INTJ Personality Type Advice
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- čas přidán 15. 09. 2019
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In this episode Joel and Antonia dive deep into the unique challenges, needs and desires of the INTJ personality type.
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Mature INTJs don't like to argue. Full Stop. Also the INTJs who have read more books than other INTJs operate on a different level entirety.
@@michaelhenault4381 can you elaborate on that second part?
Yeah. I stop proving and arguing other people what's correct thing to do. But can't help staring people doing stupid things and be curious how chaos occur.
Q
That's not esoteric at all. You know too much about me. I've returned to this Podcast many times.
As an INTJ having a true friend is like coming up for air after being underwater for a long time. It is the best gift an INTJ can have.
And I have yet found one.
I agree after finding that freind it feels like i got huge weight out of my shoulders and talking with him and hearing his response can give me another prospective to to the puzzle
That's a such a good way of putting it
This is SO true. For that matter we started a discord chat. Feel free to join us! discord.gg/aGmRAx
Agreed. My one friend i can sympathize and be supportive to each other with is an INFJ, and he is the best gift i have right now. I am very thankful for this. Friends are the best thing you could have in your life. Value this bond. Meeting once and laughing with them doesn't make them a friend. True friends are much more important.
As an INTJ the best way I have been able to explain my feeling of interacting with others is that when I do, it always feels like I am the sober person at a party.
Accurate
So true. Other people seem so irrational and volatile.
We have independent critical thought. Most don’t 😬 too many hive minded morons, you know?
Same, I hate how weed starts dumbing down my brain.
Only, I am always the sober person at the party observing the masks coming off the drunk ones.
Being alone in our thoughts is not painful. It is peaceful.
Yeeees
As long as everything is orderly
Not always. Take on the biggest problems and suffering and be alone. I feel like I'm being eating alive. And when no one around can understand you and they avoid you. I dont understand why people outcast who They consider maybe, smarter. Because they aren't at thst level. But I listen to people who are more educated and try to learn. Bash my ideas agsinst theres and see what sticks. My people suffer from lack of knowledge but won't hear me. They fall into escapism. Video games 12 hours a day, alcohol and weed abuse. Working a job they dislike, and don't fix anything that makes them miserable and say some mumb jumbo like, I gotta get to this point. Make this much. But you waste your time. You can view people spend 600h on one game.then move on.... Learned nothing.gained nothing. And i hate living in the NW. But i cant bring myself to just abnadon helping homeless folks.
It's us being ourselves.
I like to think of my head as my "Fortress of Solitude". This vast, cool area that's silent, fortified and private, accessible only to me and possibly a guest, at my discretion and by invitation only.
As an INTJ, I don’t think I’m surrounded by stupid people. Rather, I wonder ‘how can I make them understand the way I do?’ I think INTJs really struggle with communication and verbally expressing their thoughts and beliefs. I think this is mostly due to the fact that when you speak, there is little time to plan what you want to say exactly. Whereas with writing, there’s infinite time to think, and even better, infinite opportunity to edit before submission. Also, another benefit of writing is that you can read before allowing someone to see the completed product, to ensure that the message is communicating what you want it to communicate.
'How can I make them understand the way I do' in other words how do I educate them (the idiots and studid people). - from a fellow INTJ
At 62 I finally have given up trying to get other people to understand. There's a certain sweet sadness about it, and I'm attending more to my spiritual side.
YES! I find way easier to talk to people through WhatsApp then verbally (everytime that I do I always think about the things that I said wrong)
Exactly. That’s one of the few things I disagreed with in this, was that I don’t think they’re stupid, I just think they dont know much or anything about the given subject...which... comparatively, is true.
That's a great perspective. INTJs have told me I'm stupid to my face on topics I've had experience with for decades. I hope other INTJs treat other people nicer.
"INTJ Women can't connect to either women or men."
Well, the same is true for INTJ men, so welcome to the club I guess.
I typically connect to men more than women because most women thrive on drama, which I can't stand.
Rebecca Pem that is not an INTJ comment.
No i have developed my skill to connect with people and using them as an INTJ-A male. Also helps in manipulation.
We don't understand "mind games", "cheating", and BS that comes with most of relationships. We just don't get it.
This is the issue. We really cannot get down to so low that mot of ppl in relationships think is okay to behave.
@@prody666 please explain
I honestly want to live in a nation of INTJs... anyone else in? Im tired of these people...
just shut the fuck up kid. I am tired of you fucking people acting all intelligent and superior. You're making a fucking bad image for us, so just stfu and stop acting all cool.
Since when did we start caring what others think of us? We already have a bad rap for being intelligent, its not my fault people reject critical thinking.
Also, why you mad bro? Get a grip, I cant make a joke now?
@@daemoniumvenator4155 i was kidding too bro...
gabrielbouloum Either way, I tend to stick to myself simply because most people dont meet my expectations of what people should even be like in the first place,
Hell, I have a hard time meeting my own expectations, mostly because its a let down to live in a world where the majority of the people would rather talk about football stats and dumb irreverent shit than talk about something that is going to actually help or be useful to me or the group. I also love to share knowledge, but only to those who are willing to take it, I have no time to waste on deaf ears. And there are plenty of those to go around to.
As an INTJ woman, I accept that I am a rare and wonderful breed, but I also accept that goddamn, am I hard to live with sometimes.
Yea as an INTJ man, all I can say is that we’re “built different”😂😂😂.
Well said.
~another INTJ female
No you are not hard to live with you just need your own space, love
Humans are by nature hard to live with bc we are all different
how do you know you are an INTJ?
I am also INTJ female and there are many days that I don't want to be me, just to have a break. Nothing makes sense but nobody understands me so I feel so alone.
I don’t think INTJ’s are very well liked in society, especially young INTJ’s. They don’t have social skills to begin with. It also takes time for someone who thinks logically to absorb enough accurate information before they begin making phenomenal decisions. (Inaccurate information provided by parents, family, and the internet creates inaccurate predictions) However, older INJT’s who have invested time and energy into developing their social instincts while continuing to further their self education can become lovable and successful.
At least that is my experience. Early life is pretty rough with a lot of misunderstanding for everyone, including the INTJ. I recommend young INTJ’s to take a stoic view on life, and focus your care to the things you can control, and not on the things you cannot. Then learn to build relationships and wealth through self study and experience. You’ll enjoy the journey and create a legacy that continues to do good for the world even when you’re gone.
I think were not very well liked because were realistic. We see things the way they are, we arent affraid of it and were willing to change it. Alot of people dont want to notice things are off or bad so it is easier for them to curl up in a ball and ignore reality. Thats a thing I have a big problem with at work. People always see me as pessimistic but I'm not.
I agree with your assessment of there being a type of social distancing especially when an INTJ is young. When naturally absorb a lot of information about the people and world around us in such a logical way we generally are more mature than our peers. This isolates us from standard playful childlike action because we're already building a mental system of checks and balances, of what we believe is right and wrong, which puts many children of this type into a position of maturity without being taught the difference of being a child and being an adult.
I love that you mention incorporating a stoic viewpoint into an INTJ's life, something I learned much later on in life which would have helped me process my emotions better when they came up. It puts in a system that takes away the guilt on not being perfect and reacting strongly toward negative outcomes and allows one to view things just as they are in a systematic way that best allows for an opportunity to grow.
I agree. I've picked up meditations and haven't put it down since
I am completely with you! I grew up lonely not because I wanted to, but because I was highly misunderstood. In kindergarten I remember trying to make friends as I wanted to share activities with them (mostly playing with magnets and building block or puzzles) and found myself rejected by each group of kids in my classroom. I wanted to understand, “why?” for so long and it was not until I went to college that I began to explore other people and cultures, likeminded individuals. That’s when I knew that throughout my childhood I was developing an understanding.
Currently, I’m an engineer and started working there not too long ago. I found that I’m respected more than I believed in myself to be and I’m doing extremely well in my role. I’m set to using this time to understand what changed and how can I keep improving and developing those skills to one day be able to manage or sustain an organization. Of course, my role as a process engineer is both challenging and FUN, two things I crave! I’m going to continue to grow out of this shell to one day be a successful engineer and leader.
Exactly. : )
I'm an INTJ and I was so proud of my niece when she said to me, "I don't like stupid people."
There are many people who are only alive because by surviving they are trying to prove that Darwin was wrong or that they make a convincing argument for life after brain death.
My ENTJ daughter brought me a coffee mug that says "I'm not anti-social. I'm just not user friendly. " She understands her mom very well.
No one likes stupid people.....
@@shanemitchell5807 stupid people do , cause they can find themselfs in the other human
Nothing more I hate than stupid people. The hardest part is trying to understand and relate to them in some sort of way and reaching a verdict of 0. So I try and distance myself
Can’t wait to actually meet a fellow intj in real life
Tbh it probably won’t happen unless you actively search for that said person, but to actively try to find someone that has INTJ perspectives and the actual traits and the personality, can be hard because INTJ’s are more reserved. We don’t feel like it’s worth the time to talk to someone about this because no one is ever intrigued enough to ever talk about the psychology behind personalities. It’s also why we’re one of the most loneliest types of people in the world because we can’t relate to anyone.
lets meet
set up a mastermind/club/group or local chapter?
I meet one and its the best fucking thing that happend to me
I met one. I worked with him for years. I really admired his thinking and intelligence. I don't think he likes me that much. I think that it's because I still embrace my inner animal with combat sports. He couldn't relate and that aspect of my personality made him uneasy. I tried to tuck that part of my personality away and again focus on intellectual topics but once the cat was out of the bag...
Something that definitely caught my attention was when they mentioned that we see the mind patterns of others. I really felt that. I have noticed that I tend to adjust how I interact with someone according to their mind patterns (that i can instantly understand). I tend to mirrored their emotions but in a way that fits the way they see the world, often because i don't feel they would understand how i see it, and i want them to feel understand when they speak with me. It also seems that i develop real friendships with people with whom i don't feel the need of doing that.
This totally! I feel as if I have a different version of myself for everyone in my life. I do think most people do this to an extent, but I find myself doing it way more than id like too. At the end of the day it is a great skill to have, especially when you have a job where you meet tons of new people every day. And your right, my closest friends are the ones who I don't need to "adjust" myself too.
It's true. As a child, I'm seen as "different" in the way I act compared to other kids. And the older I got, the more I tried to fit in through means of mirroring how others react when told about a certain topic, or just mirroring their expressions in general (which one time led me to believe that maybe I was a psychopath. It was stupid). But I legit do not know what "feelings" feel like, are they absolute? Is there a specific event that will occur should I feel this emotion? It's all a blur to me. I still "feel" things, yes, because I'm a human being, but most of the time I disregard them (aka some might say "running away" from my feelings). Though I am still young, so there's still a lot to learn. But I guess maybe one day I'll be able to make peace with that bleeding bloody piece of shit in my chest.
Omg I've doing that my whole life because i speak 4 languages and like 4 spanish local dialects and I just got tired of explaining myself lol
@@anonnymus1227 hey bro check put Peter crone. He's got great work that helps people understand "feelings/emotions" and the unseen deep rooted ones we aren't aware of that guides our life.
What you said is how I too have always looked at life. Always thought it was weird in a way ie: something was wrong with me from a psychological pov, lol. So I did the same as you just described and always kept my innate way of thinking in the "trunk" rather than as the "driver" seat, but still was able to connect/talk with people from their pov.
I'm an INTJ that was dating an ISFJ. She always hated that I already thought of every possible scenario. She felt like she couldn't ever bring anything to the table. She didn't understand that's because I would only engage externally in things I understood. I typically wouldn't have an opinion on something until I have ran every simulation in my head. I have also found this is why I get along so well with ENTPs and INTPs. They just throw ideas out there and have no reservation on any of them. I could then pick the good ideas and refine them, and put them into action.
Simulations. You nailed it. Constant thought experiments and predictions drawn from observations. Only time I open my mouth or set fingers to keys is when those steps have been repeated enough to warrant an opinion.
I'm an INTJ married to an ISFJ. I can understand what you are saying.
We both bring things to the table though to balance each other out.
Yes! EVERY POSSIBLE scenario - 🤣
isfj tend to take criticisms from their partners personally.
My husband is an ENTP!
"everywhere i look, i find idiots around me" exactly me 😂😂
Yep. Just don't "understand" and now I don't care to. I'm more efficient than 99% of the population.
You said thats you?
Not sure you mean
I've read this at the moment he said it.... What a chance
Ok
I remember when I was maybe 10 years old and one of my classmates openly, in front of other people, gave a Valentine card to the guy she had a crush on. I was so shocked! I couldn’t comprehend the idea that you can be so open about your feelings, whenever I would like someone I would guard it as my biggest secret.
Same
In 5th grade a girl in my class send this message "Hey. I'm Diana. I like you. Do you like me?" to the boy everyone in our class had a crush on.
I'm 23 yo and I don't think I'll ever have this courage. 😳🙈
Same. Whenever I like someone,i just like that they exist. I dont even want to be with them.
Im a intj and i received a love letter once and my reaction was “why the heck would you send me this love letter in this language if you cant even use its grammar properly?”. Instead of being happy it got me irritated seeing the mess. 😂
@@reyshel5964 Literally, I was telling my bestfriend (INFJ) about this girl and how gorgeous she is. He's like why don't you date her and I said that's not possible 😂😂 The girls I like I essentially never get with
Wtf. And all this time I thought I was an INFJ because I absorb everybody's feelings and problems so easily. Turns out, I'm just an unhealthy, horribly miserable INTJ who is terrified of going after her goals because of anxiety and self-doubt (and maybe laziness... either that or I'm just being an obsessive perfectionist that I'd prefer not do something rather than doing it wrong).
I think I've just been saved.
As an INTJ, it took me many years to realize it was other peoples emotions I could sense when I walked into a room, not my own.
@@joshuamichael4312 yes, just now have found this out,... energy in a room can be overwhelming
INxJ is the category when the F/T is mutable like that, welcome to the club!
Psyche, no. INTJ and INFJ are sister types. INTJs normally don't absorb feelings the way you say you do.
Start with doing...perfection can wait. Do is better than wait years with the perfect plan.
Think, plan 80% and do...the rest are variables. Adapt or learn to adapt and implement.
Modification are needed, like driving or walking, eating...and so on.
“I’m surrounded by idiots” is definitely a thought in my head almost constantly as an INTJ (in a reasonable phraseology, of course). 😂
Mackenzie Saxby My social status as a child was undermined by the fact that everyone around me was completely driven by immediate emotional response. Even in college hahahah
SeNtRiCz_DevKep Yup! Thats a big reason why (in my opinion) INTJs feel lonely as kids, because we don’t see the benefits of an outwardly emotional response.
@@mackluesink Yeah I would say that I do see the benefits of an outwardly emotional response for other people, but I don't see outward emotion benefiting me because I don't think it's true to who I am and want to be. Often times i just view those people as being fake. Although I don't hate on actors because they know they are being fake, and the audience knows they are playing a part.
SeNtRiCz_DevKep So true!
I have felt like that since I was 5. I thought I was born into coo coo land
I have this problem too. People are always venting personal things to me and I don't know how to respond to it 😂😂😂
Get a dog, the dog will read your stress patterns and pull you out.
Agree, and if I do end up responding with the truth they are typically offended. So I typically just knod and say "uh huh".
Rebecca Pem yeah I’m like am I supposed to offer them juice or something lol because when I give them solutions to their problems they get mad🤣
I just walk away
@@poprocksminneapolis idk how to respond because when I do I usually give them a solution to their problems and then they get upset then I’m confused as hell because why tell me if you don’t want a solution 🤯
This comment sections is literally the best shit I’ve seen
sarah rim 😂 so true!
More like a fucking cringe fest of conceited people who have no friends and think they are fucking masterminds all because they got good scores on their SAT, or because they are good at academics. Like have you ever considered that maybe people don't like you not because you think "critically" but maybe because of your toxic attitude? Pretty ironic for a personality which prides itself for thinking objectively. Also if you really were good at critical thinking you would realize that the MBTI test actually has very little scientific validity. I am stereotyping a little bit but most of the comments clearly think everyone else is the problem but never take a look at themselves. Most people aren't as dumb as you think they are. Take your head out of your ass and realize that, yeah you may be better than most people at most things but acknowledge that everyone you meet is a person who has their flaws and you don't need to rub in everyone's faces how superior you are and how they are so dumb. 1) Nobody cares 2) It just shows how insecure you are because you have to go out of your way to point out how everyone else is an idiot and tell everyone about how smart you are. A lot of these comments are worthy of being on r/iamverysmart.
@@quickclicktv7546 "Nobody cares"
Red if only 0.01 percent of ppl care, saying nobody cares is valid because statistically 0.01 doesnt matter
@@quickclicktv7546
I agree and disagree with your comment, politely. It is noteworthy from my 1st statement that I'm an INTJ myself.
People are relentlessly egocentric. They praise 'em selves since long dates, even before you and I have been born, so there's no reasonable reason to stress your head out.
The best you can do is to start the difference by yourself, first.
About your words, and the way you applied that... It could be better expressed. "Toxic attitude"
To be honest, you ain't far away from your own comments, "More like a fucking cringe fest of conceited people who have no friends", "It just shows how insecure you are [...]". Extremely unnecessary harsh words, I bet you were trying to be a moralist but ended up saying all about yourself. Most of this comment section are probably people joking around and having fun. You simply ruined it, congrats.
I'm 24 and have done alot of research on my personality and morality and philosophy and I still just opt to shoving everybody out of my life. I feel like I was made to walk this planet by myself. Felt that way my whole life.
I understand what you mean. I’m very introverted, and though I wish for personal connections, I end up distancing myself from other people.
Right there with you brother. I’m24 as well and can’t keep in touch with people or keep them around. I tend to “ move on quickly”
That’s called being an idiot you haven’t met all people how do you know
@@dannym6552 know what exactly? No one claimed to know all people.
im now 55, only just triple tested intj....my confusion is/was i have always been super chatty but any response interest in me and i am out the door...engage with my ideas cos im brilliant, dont get interested in me cos im brilliant and you are probably not. why are you calling me, did i give you my number, oh i did. see, youre already aggro goodbye
" I said that was going to happen...nobody listened to me" could be my catchphrase. I didn't realize until recently this was an intj trait, or how I was doing it. It's comforting that there's a logical reason behind it, that I'm not losing my mind.😂
Same for infj.
it is extremely difficult living in a world full of non-INTJ's. Most people operate on a perpetual closed loop pattern which holds no interest to me.
Sounds exactly like the personality test, let me explain why I think your thoughts are willfully wrong, The test once taken can make people think that’s who I am when in all actuality that’s false mainly because everyone is a unique individual based on circumstances out of our control such as birth,ethic background,etc,etc. The problem with “tests” is it puts people in categories and itself is a closed loop system, I have taken the test but at least I realize that it’s flawed from the start.
Free rosed colored glasses in the loop.😎
the key is to find your passion and not even worry about being alone
the first part is the hard part
I find everything interesting which makes finding my real passion so hard. I feel i can be successful at anything if i try seriously but
@@alphhs5260 yes, precisely.
Being alone seems a foregone conclusion for an INTJ. Implementation of an idea or concept, however, generally requires others and therein is one aspect of passion: how committed is the INTJ to deliver (fruition) on the idea?
Lately my passion has been trying to see through some of these psyops so my research has been amazing and it's been so fun, horrific and all consuming all at the same time. Literally ring binders and notebooks full of material. Yes I am obsessed... But I have some great theories. We shall see how it all plays out.
Before discovering my personality I thought that there is something wrong with my thought process, that I am handicapped because my internal process takes long and congested that I cannot keep up with conversations.
I always also thought so for so long...
I have had the same thoughts as well
Same, I'm just now really learning
I felt socially incompetent for a long time, I even searched for the most ridiculous explanations for my strange behaviour; eventually I learned pretty good social skills (and even a very natural, spontaneous dancer - flirtrer ! who would have thought), but I really suffered the feeling of awkwardness, isolation, lack of understanding of implicit social codes, etc. for a long time
"Smartest" person in the room isn't the correct description; it's more like the most aware, most honest, most truthful, or most in touch with reality for better or worse.
As an INTJ, I have come to think about the introverted feeling, or authenticity, as having great empathy but no way of expressing it. When I see people in pain, sad, angry, etc. I feel it on a deep level, but my first reaction is not so much of consolation, but more of trying to find a solution to fix the problem that they have so they don't have to feel that way anymore. Having dealt with and overcome anxiety and depression, when I see others having a hard time I can say I know how it feels, but I have a tough time connecting with them through emotions because I don't see it as an efficient solution to relieve them of their problems, and it also would put me in a place of vulnerability that would be awkward and uncomfortable. That makes it hard because some people need that emotional connection and some people react well to helping them rationalize what they're going through. We INTJ's are not as cold as people make us out to be, its just that our problem solving skills do not translate well when emotions can be "impractical"
What helps for me when people are having a heavy emotion in my presense (assuming it's someone you're friendly with), is realising that people usually just need someone to listen to them and/or to vent to. So depending on the emotion, I usually try to listen, tell them that I understand how they feel (if they're really sad, I might cry along with them if we're close lol), and offer to give them a hug or something, from my experience hugs often help when people don't feel great. Sometimes people do need practical solutions to their emotions, but that's not exactly a problem for INTJ's I suppose, so I won't get into that.
You are right about offering a hug or listening but it’s very hard to not try to solve the problem because we can.
It’s a foreign feeling but im trying to do that more often because it comes off as cold.
Ugh
It really helped me to develop a set of phrases and reactions I use in certain situations. So when somebody tells me their mother died, I say, "oh, I'm so sorry to hear that" instead of "... okay"
Didn't start hitting my stride till 24. You have to stop caring what anyone thinks of you including close family and friends. Trust and hone you intuition. I've struggled socially most my life but the stuff about being a host is spot on. More control of social settings helps!
As an INTJ sometimes when im too tired to make them understand and vice versa, i just agree whatever they think for less conflict in a group.
Why would you devalue yourself like that? Lol. Devaluing your values, devaluing your boundaries, not communicating properly, etc. So many issues with that perspective.
That's what an infj would do, I know cause I did it once and I felt sick to my stomach like I had done something that feels innately wrong
@@hhassan1217 nope, if you knw your talking to a close minded people, its not worth it to argue. No matter how you argue with them, they will NEVER understand your point.
@@omoeyami9742 maybe i already developed the F since people should adjust and adopt to live in peace☺️
Im an INTJ and I agree, most conversations between personality types are a power struggle for which way of “thinking” makes the most sense. It’s just difficult when you’re not talking to someone like minded. Most INTJs, however, don’t want to convert people to their way of thinking, they just seek to be understood, whereas some other personality types can’t understand how we see things the way we do and almost shame us for thinking “differently” so to avoid that we act agreeable, but I always leave those people to their own devices. I’m an assertive INTJ very confident in my thoughts and actions.
I’m 60 and boy I wish I would have found this when I was younger. I’m going to listen to this several more times to let it sink in. They have nailed me so much.
For once maybe someone will actually laugh at this response. We have learned to instantly reply to a question with “Hang on, I’m thinking” 😂
…chess; checkers; dominos ; poker; mijago…driving folks crazy while …I Think;)
"I can't think when I'm thinking" lol
As an INTJ even before I even knew these classifications existed I realized that if my communication style were to be put visually it would look a lot like a powerpoint presentation😂😂
Over time I have learned that a truly *mature* INTJ understands that everyone is different and that’s *OK* and normal.
I’m an INTJ and have done Human Resources (a field most INTJs would run from) and I have to say it’s been the *BEST* thing to help me realize that just because others don’t think like me doesn’t mean they don’t have ‘value’.
And that’s the greatest weakness of us INTJs we are so caught up in efficiency and effectiveness and understanding that we forget to use any of it in the real world with *real people* which is why some of us just detach.
We have a great gift but if we don’t figure out how to use it to help others it will go lost (and that’s what really makes us sad and dejected like that Cassandra analogy illustrates).
Of course there are times and situations that we as INTJs have to remove ourselves if it’s harmful to our overall health when people reject our abilities (but that is not in all situations which we have a tendency to think).
In short: Get over yourself INTJs and get into the world around you and be surprised at how rich it really is.
Allow people to be who they are and stop 🛑 judging them for not being like you and then you’ll be able to be yourself and be accepted and appreciated for it.
I would not go into HR just because I have to deal with people. When I was young I studied Psychology but now I work in Tech.
BlairWaldorf2013 I think I’ve accepted that other personality types are good for different types of things. They can be utilized in different ways, such as I can be utilized in a different way being an INTJ. Sometimes though it is very hard for me to understand the logic behind the way they think because it is so vastly different from the way I think.
SeNtRiCz_DevKep...well that’s part of the problem with us INTJs we’re always trying to *use* something or someone as a means to *OUR ENDS* but people are Ends within themselves and not tools to be used for our gain.
I think once I got into HR I realized that and it makes it so much easier for me as an INTJ to move within the world and with people in a better way.
I think if we’re honest as INTJs we have an arrogance about ourselves and how we see others and people aren’t equations to be solved or tools to be used...they’re people with complex minds and issues.
If we as INTJs just took more time to realize this and not condemn people for not being like us we’d have a much easier time moving through this thing we call Life. I’m glad I learned through the work I do to recognize when I’m getting to full of myself as an INTJ and bring it on back down to earth.
You can be the smartest person in the room all day but it won’t matter if no one is around to hear what you have to say 🤷🏽♀️
Yep exactly this. The most I've grown is hanging out with people that are the complete opposite of me. Or the most "idiotic" in an INTJ's eyes. I must say I have been having a blast.
One recommendation is to take a year out and travel around the world staying at party hostels and force yourself to talk with everyone.
I've been attending counseling for 3 years and just now, after I've discovered MBTI (as in functions and that deep stuff) I've been able to start coming to terms that not everyone thinks like me or better put it, they're not able to naturally think like me. Makes me come out of my lonely cave
One of the main focuses for intjs is efficiency. Intjs usually think “feelings” are something inefficient so when calculating efficiency we like to take everything with “feelings” out of the equation. Another reason why “feelings” is not important for intjs is because “feelings” are a subjective thing and intjs like to think from an objective centric view. The reason why intjs are so good at logical thinking is because intjs have the ability to detach from our “feelings” when thinking logically/objectively.
yes !! this ^
Ya but people often confuse us with being insensitive.
This woman is really good on INTJ's she's kinda freaking me out tbh
For sure. She is freaking good. I didn’t expect that either.
As an INTJ I would say this might be true for an undeveloped INTJ. When I was in my teens and twenty's i cared what people thought of me. The harder I tried to fit in to other peoples Ideas of what I needed to do and be the harder my life got. The older I got the less I cared what anyone thought and the easier my life got. So telling me how I need to adjust is just your judgmental thinking because I am not like you. Or should I say feeling how I should be to make you comfortable. I am very easy to get along with just ask me what I think. I will tell you. Now if it hurts your feelings then don't ask. I don't know how or care how your feelings are relevant to facts and truth. The only people I care if I hurt their feelings are close to me. The other thing I express my feelings very different. I solve your problems for you. If an INTJ does that for you they care about you. I will fix it, plan it, and implement it for you if I care. If not I will just do my thing and stay out of your way and hope you stay out of mine. The things that make me uncomfortable is mostly people in my space. Don't touch me. Don't stand to close to me. Don't get in the way of the process. Yes that is as simple as stay on your side of the isle at the grocery store. Act like you are driving a car and yield. Say excuse me. Don't just barge in. And say thank you and please. Don't whine to me about anything I don't want to hear it. Stop complaining especially about the weather. Its annoying and means you have nothing else to say. Why say anything. I cant fix it. Yes my words seem harsh no one wants to hear how they are the problem just like I don't want you to tell me how to fit in. Fact is I can't. I have to except that just as you have to realize we don't care about your problems. I don't know empathy. I try but I just don't get it. probably because its a feeling function.
I work at an ice cream kiosk and the thing I hate most is when people storm forward and say "I want a x flavour ice cream" no manners, no hello. Don't say how many scoops, what type of cone, any toppings, nothing. Fastest way to get my intj death stare
I love this so much, explains how I feel. A lot of the time I wonder if I'm insensitive and bitchy for feeling this way and tend to suppress myself in society until I reach a boiling point and just explode
@Troy I wish I could heart and like this a thousand times. I do have one request, may I please screenshot this and share it??? Cuz you literally described me all in one paragraph.
@@ThePrincina you may.
@@troywesterbur706 thank you
I feel that this conversation could possibly be improved by including an INTJ in the conversation to maybe help articulate things better. When saying that they feel that other people are stupid, I would say it's more that they feel like people just don't understand or even try to understand. While I would say that careful thinking is important, what is more important, at least certainly for me, is trying to form a thorough understanding. Looking at things from multiple perspectives is essential for that. I would describe it as an experiment. Examining from different perspectives is like repeating the experiment, but adjusting the variables each time. That way, an INTJ can predict outcomes based on the situation or influence a situation by finding and adjusting the variable that will give the greatest result.
Often people are dismissive about the importance of understanding and the repercussions and that makes the INTJ feel like those people are idiots. Because even after pointing suggesting or pointing something out, often the response is to disregard it as just "overthinking things" or being "too complicated".
I also feel there is a bit too much focus on the need to control when it comes to social interaction. From my own personal experience, the vulnerability does not come from a lack of control but rather from lack of being understood or from not being able to express myself. Being misunderstood or having to have to adjust my own ideas so that others can relate makes me feel frustrated and repressed.
Rather than being in control, I would say that an INTJ just needs to be able to express themselves properly whether it is a through Ni or Te. Though the easiest way for the INTJ to achieve this is probably by having control. I just wanted to clarify that it was more about being able to interact using their strengths rather than needing to have control.
I concur.
I concur.
Exactly
Finally. Exactly.
I somewhat disagree with the first paragraph.
You have to accept that as an INTJ, you excel in some area, but completely flop in others. It's essentially a min/max personality type.
With that said, you have to come to terms with the fact that in many cases, you as an INTJ would have to put in a lot of thought and brain power into things that come intuitively to other people. There are many aspects that not only are not natural to the INTJ, but he is also mostly inexperienced with.
There's a lot of self indulgent, "humble"bragging comments within these videos, but that's probably mostly due to the fact that it's CZcams's comment section. The ultimate realization is that there is almost never a right or wrong way of being, as long as you are of a sane mind, every aspect is a give and take, a double edged sword. Overthinking is not always the correct approach.
As for the second paragraph I mostly agree. I think that it's not about having more control over the situation, it's more about being inept at connecting to other personality types when it comes to social interactions.
The best ways INTJs form bonds is by co working with others for a common goal. That's how I think about it anyway.
When I'm in social situations I get overwhelmed by extroverted types, and hardly ever find an opening to speak. Not only that, I also have to formulate comments and conversations in my head before I talk, which is exhausting when combined with the massive external stimuli.
INTJ has Ti in the critic slot (6th) function. That's why we think we're stupid... We're critical of our own intelligence and think that what we believe to be true might not actually true be. We're always looking for a better answer, hell I expect there to be something better than my dumb ass came up with in 20 minutes. Good strategies and methods take a long time to refine.
Jackington Kellogers Yeah that’s very true, i always thought I was dumb because I didn’t think the way others think. Now I know it’s because I take a long time to analyze and refine an idea. Now I know why my grandpa said I was really smart hahah. I thought he was just saying that to be nice lol
Jackington Kellogers yeah I thought I was dumb because in middle school my piers would understand a new lesson in algebra immediately and I though maybe I was just slow, well I realize it was mostly because I always question new things I learn and need some time by myself to figure things out(overly-analytical) too. I gained much more progress by myself than with a teacher.
@@boohoo334 You are so right! Also in a classroom setting it's hard for me to think rationally because of all the people in the room. It is later when i go home and work on it, that I actually begin to understand it in my head
OMG I THOUGHT IM THE ONLY ONE! I'll literally siting there thinking about the answer of ma professor question, i got it but then i hear others answer and think that ma answer was stupid BUT it end up that MA ANSWER WAS MA PROFESSOR ANSWER TO LIKE WHAT THE ACTUAL F!
3.83 college, I fooled them all, top 10 percent in my dental class, I fooled the all, top 1 percent in my specialty, I fooled them all, top 1 percent income and net worth, ok. I did ok.
"Identify as Cassandra." YES. I SEE THINGS COMING FROM MONTHS AWAY. I am an INTJ female.
"Last Clash of the Titans "
For me its years away
The worst part of that is not having anyone listen to you. At the same time laughing when they find out that you were right.
Intj female here.
@@melissawalker4093 hey wanna be friends ?
I don’t understand people who just accept things at face value. It’s grating, like nails on a chalkboard but in my brain.
They don’t want to think
They are called animals
Eat shit and multiple
That’s because if you don’t accept things at face value you will never come to the knowledge of the truth, and as a result be ever learning.
@@Alex-qn3me bs, if you accept things at face value you will always see them as what you want to see them as, not as what they truly are. Eyes decieve. Don't judge a book by its cover etc, all mean the same thing. You can only reach the truth by judging and comparing the idea of things and what they seem to be, and the result is truth.
I understand why I feel the way I do now. We’re one of the rarest types. It’s harder to find our types
Oh god, i love listening to the INTJ talks, it's like i felt like an alien all my life then i find out that personnality label and people talking about me like they know me
As an INTJ (female) regarding the intelligence and thinking quality; I interpret it as when I spent more time thinking about a topic than the person I'm speaking to I come off more intelligent, however if I haven't ever thought about that topic I am unable to match that person on the content of their topic and I feel as though I can't think fast enough for the conversation to give any thorough input (and I generally don't like to give any responses I haven't thought about). Therefore I don't feel as intelligent, so I often conclude that my intelligence is correlated with the amount of time and effort I have put into thinking about a topic and depending on the social environment I am in equates to my 'intelligence' in that moment.
Is there 'really' anything you "haven't thought about"? I often joke that as an INTJ, words that you will seldom, if ever, hear from me are; "Hmm...I hadn't really thought about that." :D
We think about everything. It's what we do.
I can relate. That's why I tell people I might not always be the smartest person in the room, but I am usually the most-informed one.
@@ashithaba3076 Do you say that in response to someone saying that you think you're the smartest person in any room, by any chance? ;-) I've gotten that one before, to which I'll respond; "No--I don't think I'm the smartest person in any room, but evidently I'm the smartest in *this* room." :D (Only because the person didn't know what they were talking about, and they saw that I did, they got salty and said I thought I was smarter than everyone else.) I'm like a mirror to others--come at me with snarky and I'll give you snarky. Come at me with kindness, and I'll give you kindness.
There is a difference between being intelligent and being smart. :) Intelligence=overall ability to decipher information, patterns/sequences, complex thoughts/concepts. (You are indeed intelligent, Xandra.) Smart=Well-read/well-informed in many areas. (You are smart, as well.)
None of us knows 'everything', so naturally, we come across folks who are better versed in (this/that) than we are, but that has nothing to do with our 'intelligence'. :)
@@LizInTheB Definitely true, I've thought about a lot of very coceptual/ abstract ideas, however couldn't tell you how a car works!
“they just can’t find you when you’re at home” 😅
right ??? 😂
Rofl
Lol I hear that shit sitting at home listening to this on a Saturday
When an intj is respected he is believed.
That would be a dream come true
This is actually a true statement. It's also easy to earn respect when you are honest and don't hide your thoughts and feelings.
@@robertpomatto23
But they are usually hard truths, and people are very defensive of them, even if you are being completely honest. People only hear what they want to hear, unfortunately
Yes it is true. Many times, I express my idea, people around me feel that it is so unreasonable.
Happens to me constantly. People will shoe my idea away immediately as nonsense, then later down the road stumble to the conclusion I gave them. It's hard not to say "remember 6 weeks ago when I said this would happen and you said it was nonsense???"
or worse... you tell them the solution to their problems. They ignore it. Fuck things up for everyone. Then, 5 years later... "oh, yeah, i wish i had listened to you back then"... and then proceed to dump some new bullshit....which, again, in another 5 years....
@@saberspeed77 they never do though lol. At least they'll never give credit where credit is due.
@Jake Galler as someone that has happened to a million times, you're spot on! Everyone runs with my ideas as their own to show off to the big wigs and CEOs to get all the credit....
@@saberspeed77 people I work with. I completed college many years ago. You guys aren't competing in school, you're learning. No one is going to value your opinions in the real working world, kid. Just wait till you enter the professional world of dog eat dog. They'll STEAL your idea and say it's theirs. Enjoy your ego boost now while you can......
As an INTJ with a Ph.S in Philosophy and Logic. I've been practicing Stoicism for 8 years. This year I started integrating Buddhism into my Stoic practices, and Buddhism has really opened my eyes to learning compassion towards others and learning to be more socially adaptable to other people and their approach to life. Stocism allows me to reenforce my natural INTJ ways while Buddhism has taught me to be more compassionate towards non-INTJs.
I don't follow facts, nor can be solely convinced by science or mathematics. Philosophy and Logic opened by eyes to axioms and really allowed me to follow how I think.
Thanks to Stoicism, I don't feel misunderstood, I don't get depressed, or feel anxious. It has always helped me to be ruthless in my pursuit for what I want to make of life. Learning how not to get offended (Seneca), procrastinate (Seneca), to act as the judge of people's lives (Epictetus), incorruptible (cato), be lazy (Marcus Aurelius).
I love Philosophy, I view Philosophy as a way of life and have been following different philosphical branches for 8 years now.
Learning strict self-discipline has been a game changer for me and has greatly lead to success at a young age (I'm 22), but most importantly, living a happy peaceful life. I find the biggest mistake almost everyone makes os aiming for a happy life. And Ancient Greek Philosophy really enforces seeking a happy life. But as I studied Philosophy more and more, and started publishing and finishing my thesis, seeking a happy life is a guaranteed way to live an unhappy life. A lot of the people around me are extremely extremely depressed, anxious, and unhappy because they keep seeking a happy life. Once I stopped seeking a happy life and focused on creating my own meaningful life and living a meaningful life by embracing what I love and am passionate about. I started to focus on mastering my passions I started to really love my life because I paired this with being as open as possible and learning to reject conditioned preferences. I started forcing myself to engage in involuntary hardships like cold showers, sleeping on the floor, dry fasting to increase resilience. I've been taking cold showers for 3 years now and absolutely love them. I hated cooking, decided to try it out and now love it. I lost 68lbs in 9 months from very strict discipline. Delayed gratification was really difficult for me, but constantly asking myself "why can't you do X?" And answered with a really pitiful and wimpy excuse, learning to override that is really where I started to become happy.
Philosophy is definitely the reason why I live a very happy and peaceful life.
The four most impactful theories I've learned were Buddhism selflessness love theory. It eliminated at least 90% of the sadness I used to feel. Seneca's why are you offended theory. Seneca asked to ask yourself one question: is what the person's saying truth or nonsense? If it is true, why are offended? If it is nonsense, why are offended? Buddhism on suffering. The root of all sadness is the entitled position of rejecting suffering. When our life revolves around suffering. We sleep, eat drink, because we want to alleviate suffering. We don't want to feel hungry, so we eat when we can go days without food and be completely fine yet we're still eating multiple meals a day. Stoicisms negative visualization to became non-attached of the external world. Realizing what I do and don't have control over has been the most effective approach to being indifferent to really toxic situations. Learning to non-attach to end results and focusing my energy not on the outcome but my influence of the outcome I want will maximize my probability of success.
I'm 22, and I make as much as a post grad full-time job. I'm still a student, I just finished my Ph.S, I'm doing a second degree now, and hope to start a master's next year. All my income is passive income. Being in Philosophy alone, INTJ or not, you're guaranteed to be misunderstood. Philosophy is the only field to teach you how to think, and so stepping out of the thinking and wisdom world of Philosophy, it's really hard to make connections. So learning to embrace the difference, applying Stoicism and Buddhism is really teaching me how to develop my own flaws and take an understanding approach rather than a judging. This shift has solved the biggest INTJ problem I face, no one listening to me haha.
Instead of being judgemental, taking an understanding approach has built a lot more trust between myself and others. And has made it so much easier to get people to take me seriously and change the flaws I observe about a situation. Developing trust between my intuition and others through understanding and sacrificing my judgement for understanding is worth while.
Not suffering the deficit of intropection most INTJs have because I chose to study Philosophy, that Introspection allows me to work on flaws.
I lack in many many areas, but trying to learn and bridge that gap is really where meaning for my comes from.
For a young person, regardless of type, you're doing all the right things. You're encouraging! Thank you.
Passive incomes in which fields?
I am really empowered by you and what you have written here. I am 18 now and....I dont know... I am speechless....you seem like the perfect person with whom i would like to spend the rest of my life with. You could be a future-me XD. You would be the perfegt mentor for me. Could you maybe explain or just tell how your "journey" started, like what did you read or how did all of this start? Like I was sick and watched "elementary" and somehow there was a scientific problem. I got more interested in Physics and Mathematics and IT and other science stuff and got rly good marks in school. It happened suddenly. On of my passions just got out like a finger snap. Idk.... Also my dad tought me how to think. Like questioning everything. Always find a better solution. But he didnt do this on purpose. He just told me a lot of his life experience and somehow I thought ut myself. He was raised catholique but quitted it when he was like 20. And so I wasnt raised catholique or anything from other religions. I just tought myself and also from religious education in school, which was very liberal and not excluding anything. I always found some specific thing in other religions and you also talked about Buddhism. Thats really interesting. (I dont know if you can follow or even will read this. ) Like I dont exclude anything at all you know what I mean? Everyone can teach you something, if you are willing to try. And religions especially older religions somehow try to focus on yourself and they are more likely to focus on nature and how you can be yourself. Like it is made for the ancient history where nothing was going on that speed it is now. It just teaches you, how to become you. Okay I dont know if you understood all of this, but I think you are somehow one of my soulmates like my dad was.
Stoicism and secular Buddhism have done wonders for me both in dealing with myself along with dealing with the world around me. Everyday I try to read something from Aurelius and practice or be aware of it at some point in my day.
What the heck is a Ph.S.?
“It’s because the carefulness of thought that they bring to the table”, that resonated with me so much, because I’m very particular with the information I accept as logically cohesive.
I think my INTJ personality really manifests itself when I’m driving; it takes the all my patience to not get frustrated by fellow drivers.
Oh boy, it's probably my biggest pet-peeve. It's really hard not to turn into a vicious animal seething with rage when people drive so carelessly. I can not comprehend how someone would want to pose a threat not only to themselves, but also to other people!
Isolation often occurs from 3 primary sources: 1. The belief that mingling with lazy thinkers might be a kind of mental suicide, as relational levels tend towards entropy or a chaotic thought life. We realize the amount of effort and sacrifice that we put into our thoughts, yet we know that mental laziness is easy to fall into. 2. We are afraid of compromising integrity in our thoughts by way of our relationships: we become like who we hang with is like a fear. 3. People often bounce their ideas off of you in order to attain an understanding of what they really think and at times having to think through their expressed thoughts with them, feels like swimming in a polluted stream, the antithesis of making your mind follow along with the expressions of a brilliant mind.
My thoughts during this podcast: this sounds like two extroverts trying to give an introvert advice. And after listening to another video by the same two people, I find out yes, that is the case. This is two extroverts giving introverts advice. Hm.
Having an eye on the outside is a good thing to have...
She says multiple times that she is extroverted. Does that make it more or less valuable to u? I found it valuable and would hope that an extrovert could take my advice
Well, if we waited for Introverts to have this podcast, it would never happen. So, thank you to them.
@@SunnyGirlFlorida too funny
SG F an INTJ trying to put up a video about INTJ would never go up because there would be another rabbit hole inside the previous 10 rabbit holes all while looking up the origin of the word “the” because they got side tracked after reading through the top 10 google searches on INTJ in around an hour and needed something “light” to read up on to digest what was already researched.
I do not post comments but I must say, this is probably the most elaborate description of my personality I have ever come across. Thank you
I don’t think INTJs are actually feeling lonely, I think society is so busy telling them they should feel lonely, they finally just start to believe it. There is nothing wrong with being able to take or leave people. They won’t feel that way with the right ones. Why waste time with the wrong ones? They will just perpetuate the belief that people really are just THAT dense. Love and kisses, INFJ
In a room full of people but all alone, but not lonely.
As someone who is a hybrid between an INTJ and an INFJ I cannot stress enough how emotionally and intellectually fulfilling it is to have a couple of friends and family in my life that I can converse deep and abstract topics with. Being able to have a small circle of like minded individuals is something that is extremely fulfilling.
A hybrid? Girl stop lol
How are you INTJ and INFJ at the same time? They have different cognitive functions.
I’m very close to INTP but more often INTJ.
Just like some people are on the cusp of E/I … just so happens that my I and T are like 90%
Those are also the closest similar types
@@whatever.username Given i’m about 53/47 I am nearly equally distributed between both. While I am definitely a feeler and a more emotional kind of person, at the same time I am very analytical and logical. Hence why I said I am more of a hybrid than one of the categories.
When they started talking about feelings my brain just died, didn’t understand a freaking thing
This makes a lot of sense. It feels like there is no point even talking to most people because the debate is exhausting, knowing you could talk through every angle and they still won't get it; or if they do get it they likely won't accept it simply because they don't like the way it sounds/feels. So rather than being a mutually edifying or building conversation, it ends up being you trying to endure another person's emotional responses and drama. It's horrible to say but it really does sometimes feel like most people lack the intelligence to objectively understand basic things happening all around them. The only solution is usually to disengage beyond formalities, or else be forced to dumb yourself down and neglect any meaningful mental stimulation to make it possible to focus on where peoe are at. You lose a part of yourself to let other people in because they can't reach you where you're at. I very often have to pretend to be slower than I really am just so people can stand to be around me. It's near maddening and certainly can be quite lonely.
I am a INTJ and I kept telling everyone the housing bubble bust was coming because the simple the fact that housing prices couldn't keep doubling every ten years because eventually very few people would be able to buy houses when they reached the million dollar price range. I could never understand why people couldn't understand that housing bubble bust was inevitable
Most people aren't longterm thinkers.
I can relate. I told everyone in my orbit that Jan. 6 (Capitol attack) was coming almost a full year before it happened. I could just see/feel the groundwork being laid for it all that year. When it 'did' happen, my phone blew up w/ friends saying; "Omg, how did you KNOW?!"
It's like watching everyone else operating in slow motion, and then they still trip up. You don't feel clever, it's just everyone else is really slow 🤫
yes exactly omg
Yes!
Is it weird that I understand everything you both have said?!... I've been dubbed by friends as "the polite asshole".
That is actually quite funny.
I don't think I've ever been accused of being polite. 😅 But, a great deal of the other portion.
I identify as a polite asshole
The antisocial "person" in family gatherings literally 😑
All two of my friends say that I'm the nicest asshole they've ever met. And I hold their opinions in the highest esteem.
In terms of socializing I find the mindset of not caring about the results, or not having expectations really helps
You mean not having expectations about other people around?
@@bianca-stefanasofronie3698 I think more of not expecting a positive outcome or result
For me it helps if I think about all the outcomes, about the posibility of failure and what I'll do if that happens. In this way I won't be surprised by a failure, I'll have a plan B and I won't be that hard on myself.
“Thinking about the box” literally my whole life😭
Im really glad that you guys are taking time in the beginning to clarify that INTJ’s aren’t just naturally smarter or something, one of my biggest peeves is when people get into these intellectual pissing contests with each other and act all “smarter than thou”. Im an INTJ but I wouldn’t classify myself as someone with an superior intelligence. I just have specific standards that I hold myself to when it comes to how i process and understand information
Why is your username stupidlol ?
Are you trying to say something?
I totally resonated with this podcast. As a Christian INTJ perfectionism is definitely something I can easily fall into then get depressed by looking into the projected future of salvation, coupled with falling into those three year old overindulgent senses. I learned a lot about myself, thank you for the helpful advice. I am going to be more patient with myself and God!
As a life long INTJ with a few standard deviations above the average I have found that Zen and martial arts have become a force in my life to get in touch and harmony with my environment in the present. I see my body as the extension of my brain, the way you describe it in the end actually, especially as a part of flowing in fighting, training, and working out.
I think I've re-listened to this podcast 3 times. I'm saving it forever in my folder for times I feel misunderstood. Great, great stuff. You guys have inspired me to pursue a new passion. (Going to force myself to be vulnerable. Ick. But I'm doing it. Thanks!
As someone who has experimented with vulnerability, it is actually easier to navigate the world after you pick it up. Push through the feeling of flashing red battery warnings, take deep breaths and stay locked into the moment. There's a thing I do now, where I actively turn off the mental\internalization process and I can feel my eyes refocus on the immediate, which leads me to believe part of the energy drain comes from trying to do two things at once: experience the moment and process it in real time. Do one or the other, preferably the former when in situ, and the latter when you have time and mental space. My pattern now is thus: I take solitary walks and let myself internalize and evaluate all the moments so far, which lends a time-distance perspective that makes daily reflection faster and more complete. Both at once, and I just fade away into a confusing kaleidoscope of stamina depleting madness--the Ni-Fi loop.
As INTJ, being a host for a gathering or party doesn't make them feel a superior position to be in that party because INTJ people already confident themselves fully anyway.
Socially being alone doesn't make INTJ people feel lonely because they have plenty to think about different things so they are busy getting into a deep thinking process.
Yes I feel way more confident in every aspect of my life when I'm in control of it or have a answer for a road block
I dont feel in surrounded by idiots, I feel I'm surrounded by people that allow their emotions to get thr best of them. More often than not ,I'm more so questioning why tf is someone doing something, with what seems like little thought or consideration for others.
Lol, finally the psychological reasoning for all the times I've said "I'm not surprised".
I feel like i'm almost never really surprised by anything anymore. I sometimes wonder how it's possible that other people are lol.
As an INFP who is close friends with an INTJ, I have learned so much about how her mind works. I'm a mediator so my skill is helping people work through emotions and be a safe place for people. I learned a special process with my (INTJ) friend that works for her.
The first time that I approached her when she was sad, she shut me out and I didn't push her at all. I just told her that I was here if she needed to talk. She gradually started coming to me about situations. I would listen to her and sometimes she either has a hard time pinning the exact emotion that she is feeling or she'll have a really specific emotion and not know what's causing her to feel that way. I've learned to present the possibilities of emotions or origins behind them as hypotheses.
I don't tell her what to feel or what's causing her feelings. I let her find what resonates with her and she'll tell me about it. I never judge her and I always validate her emotions because I know she needs that. Then I ask her if I could present her with some advice/ possible solutions. She always wants that advice and I present it to her in a logical way.
Sometimes my INTJ friend gets put in situations where she really want to tell her significant other how she feels, but she is scared to open up because she doesn't want her feeling to be dismissed or invalidated. I know that she has a hard time with expressing those emotions directly, so I encourage her to write a letter to him about things. It gives her the comfort of knowing that she has complete control of what she is going to say and she has as much time as she needs to work through her thoughts.
With INTJs, I have learned to try to understand their thought process instead of making them feel like they need to conform to how everyone else thinks. I encourage them to be themselves and I think that INTJs are incredible.
Since I am an INFP, sometimes I make decisions based off of my emotions instead of thinking logically. I don't go to an INTJ about my emotions. Instead I explain the situation in a purely factual way and I ask for a logical way to solve things. I appreciate the brutal honesty and the lack of sugar coating.
We can relate on certain strengths that others don't quite understand but we also help each other work through our weaknesses. This is why I think INTJs are superior.
Thank you for listening to my TED Talk. :)
I actually think it may be possible for INFP's to be more similar to INTJ's than INTJ's to INFJ's or INTP's. I suppose it depends on the individual's interests. That introverted feeling, though.
Wow, I actually listened to the whole thing without my mind wandering or me clicking off. I need to listen to this another 3 or 4 times to truly absorb every precious word of this podcast. So this is going in my self-improvement playlist 😀 thanks for uploading this.
Me too, but I have to listen at 1.5 speed. My impatience.
Look at us just intj-ing it up 😂
INTJ female here. This was really well explained. It took me a long time to get the hang of networking and making friends, but once I built a large network of people in my profession, it was easy to find connections with people. I’m introverted but I love meeting up with former colleagues to redo their resumes, help them find jobs, or make connections for them. I volunteer a ton, so I’m always “working the events” instead of attending them. Making socializing a system has truly opened me up to the world! I wish I had learned this much younger.
I'm in IT and i'm always sending jobs to friends or past coworkers that I kept in touch with
I’ve always just felt different from other people and that there wasn’t really anyone who could truly relate to me on a core level and wow, ever since I found out I’m an INTJ and learned more it makes so much sense. Spot on. Thanks for helping me feel finally understood.
Mbti is not a plaster for identity or meaning or religion or personal values. The increasing phenomena of people using pseudoscience like mbti and astrology as a scapegoat to derive personal meaning and validation and what it fulfils beyond the surface for each person due to their personal insecurities and ticks is really quite interesting.
I'm an INTJ. At 11:59 in the video, I literally laughed out loud and hard. That rarely happens, well done sir.
Hey, this might be a little deep. But I want to thank you guys for this podcast. I knew I was an INTJ and I always hear that INTJs are smart and knowledgeable etc... I have become quite depressed and lazy as I always feel like I do not live up to the personality type anymore. Understanding the way in which effectiveness should overtake authenticity as a driving force really helped me to understand that I need to move away from feeling like everyone else does this so why should I to let us take the time to do it in a different way. Thank you guys....I really feel like a lot of my depression comes from not understanding mysef and this really helps. I do not think the power of these deep dives into personality is understood in the world or in my community
It’s unreal how perfect this entire hour has been for me. THANK YOU
There is nothing better than a well oiled team.. I love it when a plan comes together..
Flawlessly in fact
OMG so true, I'm so tired saying, "I told you so" that I'm now biting my tongue.
After taking several tests with the same result, I've finally had to embrace the fact that I'm an INTJ woman facing many of the problems outlined in this podcast. I found the last segment from 55:00 on until the end very insightful and will definitely begin to implement so of the advice and strategies suggested.
You guys did amazingly well; so many people miss half the nuances you guys dealt with. There is one thing I'd like to add as an INTJ/INFJ. I've always been on the cusp and as I get older I am moving from leaning INTJ to leaning INFJ. Anyways what I would point out to any INTJ struggling with social vulnerability is you don't have to be the person that everyone knows. Use that innate gift to see through people along with the effectiveness thinking to focus on building a few high quality connections. Just remember you don't have to deplete all your energy becoming a person that can move the world; and you won't succeed anyways because your energy stores will get so low you will self destruct before it happens aka letting either the 10 or 3 year old take over. You just need to be truly close to a few people who can; that's not only something you can do it's something you're good at once you get past the vulnerability hurtle.
I get INTJ: INFJ at about 60:40. So as an INxJ, too: spot on, Gloria. Spot on!
That's not how type and cognitive functions work. You aren't on the cusp between both INTJ and INFJ. You either use TeFi or FeTi. They are very different inner processes. You're either into efficiency/real world effectiveness and have strong inner emotions or you see people as all somewhat the same, are more interested in the logic of things, and have a much more equivocal, calm outlook on things. Of course, we all use all the cognitive functions, but your fundamental inner structure is pretty clear.
@@antistaticandi how about intj vs infp, recently I am a little bit confuse on which one I belong to....
This is by far the best video on the INTJ I have seen on youtube 👍 I keep coming back to it and listening to it
INTJ here. Engineer turned Project Manager turned Portfolio Manager and Continuous Improvement leader. I found myself laughing out loud at how accurately y'all have described me here.
Cassandra. Thank you for introducing her to me. Thank you. This podcast made my day.
58:00 the most important part of attraction is being attractive. These INTJ girls you're talking about have nothing to worry about if they're at least somewhat extroverted. If they're unattractive, they're in the same boat as other unattractive females.
Most people like just telling the stories without any point. I like to hear an essence, a conclusion, not a boring story
i cried so much the first time i listened to this podcast. most of the time, i dont care, but there is a part of me who wants to be understood, specially by my family.
Wow! This has really helped me understand myself. I feel understood for once and not judged for being perceived as a "bad and judgmental person." It makes so much sense now why I have had so much success and ideas etc. but lately I do not feel like myself because I am stuck in my 10/3 year old state of mind. I have been feeling unable to affect anything with all my excessive efforts of the past and now feel stuck and unable to move, which is not at all me. I was confused but this pod cast had brought much needed clarity, I am actually in awe of the level of your understanding.
This is my favorite Dr Who quote . Some says , you're not making sense. He replies ( I'm making perfect sense , you're not keeping up ! )
INTJ here... This makes sense. I am always cooking ideas in my head - I am slow in implementing them though. Here is my current irritating scenario...
Someone always asks me to call someone to find out how He is doing. I can conclude easily that the person is doing fine (considering few things), but it's so irritating I have to make a call just to please this fellow. OOH!
Wow, this is so intricately accurate its scary. Thank you for your incredible insight. A lot of this advice was definitely needed lol
The advice to act in face of imperfect scenarios aiming for effectiveness based on blind hope that things might work is really pointless. INTJ is basically playing a game of chess with life which means they have calculated the possibility of success and the reason they are not acting is not baseless perfectionism but reasonable conviction of unlikelihood of success.
Thank you so much, your podcast was very important and encouraging to INTJs! INTJ can selfreflect, adapt and change, if they have valuable information/feedback from reliable sources like you are! They are very adaptable to any change, but only if they really want(to be open to learn and change), otherwise, they could be very stubborn. I think that many INTJs, mainly raised be feelers, or those HSP INTJs, use their thinking instead of feeling as protection mechanism, as you said in the podcast, they don't want to be hurt. Only people who really know them see their very sensitive and deeply feeling side, other people can see only their shining armor, or in some scenarios also their sword, bow, Katyusha, atomic bombs, or many secret weapons/operations unknown to today world, if needed. Thank you so much for your work.
Love listening to this podcast on INTJ even if I’ve listened to this several times over time. Excellent insights. ❤️💯
Woooooooow. I am only half way through this and I keep making noises like I am watching a football game. This is the most thorough, accurate and thoughtful video I have ever watched on being an INTJ. I am going to finish but I had to say thank you now because I already see how helpful this video is going to be. Amazing. 👏🏾
I really enjoyed this podcast. I will listen again at home but with a glass of wine.
Most accurate podcast I've listened to thus far. Articulately stated
This was great. Ive always taken personality test and stuff as kind fun quizzes and just general curiosity i have always 100% fell into the INTJ category. recently delving deeper into the subject with the interest of just growing and developing myself most efficiently for how my mind works. This podcast was an amazing listen surprised it took me this long to stumble across it.
Again, thank you... this is such a brilliant revelation and confirmation for me... These moments have literally given me the energy I needed to desire for life... I never knew my withdrawl and sheltering was because of my neglect to self... this conversation has allowed me to breathe in such a better recognition and inspired me... for years, I've negated myself and seriously interpreted things in the most delusional way... I have such a better clarity and am so intrigued!!! Thank you so much for shinning this light...
#imnoteffingcrazy
12:00 quite accurate. Sometimes I stand there believing humans are smart and very capable and sophisticated, that there's meaning to our lives. Then just looking around I quickly feel like we're just all animals and there's no point in trying or caring about anything at all.
Viet Nguyen Humans are unique beings, both thoughtful, and emotional. I as an ENFP love this sort of thing about people.
However, people that are just plain dumb just grind my gears because they have some much potential. So I completely understand why people get mad at others for not using their heads or being to emotional.
Despite the fact that we’re different, it’s nice to sit down with others and discuss are strengths, weaknesses; thoughts, ideas; similarities, and differences. This way we can come to a better understanding of each other, and solve life’s complexities.
I hope you have a nice day, and stay safe during this pandemic (despite all the idiots freaking out). ☺️
In my personal experience , I don't hold my own accomplishments in a high regard because they're not remarkable when compared to every other person who has undergone the same activity. I've never understood (or felt I deserved) the compliments awarded to me when I could simply google whatever topic I'm on and find countless results outperforming what I've done. It's not a measure of being "good" compared to the masses, but rather besting those that you have placed on a pedestal, this is what drives my fanaticism anyway.
This is honestly the best advice I've ever received in my life, thank you ❤