because I'm not so quick to trust that same person or persons that hurt me.
Because it’s obvious if someone can’t be trusted you don’t allow them to go right back into your life. It’s like saying yes come punch me again. Makes no sense.
You can't trust anyone because we all fall short with our sin! Remember that. We are all sinners! You are just realistic and smart. Some people have to still repent from bad behaviors and if they have not then those behaviors will come out!
Forgiveness does not equal trust. It does not equal the same close proximity in a relationship either.
@tonytackett2885 I tell people that forgiveness means I let go of my right to 'pay someone back', but it doesn't mean I have to reconcile with them. I can set limits re: how much I interact with someone, what I will tolerate or allow. Gray rock interactions has been helpful e.g. be cordial/polite but stick to business-don't take bait and engage more. As I have learned, people who bait you expect a reaction don't like it when you remain calm, and are proactive in your response. It actually will make them mad, so be prepared. I trust the Holy spirit to put the right words in my mouth and the strength to think it through before I act. 'Lord help me' is a 3 word prayer that he will respond to. Stick to this, and it will get better.
LOVE 💙
Forgiveness doesn't require any reconciliation, or even the perpetrators been given knowledge of your forgiveness. You forgive them before God. It's like a contrast being broken. Jesus while on the cross said, Father forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing. It's for your sake, not theirs.
Thank you. Rarely is this subject expressed in this way.
Thank you
❤️ Thank you Ma
Forgiveness is an immense act that only the persons who have great hearts can offer .
I loved this message I have had to learn forgiveness and it’s not easy. My family has had to learn how to not be angry or bitter because when we do we are letting those that lied, were false witness against us and betrayed us win. I refuse to let them hold us hostage in our hearts or give them the satisfaction! God gives us mercy and in return we must give those mercy too. God sees all and knows all he states in bible you will either be acquitted or condemned for your words. God will not leave his children hurting he will use the pain for his Glory and turn your ashes into beauty. Sometimes your disappointments and trials are your biggest blessings!
❤
Freedom to survive...anger is a terrible way to exist.
WOW 👀 !! I really need this book!!
Thx ♥️
Something Lisa said in one of her studies is that forgiveness flows through us, from the Holy Spirit. It's contained in the Lord's Prayer: Forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those that trespass against us. This was key for me. My spouse cheated, then cheated again when I tried to reconcile, thinking wrongly that his love for me in a 10 year relationship would be stronger than his draw towards a young girl that he picked. The hurt has been devastating and I've been stuck. I've tried to forgive, but it was obvious by my continuing to be stuck in anxiety and depression that I couldn't let it go. I'm still dealing w/ the pain and void, but realizing that there is supernatural help to forgive, when I can't even fathom how to get there, has helped so much.
Thank you very much for that message I am coming out of that myself at this time
Glory to God. that takes a huge courage Lisa>
Amen !
So ❤️
Great title
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Forgiveness is not a magic answer to anything.
@P T Philip Mamlinghoohin God commands us to forgive as He as forgiven us. Yet forgiveness, for example in itself does not always restore relationships. It is important but the message is misleading. Choosing to forgive is part of living a holy life along with listening to and following the Holy Spirit leading in all matters.
@@rickiilatino amen forgiveness is not always restoration and you can cut ties with toxic people meaning if they refuse to make changes and can’t be trusted then you are not obligated to stay in a close relationship.
It’s a starting point though
It's necessary, though. It is a process & benefits all. Jesus was emphatic about forgiveness. Emphatic.
Brilliant. Will send it to a friend.
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Same!
You have to be willing or willing to be willing! To forgive. I forgave, but to be healed and forget is a process!
That really helped hear that after the decision comes the process. I got frustrated with myself thinking but I did it, I said the words why do I still feel this way. I understand better now that it takes time.
Read the word of God daily and feed on Gods true love that is focussed on YOU. When you don't focus on God's love, this other hurt can take over. Make a habit of reading daily. Carry a scripture with you about how he loves you and refer to it when those sad thoughts try to take over. God's love for you is stronger! THAT IS THE TRUTH OF GODS WORD. Believe it!
Aghhhh forgiveness-
It’s a tough one.
it is never ever about telling ppl that if you have deliberately hurt others and ruined their lives you should confess otherwise you will be judged
It is always about forgiveness.....give the other the benefit of the doubt and so on
In some cases it is a sin not to be angry.
When an aunt died last yr; I sensed a release in my body something surged up and exited
I felt immediately relaxed and pain gone. I experienced this in the morning and later that day I was messaged that she had died.
This confirms that since 2003 she had put a curse on me when she got the whole family; cousins et al aunts and uncles to ostracise me with lies ...............family relationships ruined lost friends my job
No one challenged her to save her soul...............lives of others also ruined.
My older brother also betrayed me; he died a yr ago when he drove into a truck.
The police told me (as his family won't communicate with me) that his wife is blaming me for his death. Even after 10 yrs no communication
When you are ostracised you are treated as a pariah and blamed for everything ........being used as a scapegoat
I hear you, and I love you. Jesus does too.
Amen🙏
This video just popped into my feed as though CZcams can read my thoughts and offered this to me. I'm totally waiting around for an apology I'll never get and it has been my daily struggle for a solid month now. So much pain could go away if this person just rang my phone. I realize that's not going to happen.
@@itsmeJill sorry to hear that Jill. I wish you the best.
Me too,( I have watched my damaging video for 11 months!) I realized, not only to NOT EXPECT an apology, but also, this person has NOT REPENTED from the words= bad behavior, that hurt me in the first place and can therefore easily do it again! They are actually a narcissist in their personality (look that up) and basically they DON'T CARE about me and were using me for a scapegoat! I actually ended my relationship with them b/c they are a BULLY, but just to me! Narcissists don't have any guilt over what they do when they hurt others! Their life is all about THEM= selfish conceit. I am smarter than this, than to enable this person to hurt me when I can CHOOSE instead to just stay away from them. I did let them know, in a letter, that I have rejected them from now on. (This person is actually a Christian who started a church. They have memorized the word of God, so it was shocking to realize they could actually be so mean as to use me repeatedly as a scapegoat! But also I know of a very very deep childhood hurt that THEY have gone through and are not healed from! They are just unaware of their pain and how deep it is and they still have a need to get rid of it and they are doing it inappropriately!) Remember NO ONE is perfect.! I was fooled by this person. And what it came down to in the end is they just did not like my personality! I discovered I did not like theirs either, it is conceited and braggy and they need a lot of attention and I would not give them what they wanted so they would attack me verbally! This is a relative, so it took quite a big public step for me to end the relationship but it was necessary! You may have to walk away also. remember there can be 100 people in a room but you may only click well with a few of them in order to be friends. It is not a sin to walk away and it is for protection! Concentrate on others and the word of God.
I also had to look at the foundations of the relationships of those I need to forgive they were of old sale not a new creature and Yeshua hamashiach
❤️🙏
I have learned that it has nothing to do with feelings, but with the act. Friends did hurt me/us tremendously taking no responsibility for their acts. Thinking what Jesus did for me, I know I HAVE TO FORGIVE. Keeping the hurt in one’s heart destroys one’s faith and love for your fellow man! Think of Jesus on the cross, asking the Father to forgive those who have done that tremendous hurt and suffering (also the lies spread about Him). Normally nobody does that to you! The feeling WILL follow. Tell the people also that you forgive them! Gods peace will enter your heart! ❤
Telling them in some situations isn't a good idea..it's used against you.
“Feelings are indicator not dictator”. At first I really liked that statement but as I thought more about it I figured I need more clarity. Anyone with better understanding may pls chime in. Here is my logic… when we feel happy we laugh in other words express our feelings. Will the outburst of laughter be considered as dictator of being happy? If not, why the opposite is true? When a person is hurt/sad that person might express accordingly. So how can we say feelings are indicators only and not dictators, I don’t know if that makes sense
🙏❤
I was emotionally abused in elementary school 3rd &4th grade
My first grade teacher was a bullying monster. I’m 67 and I still remember her evil. But she’s obviously dead now and God is the perfect judge. And I homeschooled my children so they would never know my pain
🙏🏼
He❤
I need that book.
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😢
Hello friend I'm new here I've been trying to send you a friend request but it's not connecting, pls would you mind sending me a friend request if you don't
I forgive in Jesus name. But what do I do with family that continues to hurt me? It feels like they drag my heart around.
You can set boundaries with toxic family or cut ties. It does not mean you have to be restored all the time. Forgiveness & restoration are two different things. If you knew a friend ran off with your husband would you still be friends? No. You can forgive and not restore the relationship. I certainly would not. Just because you forgive don’t mean you allow the person to continue to do the same things with no changes.
@@LALady1 Unless people repent of their sinful behaviors then they most certainly WILL repeat them! These behaviors if used against you are toxic. Some people you do need to walk away from to protect yourself.
Why do these videos always deal with offenses that are in the past, instead of those that are ongoing?
Because you have to forgive the sins committed against you in the past to change you and teach you... Give you the power of God's forgiveness to forgive those who sin and hurt you in the present and the future.
Forgiveness seems only for something that happen in the past. Can someone please give me Chrust advise how??? When cinstant abuse from my oppressor and abuser Hiw??? Trauma on trauma, no time to heal
Its easier when you have the ability to seperate yourself from that person but when youre a kid and stuck in repetion ...its different.
What if you decide not to have contact with a toxic parent? Or people that keep doing horrible things that you just know you can’t have a healthy relationship? Confusing because you can’t always restore with people n including toxic relatives.. We need boundaries but I do t think we should keep allowing someone to do the same things again with no change or trust.
I'm not forgiving. I can give it to God for his action, but I'm not doing it.
My husband 19 years abandoned me 2x I choose to forgive him but I refuse to take him back because he's priorities are his friends pastor church and pastor wife and quadriplegic friends ect
My husband life is others not me his wife but his friends pastor church
Consider Aspergers as the problem. They never say sorry. They never change. Good thought. It’s often not diagnosed. It’s a spectrum. Sociopathic comorbidity. Divorce is lonely. Regardless.
l wish l could do this. I find it easier ti simply take them out of my life and stand away from those who have hurt me which has worked over time l have been able to finally come back and no longer feel that pain and anger of betrayal. However what do you do when that person is still in your life? Like my father and my ex husband who l am in business with. Still seening they have no changed they are still the selfish self serving men they have always been. Still having to deal with both these men and having them disappoint and hurt me over and over again therefore making the forgiveness impossible.
Hey, this comment is old, but this woman did finally divorce her husband bc he kept on cheating and lying.
Dnt want him to hurt others
How do we get the book?
Forgiveness is impossible, but I commend anyone fighting that battle. I am resigned to misery.
Take comfort in the fact that NOTHING is impossible With God - Luke 1:37. But, Apart from Him…you can do NOTHING - John 15:5. I’m praying for you!
Don’t resign to misery. Tell God the truth. That you hate that person or incident and you can’t forgive them on your own. He already knows this anyways!!!! I have just walked this road. Be honest about all of it. Tell Him you can’t. Ask Him to help you. He will.
We as Christians have the greatest role model of forgiveness in Jesus on the cross when he said ‘ forgive them father for they know not what they’ve done’.
When you forgive others it sets the stage for your own healing. It isn’t easy to forgive but doing so opens the door for God to begin healing you and the situation.
❤️🙏🏼
The bible
I'm first
Luke 17: 3-4. You forgive if the offender repents. That's it.
And if they never repent are you going to let them hold you in a prison of unforgiveness and bitterness forever ?
We have to forgive regardless.we have to forgive to be forgiven by The Lord.
Turn the other cheek and walk away...done...peace out
@@feliciaallen9439 To be forgiven by the Lord, we have to repent.
@@tracie7698 thank you but I already know that. I just would like to read the book. 😬
If they’re not sorry I’m not gonna forgive them. Even God demands repentance of his followers.
Forgiveness and repentance are not synonymoua.
God only forgives Repentant sinners. Don't forgive unrepentant sinners. However, God doesn't delight in the perishing of the wicked. 🎉
Wow, my comment must have hit a nerve because all the buzzies just came out. I have no money for gas for mylar to take my dog for a ride probably because one of my neighbors thinks we're dating and they have access to my bank account.i lost everything coming here and I wish I was still in Colorado. I wasn't aware you could be in a relationship with someone invisible. Don't know where my assets went. Generosity doesn't pay off in the end, does it?
Stop teaching people things from your heads and not from the Holy Spirit or God's word.
She didn’t spend 1000 hours studied forgiveness, that’s a lie
I found your name on a dating site where a nice looking girl was holding your book. Connecting the dots I looked up your name which led me to this video. I agree with many of these points however from a man's point of view you are dead wrong about what forgiveness really is.
You have not really forgiven anything without reconcilliation and trust restoration and healing of your heart. It takes longer for a woman to do this which is frustrating to a man.
You cannot reconcile with someone who is not willing…or dead.
Forgiveness is an act between you and God which provides reconciliation to Him
In 1 Peter 3:9 Do not repay evil with evil or insult with insult. On the contrary, repay evil with blessing, because to this you were called so that you may inherit a blessing.
What Is God Saying: One of the greatest ways to be a witness for God is to love and show love. We can start by responding in love to those who have wronged us.
I pray you find this helpful
❤️🙏🏼