Let's Talk: No Contact
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- čas přidán 26. 06. 2024
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I've been no contact with my mother for over 25 years now. Talk to my sister all the time though.
This. All of this. Have been on both the giving and receiving end of this. Let this be your "Here's your sign" moment if any of this applies to you. Only you can change yourself. You can't change other people. No matter how much you may love them. If the love isn't reciprocated, you're wasting your time. "You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make them drink." Maybe hold hope that they'll eventually come to a realization that they're doing wrong, and will change themselves, but don't be an enabler.
Say it louder for the people In the back! JUST BECAUSE THEY ARE FAMILY DOESN'T MEAN YOU OWE THEM YOUR LIFE.
I grew up with autism and my mom started out great and by the time I was 8, it all went downhill. I cut her out of my life 6 years ago and the most common thing from my brother and father that they hold over my head is "she helped you through your autism and you should talk to her because she put in the time to teach you."
YOU DO NOT OWE PEOPLE YOUR LIFE.
My mom may have brought me to classes to help my autism but this was also the same person who would
1) come home and talk to me (when I was 8) about adult and personal things (like about being raped by my uncle)
2) if I was talking and happy with another family more than her; she would cut me off from seeing them.
3) she played favorites between me and my brother.
4) I was her only friend to talk too so she had to call me every single day otherwise she thought I didn't love her and she would come over to wherever I was living and start letting her emotions out.
The list goes on and on.
If you have people like this in your life LET THEM GO AND EVERYONE ELSE THAT THEY'RE ATTACHED TOO.
The thing i've found is that some people you can push through that slice of them, but it takes time and effort to maintain it. People, in reality, are more that just one thing, they have a lot of faces to them and that's just the way it is.
Yeah maybe someone is bitter at their core, and to hell with them. But maybe they're bitter because they feel hurt and if you're both honest with each other you can work that out and find that the relationship is stronger than it was before. Like, i don't know what you kids are into, video game skill trees? Think of it like that.
Sometimes people also say what they need to hear out loud, because the way their minds work they need to hear it to internalize it. And that's cool! Sometimes something they say will click with you and what you needed to hear, but you also need to understand that the way they talk about things aren't what you think they're talking about. You listen to enough people and put yourself out there enough and be self-aware without being self-conscious and you can tell in an instant and know how to interact with them and help them along or whatever.
✌️
I had to cut off a very toxic friend recently. Best decision I've made all year. My mental health has improved dramatically.
its so important to be able to let yourself go no contact with people, because theres situations where not doing so can quite literally be the end of your life, whether that be in a metaphorical or real sense. ive had to do it with my mother, to the point of a restraining order. its hard, it really is! but every day ive gone without having to be around her has been a better day in the long run. i hope that everyone whos in a situation where they should definitely prioritize their own health and safety is able to do so and be better off in the future. if nothing else, im rootin for ya, stranger!
holy shit this video is incredibly well-worded and highly informative.. i wasn't expecting this to hit me so hard, i hope this helps people out there to stop letting people step on them
Cutting my family allowed me to grow as a person and just be me. Could not continue being their scapegoat
luv you arty
This video was painfully relatable and very real to what I've been doing and going through lately
its been quite a while since I saw your videos, happy I caught this, super important discussion, thanks for addressing it. As a queer neurospicy individual with ADHD in their mid 30's - cutting out toxic ppl from my life in recent years has been a game changer and validating, I still get bouts of doubt; where I question my decisions, missing having a larger friend circle - but ultimately I know I'm in a better place now, and want to work forging new healthy friendships and connections going ahead, which in its way is exciting.
What you said about family couldn't be more true. Everyone in my immediate family is terrible to each other but we have to get along because we were told to.
Sadly, it's so often that self-preservation is falsely perceived as selfishness.
Another great video from you Artemis. I agree with all of this. I hate how much we can feel guilted into keeping harmful people in our lives because, "we just have to". I'm still trying to get better at asserting myself by cutting contact with folks when it's needed.
Might just be my situation but it was unintentionally the second I was legally able to go out on my own? It was just a natural progression to slowly go no contact. I'm not great at mincing words on the spot but not seeing my mom and stepdad for years has done more to show them wtf is wrong with them then any of the arguments I have ever had. Awesome video Artemis.
Not that they're learning from it, just gaslight!
TLDR, sometimes you just gotta wing it chiefs!
I had to cut ties with small majority of old friends especially toxic ones, and sadly even some of my family members who I tried to turn to despite my troubles but I doubt they care anymore. Personally I think it's cause of my lifestyle and orientation. Surprise Surprise.
Good advice Artemis
I also had to make that awful decision to cut of what I thought was my best friend of five years
It made me extremely sad at the end, but the relationship was very much one sided a lot of the time and I do blame myself as well for not seeing it much earlier
I bent over backwards to try to keep it going
More fool to me though
I lost faith in trying anymore with others
Better to stay alone I feel
It certainly screwed with my mental health to the point of jumping of the deep end
I was just fish baited all along 😕🥺😢
Artemis .good man.. lots of interesting points to think about in this video ...i did used to know a friend who used to keep asking for money , learning to say no was the best choice made .i have not seen much of this friend as much when i stopped lending the odd pound or two for Cigarettes or things small things at the shop's i was not going to used anymore.
Can be the hardest thing ever to admit that a relationship is not worth it anymore. Don't fall for the sunk cost fallacy.
You don’t know how much I needed this right now - been battling my people pleaser side for over 6 months and am yet to actually sit the person down and say “ hey this ain’t working for me now I need to move on “
I hope that I can have the courage to Do this soon
We need a service that allows us to give the name of the Person and someone makes the initial move and starts the process then mediates between the 2 sides until no contact is achieved lol
My "Personal advise" on people pleasers. 1:08
Ngl, From first hand experience for the people pleasers, just move on. yes, it hurts but clearly your too invested in something that they aren't even aware of (if they arent even acknowledging your attendance and Frequency to be friends, don't sacrifice yourself just be there for them.) (DISLAIMER): not saying everyone is like that, cause some people are just really busy.)
But For me personally, I've had it happen plenty of times where I've had so many interactions, and so many different friends. I tried harder and harder to be around for them and relevant caring about their every problem, where id personal sacrifice time, happiness, and every important things, just to hang with them to make them happy.
But the more you do it, the more you draw a line between having friends in general cause your tired of the emotional exhaustion with each and every friend, and you starting wanting someone who'll do the same as you would for them, thus you'll look for friends who'll sticks around and be there for you too. Not just you being there for them.
(Also People pleasers, They also don't often talk about their problems cause They don't wanna ruin others good moods. Although friends do it to you often Even when your day has been the greatest. you'll still keep asking what's wrong in an attempt to cheer them up)
Nevertheless all and all, From someone with experience (I would still do it out of habit, but i distract myself with hobbies and ive learned this lesson over and over.)
Please, Don't sacrifice your all. Remember Your just as important as they are, don't forget Take time and repair yourself.
You are such a cute doggo 💙
the problem is nowadays people hear about cutting ties too much and that can lead to someone doing nothing wrong and still being cast out , worse everyone thinking they are the good party and pointing fingers as fast as possible to not be accused first
shit can get real toxic real fast even if you are trying your best
I know it may be odd to say given the video content, but... us people pleaser helpful types are also susceptible to being on the receiving end of being cut off. And it hurts so, so very hard. A lot of trauma was gifted to me by someone I considered one of my closest friends, who decided abruptly to go no-contact. I wanted to understand what i did wrong, fix whatever i had to make up for it. In the end, it wasn't something in my control. I got cut off point-blank and left wondering why. I could go on forever, but... i think i genuinely have, maybe not PTSD, but some more diet form of that, from it. It was panic attacks and the like every week/month for years, though... The hardest part was learning to say fuck her, and accepting that its not my fault. Now she's a villain in my story, as you put it. I wonder if she takes pride in that.
I'd kill for a video on that kind of experience, or even a video about how to tell who is worth putting up with or not... but i get if its not your cup of tea.
Jfc i've been in your shoes too. Still trying to get my stuff back 4 years later that they stole, getting 2nd hand message from a mutual friend that this person wants to give my stuff back but nothing comes of it.
Honestly, this experience shattered that people pleaser part of me and got me to grow a spine and build self-esteem. Now i'm sort of the opposite in that i don't need the approval of others to feel good about myself.
Imo though, to STAY a people pleaser after what is clearly a wake-up call and obsess over what went wrong is toxic in and of itself. Seems like you need to learn to self-reflect and be kind to yourself.
❤
I cut contact with my family all relatives because they toxic evil manipulative all I got to say to them is good fucking bye . Great video arty xd❤
I ve been no contact with a friend who scammed me outa ten k of which I had an crush on him since high school.
I had to go no contact with my wholefamily and one of mybest friends had to go no contact with me because of my family cause i look too much like my brother (you can connect the dots)
so i have two friends I've met online a few years back
they were great compony in the moment
but then drama struck
i had recorded evidence that someone else was calling them names behind their backs and clearly didn't like them, they insisted that i shared it and because it brought so much joy to them i did so.
when the guy came on the chat a few months later he apologize and i forgave him
but the one he was talking about and his close friend talked me away from that
i even said if the guy apologized id delete it, da membah chat no longer exists because they're was no such thing as sending random messages to one particular person
and i still haven't changed his name from pussyass Tarzan friend
I'm early