It’s so beautiful to feel so comfortable with a partner within a few months. It makes asking hard questions not so hard. Some stuff cannot and should not be compromised, but when things come up and both sides can come to a collective compromise it only affirms a relationship more. Being able to both share how you’re feeling and compromising on certain things for each other is amazing.
Been married for 15 years. I have 4 kids and one on the way, so I'm not sure why this video was recommended. But I watched out of curiosity. I have to say, these are good questions. They hit on a few things that tend to surprise people after the wedding and can be sources of conflict. So, addressing these things before hand is definitely a good idea.
Love this, so helpful in my discernment as i am currently engaged and unknowingly we brought up these questions before doing so, thanks be to God, this is a good confirmation. God bless you.
What questions should older people who are dating ask each other? My beau and I have both been married before. He is 71, and I am 64. His was a happy marriage until his wife’s illness and death eight years ago. Mine was an abusive relationship, and I left and divorced him, but was so busy raising kids, I never completed the annulment process. A little over a year ago, he had a massive stroke and (after making peace with me on his dying day - my birthday), he passed away. I have been celibate for 23 years and counting. Our experiences are so vastly different, but we agree that God should be at the center of our relationship, that we need to be chaste through the dating process (though it’s very difficult for both of us), and that we are open to being family to each other’s children. We have talked about religion (He is a Christian, though not a Catholic, but is open to learning more), end of life issues, such as what we want done at our deaths, our goal of service to God’s people, and lifestyle choices (We want a skoolie!). We have talked frankly about sex, and our difficulties with chastity in the past. So, what else? I’m racking my brains because after my disastrous first marriage, I’m a little (maybe a lot) afraid of screwing this amazing gift up. Any advice, questions, cautions?
This is so heartwarming! I have no such experience, but I would always recommend you pray! First and foremost, put all your trust in Our Lord Jesus Christ trough the sacred hands of Our Holy Mother! Under her mantle we are always safe, and our fears turn into hope and confidence. Maybe you could get him to pray a chaplet together, even if he's not Catholic (yet)? If not, pray the Our Father if his denmination acknowledges it. If I were in your shoes I would: - try to pray with him; - if that isn't possible for some reason, pray alone for your future together, and his conversion (I could never stress enough the wonders of the Rosary); - maybe develop some form of strategy to cope with tentantion? I've heard about a chastity puzzle to distract both into something more edificant. Also reckoning, being aware and avoiding all situations that eases temptations (being alone in closed spaces, at night, etc).
What's your idea for heaven for me and why? Do we have a common aim in heaven? What is your hope for me? For you? Are your reasons aimed for your sake? For mine? For God's? What is your worth, why do you want to get married, describe what is love? Is marriage two people that* have agreed to die to themselves for the love of God and the other? What do you/are you, really and deeply seeking in and for / *from your spouse?
I had conversations like that with my boyfriend. Unfortunately he always said: Yes I totally agree with you. There is nothing to add. And when I asked him a question he answered quiet wishy washy so the interpretation space was huge and I think that he answered what he thought I would like to hear. He really wants to marry me and if he won't he will never find anyone else he says. I am discerning this relationship since almost a year (we are together for 3 years a d both 22 years old) and I think it's time to go different ways but I am so afraid that he will fall I to depression or other psychological issues afterwards 😕
That doesn't sound healthy to continue. Ultimately you have to decide, but please don't let fear of his future actions keep you in it. You don't have to feel guilty about his choices now or his response if you break it off... that's on him. He sounds undecisive and you are worth being in a healthy relationship (with yourself and others). Please remember that, as his girlfriend, it is NOT your "job" to be his savior. I hope he finds the help he needs. I pray for your clarity and courage in whatever choice you make too.
@@kristinamaureen that is a very good point. God is our savior, not the man or woman we're dating. I think many people seem to forget that today at least on some level. If someone isn't feeling well psychologically about the relationship or feels pressured to act or respond in a certain way by the person they're dating, that's certainly not a good sign. Relationships shouldn't burden a person so much. You should feel comfortable enough with each other not to feel so much psychological distress or uncertainty.
So important. Looking forward to that course. Why is marriage prep so slim in our church? My other was just saying as we progress we want more prep. Thank you. Peace
^ indeed, is there anything I could fail to be/do that would make me not your spouse (having been sacramentally joined as one in the action of God). What do they make of God's message of marriage and reconciliation given to Hosea (Book of Hosea is part of the old testament); e.g. what does till death do us part mean to them? God is at the true foundation of their unity (Recommend to read together "Three To Get Married" by Archbishop Fulton J. Sheen. How is our Marriage aiming specifically to seek to do the will of God.
Excellent Elizabeth. Loved your scarf. Another question(s) that is important is 'Who will be raising our children when we have them? Will we bring them up in the faith.?' Do you have a specific book in mind for couples discerning engagement/marriage. I read three a few years back and it was amazing. I liked that you brought up furthering a couples development. So important. Thanks again.
I’m not in this situation personally, but have never heard of this type of ministry before... perhaps it’s something you can help initiate? Contact the ToB institute!
Depends on the couple... my wife and I were engaged after 4 months of dating, but we absolutely knew we were ready & we were married 1 year after we first started dating. 4 kids now and married 13 years, dating period was long enough for us, but might not be for others.
yeah I got like "uaat?" too. Of course it comes down to many personal things like did they know each other well beforehand, education/graduation estimatives, health/financial conditions, etc etc, but a golden rule I found from a catholic chanel states from 1-3 years including dating and engagement. It should be enough time for both to know each other's soul well, but not so long to the point the intimacy gets too tempting. If you've been together for 4 years or so and still isn't ready to vow for your life, something's odd.
Being "open to life" does not mean limiting the number of children you have to the number you desire. Any Catholic who doesn't say "I want as many children as God gives me" without just cause is a red flag. We should model our families after the Holy Family, and our Blessed Mother's "Fiat" was whole, perfect, and completely submissive to the will of God, as Joseph too was obedient.
The talking about kids is important. But the questions like how many kids you want or how big you want your family to be, is in my opinion wrong. It is just stemming from the contraceptive mentality. Not that one should try to have kids everytime they come together, but with regards to the kids, they can be naturally spaced when using reason. Not to come together only at times when woman is deemed infertile. But doscerning, what are times that are appropriate to come together (e.g. to abstain for lent). NFP(for avoding pregnancy) can only be used for grave reasons.
'but with regards to the kids, they can be naturally spaced when using reason.' - "NFP(for avoiding pregnancy) can only be used for grave reasons." This seems contradiction - and what does "using reason" mean ? And who determines that reasoning? A child born to a middle-income, married couple is approximately $267,000 (in 2021 dollars) over a period of 18 years - or more than $14,800 a year per child for a typical two-child household. Just to put it in perspective, when I was born it cost my parents ($28. U.S ) for the hospital stay - what's it now $28,000 ? for a run of the mill birth? Kids are expensive, this one reason couples are opting out on having or limiting kids, not only that but time consuming, and mentally exhausting at times 2 parents working, and studies show it ( kids) don't contribute to the overall happiness of the marriage, ( especially if the marriage is struggling) people don't have the pioneer spirit any more - Are not having 8 -10 kids to help on the farm or family ( not needed ) business anymore. And the majority of Catholics are no longer in lock step with catholic doctrine ,or all catholic beliefs for the last 50 or 60 yrs.
@@sitka49 this is the attitude what I was talking about. But if you abstain for penitential reasons or so, it can be spacing. In particular, I disagree with the financial reasoning. The point of marriage is not to live comfortably but to bring kids into the world. This is how it was from the beginning... Of course good of the spouses comes out of marriage, but cannot be put in front of bringing kids to the world. It is wrong to say one day: Ok Lord it is enough kids for us so we will use NFP from now on, because we do not have money to do your plan...
@@sitka49 Moreover, no one said that both parents must be working in conventional jobs. Women can easily work from home if needed. And it is the Man's duty to provide...
@@branislavjeriga6762 "In particular, I disagree with the financial reasoning. The point of marriage is not to live comfortably but to bring kids" living comfortable isn't the issue it could become to the point of being financially devastating unless you going have the social services proved, aka welfare . Or unless you think God will provide? That's what my dad had to do, he would go out in the back yard and shoot some squirrels from time to time ,so when things got tight and had to make ends meet , we could have something to eat. When I was a kid I told myself that there was no way I was going to live like that, when I got married . We had 3 kids and we ended it there , I Was able to help pay for some of their schooling We could afford to do family outings and generally had a quality of life we enjoyed as a family instead of living from hand to mouth.
![How I knew she was the one [Discernment Story] (with Dr. Mario Sacasa)](/img/n.gif)
It’s so beautiful to feel so comfortable with a partner within a few months. It makes asking hard questions not so hard. Some stuff cannot and should not be compromised, but when things come up and both sides can come to a collective compromise it only affirms a relationship more. Being able to both share how you’re feeling and compromising on certain things for each other is amazing.
I like the fact she has a such a positive demeanor.
First question comes at 3:42
Thanks
Been married for 15 years. I have 4 kids and one on the way, so I'm not sure why this video was recommended. But I watched out of curiosity. I have to say, these are good questions. They hit on a few things that tend to surprise people after the wedding and can be sources of conflict. So, addressing these things before hand is definitely a good idea.
Love this, so helpful in my discernment as i am currently engaged and unknowingly we brought up these questions before doing so, thanks be to God, this is a good confirmation. God bless you.
What questions should older people who are dating ask each other? My beau and I have both been married before. He is 71, and I am 64. His was a happy marriage until his wife’s illness and death eight years ago. Mine was an abusive relationship, and I left and divorced him, but was so busy raising kids, I never completed the annulment process. A little over a year ago, he had a massive stroke and (after making peace with me on his dying day - my birthday), he passed away. I have been celibate for 23 years and counting. Our experiences are so vastly different, but we agree that God should be at the center of our relationship, that we need to be chaste through the dating process (though it’s very difficult for both of us), and that we are open to being family to each other’s children. We have talked about religion (He is a Christian, though not a Catholic, but is open to learning more), end of life issues, such as what we want done at our deaths, our goal of service to God’s people, and lifestyle choices (We want a skoolie!). We have talked frankly about sex, and our difficulties with chastity in the past. So, what else? I’m racking my brains because after my disastrous first marriage, I’m a little (maybe a lot) afraid of screwing this amazing gift up. Any advice, questions, cautions?
This is so heartwarming! I have no such experience, but I would always recommend you pray! First and foremost, put all your trust in Our Lord Jesus Christ trough the sacred hands of Our Holy Mother! Under her mantle we are always safe, and our fears turn into hope and confidence.
Maybe you could get him to pray a chaplet together, even if he's not Catholic (yet)? If not, pray the Our Father if his denmination acknowledges it. If I were in your shoes I would:
- try to pray with him;
- if that isn't possible for some reason, pray alone for your future together, and his conversion (I could never stress enough the wonders of the Rosary);
- maybe develop some form of strategy to cope with tentantion? I've heard about a chastity puzzle to distract both into something more edificant. Also reckoning, being aware and avoiding all situations that eases temptations (being alone in closed spaces, at night, etc).
I really like " how will our family react to suffering
This was great! Thanks for the questions. I look forward to asking the ones that haven't already been discussed!
Thank you for watching! Please pray for us.
What's your idea for heaven for me and why? Do we have a common aim in heaven? What is your hope for me? For you? Are your reasons aimed for your sake? For mine? For God's? What is your worth, why do you want to get married, describe what is love? Is marriage two people that* have agreed to die to themselves for the love of God and the other? What do you/are you, really and deeply seeking in and for / *from your spouse?
I had conversations like that with my boyfriend. Unfortunately he always said: Yes I totally agree with you. There is nothing to add. And when I asked him a question he answered quiet wishy washy so the interpretation space was huge and I think that he answered what he thought I would like to hear. He really wants to marry me and if he won't he will never find anyone else he says. I am discerning this relationship since almost a year (we are together for 3 years a d both 22 years old) and I think it's time to go different ways but I am so afraid that he will fall I to depression or other psychological issues afterwards 😕
That doesn't sound healthy to continue. Ultimately you have to decide, but please don't let fear of his future actions keep you in it. You don't have to feel guilty about his choices now or his response if you break it off... that's on him. He sounds undecisive and you are worth being in a healthy relationship (with yourself and others). Please remember that, as his girlfriend, it is NOT your "job" to be his savior. I hope he finds the help he needs. I pray for your clarity and courage in whatever choice you make too.
@@kristinamaureen that is a very good point. God is our savior, not the man or woman we're dating. I think many people seem to forget that today at least on some level. If someone isn't feeling well psychologically about the relationship or feels pressured to act or respond in a certain way by the person they're dating, that's certainly not a good sign. Relationships shouldn't burden a person so much. You should feel comfortable enough with each other not to feel so much psychological distress or uncertainty.
This is some useful practical advice. Hope I'll remember them
You got this!
So important. Looking forward to that course. Why is marriage prep so slim in our church? My other was just saying as we progress we want more prep. Thank you.
Peace
The most importante question is: if we separate, would you marry another person?
Because that is how you know what his/her idea of sacredness is.
^ indeed, is there anything I could fail to be/do that would make me not your spouse (having been sacramentally joined as one in the action of God). What do they make of God's message of marriage and reconciliation given to Hosea (Book of Hosea is part of the old testament); e.g. what does till death do us part mean to them? God is at the true foundation of their unity (Recommend to read together "Three To Get Married" by Archbishop Fulton J. Sheen. How is our Marriage aiming specifically to seek to do the will of God.
Wait why would u do that because ur still married in the church? This comment confused me
@@Anyone690 If they say that a second marriage is possible, even though they are already married, this means they don't believe marriage is for life.
@@andrewkaldas3337 but you can’t get sacramentally married twice tho
@@Anyone690 exactly it's a problem that they thought so
Excellent Elizabeth. Loved your scarf. Another question(s) that is important is 'Who will be raising our children when we have them? Will we bring them up in the faith.?' Do you have a specific book in mind for couples discerning engagement/marriage. I read three a few years back and it was amazing. I liked that you brought up furthering a couples development. So important. Thanks again.
Excellent!! I loved this video, so helpful. God bless your mission 🙏🏻❤️
Thank you for this video!!! God bless you!!
So good!
Waiting for the course, really
Please come out with a workbook with these questions!
What videos are available for older people who have already been married, raised families and are now Widows and Widowers?
I’m not in this situation personally, but have never heard of this type of ministry before... perhaps it’s something you can help initiate? Contact the ToB institute!
Yay so helpful!
Did she say ”years”? How long is a dating / pre engagement supposed to be?
Depends on the couple... my wife and I were engaged after 4 months of dating, but we absolutely knew we were ready & we were married 1 year after we first started dating.
4 kids now and married 13 years, dating period was long enough for us, but might not be for others.
yeah I got like "uaat?" too. Of course it comes down to many personal things like did they know each other well beforehand, education/graduation estimatives, health/financial conditions, etc etc, but a golden rule I found from a catholic chanel states from 1-3 years including dating and engagement.
It should be enough time for both to know each other's soul well, but not so long to the point the intimacy gets too tempting. If you've been together for 4 years or so and still isn't ready to vow for your life, something's odd.
Does anyone know if this course has come out yet?
Being "open to life" does not mean limiting the number of children you have to the number you desire. Any Catholic who doesn't say "I want as many children as God gives me" without just cause is a red flag. We should model our families after the Holy Family, and our Blessed Mother's "Fiat" was whole, perfect, and completely submissive to the will of God, as Joseph too was obedient.
Also if your around the age of 20 id love to be friends. I have little to no christian friends my age.
The talking about kids is important. But the questions like how many kids you want or how big you want your family to be, is in my opinion wrong.
It is just stemming from the contraceptive mentality.
Not that one should try to have kids everytime they come together, but with regards to the kids, they can be naturally spaced when using reason. Not to come together only at times when woman is deemed infertile. But doscerning, what are times that are appropriate to come together (e.g. to abstain for lent). NFP(for avoding pregnancy) can only be used for grave reasons.
'but with regards to the kids, they can be naturally spaced when using reason.' - "NFP(for avoiding pregnancy) can only be used for grave reasons."
This seems contradiction - and what does "using reason" mean ? And who determines that reasoning?
A child born to a middle-income, married couple is approximately $267,000 (in 2021 dollars) over a period of 18 years - or more than $14,800 a year per child for a typical two-child household. Just to put it in perspective, when I was born it cost my parents ($28. U.S ) for the hospital stay - what's it now $28,000 ? for a run of the mill birth?
Kids are expensive, this one reason couples are opting out on having or limiting kids, not only that but time consuming, and mentally exhausting at times 2 parents working, and studies show it ( kids) don't contribute to the overall happiness of the marriage, ( especially if the marriage is struggling) people don't have the pioneer spirit any more - Are not having 8 -10 kids to help on the farm or family ( not needed ) business anymore. And the majority of Catholics are no longer in lock step with catholic doctrine ,or all catholic beliefs for the last 50 or 60 yrs.
@@sitka49 this is the attitude what I was talking about. But if you abstain for penitential reasons or so, it can be spacing.
In particular, I disagree with the financial reasoning. The point of marriage is not to live comfortably but to bring kids into the world. This is how it was from the beginning...
Of course good of the spouses comes out of marriage, but cannot be put in front of bringing kids to the world. It is wrong to say one day: Ok Lord it is enough kids for us so we will use NFP from now on, because we do not have money to do your plan...
@@sitka49 Moreover, no one said that both parents must be working in conventional jobs. Women can easily work from home if needed. And it is the Man's duty to provide...
@@sitka49 exactly, this is what I object. If the Theology of the Body institute lets creeping mentality of contraception... Something is wrong.
@@branislavjeriga6762 "In particular, I disagree with the financial reasoning. The point of marriage is not to live comfortably but to bring kids"
living comfortable isn't the issue it could become to the point of being financially devastating unless you going have the social services proved, aka welfare .
Or unless you think God will provide?
That's what my dad had to do, he would go out in the back yard and shoot some squirrels from time to time ,so when things got tight and had to make ends meet , we could have something to eat.
When I was a kid I told myself that there was no way I was going to live like that, when I got married .
We had 3 kids and we ended it there , I Was able to help pay for some of their schooling
We could afford to do family outings and generally had a quality of life we enjoyed as a family instead of living from hand to mouth.
He's probably not smarter than you and you know more about marriage than him.