A Painful Reminder of Why Decluttering Matters
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- čas přidán 18. 10. 2023
- Decluttering can be a challenging task that is put off by many, but what if you put it off too late? Recently, my family and got rid of much of my 88-year-old grandfather's belongings in a rushed and unfortunate way, with most items going to the landfill. In this video, I share details about how and why this happened, along with four key lessons I'm hoping you can take from the video to inspire your own decluttering or conversations about this with loved ones who are aging.
My friend's parents have a 70 acre farm with 5 huge storage buildings that are packed. There is also a huge barn with tons of stuff. Their home is very cluttered as well. In their 50 plus years of marriage, I don't think they ever threw away anything! It's unreal and I feel so bad for my friend who has just started the decluttering process. So. Much. Work. for him! They were very frugal people, but they found so many "GOOD DEALS" that they just couldn't pass up, only to be set aside for nothing...so much money wasted....how ironic.
They can’t be frugal and also have all that stuff
I have been a minimalist forever. 2 years ago I did a Swedish Death Clean. Now I am 58 and have so little. I do not want to burden my daughter at all. Sorry your family is going through this.
It is amazing you have done that! Thank you!
I did this for my Mom's apartment when she went to a memory hall. I spent the rest of the summer telling people,'if you love your kids, get rid of your stuff '. I'm better now.😊
I did the same thing after my mother in law passed at 54. It took three adults more than 24 hours to go through all her stuff. Yes, tedious, emotional, also knowing more stuff got thrown away than could have. I'm better now too, but I vividly remember how hard that was.
Absolutely! I think it’s selfish to make your kids do the work. I understand sometimes it can’t be helped. I’ve been downsizing for several years.
@hikerhobby1204 - exact opposite is also true, according to Marie Kondo, when children move out and leave their junk for their older parents to deal with, that's disrespectful. I am a witness to that for sure.
@@Runner8617 I agree! After my son graduated from college I had him take everything of his with him. Funny how his rock collection and many other collections I’d been dragging around for years suddenly found themselves in the trash.
@@hikerhobby1204😅😅😅😅
My mom passed in January and we are STILL going through things . She was organized and minimal overall but 40 years worth of things in a home is overwhelming no matter how you look at it.
We had to purge for a relative about 12 years ago. We are still traumatized by needing to purge two lifetimes in 3 days. Out of state. While trying to juggle the physical, legal, financial and medical needs of someone who needed memory care. Everything from clearing food from fridge to finding guns hidden in house to meetings with doctors and attorneys. Photos were devastating (unlabeled). It was physically and mentally exhausting. Clear the stuff out if you love your family.
13 years ago My Dad went into the nursing home for rehab and after 2 months realized there was no way he was going to go back home. I don’t have any siblings and my parents were divorced. He never remarried. I had less than 10 days to get through an apartment and 2 big storage units. It was exhausting but I went in with a plan and got it done along with a lot of other things. This seriously started my journey on decluttering and being more intentional with what I bring into my home.
This is a very important video. I am an aging person who is feeling these exact emotions. Sitting down and having the talk with loved ones while I am still able is the key. I don't have trash but I do own a lot of stuff. I have been donating and selling as much as I can. If anyone wants something of mine in the family I just give it to them. My mother clung onto items that were really no longer useful. She was trying to hang on to the past. Excellent video. I am sorry you had to experience this. Thank you for sharing with others. 🌍☮️🌲
Thank you for being willing to do this not only for yourself but also for your loved ones!!
It is amazing that you are doing this, Jennie!
Thank you for sharing.
Why had it never occurred to me that by holding on to things that I'm trying to hold on to the past? This will help me view these things differently so I can release them.
The decluttering continues!
no kidding like holding onto the past is something we all struggle with. how can we open our eyes if we can’t see
I so agree with this! My mom has dementia and I along with several helpers cleaned out her big house in 3 weeks. 12 car loads to a thrift store, several trips to the dump, MANY boxes shipped to family members and more. I gave all of her furniture to strangers because I didn't have time to sell it. Keeping all your stuff because you can't deal with it is a major burden on your family!
It's a big job. At least you were able to keep some items out of the landfill and give away the furniture.
Well. Ppl can have will allow folks to come n get things. Leave money for it to be disposed of.
Now we know we can talk to ppl before they go. Or really, I know it sounds odd but-we really don't need to do anything if we don't want. To. Here it's up to the landlord to dispose of it.
Not sure why we need to feel bad, it's not our stuff, no one can take it w them. Yes,😢 my dad seemed to get ill fast n it happens to the I'll or elderly. Thanks for sharing.
Yep! 20 years of marriage, now getting divorced. I downsized from 1800 square feet to 2 smallish rooms with a bath, in another state. SO FREEING! And I am only 49. I also FINALLY put those sentimental items together and went through all of the photos and PUT THEM IN ALBUMS! OMG! So fun and now I have 2 beautiful albums to look at. All of my records of personal papers are together, in a small fireprooff/waterproof container. It was a lot of work. I rid myself of 14 bags of clothing and shoes, 10 large pieces of furniture and a least 7 to 8 boxes of just "stuff", along with getting a trash can of paperwork shredded and burned. It was crazy, because I consider myself pretty curated.
Good luck!!!!!
may i ask how things are now with u. like being married up many yrs now ur life has changed but tell me please what has changed of you freeing up your stuff bc i’m in the same process 😊
Thank you for video. This is one video that anyone who is a collector/hoarder needs to watch. My mother was a collector and insisted that all of her stuff was worth a lot of money; we couldn't sell it or give it away. Dad's stuff was just garbage from hoarding and filled 4 construction dumpsters. My brother and I had already spent 3 years watching our mother slowly die and an additional year watching dementia take our father's mind but cleaning out 40 years of collections and hoarding ended up breaking us. We share a lot of resentment for what our parents put us through.
This is more important that people realize, this and having your affairs in order well before death. I lost my mom two months ago and she was only 55. I've been decluttering on a weekly basis, both my things and hers. Going through her possesions has been much harder. The saving grace was that we shared a 2 bedroom rental and I am not in a hurry. I can't even imagine how much more difficult it would have been to have to clean out an entire house in short notice.
@AlexaLikes:
I am so sorry for your loss!
💚💛
Although we tried to downsize our parents over the years, they were aggressively against doing even one thing. Although it’s import to try, be aware that it simply may not happen until they are gone.
Unfortunately, this is so true.
sometimes you have to put it into perspective, like asking "what is the one thing you want so-and-so to have because i might accidentally throw it out not knowing it's precious." i've had to do that with my grandmother who is currently attempting a death clean
This describes my in laws to a T. I am dreading the day it comes bc the house is already stage 2 hoarder if not 3 and they'll probably not pass for 30 years as they are blessed with longevity in the family. Hubs and his sister tried to get rid of things toys etc from their childhood and MIL was so mad bc she is very sentimental. I try to remember this and purge things often. His brother refuses to try to motivate his mom to let go. I just hope he helps when the time comes.
The kindest gift my mother ever gave me was how much she decluttered in the year before her death. I've seen far too many friends go through the situation you described. For us it was a single afternoon cleaning out her assisted living apartment after she died. She so mentally fragile at the end and it was almost as if it was the last thing she wanted to do before death came to take her. So, I guess I'm saying, yes, decluttering makes a HUGE difference in dealing with a loved one's death.
I'm so glad to hear that she did this, Sue!
My mum was the same. When she was still living independently, every few months she’d ask me to go through a cupboard or a few drawers. For each item, she’d tell me if she currently used it. If she didn’t, I had the choice of taking it or throwing it away. But she didn’t want me taking things just because they’d been hers, so if I said I’d take it, she’d question where I’d put it, or how I’d use it. And often I didn’t have an answer, so it went into the toss pile. There was still a fair bit to do after her death, but nowhere near what it would have been without those clear-outs. And this was before the word “decluttering” had ever been heard LOL
So important. My husband and I are 71 and working on this now after having to go through my mother in law's things. Don't want my children to have to do this.
It is amazing that you are doing this!
You’ll never see a U-Haul behind a hearse. My mom passed in June 2023. I’m only 38 and in good health thank God, but I’m in the process of minimizing and decluttering my possessions. Main reason is to streamline and simplify my life but also I don’t want my loved ones to stress when the inevitable does happen. My goal is to keep only my essentials and things I enjoy. Any collections I have are to have no more than 10 items. I should be able to move all my belongings in two duffel bags and a backpack, minus furniture & appliances of course.
@justadudeintheworldman.120 I’m sorry about your Mom. Thank you for sharing about limiting your collections to a maximum of 10 items. This is helpful and I like the idea of having a manageable limit. My mom died 13 years ago, and this year was the first year I felt ready to begin going through her possessions that I saved. All the best to you in your journey. You’re doing a great job. ✨
This is so true. We emptied my parents’ home 5 years ago. They had lived in the same house for 65 years and it was ALOT of work to go through. Mom was still alive and very helpful in making some decisions but Dad had already passed. Both of my sisters and I went home after this experience and started really purging our own homes. I’ve asked my children about things they’d like. I have already passed some of these things on. It’s a joy to see them take things they can use now and enjoy.
How lovely to share these items with your children now!
This is why I have started the “One Room Project” with myself. When we are little we only have one room in our parents house for our stuff. When we age into retirement homes we only have one room for our stuff… so why in the middle of our lives do we collect so much stuff?!
Better that we think more about limiting our ownership of stuff to one room, our whole lives and then have more space for life itself!
This is the One Room Project ❤🎉
I love this idea, I think I just might adopt it : )
@@user-hw9vf4pl9s ooooo fun!
I have managed to fit my life (excluding camping gear and gardening storage) into 16ft x 24ft (6X4m) which includes a mini kitchen, craft table, couch, computer desk, wardrobe and bed! Still a bit more decluttering to go, but so worth it.
I'm wanting a tiny home 10x 20, going to try living in just my main bedroom that comes with a walkin closet and bathroom, get rid of everything that doesn't fit and doesn't serve a purpose.@@HannahMitchell-Art
This is an excellent mindset and a great point!
Having to go through my in laws home was one of the hardest things I have ever done. Their own kids were in no frame of mind to deal with it, so I had to do it by myself for them.. Years and years of their life, disposed of in 5 days. It still haunts me years later.
I'm sorry you had to do it alone🥺
@@Runner8617 thanku, but it helped the rest of the family not to have to do it, and has taught me to only keep what I really need in my own home.
Thank you for this video, it reminds me of the concept of Swedish Death Cleaning . I'm paraphrasing here, but that concept means "Not leaving a mess for others to clean up after you have passed away." It's a wonderful gift you can give your loved ones.
We moved permanently from our larger home to our much smaller vacation home. We got rid of 85% of our belongings. Our children took a few things they wanted and we sold a few things but the majority was given to charity. It felt great to give items to organizations that help others. Our kids are so glad they won’t have to deal with so many belongings. Having helped clear out our parent’s homes we saw how emotionally draining it is to throw away things we knew were important to them but which we didn’t want and would no longer be useful to anyone.
Even if a person will not downsize and declutter items, it does help tremendously if they make notes of which items have special meaning to the family or to them personally, and how they should be distributed. And by make notes I mean make WRITTEN notes. Several years ago one older relative nearing 90 went into a retirement home, giving family members the assignment of distributing her lifetime of personal items to descendants. While a few items were marked appropriately, many were not. After several hours of sorting through personal items that were intermingled with old magazines and such stuff another relative and I, bleary with eye strain and headaches, puzzled over one snapshot of a little cabin with absolutely nothing written on the picture. We even took it out of the little paper frame, looked all over for any notes, gave it up for junk, then tossed it. A few days later we learned from our older relative that it was a picture of her first home and she wanted her oldest child to have it. No relative had ever been told this, much less the oldest child. If our elderly relative had made an appropriate note on the picture, we would have known what it meant to her and distributed it appropriately. 9:06
My mom passed in April suddenly. I'm 33. She took care of my grandmother. I have two houses worth crammed into one home to go through. Thank you.
I'm so sorry to hear that, Meg.
❤
I'm so sorry for your loss. My mother-in-law passed recently, and it was somewhat sudden, so that was very difficult. But she was older. Take good care of yourself as you grieve. ♥
My condolences. That is overwhelming.
I’m so very sorry for your loss
A difficult but necessary talk, lovingly and intelligently delivered. Thank you for the encouragement, Friend. ❤
Your story is almost parallel to mine and having to clean out my parents home. We parked a dumpster and threw away their belongings without being able to donate or even sale. I had to travel from out of State also. Now I am constantly decluttering, giving away items and pictures to family while I am alive so that they won’t have that stress. It’s a constant event because I am amazed at how much I have accumulated over the years.
I had that experience with my mother and my sister’s houses. Now I am 70 with grown nieces and nephews who don’t live in the same state.
I have not been culling/decluttering anything.
I decided today (before this video) to get rid of several hundred books that I will never reread, as well as clothes and extraneous furniture, etc, etc.
I have been a dedicated collector of Roseville pottery, antique British tea tins, beautiful China, etc. I don’t want to give it up now and they might want one item of each collection, so I think I will send that with them next time I see them. Like you said, they won’t want to go through stuff. I would like them to sell the collections, but that might be asking too much.
So I am thinking of finding out how to auction it from my home. I will leave money to have that done. They really don’t want photo albums, they can take a screenshot of the relevant photos.
So, thanks for seconding my thoughts with your timely post, and giving helpful advice. 👩🏻🎨👍 I am sorry for your loss.
👏👏👏
Good luck with your work!
I’ve been going through all my “stored in the attic” stuff over the past few years. The things that I’ve chosen to keep, I have hand written stories/information about the items. I’ve also told my children that they can do whatever they want to with the items when I’m gone. I just didn’t want them to think I was totally crazy with the choices I’d made. As I have been doing it, I’ve also sent pictures of what I was decluttering. It’s amazing the things they wanted that I assumed I would donate and the things they didn’t want. This is always a good reminder to not put the burden on the next generation.
This topic should be talked about more. It’s already been 5 years since my parents passed and I’m still decluttering their stuff little by little. Their deaths were too sudden and it was awful. On the bright side, it made me realize I have too much stuff too. I’m starting to be mindful of what I buy now. Thank you
Such an important perspective - particularly the comment about nobody knowing when they’ll no longer be able to manage something. Thank you for sharing!
I'm so glad to hear this, Laura!
I'm sorry to hear about your grandad Sarah, it is a very sad & stressful process - I went through the same a few years back when my mum went into a care home with Vascular Dementia & sadly passed away in 2020. Me and my partner relocated and moved into my family home to try and sort out 60 years worth of collecting and hoarding and I fortunately had time to sort, donate, sell & rehome items in the most useful & environmentally friendly way I was able to. This process was extremely exhausting & upsetting but set me on a journey to declutter & minimise as much as possible which I'm still working on, especially as my mum was my last direct family member & sadly there is no one else to care for or sort my things when I'm no longer here. Going through and death cleaning your belongings is the greatest gift you can do for your loved ones for the future and do for yourself right now.
I'm so sorry that you dealt with this situation. I wholeheartedly agree with your statement that going through your belongings is the greatest gift for others and yourself.
I went thru this with my mom recently. I literally couldn’t deal with sorting thru her things… in addition to being a bit of a hoarder the grief was just crushing. I hired someone to handle it for me which I know my mom would not have wanted. I still can’t even see her house without losing it 😢 I’m in my thirties and actively decluttering, labeling important info, even making my arrangements so that my now young kids have a little less to stress about.
I am so sorry about this. What you are doing is amazing!
i have tried several times to address this to my own mother who is a clean hoarder. i find it’s ppl from that era. they want to save every thing and they do not have the energy to keep it stored properly also physically it’s weighing down my mom. she can’t see it though.
Really appreciate this video, Sarah! We went through this with my grandmother 3 years ago, as her dementia progressed very quickly. We moved her from a 2,200 sf home she had lived in for 55 years, to an assisted living facility and then within a couple months to a memory care facility due to safety concerns. We fortunately lived close to her house, but it took almost a year to declutter her home and get it ready to be sold. Extremely stressful for my mother and all involved. That experience motivated my mother to start the process in her own home, but sadly my father refuses to get rid of anything (and also has health issues so cannot assist). He jokingly says that it is my brother’s and my problem someday, which makes me angry. Thank you for sharing…maybe I’ll pass this video on to them for a little motivation!
We had my mom’s brothers talk to her on various occasions about moving to our home (parents usually don’t want children’s advice). Finally, she came around; we built an ADU. We could easily throw out all of her furniture and old things. We did keep her photos and useable clothing. (10 yrs later, she passed). Now, I am in process of getting rid of our things because of what we went through and don’t want our children to deal with.
My mother used to say that us kids would have to get rid of things we didn't want. My brothers left that job to me. It was emotionally hard as my home was in Florida and her home was in Kingman, AZ. I was there care giving her. I tried to get her to let me start gifting/passing on those things or letting go, but she refused. I am now in the process of letting go of a lot of things.
You have a right to be angry. I was very angry too when my mom left it all for me to deal with after she passed. It's going on 4 years now and I'm still not done. She refused to let me help her during her later years to at least get the non-sentimental things dealt with even after pleading with her over and over. "You can do that after I'm gone." It's so selfish to leave something to others to do what you're not willing to do yourself.
I agree, and I'm sorry you are dealing with that as well! @@karenh1723
He’s probably not joking
I'm in my mid 60's, and I purged 30 plus years of stuff before I sold my house and downsized. It took me 2 years. I'm so glad I did, as my energy levels have dropped as I am aging. I did not want to burden my children to deal with that after I am gone. My dad, on the other hand, is in his mid 80's and he has a 3-bedroom house full of stuff, multiple vehicles, and 2 garages' full of items too. My brother and I dread the day we will be faced with dealing with all of that.
Thank you for posting this! I’m helping an elderly lady with her home and I think she’s in denial about her age a little bit based on some conversations and I think she needs to have someone be a little honest with her about the reality of her things. She WANTS to do something, but mentally she is overwhelmed and she also doesn’t have great decision making capabilities anymore.
Great video! I have parents and in-laws who I feel are "organized hoarders." Neither home has a "goat path' to navigate, but too much stuff no matter how you look at it. IMHO - an insane amount of items for this stage of their lives - all ages 72 - 79. Heels have been dug in on both sides regarding departing with items. What you mentioned about storage units is also potentially an issue. I don't know if they exist or not. Ugh! One side collects stuff to prep for "just in case" and the other side is sentimental about EVERYTHING especially if it formerly belonged to another family member. So disheartening as there are very few adult children - (1 or 2) who have any time due to their own families to handle such a huge project. On a side note - I work PT for an organizing company that downsizes families - mostly seniors - so they can move to a different circumstance or stage in life. It is quite overwhelming to see what folks accumulate and especially what types of items. I have certainly learned a TON about the human brain/mindset.
Hi Sarah, so sorry to hear about your grandfather and all that you have been dealing with. My parents and mother-in-law all developed dementia in later life. My parents lived in a very large house for 60 years and over that time accumulated a hoard of clutter (I think dementia played a part in this). My dad passed away at home at 94 and we eventually had to urgently move mum into a nursing home during the pandemic. The task of clearing the house took my family a year and it was a real burden. My MIL, on the other hand, had led a simple life, had downsized to a small unit before moving to assisted living and then to a nursing home. The task of moving her was so much easier and accomplished in a day. This has had a profound impact on me and my husband, and has spurred us to drastically downsize our belongings and our life whilst we are able to do this for ourselves and to enjoy all the benefits that come along with it. Thank you for sharing your story with us.
Thank you for the kind words! It is very interesting to hear how different things were on each side of the family.
After helping clean out an aunt's place I went home and started to declutter my own!! Her place took of us almost a week!! We finally (high rise) put a note downstairs "ALL FREE in Unit #" They came in "hoards". SCARY!! But, yet it also got all the way cleaned out. The neighbors were so happy they even cleaned her stove, fridge, and all floors!! I'm ill, I want my place cleaned out with 4 people in under 3 hours!! DECLUTTER!! We can NOT take it with us! Leave your loved ones with memories of pleasure, not being upset.
Thank you for this video. I made my children a promise that I would never leave a house filled with excessive stuff, so while I am able to, I am decluttering. My nightmare will be dealing with my parents' belongings of many decades, after they pass.
Totally understand all of this. My mom just passed away a week ago. Luckily she had already gone through quite a bit of her things but it was still hard to go through what was left. It has motivated me.
Sorry for your loss😢
Excellent advice. Been there a few times already with other family members. Working on my husband’s belongings now. Also, working to see I don’t leave this kind of mess for my family. But it is difficult to do so I can understand how easy it is to put it off until you have no choice. Start young.
This is a great video. It gently boils down to the urgency to clear out by pointing out the existential shadow that hangs over us all. Thank you for this 💕
There are so many sad stories like this. When my grandparents died my parents had small kids and didn't live very close. They had 2 weeks left of rent paid and couldn't afford to pay for another month. So 40 years worth of belongings were sorted in 2 weekends. And some stuff that they decided to keep was put in black trash bags for transporting it home. In the turmoil, those most precious things got thrown out by mistake. That is a horrible trauma to have to deal with on top of a parent dying that week.
This is absolutely true and so stressful
Sincere condolences. Thank you for sharing. I’ll put precious things in blue clear recycling bags.
Sorry your family went through this. Thank you for sharing some action steps. If everyone had a memory box with their most treasured random things inside, ideally with a few notes explaining what it means to them, it would help so much. Sometimes only one family member knows that this thing that looks like junk was actually a special memory and things can be lost if someone has to clear out in a hurry. Throwing out the actual trash and junk right now - broken things that are not worth fixing, things no one ever liked, etc - would help so much later. We all have some. Every time I come home from helping my elders with their stuff I see my own stuff with new eyes. Dealing with it during a crisis or while grieving is not good for anyone. And wouldn’t we all like to live in a safe, clean, livable space as we age?
Love this idea!
Memory boxes are a beautiful idea, but they may mean something to us, but other people might not see it that way and just pass it on to thrift stores or sell them, so it really doesn't matter. 🤷 I truly believe that most things we hold onto (other than family history of course) are really just for us. Now if people have precious jewelry or valuable gold/silver/metals, other people might see value in that and just sell it for money or keep it after the owner is gone.
great suggestions. recently I got a medium sized dresser top jewelry box with drawers and I'm putting all my little things in there with notes so the kids will know what was important to me and/or our family history. Whittling stuff down to one box per topic, (1 box for me, 1 for my husband, 1 for genealogy research, 1 for photos.....), with clear labels, and notes inside attached to the items again so the kids can comprehend. I've never been a hoarder but over the years I've accumulated a fair amount of stuff. I can't stand the thought of my kids having to go through the anguish of having to throw things away while wondering if they were important to me.
Your grandfather is so lucky to have you, it’s fortunate your family can get him the care he needs. Dementia is very challenging for everyone involved. We have similar experiences, and this is exactly how I got motivation to begin my declutter journey- 😅I’m trying to encourage my parents as well. We were fortunate to be able to sort through my mother-in-laws belongings thoroughly- however we’ve at least doubled our items since we kept much of hers. Honestly, It was astonishing how much one person can collect over decades. We ended up doing her lifetime of decluttering; however, most of her treasured belongings, photos, and documents are with us. Lesson learned and I really don’t want us or our kids to have to inherit such daunting and emotionally challenging tasks. Thank you for this important reminder... my heart is with yours❤
Thank you so much for sharing your experience with such honesty and clarity. I especially appreciate the four points tying it together at the end. You have helped me refocus- I have twenty boxes left to go through from my move (I moved due to a decline in my heath).
My dad died with Alzheimer's, dementia, and colon cancer and to say he was a hoarder is an understatement. However, at some point in time the girlfriend (which was his ex wife prior to marrying and divorcing my mother - I have no idea how she managed to weasel her way back into his life) convinced him to change his will and my brother and I were subsequently let out. In one of my last two convos with my dad before he died he said he regretted how his life went and something along the lines of not taking care of us better. Of course I didn't know the extent of everything until he died and since I live in a different state it made matters more difficult. Anyway, the girlfriend took everything minus some boxes of stamps that were set aside for me. But never fear, my brother went there and said he would send them to me. This was over 10 years ago. Family...
(And maybe I should just be grateful I didn't have to deal with his hoard. But it does make me angry she took him for everything he was worth.)
I'm sorry your family had to go through all that but it certainly serves as a good reminder to us all not to burden our loved ones with our crap when we die. Perhaps we should all be doing Swedish death cleaning. 😅
I experienced something very similair as well and it’s what started my minimalism journey 2 years ago. I did not want my child to experience this if I became too ill to care for myself or when I pass. Thank you for this message, and I’m sorry about your grandpa. x
This is such an important video and something we all have to acknowledge about our adult selves- we will die someday, we just don’t know when, so we need to get our homes in order sooner than later. Between my husband’s late grandmothers home, a dear friends mothers home and my parents home that we all helped to clean out after their deaths, we have been determined to clear our stuff out and give to our adult children what they want now and getting rid of the rest of what we have decluttered. We moved into our retirement home 12 years ago and still have boxes we haven’t unpacked and those are what we are going through this winter, one box at a time. We aren’t going ultra minimalist but we are DECLUTTERING and that means off loading stuff that are still in boxes and other things that have been shoved in the back of closets and cabinets. We do not want our children have to go through a slew of stuff and then just get frustrated on top of grieving that they just bring it to the dump. The loved ones who departed that we cleaned out their homes and none of us even knew why they kept what they did about 90% of the time.
Thank you for making this video and reminding people how important decluttering is. I’ve been decluttering for months now. Sorry you had to go through that.
So important Sarah. Thank you for sharing. Out of sadness and hurry you've highlighted the necessity of proactively taking care of our belongings. If there are items you want to pass on to someone do it now, don't wait, then you can enjoy the exchange that could otherwise get lost in the mix of everything. Begin with the end in mind.
This past year I had a similar experience with my mother, unexpectedly. Luckily she had done just what you talked about - decluttered somewhat and downsized much of her home, boxed up and clearly labeled the antique or family items and so on. We still did have to take quite a bit of time getting rid of the rest of her possessions, clothing, kitchen items, and so on. It was by no means excessive for a single person household, but that just goes to show the 'average' amount of belongings can amount to quite a lot of work. I am sorry you had to experience those various kinds of loss, it is never easy.
I800 Got Junk Picks up for a Fee Donates.....
Their Mission! Is Too...
*DIVERT !!! From Landfills.
Thank you for the video. As a person who had to take care of my sister's & mom's estate (years apart) it was definitely a surreal, time consuming & overwhelming experience. That experience alone has stuck with me & has put me on an ongoing decluttering journey. Now days I make mindful purchases, use up what I have & only buy what I truly need. For anyone who is struggling to declutter, do it a little at a time but constantly while you're young & healthy. Don't save it until you are old or for your family to handle when you're gone.
I agree with you so much here! We have lost all four of our parents and after dealing with all of that, we vowed that we will never do that to our children. We decluttered everything we don't use or need and ended up becoming minimalists. It's such freeing and peaceful lifestyle. Our home is like an Airbnb and we love it! Great video! ❤
I’m sorry you and your parents are going through this. It’s wretched and gut wrenching for those left behind. Thank you!! My brother, aunt and mum (Nana) all died within 18 months of each other. I inherited 3 homes chockablock full of stuff! The other homes are vacation homes so they were ok. Four years on, I’m still going through boxes. Some I can’t do and those are marked accordingly. I’ve filled 3 skips of items that were not donatable or sellable. I feel like I’m drowning in complete chaos that I can’t get out of. I’m to the point that I’m just ready to chuck it all, I’ve taken the good things out. Pictures, China, family heirlooms, etc. Time to cut the cord and myself loose from the chaos. I have my own home to care for and keep tidy as I like it.
Excellent video. In recent years I have had a number of family bereavements and as a consequence clearing properties, the time and emotional toll it takes is considerable. Fortunately we were all in agreement with how all belongings should be handled. Family history is so important e.g. photo albums, this year I transferred all cinefilm to digital so future generations have an invaluable record of their history. I am a strong advocate for regular decluttering and do so on a regular basis focusing on different areas at a time, total household decluttering can be overwhelming. Thank you for all the your sound advise.
Thank you for sharing your grandpa's story! I must say, this was - for lack of a better way to word it - a rather difficult video to watch. I'm 65, and although I'm still on my game mentally, physically it's getting tough for me because of two hip replacements - one of which failed - and a knee replacement. I've tried to explain Swedish Death Cleaning (which is what you're talking about) to my son, but he doesn't seem to "get" it. As it is I am still contending with a house full of stuff my parents left when they passed five years ago. I feel like your video may be able to get the point across. Again, a heartfelt thank you!
This is a great video, and it’s very important. It seems that those who are from the silent generation and the early baby boomers have the issue of hanging on to things, thinking that their descendants will want it when they die.
If the person is still alive and of the right mind, it’s important to sit down and have the difficult conversation about decluttering. If there is a life changing moment, such as downsizing the living arrangements, it’s the perfect time.
This is an exercise that we’re (brother, caretakers and I) are working with my mother. While she already downsized when she moved into a retirement community, she still has a lot of clutter. We’re working through what gets preserved because it’s valid family history, what can get sold because there is monetary value in the item but no one wants it, what can get donated, and what needs to be trashed. We are also using the decluttering exercise to make sure her important papers (living will, power of attorney, actual will) are up-to-date should anything happen. On the positive side, my mother does update those once a year, so that part isn’t hard.
I agree with all of this!
Your story of needing to immediately declutter w/ family members for your grandpa is impactful. Thank you for sharing it, as well as giving insightful tips.
I'm really happy it was impactful! It really changed my perspective too.
I’m really sorry for what happened and for the added stress. Thank you for talking about this so matter of factly and compassionately! I’m still only young, but already I know I need to declutter. I think like many people my age I was basically raised as a consumer and it’s taking a lot of work to learn how to think and live differently. Hopefully I can do that and change my habits so that, instead of needing to have more big declutters as I grow older, I can avoid excess in the first place. That way most things either get used up, worn out, or are actually worth passing on. I don’t want to end up in this situation again and I certainly don’t want someone else to be left to deal with it!
This is a big wake up call for me. I am 57 and have a lot of stuff. I am on vacation from work this week, and my biggest focus is Decluttering. Thanks for this video.
One of the most important videos you've ever posted, Sarah, and as you can see, your experience is shared by so many, including me. I've been on the minimalist train for a few years, but especially after my parents both died in 2020. No gift is greater than sparing your family such stress when they are already grieving ❤.
So sorry, taking care of our aging parents and grandparents is really tough 💔
Live in az, feel the weight of this at the many thrift stores. Recently lost my own father who was frugal and a minimalist and even this was surprisingly hard. Thank you. Going from 2 houses to one now.
I'm sorry to hear about your grandfather's difficulties, I send him and your family my very best wishes x This video covered an important, but not often spoken about topic, so thank you for making it. A few years ago when my grandfather (who died in 2020) could no longer live alone and moved into my parents home, we had to deal with all the belongings that he and my grandmother had accumulated over the years and it was very difficult indeed. When my dad died in 2021 my mum - with the experience of having to sort out my grandad's house still fresh in her memory despite it having been several years earlier - decided to slowly start decluttering her own house, which in many ways I think helped her manage the grief at losing my dad.
I know for myself that decluttering has helped me manage difficult times in that since 2020 with the combination of the pandemic and my Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, I have become housebound. Thankfully (and thank's to Vera from Simple Happy Zen whose videos inspired me to embrace minimalism in 2018 I believe 🙂) I had already decluttered my home and turned it into a place of simplicity and calm which has made a very difficult nearly 4 years, easier than it would have been if my home was still as full of stuff as it had been previously.
Thank you for making this video, I hope it helps many people avoid the pain of having to deal with a houseful of stuff when life has thrown difficulty or grief in their direction.
I’m sorry your family is having to deal with all of this, Sarah. But, your message is such an important one to share! Sadly, I’ve experienced this twice in family situations and it was truly overwhelming. However, because of those experiences, I’m more determined than ever to continue on my journey to live more minimally. Take care. ❤
I'm sorry you had to go through this, Diane. These experiences definitely shape us and our actions.
Thank you for this impactful video, Sarah, and I'm sorry you had to go through this. It must have been sad and challenging.
I too, had to go through something similar. My mom and I traveled back to her home country last year to prepare my grandma's apartment for sale. We couldn't bring anything with us home (except her wooden sewing box that I have fond memories of) and could donate several items to neighbors, but 98% of the stuff was unfortunately thrown away by a company we hired. Fortunately, it was only a 350 sqft apartment, but still. It was disheartening and hard to see. Yet, the most important thing was that my grandma was no longer here and in the grand scheme of things, none of it was important.
Such an important topic to cover and you did it quite gracefully concerning your grandfather. I'm 71 and my husband is 73 ,we've been minimalists for around 13 years but listening to this makes me want to go even further. Thank you.
My in laws have been in their home for 65 years. It’s going to be so hard. My parents have streamlined and I’m so grateful. Our home is fairly minimal and I’m always paring down. If it would go in a dumpster when I die, I’m not keeping it.
OMG! My heart goes out to you and your family. It was good for your grandpa to have a family like yours. I hate to see good things go to waste and am doing everything I can to give away items no longer useful to me, but a real "find" for others.
It's so good to see you! I appreciate this video, as my MIL passed this year and my dad the year before. My mom is 93 and living alone, and doing very well, but she does have a lot of stuff! Been in the same house since 1969.
I did this in the six months of getting married and moving from my home state to Australia. I gave away ninety five percent to my daughters, a former sister in law and a good friend. The remaining three percent were donated, recycled or trashed. I bought the remaining two percent with me, clothes and a laptop along with shipping books and personal things. I had to spread so much of just what was in the kitchen on my living room floor. Could not believe how much kitchenware things there were.
My husband I have been decluttering and purging for the last 3 years. We have purchased a home and close in 2 weeks. The woman who has been in her home for 40 years and lost her husband 11 years ago. The amount of items in the home when we looked at it and during inspection were overwhelming. The family moved her to and independent living facility and had to ask for a 2 week extension on our closing because there was so much in the house, garage, crawl space and 4 storage sheds on the property. We met part of the family yesterday when we went by the house and they are exhausted, stresses and sad.
For some reason your comment reminded me of watching CZcamsrs like Curiosity Incorporated (and others) who purchase a hoarded house "As Is" and try to declutter them and look for treasures in the process. 😊 I'm sure it's stressful and emotion for family members though, but watching those videos is kind of entertaining..
Thank you for saying this! I just watched my parents go through something almost identical with my grandfather, and when I look at the garage stuffed to the brim at my parents house, I, fear that this will be my experience as well.
Sorry that you had to experience this eye opener. But thank you for your advice, I was a collector “had to have it” and now it has to go for the mental well being of my kids, when I’m gone.
I’m so sorry to hear of this sad & stressful time for you & your family, Sarah !
I am almost 64 & have 2 grown children, who live in different towns ( one even in a different state now). Happily , I have moved / downsized several xs over the years ( phew!) , but it’s still on my mind to purge more ! I have some donations ready to go by the door as I type. Dropped off 1 item earlier today & still have more progress to make !! To be fair , I HAVE made progress & it’s been noticeable for years. Yaaay ! This solemn & important reminder from you just spurs me on more ! Big blessings to you & your Family. I hope your Grampa likes his new home
Thank you! You have done great work so far and I know that will continue!
At 61, I feel like I am racing against the clock as far as getting my household in order for when I have to downsize or when I pass away. I live in an 800-square-foot apartment, but I have a 400-square-foot attic and 200-square-foot storage space, both full. As the family historian, I have an entire walk-in closet's worth of family photos and memorabilia. I've gotten rid of at least 100 boxes and bags of items over the past few years (including at least 25 cartons of books), but I feel like it's not fast enough. Having helped clean out my parent's house and my uncle's apartment after their deaths, I can attest to how stressful it can be. I'm hoping to make my passing as painless as possible for my heirs.
I'm also 61 and feel the same. After decluttering my parent's home I decided to declutter so that my family doesn't have to go through the same challenges of decluttering someone else's possessions. When I have a hard time letting go of something I just have to think of how difficult it was to declutter my parent's home. I certainly don't want my son to have to go through that process so it gives me a good incentive to declutter! I've gotten rid of an unbelievable amount of stuff and continuing to do so. Wishing you the very best, cheers from Ontario Canada. ❤🍂🍁
Also 61 and it does feel like a race against the clock. Lots of hoarded "projects" that I will never do in my lifetime. The 1st thing I worked on was paperwork, it was daunting and took forever, now it is physical items. I can't throw anything away so it is incredibly difficult to work through. Longing for simplicity.
I am 66 and feel no such urgency. I am very healthy and in no way am I ready to throw my life away. On average women live until 82 and man times longer. You probably have another 20 years. Stop giving up your life.
@@jonimitchell6962 I'm not giving up my life. I'm giving up STUFF that I no longer want or need. There's a huge difference. "Average" and "probable" ages are just that. You don't know anyone else's life expectancy. Two of my grandparents died at age 38. Another at 65. My mother died at 64.
And who wants to spend their final years burdened down with taking care of unwanted STUFF? Aren't there more fun things to be doing? Most women wait FAR too long to downsize, at which point they may be physically unable to manage their property and become a burden on others (this can happen overnight if you break a hip or come down with COVID). I know that lugging groceries and other items 70 feet from my car and up a flight of stairs to my second-floor apartment is not going to be something I want to do at 82, if I should be lucky enough to live that long.
@@jonimitchell6962 People die suddenly and no one is guaranteed tomorrow. From reading the comments, most responders don't want to burden their family and others with stuff.
I work in aged care and sadly, this is a common occurrence. Some people are very aware of the need to sort through their stuff and prepare.
But normally most people have no idea.
I’m working hard to ensure my own children will have an organised home and shed to go through when I die. Or am unable to maintain my home and myself.
They may not understand now why I’m so open with discussions I start about, ‘when I die’. They will when the time comes.
Truly a nightmare. I don’t think kids of this generation will have the patience or time to deal with this huge burden. Decluttering and living simply truly make life easier. Dealing with such a situation especially in a sad/stressful time is extra hard. Personal anecdotes such as yours drive home the point better than a regular video.
Such a good reminder to all of us at any age and a reminder to encourage family to work on this all along the way.
Everyone and retires need to watch this . Especially is alheimers runs in the family. Great topic!
Thank you for sharing your experience. It was so helpful to watch your video. My brother and I just went through this last month when we needed to move both my parents into assisted living. My dad was going to be transferred directly from his skilled nursing facility into the assisted living place. It was a very challenging time when we were trying to declutter their condo within a few weeks and my mom didn’t want to part with anything. So we let her pack a box of memorabilia while my brother and I tried to sort through the rest of their things. Once she moved into their new place, she finally understood why she couldn’t keep everything. I tried to get my parents to declutter before this but they didn’t want to. It is hard to make for decisions for family when time is an issue.
Wise advice.
I also have been there, with parents, and am mindful to have low inventory low in our home, so our children have less to deal with when that time comes.
I'm sorry you also had to deal with this, but it is great that you are preventing your children from needing to deal with that!
I just am going through this with my mother and it is unreal the amount of stuff people can accumulate without even thinking about it. I am a “declutter” type person and always asked my mother to go through her things, but it became too late as of August. Now I am stuck trying to empty her house so we can sell it. I think it is just something people don’t want to face nor do they believe the day will be soon. It is so good to have this video out there- I applaud you for tackling this emotional journey. God bless.
Please do take this great advice. My entire house top to bottom currently contains my parents treasured belongings. I am currently paying for one large storage unit that houses their furniture. The amount of stress and anxiety having this situation in my family’s lives is soul crushing. My heart and prayers go out to anyone facing or who has faced this situation. ❤️🙏
You make some really excellent points. My mom is in a facility and waiting for another facility right now, and a few of us are going through the house trying to declutter various areas. Thankfully, I generally declutter my own things on a regular basis, so I'm used to it. But my dad, not so used to it.
It doesn't help let people keep reminding my mom that we're decluttering, and she's having a fit because of some of the things that she isn't and hasn't been using,, or can't use.
Same thing happened to my dad🥲 We had to move my dad a few times in assisted living homes. We had not tackled him home for years since we had moved him. We spent some time at the house and I tried to find all photos etc. We took some furniture to consignment but paid someone to come in and clear the rest of it out to take to the dump. It broke my heart…..always thought it would be different if mom was still alive, but she had passed 15 years earlier.
Great message❤️
Sarah we are so sorry to hear about your grandfather. Yes decluttering now is very important. After my mom died from cancer we had to clean out her condo but between my sisters and I we were able to go through things give things to Goodwill and divide personal stuff amongst us 4. Although my mom did get rid of a few things when she was diagnosed with cancer. RJ and I have been getting rid of things over the years and we're still decluttering because we're both in our 70s and having some physical issues. Thanks Sarah for sharing your family's story. Sending hugs ❤
Thank you, Cathy! Sending hugs back!
I am 72 and disabled. I have begun a process of throwing out items from my personal life and career each trash pickup day. I am storing currently needed belongings in easily accessible soft totes and gym bags. Whoever clears out my house will be able to pick them up already packed. Many days when I dirty a cloth while cleaning, or a piece of clothing while gardening, or a linen napkin while eating, instead of washing it as I used to do, I throw it away. I just decided today to take down pictures, mirrors, sconces, and shelves off the walls and place them in oversize garden carrying totes to be instantly portable. I've looked at and enjoyed them long enough. This gradual process of distilling my overall daily environment seems right and good. It is a way of blessing those who remain after I go.
But don't stop living before you die
We went through a similar situation. We didn’t have much time and things were given away to quickly. Thank you for sharing .
This was me in the wake of my mom passing. It's something I wouldn't wish on anybody. There were some things we took to consignment, and we had four different yard sales, and donated or trashed most of the rest. It was a real game changer for me, and I don't ever want my kids to be in that position. Most of my pics and ancestry information are in cloud, and I have the passwords and access in a place where my kids will be able to access that. Aside from my car, my household items (cookware, etc), and my furniture, my other possessions could pretty much fit easily into a walk in closet.
I found that the story connected to the item is important. Especially knick knacks. If you know the provenance and the emotional backstory, those items will feel more important. If you don't know the story, there's little reason to keep those items. Even if you don't keep them, taking photos will help keep those stories alive in your mind.
My mother passed in April of this year. I went through all my photos and shredded many. I am the ones that bring me joy and that is all I need.
So sorry... I already suffered this experience twice and it was devastating
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I'm sorry you had to go through it too.
Hi Sarah...I'm so sorry to hear about your Grandpa. We never know when our loved ones will pass. It is very hard to go thru their belongings knowing they will never be back. I have been getting rid of even more things so I don't leave stuff for my kids to have get a dumpster for. Everytime I go to town I try to take a load of stuff to the donation bin. And I am giving the kids what they want now. Life goes by quickly.
You are so kind, Jenny! What you have done is amazing!
@@AbundantlyMinimal Thanks you Sarah❤❤❤
Thank you for being so brave to share your story.
My wife and I are in our 60s and have lived in our home for over 30 years. Needless to say, we have way, way, way too much stuff. I keep suggesting that we go through things and get rid of what we haven't used in years/will never use again. She's not very interested in doing that.
I've been working on my stuff, but don't dare touch anything that is "ours"... I know it's all going to become a big problem in the future when we're not as physically/mentally able to deal with it...
It isn’t just death, illness can make it very difficult to clean your home. I broke my left elbow & tore my right rotator cuff on my shoulder after a fall. Everything was difficult & took many months to be able to do things as I once did. I took the decision to clear out stuff which my daughter was happy to have, either to replace items she had, or to add for a boot fair. I felt good passing it on as she has no issues of getting rid of stuff, one way or another.
Yes i hear you . New subscriber.
We lost my mum in april as an only child i had to help dad through it. Mum was a closet hoarder ...tidy but oh wow...i had no idea! There was stuff everywhere..we did donate a load of stuff...i am now going through my stuff so its not all on my children.
I would like to throw out there that many charities will come with a truck if you have a lot of items for donation. Think St. Vincent’s, etc. it would be good to call around, as then all you do is box things up and they come and haul it away.
But your message is important, those of us who are able to declutter should do so when possible so that others don’t have to make the decisions for us.
So sorry to hear about your grandpa, I lost mine about 13 years ago from complications from type 1 diabetes. Give him hugs when you can while you can, It still hurts today to think of mine ❤
Great video. Thank you for sharing your story.