True or False: You Can't Love Someone Until You Learn to Love Yourself
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- čas přidán 6. 09. 2024
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Self-love is something non-traumatized people see as missing (sometimes) in those of us with CPTSD. When we're hurt, we're advised to learn to love ourselves... but HOW? There were times when I didn’t particularly love myself - and here and there when I was younger, times when I hated myself. But there was never a time when I didn’t love other people very deeply. So why do people say this -- that you can’t love someone else until you love yourself?
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I am SO GLAD someone finally said this 🙄🙏🏾!! People say this all the time & I'm like, simply telling myself to love myself when I'm feeling totally unloved by God & every other human on Earth always felt so disingenuous. Just like "something from nothing leaves nothing," trying to pull love from an absence of love leaves you loveless. Like you said, if loving oneself was as simple as willing the feeling into existence, there wouldn't be the need for everyone to tell everyone else to do it --- it would be a problem or needed to be said. And if you're feeling unloved by everyone else, that's the main reason you (well I do) to thinking it must be true that I'm unlovable cuz if all these people I want 2 love 💕 me don't love me & I'M the only common denominator in all of my relationships, then there must be an intrinsic reason within me that makes me unlovable. I'm not saying self-love isn't true, but when you have no blueprint for it, it definitely takes more than willing it into being. It's the same unhelpful advice of "Just think positive," or "Be thankful; some people have it worse than you" that people like to give severely depressed or suicidal people.
@@UknowBo22 Well, at least you got 1 thing over me --- a job you love. My job, home life, love life (non-existent), financial situation all sucks. But the 1 thing that puts it ALL in perspective is to remember that "someone has it worse than me" 😆. But, seriously 😒 . . . these last 5 yrs I have just REALLY drawn up into myself more than usual. Of my only 2 ✌🏾friends --- one is out of state & we've never even met in person. We just met on CZcams & have been talking on the phone for 2yrs. The other I've known for about 15yrs & I might have seen him 5 times in the last 5yrs. & he's only an hour away, go figure 🙄. But I've known him longer than the other 1 by a Longshot & it's like we barely have anything to talk about the more time goes on. But our relationship has always been strained cuz we are just VERY different in our ideologies. So I literally have NO ONE I hang out with. I really don't mind it. It's just the other stuff I mentioned about my finances, relationship with my parents, lack of connection with God, & having no one who TRULY understands what I'm going through that I can talk to about this stuff that gets me down. But people who walk the "narrow way" typically have a lonely life, so 🤷🏾♂️ . . . .
@Katherine V Sorry 2 just be replying but for sone reason I didn't see the notification for your comment til just now. For some reason it seems like YT doesn't push certain notifications through & I just have to "stumble" upon them. But I know exactly 💯 how you feel. I have to catch myself everytime I get frustrated & want to say "I can't imagine how things could get any worse 🤦🏾♂️!!" cuz then it seems like the Universe 🌌 feels "obligated to show me just HOW much worse they CAN become! Even though I've always been a very empathetic & spiritual person, I have @ the same time always felt completely divorced of God. I constantly wonder how people who know God exist but aren't seeking him, or how even ATHEIST who don't even believe in God can out-of- nowhere have life-altering spiritual awakenings, YET I --- who have sought after God my entire life in some way or another --- can't get God to tell me pair of shoes to wear today, while he takes the atheist on an out-of-body experience & gives them the answer to EVERY question they ever asked in life. It has even gotten to the point where I started questioning whether or not I'm a real human; as in questioning whether or not I'm a clone! I know it may sound far-fetched depending on whether or not you believe in that topic but it WOULD explain why I feel no spiritual connection, i.e., the ✌🏾At Oneness✌🏾 many new age-y spiritual practicioners talk about. If I'm just a lab-grown, test tube baby 👶🏿, then even though I may have a soul/mind/reasoning ability, it would explain a lack of spirit --- that which can only come from the Creator breathing life into you.
I know my reasoning sounds extreme, but hey --- I'm adopted & never met any of my supposed biological family, so WHO knows where I REALLY come from 🤷🏾♂️. And I know clones are real, so . . . but when you're desperate for answers, you'll start considering a LOT of things you otherwise wouldn't deign 2 entertain.
I just know I feel utterly separates from everything & everyone. If I don't feel connected to my supposed Creator --- how can I expect to feel connected to any human. I hate that I was ever exposed to the "deeper things" of this world 🌎--- in terms of book 📚 smarts anyways. Cuz what's the point of knowing --- or feeling U know I should say--- something, but you're never provided the experience to validate the feeling beyond a shadow of a doubt. Now I just have MORE questions & even FEWER (meaning 0 👌🏾) answer than b4. U know . . . it's a sad shame when the ONLY thing I have to look forward to on life is death. Even then, who's to say there's any "peace" 2B found? Hope things get better 4U.
@Katherine V Given the only thing I know I know 4 sure is basically N🚫THING when compared to the totality of everything there is to know (limitless) in this world, it's not difficult for me to venture to say you're probably correct in most of what you said.
“For years mental health professionals taught people that they could be psychologically healthy without social support, that 'unless you love yourself, no one else will love you.'…The truth is, you cannot love yourself unless you have been loved & are loved." ~Bruce D. Perry MD PhD
Appreciate you bringing Bruce Perry to the convo :)
-Cara@TeamFairy
Wow!!
i agree but also remember when i was in my early 20s in a deep depression and if someone tried to show me love (my mom, my boyfriend, friends), i would just lash out, i would reject it with my whole being because my self-loathing was so intense… so i would say (just as fairy says) it starts with learning how to love other people. show up, care, listen. but when you're in a dark place it feels impossible. it's all so complicated. i'm now in my 30s and have done A LOT of healing and learn how to love, be loved, and love myself, but sadly i couldn't say how i did it. i guess it was just a long process of getting psychiatric help + self-reflection + being blessed with truly good people who stuck around to see me grow… ❤
Of Course.
So what hope is there for those who have not been loved ?
Nothing is more hurtful than telling someone, “You can’t love someone or find love until you love yourself.” It is cruel. How can you possibly give yourself something you have no concept of? I was a painfully and chronically lonely person who was so desperate for connection I would repeatedly enter abusive “situationships” because of childhood PTSD. This phrase always reinforced my sense of hopelessness.
I SO know what you mean. For people who (evidently) see from the outside that the self-love is missing, and imagine everyone can just switch it on -- I'm sure it's a well-intended comment. When people like you and me speak up and talk bout what it's really like, we help just a little to raise awareness. Someday...
Exactly! How can you give others what you didn't receive? This might be demotivating but also the path to healing. Next to our parents the only person who is capable of loving us unconditionally is ourselves. Love is nothing but trying to know yourself better. Being openly honest with yourself. That includes accepting even your so called negative thoughts and characteristics. And self-love is a journey. Don't expect yourself to reach there and then start a relationship. Begin the journey and educate yourself about healthy relationships. Also question yourself everytime you have a doubt about your actions, "will I talk to/act like this with my child?" This will let you have empathy on yourself.
My last therapist (sort of) specialized in trauma and he said that to me. Yeah, it's cruel, but most probably just say it as a platitude without thinking about someone else's feelings.
That stupid statement about loving yourself first just gave me one more reason to hate myself more. It's one of those statement people hear, adopt Self-love is not a light switch you turn on or off at will.
Holy fuck. This resonates with me.. how are you doing now?
Everynow and then i download tinder or badoo, to desperately look for a connection or sex, and when i do it takes all of my time for 1/2 weeks.. And i want the connection so fast.. And they sense that i want it fast.. And then i get triggered by them rejecting me, or even worse me SENSING a rejection.. And reacting awefully by using fear, or by “okay now can i say what i want i dont care anymore”
Now im atleast trying to let it flow natural, but its hard. Overthinking messages, or seeing everything as a rejection. Even messages “Im sleepy atm, i will respond” can feel as a rejection.
I always thought that the phrase meant that starting a relationship is riskier if you don't love yourself enough to have the right boundaries.
That's a good interpretation.
Yes, I think that is what is meant by it, but inasmuch as I've had it said to me, there's this assumption that I simply needed to be told. Like telling a person who is blind that they won't see until they start using their eyes. This is not a perfect analogy, since not all unsighted people have the possibility of regaining sight, and traumatized people CAN heal, but this analogy helps point why such comments feel hurtful and ignorant to someone who is doing absolutely everything they can to make the situation better.
I agree, I also think that a lack of self-love causes a lot of unneeded projection onto the other person from yourself and that is what causes a ton of problems/arguments. But yes, everyone deserves understanding and love, even if they have a lack of self-love and trauma that they are still working through. Shutting yourself away because you think you aren't ready or worthy to have love in your life just causes more harm. Love's a multi-faceted thing that expands to include everybody, and its a beautiful thing!
@@CrappyChildhoodFairy if someone is doing everything they can to make the situation better than they are loving themselves. It may not have cured the wound yet but it is the medicine. I’ve always interpreted the term as you must look inward. Real Peace will not come from the external. The love of another will not fix your loneliness if your wounded self believes they deserve or are destined to be alone. No matter how much you love them or they love you if you can’t look inward and love yourself true satisfaction will be hard to find and keep. You can love someone else but it won’t heal you like the love you find for yourself.
that was my 2nd interpretation too
My 1st was that it was airy-fairy namby-pamby bullshit. An impossible unrealistic sop for anyone, unless you WANT to be overbearing and arrogant narcissist XD
My first therapist planted the seed of self-acceptance for me by using my strong sense of compassion and love for other people. "Would any other person deserve to be spoken to and treated the way you're speaking to and treating yourself? Are all people deserving of compassion and understanding? Okay, so are you the one exception among all human beings?"
It really stopped the spiral of self-loathing I was in and gave me permission to treat myself well, even if I could only access self-love as an extension of compassion for humankind. Still working on consistently feeling love for myself in an embodied way.
Great suggestion!
-Cara@TeamFairy
I rearranged the old Golden Rule to a codependent's Golden Rule to read as follows: Do unto yourself as you would have yourself do unto others.
We do love ourselves deep down. That is why we are so hurt and angry when people treat us poorly because we know deep down that we deserve better. If I had a friend that didn't love themselves I would still love them. Actually heard someone saying that to somebody at the beach on Sunday about having to love yourself and I wanted to smack her!😂
You're right, we're hurt because we know we deserve better. Lovely point!
This comment is a perfect example of the community I was referring to - so good! Thank you Sherry F
@@CrappyChildhoodFairy But do you really believe that we love ourselves deep down? I don't, even if I'm aware that I deserve better.
🤣🤣🤣
@@CJ-xe2wi Loving yourself is not liking yourself
I just started dating. I've listened to the whole you can't love others until you love yourself thing. I could never see any good traits in myself. So, I've been alone and miserable my whole life. Since I've put myself out there, people have shown me that I have worth. I have good qualities. I believe that has done wonders to bring me out of my depression, and getting me outside of my co.fort zone. Which that zone is just hiding away alone. I might get hurt, but I feel like I'm doing more than existing now.
This is so wonderful. What about friends though? Is there something unique about romantic relationships that you feel the love of deep friendship cannot provide? (This question is motivated by curiosity and is not an attack or criticism in any way)
@@smileyface702 You see, I'm gay. Growing up in a rural Christian area, I've felt like I've had to hide who I am my whole life. Not that I even understand it myself until this last year. So it's beyond helpful, and validating to find someone who is not only accepting of it, but wants to love you because of it. It's really hard to put it into words the impact. It has had.
Same here, it's actually taking action, that's all ...and not about loving ourselves 💯... but to learn to love ourselves at our own pace trough connection
I love this post and the comments so far. Connection is an essential element to learn any kind of love. "Loving ourselves" -- as if it could be done all by ourselves in a vacuum -- sounds empty to me.
@@epicmage82 thanks for sharing. I'm also gay- and I grew up with a mother who was/is a bit fanatic about her religion. I know how hard that is and I wish you peace and healing.
There is SO much defensiveness in that “I need to love myself first”, so much need for control, so much rejection of magic and life as it unfolds, so much search for perfection! You hear all those new age tapes about wholeness and that fuels your ego into thinking you can give yourself the love others can’t give you - simply because you can’t love yourself unless you delude yourself into thinking you got superpowers. Sad.
I don't see how that's defensive?
yup, and that's narcissism in a nutshell. lots of narcs in the new age bs
@@sheilajac eh, but the point is, loads of mental health professionals spew this bs - and I marvel that they don’t realise how toxic it is. I mean, the need for being loved by ANOTHER person is about being loved by someone other than yourself. Certainly one needs both. But they are entirely different needs! Putting them in the same level means treating ourselves and the other people as interchangeable (as if the other is our extension!) - which is narcissistic indeed. How can a mental health professional not see this??
@Tracy Tracy, do you happen to be from Toronto? I am asking because A) your profile is new and B) I have been slandered and stalked and harassed by someone with that name for a long time C) the date you opened this new youtube account is significant to me, as it is someone's birthday that someone named tracy has impressed upon me is dead, after also slandering him (via the most toxic use of facebook possible, aka "dog whistling" - causing me extreme trauma and isolation, which seems to be something this person I am speaking of loves to do. Leave breadcrumbs and odd hints. Is this the same Tracy and if so, what kind of sick game are you playing? If it's not the same Tracy, who are you really and why are you commenting on a narcissism video with a profile bearing the name of a woman who has done immense harm to me and the birthdate of my ex, who a multitude of people involved in distributing black market cannabis have suggested since 2016 might be dead before I ever see him again?
@Tracy I replied but it's been deleted, strangely. Nothing offensive in it either. Oh well. Sorry if you're not the stalker/slanderer/abusive gaslighter (literal) witch I was referring to. She's one of many, hard to tell the flying monkeys from the instigator in any case. People can sure be stupid and gullible and mean-spirited. Ive lost 7 years of my life to those sorts. They stalk on youtube, facebook, and in real life. I've even been assaulted by proxy.
I remember telling my therapist that there was no one in this world who loved me. Not in an oh-poor-me attitude but just assessing the reality of my life. Her immediate response was "because it starts with you, you have to love yourself first." I got angry, I didn't say anything but I thought, well show me where the I-love-myself switch is and I will definitely flip it on.
I would have the same bloody reaction! Lol
I say that too. Emotions don’t have an on or off switch. Even at a biological standpoint. Probably one of those people that have this idea they are right and no consideration of you evokes anger.
People are too focused on Narcissism. Not actual disorders.
As an elderly male who has been dealing with CTPSD most of my life without really acknowledging it, this channel is a God send to me. We cannot change the past as much as we would like to at times, but we can move forward and grow from it from a position of love.
❤️💛💚❤️💛💚👍
Ah God bless you 🙏❤ me too
Same. I've really developed some serious coping skills from this channel. There's no other channel that's as direct as this one, and I never feel like I'm being pathologized.
I want a better life. I have some destructive patterns. This channels addresses those patterns directly.
It's wonderful
just knowing what was caused the bundle of cognition problems was a huge relief! this was a breakthrough for me at 67
@@David-uc4hc That's it. I never feel pathologized.
Even if we don't really like ourselves we can be compassionate with ourselves. That means accepting our pain and imperfection, giving ourselves some kindness and working the root cause of our pain. To me, that's the meaning of self-love.
I agree that this is the meaning. I admit though, that for a lot of my life I did not have compassion for myself, and could not have -- it sounded good but I just didn't have it.
❤❤🌟🌟🌟
Oh yeah! It's so hard to be compassionate torwards ourselves. I think what kickstarted that for me was believing in a compassionate God plus seeing compassion in the eyes of my friends.
On a side note: I love your channel! Greetings from Brazil ❤❤
Thank you for your kind words, certainly depressed people like me needs some of this....
@@Peanuts76 🌟🌟🌟❤❤❤❤🌻🌻🌻🌻 let's all try to be kind to ourselves today!!
Yes and amen to that!!! 💛💙💛👋👋
A few things that have helped me to move toward self-love in non-linear, trial-and-error ways are:
1. Noticing that I was speaking to myself like an enemy and trying to change that internal monologue into the encouragement I would give to a friend in order to propel them forward as opposed to keeping them trapped in shame.
2. Learning boundaries in a messy, hit-and-miss way over the course of seven years, and understanding that many people will take advantage and drain you dry unless YOU protect yourself and reroute the precious qualities you bring to the table back into your own cup.
3. Recognizing that there are certain things that are not my fault and certain things that ARE my responsibility, and taking the time to slowly and equally sort out which is which to avoid endlessly see-sawing back and forth between blameshifting and self-blame.
4. Understanding that being a human is a messy experience, we all make mistakes, and giving ourselves the time and grace to learn and heal is an essential part of self-love.
Good luck to all and thank you for your courage in desiring to walk this path so that we can work toward being better to ourselves and each other.
This is brilliant. You could make a video about THIS. I admire your insight!
@@CrappyChildhoodFairy Thank you, Anna. You've been a key guide on the road to these insights and I appreciate your work and willingness to put yourself out there very much. 🙏♥
@@80islandia love this distillation/synopsis. very helpful
@80islandia I love this and am experiencing a similar pattern. It's always reassuring when we realise that we are not alone--not "freaks," or broken--and that others share the same struggles. (Also, I loved that you used the word Grace. It's not used enough, and I see it as Humility's twin sister!)
It's probably more like: 'You shouldn't attempt to love someone until you love yourself, otherwise, you'll be too vulnerable to abuse from that loved one'. But, most people who love themselves only do so because they have been loved in childhood.
I have ALWAYS hated this little cliche and felt like it was garbage. Thank you for reinforcing what I always felt to be true.
False. Even as a kid I recognized that my parents did not give a hoot about any of us, but I still remember knowing that we still loved them. Biggest error is not having role models of what love even is, and after a while, not being sure that "love" is even something worth having.
I feel you
Oh so true!
I don't even know what all this BS is anymore. Seems like a lot of stories that people make up as they go along.
How? That sounds like Stockholm syndrome.
I can relate. To me love equals pain and uncertainty. It's dangerous. I start smoking again because of the anxiety. It could kill me. I'm better off alone except I need to get another dog. When my dog died it was worse than breaking up
To me it seems when we do basic stuff like get good sleep, decent food, and not beating ourselves up over every single miss step, it can help with the start of a foundation for healing, it is hard to heal from mental and emotional exhaustion
So true.
"Pain, humility, and then effort." What a great description of the cycle of healing!! "And then out of no where you get a burst of healing"....I think that way about every one of your videos
I agree. Therapy has taught me humility and I did get a boost of healing. I stopped blaming and accepting. It's amazing to heal.
When you say it @Keep_Moving it sounds really good to me too!
@@rowstone3019 Yay!
@@CrappyChildhoodFairy You helped me by explaining Humility. ♥️
She's so poetic in her expression which is why it resonates so deeply for me! 🌷💕
May I please say thank you to Crappy Childhood Fairy and the resultant community - I have rarely felt seen and heard before I came across these videos and the folk who comment on them - thank you. It's not that I felt lonely or alone, just 'adjacent' to life in general. Thank you.
Thank YOU! I love this community too, and I'm glad you're part of it.
I've been very jaded about the whole "self love" concept for a while. People treat love as a feeling and I can't force myself to feel better about me when I just don't. I can't force myself to treat my body and mind better when I feel extremely depressed.
But in spite of this, I've never had a problem building rich friendships where I have no problem loving the other person deeply
I hate the “you can’t love anyone unless you love yourself” as much as “only think about the good memories forget about the bad ones”
YES!
As a teacher of adults I always emphasize the importance of humility. Arrogant people are the most difficult students.
For sure! I know cuz I was one of those for ages :)
-Cara@TeamFairy
You will love yourself more as you become better at loving other people.
7:06
Conditions for change (eg to become better at loving others):
- Pain (as motivator)
- Humility (to roll with being imperfect, and stop making excuses)
- Effort (to get the shit done)
Well summarized :)
-Cara@TeamFairy
I wish the word “humility” didn’t trigger me so badly. My dad used to use it against me in arguments. It was always, “You need more humility. You need more discipline. You’re too prideful. Let go of your ego. The world doesn’t revolve around you!” Looking back I never was any of those things. I was very closed off and didn’t like myself very much. I think it was his way of trying to gain control over me. Sorry for the rant.
Words are starting to lose meaning. Too much humility and one ends up becoming the scapegoat.
Yeah I always say when people say that to me: "You dont say to babies, go love yourself first, or to small kids." they learn to love themselves by being unconditionally loved by their parents (which is often the problem because it was conditional). So it is not a matter of not loving yourself. But loving anyway. Love wired in our brain. There is this beautiful phrase in the movie Adaptation.
'You are what you love, not what loves you back.' So I think loving someone deeply says everything about your capacity to love.
By the way I prefer to say ,try to be more kind to myself. Milder words...
It makes me feel worse when people tell me how to think or what to do... I think that is unhealthy and a boundary violation...
When babies are born in a healthy environment, they are automatically taught what love is. I remember when I was in therapy for codependency, I told my therapist how can I learn to love myself, if I was never given love as a child? This video makes so much sense. Thank you. ❤
This goes along with the whole “How is anybody going to respect you if you don’t respect yourself” thing. How does one just magically get high self esteem when you’ve had the message that you’re a worthless POS your entire life? These messages just reinforce that it’s your own fault by a culture that wants us to blame ourselves. But the truth is that we do have to figure out a way to heal ourselves, unfortunately, since the medical profession doesn’t know what to do with us, and the people that hurt us will just continue to do so. Thank you for being the one person I’ve come across who seems to get it
You're welcome. Glad you see the path to healing. Sending you encouragement. - Ashley, Team Fairy
You answered yourself toward the end of the video. It's not that you can't love others at all if you don't love yourself. It's that you can't love them healthily, because you have attachments and unclear boundaries. Loving yourself comes from observing yourself in experiences where you do well, where you make a clear link between will and outcome and things work. This doesn't mean achievements, just being authentic. The more you get to see yourself as yourself in practice, the more you have something about yourself to love. It's a positive feedback loop through physical experiences, not an intellectual exercise. So, the idea makes sense when you say "You can't healthily and properly love others unless you love yourself." That means you need to give yourself the permission to first learn to love others clumsily and imperfectly. That's the real story here.
Therapists used to tell me I could only get a handful of appointments because they believed I could not benefit from much therapy because my shelter/utilities/food is always in crisis. I ask this of the therapeutic community of professionals: You try having your life fully together as a one-legged,heart patient, spine patient poor woman withPTSD. Now that we are old and have become students and stewards of ways to get by, we reflect quite sadly at the years of career we could have had with such minimal investment right after I was identified as having PTSD.
@Mom_B_Salty Try being me and see how hard 30 hard years of life on crutches does for your self identification.
@Mom_B_Salty It's the 'professionals' who have labeled Melody because they are too inadequate to deal with anyone who has real problems: housing, financial and medical issues.
They appear to be requesting only 'easy' patients who have only trivial problems because those patients are easy to 'treat' and easy to obtain supply from.
Melody sounds depressed, which is something that therapists are supposed to be able to treat. It's literally in their job description.
These therapists are basically saying: when you are no longer: depressed, homeless, ill, poor, hungry, or hopeless, come see us.
Victim-blaming is never a good look.
So true. Most therapists are useless.
I like what you said about being so absorbed in your own pain that you're never available to show up for others. I always struggled with this. I've always been a selfish person. But I realized, that the reason I was so selfish, is because I had never learned to receive. You really are trying to muster the strength to survive.
Worse yet, they always told me in church that "God's love" should be enough to satisfy me. While I realize that spirituality is important, I don't think that anything really takes the place of safe, healthy connections, or from the tangible presence of a father.
I was on a magic mushroom trip a few months ago, talking incredibly negatively about myself, and suddenly I told myself that I need to treat myself better and a switch flipped in my head. My journey started then, and it’s been truly magical to love myself. I have no friends or close relationships of any kind, and haven’t any for my entire adult life (26 y/o now), and I’ve always thought I was just not worthy of it. Myself image was absolute trash, my brain truly hated me. Wish I didn’t need drugs to help me see it but hey, I learned what I needed to learn.
I hear you
We are brothers because you just described my life. 😂
@@ricadrioricadrio2106
I’m sorry to hear that lol
But if, or once, you’ve overcome it, it is a unique, beautiful, and blessed life. I am at true peace. No stresses, no anxieties. I’ve got debt, my current “headache”, but it’ll resolve itself with time. I have plans, goals, dreams, ambitions. All my old “normal” friends from HS are exactly where they were 5 years ago. I’ve outgrown everyone around me because of my setbacks and limitations (which were really just blessings in disguise). I hope the same is true for you.
@@JohnDoe-xp4iy hi john, we re the same...
@@Peanuts76
I’d like to hear your story if you don’t mind sharing.
I see it this way.. If you are not in a healthy relationship with yourself.. Get to know yourself, setting good boundaries, stop autodestructive behavior.. Feeling good when you are alone.. Then you can choose your partner to share your life with him/her and opposite, not getting in relationship beacuse wrong reasons like loneliness, searching for help, being codependent.. In my expirience most of my relationships would get wrong turn.. Mostly beacuse of fear of abandoment, then i would lose boundaries, there was hurt and i was hurting.. Be scared to stood for my fellings and saying them with integrity.. And now i am facing me alone and i got it why is hard to be alone.. Beacuse i was toxic to myself and ofcourse i would be in relationship toxic also.. I know where it came from and working on it, but when i stop be toxic to me then healthy relationship will come if it comes.. Its ok, everything..
Exactly well said 🙌
Codependent empaths put everyone else first. As a child of an abusive alcoholic father and a mother who was not emotionally present, protective nor caring; I did not know that I was an empath and codependent.
I let a narcissist in my life and put her first and everyone else before my needs. I cared deeply for others for some reason; always seeing the good in others, even in the narcissist.
After the narcissist left me, I finally realized that I had to learn to Self-love and Self-care first.
Took me years to realize that I am an “empath”. Therapy and counseling back in the early 80’s to address psychological abuse (especially for males) was not a norm or encouraged.
I had to figure things out as I went along in my life. Self-love and Self-care is vital. I was focused externally all the time.
Narcissist prey on codependents and empaths. Codependents focus externally, thus often get stuck with toxic people.
owh, as i read this comments, i see myself in Codependent Empath, but I've grown into bitterness and hateful, cause honestly, being Scapegoat in dysfunctional family just like, I'm prone to abuse and gaslit, and it's exhausting to be caring loving person while they never understand about how we feel, i was raised as those guy who make peace and try to be kind and understanding, but it never works with my Narc mother and Sister, it's so toxic to the point i despise every thing, including problem they pushme on to....
it sucks being Empath, people always taking advantage of you, while you sacrifice yourself to every Narcissist around, whether your mother, sister, aunt, and friends.....
HSP are exhausting, no wonder i have anxiety and depression
Doing good to those around you is probably one of the biggest favors you can do for yourself, which is exactly what self-love is. Its ironic and oddly beautiful.
this is true but i think it can also be true that if you really don't see your worth, you can't see others' worth either. the real problem I have though, is I have seen this saying bastardized a LOT on fakebook, I've seen the meme repeatedly: "NO ONE WILL LOVE YOU UNTIL YOU LOVE YOURSELF. It enraged me when I saw it, and I would love to personally THROTTLE the person who started it and put it out there because it is SO damaging and false. Sometimes it takes someone loving you, to learn to love yourself. Someone seeing positive in you when others have only seen negative (sometimes, like in my case, because I was being heavily projected onto by narcissists) can be a life saver.
The definition of love is very important here. People who didn't receive love from their parents confuse attachment with love. This very attachment is what we call as trauma bonding. But love can happen only when we begin to know someone deeply by connecting with them emotionally. How can we connect with someone if we haven't connected with our ownself? If we have no clue of who we are how can we let someone love us. We will not feel loved even if we are in a healthy relationship. So loving yourself is nothing but trying to have compassionate curiosity on yourself. Understanding that you are a human being with flaws and that's okay. Letting yourself feel your emotions and forgiving yourself when you don't meet your high expectations. It's accepting yourself as a whole package. Only when we begin this process we will be truly able to recognize and appreciate love and healthy relationships. That's why you need to love yourself first else you're going to get attached to someone who may not be the one for you.
Yours is a great comment and I hope the fairy gives it a heart. Instead of 'love' i often think, do I respect and appreciate myself or that person. And I think that even as children, we have sh1t-detectors and can discern when we are treasured for ourselves and when someone is using us for a photo op.
Beatifully put, I agree 100 %
Just yesterday I heard on the radio 'you can't love someone if you don't love yourself'. It's a depressing and confusing message if you can't love yourself but I have never heard someone challenge it. I had just decided yesterday it is BS! I'm so glad to hear this video! My spiritual director keeps holding up a mirror of how I love my young children, with special needs, in and through the good and the bad. She never ever says I should love myself or I can't love them. It's just like you said it Crappy Childhood Fairy, it's opposite! Because never before have I loved myself. But now that I see my children receiving of my love, I can slowly imagine with many ups and downs, how my (younger) self might be worthy and receiving of love as well. When you said 'you have precious intrinsic worth and you are worthy to be loved' I teared up. Thank you.
You have to have a REASON to love yourself. It can't be "to be happy" because you are not filling yourself up with anything. The phrase just means nothing. You are right!
Wow thank you because I’d NEVER understood the ‘ love yourself or you’ll never be loved’ destroyed my inner self , purely because I didn’t know how to love myself as all my life at home as a child AND adult… I was humiliated, belittled, patronised laughed at etc . It wasn’t until nearing my age now (60) I realised SO much of their behaviour was jealousy and resentment..and mostly insecurity of them selves ..and beating my up ( not literally) for their inadequate life’s . Thank you ..I too have noticed I’m better at understanding other people and being calmer with them as I now am calmer in myself after leaving the shit behaviour I’d experienced behind me . Bless you ..I will continue to strive for genuine love in a genuine relationship long term . Xx
What a beautiful message - thanks so much for being here
-Cara@TeamFairy
I dont know that I will ever be able to truly love myself. I would be happy just to not hate myself. Maybe just accept myself?
IMO, don’t worry about how you feel about you or anything. Don’t worry about accepting yourself.
Life became more bearable for me when I started imaging what I thought is the most perfect, awesome being there could be, and then worked to impress that thing.
I believeGod is impressed by kindness, not meanness. It doesn’t want me treating myself or anyone else poorly. It doesn’t want me living in the past or in the future. It wants me to be, while It is.
Hope that makes sense. Peace to you.
@@-astrangerontheinternet6687 yes, imagination cannot disappoint, so I can see how that can work out in one's favour.
How are you so self-aware? I know age has a lot do with these wise pieces of advice but I am honestly, truly in awe... When you've been emotionally stunted it's so difficult to process this wide spectrum of emotions. Again, very grateful and learning as much as possible... Watching every video you've made. T.
You have to do a lot of self examination. Why do I have this feeling, when this thing happens? What am I thinking at the time? When else have I felt this way? Is there any patterns between those other times? How does this affect those around me? Do I care if it does? If not, what is the thought process behind that? Is it responsible? These kind of questions can be really helpful to understand yourself, and your connection with people. You can fix things if you don't understand them. I've never had therapy, but I assume it's a lot of these questions being asked, then implementing systems help appropriately. Which people like our fair here can help with. So it takes a lot of self work. I used these types of questions, and applied them to as much as I can remember. Everything good, bad, mundane. All angles.
What awareness I have, I credit to my Daily Practice. I teach this free (link is beneath every video) and has helped tremendously to clear confusion, "see" what reality is, find inspiration, and draw me into a greater purpose.
I actually only lashed out at two managers I had at the same job. But I had the opposite issue. Giving too much and not getting anything back. So I created space and all those people just naturally fell away. So now I’m isolated
We're born as babies hardwired to accept/take for granted the love of our caregivers. I can't imagine that these babies are incapable of loving their parents until they've learnt to love themselves: I can't see how they are even aware of the concept of 'self-love'. It's been proven through scientific observation that children who are loved first, and who love their caregivers in response, are far more likely to grow into people who feel self-worth as a response to this, not because they withhold their feelings of security about and love for their parents before learning to love themselves first. Where on earth would they get all this 'self-love' in the first place after they pop out of the womb? People who say, "Oh, they've got a great relationship because they know how to love themselves first!" don't stop to think where this 'self love' came from in the first place - out of nowhere?
I have been truly guilty of saying as well as believing this. Now that I think about it the Bible actually saw that we love Him because He first loved us, meaning God. I believe that our Creator wired us to love.
Thank you.
Blessings!
Great example! Blessings to you!!
I totally agree 🙏🏼❤️
I love that we can all have our own opinions. For me childhood trauma meant I didn’t even understand the concept of love. I’ve learned this by learning how to love myself. Yes it hurt when i heard this but i see things differently now because I’ve got self love and less loneliness as a result of hard work. Self love, for me comes from building on self respect and self care. Both of these come from keeping the promises i make to myself, having the self respect with boundaries and taking care of my needs. By keeping the promises i make to myself I’ve build a bridge over the feeling of being used and abandoned by those i went to, to love me out of my self loathing, which lead to chronic loneliness. The people I have in my life today are a reflection of my self esteem. I’m grateful to those who told me to love myself because, for me, it worked & i feel blessed.
That sounds great. If I could have done it, I would have.
I love your comment. When we all learn how to truly accept ourselves and find love with in, by rewired ourselves from pass traumas, then we become unstoppable in anything we do because we have self respect and dont bow down/depending on something or someone out validation.
@@CrappyChildhoodFairy you can but it will take you to be brave, you refuse to let go because you're fearing you will lose people you claim to love, only people you will lose when you find self love is, taxic people. Are you scare to take the red pill? Or continue to live in a self denial world? Your choice.
When find how to love ourself, it remove taxic people because they simple can't stand love, they love pure taxcity.
Love ourself bring same enlightenment around you.
I only got a sense of self love after realizing/feeling that God loved me first... that was the start of the journey to recovery for me. If God loves me, then I must be worth something.
"we're all learning to love" the core of it all, thank you
Yes!
Good stuff! I agree that too much emphasis is put on 'loving yourself' before loving others. However, how does one deal with persistent self-hatred in spite of one's capacity for empathy and ability to love others? I've always been naturally empathetic, and my current job requires a lot of empathy and love (and I love what I do), but I can never seem to find the same love, grace or compassion for myself that I have for others. For me there's still a huge disconnect. And it hinders me from knowing how to receive love when it is reciprocated, because I never feel I deserve it. Wondering too if anyone else has this struggle?
@Tracy thanks. It's comforting to know I'm not alone. And, yes, exactly: it's the feelings of 'ickiness' that are deeply ingrained in me as well. I know their origin, and can logically refute them, but dislodging them is easier said than done.
@@princesinha1680 you're definitely not alone. Since growing up not feeling heard or appreciated or loved (though I was well taken care of and not phsycially or verbally abused), I've gravitated towards people in relationships who also don't hear or appreciate me for me, and where I keep feeling the need to prove myself to them. It's what I'd been "comfortable" with because it's what I've known.
Then over the last few years, I dated a couple of people (not at the same time) who DID hear me and seemed to appreciate and care about me, and I broke it off with them because it didn't feel right, and I felt unworthy of their love and attention. And both times after I broke up with both of them, I tried going BACK to a person who I dated before them (who I'd broken up with) who I was constantly trying to prove myself to, but who could never trust me because of her own CPTSD issues...
I finally had a necessary breakthrough AHA moment with her and I finally cut off all contact with her, which has created SO much more room in my mind to explore what happened in all those instances. Now that I'm becoming more aware of my own issues and am practicing trusting my own goodness and worthiness in my everyday life (luckily I have a few supportive friends), I can practice compassion for myself and take steps to trust my self first, learning to know that I'm worthy of love and affection.
I love my time alone and the freedom to live my life how I choose, and yet at the same time I feel this emptiness I've felt my whole life, even while in relationships, and I'm so tired of being alone...
Sorry, I digressed a bit... All that to say, you're not alone. 🙋♀️💕
For the longest time, I used to believe that I was unlovable and that I was not good enough, because other people were better at things than I was. Now, I rarely believe that I’m lovable. I try to embrace all the good in myself. Yes, I have CPTSD. Yes, I’m on the autism spectrum. Yes, I’m totally blind. But I love those things about me, especially the part about me that I’m totally blind. Me being blind can be a positive thing, and it kind of makes me happy in ways. Instead of me thinking that I’m unlovable, I like to think of myself as a goofball. Because I can be funny, and sometimes it happens out of impulse. But hey, I don’t care that I randomly laugh and say silly things.
Yes! This resonates so much. My husband is avoidant in our dynamic and will often preach self-love rhetoric, usually in an attempt to run from his own basic obligations in a romantic relationship. Self love IS important, but we are hard-wired for meaningful connections with others. Thank you for this video ❤️❤️❤️
Some powerful insights here. Self love, self value is a journey with many dimensions. Mutuality is central. More you see others gifts and strengths, the more our own begin to surface. You need time alone, but you need real connection as well. We need to stop measuring ourselves and others. Johanne Hafir is a great source on the power of real connection.
A few months ago I joined a 12 step group cordependence anonymous. Finally understood what it means to love yourself. 1st and foremost It's about understanding why you hate yourself. The 4th step in the AA movement is about taking a rigorous moral inventory. Writing down every single resentment you feel about everything you remember since you were born. About others about yourself. When you do this exercise you realise at some point that most of the resentment that inhabits you are resentment you feel about yourself guilt shame. I've found out that to love myself I 1st had to forgive myself for all that guilt and shame. We learn to survive. Most of our behaviors are about survival. There is nothing wrong with it it is all very forgivable. Being gentle with ourselves.
Self love comes from default, loving others makes you better at loving
I'm already crying. It's so painful. And I don't feel alone for the first time. The constant thought of people around me don't like me is so deep.
I like this definition of humility I heard once: "Humility is being honest about our strengths and our weaknesses". Phew. So much easier said than done, though.
I think you show humility beautifully, Anna. Thank you for being such an inspiration 🙂💕
Thanks so much.
@@CrappyChildhoodFairy you're so welcome 🙂
We also learn that other people “mirror” us Law of Attraction style, and that their behavior is a sign that you don’t love yourself. This BS hurt me so much. It made me doubt myself only bc I wasn’t able to find a loving, kind, patient partner.
I’ve always loved myself enough to find ways to heal, to keep going and uplift myself with traveling or spiritual retreats.
While I learned new skills in baby steps I realized that the influence of childhood dynamics and survival strategies made me “attract” these unloving people. It had little to do with self-Love, it was about recognizing my own survival strategies, noticing red flags & other skills that I’m learning here 🙏🏼💖🌺
Thank you CCFairy!
This is a great video with a wonderful message. In some way, it reminds of Lao Tzu's quote, "Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage" Many blessings to you and yours.
And finding people that accept me helps as well... If people try to tell me what to do or how think doesn't fly with me either....
It all starts by defining "love" - true love. If you suffer from PTSD or any other kind of mental situation caused by childhood neglect or mistreatment you probably don't have a clue what love is in the first place. "Love" simply is the thoughts and acts of benevolence. Directed energy of attention, acceptance, healing and care. When directed towards oneself, it's self-care, self-acceptance and leading ultimately to self-esteem. When born in a good family, this is what you get from your parents, but everyone is not that lucky. That's why you have to find your true worth yourself, accepting the fact you are - as everybody else - worthy of this healing power.
It's very hard to sincerely love anyone, if people have treated you badly. That's why it's easier to first start loving yourself - that is, treating yourself with respect and care. If you know people may treat you badly, you are reserved against them. On the other hand you may be willing to "buy" attention and acceptance from others, becoming codependent and a "peddler" of deeds. It's not at all bad to be good to others, if you find it easier than respecting yourself, but the true way to understand love is to feel it by giving it to yourself as mentioned. Only when receiving love you can honestly start giving it to others as well. That's why you can't truly love others until you learned to receive love - from yourself.
I totally agree with this. Thanks for putting it so eloquently
I have never heard loving ones self explained like this. Thank you.
Glad you enjoyed it!
I think what others are trying to say is they can't like someone that looks down on themselves
Also wanted to add that loving others and giving to others leaves you open to bad treatment. People take that love and compassion for granted and don’t think they need to give it back.
Lots of us with cptsd don’t recognize how to set boundaries though, so we allow it without realizing we are allowing it.
True. Learning how to love (and trust) others should be done at the same time as learning to set personal boundaries so people don't walk all over you. I have had this problem lifelong.
I agree that healing is a lifelong process....
“For years mental health professionals taught people that they could be psychologically healthy without social support, that “unless you love yourself, no one else will love you.”…The truth is, you cannot love yourself unless you have been loved and are loved. The capacity to love cannot be built in isolation”
Bruce D. Perry
Watching this and realizing that I can change to be a better person who doesn’t mope all the time about what they can’t have already makes me regard myself in a better light. Pain, humility, and effort. I’m going to make sure these three words stay with me. Thanks for this.
Oh good! I'm behind you all the way!
I didn't grow up with parents - I was a happy kid anyway, a happy teen, and a happy university student ... I gradually learned to love myself by eating healthy, by avoiding toxic people and most of all by following my heart, by following my conscience which means choosing work that is meaningful and inspiring for myself.
I continue to feel like I'm all alone in the world - but I'm living the most awesome life - and that's what it means to love myself.
IM SO GLAD I FOUND THIS HOLY CRAAAAP. This is what triggered the fight between me and my friend, where i've been blaming my cptsd for ruining that friendship. Ok, maybe my reaction was too strong, but still. Telling me that I dont deserve a relationship because my life has been so difficult that i'm burnt out and in recovery mode? Not only does that hurt, its so discouraging and isolating.
We understand, words can carry so much meaning. We're glad you're here and are rooting for you! -Calista@TeamFairy
Our deepest wounding occured and our dysfunctional patterns were learned in the context of human relationships. That is where they need to be unlearned and our pasterns revised.. As you become more open to possibilities, people will appear that help you learn new behaviors and understand what you have been missing. They will genuinely reflect you back to yourself in a way that changes how you think and feel about yourself,. Step by step you recover the self that you were meant to be. Alive, vibrant and able to provide the same human presence to others, just by being who you are.
I have loved my mother before I had a sense of self. I´ve always loved my family and there were times in my life where I wanted to die, but I didnt kil myself because I loved my family and their happyness is the most important thing in the world for me. you can definitely love someone even when you hate yourself but sometimes it´s hard to believe that they love you back..
It's true. Any love for another person without having self love, is in some way, self serving. Also for many of us its impossible empathize with people's needs if you can't see what your needs are first.
I cared wayyyyy too much for others as a child/teen and young adult so I don’t understand the ‘self centred ness’ she’s referring to. I’m a humanitarian but if someone is unhealthy and damaging me, I wish them well and cut them out.
If you love yourself enough, you will do what is healthiest. When you are healthy towards yourself, you are healthy towards others. 💕
When someone genuinely loves me (which took me decades to remember what that really was), they show me beautiful things about myself that I was not able to see. So maybe it's not that we can only love ourselves when we love someone else but that we can only truly love ourseives when someone loves us and shows us that there is something to love about us that we never got from our adult caregivers, siblings or other adults.
Self-love isn't a feeling but actions and unconditional loving ourselves. It's dropping the judgemental thoughts and choosing to do right to ourselves. Maybe I'm lucky in some way, but self-love has been my biggest healer.
Thank you Fairy for putting up this video, finally I felt vindicated because the first time I was able to love myself properly was when I was unconditionally loved by someone, because I got to see why other people would love me. And that's really a thing for people with childhood trauma, it's hard to find something that we don't know exists: us being lovable from the get-go. Much love to you and your channel, for doing this kind of work and paving the way for others to heal as well. 💖💖💖
I love how you tackle and debunk these myths we've all heard, and probably repeated ourselves. What does loving ourselves mean, anyway? Is it an all or nothing thing: either we do or we don't? Now that you bring it up, it strikes me as an oversimplification. Sometimes I feel love for myself, sometimes I'm annoyed with or even dislike myself. But there's no way, even back when I was a child, even when as an adult I was feeling dislike for myself, that there weren't people I loved.
Totally agree that feeling love for ourselves is the *result* of healing. Am I better able to love - myself and others - the more I heal? Of course! But that doesn't mean I didn't love anyone before.
I'm confused because I can't seem to find a balance. I was told by my ex that I'm too self-centered and self-focused, but when she left, she said it was because I had no boundaries and was too co- dependent. I just don't understand what I'm supposed to do.
Do the work (read, listen, watch videos, give Codependents Anonymous a go) and you will find out what YOU consider the issue to be, rather than analysing what she thinks is wrong with you. Ex's say lots of things, but even well-meaning ex's aren't always right 😉 x
@@emkate71 Thank you. I am going to CoDA meetings weekly.
@@ramblingRJ that's great. CODA changed my life. I hope you have a good group where you can get real and honest with yourself and others. You're definitely on the right path 🙏😊
@@emkate71 Thank you
Its all bullshit. No one really knows.
Thank you so much for saying this. I hate those slogans drilled into our head since childhood that we have to love ourselves by looking in the mirror and saying that we love ourselves. Every time we are good to ourselves and others and we take responsibility for our mistakes, we are on the road to self love.
This is so untrue. I love many…from family to friends to pets, even though I don’t love myself.
The message of that phrase reinforces our worst fears that we are not lovable. No one will ever love us because we can’t love ourselves.
Stop loving someone who doesn't love you back. All I need to do now is, follow my own advice. But, in all seriousness, without positive reinforcements, can someone actually love themselves?
Big paradigm shift for me was love as an action. Sure, I loved the idea of myself, but I did not know how to actively love myself. Attention, need fulfilment, protection via boundaries, acceptance by expression vs burying. Putting worry energy into my things, my hobbies, figuring out my 'sense of self'. Still figuring it all out. Small successes of practice self-care feel good. Thais Gibson is my favorite catalyst/guide, and Crappy Childhood Fairy is a wonderful supplement. Her words help me by adding a layer of social wisdom to the same topic, like flesh on bones.
Thank you again for another wonderful video.
When I tell people I don't like platitudes or believe in (or like) conventional wisdom... This is what I'm talking about and what you're so tenderly explaining. Nothing is ever as easy or simple as people tend to like to make it seem. There are exceptions to every rule. There are nuances to be explored and understood. An there are little tweaks that have to be made for everyone because we're all individuals. To say one way, path, or fix works for anyone negates someone's very existence and personhood.
Well said, thank you so much
-Cara@TeamFairy
I had so much self-hate and anguish and I truly wanted to leave the planet. It was like every time I was around people all I felt was fear and loss. I decided to see others better. Not those who hurt me, just those I admired and my heart softened. I began not asking for as much and the universe provided (know that sounds silly but it does work). I felt lucky. I felt my heart heal deep wounds and it was magical. I wept with joy and grief at once. It was like a little tree growing into a larger tree with more branches, more strength. I saw my inner child soften and become empowered. I stopped over protecting and began nourishing my soul. Powerful change is beautiful. I stopped judging out of fear. It began a great cycle.
Personally speaking, the original statement is true. I couldn't see other people because I was too wrapped up in my trauma. I wasn't available to other people. I wonder if codependency plays a part, if you can put people that much ahead of you. I couldn't. I survived using anger and protecting myself. It was learning to accept myself that allowed me to see and be open to others. Also, you CANNOT go straight to self love. It is a long and arduous process that takes quite a bit of work.
I have heard people say what you're saying -- I don't think though I could love myself through working at it. I got there though!
@@CrappyChildhoodFairy it's an indirect route. It's a byproduct of shedding the weight of the trauma.
Your courage to not only heal but to share your journey with the world is such a gift. You make it easy for me to continue moving in the right direction every day by being your relatable, radiant self! I give thanks! 💚🌄🕊
What a lovely word of encouragement. THANK YOU!
Mrs. CCF: You are doing a GREAT public service with your posts. Thank you!
Regarding Self-Love, IMHO: Self-Love may or may not be crucial to our ability to love others, BUT... I believe that the most important part of loving yourself is to KNOW yourself.
Despite everybody thinking they know what "love" is, the practical definition given by Scott Peck was that love is both a feeling of good will and taking actions to make someone's life better. Without the effort of taking actions, it's only desire, not love.
To actually love yourself or others (without being a parasite) requires that we learn who we are: our values, our strengths, our gifts/talents, what's lovable about our history, and as an extension, what value we can bring in the lives of others.
Thanks for sharing! -Calista@TeamFairy
That’s why I like to tell people we should talk to ourselves as though we are talking to someone we love. Most people know what it feels like to love someone and treat someone with kindness because we love them… it takes practice to learn to turn it towards ourselves. Even the realization that it’s HARD to have kindness or compassion for ourselves sends us reeling… actually doing it takes work. But like anything else, if it’s worth doing, you’ll do it.
I love what you're saying. Very simple and true.
Totally agree all my lights. I have loved many people. I'm in my '70s but always had difficulty living myself! Hard to love yourself when you don't feel the most important people. Love you, your parents, grandparents 💕
The people who make this claim get frustrated when you try to focus on healing yourself. You have to ignore the thing that is causing the problem and never solve it.
This video brought me to tears. I had always known that I had some issues with attachment and loneliness and limerence, but hearing you speak about it, and verbalizing and validating it made me feel so seen and heard. I'm so glad I've found your channel, and I thank you for what you do. Your journey gives me hope of a brighter future.
Actually, I've learned that I can't love myself until I first realize that God loves me. Once I realized just how much God loves me, soooo much fear finally dissipated. When you realize your creator, the spiritual being who made you in his image, loves you more than anyone (including yourself) ever could, you'll never be alone. Perfect love casts out all fear and only God's love is perfect.
You really can't rely on other people to love you. Usually, people don't love themselves because of how others have hurt them (or, as Anna said, childhood trauma). As humans, we need to know our value in order to love ourselves. If we feel worthless, we can't love ourselves. EVERYONE is valuable - what a shocker. I know everyone is valuable because Jesus died for us; he was abused for us. And because God loves us. He loves us despite our ugly flaws. Therefore, knowing God loves you, you can share that love with yourself and others. Love is hard work, and for some, it is hardest to love ourselves. Humans are designed to need other humans and God, you cant live happily with on one. We NEED both.
Storge, philia, and agape. ❤🤟
came into work today after buying my self a nice iced coffee, my work coworker said sarcastically, 'oh... sort your self out then....'
so I said, 'well, you have to love your self before you can love other people'
so I'll always go by that, looks like the weird popular saying has backfired hard!
I am so grateful to have found your channel. A few weeks of watching your videos has been more eye opening than 20 yrs of off and on therapy-which was useless to me. You've been there so you get it. Thank you so much
That is so good to hear. Thanks for your kind note, and welcome!
I love what’s being said here. With everything I’ve ever discovered in my process of healing and found worthy of good advise had always been about balancing between the good and bad and not acting and thinking in extremes and also to never ever ever give up! To be persistent no matter what! This is all based on truth from experience ❤️ thank you so much for really making these points on top of others ❤️ you’re a god send childhood fairy 🧚🏼♀️
"humility is a gentle acceptance of reality" !!!
Change is loving yourself. Wanting to change the way you live is loving yourself. Accepting yourself is loving yourself. Only YOU can do this for YOU.
I've learned so much more from your videos than I ever did in any mandated rehabilitation... They seem to run surface level & most of what i took away from those places were these these dead-end platitudes. It's so inspiring & encouraging to know there's REAL help out there, but you've got to hunt!!! So glad i found this channel, Ty Anna!! 💖💙💞
Yes! Finally someone said it. This is why I love your channel. I never hear the same pithy sayings I hear so many self help gurus regurgitating.
I believe loving other people (in a healthy way) is healing.
The way I can Love myself is by giving up loving a man who left me and married someone else. I have loved this man for 20 years and I am very ill. I just listened to your video on limerance. I am so grateful I finally heard this information. I tried to love myself..I cannot. The only thing that has really helped me is knowing Jesus Loves me. That has given me comfort..but I see the problem Now. Thank You!
Your expression of not knowing how to love yourself was so on point to mine before discovering how for myself.