Non binary pronouns and they / them
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- čas přidán 26. 06. 2024
- What are pronouns? Why are they important? How can you be respectful and inclusive when you're using them? What do gender neutral pronouns have to do with it?
All of these questions answered and more as I talk about the use of they/them/theirs pronouns, honoring the pronouns of others, and creating educational moments from slip ups in conversation about gender.
Links to more info:
What You're Actually Saying When You Ignore Someone's Gender Pronouns:
letsqueerthingsup.com/2014/09/...
They're here, get used to them: why gender neutral pronouns are not "radical":
www.hopesandfears.com/hopes/ci...
Gender Pronouns:
uwm.edu/lgbtrc/support/gender...
Sexuality and Gender Activism:
apps.carleton.edu/student/org...
Gender-specific and Gender Neutral Pronouns:
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gender-...
Gender Neutral Pronouns:
web.mit.edu/trans/GenderNeutra...
For educational videos about discovering and working through your own gender identity, check out the Gender Resources playlist:
• Gender Resources
To learn more about gender, hear from folks whose experience is different from your own, and expand your understanding of how humans interact with gender, check out The Gender Tag Project playlist:
• The Gender Tag Project
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A. Wylde is a queer and gender nonbinary writer, activist, and travel enthusiast. Wylde publishes CZcams videos weekly on her channel Ashley’s Wylde Life, and is the creator of The Gender Tag Project, a project exploring the complex ideas of sex, gender roles, gender identity, and gender expression, which has inspired over 1,000 individual videos responses.
Her work on The Gender Tag Project also sparked an invitation to speak at TEDxCSU 2016, and she continues to give speeches and facilitate workshops on the subject to university audiences.
For professional and booking inquiries:
Contact@awylde.com
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Honest question- Do you actually ask people their pronouns every time you meet someone new?
I do or I use they/them/theirs until told otherwise (by the person themselves usually).
No, but I do when their presentation isn't immediately clear, and I try to do so more, lately.
I do I use it/thing/that.
I do
@@samuelbealer608 weirdo
Hello I identify as bi-gender, and I'm sorry but I disagree. Its one thing if someone knows what your gender identity is, and they are purposely being hurtful. Its something else entirely if the person is just unaware, and uses pronouns that reflect how you look. Politely correct them, and move on. Is it a good idea to use gender neutral pronouns when they aren't sure...yes!. However you can't expect someone to change their daily interactions with other people because of less then 1% of the population. Also some people might be offended that you even ask for their pronouns.
To be fair though I don't have any preferred pronouns. Call me whatever you want as long as you call me ;)
Europa H2O Alien wait r u joking or not
i agree 420.
too many assumptions of disrespect seem to be occurring, rather than "this is the convention i am used to - no offense." i will try to use "they" when asked out of respect, but when it comes down to laws and other coercive methods to push this 1% agenda, well i can't agree with that.
my appeal to the radical left: if you want the rest of the population to accept your gifts of nuance and increased sensitivity (which are gifts to stiff traditionalists and support developmental and cultural progress for most of us), chill out with the demands and victimhood presentations. not every convention is tyrannical.
and many of us are still trying to understand, so be patient with us please.
Does anyone know if you can use they/them pronouns if you’re cis but feel more comfortable using they/them instead of your gender’s “normal” pronouns?
I sure don't care about people getting offended because I called them the correct pronoun. "It" or the pronoun you look like.
@@gumdropthedutchie9012 Who gives a shit
She acts like I don’t know what a pronoun is
MOOD 😂
I have no idea what a pronoun is, i met some one who identifies as they them, i didn't want to cause offence, conversation was strained..
"She" in german is "Sie". The formal version of "you" is also "Sie". And "They" is also "sie". I think we got a problem.
This isnt German
@@fewfaf4214 yeah but my mother tongue is so german speakers have a problem because we can't refer to people who don't identify with a traditional gender with they/them in german
@@bilvotel3119 You dont have the right to enforce your German rules on English speakers (because it is incorrect in English and we do not want to speak that way)
@@fewfaf4214 Well I don't mean to enforce any german rules on the english language . I am saying that people who speak german can't use pronouns like they or them because our language doesn't make it possible for us. So we (people who speak german) have to find another solution for gender non defining pronouns
@@bilvotel3119 I see....But you really dont.
just keep it simple. "it" covers all the bases
😭😭😭😂😂😂
I thought it was used for animals, but this is going far. I don't mind using them but I'm not gonna ask them for their pronounce every time I meet someone. Although they could tell me. OMG i used they them pronounce how difficult.
Might as well.
Holy crap
This.......thing
I think what would hold me back from just simply asking, is the fear that they may be offended that their gender isn't obvious. For some ppl it may feel like being misgendered.
You don’t have to ask everyone you meet only the people you see every day
I might feel offended by someone asking my gender, or at least confused.
But who cares? Use their name..
@@PhilipposACosta Exactly, I’m a cis-man and I would feel bad if somebody didn’t know I was a male.
Getting offended is a personal choice.
A: How's he doing?
B: He???
A: Yes, he
B: It's it
A: What's it?
B: The pronoun is it!
A: Oh, how's it? doing?
B: It's doing better, thank you.
A: What were we talking about again?
B: My son, remember?
A: Oh yes, im glad to hear he's feeling better.
B: Ugh
A: What..
Hey mate no one actually uses the pronoun "it" it just kinda dehumanizes someone if you use that pronoun
@@othello4689 that’s incorrect, I have a friend that uses it/its pronouns and I’ve seen many other people use it/its pronouns
This is 100% the lowest priority problem of modern times.
I'm so confused.
Me too! How about I just say your name the whole time.
So basically they them means that a person would prefer to be know as they “they are almost done” and “it’s theirs right now” so like they them is like they don’t have a spefcificgender comment if u have any more questions
@@stqrrghoul hi sorry i’m a little bit confused about neopronouns, can you please teach me how to use it? thank you so much!
@@annasxfa so basically they/them means that a a person thinks that their not girl or boy so they are non binary so they prefer the pronouns they/them so if someone doesn’t have a specific gender when using them ina sentence use the words “they” and “them”
@@stqrrghoul you just helped me tons 😭👍🏾. I am so confused and I’m scared to ask my friends cuz then they’ll be like “HoW Do YoU NoT KnOW?” And be all judgmental about me not knowing.
I often feel disrespect and offended when I tell others to refer to me as my preferred pronoun "Daddy" but they look and me with judgemental eyes. So disrespectful
lmao
Neopronouns can be ridiculous SOMETIMES
What
You gotta be about that life. It's not a joke
I find it so interesting how different languages treat this stuff. Like in Farsi there is no gender, the same word is used for he/she/singular they, its just 'u'. Whereas in Arabic and Hebrew there's not only a distinction between he and she, but when there are different forms of the word for 'you' dependent on the person's gender. It must be awkward to ask someone's pronouns in languages where your forced to use gendered language no matter what!
Never in history until nowadays has anybody ever asked the question "what are your pronouns" because they knew this questions doesn't make any sense at all.
Jole Schütz Never in History had anyone sent an email until the 20th century - Obviously Emails make no sense at all!
I’m Arab and want to go by they/them but I can’t. As you said, it’s not only a pronoun problem. Almost every word indicates my birth sex in some way
@@tysfalsehood it does make sense. Before email there was and is still "mail" you people begging other people to call you as they/them he/her she/him whatever tf it is, IS weird and does not make any sense at all
@@dereksmith6693 Yes, but my point being that there are going to be changes in culture that feel foreign and uncomfortable to us as the world changes. Just because something is new and weird to you and your culture doesn’t automatically mean it makes no sense.
Let me get this straight. 1- The person in the video is not saying you have a pronoun problem. 2- You are not the victim. 3- You are not the one being bullied. 4- The person in the video says these things about pronouns as a SUGGESTION not a DEMAND. That is all. Have a good day.
I guarantee you that it's "she" when there's one lifeboat remaining.
Then I feel like I’m talking about more than one person.
Then call the person "it".
@@thechimichanga6914 lol. It sounds offensive since "It" is for animals and things.
@@viniciusmarques9964 Hey, humans are animals. And if the person doesn't wanna have a gender (which is one of the main factors (though not the only one) that makes a human), it might as well be a thing. 🤪
There are multiple uses for "they" and "them". One is used when you don't know the gender of someone. Example: You call papa John's and order a pizza, "they" asked if you wanted it with sauce or not. And the second one is used for crowds and stuff.
@@alumilynn Correct, though Papa John's is more of an organization, so I would say a better example for the first use would be, "We needed another construction worker here 10 minutes ago, but *they* haven't showed up yet."
Another way to use "they" is when talking about people/objects in general, or whose identity doesn't need to be stated. For example, "A sponge is a hermaphrodite, meaning *they* are both male and female."
Making life more complicating than it has to be
Literally
I don't completely understand why someone would want to be called they or them by default, it's so confusing because that's super hard to remember and even then it's really hard to maneuver around and use sometimes
So true, today I had to do mental gymnastics, i couldn't speak
They, them and they’re pertains to more than one tho.
@Ty Pranger I usually use he... 👀👀👀
@-Avery- It would be difficult.
It's not difficult. You're making excuses to avoid learning
@@JosephJohnson-gu5fw nope. I'm a spasnish speaker and They is plural➡ellos/ellas. But, well.....😔😔😔
@@JosephJohnson-gu5fw but there are cases that "THEY" is singular. But, let's say I'm in a room talking with someone and my spanish cousin calls, then how can i refer to that person if in spanish is (he/el, she/ella)???
I don't care how you choose to identify yourself. You can be a pigeon for all I care and I'll call you birdy. But I won't rewire my self linguistically to accommodate one person. There's a language, and while it's ever evolving, there are basic rules. If you're so confident in yourself, no person can invalidate you. Respecting someone is far beyond these things.
It can be used as a singular pronoun, it's grammatically correct.
someone can also use "them" when they don't know the gender of the person they're talking about, or if it's not specified (like this sentence)
i've done that before knowing what a non-binary person is, people disregard the meaning of they/them when it comes to respecting an nb :|
True that faux conversation in this video was so frustrating to listen to. I could never talk about someone and call that person they, them or theirs etc. I
Well said. Respect and understanding goes both ways.
they/them has been used for years. literal centuries, it’s older than she/her.
To screw with mind even more just use "Siya" when talking to these ppl, if they're mad it's not valid, it's the philiphines he/she/it, the same for all. The way I use Spanish "pero" occasionally to replace "but". If not they're not validating others earthling language, it's totally valid to mix english in Asia too. Lmao
If you need someone else's validation in order to identify what YOU believe, why bother believing it.
If you need ME to call you something you're not in order for you to feel like you're that, it means you're not it
If YOU strongly believe that you're something else, why does it matter what other people say, haters gonna hate, if you depend on people believing what YOU are, then you're nothing.
I love this comment.
whoa, I can understand this point of view because if someone called me male pronouns I wouldn’t care, I know I’m a female. I think they just want to be respected since we get called by pronouns we are okay with being called
I will never refer to an individual as a they or them or some idiotic thing like ze or zippity doo da.
they
[T͟Hā]
PRONOUN
used to refer to two or more people or things previously mentioned or easily identified.
"the two men could get life sentences if they are convicted"
people in general.
"the rest, as they say, is history"
informal
a group of people in authority regarded collectively.
"they cut my water off"
𝘂𝘀𝗲𝗱 𝘁𝗼 𝗿𝗲𝗳𝗲𝗿 𝘁𝗼 𝗮 𝗽𝗲𝗿𝘀𝗼𝗻 𝗼𝗳 𝘂𝗻𝘀𝗽𝗲𝗰𝗶𝗳𝗶𝗲𝗱 𝗴𝗲𝗻𝗱𝗲𝗿.
"ask someone if they could help"
Right there in the dictionary.
Talking about been detached from reality.
🙌🏼🙌🏼🙌🏼🙌🏼🙌🏼🙌🏼
I am hesitant to ask people what their pronouns are because what if they think it should be obvious and I offend them by asking?
Never offend anyone ever. People have the right to not be offended and if you do offend someone then the world will end.
A fair concern. A lot of cis people and people who aren't used to or clued in to the idea of non-binary gender get really upset if you act like their gender isn't obvious - especially if they have appearance-related insecurities already. Something that massively helps certain people can be dysmorphic for others.
I'd love to see pronoun questions become commonplace and casual like this and honestly the best way for that to happen is to keep working to normalise them by asking those you meet what their pronouns are. But, personally, I have a rule of thumb to avoid asking about gender when someone presents extremely knife-edged masc or femme to the point of no confusion and/or has already indicated social conservatism in their mannerisms or conversation so far. Sadly these are the people who probably could most do with encountering the idea of pronoun requests but it's a difficult matter to judge whether that chance is worth putting them off the idea entirely via offence taken. I also recommend using non-gender-specific greetings and honorifics with strangers with whom you're not likely to become more familiar, for example greeting customers as part of your role in a retail job.
Like they say, offense can't be given, only taken.
Just use the most neutral pronouns that exist if gender isn't apparent: it, thing.... thing, it! Easy peasy.
one question i have is, where is the line when it comes to deconstructing language and culture to suit a minority group of people? like, who sets the rules when it comes to imposing new social practices such as asking people what their pronouns are? do we now have to ask everyone what their pronouns are as if it is a perfectly reasonable thing to do? is it only reasonable because it suits the non-binary condition? what if i take offense to someone asking me if I'm a boy or a girl? what if my stance is that you should know based on how i present myself, and i consider it disrespectful if you have to ask me? like, i dress and act a certain way because that is how i wish to be perceived. me personally, i would rather correct someone than have someone ask me what i am. thats insulting to me. however, i also do not have the right to demand anyone's respect. im just wondering, if the purpose is to blindly "respect" everyone regardless of their association (or lack thereof) with an individual, then couldn't it be considered non-inclusive and disrespectful to impose that members of society operate under rules defined by a group of people who self identify as suffering from "gender dysphoria," a psychological disorder? would that be comparable to people suffering from depression imposing that everyone be nice to them because their life is so unbearable as it is? who are you to impose that i respect your condition? who am i to impose that you respect mine? respect is earned, not demanded.
i completely understand the purpose of your channel as an educational glimpse into what it means to be non-binary. however, i find that we start to tread on shaky ground when we say people have a "problem," because of how they use language and see the world. its a different story if you correct someone and they purposely call you by the wrong pronoun.. that's disrespectful. however, i can't see how its DISRESPECTFUL to assume based on how someone presents themselves. we are a dimorphic species.. its only natural that we assume based on the two sexes prevalent in nature.
i'm sorry, but im not going to go around asking people what pronoun they want me to use on them as if to assume everyone suffers from gender dysphoria. however, if i call you HE, and you correct me, i will use the pronoun you want me to use.. that's respect.
We have always used the "proper" use of language to identify someone's education level. You see how people are always acting like the "Grammar Police" on Social media to determine a person's intellect. Who decided that curse words were "curse" words. Like the person who continues to use the "N" word and refuses to be educated, you can continue to use whatever language you want to use. Just be aware, some may judge you for your lack of education and you may not care but that is your prerogative.
@@altadustin7774I know you said just be aware but …. Depending on the individual not all knowledge is important, useful or significant. So one’s judgmental opinion is a sense of entitlement because the knowledge they assume or wish to be universal is none essential and useless to others. That knowledge can still be widely known and disregarded. So the one deciding to judge another for their lack of knowledge wastes effort, time, and attention categorizing people as uneducated instead of swaying them toward their social norm through action and results. Just be aware Eventually Judgmental people with a sense of entitlement lose respect if theres hardly any meaning to their words.
Genuinely dysphoric people are one in 65,000 births. The other 99.9% are fakes looking for attention.
The conclusion... this period is great and favorable for people who do not know how to speak English properly...
Watch toms video
@@botersause3627 toms video??
Tom scot's video on gender neutral words
@@botersause3627 Ok, I'll watch it...
I'm "invalidating your identity and dishonoring the way you show up in the world?" With pronouns? Try to imagine the depths of my shame and horror.
What if they get insulted that you ask them the pronouns? What if they feel they are feminine or masculine enough to be determined by appearance?
Then don’t talk to the person. They’re not worthy of your words.
@@imjustlucy_29 thats like 99% of the population. most people are not open to 'what are your pronouns, becuase i want to confirm if you are really male/female or other', it can be offensive. but ok bestie you live in isolation i guess...
@@bassbabs6500 I was quoting a line from a show, “You are not qualified to speak to me” from The Untamed? I didn’t thought it would bother you.
@@imjustlucy_29 that is what is offensive not taking to someone just because they think differently
They're going to find some phony reason to be insulted no matter what you say or don't say.
“ what are your pronouns id like to respect you maybe” 💀 this shit is getting out of hand..
I am not spending the moments of my life worrying about how "included" everyone else feels, and I am putting zero effort into changing how I use pronouns to suit other people. That's just the way it is.
Wait so everytime i interact with a new person, i should start with "hey whats your pronouns"? Think about that. Im pretty sure that won't work
She lives in a woke world
No, trans will tell you their pronouns while introducing themselves if it isn't immediatley obvious. You're creating your oppresors.
Thank you for explaining but I’m okay with using normal speech 🙏
Vast vast majority of people don't go by or want to go by they/them. If you want to be called that, you can let someone know after they misgender you and it should not be seen as disrespectful because it is a very rare trait. Its too rare of an occasion to spend the time to ask everyone this before I say words.
That's like asking someone if their deaf everytime before talking to someone new. Its not rude to talk to a deaf person without asking if they were deaf for the first time. Deafness is a rare trait and it is not practical to preface a giant list of if else possibilities before passing casual conversation in life.
I will use the one I want to use .The one that scientifically is accurate!
“Hard times create strong men. Strong men create good times. Good times create weak men (this where we at :P) And, weak men create hard times.”
― G. Michael Hopf, Those Who Remain
16 years of studying English, and I’ve been doing it wrong the whole time.
Hi I just met you and this is crazy what are your pronouns? 👌😂
awesome video!
+Elsa Rivera Thanks!
So tell me maybe
so basically if I saw a duck it's putting an identity on them and they're not and it's damn right rude.
Ok dude you need a Pheropist ASAP
as a black enby, i can't be the only one who's noticed that it's always the most boring white females (afab) who have such intense gender crises because that's the only thing that can be potentially "interesting" about their identity? it's like they think they're even slightly gender nonconforming and that becomes their ENTIRE identity. i know so many lgbt white afabs whose entire identity is centered around being lgbt. i personally don't go around parading about my gender or sexuality because it doesn't matter all that much and there's much more for me to worry about than someone calling me by the wrong pronoun.
I mean it doesn't harm you if they do that... and being misgendered can suck so extreme reactions are understandable
@@noasteinberger5415 dude just correct them and go about your day
@@pennyw00se did i not? 👁👄👁 lmao aight
Wtf is an enby and afab?
@@ReverbCanvas enby is non-binary, AFAB is assigned female at birth
I'll stick to reason, thanks.
Seems like the logical approach.
If you use 'they' or 'them' while referring to one individual it will cause serious misunderstanding.......and 'they', 'them' pronouns are gender neutral but they are used traditionally to refer to a group of people not one single individual
I’m sorry if this is an ignorant question. I get using they/them/their aka gender neutral pronouns for non-binary, but what about gender fluid/bu-gender? Are gender neutral pronouns still appropriate? I know some gender fluid people who feel more feminine some days and masculine other days but I don’t know if I should be switching the pronouns based on how they feel that day? Confused
Ask them their pronouns ! :)
i don't know much about the topic, but don't they go by any pronouns or something..? sorry i'm not entirely sure!
I always find it amusing when people think they have a right to dictate how other people speak and what words they choose to use.
It's called being polite and respectful to others and being a decent person.
Since when are pronouns about identity? I think I fully missed that point. I thought gendered pronouns have always been about percieved sex, that's why transgender people eventually get to pass. Identities are so different from each other that you would have to have as many pronouns as names but there is no language that has that many pronouns. Pronouns are always a small and non expandable category of words.
nah pronouns are associated with gender, you're not gonna say "she" for an ftm person
They/them pronouns can be used in the singular, it's like this for centuries, but it works when the person is unspecified, either unknown or hypothetical, when the person is literally neither male or female, conversation becomes confusing, without proper context, you don't know if they/them refers to one person or a group.
Use a new word, use "it/its" even though people claim it's disrespectful, "queer" was an insult but was taken.
And the real problem is gendered languages like spanish, portuguese and french, where it's not just changing the pronouns, it's also changing the nouns, the articles, the adjectives and the numerals, even things that aren't alive like a car or a chair are called he or she, South America already struggles to teach millions of illiterate kids and adults the regular language, and France is a country that gave a lot of rights to LGBT people, and they still said no to gender-neutral french language.
Hi, Can I have permission to use this video clip in a presentation for Social Work students at Michigan State University? Thanks for your consideration.
No
Thanks ma'am for educating me! I've had a revelation!
I can now safely and securely identify as an Chrome Toaster and expect everyone to automatically know my pronouns are toaster, toast, toasted. Whew! If not, I will throw a 2 year old hissy fit and shame them not knowing. Brilliant!
Expecting others to ask everyone what their pronouns are is idiotic. Getting bent over someone not automatically knowing or using your preferred pronouns is a personal choice.
Chrome Toaster!! Epic!!
this is really confusing and hard to adjust since ive been taught differently when I started school.
I have a question like how do you talk/address someone with
they/them pronouns
You'd probably use their name when speaking to them directly, as you would with anyone. When talking about them to someone else, you'd use they, as you could do with anyone.
Im a little confused. I'm wanting to try using they/her pronouns but I don't know if I'm going through diaspora or not is it disrespectful if I see how I feel about it and decide that it might not be what fits me? Please let me know i would never want to be rude about it
Hey, Ashley, how do you feel about pronouns such as xir/xirs and hir/hirs and how can someone gain a better understanding of them?
You can't gain a better understanding of made up words that mean nothing and are useless.
Never heard of that. Did you import that from sweden?
@@humandefinitely Yes, they mean nothing. They might as well be Klingon.
@human No, they're not. Those are made up phony words to accommodate 0.6% of the population that seems to think they are entitled to have 99.4% of the human population that has no need for gender neutral language to alter all of society to accommodate them. Sorry, but the universe has been built on asymmetry for 13 billion years now, and it really doesn't care. 99.4% of the human population has no need for made-up Klingon words, nor do we need to refer to individuals by confusing and non-specific plural pronouns. If an individual group in society is this offended by simple pronouns then the problem is with them, not us.
@human Words, speech, and dialect were created from necessity, for humans to communicate with each other with greater detail and specificity. Neopronouns are not created for any reason other than political correctness, to accommodate a segment of the population that chooses to ignore billions of years of evolutionary biology and are no different than flat-Earthers who deny that the Earth is round. It's understandable that those who possess the neurological anomaly of gender dysphoria that causes them to dissociate from their biological gender that is predetermined at conception by their chromosomes wish to be treated with respect. But we do not upend or rewrite centuries of science, culture, and language belonging to 99.4% of the human population to accommodate the 0.6% of the population that has his neurological anomaly.
I dont think its a good idea using the pronouns they them to non binary people because the clear objective of that word is reffering to plural or more people, it would be a little more specific if they use it or he or invented a new pronoum instead.
Its really consufing calling A SINGLE PERSON they or them.
I have a question since I usually use they then their when talking about someone in the past tense or talking about a group of people. Is the they/them singular pronouns mean they identify both as a male/female or is it something else. If they don’t identify as male/female are they just non-binary. The whole concept is kinda confusing even if you ask someone what their pronouns are and they don’t understand how would you explain what the definition of the pronouns for each of the pronouns out there which there is over 10 different pronouns being created. Does some pronouns overlap each other like when someone say they are both a she/her or a he/him and a they/them pronoun. It’s all kinda confusing how can someone be a they/them and at the same time be a she/her or he/him pronouns
The book "Let the Right One In" had this problem going from Swedish to English. (Spoiler alert) in one paragraph on one page you suddenly learn that "she" used to be a "he". Swedish apparently doesn't identify gender by pronoun, so reading it in English gives you this jarring sudden switch of pronouns, announcing the reveal, which kills that actually reveal in the text.
I'm new to this topic and trying to find my values, so forgive me if I make a mistake, but I'm often torn on this issue.
Due to the vast majority of folks globally (inductively speaking) being categorised as CIS, I don't see is as a necessarily malicious act when one assumes a gender pronoun, especially if the reference is towards someone who may hold attributes often associated with gender (Female features e.g. breasts, lack of adams apple etc etc)
So I tend to operate on a once-corrected basis. I will inductively presume gender (as asking pronouns all the time does cause inconvenience and sanctimonious connotations in day to day discourse) but once corrected e.g. "Sorry I actually identify as (blank)" I will out of respect continue forth using their preferred pronouns.
Do you think this is an acceptable balance for valuing their identity whilst keeping pragmatic day-to-day social interactions less cumbersome?
I have tried asking pronouns before each and every new conversation and I often find it leads me into a discussion I don't necessarily want to have all the time (hence cumbersome), and perhaps makes me appear like I feel my subjective values are something that should be a standard, which doesn't tie into my ethical views. Not a good way to start a new conversation :(
I'd really like your opinion on this. Thank you :)
this is completely fine dude. if they correct you, and you use their preferred pronouns, then you're all good
you are thinking WAY too hard about this issue. weirdly hard
@@fewfaf4214 yeah this was FOUR years ago.
@@drbirtles Your point is
@@fewfaf4214 now he’s fully woke I guess lmao
I've only now realised, but I always tend to use they and them pronouns for people who I do not know/know the gender identity of. I always used to think this was just an act of equality for genders as gender wasn't really a known subject of mine, I was only aware of being born with the gender that matches your genitalia but I have recently discovered gender and sexuality (I'm pansexual and non-binary). I noticed that I really hate my vagina mad my boobs make me uncomfortable but not in a way that I want to be a male. And just a tip: if your non-binary or gender fluid, use the ladies rooms or changing rooms because they are so much nicer (sometimes, not being sexist)
shut the hell up
I just dont get it honestly. If some one said "I didnt talk to them" I would think they were referring to multiple people. They or them registers as plural to me. Or multiple personalities. I'm trying to understand this concept and educate myself but...its just not making sense
I definitely understand how it can be a little bit confusing at first. Like all new things, it takes some time to get used to. I use they/them pronouns now, but when I first learned about them, I got it wrong A LOT! Even now I still mess up sometimes. The important thing is that you’re trying to educate yourself, and that you care. You’re doing a good job. Keep it up.
Entonces, ¿cuál es tu pronombre en español?
I got the pronoun mix up all the time in English and with cis people. Like " he is a photographer and her brother is a cameraman"
And also when I was introduced to gender neutral pronouns , I feel ashame. I thought the" they them their " mean like I can use the two gender pronouns 🤦🤦🤦🤦 wish I have saw this video in that time 😭
Pronouns do not belong to people, pronouns belong to grammar. Grammar belongs to language!
You are free to determine which pronouns you use when you speak!
You cannot dictate to me which pronouns to use when I speak!
Ty Pranger :Thanks and please are prepositions which are universally used to denote manners.
Pronouns are substitutes for nouns to denote :
-the person speaking (1st person)
-the person speaking to (2nd person)
-the person speaking about (3rd person)
They also come in singular and plural
If I’m speaking about you to someone, you are not participating in the conversation, and to butt in with requests to use particular pronouns is disrespectful and impolite.
If I ask someone with ‘preferred pronouns’: ‘What are they doing with them?’
1/To whom am I speaking?
2/About whom am I speaking?
What about other ones? I think I've seen zir before? I have NO IDEA what these other ones are or mean! Please help?
+Ahmandah Anarchy They all mean the same thing :] They are words that people sue to describe themselves and others, used in the same way that he/him/his and she/her/hers are used. Other people have different preferences for what pronouns they like used to refer to them, and sometimes you have to ask to find out what they are!
I'm not asking. I call it as I see it! I'm not going to let a young kid like you reprogram me what to say to a man and woman! Its only 2!
respect is so much more than that.
Just tell them, they can fuck off,, they'll feel honored. Question is, who am i talking about right now.
@@phwanta2290 ?
hey i just met you, and this is crazy, but what are your pronouns? I wanna respect you maybe
When it comes to pronouns, I personally wouldn't say you need to ask what they are ALL the time to literally every new person that you meet, but if it were me I would just ask if it doesn't feel totally obvious. We have a new co-worker at my job that's been here for about a month or so and she presents pretty androgynously. Just looking at her appearance made it seem like she really could be non-binary for all I know. She asked for a ride home and we were in the same area so I said sure. We talked for a bit on the way over and then I figured I'd just ask. She just paused for a moment before answering. I guess it just caught her off guard, but said she goes by she, and then we just kept on talking all the way back. It was nice.
I do not want to ask anyone if they want me to use any special pronouns for that person. It would be tiresome, and unnecessary. Also, "they"/"them" are plural pronouns, not for referring to a singular person; using those for one single person will be confusing. Finally, I do not agree with twisting language for ideological purposes, especially when that will go against truth and reality.
I just say when i doubt use they/them pronouns until you find a good time to find out the pronouns they like
No.
can someone refer as they/she or they/him?
Yes.
Why do I have to make new words to be be in my daily vocabulary ? I already used them but do I have to increase it by 80 percent??and how would I know they are non binaries?
It can be used as a singular pronoun, it's grammatically correct.
someone can also use "them" when they don't know the gender of the person they're talking about, or if it's not specified (like this sentence)
i've done that before knowing what a non-binary person is, people disregard the meaning of they/them when it comes to respecting an nb :|
istg this is getting tiring
Or you may insult a person by asking their pronouns when they feel it is obvious.
+Jim Thompson As someone who has the wrong pronouns used constantly, it is better to ask. If they're offended, you can explain your intentions and they will get over it.
Ooh! You said "*man*, they're attractive!" I'm telling on you!
At 1:52 mins during they/thems example they shout MAN! LOL
Best comment here.
the issue is about INTENT. if I intentionally mis-pronoun someone that is shitty. if i do it accidentally, its something that i can improve on with forgiveness about my mistakes
OMG i love your shirt! where did you get it? ;) And, lovely video
+River Walker I got it at aliexpress.com :]
I get confused by they them because it’s hard to say when you are talking about one.
I’m so trying to understand. It’s getting pretty weird out there. Lol. People are going to be offended and that’s just life. But I will personally do my best to try and respect people wishes.
Personally I would call you what you prefer to be called but not everyone is willing to do so. Please, don’t use other people’s perception of you as validation of your existence. By doing so you are essentially living on their terms rather than your own. It would be better that you validate yourself through your own self confidence.
Would be fair except that self-confidence is not an inviolable force. A build-up of several thousand repeated misperceptions can shatter anybody's self-confidence and self-image.
@@DebbieJacksonArtist It is time to grow a thicker skin. People have been calling women “sir’ or “ma’am” for decades e.g.in shops. There’s nothing wrong with it.
But, it was only photographer.
Every new day is another chance to lose faith in humanity.
Very good explained, thanks for the education. I would have been confused if someone told me "i met a beautiful photographer, but didnt talk to them. I would have thought it was several people. But I get it now and thats thanks to you. Unfortunately my native tongue (german) seems a bit more difficult in that matter. We only have he she it and obviously no-one wants to be referred to as "it". Hope they come up with something!
These pronouns are confusing in many cases when referring to a single individual and it just messes with the language. Would one say "they was walking down the street"? or "they were walking down the street"?... and it raises the question of "was they more than one person?" I am all for non-binary pronouns to identify individuals. However they/them already has its place in the English language. This evolution in peoples' understanding that people aren't confined to boy or girl deserves a new word. Using "they/them" just seems like an afterthought to address a growing number of people who identify themselves as non-binary.
Thank you for your comment! Many nonbinary people DO use new pronouns, some examples are ei/em, and fae/faer. It’s important that folks have options, and it’s okay that a lot of nonbinary people just like they/them! For reference, I would say “Atlas went to the store, they were walking down the street.” And it wouldn’t be confusing because the antecedent clarifies the subject :)
I refuse to be forced.
I just started dating a non-binary person for the first time. Luckily I had already studied this topic and knew to bring up the pronoun subject first. Great start. But shit, my no filter stream of conciousness kind of communication is becoming a liability to me. Our language is so gendered!!!! I am a work in progress but definitely committed to doing the work. Not just for this person but for everyone out there.
@Son Goku fuck you. Don’t use ‘retards’ as an insult, it’s highly offensive, for one thing. And the rest, I’m pretty sure you already know is untrue and offensive.
Lmao u had to study
@@thedarksideofthemoon9612 If our society was already built for this, no one would have to deliberately learn about it. But it's not. Frankly it's not very funny. It's sad.
@@madeinkonada waa waa I wanna be call she
@@user-up5di8ln7g fuck you, no one is forced to respect anyone, that’s something you earn
Im too scared to ask anyones pronouns bc i feel like im automatically outing myself as part of the lgbt+ community >_
Soo, there's a plus version?
Yeah, there is no need to ask that.
@@ArthurProMax5G lmao no, it's just faster and easier this way. the + is meant to represent the left out letters of the acronym. like, here they said "LGBT+" and they add the plus to acknowledge that there are more letters - which means identities of course - within the acronym/community. i know that it goes LGBTQIA but i'm idk ^^"
So how do you identify?
Question: isnt it confusing to use they/them (a plural pronoun) when refering to a singular person? Im new in the usa so i wanna get myself educated, i see this is rather important in this context, thank you
Sometimes it might seem a little confusing at first, but it is okay to clarify by using a persons name. So if “they already left” is confusing, it’s fine to say “Atlas already left.” But usually it’s not very confusing. “What did they want?” We say that even for people who use she/her and he/him pronouns.
It’s ok. Most of us have been in the U.S. our whole lives and we don’t understand it either. But really…..when are you ever going to address someone with their pronouns? You wouldn’t ever say, “Hi! How are he/she?” We speak to people in 2nd person.
I have come to the defense both verbally and physically for friends of mine who are gay and or in transition, and I just don't understand this. I respect people for who they are and how they care about others. I accidentally asked a kid whom I knew as a male how "he" was doing and got an earful to the point that I got angry. I put the burden on the people who have come out and publicly changed how they want to be referred as, not on the rest of us who have known you as one way for years. I love the kid and I would come to his defense if anyone was picking on them but I just want the respect I deserve too.
They/them = the pronounces of the evil spirits. For they are many.
Humans can only have
HE/HIM for male
SHE/HER for female
Can you define a WOMAN? - human, created from the rib bone of a man.
If the BIBLE is too hard to read, may i help:
Genesis 2:21
“And the LORD God caused a deep sleep to fall upon Adam, and he slept: and he took one of his ribs, and closed up the flesh instead thereof;”
Genesis 2:22
“And the rib, which the LORD God had taken from man, made he a woman, and brought her unto the man.”
Genesis 2:23
“And Adam said, This is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh: she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man.”
Lets divide the WORD OF TRUTH as bible teaches us to do: 2 Timothy 2:15
Both words: ADAM and WOMEN are nouns:
Adam = mankind. Both, males and females carrie the name; ADAM.
Woman = female humans. WOMEN, name given by male human.
We could also state that WOMEN = origin from a MAN. Which also the BIBLE says: "she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man.”".
So in order to not offend someone I’m supposed to use improper grammar and refer to a single person, in the plural form?
yes
I mean your priorities are to deny someone's identity or to "improper grammar"
if you have a better idea for neutral pronouns then tell me
I Need Coffee No. The thing is most people don’t get it, it’s dysfunctional and confusing.
It can be used as a singular pronoun, it's grammatically correct.
someone can also use "them" when they don't know the gender of the person they're talking about, or if it's not specified (like this sentence)
i've done that before knowing what a non-binary person is, people disregard the meaning of they/them when it comes to respecting an nb :|
How can you do this in Spanish? Since their they/them have a gender. I imagine other romance languages have the same difficulty. Can someone name a few of the 100s of languages that have gender neutral pronouns? Serious questions.
What if I go by any pronouns
That’s valid !!
Just so you know, your pronouns don't make you any less boring lol.
Listen. I am fat. I don't walk around without a t-shirt because i don't want to get laughed at. But I could do that. Same with you guys, you can do whatever you want, but don't expect others to love or like what you do. As long as you don't get beaten or shot at or whatever for what you do, the others opinions are none of your buisness. Do whatever you want but don't force us to things we don't want to.
Facts its also in the bodyshaming category somehow people think fat people shouldnt be bodyshamed and should be proud of it while fat people should be helped to get skinnier yk
Suddenly, everyone is an expert on being an English teacher.
I can't help but feel sorry for this population.
Can natural selection step in please?
or a war.
If you need your identity honored and validated by every interaction then do you really know yourself that well?
respecting someone's pronouns is not about them feeling "honored" as you said. it's just about being respected as a person. i mean, would you like to be treated with disrespect in every interaction? i think you'd get tired of it and it'll eventually get you sad or angry. this is why respecting someone's pronouns is important, to not let them feel this way.
i hope you can learn
Hahaha good point
It’s crazy to think strangers have a right to enforce their ideology.
To be honest.. if someone came at me with this pronoun jargon, I would walk away..
Because I can gauge straight off the bat that they feel entitled and have a difficult personality
This might be a dumb question but it is genuine - when referring to a person that uses they/them pronouns, can I use you and your? Like do you want to go? Or this is yours?
Many of the languages around the world do not have gender based pronouns because they do not have grammatical genders. English, however, used to have grammatical genders for nouns (As in Romance languages, Latin, and German) as it is an Indo-European language. It had lost this grammatical feature for all of its nouns except pronouns.
Definition of They
/T͟Hā/
pronoun
1.
used to refer to two or more people or things previously mentioned or easily identified.
"the two men could get life sentences if they are convicted"
2.
used to refer to a person of unspecified gender.
"ask someone if they could help"
Identifying of They/Them is valid 💕
Nope
Why aren't there more comments like this here
@@vladnightmare Is the person an amalgamation of two or more persons? In that case, I would use "they". If not, the person can select from the singular pronouns "he", "she", or "it".
@@JK_JK_JK some people actually do use it pronouns lol
No.... I will only refer to you as your legal name on your identity document, anything more is at my own discretion
dude calm down, nobody is throwing you in jail for using the wrong pronouns. it's not illegal but it definitely is kind of a butt thing to do. it's just better to use their preferred name and their preferred pronouns out of respect for them
I speak English, in which the pronouns she/her are assigned to people with the female body, he/him to those with the male body, and they/them to multiple people, or those whose sex couldn't be deduced yet, e.g. someone seen from a very far distance where the features could not be made out.
As you readily acknowledge, they/them pronouns are used in English for someone whose gender “cannot be determined yet.” When the only two options are “man” and “woman,” nonbinary people basically exist in a perpetual state of gender “cannot be determined” because the two available options (according to society) are both wrong. So congrats, you nailed it!
"My friend will be here soon, they're running late"
With all respect, how do pronouns represent how much you respect another person rather than just an easier way to refrain from repeating their name or "this person" over and over? Like dont trans people know they live in a world where most dont even run into trans people? Why would a trans person who knows ive probably never run into a trans person take offense and consider me disrespectful when pronouns dont represent respect in any other context?