they claim they love ya but they dunno ya

everything is w/in a camera frame which is why it's so lame
i will always refrain from playing this game
i know it's a bit hypocritical to be saying this in front of a camcorder
at least i can admit my hypocrisy damnit
welcome to me at my most self-righteous
nudists oughta say too blessed to be dressed, there's gotta be more meat on that bone
i never feel alone even tho i might look it
i know you've seen me rant *is that why you left
i wish i could toss you a mint on yer way out cos that's what i'm eating in tribute to yer departure
i get excited doin what God wants me to
i'd rather be trolled than simped at
i hate my sex appeal, i guess i reject it cos i never felt comfortable w/ my outsides
i have to accept that that's what He wanted
we'd be a lot better off if we could just accept things that we might not have wanted
it took me a long while to not feel bad about being different
i'll never be what they want from me
everything is a cope to somebody
i keep fucking this up, sorry bout that vortex
they'll say you're trying to convey sumin way worse than what chu actually meant
you're free to be misinterpreted
you know thismuch, man
counting them would take way too long so just look up at the top, it's around 5.7k
creepers think they know
where are yer headphones at, sorry being a cunt
they were already this way BEFORE social media so...
i might have a buncha videos but i truly hate this shit
just turn it off, that's all you gotta do
have fun out there livin yer life not on yt, you will thank me later i promise, don't JUST touch grass TOUCH SAND
unsubscribe so i can eat another mint

[@tchittenden1]

I basically vomit every feeling I have onto my wife and everyone thinks it's the worst possible thing you can do... but she doesn't seem to mind. I think she'd be more upset if I STOPPED vomiting every feeling I have onto her. It's really important to not get hung up on stupid shit, like words or attitudes, because it's more about expressing temporal feelings and giving/receiving forgiveness. I don't identify with any religion, really, or maybe it's that I identify with all of them but taking these types of risks has taught me the true meaning of Confession.
The most dangerous situations I've seen in life have been caused by people not knowing how to manage temporary feelings, or being afraid of them. Marketing isn't necessary (I think it's harmful), real people want the truth in all its ugly glory and they know how to HANDLE it. Even if it were to all go wrong somehow (it won't because relationships are based on honesty and mutual respect) I would know that I'm only suffering from the consequences of the unfiltered truth and it would be much worse to become a marketable puppet and build resentment for another person because they're not exactly what I want.
There's a certain loneliness to being "powerful" in this way. You probably make people feel "lesser" even if that's not your intention. My wife appreciates all my thoughts, because she does the work to see through them and honestly no topic of conversation is off limits. It took me soooo long to find anyone who would even put up with me, let alone go on these mental adventures with me.
I'd probably identify with you in a lot of ways. I like cringe comedians like Bill Hicks and I have one of Stanhope's Bibles because my wife bought it for me. If you ever find a real "soul connection" that's super intense and real you'll suddenly be filled with fear of losing it, you've probably already learned that lesson yourself. It's very difficult to find the right balance of "independence" and "codependence" but I do think both are necessary to really get everything you possibly can out of life. I don't think this is "mental health" or "schizophrenia", it's humanity and those terms are used to discredit us. You're wonderfully normal, the only paradox is the one being created by all the liars who are too afraid to think for themselves. Even if your life doesn't feel like much sometimes, I swear to God you're doing better than the majority of people and no matter what happens to you, or for you... or whatever you choose to take or leave, you're gonna have something beautiful to look back on because you've got the eyes to see it.

[@iconospasdic6281]

thank you, man. it means a lot to know that it resonates cos the truth is incredibly off-putting but i think that this age is gonna prove that the truth is better i'm happy for you n yer wife, she seems like a good woman. that's such a beautiful thing to have found love n appreciate it enough to not fuck it up or take it for granite. and that's funny you mention both bill hicks n doug cos i get compared to them a lot. i think that most of the "mental illness" stuff is gaslighting. i think that a lotta religious stuff is gaslighting. i was instructed by another christian not to call myself schizophrenia cos it's "their" term but schizophrenia stands for split mind which i think accurately describes the way mine works. and also schizophrenia is stigmatized n i want people to know that, like you said, it just means that you're human n fine w/ it. i've had multiple people after my standup routines approach me n ask me if they're schizophrenic cos they relate so much to me. a split mind really just means that you can't be controlled. many have their minds made up before they know even a quarter of the information. but seriously thank you for all that.

[@tchittenden1]

@@iconospasdic6281 I just like giving people a lot of feedback because so often I don't feel like I get the feedback I would like or expect lol. You're the farthest thing from an "airhead" and I've got the same compulsions to share everything I've learned with anybody who will listen. There are tons of us out here really making an effort to understand ourselves and the side effect of understanding oneself is understanding others. You're not afraid to "make yourself a fool to become wise", you know the value of emotional labor, and your values are based in reality. Whether you and I specifically would ever cross paths, I don't know, but you're doing a lot to make people like us feel safer because you're giving the hope that one day we all might be able to find each other because we do, in fact, exist.
This whole spiritual awakening thing has been pretty mind blowing, I think it's definitely real. You just happen to be very good at it, but you're not the only one and neither am I so we can definitely be sure that we are not alone.... ESPECIALLY if/when the shit hits the fan. "Innocent as doves and cunning as vipers", it's really good advice and I think it just happens to be another way of saying "peak performance" when it comes to human beings.

[@iconospasdic6281]

@@tchittenden1 thank you the whole idea of a safe space has been hijacked by liberals but i hope to reinvent what has been taken away from us. people that aren't willing to do the work don't want shit to do with me, tho the feeling is totally mutual! again, thank you!