Math Jokes Explained - Numberphile
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- čas přidán 27. 07. 2024
- Some of your favourite maths jokes are dissected in forensic fashion.
More links & stuff in full description below ↓↓↓
It is CZcams Comedy Week: yt.be/comedyweek
Animation by Pete McPartlan - www.petemcpartlan.co.uk
Explanations by Matt Parker - www.standupmaths.com
More jokes explained at: / fmb3tcvlet
Leave more joke suggestions in the comment section.
NUMBERPHILE
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Jokes are like frogs, if you dissect them you will understand them better. But now they're dead.
"I'm gonna approximate cat as rectangle".
true physicist
Seems like you approximated the cat as cat.
True physicist, and Englishman.
A true physicist would approximate the cat as a sphere.
@@HenriFaust true. He's clearly a mathematician, and not a physicist.
Real physicists approximate cows as spheres.
Noah Nissrn Can I have ∑ as well?
@Noah Nissen i dont get what it should sound like can you explain what its supposed to sounds like
this Fibonacci joke is worse than the last 2 you heard combined.
I wouldn't say that. It’s combined joke value is the same.
wouldn't it be better? (greater)
That’s golden !
You win at commenting
@@kallek919 thats why its worse
Did you hear of the mathematician who was afraid of negative numbers?
He would stop at NOTHING to avoid them!!
This is my favorite joke so far.
But nothing isn't zero. Zero is sumthing.
Yeah zero is something.
@@kameronbriggs235 counterproof:
0 times anything is 0
If you drink 0 times a beer, you drink nothing
-----------------------------------------
0 is nothing
Shut up dude
0 isn't nothing, it's an abstract representation of space.
If you've got a pizza with a radius of "z" and a height of "a", the volume can be defined by pi*z*z*a ;)
Don't you mean pi*(z^2)*a
Duhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhjbbbbkdjdo
TheIcecreamtaco That's the same :P
TheIcecreamtaco Oh, that's mean :-/ :D
+SilverWave nice one
Mind blown.
Albert Einstein, Blaise Pascal and Isaac Newton are playing hide & seek. It's Einstein's turn to count, so he closes his eyes. Pascal runs away, but Newton stands right in front of Einstein, takes a piece of chalk from his pocket, and draws a one metre by one metre square on the ground, then stands over it, looking smug.
Finally, Einstein stops counting and opens his eyes. He immediately sees Newton over the square metre, and exclaims "Ha! I found Newton!"
Newton smirks, and replies "Nope, you found Newton over metres squared. You found Pascal!"
Legendary!
I'm weak😂😂😂😂😂
Noob Why though?
What why? They born in different space-time.
Yes, but... it's a joke. I'm sure we would all agree that even if they all lived together, this would probably never happen. But jokes don't have to be historically accurate, sometimes they are centered around little inaccuracies. So, yes. You're right. But it was completely unnecessary to bring that up, I would guess that about 99.99% of people would immediately understand the hypothetical nature of this story.
Answering machine message at a maths department: "The number you have dialled is imaginary, please rotate the keypad 90 degrees and try again."
Why hasn't this got more votes, it's brilliant!
yes
didnt get it. what does it mean??
Alexius Czar P. Vergara I think it has to do with the imaginary plane where the usual y-axis represent the imaginary part and the usual x-axis represent the real part. So if you are on the imaginary line (an imaginary number) and rotate 90deg, you end up on the real axis so it’s not imaginary anymore
😂
Has 2 blackboards in front of him
Draws on a piece of paper with a pen
Absolute mad lad
Haha... its Numberphile's tradition to use brown/khaki paper
A lot of these jokes get recycled.
@Drew Kangaroo The point is that blackboards are erasable and reusable, whereas paper isn't.
@@chipblock2854 what?
A Physicist, an engineer and a mathematician are asked to build a fence with limited supplies, but have to contain the biggest area.
The physicist designs a square fence, showing that a square contains the most area.
The Engineer then designs a circular fence, showing that the area to circumference ratio is better than a square.
The mathematician think for a moment, then starts building a tiny fence around himself. When he's done, he says "I define myself to be the outside
smart
😂😂😂😂😂
Freaking beautiful. Absolutely genuis.
Is there a bit missing from this? All I can see upto is "the Engineer designes a circular fence" line. Is there more to it, or am I just not getting it?
Tom Badger have you clicked "show more"?
A physicist and a mathematician are given a problem the same problem.
"If you see a house on fire, and a hose disconnected from a hydrant, what would you do?"
The physicist and mathematician both answer "Connect the hose and put out the fire"
They are then given a second problem
"If you see a house not on fire, and a hose connected to the hydrant, what would you do?"
The physicist says "Do nothing, because there is no problem to solve"
The mathematician say "Disconnect the hose and set the house on fire, therefore bringing us back to a previously solvable problem"
this is great.
Then the mathematician goes to jail because he lit a house on fire.
A solution exists *leaves*
@@nbob4733 arson?
yep. totally makes sense
How does a mathematician catch a lion?
He builds a cage, gets in, and defines: this is outside.
underrated comment detected
Ha
Unfortunately, he's now caught every lion.
so I'm outside of my dad?
Extraordinary... 😃😃😃
Love how annoyed Matt sounds when there’s another ‘non number’ joke
The " . . . *no* " at the end was the best reaction.
I'd have replied "Must have been a #2 pencil" - but only because I know what the average (no pun intended) CZcams audience is like.
And the "nice belt" is best explained with 0 and 8 on a digital display.
Optimist: Glass is half full.
Pessimist: Glass is half empty.
Engineer: Glass is double the required size.
Sum bloke Chemist: Glass contains a 1:1 equilibrium of water:air.
Physicist: ducks.
(That's an xkcd reference)
Sum bloke Physicist: glass is full
Binary coder: 01
Sum bloke civil engineer: The design of the glass is not as such supporting the liquid with maximum efficiency.
A chemist, a physicist and a mathematician travel by a train in England. They look out a window and the chemist spots a black sheep on a field and conclude. "In England sheep are black". The physicist corrects him and say "no we can't conclude that, what we can conclude is that there is at least one black sheep in England". The mathematician corrects him and say "no we can't conclude that. What we can conclude is that there is at least one sheep in England that is black on at least one side".
Nice. Curious incident of the dog in the night time joke
+ballefras I have a book with this joke. Might be my book on Fermat's last theory
I remember that!
ballefras I legit cant stop laughing
I didn't get this
A math pun numbs my brain. But, two math puns make it even number
surprisingly clever double pun
Brilliant 😅
underrated
Why did the student get upset when his teacher called him average?
- It was a ‘mean’ thing to say!
Underrated....
All the functions threw a party. Sin(x), as usual, was a bit up and down; whilst x^2 was slowly getting as high as a kite. |x| was being his usual positive self when he noticed, sat in the corner looking sad, e^x. "Come on e^x", he said, "you need to put yourself out there and integrate!". "What's the point?" replied e^x, "it won't make any difference!".
The angry derivation walks into a bar and starts to looking around. Constants disappear almost instantly, closely followed by other functions. Only one function still sits at the bar, so derivation asks: "Are you not afraid of me?" "No, why should I? I am e^x, you cant do anything to me." "Yeah? But i am so angry, that I differentiate by y."
This joke was so great!
Bat Phil this joke had to many math puns TOO MANY
Actually there would be a constant difference
F(x) walks into a restaurant and orders a cheeseburger. The waiter says "Sorry, we don't cater for functions."
'I'm going to approximate the cat as a rectangle.'
"The front door and chimney are optional"
My house never had a front door and chimney and I've lived my entire life happily without it.
But I do wonder what this "outside" thing is that people are talking about...
That's what I do with all my pets.
Niels Kloster Banzai cat?
classic Math Prof
There are 10 kinds of people in the world, those that understand binary, those that don't, and those that didn't expect this joke to be in ternary.
Absolutely amazing
@@sharifulislam3201 you win
Look, if I've told you twice I've told you 10 times...
Brilliant!
i'm the 10th one
Three mathematicians walks into a bar. The bartender asks "do you all want a beer?". The first mathematician answers "I don't know". The second mathematician answers "I don't know". The third mathematician answers "Yes!".
Underrated joke, I like it!
Better. "He pours the third a beer"
I don't get it. Can someone explain?
@@moanilsson3448 the first two don't know what the third wants so can answer for everyone. The thrid knows the first two didn't say no in which case they must mean yes so he orders for all three.
@@Spedley_2142 I get it
I have a root beer and put it in a square glass. Now, it just a beer.
An absolute one
Raynal Ramadhan Troll science! :D Even young kids can drink beer this way!
Raynal Ramadhan A glass cannot be square, or at least one that holds liquid. In order to have volume, an object must have three dimensions. A square is two-dimensional. If this is in fact a square root beer, it would become (correct me if I'm wrong) beer * SQRT(glass).
Ian Belletti I think you may have just killed the joke, too.
Secret Steve Different styles of killing. You by being overly technical, me by trying to explain how a glass can be square. Cheers to the joke killers! :)
Three statisticians go hunting. When they see a rabbit, the first one shoots, missing it on the left. The second one shoots and misses it on the right. The third one shouts: "We've hit it!"
Mathematics?
More like Meth Medics.
average😂
nanao nganba omg, hahahhahaha
Linear Regression?
HAH get it
Q: How many ways are there to trigger a mathematician?
A: **whispers** _almost infinite_
Underrated
ThePotaToh 3(pi) is enough
Great one
*TRIGGERED*
ThePotaToh or anyone else I guess, can you tell me how to get the slanted letters?
A “correctly drawn infinity sign” is the best joke in this video
An engineer, a physicist, and a mathematician are sitting in a bar watching people go in and out of a building. They watch two people walk in and later two people walk out, so they conclude the building is empty. This goes on throughout the day, always ending with the building being empty. Then two people walk in and later three people walk out. Astonished, the engineer says "We must have made an error in our measurement!" The physicist says "There must be something wrong with our theory!" The mathematician thinks a moment and says "If one more person goes in, the building will be empty again."
CLE277 The physicist says, "The false vacuum has decayed."
@@Awaclus damn i was abt to say that
@@adheesh2secondsago630 You are 5 years too late, son.
@@Hextor26 lmoa
The evolutionist says, So.
Three men, one a statistician, are out hunting when they come across a deer. The first man shoots and misses by 5 meters to the right of the deer, the second man shoots and misses by 5 meters to the left of the deer, the statistician cries out, "we got him!"
You know why that's funny? Because it's mean
I feel like this was an average joke.
ltotePheles eyyyy
Christian Smith Is it odd I'm not even in High School and I find that hilarious?!
Warghost890 Not trying to be mean (okay maybe just a little), but knowing how to average numbers before getting to highschool isn't something I'd be THAT proud of.
a neutron goes to a bar and orders a beer..when it goes to pay the bill the cashier doesn't accept its payment and says "no charge for you"
Isn't a math joke tho
Wrong class lol
The Barman says “what’ll it be?”
A tachyon walks into a bar.
That's so funny but its not quite a math joke.
I don't get that one
@@screamsinrussian5773 tachyons are particles that travel back in time
@@ruinenlust_ ooooh cheers bruv
@@ruinenlust_ Don't they technically travel faster than light so they experience time backwards from theie reference frame? Also it's important to note these particales are only hypothesised and currently do not fit the standard model
A terribly corny but genuinely math-based joke I know is such: "What is the difference between a diameter and a radius?" "A radius."
about 83% of people are bad at math. luckily i'm in the other 42%.
Why does 0 = 1?
cos 0 = 1
stupidly brilliant
And we can surmise that 1 =0!
Mathematicians :
Pi - 3.1415....
e - 2.7.....
Engineers: "three, take it or leave it"
programmers:
math.pi
Industrial engineers: "I'm confused"
Bakers: Apple or cherry?
sin(x)=x
@@thehiddenninja3428 that's just python brainlets
An engineer, a physicist, and a mathematician are working, when a small fire breaks out in front of their offices
The engineer panics and grabs the fire extinguisher, spraying it everywhere, putting out the fire, but causing extra damage in the process
The physicist runs some quick calculations, and uses just enough to put out the fire
The mathematician sees the fire, looks over to the fire extinguisher and says "a solution exists!" then returns to his office
Meh a better description would be that the engineer put it out within a factor of safety. We do calculations too :)
Deathnotefan97 iiuu
I've heard a variation on this where the mathematician I presented with a small fire, an empty bucket, and a sink / source of water. He fills the bucket and puts out the fire.
In the second part, he is provided with the same situation, but this time, the bucket is full. He then picks up the bucket and dumps it down the sink, thus reducing it to a previously solved problem.
Unfunny...mathematicians aren't nuts..
@@santhoshs-vr3un you live a dangerous life
3:15 "I'm gonna approximate the cat as a rectangle..."
Okay, you can stop now, joke's over.
+Fuzzballfox Onionring Only if he approximates a horse as a sphere.
lol
lol
+sivalley For horse approximation you'd need an oval. Now, an elephant can be safely approximated as a sphere.
+sivalley No that only works for spherical cows in a vacuum.
If Werner Heisenberg produced cars:
"We can offer the best GPS or the best speedometer, but not both."
Best comment and best joke
@@darklord9813 Thanks!
I don't get it...:/
@@tcadityaa Speedometer measures speed
GPS system gives the cureent position of your car
@@darklord9813 oh...uncertainty principle...
Roman man walks into a bar with 2 fingers up and says "5 beers, please"
i get it
\/..,
And a Greek man walks into a bar with 2 fingers up and says "50 beers, please"
I heard it was an old carpenter who held two fingers up and said "3 beers, please"
@@truthurts1692 you mean French archer 😜
😂😂
Recently a man was cooled down to absolute zero but dont worry he is 0K
Abi Rizky veritasium or something like that has a video about it. you should check it out.
xD
its actually KO
H4MM-R H34D α
But he won't be 0K once they thaw him up.
Okay, so NORMALLY a joke is not funny if you have to explain it, but seeing someone explain why 6 is afraid of 7 with such a serious tone is just hilarious. XD
Ran Dom any video with Matt is gonna be funny
Alex Dibianco That's because he's a comedian
e and pi.
Pi: So how was your meeting with Logarithm?
E: At first we started to get along with each other very fast, however something went wrong and this process slowed down. Isnt this weird?
Pi: No, its natural.
Nice profile picture ;)
Definitely one of the most positive comment section I've seen in a while you could there was no negatives at all. CZcamsrs should |absolutely value| this
seriously, like, no dislikes on any of the comments at all.
Ah, all this buildup for an absolute value joke
@@papergamesproductions nor the video 😅
What's the difference between a board and a plank?
Boards vary but Planck's Constant....
....I'll just get my coat....
spencer hardy Get out.
spencer hardy 😂😂😂😂😂
Heisenberg is driving on his way home, when he gets pulled over by the police.
"Sir, you were going exactly 85mph"! said the police officer.
"Oh no, now I'm really lost" he replied
So many jokes about the uncertainty principle.
Hearing this joke has made a miserable semester of quantum physics worth it!
😂😂I understand Quantum Physics
The version I heard said that Heisenberg got pulled over by the police. "Sir, do you have any idea how fast you were driving?" "No, officer, but I know exactly where I am!"
Frost Platypus is he an electron?
I hoped, there would be chemistry jokes involved. When it comes to that, I’m in my element.
But unfortunatly entropie isn't what it jused to be.
I only make chemistry jokes periodically
sodium bromate
Periodic acid is HIO4
Yeah, but all the best ones Argon.
Including:
What do you do with sick chemists? If you can't Curium and you can't Helium, you have to Barium.
Why do they never serve alcohol at mathematicians' parties?
You can't drink and derive!
Really? I heard mathematicians loved having lots of proof!
after being stopped for drinking and driving, what did the officer say to the mathematician? "here's your sine.."
Someone once told me I was average. They were just being mean.
Budumch
Noooooooooooo please
Y do you have to do this!?
Nope, they were only irrational...
but if they were mean wouldn't that make them average not you
Me too, it must be the mode
You really do need to play this at the *right angle*
Why do Computer programmers always mix up Halloween and Christmas? Because Oct 31 = Dec 25.
+G Whiz
totally stolen from the other video
PeninjaPlaysTheThing
chill bro, no need to swear
Pokedel Asel Are you five? Or is your level of naivete really just that high?
I really don't see how swearing is acceptable at all.
If anything, you are the five year old here.
Pokedel Asel How swearing is acceptable? Because its language I don't believe in self policing, it makes no sense at all how is it not acceptable. That actually makes no sense, am I harming you? Are you claiming PTSD for words?
He worked it out with a pencil...
Me: "Just don't"
Matt Parker: "No"
Me (with great relief): "Thank you"
He could have worked it out with logs
Now please
Matt's response is the best part of the video XD
I actually did not get it. Is "pencil" some slang word for feces?
@@b.clarenc9517 No, the pencil is what he used to extract ("work out") the faeces with. A pencil is always useful if you're stuck on a problem!
A mathematician quit math(s) and went into the restaurant business, but the place he had bought was too small.
Then he got a brilliant idea:
He started offering every tenth customer free food when they bought a beverage. This greatly increased traffic in the place, as each patron hoped to be the one-in-ten to get the freebie.
In fact, the business got so lucrative, he was soon able to build out, to accommodate the extra customers. All that was left to do was to announce the grand re-opening, naming it after the promotion that had made it possible. So of course, he called it . . .
THE BUY-NO-MEAL EXPANSION!!
Fred
Not bad. You get credit for the story and the pun.
Jet Rin binomial expansion
Two professors are sitting in a bar.
They get into an argument about the general public not knowing enough about higher maths.
When one gets up to go to the bathroom. The other has an idea & calls over the pretty blonde barmaid. He says "when my friend comes back I'm going to call you over again and ask you a question I want you to answer a third x cubed”
The barmaid says “what?"
The professor repeats himself and the barmaid goes back to the bar muttering “third dex cubed”
when his back he say to his friend “I bet you £10 that some normal working people know at least some higher maths" the other professor accepted his challenge thinking he couldn’t lose. So calls the barmaid over again & ask the barmaid “what is the integral of x squared?”
The bartender answers "a third x cubed." and starts to walk away. The professor who won the bet look rather pleased, suddenly the bartender turns around with a smile on her face saying "plus a constant."
Maybe the most wholesome of all the comments! ^_^
mathematics and english are my three goodest subjects
Best comment ever.
+Geometry Dash Nigu agreed
is*
+SmileyMPV wow (sigh)
your*
Patient: I'm afraid of the vertical axis.
Doctor: Why?
Patient :* panic screaming *
omg stop :D
A physicist, a biologist, and a mathematician are sitting outside of a pub. A person enters the pub and a few moments later two people exit the pub.
"That's impossible." Said the physicist.
"They reproduced." Said the biologist.
"If a person enters, the pub will be empty." Said the mathematician.
They lol!
Worth it
Sorry, didn’t see this before I wrote the same joke!
lol didn't get it. Can you explain?
@@studyonline3236 well, imagine the people entering and exiting as a mathematical calculation. Let's just say before the first person entered the pub it is 0. When they entered it's 0+1=1, but then two people exited the pub, thus 1-2=-1, meaning that if another person entered, it will be -1+1=0, and the pub will be empty.
Edit: minor correction
Did you mean physicist?
The 8 goes to the psychologist and says that he feel so small respect other numbers with a lot of digits; then the psychologist just said to him: relax, lay down on the bed and you will feel better.
lol
i did not get it in yhe first tima
but its
I
N
F
I
N
I
T
Y
***** do u really collect souvenirs?
you have got 88 likes.lol
This is actually inspirational.
In the course of a scientific study a builder, a physicist and a mathematician were each locked into an observation room that contained a matt to sleep on and a tin of food. They had no tin opener. The next morning the researchers came to see how they were fairing.
In the builder's room, one of the walls had a lot of dents. The tin was very battered and it was empty. The builder was awake and asking for breakfast.
In the physicist's room, one of the walls was full of rows and rows of calculations and a single dent. The tin was open and empty and the physicist was fast asleep.
In the last room, a very tired mathematician was sitting on the matt, staring at the closed tin and mumbling to himself: "Assume the tin is open..."
What's an anagram of Banach-Tarski?
Banach-Tarski Banach-Tarski
Best joke I've read here so far!
Why did the chicken cross the mobius loop?
-
-
-
To get to the same side
badum-tsss
That's a nice one, actually
Bada-tcha, actually
Normally one doesn't badum-tss their own joke.
How do you turn six into nine? Remove the s...
What sorcery have you done!!!!! *Mind Blown*
BHaxxor
If you remove the "s" from six, you get "ix", which is the roman numeral for nine "IX"
didn't quite get it. could you explain it in latin?
Luis Dias
It's ok, a lot of people don't. If you remove the S from "six", you get "ix". IX happens to be the roman numeral for 9, therefore you can turn six into nine by removing the S. And I'm sorry but I don't speak Latin :-P
Maul009 He got you!
There are 2 kinds of people in this world: those who can extrapolate from incomplete data,
Throwing Stuff Ikr
Can you explain it
stolen 100
There are 10 kinds of people in this world: those who understand binary.
Hahaha noooiiicee
One day, i and pi got into a fight, and i shouted “why can’t you ever be rational!?” To which pi replied “you need to get real!”
≈ 2:00
You're a mathematician Matt you shouldn't still be shocked that 5 is directly after 4.
The fact that you showed it as an approximation
@@JatPhenshllem I'm too used to coping with engineers
-1 says to square root: "Why can't we stay together?"
Square Root: "It's complex"
π says to i, “Get real!”
i says, “You're irrational.”
Wait no, it’s imaginary
No real part
@@alexwang982 thats the joke..
A mathematician, a physicist and a statistician are golfing. On the last hole they make a wager; closest ball in one shot wins. The mathematician is up first. He whips out his notepad, scribbles on it for a minute, and takes his shot. The ball lands 30 yards short of the hole - he didn't take air resistance in to account. Next up, the physicist having already worked out the maths in his head, takes his shot and his ball lands 30 yards past the hole. Seems he did too much rounding in his mental calculations. The statistician is up next. He says "I win", and they go home.
Numberphile, please We’ve been waiting 6 years for another one of these.
A Higs Boson walks into a cathedral and the bishop says "Hey we don't allow your kind in here!"
The higgs Boson is taken aback and replies "But your emminance, without me you can't have Mass!"
A bit of a physics joke. . .but it applies
"...and then all the way up to a correctly drawn infinity sign." - I'm dying.
i know! This guy is so funny!
haha 7 is a six offender
I didn't get that one
L&PForever oh .... hahahaha
why is that a correct drawn and is the usual 8 not correct?
2 scientists walk into a bar.
Scientist 1:"I'll have some H2O"
Scientist 2:"I'll have some H2O too"
The second scientist dies.
+Elvis Imamura :D hydrogen peroxide
+Elvis Imamura HAHAHA
+Elvis Imamura If I wanted to study everything from primary school maths up until A level maths, how would I go about doing it?
What books should I study?
I remember the textbooks show you how told solve the easier versions of a problem, but as it steadily becomes more complex you need to write down how the teacher solves it because it doesn't say in the textbooks.
If you don't know how to answer this question, can you point me in the direction of someone who does?
Thanks in advance.
(I finished school, so I can't make use of teachers)
+ItsameAlex Khan Academy
+ItsameAlex It is a lot easier with a teacher, especially math. I am at the university right now and you don't really use books about math there - becasue you essentially can't understand them if you don't know the subject already, at least that was my impression until now. There might be better books out there, and A level math is entirely different anyway - I guess you could buy the school books?
In germany there are also summaries for A level students ("Abiturienten") to learn for the final exam - but that is the problem again it has kind of the presumption that you got the explanation already and only need a refresher.
What about evening classes? The problem I find with self teaching is motivation, if you get stuck you will throw easie, than if you have regular appointments. But maybe that is just me (I usually can't motivate myself when I don't have any deadlines to meet, etc. - that is why I didn't get far teaching myself programming although now I know some bits and pieces.)
Two mathematicians are admiring the Zero. Says one, " That Zero is really something!"
The other replies, "No it's not."
What solves equations faster than a calculator?
A calcuNOW
Squaring numbers is like love - if they're under 16, just do 'em in your head
I heard it with 13 last time. I guess that makes it a bit more "ohgodwhy".
xD
That's the original. It's in a song by Bo Burnham called New Math
What if I can't square higher than 10?
It's "Squaring numbers is just like women, if they're under 13 just do them in your head".
You're not a true Bo Burnham fan.
Chemistry joke:
Two chemists walk into a bar, one orders some H2O, sais the other: "Sounds good, I'll have some H2O too!
Quantumfysics joke:
So a Quantumfysicist walks into a bar, sits at the counter and orders two drinks, one for him and one for the empty stool next to him, so the bartender asks: "Why do you do that?", sais the Quantumfysicist: "Well, quantummechanics state that there is a chance of a beautiful woman suddenly materializing on this chair, then I'll offer her that drink and get her to fall in love with me." asks the bartender: "Why don't you just ask someone to go out with you and by her a drink?" sais the Quantumfysicist: "Yeah, what are the odds of that happening!?"
Linguistic joke:
A man walks into a bar, that's gotta hurt!
Religion joke:
Jesus walks into a bar and orders a glass of water, sais the bartender "Not this shit again, Jesus!"
"I'm gonna approximate the cat as a rectangle." lol
That in itself is a joke, a pretty famous one at that.
A zero vector goes to a therapist
"Help i am linearly dependent!"
A mathematician, a physicist and a philosopher standing on the roof of a burning high-rise. The only way to escape the flames is in a dip in the small pool in front of the skyscraper.
The philosopher said: "If there is a God he will help me." He jumps and misses the pool by far.
The physicist takes calculator and notepad, calculates a while, takes a running jump right into the middle of the pool.
Even the mathematician calculates a while with calculator and notepad. When he is finished, he takes off, jumps and flies upward. What had happened?
algebraic sign error
and noah said to the animals, get off the ark and multiply, but two snakes came and said "but sir, we're adders" so noah built them a log table
amen
So many random things you have to know to get this xD
@@wolflordy3193 more then me
@@joeykiel1412 adder is a type of snake. And a log table was used as an early form of mechanical calculator for addition.
@@wolflordy3193
...for multiplication, i.e., replacing multiplication with addition.
Teacher: "The answer is xy-plane."
Student: "Please, explain why?"
i dont get it
What sits on your shoulder and squawks, "Pieces of seven! Pieces of seven!"
A parity error.
"I was promised number jokes"
LOL
So were we. No need to explain these things on camera.
Name matches
Maybe those jokes were just imaginary...
666 likes, I'm not ruining this.
That is a number joke at your perspective, isn't it?
A psychiatrist examined three patients in a mental hospital:
Psychiatrist to patient 1: "How much is 2x2?"
Patient 1: "5000!"
Psychiatrist to patient 2: "How much is 2x2?"
Patient 2: "Wednesday!"
Psychiatrist to patient 3: "How much is 2x2?"
Patient 3: "Four."
Psychiatrist: "Very good, could you also tell me how you came to that conclusion.?"
Patient 3: "Nothing easier than that I divided 5000 by Wednesday ..."
This guy explained a joke where knowledge of calculus is needed to comprehend, then explained 7 8 9
you forgot the shortest joke that makes mathematicians laugh:
"Let epsilon be less than than zero."
No. Let epsilon be greater than zero, but so small that epsilon/2 is less than zero.
epsilon = -epsilon
Did you mean to include two “than”s? Maybe I just don’t get the joke.
@@bobh6728 Same
No it won't be because this joke gets arbitrarily short
Dear Algebra,
Please stop asking us to find your x. She's not coming back. And don't ask y.
Yes
What does the "B." in Benoit B. Mandelbrot stand for?
Benoit B. Mandelbrot
Rhys Olwyn, Excellent!
Is this called recursion? 😂
I don't get it D':
I exist in a quantum superstate of both loving and hating this joke
What's an anagram of Banach-Tarski?
Banach-Tarski Banach-Tarski
-seven has "even" in it
*yeah, so?
-thats odd
Every even number is an odd number minus one. So subtracting a letter from seven doesn't strike me as odd.
All prime numbers are odd. Now, you may say that this is not true, as 2 is even... But 2 is the only even prime... which is odd
"Recursive" Coctail composition: 20% water, 30% alcohol, 50% "recursive" coctail
40% water 60% alcohol
I think it should be the other way around, 30 water, 20 alcohol, 50 recursive coctail. So that its vodka.
Show me the proof.
@@brendanh8193 The proof was actually done in the video; this is the "Know your limits" joke done twice and with different starting points:
%water = 20 + 10 + 5 + ... = 20 ( 1 + 1/2 + 1/4 + ... ) = 20 * 2 = 40
likewise, %alcohol = 30*2 = 60
Math jokes are the first sine of insanity.
sign*
Jokus Kokolorus dude. Seriously?!
sine cos tan
Gillian Ham no.
Sign is actually a function which gives 0 for 0, -1 for negative numbers, and 1 for positive numbers.
Have you heard of the band 1023 MB? Of course not. They haven't had any Gigs yet.
Matthew Veteto If only more people understood the metric system and data storage.
ShurikenStudios ...Wow, now that you mention it, yeah. That joke was funnier before I learned the difference between a MB and a MiB.
darerd xD :D True words said! :D
darerd 1 MB can be both 1 000 000B or 1 048 576B
defer0920
That's easy. There are a little over 1 trillion bytes in a TB. Metrics go up to a septillion, and it's relatively easy to remember the earlier parts. Deca = 10, Hecto = 100, Kilo = 1,000, Mega = 1,000,000, Giga = 1,000,000,000, etc. Data storage is only slightly different as you measure it in multiples of two.
1:56 I find it hilarious that Matt emphasizes 5 right here
If two's company, and three's a crowd, what are four and five? Nine.
I have a joke about Fermat's last theorem, but it's too long to put here.
You are close. He actually wrote 'the proof won't fit in this column'
Arthur Russell Actually he wrote:
"cujus rei demonstrationem mirabilem sane detexi. Hanc marginis exiguitas non caperet."
Haha
Super!
fantastic
19 got into a fight with 20.
...
21
Awesome. hahaha
I don't get it
+Jeb Rainbow Sheep "twenty won" sounds like 21
l'd like your comment, but it has 21 likes. l can't ruin that.
+The Doctor. simply The Doctor. A damn shame were at 22 now
I told my friends about some of these jokes. Now im alone.
🤣
bruhh...
We're gonna need Matt Parker to explain this one
Why did Adjacent and Hypotenuse go to the beach? Because going anywhere else on vacation would be a sin.
Why did Opposite and Hypotenuse go to the beach? Just Cos.
Why did Opposite and Adjacent go to the beach? They wanted a tan.
Rule of thumb: (Sahcohtoa)
It's actually SOHCAHTOA
OOPS ! LOL !
sohcahtoa
some old hippy caught another hippy tripping on acid.
Why did Hypotenuse and Opposite go to the beach? Because they needed a sec to relax.
Why *didn't* Adjacent and Opposite go to the beach? Because they cot the flu.
In French its so much easier, cah soh toa already kinda means something ( like "get away") 😅
What do calculus students and retired pirates have in common? They both miss the C!
Definitely one of the most original ones here
I don't get the C and the calculus student
Welp, I guess Numberphile will have to explain that one in their next joke video, ha!
(New calculus students often forget to add the integration constant, C, when solving indefinite integrals.)
+Kevin Dunn heh :p thanks
Is C the average grade for a calculus student?
Doppler gets pulled over by a cop for running a red light. Doppler protests, "but officer, the light looked green to me!"
The cop gives him a speeding ticket.
(if you're curious: he would have had to been traveling at 30.855 miles/second for the blueshift to make the red light appear green.)
that is my favorite so far...
Wow
Usually periods in numbers are seen as decimal points so you may want to change that period Into a comma.
If he's going 31 mps, then that must be one fast police car.
Ian Calandro well he wasnt
How do you stay warm in any room?
-Just huddle in the corner, where it’s always 90 degrees.
Nah, I'd sit on the side of the wall as it's 180 degrees there.
"the thing here is that numbers apear in order"
That's a very real thing to say. :)
*_That's a totally rational argument_*
- "How did the constipated mathematician solve his problem?"
- "He worked it out with logs..."
Schrodinger's cat walks into a bar and doesn't walk into a bar
+ZackAshM "Formerly known plplpop1" u win
but i looked in the bar and he did walk into it : V
Its also chasing a laser pointer in Moskva.
Credit BBT for me knowing that
That’s theoretical particle physics, which I believe is an entirely different subject from maths.
I would explain why contracts usually have one person sign (sine) one one line and another person co-sign (cosine) below it, but I'd end up on some tangent.
An engineer wakes up, smells smoke, sees fire in one corner of the room and a fire extinguisher in the other... Does a quick calculation... grabs the fire extinguisher, extinguishes the fire. Goes back to sleep. A mathematician wakes up, smells smoke, sees fire in one corner of the room and a fire extinguisher in the other... Does a quick calculation... and goes back to sleep satisfied a solution exists.