Detecting a Fake Smile | Why is Faking a Smile Harmful?
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- čas přidán 8. 03. 2020
- This video answers the questions: How can someone detect a fake smile? Is faking a smile good for one’s mental health? Who tends to put on a fake smile? Support Dr. Grande on Patreon: / drgrande
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A person who is suffering with anxiety or sadness might go around with a fake smile to put people at ease and not trouble them...or to keep them from asking " What's wrong?"
Yeah, i think this kind of fake smiles are far more common. Dr Grande is wrong on this one, im very certain this type of masking anxiety, stress or sadness fake smiles are the most usual ones.
Yes I'm so suprised this wasnt mentioned, I've faked smiled many times to mask sadness because I wanted a loved one to enjoy their happy moment. Was there no photo of a "sad smile"?
Chris Willis 💕
My mother told me when I was young that if I didn't try to smile I looked angry -- even when I really wasn't. These days that's called "resting bitch face." She encouraged me to work at looking more pleasant so that I didn't make people ill at ease. By now it's a habit; no sinister intention intended.
I can relate
I hate smiling when someone says "Say cheese."....and then it takes them forever to take the picture.
I'm even worse than that. Pointing a camera at me makes me feel as uncomfortable as if someone was pointing a weapon at me instead. (I don't like it when people point at me with their fingers, either :D ).
They tell me to smile for the picture so I do, then they say "no, a REAL smile" and I really can't smile *more* so I say "I'm smiling as much as I can".....then everybody just feels bad about it
Those people need to lose their group camera privileges.
Having the photographer say something a little zany can help with smiles.. but if your anything like me... in the odd occasion that's happened to me.. I laugh or smile too large & it's a great photo of my teeth & gums 😂
@@robertruge2916 agreed. hands down the best!
I get tired of people telling me I need to smile.
CJ Zanders ♥️♥️♥️♥️ me too
That happens to me a lot, too. I "suffer" from Resting Bitchy Face. But I have also been told that I have a very authentic laugh.... and that I am prettier when I smile.
Same
@Spring Lemon
Good answer. Maybe I can remember to use that.
I smile for a living so there must be a difference between my professional smile and my unconditional smile. My conditioned smile is very convincing and I can't tell the difference my self. I always mean it.
Masking in autism can also make people feel that they have to fake smile, but that doesn't mean the person has a bad intention, they just want to fit in/seem "normal".
I dont know if it's ASD but I have social problems and I instinctively start smiling whenever I talk to people but it isn't conscious and Im not sure it's necessarily fake because I cant control it. It doesnt come from happiness though because Im usually really uncomfortable
@@belindapaul9828 I have social anxiety so I think I just picked it up along the way while my brain came up with all its masking stuff 🤪
I know masking is typical of ASD but Im not totally convinced I actually have it yet. Unless Im just so good at masking I fool myself too
So true! I'm faking smiling since childhood. With calculated time for how long my smile should slowly go away, with moving the lower eyelid up, etc. I've found out that a "light smile" paired with a very friendly voice that sounds like I'm smiling in full is liked more by my customers than just smiling in full. It somehow makes me appear more professional and put together. Just a little info for my fellow ASD people.
I must be the exception bc I tend towards men who smile; but they also tend to have very nice smiles; and even excellent teeth (that sounds so weird) I dated someone in college who had a front tooth that was greyish-I remember he still smiled a lot. Although yes more than likely I am the exception. I usually am when it comes to men it seems.
Ramadon Steve it’s not unusual to smile when nervous I used to get yelled at by authorities for smiling when I was in trouble. “What are you grimesing at!” Adults would take my nerves as mocking
I was in retail for 30 years and a Receptionist for 10. I could “smize” like nobody else, eyes, mouth, the whole bit, every time. If everyone has a talent, that was mine. Exhausting? OMG. I cannot tell you how much that line from Rocky Horror Picture Show was me: “Smiling makes my face Ache” unfortunately, you can’t soak your face in water after a long day of being the Happiest Person in the World. I think I permanently damaged my jaw...
I realized how exhausting it was for me when I worked in security years ago. When I worked in a lobby of an office building with a lot of people coming in and out, I found it very, very difficult and would quickly become exhausted to the point that I couldn't do the job any longer. So I took another post with the same company doing a job that was more patrol related which required a lot of walking and general patrol duties. Curious thing, I could walk for hours and hours and deal with people in spurts but it never left me as exhausted as when I had to work in a lobby greeting people all day. I believe some people are more natural than others but I didn't realize it left the "naturals" exhausted too.
dirkdiggler404 it is. Even if it’s your nature, and it’s mine , to be the glass 3/4 full life of the party happy person, having to keep that up for a 10 hour shift, 5 days a week drained me. It did have a negative effect on my physical health. And to make it look real! I think I was lucky to be able to pull it off so well, be sometimes it caused so much stress, especially in certain uncomfortable situations where I would normally want to clock someone, like if they were being a misogynist, or hitting on me, or being racist, or a homophobic prick or a narcissistic creep, etc. If you wanted to keep your job, you smiled and shut your mouth. Now I’m retired and don’t give a 💩. And as a woman, if someone told me to “smile, you’ll look nicer” I would click them.
Me too. It was like acting. You walk through the door, put on your fake smile and go to work. Of course my husband had to deal with my leftover stress at the end of the day. He's an angel!
It would be nice if companies treated their employees better so that they actually felt like smiling.
@victoria zabaras But Joe Biden.
He likes ice cream and released feet pics.
He will even check your children's hair for lice.
That's 4 reasons more then Bernie.
@Sapphire Sky That's why I work for myself now.
This seems the obvious way to have the best if both worlds: hire naturally happy people and have work in a fun and relaxed environment.
If all you have to frown about is being unhappy at work, you're doing just fine.
@@smittysmeee Work is where you spend 2/3 of your day. So yeah, it's important.
I used to smile all the time in public settings. Fake smiles for me, was a defense mechanism for masking emotional pain.
As a child, I knew someone who used to fake a smile when they were threatening someone. So, I've usually associated a fake smile with hostility. Another thing is I read from self-help gurus that one should smile if one feels down and that will release the same chemicals as being happy. It's never worked for me, I just feel like I'm straining my face. Maybe I'm not holding it long enough but it feels inauthentic.
Agreed, I noticed that as well, fake smiles can be a warning that someone is a imminent threat to your person, requiring an immediate response. At the very least, I regard them as a sign that someone is suspect.
@Kasia There are some self-help gurus who I reasonate with and some I thought were okay then turned out to be jerks. Like Tony Robbins, I used to think he was okay but then his response to the MeToo movement was incongruent with everything I thought he was teaching. He systematically threw out 50% of his fanbase by belittling women's feelings. It was a stupid move on his part because he was saying 'Only men are meant to follow my advice. ei. No girls in the treehouse'.
@Heliotail0007 The smile tactic is used to physiologically disarm someone. To put them at ease in order for the predator to pounce.
I love that kind of fake smile and I hope my recipient does too. I'll ask him how he likes it.
"if you're lonely just cuddle a blanket, it reduces oxytocin" type logic lmao. anything those gurus post on yt is jumbo and I'd be skeptical to take any of their stats as facts without simply googling it myself
The smile I hate is the smug smile!
That's the arrogant smile. Some people have that kind of smile permanently plastered on their faces whether they're trying to smile or not. Creepy and infuriating.
Sadly, that one is an authentic smile.
😏
Smug smiles can have you feeling like wiping the smug shit right off their face.. eh 🙄
Try not looking at them.
The “I hate you” smile: eyes are narrowed slits, chin tilted upwards (looking down on you). This comes from a place of envy or contempt. Seen this many times from certain relatives I prefer to avoid.
This reminds me of how women are always told to smile more. This infuriates me. Wanting to smile produces an ear to ear genuine grin, as opposed to a glare. Thank you so much for this video.
What makes you think men aren't asked to smile?
@chris *Literally nobody said men weren't asked that. Gail was talking about how **_women_** are SO OFTEN asked or even told that they need to smile more, or they'd be prettier if they smiled more. And that is straight facts! Its annoying and demeaning! It also **_does not_** take away from the possibility that some men may be treated the same way. But Gail was referring to women; women are the main subject of her comment. If you want to state how that same issue is an issue for either yourself or other men, perhaps you should make a comment stating that?*
*I should have specified, that perhaps you should make a **_separate_** comment stating that.*
@@Griselda_Puppy Lol you b*tiching about people telling you to smile more is rich when you are literally fake smiling in your pfp with pounds and pounds of makeup on.
@@Tele999zzz They might, but it's an automatic go to for lots of guys when they approach a woman.
The disgusted smile is my standard expression.
Great video!
A variety of opinions:
1. I'm really interested in this topic and facial expressions in general. I'd been a photographer for a number of years and with the intention of improving my photography, I'd actually spent quite awhile reading books and blogs (Paul Ekman, Mark Bowden, etc) about facial expressions. I thought being better able to detect (and hence capture) those expressions flashing onto persons' faces would allow for more interesting and engaging photographs. I'd say that's been true. But unexpectedly the skill at recognising genuine smiles accidentally made me a happier person too! For one, I started becoming aware of myself when I was the one faking politeness toward others. Over time that then allowed me to become (I'd like to believe!) more authentic. Secondly, it allowed me to access greater levels of empathy; I became better at detecting when friends or family were trying to hide negative feelings and it allowed us to have proper conversations to address issues sooner. I think that has lead to stronger connections which I am so grateful for.
2. I agree with your distaste for employers forcing employees to 'smile' and fake their feelings. I tend to prefer the Richard Branson approach, "Take care of your employees and they'll take care of your business." Creating an environment in which employees feel genuinely comfortable and satisfied in their work I think would organically cultivate those positive feelings which they'll then express to the business' customers. I wish more employers thought that way.
3. I've commented this many times by now, but thanks so much for this channel and all of the time and effort that goes into your videos.
10:30 - "fake smiles are emotionally draining to maintain, associated with mental and physical health problems, exhaustion, aggression and burnout." I can confirm this was true for me last year. I went through a period of about 4 months trying to maintain "perfect good girl" appearance always positive, always kind, always smiling. People would ask me how I'm always so positive and always able to smile even in very stressful situations. Little did they know I would come home and cry basically for no reason. I was so depressed, exhausted and probably going through a burn-out. Until one moment I just stopped feeling anything... anything at all. I was completely numb to feelings and didn't care about anything at all anymore. I think this was my body's/mind's way of protecting me. I've been feeling a lot more normal and stable without having to fake happiness and a smile to the whole world and that is a huge weight off my shoulders. Never realized that fake positive/fake happy facade/fake smiling could have such huge consequences on a person.
thnx
Fake smiles can happen by depression
Or fake smiles can be like they don't like you but fake smile. To not afend you
And that is why I left my last job 🤣 they were so fake and backstabbers to each other! All women . almost had a nervous breakdown.
Hmm, the "disgusted fake" and "angry fake" smiles remind me of my mom -- that isn't good, is it?
Liz L - I think you know the answer to this. I wouldn’t worry about it that much.
My mother used to look sad but smile upwards feigning concern. She just looked like a sad clown to me.
Mother's condescending smile punctuates her sentences, instead of saying "please".
It is what it is. Don't worry about it. Best wishes.
Those pictures made also me think about some people. Haven't thought about it this way before, it was revealing.
This is fascinating to me. Four and a half years ago, when my ex-wife and I separated, I was moving out of our house and saw our wedding picture on our left-over thank you cards. The picture was from almost a decade beforehand. At my next therapy appointment, I told my therapist that I noticed my wife's "eyes weren't smiling" in the picture. She definitely wasn't forced to smile, but it explained a lot as to why our relationship turned out the way it did. Learning this has scientific backing is validating. Thanks for the info, Doc!
Didnt you see that while dating ?
@Supreme Frequencies No. She didn't. We met when we were in our early 20s.
@@lamidom There were a few red flags which I ignored due to my own issues. No major issues arose until about two months before the wedding, but by then I didn't want to call it off. I seriously considered it and stressed about it, but I wanted to be a man of my word, I loved her, we had a lot invested, etc.
My Parents wedding pitchure. My mum didn't smile. She told me was because she had like 50 people say smile smile over here look over here no look her. So she stop smiling.
But they won't solut apart they have too much in common and Everything went well nothing went wrong. They made for each other
Very interesting video! One way I know I’m depressed is how much effort it takes to smile.
I used to smile a lot. It was a genuine smile too. The odd thing is that some jerks comment "why are you laughing?" Then I stopped smiling as much. Looking back, I wish I never listened to them. As for fake smiles, I didn't realize how bad I am at reading them..
A similar thing happened to me. I remember I was in high school and it was the first time some one asked why I smiled all the time. That was it, I immediately stopped smiling very often. I've recently been trying to get back into it by thinking of things throughout the day that make me smile. I hope you too can return to your old smile habit!
Thanks Dr Grande!
Fake smiling from waiting/ service staff makes me feel uneasy sometimes even sad for them! I also dislike how staff are forced to push goods you didn't ask for... like fries with that or while getting fuel "would you like gum" etc & the if I'm busy & time restricted, I I appear a little impatient, I often have said.. Sorry, you're made to do that or your boss sucks for imposing that!
Imagine having to say that to every fuel purchase & then with a smile... the staffer could probably do with some positive energy 😊
food for thought...
One of the cruelest things my ex did was force me to smile.
Glad he's your ex. That shit just wouldn't work at all for me.
My mother did that as well.
I could tell cruelty stories for weeks, months maybe even. My dad did this to us as kids, painful family picture sessions, one of them (puberty misery) I had been crying, eyes all red and swollen. Fake smile, picture went up to remind me what a "little bitch" I was.
Okay, no need to be so dour about it. Just smile.
@@kathrinjohnson2582 I know right
I fake smile when I'm nervous or sad just so that I don't make people feel uncomfortable by showing them my true feelings. It is very draining. I need to stop 😕
I fake smile.
To not be asked Are you ok?
Not like fake smile because Really deep dawn hate person.
I faked laughed when my friend finds something funny and I don't.. so I laugh..
But sometimes it be real laughs.
I feel like going to talk so someone they wouldn't care hoe I feel or help. Or act like they care but really don't. I feel like talking about it woudj t help or make me feel better. All because got that out never felt better ever. Just feels normal. And sad. And whatever.
And feel like telling my parents That found out I have depression and how I really feel (witch some things can't ever tell them) feel like they just be like your not hard done. Uh your fine. Even tho mabye no true
You feel the same? A bit?
I smile when I'm in trouble, and it's automatic, as I'm autistic..it's got me in a whole lot of trouble with people thinking I'm mocking them and responses from broken bones to socio economic apartheid. Where as I've often been taken in by fake smiling, thinking that people are friendly and like me but actually hate and exploitation is the naked motive.
Thank you for sharing... hugs.
I do that too! Especially when accused of lying I will either smile involuntarily or laugh. (I hate it because then it looks like I AM lying because of my weird response) 😔
lol My daughter (undiagnosed) has always done that and I used to get so angry! I was raised by narcissists so I really had trouble with this. I assumed that she was mocking me, unfortunately. Now that she's older I understand but it took a lot of conversation and listening on my part to get to where we are.
I'm a Swedish woman who moved to the USA in my twenties. Time after time I was told to smile. I found it so appalling that people were supposed to walk around with fake smiles all the time. People would ask me if I was unhappy because I was not smiling. But I was perfectly happy until they asked me to smile.
yeah it makes americans unhappy too :(
I have an extended family member (a millennial) who has mastered the art of the fake smile. In her case it's a result of malignant narcissism. I think she is deeply troubled. It's the persona she presents to the world, and its constant. I would never want to look below the surface as I wouldn't want to see what's there.
I know her too. Frightening.
I realize that my ex did often have fake smiles. When I saw the comparison here I realized why I often did feel that there was something wrong when she smiled. It was often unhappy smiles.
Well, sometimes you’ve got to fake it till you make it.
#this
Dirty Hippie True. This is how I’ve survived my way out of addiction in recovery for a long time. If your actually working on yourself then fake it till you make it is a useful tool. Otherwise no. Just no.
There have been studies done that indicate that flight attendants are at the higher end of risk of the negative effects of emotional labour, which I believe is in part connected to how this (while changing, yet) has traditionally been a women's position. Women are under so much pressure to smile. While it is sloooowly changing, it's still infuriatingly common for men to tell women to smile. I've never responded in what these men would consider well - but very well for me - they certainly don't get a smile!
Dr. Grande - please say something about smiling without showing teeth. That's how I smile. Growing up, I learned to hide emotions and I became highly ashamed of seeing my teeth in photos (even though there's nothing to be ashamed about). To this day (in my 50s), showing my teeth feels terribly awkward. Some say such smiling is fake. I note that all of your fake examples involve showing teeth.
While I do enjoy my interaction with a cashier or other person on the job more when they seem genuinely happy, when they fake it too much it makes me feel icky. You can tell when someone is attentive to you and helpful even if they don't smile.
That said, I work in hospitality and it's a weird thing to have trained myself to actually be happy so the smile is genuine when I see customers and clients - even when I know they are difficult. I now look at it as an exciting challenge to enrich their day. Sick in some ways maybe.
This topic hit home for me so hard. I was in a business for 15 years where I had to fake a smile all day every day (I worked with idiotic clients and damn annoying children). I even had to fake a perky sounding voice, and stupid body and head gestures, or the owner of the place would accuse me of being moody. I played a character all day every day, and there was never a director to yell "cut!" This was absolutely exhausting. I fell into deep depression. I started abusing alcohol and nicotine to a disgusting level. I hated life so much. When I changed jobs, I used the fake smile and stupid voice to get the job, but would gradually work away from it as I established my value as a hard worker. In every case, I was eventually fired for making others uncomfortable, or having a poor attitude. These were not jobs that interacted with the public, but private construction companies. I did not have to speak to clients, just work hard for my crew. Yet, I still was fired for my hard working and stoic attitude.
I am now out of the habit of faking this smile and perky persona, and I'm not quite sure how to create it again, but I need to be able to do so to hold down a job.
I don't smile naturally. I am a very content person, I really love my life, and I have many moments of extreme happiness. However, my face does not smile on its own. I practice in the mirror on a regular basis. I study videos like this one. I practice my smiley persona on loved ones (they are usually creeped out). I just can't do it anymore. How do I relearn how to fake the perky character convincingly so I can get and keep a job on a construction team? How do I do this without falling down the hole of exhaustion and depression that I did before? This whole "always smile" culture is so difficult for people who are naturally rather stoic.
Thanks for the video. I will watch many more times for pointers.
I find being able to do some “acting” or “fake smiling” has really helped me professionally. Partially because when I deal with people in the short term, I would rather have the interaction be positive regardless of what is going on with me internally. Maybe because I have a history of bi-polar and anxiety disorder, and I feel like my mood is not a stranger’s business and I don’t want it to affect my work.
That’s interesting I noticed thisnjn my own life as well; when I decided to smile at someone because it was kind not because I wasn’t depressed or had anxiety. It actually changed my entire day bc the person responded so well, it surprised me
Very interesting way of looking at it. I don't have a profession, however, partially due to eating disorders, cPTSD, and spinal health issues (so many courtesy of narc Mom's side of the family, but some due to enabler Dad's, as well). But I think when my persistent/chronic pain isn't raging, I would find this approach helpful, too.
Hi CelloAfterDark, for some reason my Dad's best friend was bipolar and 2 of my 3 close friends are too. They're just smarter than I and more competent and we have great interactions and usually in winter everybody closes down and we're all lonely together. One of my friends is a concert organist; the other a cellist; I play celtic harp. Music helps. I have chronic anxiety …. this is starting to make me feel like laughing a bit; all this talent!!!!
I also need to create smiles so I don't appear to be grumpy or angry. And appear to be friendly. Otherwise I really have a negative experience with humans. Like Cello, it has helped me to carry a smile on board.
I wonder .... are you “fake smiling” in your profile pic? 👀 .... Or Maybe... Even so, were you “fake smiling” while reading this comment of mine?
When people give me a fake smile, be they sales people, neighbors or random people in a social setting, I immediately distrust them and I'm on the defensive around them, no matter the reason why, nor how personable they act toward me. It's just a primal, instinctual response for me to avoid them once I see that forced grimace with their fangs bared and there ain't no turning back, Jack!
On the other hand, I worry that people with NPD or sales marketers will watch these videos to learn how to mimic a genuine smile via the physiological changes around the eyes & mouth so I cannot detect their deception!
Great stuff, Dr. Grande
“It’s easier to fake a smile than expressing your feelings”
True. I feel like talking to someone will do nothing.
I faked smile because my friend thought something was funny I didn't so fake smile anways. Somtimes I have done real laughs sometimes was fake.
Depression think can be cause to fake smile. Of that's what you do all the time.
I have a friend that I grew up with, in high school she started to adapt what she called her “cute” fake smile. Thirty years later and she uses that fake smile all the time, particularly for social media. She’s still a friend but I’m not going to lie, I do notice it and I do think it’s a tad odd.
Such an interesting topic, I never thought about this!
I also don’t like fake smiles, it is disconcerting specially for the person on the receiving end.
This was a great video, and your visuals are looking great! Your professionalism puts a smile on my face.😊
Hope you are getting some rest between all this hard work.
Thank you so much Dr. Grande for all that you do:)
Hello Dr. G. I am very grateful that you are investing the time and effort to bring us such informative videos. I am a fan!! I have been concerned for years for the wellbeing of Dr. Phil's guests. It has been a comfort to me that after he gets his ratings and money from the usefulness of his guests he at least seems to hand over these people to an objective professional.
I don't believe we should use people in distress to further our own agenda.
Thank you again Carey
Dr Todd Grande always answers so many of my plaguing questions about WTH I spent too many years with. So good to get solid answers.
Once again a great video. Thank you. Those who are in chronic pain use fake smiling to save themselves the added burden of the constant reactions of those around them. Dealing with the stupid crap that comes out of people's mouths is just one more burden the disabled dont need. Ive had caregivers (3 in the last 10 years) casually say " id kill myself if i had to live with your pain for decades" and then wonder why i fired them on the spot. Smiling is a social lubricant. It makes things easier.
Sometimes its just grace under pressure.
No wonder I feel drained after a week of working in the reception of the hotel I work at.
Fake smiles are often used to cover for another person's social gaffe. The downside is that the person is less likely to clue in to their own mistake and continue to alienate people in the future without realizing it.
Great topic, doc!
Can't fake smiles be to cover up how they actally feeling
And don't want to be asked are you ok?
And don't people fake smile because depression
Love this content! As a business owner and having staff that welcome new members, I do encourage them to rise from the desk- remove the desk as a barrier and shake their hand (before Covid of course) and to have a genuine smile and warmth that reaches their eyes. Smile- and you'll feel yourself uplifted and smiling for real. Perhaps its a southern thing- a social nicety- like not picking one's teeth in public. But the smile should be genuine. If you recognize the customer as someone coming in needing something that you can help with, and in turn they are taking care of you- what is there to NOT smile about. It's the lost art of genuine hospitality. So therefore the smiling is genuine and not fake- and thereby not exhausting but invigorating and catchy.
I grew up in the restaurant industry. Their business meant food on our table also. I learned to genuinely care for our customers. Many of them became fear friends. About fake smiles. Dealing with grief from a tragic death. Smiling combined with listing the many things I was sincerely grateful has helped me heal. I realize your video did not span that area. Not all fake smiles are incinere. It has taken persistence, practice and self compassion. After four years I am again smiling with joy for life again.
The thing I've missed most during this pandemic is seeing people smile. The masks cover up so much friendliness.
Cool topic. I wouldn't have ever thought of this one. Thanks Dr. Grande 🤩
Hey Dr Grande great video. There's also a vocal aspect to genuine smiling that interestingly enough gets even call centers pushing their employees to put on a fake neutral smile.
Took notes on that one. The two predators in my life I recall explicitly giving fake smiles before, sometimes during and after their abuse and manipulation. Although I'm not a doctor the two characters I was exposed to for 40 + years are probable NPD, BPD/ psychopathic traits and sociopathic with aspd traits.
As always, very interesting and particularly thought provoking topic.
I once moved from an area of the world with lots of fake smiles, to an area of the world where no one ever smiled--like never--as though it were illegal to smile. I have to say the rigidly non-smiling place was intensely jarring... and even more "ominous" feeling and off putting than the fake smiling region. So given the choice: I'll take fake-smiles over never-smiles. But ultimately Dr. Grande is right, as I'd prefer neither: some middleground, with genuine smiles is always the best.
Where was the non smiling country? As I grew up in the US midwest, where people are not very friendly, and are clannish, being in Germany in the 70s for 3 years were not disconcerting. There merchants and restrantuers only warmed up to regular customers, one's initial visits were not very welcoming. I have lived in northern CA for 33 years in a rural area and people are much friendlier here than in WI. I am thinking about a grand tour of the US in a year or two and it will be interesting to contrast and compare.
I find myself tipping extravagantly when Starbucks' window staff appreciate my very adorable, and very large, rescue shepherd mix in the copilot seat, even if it is fake:)
interesting factoid: in the southern hemisphere smiles start on the right side of the face.
By far one of the most interesting and novel topics on this channel. Thanks Dr. Grande.
Thanks, Dr. Grande, for breaking down the way people smile. Your analysis allowed me to think about smiling as a thing and not just something one takes for granted. Looking at this topic across cultures could yield some surprising findings. There is, for instance, a Chinese saying that means something approximating the term "fake smile." In English, one would say, "The eyes smile, but the heart does not." The idea of a heart, unsmiling, is fascinating, leaving me wondering, among other things, what an unsmiling heart would look like. Being a hidden internal organ, unlike the mouth/lips, an unsmiling cardiac muscle would very likely be harder to detect than those unsmiling external body parts, hence, a new smiling phenomenon -- the undetectable "fake smile."
Yes authenticty please. No camera abuse directly or indirectly 😆😀 Thank you Doc.
Great video Dr. Grande. Genuineness in my opinion always tops a fake smile! Thank you 💖
these egg ppl makin me uncomfortable tbh
BocaBop now that made me smile 😂😂😂
Thank you for making this video. Many people say if you don't greet them with a smile then it's a sign you're a selfish asshole and that needs to stop. Thank you for being brave enough to point out that socially acceptable (and socially expected) things can be harmful.
Forced smiles are more common in the US than here in Germany. When I was in the States back in the 80s, I didn' t like the fake smiles of the waitresses. As a student I worked as a waitress at state receptions at the City Hall of Berlin, this was also in the 80s. Once a guest from the US critisized me for not smiling. But I prefer genuine smiles and our manager didn't tell us to smile.
I've never thought about this before. Thanks for giving me something to ponder today.
I'm enjoying this new editing style you have. Looks real smooth.
Thank you so much for your in depth into narcissism...both my parents are and it’s such an informative look into why they are and lacking an empathy gene...thank you for making it so simple....
This is so true thank you Dr. Grande for this video. I worked many years as a front desk clerk at a hotel, and I was told to always smile. Always smile, It was draining and exhausting and it did effect me in all the ways you mentioned!
De. Grande changing the world for the better one video at a time. 💕
I’ve seen real smiles mask a person’s untrustworthiness. I’m thinking of when the smile is completely sincere, but the reason behind it is that the smiler is delighted in doing something cruel.
Fortunately it doesn’t happen often, but it exists.
I used to work at a big box store as a cashier, the frontline as we called it, and we were encouraged to make eye contact and smile. I don’t know how I looked when doing so, but it sometimes happened it was misinterpreted, maybe? and was seen as being flirtatious, or open to flirtation. I always felt this was my fault, and it was unsettling.
I smile easily, and it’s nice not to have to it unless it’s spontaneous.
Thank you for another interesting video. I learn so much from you!
I love it that u never smile Dr Grande. Its a mark of your sincerity.
If ever u smile I wont believe u. :))
I’ve been working in mental health for 9 years and I’ve missed a lot of the fake smiles. It’s alarming for me to look at some of the pictures and remember when people gave me those looks and our relationship now. I always enjoy how well you communicate these difficult subjects. Thank you
Your talking about the staff being fake, right? I worked in locked facilities too, some of the staff were horrible.
SAVE TRUMP yes the staff
As someone who suffers from bipolar disorder, I find myself forcing smiles often when I'm experiencing emotional distress during both episodes of mania and depression. I think I do it instictively to try reassure the people I care about regarding how I'm doing, I do recognise this probably isn't the healthiest behaviour as you say they are emotionally draining.
chronic pain folks have similar challenges.
Well 99% of people hate their jobs. If they were being authentic all the time, they would just quit.
EXACTLY!
People who are in love with life, doing what they love;
they have fire in their eyes, and that's so, so much more beautiful to see than a fake/compulsive/robotic smile.
Greasyspleen
Good point.
Imagine everyone walking grumpy in the morning 😂
Funny thought
Hate is a strong word. Furthermore, I'm not convinced that almost everybody hates their job. Some jobs can be crappy because you have a crappy boss, some jobs are crappy because they are very physically demanding or demanding in some other way, and some jobs involve working with crap. But there's also plenty of jobs out there that simply mundane or even relatively comfortable. Not that any job is perfect though. If it where, nobody would pay you to do it.
I have met many many people with mediocre or ok jobs that they don't hate. I hope you are ok.
this was super helpful & amazingly supports all my previous expectations amazing thank you everybody.
thank you
for the timelessness of this video file..
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Dr. Grande, I am a student studying philosophy at the undergraduate level but I am also a fan of psychology. I’m a big fan of your videos, and I always appreciate your concise, reflective, and rational approach to the different topics you cover. I also appreciate your willingness to consider different sides of an issue or argument in an open-minded manner. One question I have that you might address in a future video is: do we typically see low valuing of self underlying narcissistic behavior? Put another way, are there often self-loathing thoughts or self-deprecating thoughts that accompany external expressions of grandiose narcissism? Maybe this is something seen more with vulnerable narcissism. I am wondering if many narcissists actually dislike themselves. Regardless of whether my question is answered, thank you for the great videos!
Once I was homeless and depressed after having recently lost a baby as well. I was looking for a room in a shared house as it was the only thing I just about could afford. I saw many places but my depression put people off, so I tried to pretend to be happy and faked a smile. It was a huge effort and my face dropped as as soon as I closed the door behind me after an interview. I was getting nowhere: people could see through me... But gradually the smiling got easier and I found myself smiling even after the door was closed, when I didn't have to, even though I still felt rotten inside! And then something happened: I started feeling genuinely positive, very gradually, and my smile also became more genuine... and one day I was invited to move in and share a house with a bunch of others!
Looking back, it seems as if it was the smiling that made me gradually feel better, not the other way round, and years later I read from somewhere that there is a connection between the position of muscles of smiling face and production of "happiness" hormone. In other words, smiling may stimulate the production of that chemical. (Serotonin?) Well, whatever it was, I am convinced that in my case, forcing myself to smile saved me from myself as well as from homelessness.
😂🤣😄 Well done, Dr Grande. Your thumbnail shows a smirk. I often wonder about the genuousness of Jimmy Fallon's smile/laugh. Thank you for this information. 👍🌹
We create our reality. As we gain confidence, our smile becomes more comfortable. However, if a company did not inspire genuine happiness, well I'd leave.
I got to see you smile a few times watching the Bella grande thing that you do… You actually smile and you use your hands to talk and stuff… When you do your other CZcams channel you’re very pronounced and dignified I appreciate that. Although when I see you smile at Mike and that other guy over there on the end… Well, when you smile doctor you make me smile so that’s an indication that it’s a real smile because you’re nice
I'm really glad you addressed this, Dr Grande. I so much dislike fake smiling ("drying my teeth") that I decided to stop doing it as a birthday present to myself. I feel much better. But the professional and social pressure is relentless, and I get lots of people (themselves fake smilers) whining at me to smile or asking what's wrong. I explain it's just my physiognomy. (Known as RBF, I believe.) Interesting that the one NOT faking is the one who has to justify herself.
I loved this. It makes a lot of sense, especially for/at the work place.. PS it made me smile for more than 5 seconds when I got the bell!😉
just looked up machiavellanism - so now i know what you’re talking about. this “traitism” is new to me :)
I'm chronically ill. The only thing between me and getting asked, "Are you okay?" 100x a day is a fake smile. There are lots of reasons why people do this. If you see a smile you think is fake, please don't judge. Don't assume. People are going thru things. We're not all phonies.
Seeing this was eye-opening and a huge paradigm shift for me because it makes me realize all the people in churches are faking their smiles as a part of the group thinking.
Nuff said. Nice refined details thank you once again
"00:50" I am so happy you support the social graces small smile that means a lot to me because when I feel safe I have that kind of smile but most of my neighbors do as well which I dont find ironic but it is nice to hear you say that that is my general demeanor
Very interesting video, I’d never thought about this topic before. I use a fake smile often to put people at ease, make conversation with a stranger flow better or to be polite if someone is making a joke that I don’t really find funny. I never thought of this as manipulative before. I’m not sure I believe I am being manipulative...maybe it is misleading though. I’m lucky in the sense that my eyes ‘join in’ with a fake smile very easily so I think I seem genuine most times to people but maybe I need to work on doing it less. I always just saw it as a friendly and comforting thing to do but I suppose it isn’t very genuine. I do smile very easily and often naturally though, probably far more than the average person. The only time I can’t make my smile look genuine is posing for photographs, I find it too awkward to do so. I feel I’m a very genuine person so this has dented my sense of self a bit if I’m honest. I need to think about why/the reason I’m doing things more often perhaps? I just want people to feel relaxed and at ease and to think I’m a friendly and kind person...maybe I should let my actions speak more. I don’t know. Quite confused by all this! Very thought provoking video
There has got to be a third group of fake smilers! I do it becaus I'm terrified of not being liked!!
This is fascinating. As someone who has suffered from major depressive disorder for many, many years, I have always been told that if I smile, I can trick myself into being happier. I have always felt that was untrue. While I have always been able to convince others that I am a bubbly happy person, they are shocked to discover that I'm frequently plagued by suicidal thoughts, fatigue, burnout and depressive episodes.
It's enough of a relief to know that I wasn't going crazy when I wondered 1) if some smiles from certain people were fake and 2) I felt like I wasn't trying because I couldn't fake a smile at times.
Really good video. I have difficulty understanding facial expressions due to autism but I’m slowly learning it from experience
Perfect explanation!
Very helpful. Thank you.
I need to learn to,smile more because I look sad in my natural face while I am in a good mood , so people stay distant
Some dumbo at a grocery store I frequent always says to me "hello Miss Sunshine".😐 That is because I rarely smile. I cannot fake smile😶 or fake happiness.
I like your shirt. Very interesting. Thank you for all your hard work.
Fake smiles are creepy.
Thanks for the acting lesson.
Faking a smile when you’re depressed is extremely draining, so it especially sucks working retail.
Just found this one. So interesting, again. My two nephews passed from Duchenne MD so was surprised it's used in this context. Thank you Dr G for helping us genuinely smile😁😆😀🥰☺😎💚👐👄
The good doctor is going on a million subscribers and he still has the decency to respond to comments
Great presentation
This was informative:) I like vids like this...and the lying one..your on to something here..keep these vids goin:) can you do one on embarrassment and blushing
I have to smile at work most of the day. I feel like my employer has a remote control aimed at me as if I were a robot.
I think there is another distinct group that 'fake smile', and that are those people who have a rather angry or sad standard expression, not because they are always angry or sad, but because of how their facial features are.
They often get told over and over again, from childhood on, to "look happier", so they tend to put on a fake smile every time they are in company of other (especially unfamiliar) people.
Thank you for the awesome video!!
Many self-help sources suggest smiling at a mirror to improve mental states. How does that work? How would a fake smile affect this behavior?
Thank you for this video it’s a big issue for me as a women, like you told in work ( in every job I he’d it’s one of the demand ) but for me it’s don’t stop with works, family and strangers on the street or in class are demanding me to smile always because I’m a woman . So peoples on a daily basic will tall me in defeat was to smile : thy will say they would like to see my smile and will asked way I don’t smile more, or that i needs to smiles if I’m not an anger women, or that I’m mor pretty with a smile on my face, and there will do wet Id asking if I will ask agin but wet a smile , it’s only few examples and so mech more so Thanks for the point view on the topic
When random men would tell me to smile I would always be tempted to respond "then give me something to smile about" but I was always too scared to be so direct. Now that I am older this doesn't happen to me as often anyway, there's at least one benefit to aging 😐
Yes we should be like Disney princess always smiling and singing to birds lol
Liz L i can’t wait for this to stop, And I’m so glad to here that it will happened ( is only a meter of time ) ☺️ , especially because Just like you i really went to respond back ( my line is “ why they are so boring, and can’t be more original in there comments “ but i never says anything, and even worse many times I will make a fake smile to avoid more reaction, I really appreciate that you shared your story thank you ♥️
Emma Philomena ♥️
Erika ♥️
I call fake smiles Selfie Smiles. I find that the smiles in photos, especially selfies, all look identical. My sister-in-law frequently smirks rather than smiles. It's easy to recognize mainly because of what she's lying, insulting or arguing about.