A survivor’s plea to end child marriage | Payzee Mahmod | TEDxLondonWomen
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- čas přidán 31. 05. 2024
- Payzee Mahmod was a normal teenager, idolising pop stars and pursuing her education. But her childhood was stolen from her when, at just 16 years old, her parents coerced her into marrying a much older man. Lacking the knowledge, power and language to protest the marriage, Payzee hoped another adult or professional in her life would intervene, help her and stop the marriage. Tragically the marriage went ahead and Payzee turned to self-harm and small acts of rebellion, to try and escape. But then everything changed. Her sister Banaz left her own abusive child marriage andmoved back in with their parents. In January 2006, after months of rumours and death threats, Banaz went missing. Three months later, her body was found in Birmingham - her father, her uncle and 3 other Kurdish men were tried and sentenced to life imprisonment. When Payzee turned 18, she got divorced and arranged Banaz’s funeral - all in the same month. Now she is speaking out on behalf of herself, her sister Banaz, and every child at risk of child marriage, to demand that the current law in England and Wales which shockingly allows marriage from 16 with parental consent is changed and that child marriage under the age of 18 becomes a crime. A survivor of child marriage, who lost her sister Banaz in a tragic “honour” killing, Payzee’s focus to prevent so called “honour” based abuse and child marriage could not be more personal. A Kurdish immigrant, raised in London, with a successful career in the fashion industry, she uses her voice to speak out as a survivor - not a victim - and has made it her mission to be a changemaker, helping to tackle these harmful practices. As an IKWRO ambassador and campaigner, her story and experiences have reached international audiences, including the Kurdish community. She has spoken widely on the need for changes to the laws surrounding child marriage and “honour” based abuse across radio, television and newspapers and met with government officials and the Home Office to explain first-hand why change is needed to finally make child marriage a crime. This talk was given at a TEDx event using the TED conference format but independently organized by a local community. Learn more at www.ted.com/tedx
Child marriage must become a crime. Yes, I agree.
Renee Henderson
Child marriage is a crime under 16 but the UK does not have any say in what happens in these backwards countries like Iraq.
@@jennym007 Recklessly bringing in people by millions without ever questioning if they want to integrate to the local culture, would they accept the local values. This is what we get in Europe.
Jenny M don’t assume it just happens elsewhere. Happens in the US a lot and not just in certain religious communities.
spacecat1974 The majority of child marriages in the US are between young girls and older men and these arrangements are almost always done by conservative Christians. In the US we have tried many times to raise the age to 18 but conservative lawmakers have ignored the pleas. Even after hearing the horrific stories from actual victims they do nothing. In the US children can’t obtain a lawyer, seek divorce, or even go to domestic abuse centers.
@@Wturner18 I just checked US minimum age for marriage. Yikes!! And also California is a Leftist state, not a conservative state. The state has no minimum age limit for marriage. Care to explain?
This what human trafficking looks like it doesn't matter that your parents are involved
True!
Thank you for that comment.
More often than not, it's the parents trafficking their own children.
@@katphish30 sad
Parents in these places have kids just tosell. That's why they go to buy gold. Who does this to a child
@@hippiechicksmomma2727 'Kids' no. The daughters, yes. The boys are revered.
It’s interesting that “child marriage must become a crime” is something that still has to be said in the twenty-first century.
extremely sad you mean
As much as I would like to agree, it's not really surprising. Imagine what would have happened if it becomes illegal. Kids getting married illegally and scared to even tell the truth because they are scared of their family. People turning a blind eye to it because it's illegal. I think that making child marriage illegal won't really solve the problem.
@@dorarandom7870 no. America has child marrage with parental concent. In almost all states it is still legal. From under 18 to as young as 12.
@lygophile i think it would have, because she could have finished her primary education and had legal rights like divorce (options which she couldn't choose because she was a minor at the time). even though forcing ANYONE, regardless any age, into marriage is terribly unethical, at least she could have had legal resources to help her.
@lygophile I mean, child marriage is forced marriage, so sure I guess
"my sis was murdered"
* audience starts clapping *
I know it was supportive but it still seemed so wrong imo
I think the clapping was to fill in the awkward silence while she was crying
Yes, really awkward.
It was for encouragement.
I agree! Bloody idiots! “Yeah cry!”
I was looking for this comment😁😁
It sounds more like her father dishonoured their family.
Resident Mist yup
Only to our perspective. The problem is, it's hard for social services to distinguish between strange cultural customs & abusive ones.
@@chanieweiss4288 Is it really that difficult............ The law is the law and all should have the protection of it. She was subject to FGM this should have been the first red flag. Parents of girls who undergo this must ALL be procecuted.
They all do....any parent who does sells their child must be prosecuted & gaoled
Chanie Weiss ENOUGH with the political correctness!!
When she listed the people who failed to protect her, she didn't mention her parents. This is a parent's number one job.
She forgot to mention that she didn't tell the iman, the teachers, the register, or the doctor. She is wrong saying that the victim shouldn't have to say something YES they should. As she stated 16 year olds can marry it's law. The murder was the only crime that was committed in this lived experience
@@donnahannaford6840
Obviously you have never been in an abusive relationship, nor scared of the very people who should protect you, your parents. This is by British standards, an extremely naive young girl that grew up in a religiously conservative environment. For her to speak out at that time at 16 would be like you slapping your grants face. Unthinkable, also if she had, she might be the one that's murdered.
True, but it was her parents she needed protecting from.
@@donnahannaford6840 Do you really think she didn't speak? She couldn't!! U have no idea what it is to live in an emotionally abusive environment where all the abuse is in the form of love and your love for your own family will be used into blackmailing you!! I can very much understand her situation and I really do know that Speaking out was never an option.. The very fact that she didn't deceive herself into liking the marriage is in itself a great feat!! Usually they are manipulated into loving/liking their husbands..
She didn't speak, yet had an abortion? That doctor could have reported the abuse???
Dad: who cares what happens to my kids, as long as I have community status!
😢
Thats why i have trust issues and dont have friends.
@@acer4237 yeah
Sad 😔
@@marcirwilcox1160 You shouldn't give up on social relationships, I understand you have issues, but don't completely close yourself, just be more careful about it. I wish the best for you
The nurse's reaction to her pregnancy: WTF?!
^What does that have ANYTHING to do with this
@Amandeep Wahi what
How does selling your daughters give honor that is that most dishonorable thing I can think of for a father
Hi
Cultural differences, clearly. How lucky we are to be horrified. 💔
999th like 😎
true. but this is done by many millions in different cultures. unfortunately for the girls.
This is same 'father' that murdered his daughter Banaz bc she 'took the families honor away' 😔😡😤
The 9 human beings who gave this woman a thumbs down must be those people who think it’s okay to buy a child bride...
26 now and they should be flogged.
Elizabeth Moreno, Unfortunately the grooms of these defenseless child brides, are being placed in the hands of child molesters. They are as sick as those who see nothing wrong in child/human trafficking. .
Elizabeth, 45 now. And you are probably right
Fuddyduddy Horsemanship super depressing :-(
46 now
She "acted like a brat" at the wedding dress shop, to try and get the employees to notice she was a child. Ooof. I have been there.
I remember acting out in school, trying to get my teachers to notice there was something wrong with me, but being too afraid to tell the truth.
When you are so trapped that you can't even run away, can't even ask someone to help you, can't even scream, because you know you'll be caught and punished. This is how abuse works. Abusers make you so scared to tell on them that you just don't. It works, because over and over again, you are let down by adults who choose to do nothing. You learn to trust no one. You learn that no one cares. It takes a lifetime to unlearn that.
This is something that I myself have faced and it truly tolls on me to give anyone a chance. Even my own friends.
Are you okay?
Have a hug. 🤗
Islam live in medevil yrs this is a back ward RELIGON.
@@markramlucken8502 Its not Islam itself that is so. Its more of how these people portray it. I am a muslim myself and I can tell you that's not how it is. Forced marriage is forbidden in Islam.
I didn't recognize her at first but when she said her sisters name I knew who she was. I'd heard her sisters story several times and it broke my heart. Her father had tried to kill her sister just days before she was murdered. Her brother had tried to kill both her and her sister. She's a strong woman and the definition of a survivor!
No that sister was Bekhal that ran away and never had the marriage. Their brother tried to kill bekhal. Payzee who is taking in this is a different sister and 15 months younger than banaz. Bekhal is older than banaz. What is sad is that their is an older sister called beza who is still in her marriage she was the oldest sister. I wonder what become of her . And the youngest sisters... their mother was also never sentenced or convicted of anything when she fully would have known what was going on. It saddens me to think Banaz thought she was safe at home because her mum was there and that because of that, nothing would happen. When her did tried to kill her on nye he apologised after and said to come home he won't do it again. Just all very sad, when I see Banaz on those police tapes I wish I could hug her and save her. Its all heartbreaking
Omg..that is unbelievable 😢😭
God, this woman is so strong, please heal her from this trauma.
It’s a belief in a god that created the trauma, another false belief isn’t going to heal it. Human problems require human solutions. No magical being is gonna fix it-if this were true it would have already happened LONG ago. Child marriage is a reality in the UK, America (go ahead & google it) & everywhere. Gods have nothing to do with it- only humans do. Only humans can stop this.
This is just another word for human trafficking, these parents should be ashamed of themselves
Ariana Grandé and what about atheism? How many millions have been to tutors and murderer under the banner of atheism? It’s estimated about 100,000,000 people have died under communism and atheism in the last 100 years.
@@caseyjude5472 These people who thing talking to an imaginary man in the sky who needs money, don't waste your time on them. They're a lost cause
she has healed already, talking about this means that she is fine now
This is just another word for human trafficking, these parents should be ashamed of themselves
They are too barbaric to feel like that.
@Larry Appelton why should the girl feel ashamed ?
@@just.z0ee537 I think he’s just trolling
Not only the parents..no.Also the "relatives" are involved in almost 80% of the cases.Its a whole horde of predators who inflict pain and prejudice on to a single soul who happens to have female reproductive organ 🙃
It is not only parents, it was a pressure from the whole community.
The dislikes are from guys who participate in these sort of wrongful acts...
Has to be. Psychos.
or from grandmothers who ran away and married the love of thier life at 15.... and still in love at 65...
@@theCosmicQueen Why would you bring that up under a video about human trafficking and abuse? Read the room
This is why I think the legal age for marriage should be something like 20.
Exactly
They would still do it but just not legally only their own religious ceremonies
And for the children who choose to be together without parental consent?
@@carolmk3114 they would be dating not married
I got married at 17, by choice. The only thing that matters is that it’s a personal choice and not someone else forcing you to do it. The age doesn’t matter. You could be 30 and still being pressured to marry someone you don’t want to be with
I think every woman watching this knew the sinister reason for that white sheet. It makes me sick to my stomach that so many young girls have to endure this.
I don’t understand what the white sheet is for. Can someone explain?
@@aliciaw.5233 I think it's an indication of virginity according to the old beliefs
@@aliciaw.5233 it goes under the girl on her wedding night. She bleeds on the sheet to prove her virginity was taken by her husband and that she went to the marriage bed honourable. The sheet is returned to the family so they can show it as proof that they raised a dutiful daughter. Used to be pretty common in Europe too, especially in marriages of higher standing.
Little V it used to be common in Europe? That’s just sickening
@@CutePuppy520 Let's not forget way back arranged marriages were also very common in Europe and some women were even sold by their fathers. Marriage was also used as a way to financially secure a women, considering she was not allowed (not unable) to work.
your parents failed you more than anyone you listed...sickening that anyone can do this to their daughters!!
Pray for them.. They need Jesus just as much as everyone! This is so sad!
Really now! It's the power of religious conditioning! A normal person would never do this to his/her daughter. Religion that teaches such things as honour killings is not Religion. But it will take a long time before such practises end.
@@victorianeal9369 Really? Where was Jesus when one of her sisters was murdered?
@@susanadams3874 islam doesnt support honour killing infact force marriage is haram (forbidden) and a sin this is cultural beliefs dont mix it up with religion thankyou
@@hashimeanw2095 I strongly support you. I am christian, but I do think that islam is a wonderful religion, IF you take it seriously. I have muslim friends, who are all for freedom, for hard work and for being educated (girls included, of course), honest, loving and understanding. I have a lot of respect and love for them. And because of them I love Islam, too. It is just as fine a religion, as any other - provided, humans do not spoil it.
I've heard of Banaz's story, it's beyond tragic. Such a beautiful, young life that was taken away so cruelly by the people who were supposed to protect and love her.
I live in Europe and (before Covid) a Muslim woman came to the makeup counter where I worked for a "fresh up", and as we chatted she mentioned how difficult it is for her to meet new people and make friends because her husband doesn't really let her out of the house and has full control on who she sees and talk to. I didn't know what to say, I didn't want to embarrass her. Now I think I should have maybe asked her if she needed help. But the police here would have probably done nothing because they don't mess with other cultures, even if they are harmful.
Yes European Police forces seem to be afraid of the religion of peace
@@1amarsandhu it does not belong in Europe. Let those people stay whey they are...no one invited them.
It is absolutely unbelievably tragic. And Banaz's boyfriend, Rahman Sulemani, who reported her disappearance, testified against her murderers at trial under threats to his life, and who had to live the rest of his life isolated and estranged from his community under witness protection, committed suicide in 2016. Just so incredibly sad.
The police start interfering with Muslim religious culture will make the community mad and u don't want your Islamic community to be mad
@@KrolKaz I think non-Muslims need to educate themselves and maybe not use the lame excuse of "not interfering with other people's cultures". Where someone is at risk of harm, religious considerations should not come into it. Many years ago my husband's Muslim friend and best man at our wedding went to the police and was was denied help. His parents and sister had been subjected to violent intimidation (with bricks being thrown through their windows and death threats) because his sister had broken off a relationship with a guy who wanted to marry her. To protect his family, and because the police were not interested, our friend was forced to take the law into his own hands to get the message through to this thug that they would not be intimidated. In a properly functioning society, this should not have been necessary. We need less tribalism and more multi-cultural community spirit to stand up for the protection of everyone in our society.
the reason why she’s not naming her parents in the list of people who failed to protect her is because they’re the perpetrators of the crime. she doesn’t even have that hope for them anymore.
So the social services and teachers turned a blind eye to a 16 year old child getting married in the UK? Im shocked
It's racial discrimination to ask questions so we can't. The victims have to speak up
In a remote part of a village in Tamilnadu, child marriages had been abolished only by teachers. These teachers would find out if the child is going to continue her education and if not they ask their friends. They then tip off the authorities and when the police visits them its a shame .
@@donnahannaford6840 do u not realis ehow hard it is for the victim to speak up? teachers HAVE to ask the student about it if they are informed.
It is legal in the U.K. to marry at 16 if you have parental consent. It is illegal to drink, drive or vote. Double standards!
@@wendycoyne2899 That sounds absurd, 16 is too young a agd to get married.
"Honor" that relies on the pain, slavery, or murder of your own children isn't honor at all but is the kind of pride that is counted as one of the seven deadly sins.
True...in Christian teachings.
@@misottovoce no hate but....in Islam you're not supposed to kill either. Trust me it's not just in christian teachings.
@@zayna8517 I know that and I would not ever assume 'hate' from someone who is simply making a comment. That word has become a trendy expression, usually exaggerated. What I was referring to (and should have been clearer with my comment) was the 'grouping' of the Seven Deadly Sins. Do a search for that phrase in Wikipedia. It is interesting. Of course, in all major religions each of those 'sins' are indeed, considered sins. Sadly, ALL religions justify killing either under the excuse of 'in the name of God' or because of social beliefs (honour killings). I've studied Islam, Christianity and Buddhism, by the way. Thanks for your comment.
@@misottovoce Thank you for being polite. I'll do some research and get back to on that.
@samraiz shoaib unless it harms you, or a woman.
As an only girl whose mother has been trying to get her married since the age of 14 I CAN RELATE TO THIS BIG TIME
Like please just let me study (I'm 16 now)
Are you ok now?? Like- just- idk if your mother pushes you into a marriage please call for someone jdnfndnd
@@marilenak.1542 I don't have anyone to call :)
@@sympathycow6850 police?? social services??
@@sympathycow6850
PLEASE CALL SOCIAL SERVICES
@@gregoryspersonalbodyguard we don't have that in my country
This is why l support women’s rights unconditionally and worldwide.
I am appalled at the family’s and community’s attitude.
Any parent who forces their children to get married to strangers n old ones at that, should be arrested
Any parent who forces their child is a child abuser who needs jailing
@@JaneA544 Better arrest the whole of England then😏
@@RoseMary-vs3io what happened in England?
@@RoseMary-vs3io - What are you talking about? The USA is the only developed nation that allows children under 16 to marry. In fact, anything negative is always worse in the USA. They top the world in all negative behaviour in developed countries.
My sweet Indonesian muslim house keeper was married at thirteen to an eighteen year old who abused her for fourteen years, took a second wife which also humiliated her and she was unable to find an economic way to escape until she was older and then she learnt massage and found a job in bali away from her family.
Bless her soul for hanging on for so long.
Bless her heart for keeping the light & love for life, alive despite all she had been through.
Bless her mind for keeping her sane and to care for her SELF in instances that have broken many before her.
I hope you still have some contact with her. Stability and a lifelong friend can only help, support and show her more love. Love, that she'd been robbed of by being abused.
Aly B
thank you i will tell her you send her love!
So sad. I met girls victim of FGM in Indonesia. And I was friends with a woman who was shunned by her family for 10 years for eloping with the man she loved, instead of acepting the husband they were impossing upon her, about 20 years her senior. They were not muslin, but Hindu.
But why you telling us she is
Muslim bad marriage happens every where
Abdullah Asiri yes you are right im sorry if that sounded prejudice i was describing her but its true it happens in christian fundamentalist groups and probably many other religions
I remember when Banaz was murdered 😔 it was awful, her foul father & uncles. The police here in the UK let her down so very badly, she had been pleading to them for help for months but wasn't taken seriously.
I had no idea that Banaz's sisters were being treated horrifically too, but I'm not surprised.
Hail this brave beautiful woman for having the strength to tell her story 💗
Everybody FAILED her, Everybody.
It takes absolute courage to speak up about this. Thank you for sharing.
Child Mariage is a CRIME and must be STOPPED.
Yess it was declared illegal in India in 2006 where I live but I'm surprised UK still has not made it illegal... That's a shame.
You shine, Payzee, you shine....❤️
@@RandomSwiftie13 Political correctness.
I cried when she mentioned returing the white sheet. The system failed in so may aspects...
squirrell what did she mean by the white sheet
Rohini Malhotra she means losing her virginity
Most of the officials who looked the other way probably brushed it off as a cultural thing.
the system ALWAYS fails because it was designed by the perpetrators
Becky Lieb Are you planning on leading a revolution? 😉
"I felt as though my father didn't love me any more". Actually, he didn't if he would treat you and your sisters this way.
Very true women are still very much seen as property of their father or husband. But let's not forget it isn't that long ago the Christian faith had the same idea.
I wonder how much 2 world wars and the role women played in them changed the European view on women's rights.
Heartbreaking!
@@terryneale8663 true
True, most the time they see them as an object. Their their to do their duty, nothing more.
@@katj3443 " *They're* *there* to do *their* duty." Sorry, I just had to point it out. It's not often that someone uses a sentence with all three versions of the word.
Marrying off your kids is pretty much the most dishonorable thing i can think of tbh
Woman talks about trauma
Men: get over it, its culture!!!!
Muslim men?
@@salzwell25
Just bcoz they justify their actions with it doesn't mean that it's the true islam
Fr
Maybe time to change culture...
Ayy u can't say men as in all men bcuz i think what happened was horrible
What is wrong in UK with all the officials, teachers, nurses, and everyone who around her? I can’t believe this happens in UK in the 21st century!!
They're scared of being called racists
@@talosheeg I worked in a college and I totally agree. You cannot challenge anything otherwise you even risk your job...
Lin Chen yeah
@@alessiamolteni1759 so true. I go to an ultra leftist college in Los Angeles and I hate it. Ive been thrown out if a debate course by the PROFESSOR for not being a leftist
Talar Sews Stuff The president has declared an an Executive order agianst that. I would look into it and then threaten your professor if they try that again.
There is no such thing as honour killings and never should be called this.....it is murder, pure and simple.
You're absolutely right. It's a pathetic euphemism for people who try to find ways to justify being violent...to their own daughters and wives
@greenviolets1 Are you hearing yourself. It's legal to kill children?!.
Absolutely not, this is a misinterpretation of Islam, which like every other religion does NOT support violence, let alone murder.
@greenviolets1 While you condescension amuses me, I'll have you know it's of no other use to this conversation. And so long as we're quoting from the Quran, here are quotes that you should probably think about.
"Whoever kills an innocent life, it is as if he has killed all of humanity- Surat al Ma'idah 5:32"
Surah 3:151: “We shall cast terror into the hearts of those who disbelieve (all non-Muslims) ...”
Surah 2:191: “And kill them (non-Muslims) wherever you find them ... kill them. Such is the recompense of the disbelievers (non-Muslims).”
Surah 9:5: “Then kill the disbelievers (non-Muslims) wherever you find them, capture them and besiege them, and lie in wait for them in each and every ambush ...”
--
As for your point about "respecting their right to kill children", the Quran also states that it's okay to kill non-believers of Islam. Do you "respect this right" too or do you draw the line at the murder of women and children who are worshippers of just Islam. (look at the citations above).
Clearly, the Quran, like all other religions has its share of contradictions, but that's not to say that it was not intentionally created to promote peace. Interpretations such as the triple talaq (which are condemned by several followers of Islam too) can always be selectively chosen, but the bottom line is- they are unlawful, just like the concept of honour killings and should not be tolerated.
Nobody is stopping worshippers of Islam, it is a wonderful religion, but when any religion, even my religion, Hinduism begins to promote murder (which is what honour killings are), we need to take a damn step back and think about what we are choosing to believe in.
After listening her story.. I realised that I am so blessed...
Honestly, Alhamdulilaah.
I cannot even fathom how the concept of a 'community' can be valued over the happiness and wellbeing of one's own blood and bone. This woman is such a superhero, I cannot imagine what pain and agony she survived to be able to deliver this wonderous talk to us. Stay strong, the world is rooting for you now!
I feel for her stolen childhood, for not having a voice. Today, she's the voice. She's making us aware to be more proactive and protect children and women...regardless of their religious affiliations. Thank you Payzee for sharing your difficult story.
I don’t know what any of this has to do with religion, this all stems from certain cultures and their background
Why do think this is religious? your so disgustingly transparent
@@user-pb4xv6jx1i , yes quite right. Thank you for the clarification
@@user-pb4xv6jx1i all these certain backward cultures have the same religion. Not something that belongs in a Western country. A Western country goes along with a Western culture. Nothing less.
@@audreykennedy8891 This is not true. I would personally call Western cultures of racism to also be backward. Jumping backwards with the rest.
That's unbelievable that in the UK in 2020 child marriage is not a crime!
People can get married with parental consent from 16. Without parental consent from 18.
USA tooo
It happens in most Western countries because they subscribe to Sharia Law.
Wake up Westerners. Can you not SEE what is happening.
We in Europe & Britain are fast becoming Islamic countries. This is Islam"s ultimate aim. Read and learn. It is happening fast now.
Child marriage IS a crime in the UK. She was married at 16, which is the age of consent. In her case, it wasn't child marriage, it was forced marriage, which is also illegal in the UK. FGM is illegal too. I hope a number of people involved in this story have been prosecuted but I wish she hadn't called this child marriage as it detracts from what the issues really are. Her age wasn't the problem, her lack of consent was, and that should be enough to outrage people.
@@beverleypettit3577 Correct
This is happening in India on a big scale. This appears in every school book, yet the government takes no proper measure.
It just angers, and instills disappointment over the government.
Which part of india do you live? It happens in Muslim communities. They follow their Muslim law. Child marriage is a crime in india. Girl’s marriage age is 21 in india.
I was married at 16. End child marriage!
Oh my god, are you ok?
Unbelievable in this day and age. Those poor girls. I grew up on the 70s and 2 of my primary school friends, aged 8 and 10, went on holiday in the summer. They had an English mum who had sadly died and an English step mum, plus 2 younger siblings. Their dad was from Yemen. They never came back from that holiday. They were both married off.... no one did anything. They were English schoolgirls, didn't speak the language, didn't know the culture. No one helped them. By the time they were 12 both had children, one of them died in childbirth having her 3rd child at 17. It's now the 21st century and this still goes on. My heart bleeds for every girl treated so badly by the people who are meant to care for them the most, their family xXx
So sad for both of them and their complacent mother and sick father. I hope the last sister and her nieces and nephews and children are alive and doing well for themselves.
This is such a sad account of two babes being sold on like this! 8 and 10!!! It’s a travesty and a horror show. A girl gets her period around 12 but that doesn’t make her fit to bear a child! Absolutely not. For some reason in these cultures they equate womanhood with the onset of a period! It’s unreal in its ignorance! The body is simply still only PREPARING for child bearing.., it’s only doing its rehearsals! It takes a few more years before physically a girl can cope with a pregnancy! But these backward cultures have no understanding of that and put these children at risk of dying which is what happened in your account. It’s horrendous. Being born female can indeed be a risk to one’s life in these countries... Shame on them.
One sister did return to Britain .but she had to leave her 2 children behind .Her fingers were crippled by having to grind wheat between two stones. There is a You Tube item about her and her sister who is still in Yemen.
Sheila Nixon what is it called
Sheila Nixon There is also a book by the one who escaped called ‘sold’ I ve read it. It was heartbreaking
Authorities in the UK, schools, gps etc are terrified of appearing intolerant by helping girls like this, they would prefer to be seen to 'respect' cultural practices than to help the victims of these barbaric practices. Just because something is culturally propagated does not make it acceptable or something that should be supported. People should have their own agency, no one should be able to force another human being to be abused, murdered, or mutilated for any reason, let alone parents. A cascade of failure. This has to change! The parental consent thing was designed to allow young people to marry, through their own choice, if their parents agreed to it, not to allow forced marriage.
Na;aste ji.......i
It is ironic how in the name of liberalism, liberals who claim to be torch bearers of women emancipation ends up supporting such cultural malpractices in the name of "minority rights".
.
Agreed! Women have just as much of a right to decide WHAT their own 'cultural practices' should be.
i'm all for accepting cultural differences, but not when it means hurting women and children
21 legal age, at least then school could be finished. Also we as a society need to make sure the woman is not being forced into the marriage.
this is horrible. This happens everywhere. In India, though it has been subdued quite considerably, girls [and boys, though not as much as girls] at the age of as young as 4 have been married. They have been 'signed off' for marriage at childbirth. This is horrific, truly, and it burns my heart to hear that your sister was killed by her own father based on his 'honor'. Your mother also did nothing to stop this.
Her sister came to police numerous times and asked what you can do for me? Heartbreaking💔
@Christigoth yes she handed in letters naming those who plotted to kill her and numerous times called them including a time she escaped from her father in his attempt to get her so drunk, and when the officer found her she said she was making it up and was hysterical. Even when murdered, it was only when her boyfriend reported her missing did they do something. It took her murder for her to get justice, her boyfriend committed suicide afterwards.
@Christigoth There’s a documentary done that explains Banaz’s story
Barbaric. Shocking. Incredibly moving Ted Talk. Payzee, I'm so sorry. I have no words to console you. Only hope for your brighter future.
I watched this expecting it to have been released years ago only to see it was released 10 months ago. I feel like society these days thinks these sorts of problems don’t happen anymore but its disgustingly clear that they do.
How brave is she! It’s incredible that such things still exist, this speech should be spread
Not that “such things still exist,” but that they are so pervasive!
Such a tragedy for you, causing you lifelong trauma.
Leagallity to be a childmolester excepted in many countrys and many religions and cultures and no respector of money. Although I was told many do it because of their familys lack of money.Oct 5 2020
@@bonniestull4760 religion plays a huge role. Child’s marriage is still legal in most US states.
@@b-dub6865 that is so sad... Why is it not illegal ??
Banaz's death is really heartbreaking. but her death gives her sister courage. I'm happy that Payzee is doing well now.
I remember seeing a documentary about her sister. I'm glad she didn't suffer the same fate, and that she has a platform to shine light on this issue
OF COURSE no one will question a married 16 year old or even 10 year old otherwise they will be labeled as RACISTS. People should be BRAVE and outspoken.
Love,
Rocky from Iraq
And lose their jobs.
@@qwmx unfortunately ... you're right.
Rahmat Sulemani, Banaz her boyfriend committed suicide a decade after Banaz was brutally murdered. He never found love again.
There are no winners in this story.
Thank you for writing this; I was going to comment if no-one else had. I found this so incredibly sad. That poor man. All of them. Just awful.
And this is why feminism needs to exist. It’s not just third world countries this is happening in.
Err... but the practice originated and came over from said countries?
@@Rootofasphodel EXACTLY! You cannot get this idea through some people's skulls that defending multiculturalism, isn't a virtue. Some things are bad in a culture and should be stopped for the sake of humanity.
@@Rootofasphodel AMEN-same as in America. Many, many cultures, for example, in NYC, and they kept many of their religious and cultral traditions..BUT they want to be American first and foremost, and they did not demand that other cultures bow down to them! Think of all the great ethnic neighborhoods, restaurants, bakeries, etc...they made and served what was their home country food, but were AMERICANS and proud of it.
The people who bring this practice ARE from third world countries tho...Iraqis aren’t native to England you dolt.
@@angelfree5384 Not sure if this silly remark is aimed at me, but first, thanks for the affirming name-calling that your ilk is fond of. Next, I'm well aware of where these people are from. The argument is that many liberals, et. al. support multiculturalism to the nth degree. Funny how USA women scream and riot over how awful they are treated, yet turn a blind eye to these horrible practices and abuses of women by Arab and Islamic countries and cultures.
if the people who raised you sacrifice you for their own gain, they have no right in calling themselves parents
Never underestimate strength of a woman who fights her own battles. She is a warrior !!
And they say forced marriages or child marriages or loveless marriages have low divorce rates. I hope you can see it is not true. They aren't divorced but they are hopeless, they want out but their society doesn't allow one or both parties to opt out that's all.
Rip Banaz. Thanks for speaking up miss hope you have a nice life going forward.
I agree. Unfortunately many do not get out and some get out through honour killings or suicide. It's such an archaic, twisted practice as well as the mutilation that happens even younger to keep women chaste or from exploring. She is such a brave woman. RIP Banaz
Not like that,my Christian brother.The problem with her family and her was that they were muslims by name not really by heart.Prophet(SAW) have meant that that the worst of you are the ones who hit their wives.Also killing an innocent is a major sin in islam.Tge thing is,marriage without the WILLINGNESS,OR CONSENT of both the girl and the boy is HARAM.Also,when someone comes to our house to propose to us,we have to talk to each other to understand each other and see in what what of them both they find attractive The problem is that a lot of muslims don't really know about the real way of how things should be done in an islamic way,instead they take their dignity and status as greater than their religion,and ignore the commandments of Allah and his apostle (peace be upon him).Just typing this because i don't want you to misunserstand islam because if a so called muslim family.
@@zedscopy293 may Allah bless you for writing this, no one should use religion to « justify » these horrible acts, religion says the opposite
"Child marriage must become a crime." I couldn't agree more. 🙏🙏🙏
Well done Payzee I am glad that you are safe. As a Kurdish woman I am incredibly proud of you
The father is to blame who failed to serve as a shepard to his daughters and family. He should have protected his family from his community and got the police involved if they didnt back off. Such a tragedy but good this story has been shared and hopefully many people can be saved from this. Communication is a basic requirement for human interaction and for relationships to flourish but this was lacking from the start which led to disaster. A big shame how culture overtakes commensense. Peace and love to all
@rb5286 I don't think that for example USA has anywhere to deport all those fundamental Christians to. Also that way the child marriages would be still happening, just in the other part of the world. It doesn't solve the problem. When there are children in the UK they can be protected by the local law, when they are in areas with less protective laws it's more difficult.
@@tymondabrowski12 I guess they can deport them to the UK, where they probably ancestrally originated from. Replace the UK's Muslim child marriage problem with the much more palatable Christian child marriage problem.
“Christian child marrige?”
That’s not a thing.
Cults, sure. Mormons, maybe.
But there’s no child marrige in Christianity.
@@lf206 nothing to do with Christianity per se. It's all over the world, found in many cultures thoughout religions and communities even though they might be Christian find no fault in it. "When cultural habits are not questioned... ", and there are just 3 states in the US, who outlaw child marriage.
@@alexpond648
I know it’s all over world.
It’s so true that these things continue when they’re ignored, such a shame when we turn a blind eye to what’s going on in our own communities.
I didn’t know the specifics of state laws in the US, however, regardless of what America allows or not, to that has nothing to do which what Christianity teaches.
The USA doesn’t equal Christian.
It needs to be shut down and treated as the same crime as human trafficking. Thank you for your bravery.
i want to give her a hug. this woman is so strong for coming up there like she did and speaking out about this critical issue. much respect to payzee. my prayers go out to her sister as well. this NEVER should have happened to them.
I'm so glad she's speaking out and bringing awareness to horrible treatment that must stop.
FGM is very sad, as it takes away a part of her womanhood. The woman who speaks is brave. I’m sorry that she went through that.
What is FGM??
@@user-eo2ye4wo6w Female gential mutilation.
It is sad, but they are still very much whole women. No one can take away their womanhood.
"How can you help me??" her deeply desperate question to the policeman just days before being brutally murdered, still pierce my heart.. that was Banaz's plea to the whole of humanity after living in constant fear for years.. No one could save her..😢
Selling your children isn’t honour, IT’S SHAME!
Lots of missed opportunities by professionals who were in a position to protect her. How could they ever thought any of this was ok? Call it out.
I know, I was wondering the same thing?? Like it's the UK for heaven's sake
Gigi Sauce Of course her parents are the guilty ones, but anyone who happens to see a child that it’s happening to should obviously do something!
@@fromspace7 They're not allowed to! The very authorities who should be protecting these kids have their hands tied by the "liberal" left, respect other cultures and all that rubbish! That's what you call "displaced tolerance"....and the little kids of these monsters are the ones who beg the authorities for help and are left to suffer in the name of tolerance.
Thank you Payzee for sharing your story. I remember your sisters case, and just crying and crying for what happened to her, what your cousins did to her really shook me and I have never felt so angry and disturbed at any crime reported in England. You are incredibly brave, and I am sorry that you and your sisters had to grow up in this envioronment and no one in authority was willing to question and help you. I agree, no one at age 16 is ready for marriage and the fact that "honor killings" exist at this stage in human history is a shame to the whole human race.
I wish you and your sisters a peaceful and happy life.
I went to school with Benaz and I remember your older sisters too. I was lucky enough to call Benaz a friend during my school years. She was one of the kindest people I’ve ever met.
I know the story of your older sister, Banaz. I am so sorry for your loss - for the torment the female children in your family endured. I'm so sorry the system failed you and her and your other sister. It breaks my heart. You have the love and support of this stranger, for what that's worth.
She lost her family. The family should have protected her.
@greenviolets1 I am not an expert in Islam. If this is true, this law destroyed a family. This cause extreme mental health issues and even he sister is no longer living. Her father is in jail. This family endured so much pain because of this belief.
@@fleurs1234 after his jail time he should be deported from Britain.
That bedsheet bit made me feel sick how can parents do this it's unfathomable. I'm Asian pakistani by the way so I do know this happens in my community but it still feels incredulous too me
Aaisha Naz do you have the authority to speak out against it in some way?
⁰
Your silence is violence, speak out and tell the members of your community to stop.
@@angelfree5384 If it is common in her community, community leaders already are aware. Sometimes silence is survival or maybe you have never been in a bad situation before.
I don't know anyone who this has personally happened too I know it happens but I don't know every pakistani in the world sorry. And if I knew of something like that happening I'd deffo call the police.
Well that made me cry, feel ashamed and angry. Brave, selfless and incredible woman.
Every teacher, social worker, medical worker and police officer failed her and her sister. That’s horrible. Every child should get a childhood and an education.
Omg her sister is Banaz? I heard about her death in a documentary...terrible
huh
As mother of a daughter this is unfathomable to me. I would die before I'd let someone hurt my daughter. I'm so sorry this happened to you love, you are so brave and deserve the best. I hope your life from here on out is full of love, light, and purpose. ❤
You are a great mother💖
We need more people like you
bless
That don't see this as hurting their child sad but true. I am muslim and I would never allow this with my kids sons or daughters. Mostly no discrimination but this happens usually with non educated parents. My family made me finish college first. a guy around my age when I was 17 ask to marry me once I turn 18 he would have been 19 my parents said I have no daughters for marriage my daughters need an education. they do not understand marriage.
I don't know if you caught it, but she was also subjected to FGM as a child. The mother had everything to do with that.
"Honor". I feel like that kinda behavior is exactly opposite of any kind of honor.
My stomach dropped. This is a nightmare!!
"The onus should never be on the child, to have to speak out in order to get protection from child marriage."
Government should pass laws that child marriages should not be allowed 🙏🏼
Even if parents consent it should be illegal!
government should also pass laws that crime is illegal
either way, people will ignore those laws
its sad where my mom is from a middle eastern country Palestine ay girl under the age of 18 is not allowed to be legally married and the marriage be recorded in the court doesn't mean its not done secretly but its illegal now
Breaks my heart. Cant believe this goes on its absolutely shocking. What a beautiful eloquent lady. So sad for her sister.
Rip Banaz well done to Payzee for speaking out.
First person who should have protected her Didnt. Her Mother.
And her father. No sexism please.
Absolutely but not only did her mother not protect them, it's apparent that she was very aware that there was a plot to murder her sister. She did nothing.
Her mother was probably a victim of the very same treatment. Her father on the other hand, was in a position of greater power. Shame on him for putting his very OWN children through this absolutely cruel treatment. It fails to amaze me that educated men living in the 20th century still don't treat their wife and daughters right.
The mother had five kids, who protected her, she did not know any way out..
@@dishaaadiyaajit4888 wouldn't that make you NOT want to do this to your daughter? And even the nurse blames her?! Ugh so despicable
Wow! I remember seeing her sister’s tragic story. Had no idea this was her sister until she started sharing. It breaks my heart so much! This “culture” needs to die!
She's so beautiful. How would someone in their right senses intentionally hurt their child? May all who've experienced FGM find healing and peace
Yes Payzee, I understand. Though not forced into marriage , the father who doted on me when I was a child and whom I adored resented me when I grew up and gave away my share of inheritance to my brothers. We are modern educated women betrayed by our own parents so we all need to have a plan of action world wide. It' is our father's who are our enemies. The husbands only take advantage of us because we are made vulnerable by our own fathers.
G
This is so sad. Even though old patriarchal structures have been worn away in the west...there's something weird that happens when a girl reaches puberty and develops into a woman. It's like fathers become resentful or they forget that they are actually raising women not toys. I wonder why.
Bible say our enemy not flesh n blood
Ephesians 6:12
[12]For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places.
I lived with an egalitarian (equal partnership) nomadic tribe ( a culture considered to be between forty thousand and seven thousand years old) for a year of my life and they had never heard of the war of the sexes, when i told them about patriarchy and the things that happened in our world they couldn't understand it although they had seen it in the four thousand year old head hunting tribes that lived around them. I think its so vital for us to understand that there is nothing wrong with men there is something deeply wrong with the way we bring men and women up and teach them these vicious social constructs that lead to femicide and abuse of women, children, boys and men. It is not the natural order, we need to reorganise our society. Now.
So sad, how heart breaking .a loving Mum and Dad suddenly changing towards you. Not understanding why, it must have been so painful and lonely. I'm sorry for your pain.x
OMG THE PAIN THESE BABIES WENT THROUGH...😭
WHY DID NATURE allow us to get pregnant SO YOUNG.😭😭😭
That's not the point. Being forced to get pregnant is wrong. At all ages.
@Christigoth
Thinking about having a baby and having one a two very different things. Also the basis for having a baby should be a loving and stable partnership which is very rare at such a young age.
Because nature is our enemy too.
Yes END CHILD MARRIAGE IN EVERY PART OF THE WORLD!!!!
Amen
It breaks my heart to know that girls my age are struggling with abusive families who fail them, and adults who are to scared to ask questions. I am truly sorry for what you had to go through, but I am thankful for your courage to go up on a stage in front of millions of people to tell them your story. I am thankful that you made me aware of the dangers some girls my age must fight, and I am thankful that you are strong enough to help make people aware of the insiders view. Helping people understand what happens behind the curtains is the only way to encourage them to actually do something about the situation. I cannot express how thankful I am for your courage and bravery.
My grandparents lived this reality. I'm 20 now and so proud to be going into university
Totally disgusted with that nurse and all her teachers and of course parents that do not protect their daughters
Can we commend for a second how she executed this? Her professional approach at something this intense is admirable. On top of that the language used definitely hits the sense of sympathy people would have. It’s like a perfect proportion of emotional and factual with a lot of insights. I hope she hasn’t stopped spreading this story
I hate how some people say “it’s culture” like that’s gonna excuse child abuse🙄
Child Marriage happens everywhere, to young girls and young boys. Most of the time it's done because of culture and economically purposes. The actual factor in most countries is poverty and lack of education.
I still don't know why it's not talked about enough, millions of kids die because of all the side effects (to put it that way) child marriage has.
Can I just please thank you for mentioning the fact that it's culture not religion? ik it's a small detail but still. And yeah it definitely needs to be talk about more
Agreed that poverty and lack of education are big factors - but Payzee's family doesn't appear to have been particularly poor and they appear to have been profoundly resistant to new ideas.
It’s overwhelmingly affecting girls but thanks for trying to make it look equally distributed.
@@zayna8517 Culture and religion are linked. Muhammad (the perfect human according to Islam) married a child. Therefore in Islam it is perfectly acceptable to marry a child. Don't pretend like Islam doesn't condone child marriage.
@@daniellemeyer8568 And religion and culture are linked, but they are not synonymous. Religion influences culture, but it doesnt always reflect the same values.
My family is a mainstream Christian religion and my auntie got married at 15 in the 1960s because my grandparents were afraid she'd get pregnant out of wedlock since she was a 'wild child'. In hind sight, she was probably using marriage to escape her abusive father. Child marriage comes in all colours, religions and socioeconomic backgrounds. Don't turn a blind eye, speak up and stop this from happening again.
@Claudia Maigret it happened in europe for centuries but then we grew up and stopped this abusive practice
@Something Someone not todatys islam
I am still shocked at how many child marriages there are in the US. There are certainly situations of 'young love' and I can understand that - which is why many states have 'parental consent' as the only restraint. But there needs to be some way to ensure the people getting married are doing it because it is what they want, not something they are being forced into.
@Claudia Maigret just going to say this, as somebody who originated from a European country in which honour based violence does occur often enough that it is a problem, it has absolutely nothing to do with religion and everything to do with misogyny which permeates every culture on Earth, I suggest you reevaluate your statement as all it is doing is promoting misinformation and encouraging discrimination against those of the Muslim community.
Lex Traja I thinks that my original comment referring to being a mainstream Christian in a western country discredits that belief.
I stand with you, dear warrior, I stand with you! ✊🏿✊🏿
Biggest respect for Payzee. To do a Ted talk about her life is so courageous and incredible. I wish her the very best for the future.
I remember hearing about Banaz’ story. This young lady is so incredibly brave.
Thank you for standing against this horrible injustice- it should never happen anywhere ever EVER
😊
Are you on Twitter
Made me cry. Prayers for you sister. and all in your situation. Thank you for speaking
You and your sister are among some of the bravest women I have ever heard about. Thank you for bringing this to light. You and your sister will be in my prayers.