Adult Child Estrangement and Mental Illness (Seven Keys To Manage Cut Off)
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- čas přidán 8. 03. 2023
- Do you have an estranged adult child that has a mental illness? In this video, we are going to discuss how mental illness contributes to estrangement and you will learn 7 keys to help you navigate this condition.
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SHOW NOTES / RESOURCES:
○ Feeling Heartbroken and Alone? How to Pick up the Pieces When You are Estranged:
I'm giving away a copy of my eBook on the topic here → morinholistictherapy.com/find...
○ Mental Illness As A Contributor To Adult Child Estrangement (article) → morinholistictherapy.com/ment...
RECOMMENDED READING:
○ Rules of Estrangement: Why Adult Children Cut Ties and How to Heal the Conflict by Joshua Coleman → amzn.to/3EpK44k
○ Fault Lines: Fractured Families and How to Mend Them by Karl A. Pillmer → amzn.to/3xLtatc
○ Family Estrangement: A matter of perspective by Kylies Agllias →amzn.to/3ZeGxhd
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○ How to Cope with Family Estrangement (video series) → • How to Cope with Famil...
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LINK TO VIDEO: • Adult Child Estrangeme...
DISCLAIMERS:
ESTRANGEMENT AND ABUSE: When considering the possibility of reconciling with an emotionally and or physically abusive great care is required. Reconciling may only be possible if the abuser is willing to work with a family therapist. When there is abuse, individuals estrange out of necessity and self-preservation. Consider if it is safe to resume a relationship with an abusive family member without evidence that the abuser has changed or takes responsibility for their harmful actions.
RESOURCES BY STATE ON VIOLENCE AGAINST WOMEN:
www.womenshealth.gov/relation...
ncadv.org/resources
National Domestic Violence Hotline - www.thehotline.org/
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○ Need someone to talk to? → morinholistictherapy.com/strategy
DO I?? How much time you got??
I believe that if your kids don’t respect you in their behavior, you shouldn’t mess with them. Just as I wouldn’t do in any relationship.
What about a situation where a mother in law has covertly undermined the mother of said children? Our kids actually told me and my husband about the undermining that had gone on for years. At the time we didn't think too much about it because we were all getting along. But since our kids have been on their own for the last 15 years and have struggled with various things, and with them becoming woke , we have been canceled. We have been accused of toxicity and abuse. I chose to stay home and raise my children and I loved it. I was very proud of the loving home my husband and I happily provided. We are devastated.
You are not the only parents being divorced by adults kids
This seems to be a trend and I see alot of therapists on YT pushing some Narsasitic Mom garbage that puts kids in a victim mentality that is destroying family units
I was a stay at home mom too
I still have a 17yo boy at home who is a Gem of a child
But our 22yo daughter hss always been difficult and is now estranged from us.
I bet she will come back at some point but hopefully not too soon.
I need a break from her drama😉
You need to admit fault. We are all flawed.
It's best described as two handicap people arguing over who's disability is better/greater.
Humble yourself and hopefully your kids will too
Thank you for such a spot on video. Having been cut off by my 19 year old whose life is a big secret is so painful especially when you know that drugs and risky relationships are involved. The worry and stress is indescribable.
😢😢😢
dad told me to grow up. didnt have therapists back then. i set my sites on a better life. stopped blaming others, and got my act together. lots of coaches out there on doing your best.
Too many therapists these days
Especially on YT
You should see the young people under the narsasitic mother videos
Such Victims
I bet those daughters were no Joy to raise
Geez is there any personal responsibility anymore?
Young ppl today are so screwed up but I dont think its their parents fault
I think its society, Hollywood, social media and public schools.
I agree! They always want to make it. The parents fault! What if you’ve done everything to try to accommodate them and they just want to alienate from all the family!? I tried to talk and she won’t talk to me. I just found out she was on antidepressant drugs!
This may have worked for you but what if you have a debilitating mental illness like bipolar or schizophrenia or even both simultaneously.
My son has bipolar and is struggling. 😢 Thanks for a great video.
You are so spot on about an adult child with MI .The pain of being a parent of said adult child with MI all the pain and wory and wondering . i Have learned to back of and let my adult child choose weather he wants to take hi9s meds or not the or not has landed him in a treatment facility so many times. This time 7/25/23 i do beleive he has a changed perspective and relizez he absolutly needs meds to function.so being me compliant is a huge step to get well.
This was such good analysis and really helped me at this time. Having boundaries for ourselves even when they have cut us off is very good advice. We do send ourselves crazy trying to find answers. Other family members just think she is evil.
Hi GreenTurtle: thank for writing. Of all the contributors to estrangement this one is particularly challenging. We want our loved one to be validated and know we love them. However, depending on the illness, the relationship can be brutal. It is heart wrenching. Do your best to stay on track to honor your wellness. Be around those who love and value you.
You can get through ❤️💕
Thank you for your support and guidance. Mine is the last scenario you speak of. No contact 3 yrs - no acceptance of diagnosis, no contact with anyone in my family. Your work helps me very much in addition to my regular therapist. 🙏
I’m so glad my videos are helpful. Thank you for writing!
This is my situation too
I am so very grateful you are offering this advice! thank you
Just found this video at a critical time with dealing with my 40 yr old daughter who has developed Borderline Personality Disorder over the last couple of years and is a completely different person and who also ended up having a baby (my granddaughter). At this point she is always volatile when communicating over-talking yelling and screaming We worry constantly for our granddaughter as she has no father around or family. We are so distressed and have been on the round and round hampster wheel for these couple of years. I am wits end. Thank you for your tips we definitely need to set more boundaries but at this point I don't know if I will even see her and my granddaughter any time soon. This has definitely affected my health.
What I would add as far as what a parent could do is work on themselves and see where they can take accountability in their part of the behavior of the child and the upbringing
Stop blaming the parents .
I have a borderline daughter that has made it her mission to destroy me.
I have 2 other children who are fine.
All these videos do is validate her cruelty. And justsifies it.
So she doesn't have to take responsibility
@@theresehill1660 not blaming the parents but pointing out their accountibility matters
@@eyeseeme3 Some parents have done nothing wrong
Many young people these days are being destroyed by social media and the wifi
@@cheesecakefan4880 there is no such thing as a perfect parent. Everyone needs to take accountability in life, parents are no exception. Also there are abusive parents. And even parents that meant well can inflict trauma without realizing. There needs to be mutual understanding
You must be a proud parent bc ur kids turned out excellent. When you don’t know what is going on, you should keep your opinion to yourself esp if there is genetic involved and of course like you, blames parents like us that suffer the most.
Thank you for this. My trans son has struggled with bipolar their whole life - diagnosed in middle school. They talk to other family members but not me. I do get news updates but it isn't the same. Honoring their need for space and sending love every day. That's all I can do right now.
My 27 year old daughter suffers from mental illness. This thing has ruined her life so far. She was doing fine a few years ago. She had a job attended ,college was in a relationship, got married then all of a sudden she got very depressed tried to commit suicide more than once she deals with anxiety, low vitamin Deficiency, was diagnosed with being bipolar. She has lost everything her job, can't really attend college like she desires to also had to separate from her husband because he's not able to deal with all of this. He himself has a disability of being visioned impaired. She sees a psychiatrist and is on medication for it I'm a Christian woman. I trust in God for my daughter's healing. I just wanted to reach out to other parents that may deal with a child whether they are small or grown that deals with mental illness. I need help on what to do on how to cope with this.
Thanks for writing. I’m sorry you’re going through this. I hope your daughter gets treatment and feels better. Bipolar is a brutal mental illness. Believing in God is a great comfort. Support from a professional for parents whose adult children struggle with mental illness is extremely important. Sometimes we need someone who understands and knows to help manage the magnitude of the situation. I wish you the best.
Substance abuse... years and years, since teenage years. Court ordered visitation with a psychopathic father who inflicted decades of emotional abuse. I fought the courts for decades but always lost. Now my child is completely unhinged. I fear for them and their little children. I grieve the loss of my beautiful child, who continues to make unhealthy choices and rebukes the idea of getting help. They have asked me over and over to stay away, and I respect the requests. Then they reach out, and the whole cycle repeats again and again. Another aggravating factor is family members who ask about them and can't comprehend the situation because they have healthy relationships with their adult children, so they press for me to do this and do that. They even go so far as calling my estranged child and guilt trip them into calling me! Now I feel bad over that, too! I most certainly did not ask them to interfere in the situation. I just would like to develop some stoicism like my mom had, so I could cope with this debilitating grief.
Dear MH:
I'm so sorry this has happened and your daughter is struggling. Please learn how to create boundaries with those family members. You have enough to deal with !! Warmly, Marie
Same with my adult son! I literally moved from one country to another to get my child out of court-ordered supervised visitation with a drug-addled father. But the grief over losing his dad (through my separating them and then his dad passing away from years of drug use) has followed him and he has refused counselling and any other forms of help and he has pretty much destroyed his ability to function and feel emotions with drugs. No one who hasn't had drug addicted children or other family members understands, for sure. I think that stoicism is possible-- it's just hard to do on your own, so I'm going to put myself back into Al-Anon (which I attended years ago) so I can at least give this issue over to God because as you say, the grief is so debilitating. xK
Alanon has been a Godsend for me!@@katewetherell4846
this is very helpful!!! thank you!!
Glad it was helpful!
Both my son and I are on the autism spectrum, I am a life long semi-survivor of severe covert narcissistic abuse by both parents, developed early onset mental illness at age 9 and the same happened to my son.
Hi thanks for writing. I’m sorry this happened to you and your son. I hope you are getting support.
Very professional meaningful information. Thanks
Glad it was helpful!
Excellent video. Thank you.
Hi Linda: thank you for writing!!
My son has ADHD. It has caused my other son to blame and is now estranged from me. I'm deeply hurt. I've tried for years to help my ADHD son with no help, understanding or support not even from therapist.
Thank you.
PLEASE HELP!!! I fill the form on your website. Haven’t heard back. We are in exactly that situation. We are thinking our 26 year old son has Schizophrenia 🥺 we haven’t been able to diagnose him because he won’t do it. We are desperate!! Someone please help 😞😢 he still lives with us.
Please email me
Morinholistictherapy@gmail.com
Sorry about the website form
I’ll look into it.
Good reminder to set boundaries.
So true!
Yep I let my boundaries down and went to dinner. There, my daughter in law and soon to be daughter in law sat at the other end of the table from me. They laughed at me, rolled their eyes etc. my husband told me in the car how awful they were when I wasn’t looking. I’ve cried for days. Now,back to my normal clarity of thinking,I know it’s their “mean girl” cult. Reminded myself that going in public with them is dangerous for me, and it won’t happen again.
Someone said I was erratic I wasn’t even doing anything…that is strange
#Syracuseny, with drug abuse too. How can adults seek help for their child from the courts.
Have you joined NAMI?
How old is he?
What about a child who has never been afraid of anything and who has done so many "scary" things? Sometimes I don't even want to know what she's doing until it's over and I know she is still alive. :) But here's my question. What if she's been encouraged to get a diagnosis, but she just won't? It's not about encouraging her to take meds. She won't even get a diagnosis, much less take any meds. She won't even go to the doctor for normal health issues. She has been "forced" twice to do a mental health evaluation, but the legal and health systems are broken and don't seem to be able to help. Any advice?
My daughter is depressed because her baby sister is doing better than her. My daughter thinks she had it better than her and that’s not true. She refuses to acknowledge that her sister busted her butt to get where she’s at. She blames me for how she turn out and she constantly throws the pass in my face. She will acknowledge the new me and is holding onto the past mistakes. I admit, I wasn’t the perfect parent by far but I had since then tried to make it up and tried to be a better person. I don’t know what to do and just recently found out she’s on depressants!
Admit fault and grow together. You were wrong and untill you fully admit it, you will be viewd as a hypocrite
Well don’t compare they’re all different my sisters and I don’t get along anymore we used to sort of but not really…just love them as individuals not worry so much. Also sometimes people change and grow
Im listen. But hear circle of words. How to Solve problems. 😅😮😮 boundary, communication, support ( both) or not, validation your or self. Cant i get a court oder of harming his self
Ok so have a 36 year old son his father had schizophrenia he committed suicid in 2000 now my son is homeless and refuses to get checked out for this mental illness what can I do .
@janetjohnson4403 Thank you for writing. I am sorry for your loss and now what is happening with your son. Does your son have a caseworker? If so, they can be helpful in getting treatment. If your son continues to be unwilling to get treatment, the best thing you can do is get support for yourself to help you deal with the stress. Does he speak to you?
Pretty much there is not much hope is there for either side. They have to accept that we lost our chil drand just move on with our lives. And they lost.
Pretty much dear alive. And you just see that child when they were little. And they were happy and they had no worry in the world and then genetics and circumstances. Around everythand there is no way back for Ida party just acceptance of c***
The parent seems to blame you and your ilness the oldet they fet
@samjarrett5905 Thank you for writing. I get it. I agree with you. What are your thoughts on how some people tend to blame others for areas they don't want to look at or take responsibility for?