Caitanya Tan - Why Singapore Women Stay Single & Singaporean Accent is Cringe? |
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- čas přidán 2. 08. 2024
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In this Haresh-less episode, we end the patriarchy with guest host Caitanya Tan @caitofalltraits, as we deep dive into the recent debate about why more women in Singapore are choosing to remain single. We also discuss her thoughts about a viral Reddit thread about the Singapore podcast scene, and why some locals think our accent is “cringe”.
00:00 On this episode...
00:19 A Message From Octa
01:58 Intro
17:17 Why Singapore Women Stay Single
44:51 Singaporean Accent In a Video Game
50:58 Singaporean Accent is Cringe?
01:29:42 One Shiok Thing
Find us here!
- Our website | www.ministryoffunny.com
- YLB Subreddit | / yahlahbut
- YLB Telegram Channel | t.me/YahLahButPodcast
- YLB TikTok | / yahlahbut
- YLB IG | / yahlahbut
Why Singapore Women Stay Single
- All the Single Ladies: Singaporean Women Share Why They’re Staying Single | www.ricemedia.co/all-the-sing...
- Rising share of singles is one main reason for Singapore’s great baby drought: Report | www.straitstimes.com/singapor...
Singaporean Accent is Cringe?
- Reddit thread on Why are Singapore podcasts and podcasters so cringe? | / why_are_singapore_podc...
One Shiok Thing
- 2024 Commencement Address by Roger Federer at Dartmouth | • 2024 Commencement Addr...
- Sheryl Koh | Certified personal colour analyst | / somethingaboutcolour_
Find Cait!
- Instagram | caitofalltr...
- TikTok | www.tiktok.com/@caitofalltrai...
Mics and Headphones from @shure | / shure
Chairs from @ergotune | ergotunecha...
Edited and mixed by Tristen Yeak
Thumbnail photo by Mimi Thian on Unsplash | unsplash.com/@mimithian - Komedie
Our Sponsor: Octa!
Download the Octa trading app bit.ly/Octa_YahLahBut and use promo code YAHLAH100 to double your deposit! Try Octa Space in the Octa Trading App - connect, learn and trade all within one app.
Congrats on the sponsor
Thanks for sharing!
@CaitOfAllTraits .... you go girl!!! Congratulations on your achievements 👏 👏 ❤ from an IJ girl
I had hope there was more pushback from the host rather than affirming the sentiments, to address some rather glaring sweeping statements from the guest.
Orrrr he didn’t pushback because he doesn’t disagree?
@@Clari-ks9lw yeah i imagine its more fun to masturbate in our own echo chamber than to understand opposing views that could hold some veracity
@@Clari-ks9lw imagine a paradise where a human sculpted by God himself who can present an opposing viewpoint that he does not agree with. Ikr, unicorns with 10 ballsacks are more plausible than that abomination
May I ask what the glaring sweeping statements were for you, and how would you push back? I’m here to converse with you. 😊❤
@@Clari-ks9lw imagine a paradise where a human, hand sculpted by God himself, entertains an opposing view without accepting it as his own. Ikr a rainbow unicorn with 4 empty ballsacks is more plausible than that vile abomination.
I want my wife to stay home and care for my child rather than hiring a domestic helper, but we need dual income to afford the little luxuries in life :(
I can't speak for all men, but for me, i like children, and the companionship that he/she/they bring to the family.
Trudat
Singapore is paying a price as an economic miracle and is relatively conservative , it comes down to cost of living
she kinda explained why she will remain single forever. She seems like a career woman, aiming for high flying career and more money, waiting for "THE ONE" to come along. Nothing wrong with that but love and marriage is all about compromise, you will never find the perfect "ONE". Also the reasons she gives makes her seem like a very self centered person who wants to always be in the spotlight even in a relationship. So very likely she will grow old and die alone.
My opinion is, there is a trend of singlehood or non-marriage or divorces because of the Realization that the traditional marriage concept is flawed in the sense that true love is almost impossible to exist except if you define it loosely. In absolute terms, true love for another person, defined as UnConditional love, is Never Unconditional. Eg. A person is so choosey about the partner that it's in his or her self interest that this condition is defined. Given the conditions, there is no UnConditional Love. There is only by virtue of the inherent ambiguity of English, an art form where it's not science where 1+1= 2 and can only be 2 and nothing else. In art, 1+1= anything your mouth can utter. This ambiguity is what allows lawyers and politicians to roti prata
She’s a sugar baby 😂
@@johnnytate69I would love to have tried this wen I was younger 😅 it seems like people can easily pay their college loans off with it
Let’s say u wanna have 4 children, can afford tuition fees for all of them ? If every kid got some talent they want to pursue like piano or something, can u afford classes for them? What about insurance and investments atleast 300k when they are born, can you afford ?
Don’t just say compromise when you can’t even afford the best for your kids.
@@albusseverus5996 strong independent woman no need no men
can’t speak for all men, except for my own experience of being a dad to an almost 2-year-old but in response to the question “why do men want to have children”, I think part of it might be related to my own subconscious subscription to dadhood being as part of a “rite of passage” of adulthood, and part of it is due to a latent need to be a mentor to someone as I grow older (and hopefully wiser). And maybe a part of it is due to the innate sense of/yearning for adventure that is drawing me towards that direction, like the next mountain to climb sort of adventure (No surprise that I’m also a listener of Jordan Peterson). And to add on to T’s point that being a father unlocked a capacity to love another human being, my own experience is that it also unlock my own capacity to prioritize the needs of another human being besides myself. That is something quite profound and surprising, even though it’s not something unexpected.
Agree 💯
Thanks for sharing ❤
"Father, why do men want to have children?”
"I don't know, Son. Maybe you can ask my father."
"Grandfather, why do men want to have children?”
"I'm not sure. Perhaps you can try asking my father."
"Great-grandfather, why do men want to have children?”
"I'm so fortunate to have amazing great-grandchildren like you."
Should re-do this podcast topic with Haresh. Really missing his thoughts and inputs.
don cancel me but I have some thoughts. The question asked was 'Will you quit your job to be the homemaker/have kids'. It's a yes or no or maybe. However, she answers with a question, do u earn more than me. Suppose if the guy does earn more, will she really quit? She seems she wants to achieve her goals and do what she likes, nth wrong about it. However, I don think she will quit her job and be homemaker even if the guy does earn more in reality. If she really quit den she is looking to date upwards only. and if the guy earn less, den it is 100% for sure she isnt gonna quit unless she choose to for other reasons. If this question was asked to a man, it may have different response. Most guys don mind dating upwards or downwards. Hence, maybe thats the reason why the article was leaning towards females than man. When it comes to any factors or questions, both gender can debate here and there, but man can never give birth. Again, don cancel me for saying this. I fully respect anyone who wants to do what they want. If we truly answer that question, my response will be maybe. I am concern with the standard of living and hope we are financially stable to have a decent proper family.
i got a feeling that people are misunderstanding the point she is making. Her response of “do you make more than me” was solely a reaction to the question posed to her “will you give up your career to be a home maker”. I think it is a perfectly fair position to take in response to such a question, and in no way should the response imply that she is only looking to date upwards (which I suspect is the source of the misunderstanding and hence the trigger point for men in general 😅)
If this question was asked of anyone (regardless of gender) wouldn’t it make sense as an immediate response to make sure that the higher income earning person (again regardless of gender) in the relationship is not being asked this question?
@@yzackong I won’t say it’s a trigger for me. Be it misunderstand or not, the point i am making is to give my own take why the article lean towards female being single etc. I do follow her and I enjoyed her content. Regardless of how she wants or what she wants, I respect her.
@@yzackongthanks friend. You’re absolutely right and are clearly an excellent listener. That statement was made in response to the comment this guy made to: “keep traditional values”… so I responded that if we were to keep traditional values, he has to make more than me. Because of they were to be the sole breadwinner, and for me the higher income earner to quit my job and raise a family, that wouldn’t be practical in Singapore. So, that was my criterion in response to his patriarchal statement. Thank you for your comment and thank you for hearing me.
Your response is legit. I don’t think you should be cancelled for voicing your genuine opinion. I respect it very much so thank you for sharing. ❤
Once she answers with a question," do u earn more than me" means she won't even look at the guy that earn lesser than her, which is what society taught the women to find a guy that can provide. In today's world, I believe no family can be single income as even cost of HDB is almost 10 times of what our parents is paying, and our wage did not increase 10 times. Remember, people who can afford certain high lifestyle(own a 5room or 4room HDB, have a big condo and car with 3 kids) is only 15% of the total population.
In regard to the Singaporean accent, think LKY, his son, Dr Vivian Balakrishnan, Tharman, Dr Chee Soon Juan, JBJ, et al. Do all of them have a problem on the international stage?
No.
It seems to be a hangup of the younger generations.
Yup "Life is not journey with a destination, its a dance! " like what Alan Watts once said.One needs to slow down and enjoy life.We have the privilege of being born in a relatively stable country.Don't waste the chance folks
Love this!
Why is gender an issue? The environment is just not conducive to start a family.
It's a gender issue because topical women don't look at average "nice guy" and only look for top 20%. the 28 phd women that LKY asked to go look for boyfriend might still be single because she is still looking for the one that only exist in movies.
@@zhen86 They're not delulu. Like any singles now, both genders have the freedom to choose. Why settle if there are uncertainties and hardships(psy/$/values/etc) that you and your partner cannot overcome? Time is limited, save them for yourself. Don't need a partner unless you intend to have kids.
@@zenmode6144 99% of women want kids, look at the ex mp Cheng Li Hui talking about egg freezing. Most women just ask and they will get bf unless they going for top 20% who has many choice.both genders have the freedom to choose? Most man do not get to choose. Women choose and choose until regret. Cynthia Koh is one example.
Adhd is both a blessing and a curse when it comes to content creation. The obsession is real but the kickback dosage is doubled when things dont go as expected.
I was on my time of month and the brain fog was surreal. But it is what it is yknow 😅 just gotta get through it.
The one reason for having children is to think of the contunuity n security of our nation, besides all other good reasons.
Haiz. If can, don't stay single. and live the pain of regret.
the feeling is mutual. sg men feel exactly the same way as you- hence why you see more local men gg for foreign women- malaysian, thai, korean, viet, etc.
I hear you. It’s really about finding your place and love in a time where technology has made it so much easier for us to do so worldwide. And I’m so happy that this is possible and so much more common now. ❤❤ everybody deserves to do that. Thanks for sharing!
It comes down to your sense of emasculation. Singaporean men would reject fantastic foreign women too. Because it's the *type* of foreign women that Singaporean men want. You want women who aren't of a certain calibre/standard/quality that will make you feel emasculated.
I'm sorry but this is one of the worst episodes I've watched. While well spoken, Caitanya keeps interrupting and often seem very defensive in her replies. Her responses also appear to attribute certain meanings behind what you're saying, when it's quite clear you have no hidden intention (An example at 22:50). Couldn't bear listening to her after a while.
Singapore is a very expensive place. This is one reason. Public housing is obscenely expensive. There is also less security because foreigners are cheaper to employ than Singaporeans.
Hey thats my Tiktok English teacher!
Ours also
This woman should stay single happily as she is independent and tough minded.
I prefer my son to marry someone who prioritise family first. Never minded her career is successful or not. Being wealthy grandparents ourselves, we expect my son to have a dedicate wife to their family to uphold our family value & traditions. He can't help it but to be straight forward. I don't have a big career as i choose to get marrying to my dream man at 23. I feel complete to have a successful & loving husband and children. Some women don't agree. It's not a problem. Nowadays, lots of men are very choosy too, they will screen through fast in order not to waste time on wrong women. Same for women too.
Subjects seem comes from our GOV la ...and comed out with BTO for young
Dont need care one's senseless question la...when time for marriage arrive ...one cannot really block the situation...all arrange by God
If your first language is English, your native language is English... It isn't British English or American English in Singapore, but it is very much every Singaporean's native language if they've learnt it first at home or in school - accents vary across different regions in the UK (Cockney, RP, Queen's, etc) & US (LA, Southern, etc) as well, not different to the range of Singaporean English in Singapore. Your native language is the language you feel the most comfortable expressing yourself in. Thinking that the language only belongs to the initial language owners invalidates other cultures, which then allows for unnecessary hierarchy & a perspective of language and culture that is extremely regressive and antiquated. American English is an evolution from its original British owners, yet is more acceptable than Singapore's version, as a younger nation. The sooner we get away from the shame of how we pronounce words differently, the sooner we leave our past behind and move forward with a language and culture that is uniquely Singaporean. This applies to any language or culture that has a colonial past, not just Singapore.
💯
There seems to be a running theme of finding replacements for haresh in the recent two podcasts since Haresh is on vacation. 🤔 seems like Terence had this planned all along. haresh should put a pack of tissue on his chair before leaving for vacation .😂
Dont say tulan lah.. get me excited nor 😂
Relationship is some compromise, some arguments, some having funs and some rock bottoms.
Can’t handle? Then remain single
What follow..😊😊😊
Tanjong Pagar English but code switch to Tanjong Rhu English eh! Lets go! Anyway accents fascinate me. My father born & bred Eurasian Pre 65 generation (His parents Hong Kong Eurasians) does have this "Straits Gentleman" accent akin to LKY's RP English. My father and I do have discussion oh what is Singlish Vs Broken English. We agree that we should be able to speak good English and yet embrace Singlish but where do we draw the line when it becomes broken English? I went to local boys school in Sg till my teens where yes I came back to Sg but i am now in London so yeah my accent is little mix eh.
Having said that I do love when you go from "Hey mate, fancy a pint after work" which could be a scene at the three crowns off Jermyn Street in London to "Come ah lim one ang ji gao" at some local coffee shop at Tanjong Rhu. I feel the surroundings of where you are does have an impact to the tonality of your speech.
My GF who is from Hong Kong does find Singlish fun and interesting and its intriguing to compare sayings with a Cantonese base like "Kan Cheong Spider"
Eh achually Tanjong rhu is fansy leh😅
@@CaitOfAllTraits oh ya hor! Considering it borders Goodman Arts Centre , Mountbatten / Marine Parade. but not quite the hallmarks of hoity-toity areas like Tanglin or Chancery lane but still fansy eh 😀. I do love all of those areas. Can i ask a controversy question, where would you place the accent of ex SMUers students working in Tanjong Pagar. I do think they have a certain way of spealing but I am probably very wrong to assume such an accent exist.
People are adulting older
Marrying later
Having children later
Divorcing more
Living till a hundred
Everything is stretched , except female fertility.
It is the reality of life 😅
@@CaitOfAllTraits
Exactly
That's the sociology of modern, urban life
imo, a funny, clever and smart woman. Nice episode, :)
The non non diplomatic answer lies in the ego....its all about mini me...lineage is a cultural tradition
This is it. Ego
Singapore Companies Negative Work cultures surrounding fathers taking leaves to Care for Children has also got to change. Do you think local Single women and Men would be hyped to get married and have children when they see companies indirectly PENALISING working parents of young and even newborns with so called “Poor Performance” on their appraisals leading to Zero bonus and a PIP to go along with it?!
Mind you, even Gov linked companies like ST ENGINEERING Defence Aerospace are resorting to such UNDERHANDED tactics to get rid of working parents they deemed “troublesome”. Earn Taxpayers money but doesn’t follow Country’s directives. Strenghtened the labour laws from management abused FIRST before even thinking about increasing the fertility rates!
Yeah we didn’t get to talk about this but I hear you, and it sounds so difficult. I wonder what can be done to change this. Do you have suggestions?
I tho Caitanya is married?
just a little note to Caitanya - i don't know you, but i think you are a brave gal. i feel you and sometimes feel the same way too.
Nothing wrong with her expectations. But hope she understands that guys who's at the top 1% have expectations too
All the way to top 1% is a stretch though 😅 where’s the in betweeners?
Alot of her perspective of life is theory and abt living the perfect life. Her illustrations of how a child upbring is hard to relate when she doesn't even set an example. How do she teach her child basic survival skills when she rely her helper to do her laundry or cleaning? Do she intend to hire a helper if her child go to army?
It’s a good question. And you’re right, I wouldn’t know. But I also said I didn’t plan to have kids. So you’re absolutely right.
Haresh left Caitanya all to mr ButButBut....
😂
@@CaitOfAllTraits To be honest, you are one hot chicken 👍✌️😊(in a good way)
@@LonganLeethanks man. I always say old nehmai, coz my goal is to be lao chio like Jessica alba. Damn she’s my goals since teenage hood. Look at her now woohooo
The moment the Octa advert snuck in, I lost interest
Fav tiktoker!
Heyyyyyyy thank you for saying that! ❤❤ and thank you for contributing to our endeavors. Your support means so much to us creators. 🙏🏼
@CaitOfAllTraits Why some men want kids more than women:
1. Children unlock a status symbol that some men want. In the corporate world, fathers are seen as more capable or advanced in life and hence are more respected. Women on the other hand are seen as a burden to the company when they become mothers.
2. Some men KNOW they're getting the easier end of the parenting stick. They know children naturally gravitate towards their mother for caretaking and getting their needs met. Men know that they can default to weaponized incompetence if they don't wanna change nappies, put the kids to sleep, midnight feeds etc. Men know that their wives will take responsibility of the kid because "oh the mom does it better anyway".
3. Some men know that the mental load of being a father is less than that of a mother.
4. Most want to be a "father" but don't actually want to parent. They're ok with the fun that comes with being a dad when their kids are having a good well-behaved day.
5. Some men grow up seeing the easier side of parenting unless they're complete empaths and have put themselves in their mother's shoe.
6. Some men feel the opposite of emasculated (what is the word for that??) by being a father because they automatically get the role of provider EVEN WHEN they're not capable of providing fully for their family.
Oof… I don’t disagree but I would also say not all men.
You sound like you’ve been damaged sheesh
@@colourwave3342tbh I hear the same reasons from my guy friends. Bit scary
You know, I'm a hands on dad. There are many amazing Singaporean dad like me and even better than me by the way. Not blowing my own horn, but I think many of us are doing pretty amazing job playing our part educating our kids, playing with them, bringing them out and being a listener to our children. Singaporean guys have evolved over time. We are alot more attentive to our family and children as compared to our parents.
@@Clari-ks9lw funny enough guys that I know are the opposite but it’s probably my circle. They are in the constant when their kids need them.
Very common word fillers, like….like…like…. Wonder why so common?
Thanks for pointing it out. 😅 didn’t even notice. But if I had to answer… it’s probably because it’s a filler word… to replace ‘uh…’ or ‘umm…’ that also sounds like you HAVE the answer, instead of that you’re stalling. 😅 dunno if this helps ❤
@@CaitOfAllTraits thanks for being so receptive n positive to feedback. I follow u in tik tok too. Many ppl have these fillers “like”, “umm”, “uhhhh”, “errr”……when it’s impromptu speech, ie unprepared or unscripted. Very common. Pls don’t replace with the ummms uhhhhs errrrs. If it’s populated with such, it’s jarring to the ears n equally irritating, in fact off putting. Of course when it’s prepared speech, no reason to populate script with these fillers. This is related to our train of thoughts. When our thoughts are not complete n our “mouths are faster than our thoughts”, that’s when these fillers may surface. To rid of these fillers, whatever they are, practice PAUSING. This is to give u time to organize your thoughts (answers). But of course silence cannot be too long. In such forum or situation, can seem like eternity😂. In short, don’t let the mouth be faster than the thoughts (answers). Try pausing. I enjoy watching u in tik tok, or rather enjoy listening to u. U speak beautifully. Your first foray in tik tok with that MRT announcement caught my attention. I was one of first to praise u. If u can recall, I suggested u venture into news reading or compering, not knowing then u are professionally trained in speech. From enjoying listening to u, I have progressed into enjoying watching u. U r so beautiful n charming. So u r complete video quality, sights n sounds 🤣. I love to watch n listen to u. But frankly, for this particular interview, I didn’t finish it, for reasons obvious la. I can still see n listen to u in tik tok ❤️. N the interviewers were right! From your first foray with the MRT announcements, within such a short span, it’s nothing short of meteoric rise to fame! N u r so selfless, an admirable value n quality. U fear not competition. U r even helping that “donkey” friend of yours make his inroads in tik tok. Another beautiful sound to listen to, albeit not as beautiful a sight as u 😂 (no offense to the “donkey”. Dunno his name la). Social media future is bright n ripe for u. Hope u take my feedback in good faith 🙏
My friend challenged me to take a shot everytime somebody used that word. We got drunk 😂
@@Darth-TBAG looking at the prevalence, bars will be doing roaring businesses with drunkards aplenty 😂
lots of interview the sportsman says ummhh. Its a word to let them have time to think what they gonna say.
Need more well known guest
Yeah sial i have like major imposter syndrome whenever people invite me on their shows 😅 like who tf am I even
Don't understand. What's so heartbreaking about choosing NUS over Harvard?
Personally, it would be the opportunity to reside abroad, immerse in a different culture, meet connections from around the world that possess the same level of academic prowess… among other things. Also, having myself lived abroad in the US, EU, UK, HK, I definitely see the value in it because of how it changes your perspective and adds to your world view especially when it comes to being more accepting of diversity. Americans also have the innate ability to make you more gung ho. And this tenacity is at the opposite spectrum of how we are raised in Singapore that I find so much empowerment in developing the audacity by osmosis, and then finding my personal balance as I go. Hope this helps. 🙏🏼 ❤
@@CaitOfAllTraits oh. I was thinking more along the lines of: not even getting that choice would be truly heartbreaking.
@@CaitOfAllTraits also, H and T have never replied to me here, which is just fucking sad. For this, you are my new favourite person!
@@CaitOfAllTraits what so important about residing aboard if you can go NUS and go government with first class and earn a decent amount? Going aboard is over rated unless it help your career.90% of people have jobs not careers. We are not Malaysian where crossing a bridge we earn 3.5 times. If you can't create a career in Singapore that need you to go overseas, there is no point. Our currency is too strong to feel that going overseas make sense. Singapore have lots of ang mo from the whole world.
@@rogertan5534oh I see thanks for clarifying
Why are Singapura women staying Single?
How about these reasons?
1. Its all about themselves. They want this, this, this and this. Its all about themselves. Of course they cannot find someone who is alive just for them and matches all their strict demands.
2. Would they like to have a man that meets their needs? Of course. So they cannot find one that matches due to their very selfish demands.
3. Women like to have true love? Of course. Even men. But how true is true? Is it language artistic true or absolute true? Lets see .... Women, and men, want spouse that matches their high expectations. Its all about themselves. Its all Conditional. Spoiler Alert! There is no such thing as True Love because thats UnConditional. What men and women want are All Conditional.
Sorry for spoiling your dreams. But you can choose to live in denial and define true love as presumed true and not absolute true. Injoy
amdk the best
JBW and the Wall, both are undefeated.
Caitanya does know what hypergamy is right? And it is biologically innate to the female gender, so yes she can want someone to earn more than her but she must also know that her age doesn’t help much when it comes to arguing what she brings to the table to the guys that are in the top 1%. Men in general won’t care how much the women earn, just look at the “High value leftover women” in China.
i'm sure with that intellect of yours, you must be part of the top 1% male and your wife (i assume you have one) is young and pretty!
@@koon2038 nah I’m just a nobody that has observed enough.
I can see how that’s a prevalent perspective, but fortunately I don’t share the same experience. Thankfully for people who choose not to subscribe to age-related stigmas, there are tonnes of very well to do men who value intellectually stimulating conversations over youth. And somehow I’ve managed to locate them all. We really do attract what we put out there. 😊
Actually I also want to add that in context, I only said that because someone’s comment was to keep traditional values. And if we do want to keep traditional values wouldn’t this be part of the consideration? Thanks for voicing your opinion though… it helps me understand better how a person can feel about the way I said what I said. 🙏🏼 ❤
@@CaitOfAllTraitsgiven that you have managed to locate them all, are you still dating them all? Locating and staying in a relationship are two different things yeah.
Why should either the men or women be blamed for the declining birth rate? It's just a personal choice afterall.
There's higher financial burden and greater responsibility when you have kids. And when both have absolute different parenting style and beliefs, that's just a formula for endless conflicts and even divorce in the long run. That's why many married couples choose to be childless too.
Yeah that’s why I said at the beginning Hor… such a click bait title. Ugh.