Challenging Behaviors with Foster and Adopted Children | Preventing and Handling issues
Vložit
- čas přidán 30. 06. 2024
- Do you want to foster or adopt? Book a consultation with me! ✨ adoptinformed.com
--- Comment Policy ---
I created this channel as a space to encourage others. I truly believe that even if we have differing views, we can still get along and be kind. That being said, any hurtful, mean, offensive, or malicious comments will be deleted.
Thanks so much for watching!
-Katie
Former foster youth, multiple placements. Building trust is more than just keeping promises. I still have trust issues because of the trauma I experienced in foster care. I had so many control freak foster parents who had their schedules (8 pm bedtimes when I was 15) and really were obsessed with asserting their will over kids and what they thought was the way kids should be raised. I liked anime and manga and had several homes that banned me from reading/watching it and would lecture me on why that was the right thing to do and wanted me to thank them for it. This is one of the big issues IMO with foster care - you can be placed with kids who have very different believes, interest, hobbies and culture that clashes significantly - especially with many conservative, religious foster parents. It really didn't matter if foster parents kept their promises if at the same time they were telling me how wrong it was for me to watch Avatar the Last Airbender since it discussed reincarnation and instead wanting me to do Bible Study. I also saw kids who really like rap music which did include vulgar language having that music banned by foster parents. Too many foster parents say "my house, my rules" and that can likely could even worse with adoptive parents. I've seen other foster siblings implode after foster parents took away everything because their music, their games, their interests were all deemed "wrong" and impropriate. And you wonder why they have behavior problems. The trust issues I got from foster care was all due to foster parents' beliefs being seen as far more important than mine and their absolute determination to try to assert those believes on the foster kids they were caring for.
Thanks for sharing that perspective! I definitely see how it would be hard to trust someone if you don’t feel they are accepting you or allowing you to pursue your own interests. I also see how it can be really hard if you are placed in a conservative Christian family and you don’t share those beliefs. My husband and I are Christians, but we believe following Christ is a personal choice our kids would have to make for themselves. For now, they all come to church with us because of their ages, but down the road it will be their choice. It is a hard line to walk as a parent and something I’m sure I’ll make mistakes with too! (Also, I love Avatar the last airbender! My sister and I used to watch it a lot) ❤️
These tips & tricks from your experience is so helpful as a first time mom! I would never have figured out that reducing toys could help. Youre a time saver
It has made a huge difference for us! And it’s an ongoing process for sure :)
Our 11 year old niece moved in with us a little over four months ago. She undoubtedly carries her fair share of anxiety and trauma from her homelife. When things go her way, she may be so well-behaved, but the moment they don't, WHAM, she becomes a whole different person. She contradicts us, talks back, and throws tantrums like an infant. She starts treatment in a month to address her trauma and PTSD. Nobody informs you of the challenges foster and adoption parents experience. It really opens your eyes. It's so much work and right now I am feeling like it's a thankless job. It isn't always sunshine and rainbows. I wish we had more help with what we are dealing with, I am so glad your channel showed up in my recommendations.
Thanks for being here! That first year is always so tough in general, but that sounds like a really stressful situation. Praying for your family today ❤
Love the first tip of decluttering and keeping the home clean
Best City?? Tough one. I’d have to say Pigeon Forge because of the family-friendly atmosphere there.
I’ve been there several times! I would love to take the kids sometime.
this is what i was gonna say! i haven’t been out much, but we went to TN for our honeymoon!
I made it to the end! 😉😊
To answer your question, first a little background clarification: I was born in Florida in 1963, and shortly after, my family and I moved to Europe for 5 years, returning in 1967. I lived mostly in the U.S. from 1967 to 1985, when I moved to Germany, where I still live today.
Now to answer: My favourite of the U.S. cities was West Caldwell, New Jersey, just because the years we lived there (1967-1972) were the happiest of my childhood. My second favourite city is Phoenix, Arizona. My dad and brother lived there for many years, and I loved visiting them every chance I got. I love the climate and landscapes! If I ever move back to the U.S., that's where I'd like to live.
Thanks for another great video!
Great tips. Thank you.
Your videos have been a Godsend! Thank you for taking the time to share. Best city to visit in the US? I'm a nature gal so I prefer small mountain towns. My favorite town is Silverton, CO
This may help some people on the first point. I have a child with adhd and I have adhd symptoms (never been officially diagnosed). I had someone recommend having a “clutter box” (with a clear lid so you don’t forget about it) in each room that you can put all the clutter in before you sort it.That way when you’re de-cluttering a room you can confine the clutter to one space and it will make it feel more manageable and less overwhelming. You can also step away from it if you need to.
Love that tip!!
I don’t have a favorite city. But I’m from Ut. Love your videos.
Thanks! 😊
Thank you
Lol I like your question at the end. I’d say probably San Francisco!
Weirdly enough, Oklahoma City was amazing to me. Probably cause I've always lives in small towns lol
I'm new here I'm thinking about adopted kids one day
So far, Zion, Utah or Gatlinburg, Tennessee are my favorite places!
Thank you for the content! BTW, your eyes are so pretty!
Aww thank you!
Orange Beach, Alabama is the best city. It's in the Gulf Coast, white sand and blue waters.
I loved Boston when I visited. It is a city I would love to live in but will probably never be able to afford.
I’ve heard it’s very expensive to live there!
Genius
Hi Katie,
I am a new foster parent. Social services told me that there is a 3 month ‘Honeymoon’ period and it is typically after that time that bad behaviors become more apparent. Has that been your experience?
Thank you so much for your content. Your experience and advice has been incredibly helpful and encouraging!
Yes! There is definitely a honeymoon period but the length depends on the child. With our son we had basically no honeymoon period, but with our oldest daughter it lasted a month or more. 3 months sounds long to me 😅 a lot of times this is when the kid is not positive you are safe and trustworthy so they are going to be on their best behavior and possibly seeking to flatter you as a survival mechanism. I shared a bit about our experience in my adoption update videos if you want to check those out!
I would say, the honeymoon period definite varies by kids, but I think age is a huge factor. My daughter was 18 months and son was 3 and half when they moved in. The honeymoon period was probably less than a week lol. The adjusting period was about three months for all of us to feel "normal".
❤
Montreal, Canada!
Seattle, WA!
Billings, Montana
Duluth, Minnesota
Victoria, British Columbia in Canada
Charlottesville, Virginia
Brisbane, Australia 🇦🇺
Awesome! Thanks for watching! 😀
Tampa FL maybe
St. Gallen, Switzerland, lol
My father in law was from St. Gallen
Switzerland is definitely one of the top places on my list to visit! :)
Where can I get the schedule?
Yes, they look great🎉 thanks for the video
Anywhere with the mountains honestly
Lake Tahoe, California
I would love to go there someday!
New York
Frankfurt, Michigan
Did you have an example of the consequences that you use?
We do early bedtime a lot! It’s kind of a logical consequence in our minds because usually when our kids are getting angry, lashing out, a little extra sleep can do wonders for them the next day. We have done both time-ins and time-outs. Sometimes we have them do an extra chore with us. Or if they hurt a sibling in some way, they may have to take that sibling’s chore for a day or two. My husband is good at coming up with ideas that really fit the situation and turn it into a learning experience.
@@adoptinformedI would love a video with LOTS of bad behavior and consequence examples, especially by development level
Don't have a favorite city in the U.S. yet. What's yours?
I really like Asheville, North Carolina!
Flórida