Relationship expert, Dr. Karyn Gordon, and home economist, Mairlyn Smith, discuss the emotional journey of caring for aging parents and the signs to look for.
It's all about love, patience and humour. My mom battled dementia and cancer and died in my arms last year. She left feeling very treasured and loved. What more can you ask for?
the sound of moms dying in my arms sound terrifying , im sorry you had to go through that. i hope you are ok these days. i could really use some of your strength. im a full time caregiver to both parents for the most part, and thats one of my biggest fears is them dying right in front of me.
@@dirtycarpet6134 I understand why you feel this way. I have felt this way too for a long time. But I’ve had two very different experiences with loved ones passing. And let me tell you: having them pass surrounded by family/friends/loved ones and dying with dignity is the absolute best you can ask for. To die feeling loved is a GOOD death. And let me tell you: not everybody gets that. So even though it’s scary, it will be worth it and bring you a lot of peace. I thought I would be scared, but when my uncle passed, but it actually familiarized me with the process and comforted me to know that a good death is an option. That’s what I pray for my parents now, when their time comes.
I really admire you. Majority of adults in this country don't want their parents near. Even if the parents were great parents. They just don't want to bother. 😢 . That is terrible. So God bless you always ❤.
It's really hard though because you can get burned out very easily especially after caring for parent (s) for years. And siblings don't always help and parents aren't always grateful, etc. I do a lot behind the scenes without even telling my parents because it upsets them. If you can get POA or even just get signed up as authorized rep with medical and business it can help. Also, if you can afford some hired help, do it. If not, try to pace yourself and try to carve out an hour or more a day just to take care of yourself, take a walk, take a hot bath, do this every day and it can make a difference in your own health and sanity. It's very very hard and there isn't enough information and support out there for adult children caring for their elderly parents.
Thank you. I’ve been on this journey for about a year and it has been difficult but I think a part of life. Staying respectful of parents while helping them is important.
My dad died from bone cancer and my mother now is currently suffered from stroke and schizophrenia and me and my younger brother are taking care of her I halted my career but I guess this my life task and I hope everyone who is in the same situation would stay strong mentally and physically and we can complete this mission.
You are right in that comment about looking after aging parents can be an emotional journey. There are so many questions about where to find resources for help with aging parents. At our law firm in Arkansas, we specialize in Elder Law and we often have people ask us these exact questions. Many elder law questions are answered on our CZcams channel, we have over 100 videos on many legal topics
This is so difficult. I don’t know how us millennials are going to handle raising kids and taking care of the elderly. Also us millennials do not make a lot of money.
@@Cupcake4me 2008 Recession, repayment of Covid stimulus debt, short supply of housing, automation in jobs just to name a few. I have a list of books I can recommend to you if you are seriously interested in understanding the complexities this generation faces. I am not saying we are special but we have a different set of circumstances.
raising kids is more important. they are small and vulverable and not old enough to make their own decersions. thei destiny is to gropw up and reproduce. an elderly person is no longer needed and are a nusiance riddles with illnesses. their destiny is to die so let them
My wife of 24yrs is caregiving to her 85yr old mother who lives with us. Its taking its toll on our marriage sometimes we argue we dont speak to each other its so stressful. My wife is tired and grumpy all the time I hate it. She doesn't want to take her mum to a nursing home.😟
Been dealing with my wife care giving away from home for the last 5 years, first an uncle now her mother. She got home at 10 o’clock pm yesterday after being there all day and her dad called her saying come back your mom just pooped!
For those people who are determined to "die in their own home", a word of advice: Make plans to hire a live-in helper. At some point you won't be able to shop, or drive, or take out the garbage, et... you may even need help taking a shower or going to the bathroom. Don't expect your kids to fill this role. It's not right to demand they abandon their jobs and families to come and take care of you in your home.
I think culture has to do with ut. You look at oriental people...they take care of their parents til death. They believe their parents took care of them when they were children...now is their turn to care for them. I admire them. God bless the person who cares for their parents.
There is no requirement to own a plan to pay for 'activities of daily living,’ why have the conversation about long-term care benefits? 1. Caregiving means daily living activities, which means you will someday transition from an active lifestyle to needing assistance with daily living activities. 2. You have choices. You and your family may use your personal resources or telephone or write to your Health Insurer, Medicare, Veterans Benefits, or other social services to ask them how and where they will pay for your caregiving. 3. Own an LTC plan allows you and your family to decide where and with whom you want assistance with your daily living activities. 4. LTC benefit payments paid to you or a care agency are not subject to income taxes. 5. If you are a Corporation, Partnership, or LLC, some of your premiums may be deductible.
Almost 80% of divorces are filed by women. Most of the time, for this that can be worked through. This “Strong Independent” movement has a consequence, and I think that millennials and Gen Zrs will have a hard time taking care of all of these aging women who believed that they didn’t need a man. It’s much different when the parents are still married.
y’all are so annoying making every topic about women not needing you losers and it’s clear why because majority of men die before their wives and their wives are their caregivers very few men stay by their wives when they’re chronically ill so what’s your point really ? Women die alone married or unmarried.
That’s part of the picture, but also, traditionally, women in abusive or controlling relationships just lived (and died) with it. Now they’re not likely to tolerate it if there’s a way out. At least not forever. In those marriages, of course it’s the woman who files for divorce.
Its extra difficult whit a dysfunctional family who has not healed.
It's all about love, patience and humour. My mom battled dementia and cancer and died in my arms last year. She left feeling very treasured and loved. What more can you ask for?
the sound of moms dying in my arms sound terrifying , im sorry you had to go through that. i hope you are ok these days. i could really use some of your strength. im a full time caregiver to both parents for the most part, and thats one of my biggest fears is them dying right in front of me.
That is beautiful.
@robin mcgregor its alot! My mom has Alzheimer's and she is wheelchair bound.
@@dirtycarpet6134 I understand why you feel this way. I have felt this way too for a long time. But I’ve had two very different experiences with loved ones passing. And let me tell you: having them pass surrounded by family/friends/loved ones and dying with dignity is the absolute best you can ask for. To die feeling loved is a GOOD death. And let me tell you: not everybody gets that. So even though it’s scary, it will be worth it and bring you a lot of peace. I thought I would be scared, but when my uncle passed, but it actually familiarized me with the process and comforted me to know that a good death is an option. That’s what I pray for my parents now, when their time comes.
I really admire you. Majority of adults in this country don't want their parents near. Even if the parents were great parents. They just don't want to bother. 😢 . That is terrible. So God bless you always ❤.
It's really hard though because you can get burned out very easily especially after caring for parent (s) for years. And siblings don't always help and parents aren't always grateful, etc. I do a lot behind the scenes without even telling my parents because it upsets them. If you can get POA or even just get signed up as authorized rep with medical and business it can help. Also, if you can afford some hired help, do it. If not, try to pace yourself and try to carve out an hour or more a day just to take care of yourself, take a walk, take a hot bath, do this every day and it can make a difference in your own health and sanity. It's very very hard and there isn't enough information and support out there for adult children caring for their elderly parents.
Thank you. I’ve been on this journey for about a year and it has been difficult but I think a part of life. Staying respectful of parents while helping them is important.
Yes,definitely!
Respect is earned not given. My parents don’t respect me so I won’t respect them
Lost my mom to upper respiratory failure at 59 and now watching my dad age at 67 is really hard. I'm so glad I stumbled on this
My dad died from bone cancer and my mother now is currently suffered from stroke and schizophrenia and me and my younger brother are taking care of her I halted my career but I guess this my life task and I hope everyone who is in the same situation would stay strong mentally and physically and we can complete this mission.
You are right in that comment about looking after aging parents can be an emotional journey. There are so many questions about where to find resources for help with aging parents. At our law firm in Arkansas, we specialize in Elder Law and we often have people ask us these exact questions. Many elder law questions are answered on our CZcams channel, we have over 100 videos on many legal topics
I can relate to just about everything that was discussed on this show. Thank you.
I am 60...my mother is 85....she needs to rap this up....way past her expiration date....
😂 for real?!
My neighbor is 97 ! Still lives alone with his wife.
Mine 95 and me 69 been doing this alone for 12 yrs. Just got her in memory care, now some time for me, until the next thing .
Why am I just finding this now!.. ok I get it.. because I am actually needing to find this now!!
It's alot of work but I did are for my mom until she died in 2022 at the age of 76 with some help from my siblings I cooked washed etc
my arents refuse to discuss and act suspicious and angry so we dont go over not all parents are nice
This is so difficult. I don’t know how us millennials are going to handle raising kids and taking care of the elderly. Also us millennials do not make a lot of money.
What makes you millennial different from the rest of us that would make it so difficult……
@@Cupcake4me 2008 Recession, repayment of Covid stimulus debt, short supply of housing, automation in jobs just to name a few. I have a list of books I can recommend to you if you are seriously interested in understanding the complexities this generation faces. I am not saying we are special but we have a different set of circumstances.
It's going to be super tough.. mental health issues will definitely be on the rise
I'm a millennial and my 56 yr old mother has MS. The most difficult thing is the mental strain.
raising kids is more important. they are small and vulverable and not old enough to make their own decersions. thei destiny is to gropw up and reproduce.
an elderly person is no longer needed and are a nusiance riddles with illnesses. their destiny is to die so let them
My wife of 24yrs is caregiving to her 85yr old mother who lives with us. Its taking its toll on our marriage sometimes we argue we dont speak to each other its so stressful. My wife is tired and grumpy all the time I hate it. She doesn't want to take her mum to a nursing home.😟
I hope y’all make it. You will get through it
Putting your marriage and health at risk.
My wife and I,more of her,have her father living with us,8 years now,he is 91
glad you are a supportive man
Been dealing with my wife care giving away from home for the last 5 years, first an uncle now her mother. She got home at 10 o’clock pm yesterday after being there all day and her dad called her saying come back your mom just pooped!
For those people who are determined to "die in their own home", a word of advice: Make plans to hire a live-in helper. At some point you won't be able to shop, or drive, or take out the garbage, et... you may even need help taking a shower or going to the bathroom. Don't expect your kids to fill this role. It's not right to demand they abandon their jobs and families to come and take care of you in your home.
I think culture has to do with ut. You look at oriental people...they take care of their parents til death. They believe their parents took care of them when they were children...now is their turn to care for them. I admire them. God bless the person who cares for their parents.
Kids screaming through the whole thing...?
There is no requirement to own a plan to pay for 'activities of daily living,’ why have the conversation about long-term care benefits?
1. Caregiving means daily living activities, which means you will someday transition from an active lifestyle to needing assistance with daily living activities.
2. You have choices. You and your family may use your personal resources or telephone or write to your Health Insurer, Medicare, Veterans Benefits, or other social services to ask them how and where they will pay for your caregiving.
3. Own an LTC plan allows you and your family to decide where and with whom you want assistance with your daily living activities.
4. LTC benefit payments paid to you or a care agency are not subject to income taxes.
5. If you are a Corporation, Partnership, or LLC, some of your premiums may be deductible.
Almost 80% of divorces are filed by women. Most of the time, for this that can be worked through. This “Strong Independent” movement has a consequence, and I think that millennials and Gen Zrs will have a hard time taking care of all of these aging women who believed that they didn’t need a man. It’s much different when the parents are still married.
y’all are so annoying making every topic about women not needing you losers and it’s clear why because majority of men die before their wives and their wives are their caregivers very few men stay by their wives when they’re chronically ill so what’s your point really ? Women die alone married or unmarried.
Yes
That’s part of the picture, but also, traditionally, women in abusive or controlling relationships just lived (and died) with it. Now they’re not likely to tolerate it if there’s a way out. At least not forever. In those marriages, of course it’s the woman who files for divorce.