so this is the new year (and i don't feel any different)
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- čas přidán 25. 01. 2018
- soz this video is a bit somber
i'm hoping those vitamin d gummies i ordered help me out, S.A.D. is real and not a fun addition to ur regular run-of-the-mill depression/anxiety
I very rarely comment on YT videos, but felt inspired halfway through this one. Cheyenne, I don't pretend to know you, but it breaks my heart to see you beat yourself up like this. From what I've seen you are a very capable adult: you live independently; you've started your own business, which you clearly work hard at; your acting career is gaining traction; you exercise; you get your butt out of the flat and to the coffee shop, you have friends who clearly love you, and you engage with the world around you, and all in horribly shitty weather. In my mind, you are excelling. You have absolutely nothing to apologise for. You have done nothing wrong.
I actually see this video whenever I reach that point of apathy and numbness and everytime it helps me open something up and feel a little bit less alone. So, thank you. For this video and for being such an amazing human being.
One day at a time... one minute at a time... one second at a time! Everything is temporary and just know thay you have a lot of people struggling with this and supporting you! You make art which is SO beautiful and it makes a HUGE change in people’s life and people’s perspective on every daily difficulty, because that’s what art does. Life is too much but you’re handling it the best way possible and that’s ENOUGH! You are enough and yes, you deserve to be happy. Just wait, this too shall pass. 💛
I felt the same, when I was living by myself over 3 years. Technically everything was OK, but I was miserable. I knew it was bad for me, but I didn't want to live with someone, because I'm introvert and I love my own space. I just wanted to stay by myself at home or go alone for a walk but in the same time I wanted to someone or something come and save me from this rat hole I dug for myself. Living alone is not a good option for longer period of time. It's great for few moths, but later everyone is feeling anxiety and fear.
I really wish I could talk back to you directly from my side of the screen. It is so strange that the person you were once, dreamed of the things you do now but the fact that it doesn't make you feel better is shit. Please keep your friends around you need to socialise daily or you will lose track of time and feel super lonely and lost. Find something you can look forward to and maybe take a step back when you need one. And girl you are doing great! And your best will ALWAYS be good enough. I promise you. Big hugs from me. 😚
Oh Chey... I feel your pain. I know it well. It used to be a close ”friend” of mine a couple of years ago. I used to describe it as a dark, wet, heavy blanket that was pulled over me. So dark that it poisoned my thoughts. So wet that I felt like my mind was suffocating. So heavy that I was unable to do anything. I was numb and I couldn’t find my way out. But I beat it, Chey. It took a long time but I beat it. I found my way out from under the blanket and I was able to draw a deep breath of fresh air again. The bad news is that I don’t have the code. I don’t have the answer of how to defeat the beast because everyone’s is different. I defeated mine through writing. Writing about my past, my present and my thoughts. But that is not a universal solution. Everyone has to find their own cure. But the good news is that there is a way out. There is a cure, an answer, a solution, a way out from under the blanket. I promise, I’ve seen it. I hope you find yours soon. And I am sending a ray of sunshine and positive energy your way.
I'm so sorry, that you are going through this. Please don't stop exercising, make it a priority. And depression and anxiety and being antisocial is never your identity. You are a beautiful person,.. I feel so bad, because i was in the same place and somehow i'm better now. Don't be sorry, for taking your time,or being selfish. I'll always be supporting you no matter what. Always keep fighting..
i just watched this twice through. i’ve never listened to anything that felt more ME than this. thank you for making this and making me feel less crazy.
Oh dear girl. I wish I could reach out and hug you but I know from my own experiences with depression, anxiety and PTSD that when I'm in that mode, the last thing I want is a hug. I want a fix - a cure, magic. I hate that you are going through this, but I am glad to see you processing. I'm in agreement with Jessica Lewellen about getting your meds straightened out. I know for myself, I hate taking medication and it took so many years of fighting with my inner demons to realize that life is better with them. I too self sabatage, degrade myself. And as I listen to you, I can have complete compassion for where you are. Please keep sharing, keep going - you are gentle and ruthless. Look how far you've come!
I get this feeling to, i hear in a podcast of a women who feel the same as you, and she started to focus on what she accomplish every day, instead of what she misse. She started to write down a list of all the things she had done that day before she went to sleep, to kind of change the focus. I think its very brave of you to put this video up and say "here i am, you wanted me, so kind of take all of me", it is a honest and brave video, and you do derserve to be happy, and what i write first, was just a example to how things could change, but girl, you do you! Thank you for this video.
I first found your channel because of this video, long ago when I was struggling with the same feelings your describe here. Since then I have also discovered I have adhd, which explained a lot. I found so much comfort in your videos throughout the years, and your art is so beautiful and inspiring that I tried to keep a bullet journal for years. Thank you for everything, and also for the Stardew Valley addiction I now have thanks to that one time I saw you stream it :P
We are absolutely completely and totally going through the same feelings right now. And I am so so sorry that you are hurting, but I PROMISE you that you will come out of it. The boss might not get beat, but you learn to live in the game a little better.
also PLEASE DO NOT BE SORRY this space at least, can be a space for you to create and not beat yourself up when you're not consistent. you need that kind of space. i speak for every person in this comment section when i say we are happy with whatever you do, even when it isn't much at all.
Boy oh boy. Chey, even if you can’t feel it, I’m sending you the warmest possible hug you could imagine. This video sounds exactly like the dialogue I have with myself when I’m driving alone, feeling the weight of my flaws. We don’t know each other but you truly seem like one of the most passionate, kind people I’ve ever encountered; I suspect I speak for most of your followers when I say that you’re a ray of sunshine in our online lives. You’re enough! In any state of mind, you are enough.
I have so many words but I imagine all of them will give you little comfort right now. Depression is a soul-sucking illness. I found a lot of comfort and insight from listening to Robert Sapolsky’s lecture on Depression. He articulates so well how debilitating depression is and goes into the biological underpinnings of it.
You are brilliant and beautiful and, if your social media + CZcams presence suggests anything it is that you are 100% capable of doing amazing things, despite your demons. (Look at yourself from the outside like a stranger would. You’re funny, introspective, talented, and you’re blessed with amazing style. So much to envy! Give yourself some credit for being awesome and maybe take a little comfort in it).
And in the end, “The best way out is always through”. You’re much stronger than you can see right now. But you’ll see, eventually.
**hugs**
it's the third year in a row that i end up coming back to this video again at this time of the year. i always get so excited and worked up with the beginning of the year then slowly feel my energy and hope crash and burn again.
thank you for making this i guess. if anything it makes me feel less alone
Your ability to word things in a way that others can completely and absolutely relate to is astonishing - listening to you here was like listening to my own thoughts everyday. I can see from these comments though that you are not alone in this - none of us are alone in this. The fact that you've got through every difficult day so far shows how incredibly strong you are. I know nothing I say here will be of much comfort because I understand how difficult it is to break yourself out of the normality that depression brings to your mind. So, instead of trying to use my badly put together words, I will leave it to Hafiz - "I wish I could show you when you are lonely or in darkness, the astonishing light of your own being". Stay strong Chey, we are all here for you and to us, you are a thousand times enough.
I feel everything you said on a bone-deep level. It's so hard to wait until things get better. Taking vitamin D and adjusting my medications has helped me a good amount this winter. And accepting how I feel instead of getting upset at myself when I don't feel how I want to feel, hah. You're beautiful, I love you
I know some other people have said the same thing - but the constant thoughts of failure/not being good enough are a therapy problem. I've been in therapy for almost 2 years now and its helped with that side of my anxiety so much, i hope you're able to find someone to help out.
Do not feel guilty about “”failing vlogmas”” I loved vlogmas! Okay, you didn’t post the whole the whole month, but the episodes you did upload were amazing! You work so hard and you deserve all the good things in life. I hope that there are more good than bad days to come and that you can be a bit happier again soon. Lots of love 💗
Usually I don't comment on videos but every word you said in this video has been running through my mind this past month. I have been searching for someone who gets it and you do. Thank you for this video.
as a 20-something ∽creator∽ (whatever that means) too this video is like watching myself, everything you're saying is what I tell myself or go through probably weekly if not nightly. I know this video is a year old & everything seems to be better (?) it's strangely comforting knowing that I'm not alone in my deep fears & struggles
"I am waiting for something to wrong
I am waiting for familiar resolve
I am waiting for another repeat
Another diet fed by crippling defeat
And i am waiting for that sense of relief"
just some other death cab lyrics bc I'm no good at comforting words but I love you & you're so much stronger than you think you are
Honestly, I don't think I've ever just sat and cried along to a CZcams video like this before. And of course part of it is because its comforting to know that someone else out there feels like this, that I'm not completely alone in feeling these things that I'm not sure how to deal with yet. Especially the part about how maybe its just me, maybe I'm just as lazy and incompetent and anti-social beneath the anxiety and depression. But also because of how you ended the video, because I'm trying my best too. I'm trying to tell myself that I deserve to be happy whether I fully believe it yet or not. And its comforting that you are trying too, its comforting to know that trying is a struggle too sometimes and that we're not alone in trying to find the answers either. I'm not sure if I am making any sense at this point anymore. You do deserve to be happy and I hope you know that you shouldn't have to apologise for vanishing or being a little selfish sometimes. Sending you love ♡
I feel like I was just watching myself. Just watching myself from the outside. I have no words to describe how much I feel you right now. We do deserve to be happy. We do deserve to feel okay, to feel worthy and fulfilled. But I guess the trick is to be aware that that's not gonna be our reality all the time. It hurts and like you've said, when that bad feeling, that pain comes into our chest we allow it because it's comfortable, because it has been there many times before. And I think we should stop judging ourselves for letting it in. Once we allow ourselves to truly feel, we will be free. Sending lots of love and understanding. Thank you for sharing these deep feelings and for helping so many others like me around the world. Hugs from Portugal.
That was deep and very brave to share with the rest of the world.
Cheyenne, I see your pain so clearly and I got a flashback but I didn’t share my depression bravely like you did. I quit. You’re doing great. You’re so young. I know that feeling of reading and searching and looking for ANYTHING to make me feel better. After every book, I thought I found it and from then on, I was going kick all my bullshit away. Of course that didn’t happen and I hated myself even more. I think it’s not about finding THE book, it’s about finding something that resonates with you at the right time after you’ve had the right experiences. And you’re young. But it’s inevitable and you clearly want to improve. You will find it or do something that will make the hole in our hearts just a tiiiiiiny bit smaller. It will probably never go away, but we will learn to greet it rather than resist it. I just want to suggest Self Coaching Scholars, it’s a program The Life Coach School has. I think therapy is great, but I think Life coaching helps a lot more with moving forward rather than swimming in the past. It’s expensive, but I think the price of your mental health is priceless, because it’s all we really have. Big hugs! Take your time, we support you. Vlogmas was not a fail at all. I enjoyed it a lot.
Baby girl, you are going through a period of immense change! Transformation is never easy❣️ Clarity will come, but the dust has to settle. I went through a very painful time like this recently, but the fog is lifting. We can’t have all the answers at once, but they will come.
Chey, I want you to know that you are not alone. I may not personally understand all of your struggles, however, there are times where I can go from beating myself up and feeling frightened about what my future holds. You inspire me so much to better myself and learn how to love myself and spread joy and care about others. I am so proud of you for feeling all of these feelings and pushing through. You are an incredible person and deserve so much happiness. I love you.
Thank you, you are loved and i love you
I feel exactly like you! I am also afraid to let go of my depression, because what if... what if i am just as lousy as i am on these days when i lay in bed half the day and only get up to make tea or to go for a walk with my dog... and there are so many things i should be doing! But just this heavy grayness, it’s preventing me from doing anything productive...!
"i feel like... im playing a video game that i'm really good at, but there's this one boss that i can't beat." holy /f u c k/. on my second appointment with my therapist, i told her this almost verbatim. the new abilities analogy and all. i just recently found your channel, and have been binging your videos thinking, "hey, this girl is a lot like me." but i've never heard someone describe their mental health struggles the same way i do and,, idk man it just,.. made me feel seen? less alone? anyway, thank you so much for being so brave as to post this, it really hit me right in my there's-other-people-like-me feelings. so, thank you.
Wishing you the absolute best and sending you the warmest of thoughts.
I hope you are feeling better now that months have gone by. You are not the only one. I feel the same as you many times. I've been studing to become a diplomat for 7 years (the exam is once a year) and I really want that but every year that passes by I get more anxious and more frustrated while I see my friends getting married, having kids, having holidays and living their lives basically. February and March were a real nightmare. Now everything is going better. I just stopped beating myself up about my past mistakes, about my current weaknesses. When you know better you do better. And then I like to think that although I'm 30 and I'm not where I thought I would be, that all these struggles are temporary and that they are preparing me for a higher calling. And I can tell, I'm sure many here agree, that your calling is very high. Don't despair. Everything will fall into place. The only way to come out of the storm is to go through it.
such a gorgeous, gorgeous video. thankyou. genuinely. just keep trying. we love you
You have nothing to be sorry for. You are amazing and so so so strong.❤️❤️❤️
I'm so sorry for all that you've had to go through, remember that we will always love you❤️❤️❤️
I’m sending you soooo many virtual hugs, take as many as you need
i can relate so deeply and i am sorry. i know it sucks. i hope you get better too! thank you
I adore you, Cheyenne. Which might be weird to say, but you're just such a sweet and radiant and generous soul. I'm so freaking proud of you for continuing to tell yourself the truth-- that you deserve good things, that the darkness is temporary, that you are valuable right here and now as you are-- even when it all feels like such a lie. The goodness is true. The darkness will not win; it's something you face, it's not who you are. And someday the lies won't feel like the truth anymore.
That was such a brave video to make, I'm proud of you. I really hope you feel better soon.
I love you Cheyenne! Stay Strong and remember you are not alone! :)
this whole "be happy and productive and smile all the fucking time" thing can be so toxic sometimes. some days it makes me feel inspired and the other days i just feel so guilty for not being like this. we need to know that this too is okay. be productive and smile but if you try to do this while being tired and stressed it just won't work out. take care of yourself first.
Thank you for reaching out and speaking about this ❤ you are so strong. I hope you find a doctor that understands and helps. You remind me of myself and I relate to a lot of what you have to say. You are trying and that is the first step. You will get to a better place and it will be beautiful. Stay brilliant ❤
I've spent so many long, dark nights feeling this exact way. Right down to the addiction to self development podcasts and how to videos. Thank you for this video.
you have no idea how much of a comfort this was for me... thank you!!
this speaks to me and my current situation so heavily. thank you for being real and genuine and showing this, it makes those in these similar situations feel less alone. we can pull through together, keep trying and keep believing in yourself
Wow. You've articulated so much of how I feel when I sink / dip into depression and anxiety. The part where you talk about the negative traits of mental health still being there when the medication kicks in- where it turns out you actually are all those things, girl I haven't heard anyone else speak that out before. That hit. I feel that. Proud of you for sharing this, speaking this, and being so honest and vulnerable with YOURSELF and then with this channel.
Your vulnerability is helping me come to terms with my own S.A.D on top of my anxiety/depression. January literally sucked the life out of me, and I've been feeling so low. I'm so glad I found your channel. And I'm so sorry for your pain, and your exhaustion. I can't explain how many things you've said match up to my experience...the fear that everything we've been fighting against is who we really are.
Sending you so so much love
Sending you all of my love Chey 💕💕💕 I sincerely hope you feel better soon. You are an amazing person inside and out. Harness your bravery and push through the hardships that life throws at you.
Stay brilliant ❤
thank you for being so honest about your struggles with anxiety. i've been there and i'm so so sorry this is where you're at right now. it WILL get better, and maybe it'll get bad again, but hopefully not nearly as bad as it is now. i'm wishing you all the best.
also, this was beautifully editted. i always love your editting style, but this was so gorgeously simple and worked very well with everything else in the video.
feel better soon
oh cheyenne you are such a sweetheart. This video was really eye opening and personal and I appreciate this. You will be okay. sending much love
I hope you remember you are loved, you feel loved, and that you love yourself 💕💕 stay strong love because you are, you really are
Oh my love. I understand your feelings and the words you speak. Whilst this was a year ago, just know I am here for you and wish you only the best. You are such a sweet soul, who deserves to know how talented and wonderful you are. I am also suffering awfully, especially because it is the new year and the endless pressures to be productive/happy/present. But sometimes, it is so difficult to be positive. But you have got this! You are wonderful, intelligent and a caring human 💖💖💖💖
I love this, thank you so much for sharing. I'm going through a kind of a similar situation, I find I'm clinging to all things spiritual, which helps. I also I try to be happy about the little things, like well at least I made my bed today or I left the house for a long time today!! Also it's really important to find the right medication, that should be a huge priority.
I’ve been feeling really low and I have felt this way for a long time but only this year have I tried to get some help it’s hard to voice a lot of how I feel to people but watching you express all your feelings has given me strength and the courage to open up it’s been hard but I like to think that everything happens because we need it for some reason so lately I’ve tried simply to except whatever come every emotion, every feeling, every thought I just let it in I take a breath and I let it go and I move on and it’s really helped it’s a temporary relief as you said but it’s something and that’s all u can do live in this moment so remember to always breathe.
Thank you for being you, you are amazing and I love you.
I am so sad that you feel that way. I really want to give you a hug. Its definitely something everyone feels at some point in their life. But just know that you are so incredibly courageous to be vulnerable and share what you feel. Also, know that you don't need to be productive to deserve happiness. Sending you lots of love!
I went through something so very similar last year. Just living in this constant state of sickness and no productivity. And sometimes you just have to live through it. You can't bully yourself out of it. There I was, an established woman with a fiance and a house and I was crying on the street after my therapist cancelled our appointment. I had to feel that, I had to go through it. I had to ruin a lot of good things for myself to realize that it was okay to feel less than the best and do less than my best. I'm picking up my pieces again and it feels great to have been broken because it let me give up the idea of being perfect, because that is unobtainable and impossible and made me miserable. Don't bully yourself and don't be disappointed in yourself either. Your videos are so helpful to so many and I hope you can feel the support and love through the screen
Watching this-my heart broke for you and what you’re going through. I remember what it was like to walk through that swamp of depression and anxiety (and still struggle with it to a lesser degree/my anxiety is a bigger problem than my depression rn) and how hARD it can be to pull yourself out of it. But guess what girlie? You are amazing. Regardless of whether you realize it-you are spectacular and your vulnerability is so needed and cherished. You are brave. You are wonderful. You are cherished and beloved. Always. And like you said, everything is temporary and the struggles you are experiencing right now will mold you into the person you are supposed to be. Stay vulnerable and soft...don’t let the world harden you. We have too few soft, caring souls left in the world 💜
I just started following you and I think you’re so creative and you seem so intuitive with how you’re feeling and that’s something that not everyone who struggles has. Stop apologizing for things. You don’t owe anyone anything. Live for yourself because you DO deserve to be happy. The only way out is through my friend, sending you love and light and ease.
Sending you all my love. I truly enjoy watching you go through your life and I wish you only the best in the days, weeks, months, years coming up. You are beautiful. You are wonderful. you are loved.
I am so sorry that you’re going through this but I know it will make you stronger and more understanding of other people’s pain. You are already doing great things to take care of yourself and I’m so proud of you for that because that takes a lot of strength. I’m sending you positive energy and hugs! 💜
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you are such a beautiful soul
Hi Cheyenne ! :) I follow you on insta and especially love seeing your little stories almost everyday ! It always pumps me up for the day ahead, so thank you !! I think you're really good at pumping others up, that's a good quality to have ! So I just watched this video (I originally came to see your latest bujo video and stumbled across this one) and I just want to leave a little comment to let you know that I'm thinking of you and hoping you feel better (maybe you already do ?) really soon ! I think you have a lot of potential in you (in a lot of ways) and it's kind of sad to see that your mind is tortured and that you ahve to go through this. I hope you are able to overcome it very soon and that you can shine as bright as you should, can't wait to see it happen ! Lots of love
Thank you so much for this video, It's honestly incredibly relatable and I appreciate your honesty so very much, It's hard enough admitting those feelings to yourself sometimes let alone to others. You're such an amazing person and I wish you didn't have to feel this way, You're so brilliant and kind, Strong and good. You inspire me so much, I wish I could comfort and reassure you that everything will turn out ok. You deserve every happiness in life and more and I know personally how easy it is to feel unworthy of that happiness but I have every faith that you can make it through and achieve what you set out to. So please treat yourself kindly, take care, rest when you need but keep going and no matter the pace you'll get to where you want to be. You've got This ❤ Shine bright and be safe ❤
I fully believe that you are strong and you can get through this, never apoligise, do what is best for you. And yes keep trying, look for the small things that make you happy first of all
Cheyenne... thank you so much for posting this video. Thank you for showing us your honesty and vulnerability. I am in a similar position right now and it is not easy. It's damn difficult. And sometimes the hardest thing to do is talk to someone, and yet, it doesn't always help the situation, does it? I am so sorry you have to feel this way. Nobody deserves that, especially not a soul like you. Stay strong, please. If you need, I am here to sit in quiet with you, or to show you beautiful pictures, or anything you might need. We are all in this together.
This video is everything, you just spoke the words I've been afraid to admit to myself. this month has been a losing month for me also and it's taking everything for me to act "normal" around my kid so he doesn't worry. thank you for verbally expressing this and being so true and raw.
I have SAD and it's so hard, insurance sucks, finding a doctor sucks AND you are *worth* the work to get what you need. Sending you jedi hugs if you want them and wishing you fresh warm cookies and a lovely mug of hot tea.
I have been exactly where you are, and keep going because while that weight feels endless now, if you keep trying as time goes by each time it will get smaller and smaller. I found things like little mini tiny routines help, like, as tiny as trying the other side of the bed for 15 minutes when you wake up, or drinking water from your favourite cup everyday. But there can be a moment of comfort from those things that isn’t the same comfort as sadness, and that can sometimes be the start of the way out xx
You remind me everyday that the best thing I can do is to keep trying. Somedays that's all you can do and that's okay. I understand how you feel, running around in a circle and getting nowhere fast. You don't have to be sorry about anything we are all here for you. Much love❤❤❤
the tears are real and i cannot begin to tell you how much i resonate with everything you just said. i just really hope you find a way out. we’re in this together. you’re gonna be great, you will find a way out. because beauty like you always attracts more beauty. keep pushing honeybun. sending you lots of love and positive energy xxx
Hearing you talk about your experience with depression and anxiety makes me feel such an urge of empathy, you haven no idea Cheyenne. I'm going through a very, very close related experience. This month of January has been such a fight for me. I also struggle with depression and anxiety and my medication was not working anymore... so by the beginning and middle of this month I had anxiety attacks and my depression got worse. I went to my psychiatrist and we're starting to make some changes on the medicines. But even that is a struggle you know? You don't know how you're going to react to a certain medicine and it's a game of trying, right? But I'm just telling you about this because I want you to know that you're not alone. You're not alone dear lady. I know that when anxiety kicks in you feel like nothing that you do is enough but the truth is it is. It is enough. You are enough. I know we're not friends, but I want you to know that if you ever need to talk to someone you can talk to me. Sometimes, talking with a person that is going through some very similar experiences can help a lot. I wish I could give you a big bear hug right now and all the calmness and acceptance in this world. You are a lovely human being and you deserve to be happy. Anyway, I wrote too much. If you're looking for a new friend, know that you already have one. Wishing you all the best in this world,
Pati.
Thank you for being so honest. I know other people have already said this, but it did definitely feel like I was watching myself. I know for sure some of this for me came from graduating college and then expecting too much of myself (that I'll have the perfect job right away, that I will be making decent money, that I will be the best at my job, that I will have everything figured out). But of course that didn't happen because I hadn't ever had to do that before. It takes time and practice (and maybe a little therapy) to get to where you want to be. It's a lot. But it's nothing you can't handle.
Hi Chey, I've been a follower of yours for about two years now and I just wanna say that I relate to you dealing with depression/S.A.D. It truly feels suffocating and like everything you're feeling is made up in your head and that's honestly one of the hardest things to cope with. I deeply enjoy you and always look forward to your little updates on instagram stories/CZcams. I just wanna say that you have made a positive impact on my life even though I'm bad at commenting/posting on your content 😂
Hey, just want to say that I admire your honesty and appreciate you a whole lot. I'm currently battling against the beginning of a burn out, and SAD is not making it a whole lot better so I can appreciate some of your sentiments. I found that multivitamins improved my mental health a lot, and so does exercise and meditation.
Also, I read Turtles all the Way Down by John Green lately, and at one point the mom's character tells them that *your now is not your forever*. It's a helpful mantra for me, so I'm hoping it helps you too. I wish you so much love.
Hey Cheyenne. I feel this exact same way. As a creative, I think it's especially hard when we feel like this. Our job is to make things and when we're in the lowest of our lows, it affects EVERYTHING. I've been in a funk like this especially with the new year and wanting that refresh of the calendar. We'll move past this; we're not bad. Our anxiety can go fuck itself. You're an amazing artist & person, and we'll all be here for you.
This was all so incredibly relatable, particularly the part about the dark weight being a familiar and therefore comfortable feeling and being scared that underneath the veil of anxiety and depression, that will still always be there. I often beat myself up for allowing my mental illnesses to manifest in a way that makes me unproductive and lazy and puts me further into a hole of self deprecation and inability to pull myself out of it. I know that working on my art will make me feel better, I know that working out will make me feel better, I know exactly what I need to do to change it, but it all feels so goddamn big and daunting that I count myself out before even giving it a shot, and then hate myself for it. Please remember you are loved and appreciated and GOOD and that you have all the power within you even when it’s so hard to feel like you do. It’s okay to have times like this, and it’s human. I’m so impressed that you’re putting in the effort to call doctors because that really is a very big and draining task and shows a lot of self love and care. I know saying “you’ll be okay” sounds benign and predictable and doesn’t really help, but I really believe you will be. If nothing else, I can at least promise you that your videos help me (and many others) through feeling very similar ways, and that’s a very big accomplishment. Don’t apologize for being a little selfish during times of self preservation. Sending you so much love and light 💖💖💖
You are amazing and beautiful and so very strong. I follow you because you are each of these things and so much more. You're relatable, as a creative and as a fellow sufferer of anxiety and depression. You have accomplished amazing things that I'm in complete awe of! If you were a bad person you wouldn't bother addressing us and trying to support us even as you fall to pieces. You are an amazing friend to those we've seen on your videos and your creativity is beautiful. You're so relaxing to listen to and I love the aesthetic of your work and videos. You inspire me. You motivate me. You're full of light and beauty and sometimes it's like an eclipse occurs where you don't see your beauty and strength when it's plain for everyone else to see! I'm sending you massive cyberhugs, even though this is an older video but I'm hoping this will pick you up and give you a boost of strength when you're drained and ready to give up. You deserve happiness. You deserve love. You are a good person. You are kind and beautiful and amazing. You are a great friend. You are a great cat mum. You are unique. Keep striving and you will achieve all your goals. You are the first channel I hit the notification bell out of the hundreds, maybe even thousands, that I follow. Keep at it girl and kick mental butt! Sending all my love from Australia. 💕
Whew, it's been a while since someone's been able to describe every exhausting feeling I've had to the T. You are a dream Cheyenne. ◇ I know it's just words and when the brain is in this state of mind, all sort of praise and compliment is kinda... un-believable and unrequested. But you are doing magical things that are far beyond your years and you're so good at what you do. Oh so good at what you do. On the stage and at your desk. You've become an absolute artistic inspiration for me and so many others and we love you. I love you. Stay beautiful, stay creative, stay healthy but most of all, make sure to practice lots of self care because you deserve it. You truly deserve it. Sending a digital hug, ♡.
You’re honesty is so beautiful. And it’s so refreshing to see ya know. I cried in the car yesterday on the way to work because my boyfriend and I were talking about depression. And I was tired of being depressed and just wanted it to go. And how I’m waiting for it to be fixed and then I can do awesome things with my life. And everything I want to do. And then he said that maybe it will never go. So I cried even harder. Like maybe it will never fully leave. But the gaps in between will get bigger. And that maybe we have to still do things even tho we are like this. I put off my friends too and I feel guilty about it. But like you have to take care of yourself anyway. And you can’t rush the process. 💛 we just have to work through the emotions and feeling in our heads. You’re not a bad person. I’m not a bad person. We can get though this!
This was so powerful to me... I was touched deep in my heart to hear you speak about this. I feel these things too, the crippling anxiety, the death of depression. I can’t put into words how much I want to give you a sense of peace and comfort. I hope that arbitrary switch comes to you and helps the world around you seem lighter, and a bit brighter. Rest easy, friend.
I wish I could hug you in real life, because you are such an extraordinary and absolutely outstanding person that inspires sooo many people. Wishing you love and hope you find your happy place soon. We support you and hope you get better (even though it’s like super hard, we must battle depression as much as we can)
I feel like the affirmations at the end aren't entirely just for us, you got this. The fact that you're able to speak like this, even if it is just to a camera at the time, is incredible, and I know this is a slightly older video and I'm a relatively new watcher, but goddamn, you do deserve the best, we all know it.
Coming back to this video after your 100k video makes me realize how far you’ve come, how strong you’ve become and how hard you’ve been trying. Congratulations on 100k and hope many more good things to come 💛
YES you and I are the same boat. More people need your honesty on the internet. 🙌🏼I get so down on my myself this time of year. I think those D gummies are helping me... magnesium powder too. Reality is we are "bad". we all are inherently "bad" and broken and crazy. I hope you can gain some hope knowing we are all connected in this way. Broken, bad and trying. And through the whole process we are so unbelievable unconditionally loved, and we look perfect through those eyes. 🙏🏻👆🏻
"If I'm not stressed out of my mind then I'm not working hard enough." I felt that, I did that until I was literally stressed out of my mind and it is such a weird way to think but I completely understand. You know it's bad for you but you still do it.
Hi Cheyenne, First I want to say I’m so sorry you’re going through a tough time. I struggled with similar feelings in my 20’s and a bit into my 30’s too (and truthfully sometimes still do). Just know that you’re not alone in struggling this way, and especially being a young person who is figuring out who she is, who she wants to be, and what she wants in life. These struggles are totally normal, and you’re not weird or strange for going through them. Something that helped me a lot through these growing pains was looking into spirituality, any and as many types as you’re interested in learning about. Not only on a woo-woo level but on a level of practical wisdom. There have been, after all, millions of people over thousands of years who have come before us who had the same struggles as we do, just in a different time. And lucky for us they wrote about them in a variety of texts! Just know that the struggles you are facing now are building the foundation in your soul for who you are and are what will carry you through your life. Just living through them each day is making you stronger. Trust yourself and life around you, and a higher power if you believe in one. They won’t lead you astray. You’re on the right path, you’re doing great, and your deep sensitivity and loving nature will carry you far. Don’t worry about being successful (rather, asking what does true success look like), don’t worry about reaching some great height. Those things are fleeting anyway. Do your best to enjoy the process, as cliche as it sounds, it really is where all of the true beauty is. Finally, know that you’re enough as you are. Because you really are. It took me a long time to truly believe that, but when I finally did it changed everything. All of my best thoughts and love to you xoxo P.S. I’m an actor, too, in LA but grew up outside of Seattle where my family still lives. I also know the seasonal struggle and how tough it can be. You’ve got this! And congratulations on your equity job, it’s a huge accomplishment!!
"If Im not stressed out I am not working hard enough" Very relatable Cheyenne! Hang in there. I learned about the Pomodoro technique from your channel. Sometimes when I am in a slump I will set myself a Pomodoro goal that is a bit over ambitious (purposefully) and work on it for a few days. Gives me something to focus on.
Thank You for this monologue so much! Sometimes you're sitting all alone, fading into your own darkness, and you feel like the world around is moving in a slow motion and you're just rooted to the place, you can't move, forced to watch the continuing life, and it's like... you're gone a long time ago, just dissapeared, there's only husk and nothing to fill with, and even this form is like unnoticed by people aound, like they're used to see it like this. So yeah.. rambling too much... but thank You, for me not feeling alone. The good thing of this f***ed up world is the internet, this possibility to connect in a big distances. Thank You for sharing, and for trying to help. You deserve to be happy. You're strong and compassionate. And, actually, your hair are amazing! Even if you say they're not okay :) Keep fighting!
I needed this so badly. I relate. 100%.
I’m feeling similarly defeated. One of the hardest parts is facing the possibility that the rest of my life will be this way. Some things that help are 1. Following through with things I know will light up my day (for me it’s band rehearsal, church, and exercise). 2. Accepting myself and trying not to compare myself, especially in my introversion and sensitivity and need for creature comforts. Be kind to yourself and you’ll get through the shitty winter. Spring will come, literally and metaphorically. Love you and I’m sorry you’re hurting so much. You don’t look like a ghost, you’re beautiful!
Forewarning: I’m not all too fantastic with expressing myself to others but I do it well in private. Thanks for being vulnerable, just wanted to let you know this made me feel safe. I’ve been numbing myself to everything but there’s a dull pain always lingering and this relieved it a bit and that’s all I could ask for. Thank you! 😌 I’m going through some really really tough times for a VERY long period of time and this just gave me a little warmth. Don’t know but this video was a case of serendipity for me and I feel less terrified and cold. Thank you and I hope you find peace and comfort wherever you can! All the best 💕
In response to everything you said in this video, it's okay
hi cheyenne! i've been a silent watcher of yours for several months now, but this video really spoke to me since i've been struggling with S.A.D. for almost three years nows since i moved to the PNW. some things that have really helped me are starting to supplement vitamin d in late fall (or whenever your window of S.A.D. slowly begins), into early-mid spring. and my life saver is light therapy! i got a verilux lamp and it triggers my brain into thinking the sun is out. i sit in front of it for 45 minutes-2 hours each day, and it's done wonders for me. having a good stretch every morning, keeping a nice diet, light therapy, and supplement vitamin d hasn't been a cure-all but has made a huge difference! I understand your struggle, stay strong. xx
I’m so sorry to hear that you’ve been doing so horribly over the last few months! And at the same time I am kind of relieved to know that I am not alone
I started studying at university last year and after not getting into medicine for 2 years I decided that maybe that is just not what I am meant to do and decide to move on - now I am in my second semester of library and information science and am filled with the same kind if feelings you describe... i just am not sure if i choose the right path and if not what else there is I can do, then there is always this feeling of anxiety and dread I carry around with myself and I also am constantly failing to meet the high standards I set on myself and maybe I am to harsh to myself... and from this cycle comes just a whole wave of unmotivation und sadness and I can even seem to squeeze the things I love in my actually not busy schedule like art and reading and dancing
So this year I decided to dedicate to my own inner peace and look after myself first, which I seem to have negelected in my life till now and to let go of my pretense of constant well being
I just want you to know that you are not alone, even if i can’t possibly claim to fully understand how you are feeling, but I hope you find things and people that bring you happiness and a sense of purpose. For me you are one of these people, you’re videos make me feel calm and happy and continue to inspire and motivate me! ❤️
All the best
Kim 😊
this video broke my heart, i'm so sorry you're going through this. i dont know how you feel about religion but i want you to know that i will be praying for you that things get a bit brighter. keep your chin up love, we've got your back.
Something important: you might be more depressed right now because good things are happening. People always forget that good news and success can make you fall apart as much as bad news and failures when it comes to mental health and addiction. You literally don't know how to cope with the good news. Brené Brown talks about it in her better than I can in her book 'wholehearted living: the gifts of imperfections..' Its a short read if you haven't read it already since you mention reading a lot of self-help media.
I have so much love and compassion for you. I recognize so much of your wording, so much of your thoughts in my younger self'monologue. It will take time and hard work, but you will get through it. You'll get to a place where more often than not you will be able to tell that your depression is trying to trick you and bring you down and it can fuck off. I imagine my depressions has those tiny black slugs from Miyazaki movies. Its satisfying to imaging plucking them out of my brain and squashing them underfoot like they do in his movies. I'm not cured, I still hit lows and slumps, but I can look back and see that it used to be worst, that I have a little more tools, experience, and perspective. It happens less often. I'm a little more resilient. I'm here to tell you that you don't need to be perfect, that the more you try the further away from the happiness you will be. That it's not you, it's your brain chemistry. That you are not just a sack of misery scrambling for time. There is more to you and to life. There will be other bosses, but also great companions and side quests, and Easter eggs. Some of the boss battles will be swift, or satisfying, Like video games, there will be so many good times and pay off. And so much of the grind is due to depression. And has your perspective changes, you will find solutions to problems you would never have been able to see before. You are not a problem that needs to be fixed or a burden. You don't need to go at this alone. Lean on trust worth friends and family, counselor therapist, group help, personal journaling, etc. I know its so tempting to hide away, but that's exactly what depression wants.
I truly hope this doesn't make you feel worst. I meant it with all the love and encouragement possible. Be safe, you matter, you are loved.
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watching this video it was like i was looking at myself, i'm sorry that you're going through this.
I'm so sorry that you're going through this. Just know that you're not alone. I've been living with depression/anxiety for a very long time. I have found that medication has helped with the depression. The anxiety/anti-social issues are still there. I have found that reading about being an introvert has helped. We are really amazing people. I have also become more spiritual & becoming aware of our spiritual self has helped. Depression I believe is a disconnection from your soul.