My Marriage has been Affected by Mental Illness - Here's What I Do to Cope
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- čas přidán 25. 06. 2024
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Marriage and Mental Illness- How do I cope with depression and anxiety in my husband? Join me as I answer FAQs on this topic in this deeply personal video.
Since my husband started opening up about depression a few years back, and I started sharing about the experience from my side, I have received MANY questions about anxiety and depression in marriage. I am happy to speak on this topic because it is so important and I truly believe that THERE IS SO MUCH HOPE!
Watch Josh and I talk about depression together: • REAL TALK: How To Supp...
Check out the recent Bell Let's Talk documentary which we contributed our story to, In Their Own Words: • Video
Read my latest blog post on this top, 6 ways to cope when your spouse has depression: bit.ly/2DJF09h
5 simple ways to end stigma and start a conversation: letstalk.bell.ca/en/
And special thanks to the #bellletstalk team for inviting Josh and I to participate in this year's media campaign!
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Some people have also found this conversation between my husband and I on this topic to be helpful: czcams.com/video/iYnnfbNNEL0/video.html
I would love some advice. I'm basically going threw the exact same thing with my husband except he hasn't realized that he is depressed and needs to see a Dr. He is still able to get out of bed but I can see that it is a fight. He has confessed to me that he has been telling him self he's a horrible person who has been pretending to love me for the last 15 years and that he thinks about hurting himself. How do I help him realize he needs to see a doctor? He thinks marriage is the problem but I know him well enough to know it's not. He has had an episode like this once before 5 years ago after the birth of our 3rd kid and it took like 8 month but he came out of it. And this time 2020 pandemic issues and me saying the wrong things when I didn't realize he was in this yet, has escalated the situation.
I know Weedborn has solutions to most diseases.
A big hug for you and all the spouses that are supporting their partners with mental illness. You guys are truly their hope to recover and move on in life.
Tracy Nguyen ❤️❤️❤️
I dont like this, this is playing hero ur not the hero thats not good
Wow. My wife is suffering from depression and we've been married for two years. It been rough. Sadly I'm only now really just understanding what depression is and how it affects my marriage... I love my wife, but your right it is hard. I think I'm on a journey of adjecting to her, but it is overwhelming and we don't even have kids. Honestly I'm terrified. I already do so much, I don't think I could handle the loads of kids. Idk but You really have given me a lot of hope. You sound like you've walked my path. And it is wonderful to know I'm not the only one who is going through this.
Antonio Carr you are not alone ❤️
Thanks you for sharing your story. I needed to hear this. I can totally relate to you, my husband if 15 years is also coping with depression and anxiety. I’m the one taking care of everyone and I am now taking care of myself with my own therapist and our marriage counseling. It’s hard to be the rock and strong one, I pray a lot and try to leave my worries to God.
Dinahmite Ideas this is the best strategy in my opinion. Because He has perfect plans ❤️❤️❤️
Thank God for this video. My husband has depression. We are in the midst of his depression and this video really gives me hope. ❤️
MsInspired12 I am so grateful for your words!!!!
MsInspired12 you might also like this one- we are the first segment :) czcams.com/video/Tii9Ri1ycUk/video.html
The most raw content I have seen in years. Thank you!
I have fallen deeply in love with a man who struggles with depression and anxiety. I was feeling hopeless and then I found this video.
It's all worth it in the end.
Thank you, thank you, thank you
Tessa Montgomerie I am so glad you’re here ❤️
My boyfriend and I have been together for 5years. We started off just when we were 14 now we’re about to be 20. He recently opened up about his depression. I feel guilty for all the times I didn’t understand when he pushed me away or didn’t have motivation. I advice all of us who have a partner who’s dealing with depression to simply show them all your love. Don’t show them resent nor argue with them about it, because sometimes those thoughts that come to their head are uncontrollable. Just always support them, and be there for them don’t leave them in their darkness because maybe you’re their only light, and that spark in life that motivates them. Keep your head up and be strong for your relationship. 🙏🏻
Milagros that's great advice. That kind of love is what makes a relationship work.
This is incredibly enlightening... I want so much for my husband to be and feel like himself again. I want so much for him to enjoy life and for me to be more supportive. Thank you for opening my eyes and heart.
Ti C that is what I consider to be my primary mission in this role - to help my husband remember who he really is, not who mental illness tries to tell him he is. So glad to connect with you here!!!!
@19:48 This was so emotional Lisa! Honestly, I was going to cry with you. I think your husband is very lucky to have a wife who loves him that much like you!
Adams Ayash ❤️❤️❤️❤️
Thank you so much for this video! My husband and I are in the throes of his depression right now and he refuses to get help because he doesn’t think he’s depressed. It’s been so isolating and excruciating but your video has given me hope. 💛
Shanon Niles YOU ARE NOT ALONE!!!!!
Thank you for this video. I met my partner online during lockdown last January and we had a whirlwind the first half of the year and finally had our airport moment in July. It was so amazing. But since August I’ve seen his mental health decline from a distance - we live in different countries. It’s felt so unfair and I’ve struggled with my emotions around it as he’s gradually pushed me away. Not taking it personally is huge. And despite how new our relationship is, I’ve never been so sure that I want to be there for him. He says I can’t help and he needs to address his issues himself. We are currently on a ‘pause’ which is hard when all you have is messages. I believe in him so much and I want to be the best support I can and for him to see there is another side to this and I will be there. It’s hard to show much I love him with this distance between us, so I’m doing all I can to learn more. This video helped a lot. Thank you 💜
Lisa, you are an incrediblly strong woman! Thank you for sharing.
abstractionful thank you so much!
Thanks for this video, Lisa! Very encouraging as I’m in a similar position to you.
This helped me open up about it and understand my experience better. Thank you so much♥️
I have to say, your love towards your husband and family it’s pure and it’s something to look up to. 🙏🏽💕
Leidy♥️ thank you so much for watching and your words ❤️❤️❤️
So much respect for your love and courage and dedication, Lisa. You made me cry. I am dating someone with depression and OCD and just like you, I want to see him thriving too.
This was such a blessing. A lot of tears listening to this. God bless you and your family's journey :)
Very glad to hear that it helped! God bless you too!
I am that supporting spouse and I do feel hopeless from time to time, I do feel resentful, that is so very true!
Thank you for sharing your thoughts and feelings - very helpful, thorough & well presented. Very much appreciated your willingness to share - virtual hug🤗✊🏼
Thank you, Heidi! Glad to hear it connected and sending a virtual hug right back at you!
Thanks so much for publishing and sharing your experiences, it is very helpful.
You're welcome, so glad it is helpful to you.
Thank you for sharing. Great advice and practical tips.
Ashley Mosharrafa thank you Ashley!
Six babies! Girl I TIP MY HAT TO YOU!!! YOU ARE SERIOUSLY WONDER WOMAN! I have HAD and it was good to hear this from another spouse cause my husband and I are learning so much together.
VeronicaVeeTV it is such a learning process isn't it! Thanks so much for watching.
thanks for sharing, this was so needed!
lilbrova you are most welcome. There is always hope!!!!!!
Thank you so much for this very helpful and encouraging video. I needed this today.
I am so glad it brought some encouragement. This was the first video I did on the topic, but we've tried to keep the conversation going. It is a journey. czcams.com/play/PLimedAda1Ym1lHN93sJS8Kf-av60-g9Mr.html
Thank you for sharing your story, it is hopeful to see a successful marriage, a successful family, so thank you!
Thanks for watching and commenting! Glad that it resonated.
Thank you So much for this! You’re amazing! I needed to hear this that’s why I searched a video on CZcams with the same title of your video.. you’re strong 💪🏽 keep it up..
Hebah Muhammad I am so glad this was helpful to you!
I never thought about not getting answers when I want or those small decisions being overwhelming. That was a 💡 because I am very impatient and can do much better with this.
Thanks a ton and more Lisa for the all the help and practical advices you’ve shared. I do feel it gets overwhelming for me to be the supportive pillar but now I’ve known what all should I incorporate more in my life to get through this.
I am so glad that you've found some value in this. I have other videos on this topic if you search 'Lisa Canning depression"
Thank you for this as someone who also was diagnosed it’s encouraging that potential spouses are so loving and supportive.
You are most welcome. My husband and I are actually starting a charity to assist those spouses in the supporting role.
Thank you very much for sharing your story, Lisa. My wife and I have been married for 12 years. I started seeing slow changes in behavior around 4 years ago and didn’t realize it was due to the anxiety and depression. We have made progression but it’s still very difficult and this video helped provide more comfort and understating.
Rod Rodrigo YOU ARE NOT ALONE ❤️
Wow . . . Licensed psychotherapist and speechless with your kind rendering of supporting mental illness. “Difficult” questions , gracious answers . God Bless you and yours .
Your strength and transparency is inspiring.
“You are not alone, there is so much hope”
Thank you for encouraging getting professional help, most of us go through 6+ years of training thousands of hours practical work to specifically support the process.
Your LOve ❤️ exudes!!!
I know you do not know me , but , how can I help ?
TiffanyMFT this comment means so much to me!!!!!!! Why don’t you drop me a line at info@lisacanning.ca and perhaps there are some ways we can collaborate in the future!!!!
Lisa! I felt that so much at 19:50. 😭😢 I feel the same way with my husband. I just want to see that weight lifted off him and him to be ultimately happy.
Isn't it the truth? We love them!
You're a wonderful human being..
.thank you for your insights and experiences.
Thank you for the encouragement!
thank you for this video. I look up to you so so much!
Rosa Slegers you are so welcome :)
Thank you so much for this video!
You are so welcome!
thank you so much! it was really helpful for me and worked very very well :)
m pour thank you so much for watching!
Thank you for this video Lisa. This gave me hope. My husband is battling his demons and I’m pregnant with two kids. You gave me ideas on how to manage this silent intruder in our marriage.
I am so sorry for the trying and difficult situation, I know it is not easy. I am glad the video helped a bit. Hang in there! There is hope. 💟
Hi Samantha, I wanted to share this update as it relates to managing mental illness while parenting. I hope you guys are doing well. Any update on the twins? czcams.com/video/CfwpDTF-h_Y/video.html
This is so helpful. Thank you. With love, we can do anything.
I am so glad it was a help, and amen!!!!
Great video and insights.
Glad you enjoyed it!
You're so understanding!
Ege love conquers all ❤️
Thank you Lisa, I found this very helpful. My wife has depression.
John Boruff I am so glad. I know this quarantine time can add even more stress- I hope this season has been ok for you both
Thank you so much for this. We are entering our 2nd year of marriage and my husband’s depression has been so rough lately . I’m trying my best to love him through it all but it can definitely be a challenge. This video helped so much. I really just want to see him thrive, he’s so awesome despite his depression and anxiety 😢
Thank you for the comment and I am so glad you found it helpful. Sorry to hear that it has been a rough go lately. Some couples find this other conversation between my husband and I to be helpful to watch. czcams.com/video/iYnnfbNNEL0/video.html
Thank you for your words. I have been with my spouse for 28 years and we finally learned of his depression and anxiety about 5 years ago. It seems that his meds are NOT working and we are working on getting them adjusted. The difference this time is that I am feeling empty and done! Listening to you is spot on and it is a good reminder for me that I am not alone.
The funny thing is we went to our therapist for couples counseling and he is the one getting treatment and a new diagnosis. Ding Ding Ding- ADD. I really need counseling right now and I will work on that tomorrow. I don't have too much resentment but I do want to be human sometimes and like you said, "I am the rock" and need to find support through friends, family and therapy.
Thank you so much. I am energized and feeling very hopeful!
Marie Beaver you are wonderful. All your sacrifice matters!!!!!!
I am engaged and I realized that my fiancé is on anti depression drugs. He got so panic about the changes involving getting married. He broke the engagement but have been come back and forth again and again. I don’t know if I could handle this for my life but I love him. Any advices?
@@rubycheng4165 hey I wonder how you guys are doing right now? God bless you♡
Hi Ruby sometimes I don't see the sub questions in my feed, so sorry for the delay on your question. As it was a while ago, any changes to report?
Your videos have been of so much help! I have been dating someone with depression for some months. The first time he showed his symptoms was after just a few weeks of dating. I took it personally the first time but he has sowlly explained me how he feels. He has been very open about it from the beginning. He is such a great man that I am really willing to work through those times together but living separete and in different cities makes it very difficult. Any advice? I do see a future with him, even with his illness, he's amazing!
My best advice: go get some counselling or therapy or coaching for yourself, it will help so much!
I salute your strength... 👏🏻
Thanks very much for the kind words!
Rarly I would comment on CZcams but your strength inspired me all the way for wherever you are to my heart. Here’s my story: a month ago my wife’s behavior has changed a lot . She’s no longer laughing and preoccupied all day. She picked fights over nothing and started acting just weird. She started accusations that I’m cheating and texting girls and connecting non existence pieces. I got really frustrated with her and I thought she just wanted divorce without taking the blame for it. She left the house a week ago and started pushing me further away from her saying she is really missing her 2 daughters(from another marriage) and she can’t stay with me anymore. I took a break and started back tracing all my steps and her actions and reactions. When I talked to a therapist and walked her through all story she obviously suggested that we both go to couples consoling before we make up our minds.
Luckily she agreed to go once and only once when I asked her . A few hours later she texted that she never wished to knew me and her life was much better without me !! She canceled the appointment and I had to convince her for hours !
I am simply heartbroken, I was blaming myself for everything until I watch your video. Thank you for being there for your family and thank you for sharing.
All I want for my wife is to be happy and never wanted anything less. I do not care anymore if we get divorced all I care about is if she’s not well to get the right help. I feel guilty for her daughters and I wish if there are anything more I can do .
Thank you again 🙏
Your husband is so lucky to have such a loving and understanding spouse like you. I wish my wife would have half the understanding and show half the kindness and acceptance you show. I know it's not easy for her.
As the husband in the equation, I agree. It took us a while to get to a better place of mutual understanding and it is still ongoing. But yeah, it's not easy on our wives (or on us, obviously). Some couples we know have watched this other video we did together and found some discussion prompts in it. Maybe your wife might be open to watching it with you and talking about it? czcams.com/video/iYnnfbNNEL0/video.html
Hi @@joshcanning. Thanks for your reply and suggestion. We haven't watched videos like this together, but I definitely sent her numerous videos like this (and maybe even this one ... I don't remember), gave her Matt Haig's book 'Reasons to stay alive' (I highly recommend it), and also wrote or spoke to her about it. Sadly, I am starting to feel that maybe this kind of support and empathy is not something she can give (also based on a similar thing said by her during a therapy session she once joined). She is more of a 'Is there a problem? OK, how do we, or I, fix it?', which is not what I need when I am down.
My therapist suggested that next time, when I am down and she asks me how I am or if I really need it, just to tell her that all I need is a hug or her to listen and not to try to fix me. We'll see how it goes :)
It took me a while to change my approach in this area as well. Sometimes we do what doesn't work for a while before we finally move on to what works a bit better. Glad you have a good counsellor to support you.
I love you and we love you both!
Michele Koupai you are most kind ❤️
Have you ever wrestled with depression and anxiety in a loved one? How do you find hope for yourself? What coping mechanisms have you learned? Please let me know, and be strong!
Kyra Waters it is very hard to feel like an emotional punching bag. A big thing I think we need to remember as supporters is that we really need support ourselves ❤️ I found when I started to see a counsellor it really changed things for me.
Lisa Canning
What do you do when your spouse refuses to talk to anyone or take medication?
Sorry for the delay, I missed this comment but this has not come up in our situation. I would say if your spouse doesn't believe the medication is serving its purpose then he should talk about that with his doctor and not just stop using it. Can you ask him to follow it as prescribed and reevaluate with his doctor when needed, as a commitment to the family?
Thank you so much 💚
E Burckhardt thank you for watching!
Thanks for your words,,,, My husband is suffering from depression and anxiety is so hard,,, I don't know how to help, sometimes he is just like mad, seems he doesn't want to be around me, no talk, he goes out for looong walks because he wants to be by himself and this hurts me ... but I love him and I am here looking for guidance and see a light... I will keep working on this , thanks
I know it’s hard ❤️ but you can do hard things.
Thank you so much... I just had a whole mental breakdown and I feel so bad for my fiance to see me like this. Ive been struggling with this depression
Evelyn Ramirez your love is bigger than mental illness ❤️❤️❤️
My wife has been suffering mental illness. The most difficult part is we are in a long distance relationship. Whenever she has anxiety attacks, it just kills me inside. It's really hard for both of us, especially her. Thank you for giving me at least a jumpstart to support her effectively.
Peejay Rivera I am so glad it was helpful ❤️ super important to remember to get support for you as well. You guys can do this!
Thank you for being open with us. You have a give me hope to continue on in my marriage. My husband is depressed and I have been doing everything wrong...now I have some key things to make my marriage work. Thank you again. You are so on point.
Lynettee Cordero you are wonderful, thank you so much for your comment. There is so much hope!!!!
Lynettee Cordero god bless u this is good for someone to speak out
I'm not where you are, in dealing with a full blown episode. We have argued, and brought up past hurts. This makes matters so much worse~ I appreciate your calm voice and good advice. You are speaking of resentment as I am typing this. I feel resentment too. We do drop off the map too. We are an older couple, no small children...we are retired. I find too much spare time on our hands makes for a future episode as well. Sometimes I feel like all the stars in the sky need to be perfectly aligned, and it takes not so much to shift everything out of whack. I do get mad at this illness.
I am so sorry for what you are going through. My husband has spoken about a workbook called Mind Over Mood. It has brought him clarity about what he and others who have different struggles have as thought patterns contributing to the problem. It might be worth getting a copy for you and your husband. Also, individual counselling for the person loving someone with mental illness can be a great support. You are not alone!
Thank you so very much!
You're so welcome!
Thank you so much...I have fallen into a depression due to my husband's prolonged PTSD/depression...and I feel like I'm adding to his depression...i love my husband and I don't want to leave, but his apathy, sexual disinterest, and lack emotional affection is breaking my heart. I'm going to seek therapy.
I'm very sorry for what you are going through. Good for you in doing what you can to get yourself support! It can be hard to take those first steps, but it is a crucial investment in yourself and your relationship. Remember that our situations can and do change and that there is always hope.
@@ThePossibilityMom Thank you so much for those encouraging words😊
I suffer from depression. You are giving me hope that I can be loved again one day. Thank you!
Lorena Wieshamm there is always hope and you are so deserving of love
God bless you you're amazing in a great support to your husband
Perseverance thank you so much ❤️
I needed this. I have been married for 19 years and knew my husband suffered depression before we were married. I didn’t understand the impact of this. Our first child was born with talipes, then we had twins when he was 20 months. We had 2 miscarriages in amongst this. Then my son was diagnosed with adhd/autism/odd… my husband has been an emergency nurse for 15 years. He was burnt out, so we moved dar away from everyone we knew when I took a teaching position in Alice Springs. He has been unemployed for 6 months and bedridden with depression. With covid, losing our dog when we got here and a teenager with special needs, it has put more pressure on us than I have ever known. He has told me daily he wants to die, while I try and juggle it all. Today I told him to leave and get it over with. He won’t. He has gone camping and is taking time out and I told him I love him. But I need help managing how I react. I will keep watching xxx
Thank you
You are so welcome.
Thanks for this video!! Was really helpful🙏🏻🙏🏻
In my case my partner is tired of support me through my difficult time woth anxiety and panick attacks.😔😔😢
You are so welcome. I am glad it helped!
Good luck to you on overcoming the anxiety and panic ❤️
Hi Lisa, please can I share my thanks for this video. As the spouse of someone who is depressed I am at my wits end and I really appreciate your views. I feel I haven’t got any support and found comfort in knowing I’m not the only one who has gone through this.
sunnnnnyday you are not alone ❤️
Lisa Canning thank you. You’re an inspiration
sunnnnnyday you are so welcome
Thank you for this video, Lisa! I admire you for this. It is very helpful. My partner just broke up with me & moved out of the house and I believe it’s because I wasn’t handling it right. I’m really new in all this. I new regular date nights were essential but how do you get him to go or plan them? I just want to make it right and I’d do anything. Please give me advice. Thank you & God bless!
JI Teus I am so sorry for the pain this is causing you. You clearly care about your partner a lot. The best advice I can give you is to remind them that you care for them, and remind them of how you see them- as wonderful, and worthy of love.
I appreciate and admire you alot 🥰 how strong you are how much wisdom you had in management,but for me it's too much I just can't handle it I tried hard I just wanted to be like you but facing with financial problem is too much, I am feeling numb I am not myself anymore somebody else is in me I am lost, I don't know what to do next
I hope that things have improved for you guys. Hang in there and don't give up hope.
Thank you! How did you manage with the meds and if your husband was not trusting the process and wanted to change meds every other day because there was no improvement? I struggle with that the most cause I want him to respect what the doctor say but he doesn’t have the patience and I get angry because I am scared of him mixing up things
Hi Mommy Lisa, so glad I found your channel. My live in partner has anxiety and panic attacks too. We've been together for 10 years and we have 6 year old daughter. He had this anxiety when I got pregnant until my baby came out. But then last 2018, his anxiety comes back until now. Its been rough, so hard for me. Patience and understand for him is there, thats not a big deal for me because I'm his partner and that is my responsibility, right? You said on the video that I should take the help, but on my side I can't, I want it but I cant. My partner dont want somebody else will acknowledge about his mental illness, even his family and close friends. He just wanted me and his self to know whats going on, so in my part, its really hard for me. Because there are times that Im having a hard time dealing with him because he complains a lot, even in small things. I wanted to talk to my friends or want to go out just to stressed out everything but he dont want it, how can I help my self? All I can do is to cry alone, cry in the shower, cry at night or even when Im cleaning, I just cried! If he let me go out, he always want to know what time I should come home or should come home early. And I think I have depression because I dont have someone can to talk to. I tried to open up to him about my feelings, but then when Im starting to talk, he just walked out or not interested. He is very denial, he dont want to point out what his fault. I feel like I dont have the right to complain, dont have the right to be stressed or tired, the feeling unappreciated and sometimes unhappy. PLEASE NOTICED ME. thank you and godbless
Sorry for the delay in reply and for the incredibly difficult time you are going through. If he doesn't want anyone to acknowledge his mental illness, you can at least get support for your mental health through counselling. You are clearly carrying a heavy burden and you have a right to seek support. You deserve it. Has there been any progress since you commented?
Hi! He had psychologist and weve been in couple counsiling for its the part of his process. But then, this august I suddenly felt weird on myself. I just woke up very very tired on our situation. And a feeling falling out of love? Is that possible? We talked, I opened everything, my depression is there, its a heavy feeling. I wanted some space just to have time for myself, cause I feel I forgot my self care bc of him? But he dont want space, he said he gonna help me through this but, I think I dont need it, I really want space. So, I gave atleast chance, maybe it will work. I tried Miss Lisa, I TRIED! But until now, I dont feel the spark, like I dont him around me, I just want my self, I want SELF HEALING all by myself. I have guilt also, bc I know as a partner I should give him sex, but I cant force myself😔 I have guilt bc I cant do what my responsibilities as a livein partner. I dont know, I just cant. I want cut the tie, I want to separate. But how? Is it selfish if I want time for myself? If I want to take care myself now? 😢
I want to grow, do the things that makes my happy. I want to work abroad for the future but he dont want it, his reason? He is afraid I can find another guy, mygod. I think its selfish. Almost the things that makes me happy, he wont support it. Is that right?
I dont have the happiness Miss Lisa. Literally. I am a happy and outgoing person, but when his anxiety came back, it all disappear. It will always be him,. We dont have 3rd party problem though in 10yrs, and he dont hurt me physically. But I think Im very hurt mentally and spiritually😔
@@mariagraxia4077 That's a toxic relationship in a nutshell, too controling, too gaslighting, too depending, and anxious attachement.
you are important too, you deserve to be happy, you deserve a functioning spouse, when you have kids, they deserve to have a father they can rely on and be there for them.
It's inspiring when relationships and depression work, but it needs BOTH people to agree on walking the path of healing and therapy.
but if yours doesn't, it's okay at the end of the day to choose ones self❤
Depression is not the only mental illness out there. There are others such psychosis, zchizophrenia, etc... and these can be really dangerous as people are paranoid and have fixed thoughts which can be very dangerous to live with. I hope there was hope but in some cases there is really no hope as its uncertain what the spouse may do in their mental health crisis. I am so happy u were able to manage well and wish u all the best.
Yes- everyone's situation is different and everything definitely needs to be put through a filter of safety and consulting a medical health professional is essential.
Thank you for this. I want to support my wife through all this. We been together 17 years and she has anxiety and i want to be there and understand it alot more. I want to be next to her through all this but i believe she feels she wants to do this alone. I dont know what to do. I asked her if she needs me to be in my own place seperated from her in another apartment and she says yes. ☹️
Husband from the story here. I can't speak for everyone who has anxiety obviously, but I don't think we get through this thing on our own. Space can be fine for a short time, but if you want to get through this with your relationship in tact I wouldn't think separation is an option. Let her know that you are with her for the long haul and that you would rather be with her with her mental illness than apart. Let her know that you will drive her to her counselling appointments, talk things through with her when it's bad, whatever. But let her know that separation is not a word in your vocabulary.
This video really helped me understand what my boyfriend is going thru, we’ve been together 2 years and it just started happening and him actually saying but he has history of it. He recently broke up with me because he feels like he’s causing me more headaches and not making me happy he says he loves me but wants me to be happy and doesn’t want me dealing with extra stuff he brings to the table🥺 but I don’t mind it I know he is a good man and just need someone to be there to comfort him and Im willing to do this like I have been just didn’t know really what to say because I had to watch videos and see what’s going thru his head 😔 I want my baby back I will do anything to help him 🥺 Please help me give me advice 😔
Boss LadyP oh friend I so understand. I would say the best advice is to try and remind him that you love him and would choose him regardless of the challenges that mental illness brings up. Try to remind him who he is, why you fell in love in the first place, and how everyone else sees him. Sending YOU lots of love too
I can relate. I’m in the same situation. Just wondering how things are going now and how you handled things.
Hi Tina, not sure if your question was for Boss LadyP or for me, but we are doing well, continuing to journey and find hope when it is not always easy. We did a recent video on the topic here: czcams.com/video/CfwpDTF-h_Y/video.html
I was chef it actually drove me insane cooking for a lot of people and not helping myself and putting myself first
Who?
Lisa, thank you for your videos. My husband's major Depression/anxiety has slammed us in the face out of nowhere. What do I do since he doesn't want to do therapy? He needs it desperately, but is refusing.
Ive been married for 4 years. I noticed the clinical symptoms of depression from the beginning. We have no sexual intimacy. Refuses therapy or clinical treatment. I'm ready to end this. Do any feel like there is hope anymore. I tried. I hope your husband decides to seek help. Depression has damaged our relationship, there is much to be repaired even if he decides to seek treatment at this point. Wishing u the best.
This has really helped. My wife has a lot of anxiety and it’s been very hard. We get into arguments daily. I try to take the pressure off by really helping with the kids daily chores and much more. She points the finger at me constantly and tells me I’m doing those things wrong, even the smallest thing like wiping the counters down after I do the dishes she will yell at me in front of the kids because I didn’t do it right. Then we get into a fight because I didn’t like how she would react. Do you have any recommendations on how to handle that situation? I say I’m sorry but it isn’t good enough for her. It’s really hard. 🙏🏼 Thanks.
Louis hi there! Thanks for your message and I am so glad you found this helpful. This is tough and I can definitely empathize. What I would recommend you remember is that this is not about your behaviour, but a trigger that is happening in your wife at that moment. I think my husband and I will do a video on this together so you can hear both our perspectives- but bottom line, any conflict in marriage, regardless if it is impacted by mental illness or not, we can choose how to respond and we can do our best to respond with love and grace.
Lisa Canning definitely! I have been trying to respond that way with love and it isn’t easy for sure but I pray about it and to be mindful of my response. Thank you for your response it helps me more than you know.
Hi Louis, we did a recent video that touches on some of the topics you raised here, depression and parenting. Hope you guys are doing well: czcams.com/video/CfwpDTF-h_Y/video.html
that's one of the biggest reasons I want to live in Canada now, we need so much help, I'm really desperate
Rossina C I am so sorry it is feeling hard right now. Where do you live?
thank you @@ThePossibilityMom i'm from Uruguay, and we have been dreaming to live in Canada for some years. I feel very identified with what you say
What to do if one is unable to spend Quality time with each other.....? How can this be tackled?
Wow this is amazing. I’m also supporting my husband who is struggling with anxiety and depression. I’m at the point where you were as far as thinking there is no hope. My husband is aware of the issue but hasn’t really done much to help himself. He wants to get better by a not taking medication but I honestly believe he needs it. He will not take any initiative when it comes to working on himself, it’s like he is a rut and he prefers to stay there rather than working hard towards making a change. Our marital life is non existent and had tremendously affected our intimate life where it’s non existent. For years I’ve been supporting him and have put my needs aside and now I’m just at the point where I resent him so much because I’m constantly asked to put him first and forget about my own needs. Meanwhile, time is passing and I don’t see any improvements :( I even feel guilty saying this because he really is struggling, but It’s so hard for me to understand what he is going through when he is aware of it but does nothing to improve. How long do you stick around when someone just doesn’t want to help themselves and is now taking a huge toll on my own well being? When do you say “enough is enough”?
Wow I’m not sure if you were meant to respond, but just a like after I wrote all of this is kinda disappointing
Melissa Trevino :-( I feel you!
@@marial.torres5024 husband here, and I'm sorry for what you are going through. We don't have all the answers, we're just trying to do our best each day and contribute to a conversation about living with mental illness.
@Melissa Ponzopena I hope things have improved in the last few months. Without talking about it, it's hard to get to the heart of it and start healing. I don't know if he'd be open to watching a video of us talking about it and maybe discuss? czcams.com/video/iYnnfbNNEL0/video.html
Maria L. Torres hi Maria, I definitely meant to respond, apologies for my late response! My personal beliefs are to not give up and the vows I made on my wedding day I am going to keep. What experience has shown me, is that through lifestyle design, medication and good doctors / counsellors / psychologists for us both- there is a way to live with mental illness and thrive. It is not an easy road by any means, but I embrace it because I love my husband and refuse to let the illness define us. I hope this is helpful insight- how are things today?
By affirming to your husband that he is great, you are letting your Anxiety win. Feeling guilty and letting Anxiety eat you up like that, then act out on it, is letting it win. You need to have the talk once to know you are not a burden, then try to move on. After that, doing more is just feeding Anxiety. 😊🍀
How would you handle a girlfriend/boyfriend . I the girlfriend have depression but he has his own children in his home. I have older teen children in my home and our relationship has gotten lass and less alone time. And more of us being in separate homes. I am feeling extremely lonely and overwhloving life alone. as well as depressed. But there doesn't seem to be a solution given I can'thandle the chaos or noise or clutter of two younger children etc. There seems no way to be able to make any living changes in the very near future .I'm wondering if it would be better to end the relationship to work through this. I don't know what else to do. I'm very sad
I'm currently in the middle of a decision to stay or go, end my marriage or hang on, and we started off just as any others but one of us has been slipping into seclusion away from what we had. It has left me alone and feeling ripped apart and I wish I could reverse it.
Im losing my partner and my love but I cant force them to come back to reality so what can I do? I chose to separate and have minimal contact but because I didnt want to make a hasty choice. As it stands right now I really want things to return to normal, but I am not sure if they ever were in the first place in light of this.
Im leaning towards remaining separated but separation often leads to divorce.
Maybe I should just end it now?
Hy Dyn, this is the husband in the story. First off, I am so sorry for your suffering. I know it must be incredibly difficult and painful. My hope would be that you are able to find strength to explore every possibility for salvaging your marriage through investing in communication. If he or she (not sure if you are the wife or husband) is open to talking about things, learning to communicate more about it, learning to work together to tackle it, then there is a lot of reason to hope for better times ahead. As a starting point I wonder if you could share this other video we did together with them and ask for their feedback on it. Does any of it resonate? Can they identify with it? Does it offer any sense of hope? etc. I hope that it can open up some conversation. For me, hearing other men talk about their depression was a really big help. Maybe it will be for your spouse as well. I will say a prayer for you guys. czcams.com/video/iYnnfbNNEL0/video.html
Thank you very much for your videos. I am struggling loving someone who has depression. At first i couldn't help myself not being close and offering help until he bluntly asked me to stay away and has called our relationship off. I know this is not the person i love who took this decision, it's his illness, but i am struggling to find the suitable ways to support him, since he shut me off everytime i try to show him my love. I need help. Tell me if i can connect directly with you even for 10 mins
Dm me on Instagram @lisacanning :)
Thank you for all the tips, I am going thur anxiety, I am giving my wife a hard time lately. I haven’t been seen by a doctor yet, I am sure planning on it. I feel like my wife and I will separate eventually.... I feel overwhelmed, sad, hurt...I was mentally, physically abused in my past relationship.
Hi there. Getting past the resistance and seeing a doctor is very important. Don't assume the relationship will end based on how you're feeling right now. Talking about it and getting some help can make a world of difference. What happened in your last relationship doesn't have the final say in what happens in this one. Hang in there and keep hope as you take the next right step forward.
Lisa Canning thank you for the response, I am trying to talk, speak up. I try to continue to laugh and be there for my wife as much I can. I am currently trying to seek a therapist as well. Sometimes I do feel like nothing and other day top of the world. I know it’s just me, nobody else doing to me at all.
Thank you and please continue great videos like these.
Thank you, we will, and glad to hear that you are taking steps! This is a book my husband reads as a way of continually doing work on his thoughts. Give it a try, it has a lot of helpful self reflection exercises and can be a great compliment to therapy. www.amazon.com/Mind-Over-Mood-Second-Changing/dp/1462520421/ref=sr_1_1?crid=27PT1R4CZQ1J9&keywords=mind+over+mood+second+edition&qid=1580580072&sprefix=mind+over+m%2Caps%2C194&sr=8-1
Married for 25 years. Wife has suffered with anxiety most of that time. My wife is a controller personality also, possibly to control the situation to make it less anxious. She refuses to tell our 18 or 10 yrs old about. They don't understand why mom has issues with loud boy behavior. It has gotten worse as she aged, but she doesn't think she needs professional help. Orginally put on Zoloft back in the day by her OBGYN. I need help and don't know where to turn or what to do. Advice please.
I'm sorry to hear about that, it must be very hard. I have found that getting counselling for myself as the supporter of a spouse with anxiety and depression has brought a sense of control, even though I can only control my reaction to the situation. Unfortunately you can't make her get help, but you can get your own support and talk to your sons about mental health in general.
How can I get my wife to understand this
I just don't understand it. I never will. I have depression, but mine is different to my now ex's. I guess it really is a wide spectrum isn't it? The man I love has depression that really distorts his thinking, makes him absolutely joyless, almost lifeless. I just couldn't keep doing it. I showed him so many amazing things, did lovely things for him, took him to great places, and he always had the same response - no energy, bored, as if he's seen it all a million times over. How can one NOT take that personally? He wants to believe all these HORRIBLE things about me, as if I'm one of his abusers, and it was just crushing me. Good job I'm really solid in who I am, and know I have a kind heart, otherwise he would have really messed with me deeply. He left me, stating that he just couldn't make me happy, but yet blames me for everything that went wrong in the relationship. He has so many distortions, it's like he doesn't see reality for what it really is. It's like he never understood me. Which is weird, because for so long, it really felt he did! Was he just faking it all? Or is the nature of this disease one where it just really takes over the person and warps their thinking? It's so hard to know what is him, what's his illness, and what's conscious button-pushing. This is so painful because I love him so deeply, but I just can't be this person. I can't do it again, both my parents and my four brothers all have depression, and I left that life behind to find something better, not more of the same :(
Oh my word...I hope you in a better space now🥺💖
@@KoketsoHolly Hey, thank you for your concern. I am doing better. We did start talking again a little bit, only for him to continue being cruel, and then told me he's seeing someone and blocked me. Pure devastation. I am doing well bit by bit to move on, and I'm feeling more like me again. He really hurt me a lot. He took so much of my energy and time. I'm really glad it's over. I will miss the sweetness in him and his heart/soul, but it's buried underneath layers of dysfunction and trauma, and no one should have to live with that... I admire Lisa a lot.
Hi, this video has been very helpful. Did your husband ever say he wanted to leave you when he was at his worse? My husband has anxiety and depression and blames me for feeling like this and wants to end the marriage but on the other hand he says he is a burden on me and feels it’s best we get a divorce. I’m trying to give him support but has been so cruel to me.
Sara Dadi I am so sorry for this. This is so, so, difficult. My husband has definitely expressed that he has felt like his depression is a burden- and I see it as part as my role as his partner to remind him this is not the case. I would say try to remind him how much you love him and that depression does not define him / your marriage. And remember you can get support too- there are a lot of phone in counselling support lines you can call for support. Sending you lots of love
Thanks for replying. I try to show my husband love and support but he throws it back at face. There is only so much I can take. He started therapy but gave that up after realising it wasn’t helping. To be honest it wasn’t. The doctors have given him any medication either. He keeps me in limbo since he wants to get a divorce but doesn’t act on it. His mood swings don’t help either. Sometimes I wonder whether I should start divorce proceedings or give him more time. We have been struggling with since September last year. I’m at a loss . I live in the UK so need to see what support is out there for me.
Sorry meant to say doctors didn’t prescribe him medication. To them he seemed ok not serious enough well as the therapist he was seeing thought he should be on medication. Here in the UK you can only be prescribed medication through a doctor not a therapist.
Sara Dadi have you thought about going to counseling or therapy yourself?
Lisa Canning I have considered going to therapy it but is there any point? It’s not going to make difference on how he is being.
I asked if we can get marriage counselling or couples therapy he isn’t open to either of them.
Unfortunately my wife has delt with crippling anxiety for the past 10 years and continues to face it. It’s difficult because I’m the only one trying to help her heal while the rest of the people around us mocks her for her fears or turns the conversation to be about themselves. I would give anything to help her heal and get rid of the toxic people in her life
That sounds like an incredibly difficult situation for her (and you) to be in. If you can keep having the conversation as a couple, maybe that is a step toward reducing time with the wrong people in her life.
@@ThePossibilityMom thanks for responding. I really appreciate it. We are currently looking into getting a dog as an emotional support animal that we can eventually train as a service dog to help her feel better staying home when I’m gone at work.
Where is the help found. I'm in the midst of this right now and we're really struggling. Life is looking way different than I expected and we've been dealing with his health for a long time. I need resources please
Sarah sorry for the delay. I don't know where you live, but if you googled "mental health support" in your area you could start there. Also, speak to your family doctor about it as they would know local support resources and help provide direction. There are also general support lines you can call when you feel desperate and just need to talk to someone. Does this help?
Im so stress because of my alcoholic partner 😭 i dont know what to do
I wish i found this video earlier:/ my boyfriend just ended things because he couldn't hold a relationship with his depression any longer. I know i tried everything and it's not my fault, but i would have stayed through it all. I am struggling to try get over him because of the hope i have that he will soon come back to me, but also that he could just move on without me. Anyone else been through this and have any recommendations if i should reach out at any point to see how he is or just try let it go?:/
Very sorry to hear about this difficult time you are going through. I hope that clarity comes soon. Best wishes and prayers.
I wish u would stop saying u can live with mental illness and be happy. I have had depression for 30 something yrs and anxiety for 10 yrs. I am in bed most of the day. I have tried dozens of meds and nothing works. I have been diagnosed with different things from different Drs so I dont even know what I am. I have been evaluated and my prognosis is poor. I am resistant to meds. I am going to try TMS and if that doesn’t work I will try ECT. as a last ditch attempt. Not everyone gets better., I also see a phycologist which doesn’t really help. I wish my husband was like you with me, we hardly have anything holding us together, that’s partly why I’m so sad. Councelling doesn’t help, he doesn’t want to put any effort into us or me. I’m too sick too be alone I hate being alone and I’m too poor to leave and be on my own. Anyway all prayers appreciated if anyone is so inclined. I’m almost out of hope , but I am Christian and believe in Gods power, I hope one day he heals me🙏
Know matter what i do to help my girl friend with her depression im always wrong. It has gotten to the point that it is making me miserable. There are times i wounder if she is cheating on me. She really makes me feel worthless. Her depression seems to be putting me in a dark place. We don't kiss have sex. We really don't do much together. Not that i don't try to, she just wants to stay locked up in the room. The only reason i stay is our little girl. I know that people will say thats not a good reason to stay but they don't walk my path
Ryan Buchner I am so sorry for this trial Ryan but I promise there is always hope
I’m going through the same thing with my husband. We have been married for 6 years with a 3 year old son. I struggle with Lupus and have no support with my family. This depression is tearing us apart. How am I supposed to be happy in all of this when I have no one to lean on? He doesn’t kiss me, no sex, he hoards, and withdraws and doesn’t interact with his son. This is hard and I want out.
@@meganphillips7150 have you told him that you want out? You have to make a stand. Going on day to day thinking things are going to change wont change anything. I know it's hard but make a stand! Stand up for yourself and your son, stand up for both of your happiness.
Ryan Buchner I am today because this is really making my life Hell. I used to be so happy and no miserable. Starting today I will no longer go through these depressive cycles. I deserve to be happy! Thanks for your support. It stops today, I do not have the energy to keep encouraging and dealing with this depression. I’m tired and it’s making me sick literally. I’m feeling good. Thank you
@@meganphillips7150 I nearly let it get the better of me. It's hard! I thought about cheating killing myself the hole 9 yards. I just didn't want to that person. But I want you to know that it will be hard, you need to prepare yourself mentally for it and know that even with preparation it will still be hard. Work on you first. Find a church. I know to some it may sound lame, but if you haven't tried what do you have to lose. Surrender yourself to something bigger than yourself and accept whatever the outcome may be
My husband has recently been diagnosed with depression and anxiety, caused mostly by his work. He has made a decision not to go back. 1, Financially this is going to flatten us. 2, I already have to cope with a son who has cancer and my daughter has revealed that she too is seeing a doctor for anxiety. I have no idea how I am going to cope. Right now, I am just so angry.
KAPLYN I am so so sorry for what you are going through, it sounds very stressful. What is one thing you could do to get some relief in the immediate future?
Hi Lisa, I’ve been watching your videos and my current relationship is long distance and he’s depressed and doesn’t want to get help and I’ve tried everything. I don’t know what to do. Should I give him space or should I cling on to him? He says he believes nothing is ever gonna change, I’m never meant to be happy. What am I supposed to do as a significant other to help support someone who’s depressed and super negative?
Hi Diana, very sorry to hear what you are going through. It is a difficult walk even when your partner wants to get help. If he is unwilling to do so, perhaps space is a good idea. Someone has to choose to take steps to get better. There is another video we did where we speak about it together, maybe share it with him and ask for his thoughts? At the very least it may help him understand what you are feeling as the person loving a depressed person. czcams.com/video/iYnnfbNNEL0/video.html
Thank you so much Lisa, I’ve been binge watching your videos with josh for the last four hours so I’ve watched very intently and wrote down notes on what I should do or say. So I thank you so much, learning through joshs point of view and yours has helped me understand more what might be going through my boyfriends head. I think I’m gonna just text him how I feel tell him that he is loved and that I continue to choose him no matter what like the quote you mentioned in one of your videos “I choose you, I choose you In a hundred worlds lifetimes, I always choose you” somewhere along those lines. But do you think if I just text him how I feel tellling him about how I’m there for him and how much worth he has and then give him the space he needs to think and respond about it sill be a good idea? Do you think anything i say will get through him even in the state of mind that he is in? I continue to be so strong and have hope every day but I just want to know if it’ll ever get better.
No matter what I’ve said or done, he still says he’s not “stable enough or fit” to be in a relationship and wants a break from me and said “I’ll talk to you whenever I’m ready, goodbye Diana.” What do I say or do? I don’t want him to leave but I don’t know what the right thing is to do.
He texted me back saying “why do you always leave me when I need you the most?” And I texted him telling him how much it hurts and that I care for him and still love him and now he’s calling me like he’s so bipolar and doesn’t want to go to therapy either, and I don’t know how much longer I can take this.
I wish I could add something to my previous comment, but I don't think you can force him to get help. He has to show commitment to that if you are to build a life with him.
Mind doesn’t feel like he is a burden. He thinks we are a burden. What is that?
StubbornMomDotCom I am so sorry. Depression and anxiety can sometimes really alter a person’s perception of how things really are.
I found this, wanting to get to know what you're "about", because I've been considering giving thought to a workshop that you'll be involved in, near the end of March -- Dynamic Women of Faith. While you probably wanted to do this clip for a broad spectrum of viewers, who may not be faith-based, I really did hope to see how your faith in God would carry you through this particular struggle -- because it CAN be HUGE ... PIVOTAL, in fact. And I didn't see anything particularly faith-based here, nor in the blurb about your input for March. What is/will be your take, for that day?
Hi there and thanks so much for watching, and for your comment. This is definitely something I want to address in a future CZcams video as I agree, it is truly pivotal. In fact, my faith in God and giving Him dominion over all aspects of my life is central to how I live and make decisions! In my Dynamic Women of Faith workshop coming up on March 24, I will definitely be addressing why it is essential to involve God in your plans. Let me know if you have any other thoughts or questions! I so appreciate you stopping by my little corner of the internet!
Well, I guess I have one more, regarding March 24, but I wonder if this is the place for it. This really should be a string about the video... I'll see if you have some other venue... Thanks for this, though! much more encouraging. :)
Feel free to send me a DM on instagram, my handle is @lisacanning . Would be happy to chat further!
I'm not on instagram, but I found your contact form on your website. Look for my question there. Thanks again!
Perfect : )
How much crap ( verbal abuse) do you take and what do you say to stop them?
My boyfriend and I have been together for a year and just recently today he’s been diagnosed with severe anxiety and mild depression, I’m abit lost on what to do and what to say and he hasn’t been himself lately
Cheyna mudford my best advice is to help him remember who he really is ❤️and there is always hope
I've heard a lot of stories about CBD oil being helpful for depression and anxiety. I personally find that it's helpful for calming my own mind and for focus. Something to consider and ask if your husband is willing to try it out.
Supertzar999 so interesting! I have heard this too!
@@ThePossibilityMom I want to offer some to my girlfriend. I'm aware of her depression and anxiety but hesitate to bring it up.
@@tamarasnook5823 Thanks for the reply. I had to go back over a year to remember what I was posting about. We actually split up but are talking again now. Prior to that, I offered her CBD and she said it made her relax a bit. I think she may be bipolar or have borderline personality disorder. Not 100% sure but love her still.
My wife is going through what seems to be exactly what your husband's going through and Its at the point were it's starting to effect our relationship. We have 3 kids and it almost seems like she's mentally checked out. I'm At a point were I don't know what to do
Get her to a Phyciatrist get some councelling and give her space and do what she cant do and keep telling urself and her ur not giving up on her.
@@abutterfly7975 we haven't had a very good year the house we had was sold out from under us it was the inlaws place so we knew it was coming. Moved to the house they bought and all 5 of us were living in like a 10x12 room. Lasted about a week and her mom seem to be agetated at everything (she has bad ocd) and said she doesn't think she can can live with us any more so we're in a trailer now. It's pretty miserable. My wife says she's not happy and doesn't know how to be happy she say she might want a divorce/ time apart and says she doesn't even know if that will make happy. This year has really taken a toll on us and I appreciate your reply even though the video is old...sorry for blowing up your page.
@@dkilla48 hey man, husband here, sounds like really rough transition period and I'm sorry to hear about it. It has been a rough year, so any challenges feel amplified. I hope that things have stabilized a bit. But you are carrying a burden and I hope you have found some sources of relief and hope in the midst of it. We have to choose to keep hope when we don't feel hope. I say this as a person who sometimes feels no hope at all. One day at a time though, choosing to smile at the kids and find things to laugh about. But do let us know if things have changed at all and I will say a prayer for you guys now.
Not to be mean, but when you said IF you are a woman, then it’s assumed you are doing extra work that is around the house, that is sexist. Men do work around the home as well. Men deal with spouses who are having issues, and the men have to clean as well. Men have to do that extra work as well. It’s an old school thought, but a bit sexist to assume only women are doing house work. Just something you should think about.