The Kids Are Not Alright: A Russian Adoption Story
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- čas přidán 30. 08. 2012
- Adoptive mother of Russian daughter shares experience with Reactive Attachment Disorder. Visit my web site at: www.juliaandme.com. Order my book, "Rescuing Julia Twice" on Amazon.com at: www.amazon.com/gp/product/1613...
I was adopted from Russia when I was almost 2. I was abused in the orphanage. I'm adopted in a loving home. I'm dealing with attachment issues now that I'm a older teen.
In 1999 we adopted our only child from Siberia. I am so thankful he did not have attachment syndrome. He is an amazing young man! I am also thankful that you are an amazing mom and exactly who your daughter needed.
i was adopted around 3 years of age from Russia and am now in college studying psychology and when i found out about this disorder i was extremely surprised how much i have in common with these children, i definitely did not and do not display acts of "rage" but i do not connect with my mother very well at all and tend to be cynical towards affection, for awhile i thought it was just an independent way of thinking but now i realize that this disorder manifests in lots of levels and it helps me understand why i am the way i am at the moment in my life.
Thank you so much for this comment!
katiebugxo123 I too was adopted (age two). I studied a Bachelor of Art in Psychology and Sociology. Whilst doing research for my postgraduate dissertation in Sociology- I stumbled upon RAD.
I guess it's a step closer towards healing, understanding, and ultimately (self)-forgiveness.
Good luck x
katiebugxo123 is
I was adopted from Russia as well!
Maybe you have fibromyalgia, chronic fatigue, perhaps you don't have frequent enough bowel movements. Don't find a crutch and excuse for your behaviors.
It is scary just how important the first few months of life are for a child. If it is dysfunctional, studies seem to show that child will be disturbed in some fashion for life. Don't stay in an abusive relationship if you are going to have a baby, get out now!
I was adopted in 1960 x by a lovely mother that was told she couldn’t give birth naturally ! She always told me I was wanted ! That I was adopted and went on with my father to adopt 3 more ! We were a fabulous family x yes I was honest at school and told by innocent kids thats not your real mum !! Really upset me at the time especially with the drama Cathy come home prevelant ! Of course she was my mum ! After giving birth my self and learning a little bit more about life it dosnt take giving birth to be a mother !! When I was 12 years of age my mother naturally fell pregnant ! Matthew my darling baby brother was born 1972 xxx he died of a brain tumour when he was 12 x I will never get over that ! The moral of the story I suppose is adopted or not a mother raises and nurtures ! I still wonder about that poor lady that gave birth to me and never knew my outcome ! I lost my mum 2 years ago xx
You sound like a treasure.
Thank you for sharing your story. So beautiful. I want to adopt kids with my husband. xx
"Takes away the possibility of lovely moments" - So well said! My foster son came to live with me when he had just turned 2 years old. Everytime I felt close to him and thought we were having a real bonding moment, his face would go blank and he'd hit me in the face. Later he'd walk over to me and bury his head in my lap, then half a second later he'd hit me on the head with his firetruck. A little later still he'd cry out for me and then push me away. I never felt this helpless before. But things are getting so much better now and he isn't even 3 yet :-)
Sounds like a perfectly normal little toddler that is testing your personality. It's not because of lacking emotions. He is testing you.
@@phalarisbajandsmithart534 There is a big difference, believe me.
@@annaf3915 is everything well now? How are you and him getting along? I hope all is well ☺️
@@rileywilson7434 Thanks for asking! I meant to reply yesterday but just then little bug woke up and came into my room :-) He is 5 now and dealing with separation anxiety which is a huge step forward from where we`ve been. Everything became easier once he learned to talk and I knew what was going on inside of him. For example, when he was furious at me and screamed that he saw me hit his older brother in the face, I knew that old memories were resurfacing and he was starting to see me as a mother figure, overlapping with his previous experience of a mother. And when he had flashbacks, instead of just freezing and then being violent he could describe what he was seeing. He started to pretend to be a baby and found a way to relive his early childhood with me.
I think he was able to improve so much in a relatively short time because even though his parents let him down when he was a baby, his brother always gave him cuddles and bonded with him, even though he`s only 2 years older and was helpless himself. Now his brother has also been removed from the biological family and doesn`t trust anyone anymore except his brother. So now the roles have been reversed...
@@annaf3915 Good to hear! I'm glad that's he's able to express himself now instead of becoming violent. I'm happy that he's getting well taken care of, you seem like a good mother! I pray that both of you live good and fruitful lives!❤️ Stay safe x
Wow! This kid got the right mother. What a strong, articulate, beautiful mother.A great mentor!
not everyone is lucky enough to have such mother.. i dont even have her myself
"Articulate" yes she's a journalist.
I was adopted in 2003 from northern Russia and have RAD as well as C-PTSD. Its truly devastating how much the disorder is demonized by so many 'behavorial health specialists'. Unfortunately i was rejected and thrown back into the system within the states because of my attachment hardships. But one thing i will say and promise is that what i wanted more than anything was to have a mom and dad who would not give up on me. Ive always had a longing and grief within. Whats hard is that reactive attachment is stigmatized so much off only the behaviors without putting the traumas into consideration. There isn't a lot of study on the disorder but I do know that not every child with RAD has split or MPD and unfortunately when spoken about the disorder that seems to always be subjected with it. From personal experience the specialists primarily sympathied with the adoptees and pretty much came to the conclusion that 'there's nothing more you can do.' and supported on putting the child back into the system.
I appreciate the compassion that this woman has. There is hope for these children. I hope peope will understand that these attachment hardships can be healed; it just may take longer for some.
The heart is broken when your child repeatedly rejects you. I gave my all and the very best was a custodial "role" in my adopted daughter's life. I am heartened to hear this story. But, all the love and attention in the universe cannot heal the damage done to many of these children. She did not get better over time, but much worse. When she was older, bigger and physically independent there was violence, running away for days, the police, juvenile court, attorneys... The experts stated Attachment Disorder and Fetal Alcohol Encephalopathy. My past, present and future were destroyed. I am a ghost of who I used to be.
I can recognize these behaviors I used to have having grown up in a crazy, alcoholic household. I went to sleep as a young child with strangers partying in my house, drinking and loud music. I was so used to the chaos that I found it scary when it was quite and "normal." Normal was uncomfortable for me and I didn't like it. I was used to loud music, drunks fighting, and screaming.
Dalester1979 I can relate. My home not as bad in that way, but my mother was a slob, house always filthy...i have to force myself to clean up. Its the familiarity with chaos that is comforting, but its not good either. Life is better clean, calm and organized. I am working on feeling the positives of that, undo the early wiring. Good luck to you.
Interesting. Never thought of that. I grew up in a culture where there are always lots of people around, noise (positive and negative) and I actually find those quiet country and suburban places quite sad, even scary. On the other hand, I enjoy quiet, but it has to be in that lively, noisy larger environment.
I adopted a 7 year old boy from Lagos, Nigeria. He was living in the street gutters, and not going to School. Although I started with trying to establish a physical bond through lots of affection & contact, I could never trust that he would respond appropriately. He frequently ran away from home. As he became a teenager his problems with defiance, increased, and he was assessed as having special educational needs. His education at 4 different schools broke down, and he started criminal activity, harming another teenager. This resulted in a 6 year prison sentence. I had not heard of RAD until this vlog, but it explains so much. Thank you
I was an older Korean adoptee. My mother & I never really bonded. I always wanted to go home, & I missed my family.
:( so sorry
That is so heartbreaking💔. I’m sorry as well❤️.
Hope you're doing well!
I was a baby, but she was a sociopath if not psychopath.
So where are you now and how are u? If u don’t mind me asking
r.a.d. is a hard one to deal with, not impossible. I've had 5 foster kiddos with it, hang in there it gets worse before it gets better
@@alykkt troll.
It doesn't get better.
What's weird about this is my oldest bio child was never one to be cuddled. He was always very active and smart, and rarely slept. He never once fell asleep during a car ride. He was awake all day as a baby, never napped. He only slept at night and didn't even sleep that well at night til he was older. The thing is i know i was very careful with my diet, no alcohol or drugs during pregnancy. Not even caffeine. I was very loving and nurturing toward him but he was not open to that. My other two bio children were not like him. They were very open to cuddling and bonding. He was not close with them either, ever. Still confuses me to this day. He is 23 now.
He could be autistic or something else. If you're so confused why didn't you get him checked psychologically/neurologically?
I was adopted at 13 and I am 35 now and still got those tendencies as him. Like the lady said we programmed through ourselves to be wired like this. No love and mostly pain as a child will make us do this. Trust and relationships are very difficult because we don't know where we belong but at the same time we're selfless deep down
Yes, they're very charming. " I'm going to be a special ed teacher ...I feel connected to these kids"..very charming little girl
When I was 1 I was abandoned at a hospital in Russia. I went into an orphanage and then moved to another one when I turned 3 in Khabarovsk my name was Dasha Aleksivna Zakirovna. At 5 I got adopted by an amazing family of 2. Now I’m 18 and still searching my way around.
Даша Алексивна Захаривна? Такого имени нет в России. Даша-это детское имя,уменьшительное от Дарья.
Даша Захарова?
Полное имя Дарья Алексеевна Захарова..
Вашего биологического отца зовут Алексей Захаров. Если вы знаете номер вашего детского дома и город в котором вы родились........вы сможете найти биологических родителей в России и других родственников. Но правильно произносите ваше русское имя.
В любой стране приемные семьи в большинстве являются хорошими и любящими . Проблема другая...... Как правосудие реагирует на преступление против приемного ребенка . В США. суды регулярно оправдывали. усыновителей совершивших преступление против русских детей . Много вопросов к американской. Юстиции . Но. большинство американских усыновителей . это очень хорошие люди ,как во всем мире . Государство должно защищать детей . Если это государство не защищает права приемных детей (русских).значит это государство является враждебным для России.
When I see how phoney, charming and engaging he is to strangers, it makes my heart break.Theres nothing there, there's no genuine emotion ...all charm and emptiness. " I wanna help people like me. I wanna save my sisters"..meanwhile he's wreaking havoc in school and home. That phoney smile and empty voice...I'll never forget RAD and what it does to families
That's beautiful, you should never give up on a child.
What a beautiful and warm hearted human being you are! Thank you for sharing both your pain and happiness.
+Milanka You want us to stop getting hold of your kids. Why did these kids end up in the orphanage to begin with. If u take care of your own and not abandon them. That will be completely different story
Milanka Go away. You small minded vile creature. YOU and those like you are what is wrong with the world. You keep commenting all over this channel. Yet you are so full of hate and so uneducated in your own history. And you have a heart of coal and would prefer these children to have been raised in orphanages then in homes. That is american homes because NO ONE FROM THEIR OWN COUNTRY WANTED THEM! There is no getting through to you. Why don’t you do something for your people instead of sitting on youtube making numerous vile inaccurate comments!
Give them back to the russian people you say. The russian people didn’t want them you immature creature. Get your head out of some cold world era bull shit and grab a chair at the adults table. Your people could not care for them and did not want them. Learn your own history that you keep telling us you are so proud to be part of. Look at the adoptions with in Russia over the last three decades. Things are changing thank god but before NO ONE ELSE WANTED THESE CHILDREN. I am ignoring you from now on. You obviously aren’t all there.
i bet you failed psych 101. the child's race is Caucasian. her birth place is Russia. Russia has at least 185 different ethnic groups. you talk as though you are still in Russia: why don't YOU adopt some of these children? why don't your peers adopt some of these children? why doesn't your government set up good foster homes where the children can receive quality compassionate care from infancy and up? because you Russians failed this child and thousands of these children, not this mother.
I first heard about Reactive Attachment Disorder on a "Law and Order" episode in 2002. Thank you for sharing! We never gave up on our son- a domestic, social service adoption. He is now 18, still with us, and healing every day. Hoping that more hear our stories and reach out for help. Hoping that there is help out there for everyone who needs it.
Thanks so much for sharing this. We adopted children from Russia in 2001, rehomed them in 2005 and now the youngest is back with me at the age of 18. My marriage did not hold out because the older girl was a genius at triangulation.
When you spoke of your daughter’s gifts your eyes lit up. You are a good mother.
i was adopted from Russia when i was 3 years old and i was diagnosed with RAD i have overcome it mostly now that i am 17 and i do struggle with it but therapy helped a lot when i was young
Don't listen to a rad diagnosis. It's just a made up diagnosis. What you need is to let yourself be the Russian girl you are. Without your Russian part of the story.. You will never open up. You have lots of love in your heart.. The thing is that you have been told everything about what is "wrong with you", not what a wonderful girl you are. And how loving you are. And "force-fed" with cuddles. You have the right to be the person you are. Russian and Norwegian people are not cuddles. We are deeply loving and calm people that are more of the philosophical type. And we are two very artistic countries. That's a huge part of our culture, blood and upbringing. Let out yourself and be proud of yourself as the girl you are. The most wonderful and artistic girl on the planet. Don't ever let people tell you how you are "supposed to be" or "suppose to feel". We are no slave people. We must love our selves and we do love others but we are just in a way bigger need of space for thinking. That's how we Norwegians and Russians are built.
You go girl! You don't have rads.. It's a fantasy diagnosis. Don't believe it.. Don't live it... LEAVE IT! Be yourself. You are just wonderful just the way YOU are. So open that closet and be the wonderful Russian girl you are. You are not someone's doll. You are yours only. You are just perfect❤️
@@phalarisbajandsmithart534 🤡
this is why you go for help and not give up, because you might just help this child bond
Those who have not parented a child with RAD can not understand and therefore, can not judge. I loved, helped, supported in many ways my asian adopted son with severe RAD. In 20 years nothing did it. I refused to give up even if all the members of the family were badly affected. It took me alot of years and understanding of the condition before I could let go of the feeling of guilt and the feeling of faillure. Once I achieve this state of realisation (after 23 years) that nothing I could of said of done would have made a difference (because I tried just about everything), I regained my hapiness of living. I will always have the sadness that he is not happy but there is nothing I can do about it.
They are saying this is due to orphanages, but I think they are not understanding the issue fully. This is also due to cultural and ethnic issues. These kids know they've been ripped from their language and culture. I remember talking to my husband about international adoption, even when our (biological) kids were babies. I was saying, you know, that would be like if our child right now would go live with couple in China, or Russia. Babies, right from the beginning, already know the smells, the language, the food, the tastes of their country. I have 3 kids. Each of them, you could tell they needed their ''normal''. It would be an extremely distressing situation to just rip them away to some strange place. LOVE DOES NOT CONQUER ALL. Russian people are very strong people. (My grand-father was Russian, I have an idea). They are extremely connected to their heritage and to their country. I think this mother is very kind, and clearly she has done all she can to make things work with her adoptive daughter. But the fact remains… And you know, here in Canada people are still crying about residential schools (the native people were sent to residential schools to learn English) and 3 générations later they are still having effects from it. International adoption is even worse. The people adopting these kids don't have bad intentions, but they are completely naive, in my opinion.
Thank god you didn't"t give up on Julia! My brother and his wife needed your book 16 years ago... their daughter is exactly as you describe despite their efforts to give her a good life. You will help many parents of adopted children.
What became of their daughter? Were they ever able to find treatment? Were they ever able to bond as a family?
What an amazing woman and story!
Your story really touched me. I am living a similar story with my 10 year old adopted daughter from Russia. I feel discouraged almost every day and have had a difficult time finding qualified help for her. Thanks for reminding me that I am not alone in this difficult journey! Looking forward to reading your book!
God bless this woman.
This diagnosis is awful. I hate RAD with a passion. I love my daughter but I hate RAD. I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy. It is the hardest thing I have ever dealt with in my entire life.
+Gabriela Stoner I worked with RAD kids in school setting, and I totally concur. You have my respect, love, and prayers.
Agreed. It’s horrible
Imagine how the child with RAD feels as those disconnect feelings inside of them often erupt without warning and the desire to connect is so strong. This internal battle is so real and so overwhelming. It takes a long time of feeling save enough to begin to trust that you will be okay.
@@carinagrennan129 If the child consistently can be assigned with a one-on-one trained behavioral mentor to continue the counterintuitive parenting done at home, this is very helpful. Counseling will help the therapist direct the parents and mentor work in concert, and evaluate progress from child's perspective.
thank you so much Angela for telling me your story. I know exactly what you mean about hanging in! And how it's worth it. All the best to you and your son
You r a wonderful woman, i love u. U seem bohemian style ,the music, your beautiful long hair. I'm crying right now cuz i miss my grandma, she died from cancer, she's the only person who loved me . She never raised a hand to me, i was difficult . I knew no one loved me but her. A child know's.
Thank you for sharing your story as I too am struggling. I adopted a group of four siblings from Russia almost ten years ago and we are still trying to work through all of their individual diagnoses. I am very grateful to know that I am not alone and that people like you are sharing your story to help others:)
God Bless you for loving your daughter enough to fight for her.
wow! thanks for sharing! I can't even image how difficult this has been for you and your family!
You're obviously a very good person and mother.
Bravo !!! you are a very strong woman! you did a very good job
Thanks for sharing Melissa. Definitely not alone. Lots of us know this life and it's wonderful to have a community around us that understands one another
U kept her, good for u.
You have to be a saint to go through with an adoption.
She was really powerful. Nice video and nice lady.
It's amazing that you were able to turn it around!
Thank you for sharing this important discovery! Amazing you could get over it!!! GBY!
I'm married to a guy with a such a kid... He's not adopted. He sees his mum, but lives with us...That's really hard for me. We struggle a lot but I really believe that he will be a wonderful person when he grows up. Thank you very much! You inspired me for not giving up.❤ By the way,
I'm from Novosibirsk, Siberia, where Julia was adopted from)
What a lovely person she is. What a beautiful story grown from a difficult situation. Through difficulty and focus a life emerges that would not be as bright without her. Wonderful. Thank you for sharing.
Absolutly wonderful story I love learning and listening to these documentary i think she is amazing
I read your book while i was searching for answers for why my son, who I adopted at age 18 months old. He wasnt adopted from another country, he came from an extended family member of my husbands. Not only do we struggle with attachment and the fear based reactions but also his prenatal experience includes drugs, alcohol and domestic violence which also caused central nervous system damage. The term used most often now is complex trauma and we are learning theraputic parenting to meet this head on day in and day out so he has a chance at healing and enjoying his childhood. Hes 11 years old now and still can quickly turn around and fall back into his traumatic babyhood and respond from that place but we carry on with determination.
Thank you for not give up👑👑
It is good this mother finially came around.
Bless your heart. You are such an awesome mother. Thank you for not giving up on her. She is a precious gift from God to your family. It's as if her birth mother was chosen to bring her into the world. But, you were chosen to be her mommy. God bless you and keep you and your beautiful family.
I'm so sorry for your traumatic experience growing up. But, you see I am unable to have anymore children. I am grateful for the one son I do have. I have three in Heaven waiting and watching for me. But, if my health was better and I wasn't disabled I'd love to adopt a child from here in America or from any country, for that matter. I do my best not judge anyone until I've walked in their shoes. Not everyone is the same nor is their situation or life. I have cousins that were adopted. How do we know my aunt and uncle weren't deceived into thinking they were legally adopting my cousins, through an adopting agency here in the states. One of my cousins was adopted from Romania. My point in telling you is that not everyone that illegally gets a child knows that it was not done legally. They could not have children and wanted a child of their own to love and cherish. So, that is what they did. The majority of folks that adopt a child from Europe or any other country think they are doing it legally without hurting anyone and certainly without the knowledge that the child was taken from the mother. So, again I am sorry for unfortunate experience but, plz don't judge and put everyone in that category of purposely taking advantage and ruining the child's life. You don't know everyone on Earth to make that assumption. Oh and btw, I do not trust Psychologists. I took Psychology for six years. Then became a born again Christian. So, The Lord has revealed a lot of things to me in the past few years. Psychology can help a very small amount of people. They have a label and name for everyone and everything that comes into their offices. But, through Jesus Christ all things all possible. What is impossible for man is possible for God. God bless you, Shalom
So let me get this straight....you would prefer that these children, in this case from Siberia, were left in an orphanage where they have little to no chance of being adopted by their own people?!
The reason that oversees adoptions occur in the first place is due to the oversupply of unwanted children.
I do not understand your bitterness.....one world, one people. Peace.
Julie Beaumont plz tell me this comment was directed to Milanka.....because the response went under mine instead lol
Milanka holy shit you're a ripe piece of work. something loose in there, i can hear it.
Ashley Grayson She has commented all over this channel and is a total POS.
The only way to stop the devastating effects of attachment disorder in adopted children is to educate and train very thoroughly the prospective parents. There has to be long term follow up and support for the families as the problems emerge over time and most parents do not want to face them at first. Parents are in denial and ignorance during the most vital time for bonding. We have to get very specific about symptoms.
that's not the "only way to stop" it. one way is to help women prevent pregnancies from occurring in the first place. the next way to stop it is for societies to create systems wherein infants, babies and children are not stock piled in institutions where they experience institutional neglect.
I agree. Never give up on a child. RAD needs more recognition - and resources.
Thank you for share your experience.
Thank you for sharing your story ❤️❤️❤️
What a wonderful, intelligent courageous woman. Respect.
Great mom!
So much respect for this woman who put her entire heart and soul into bringing up this child!
I am an adoptive mum and my daughter has this syndrome definitely.I feel trapped and I need help.It's indeed like having to raise a wild animal without having the optimism that one day you will love each other.
just accept it, the best way to "bond" with an adoptive child is to act with him like he was a close friend. or the kid of a friend living with you. Specially if u adopted her at late age (+5yo). When u stop thinking about the kid as an emotional toy, things will go for the better. But it doesnt mean u stop acting like a parent regarding regular topics like school and house rules ect.
Just act like a parent, but dont expect anything from her. And then she'll start seeing you as a legitimate mom and not someone who's TRYING TO BE HER MOM, because ultimately u arent. And i'm saying that to u as an adopted child, who consider my adoptive family like if they were my biological family. All of that after some really hard times.
The biggest mistake u could possibly do, is to ask emotional response to your sollicitations from her. Give her love, without waiting response, and eventually, she'll realize she loves u back, even tho she will maybe never show it to u.
What a beautiful story! These are adoptive parents who refused to give up on their adoptive child no matter what, now that's true love. God bless!
What do you people EXPECT when you adopt? I continue to read these accollades to this woman who made a choice and ALL children have issues, no heroes here! My mom had 7 and we all have something we are dealing with in our adulthood! Deal with it. End of story .
You call this a "beautiful story?" This is typical of any child, just a different diagnosis. I cant believe anyone adopts with such high expectations!!! Its just a matter of exactly WHAT the child is going through... shock that this woman is hailed as a hero. Kinda like adopting a dog: if you cant deal with its "issues " along the way, and keep it for its lifetime, DONT ADOPT A DOG. Except, this is a CHILD, a HUMAN BEING. go get yourself some help, spoiled spoiled and more spoiled !
Trust must be earned
Bob, that is exactly why I've written my book, Rescuing Julia Twice. We need to share our stories. Please check it out on Amazon or at your bookstore
+Tina Traster Thank you for sharing your experiences as an adoptive mother.
Translate-google is constantly making mistakes when puts some Russian words. I fix them of the mistakes my comments.
You also have the opportunity to fix them your mistakes. You have not used violence and rigid insulation against your daughter. You are not such as Attachments therapists. You have the chance to strengthen and expand the positive interaction with your daughter.
михаил лапин it's absolutely okay to feel both angry about inter-country adoption and protective of the children. Adoptive parents don't have all the answers and often make huge mistakes, just as biological parents do. It is good and admirable that you feel strongly, vulnerable children need advocates.
+CelticCounselling
Unfortunately we were too late. The American side 10 years ignored the claims of Russia on an incorrect interaction the American with adoptive Russian children. The United States would not listen to Russia. They relied on the experience of the Romanian adoption . But Romania was a different situation and Romanian children have a different mentality .... unlike the Russian mentality. Romanian orphans were reckless injury Ceausescu politics and the lack of health and education in Romanian orphanages.
Russian orphans have received psychological trauma during the transition from socialism to capitalism. Ie sistepa support low-income families and orphans support was destroyed during the change of the political system. It is a change of power structures has led to the emergence of street children and orphans in the mass poyaleniyu Russia. In 90 years, all the benefits enjoyed by the children during the Soviet period have been canceled. Everything was very expensive (detskayaya clothing, food, medicine, education ...). You will be able to understand this brutal change if you know that during the Soviet period, all baby products (baby food, books, clothes) cost only 13% of the real value. Health care and education were available and free for all children. Vouchers to kindergartens, children's sanatorium and summer health camps for children are free or have had 13% of the value of the real price. Old Russian and Russian children are the first to hit by the economic and political changes in Russia . In this situation .... Russians are not perceived as an American blagodeyateley and saviors. Many people thought the United States responsible for the tragedy which occurred in Russia and the Russian people. Of course this is a controversial issue and a real understanding of the situation nastupet not fast. But it was clear that the Russian children are suddenly deprived of all privileges and were thrown into the street free flight. Older children certainly noticed this change attitudes. Many of the children at that time asked, "Now Russia does not like us?" "Why?"
6-7 year-old orphans were able to understand that international adoption is associated with money. Many children were convinced that Russia sells them and this has nothing to do with salvation and mercy. Of course it is very difficult to bring up such children are sure that parents and homeland betrayed their. These children did not believe adoptive parents, and were disappointed in all adult. The Russians quickly realized this and began to take steps to draw closer to the American adoptive parents and take part in the support and education of Russian children in the United States. But the Americans took it as an invasion of privacy and rejected Russian interference. Then began a tough confrontation and mutual accusations. Intervened political and economic factors. Thus mutual understanding has not been reached but the confrontation escalated sides.
The main mistake of the American side was sure that Russian children happy to break with Russia and Russian culture. Allegedly, the children want to live in a family and cultural differences are not important for children.
But the connection is very strong and the Russian culture is very powerful ..... impossible to break this link is easy and painless for children.
+CelticCounselling
If you want to better understand what happened in Russia in 1990-2003 ... you can see the "Italian" - a film by Andrei Kravchuk in 2005.
This is a very honest film about the international adoption, Russian provincial orphanage and Russian orphans period 1990-2000. In this film, there is no desire preukrasit reality. But you can see the scale of the tragedy that occurred in this period, with Russian orphans.
ok.ru/video/5367465240
It's not just institutionalized internationally adopted children. I think each child's ability to bond or adapt or not is as unique as each child. There are so many children right here in the US that have these same issues.
The world isn't safe to an abandoned child. It's not complicated. The counterintuitive aspects aren't going anywhere. Love unconditionally (emphasis on unconditionally).
So well explained! How is Julia today? Is there a sequel? Does Julia, herself have a video to share?
Man, I wish more parents that adopted Russian kids were given the tools to help bond with them. My childhood was strict rules, baby monitors, locked doors with alarms at night and being told that I wasn't loved and my adoptive mom wished she had never adopted us. It was another orphanage.
so sorry hope you are ok now
Thank you!
I adopted a wonderful 5 yo boy and it could not have gone any better. Socially a bit shy but has grown into w kind compassionate young man. I had the feeling he would turn out to b one happy health miracle child and he did!!
прекрасно. Но вы же не пытались искать в ваших детях изъяны? Настоящая мать всегда оправдывает своих детей и пытается защитить их
Фальшивая мать быстро соглашается что ее ребенок бракованный и испорченный
Фальшивая мать любит себя но не ребенка . Она хочет быть совершенством ,но втаптывает в грязь ребенка . Настоящая мать никогда не огдасит чужим людям диагноз своего ребенка . Фальшивая мать напишет много книг в которых огласит реальное имя ребенка и диагноз ребенка . Фальшивая мать думает о своей популярности и карьере журналиста но не думает о ребенке
I so appreciate that you did not give up on this little one. You have to admit that you are a pretty amazing mother/person and not the norm.
I remember listening to my first lecture on reactive attach disorder and wondering how many average individuals would even have the willingness to investigate what the child was dealing with, in reality, not many. For many people there is a certain amount of romancing that comes with the idea of parenting a child and giving to this child something that without you they might not get. Then the children with reactive attachment disorder change the pretty picture to a lot of uncharted territory, uncertainty, hard work and some amount of fear wondering if this disorder will not allow the child to develop past it’s grip.
But it's better if Americans leave Russian children alone and babysit American children.
She fought for the child rather than taking the negative route, and destroying a childs soul forever by giving her away.
so lucky she has you
luck has nothing to do with it no one is lucky in this situation
-russian adoptee
Karly Kruger well shes the very best of a bad situation. imagine how much worse the kid would be with a bad parent?
Rescuing a feral child! The child does everything in their power to distance themselves from you. It's hard to get help because the children are so charming
A great woman.
JUST THANKING GOD FOR THIS AMAZING LOVE AND CONNECTION
i cant do research without seeing this child in real and trying to interact and talking to their parents. But I believe that children are the most open people and grown ups are the one who make mestakes. knowing the emotional tone scale can help you a lot; excepting and respecting a child is also very important. everything can be fixed with auditing.
I'm a foster carer and you are so right with any child that has been neglected from birth that's why we have so much training maybe a training programme should be put in place with speakers of adopted children xxx from the UK
Thank you.
I think I had undiagnosed RAD as a child, although I wasn't adopted. In the next 5 years I'm going to adopt, and videos like this really help to prepare me for what might come. x
If you are at all times will think about and look for RAD displays in your child ..... you are sure to find 5-6 RAD symptoms in your child. Because there is no ideal children. Many children are shy and closed. Many children are disobedient and noisy ..... All the children are trying to manipulate their parents and other adults. All children are at times capricious and do not want to go to bed on time.
All the children from time to time show aggression or cowardice (tears and denunciations) depending of type of temperament of the child. This is a normal stage of growing up of every child. You will not find a common language with your child if you think that you have adopted outlandish little animals that require special techniques
education and training. Engage in self-improvement and self-education but do not delve into the child as if he were an alien from another planet. He's just a child who needs your help in the socialization. If you are already convinced that the children's homes are special children are very different from normal children ..... then you should not even try to adopt these children. You can ruin their lives and your life. If your child is a little behind in the development of ..... then you have to help him catch up with their peers but you have to see and determine what your child is doing better than their peers. For example Russian children are generally more autonomous and independent than their American counterparts. You can hardly find a Russian 2-3 year-old child who uses diapers and can not eat on their own. Russian 2-year-olds tend to know how to drink water and juices from the ordinary cup. They are able to independently wash their hands after using the toilet and before eating. 3-year-olds own undress and dress (small need help adults or older children). Typically Russian orphans behind in speech development from American peers but much surpass their physical development. They are better run, run, have good coordination. They complain little and rarely seek protection in adults. Usually they try to solve the conflict on their own and are not always correct. Therefore we must always be on guard and help the child properly and in a timely manner out of the conflict situation. Do not wait that the child will ask for help and seek protection. He first gives in the face her abuser and only then begin to cry and seek your support and your sympathy. If you do not have time to intervene ... he will do everything himself. You must have time to prevent a fight or to create conditions precluding the possibility of conflicts and fights. It's easy if the child is still small. If your child loves toy cars ... so machines in the house should be very much in the 2 to 3 copies of the same machine if the house has other children. If your child loves to play ball in the house .... then 2-3 should be the ball of the same color and so on.
If your Russian child goes to sleep ..... then you should not talk loudly near his bedroom, rustling bags and include music or TV. We must remember that Russian children are much stronger than the US children. They can stay awake for a long time. This is many times tested in practice. For example, in New Year's Eve the Russians allowed children to celebrate with adults. Children usually fall asleep only in the morning after romps and high jinks ....... a little bit earlier than the adults who fall only at 6 am after a loading dose of alcohol and revelry.
Dim light (night light) and the silence must be present if your child went to sleep during the day or evening. Sleep in a backpack on your shoulders it is unlikely to be because it is uncomfortable and a lot of distractions. Sleeping in the car is not productive and reducing. The baby should sleep in a crib, and in pajamas. The skin should rest as well as the child's body and his mind. It is unlikely that he will sit in a backpack if he has learned to crawl or walk. Give your child healthy (right) naps and nighttime sleep. Take care of proper nutrition for your child. Meals should be of high quality (organic foods cooked at home) are required daily walks and sports in the open air (not in the room) ...... and you can avoid a lot of problems related to the whims and disobedience.
The Americans made a mistake in choosing children for psychological experiments. Russia is not Romania.
The scandal was inevitable. Insult Russian children = spitting in the direction of Russia. It could not last forever.The children had a Russian passport when they left for the United States.
And do not accuse Putin of all mortal sins. Putin is doing what he wants the Russian people. Russian people do not want to Russian orphans in the United States were equated with animals.
The baby is completely lost spozobnost emotionally attached to the people ......... need isklyuzivnye conditions.
1. Full absence of tactile contact with people immediately after birth.
2. The absence of verbal communication.
3. The lack of new experiences (the child must always be in the same room and one crib
4.Dolzhno be the lack of variety of sounds.
5. Poor care (hungry child should be in the urine and feces for a long time every day.).
If the conditions are created for children, and these children will survive in such conditions ....... they will have RAD.
But first and foremost, these children will have a heavy mental retardation and severe physical development delay. They may even stop growing. This is at best. Most likely these children will die in such circumstances for the first year of life.
You have seen such conditions in Russian orphanages ???????
hardly ......
Therefore stigmatize all Russian orphans diagnosed with RAD ... it is a political diversion against Russia.
Allegedly, the children are spoiled because Russia was socialism. Socialism has created children's homes. Therefore, all the orphans in Russia have RAD.
Russia does not want to listen to this nonsense.
England invented orphanages but not Russian . Russia learn from this experience long before the Bolshevik Revolution.
Russia has adopted this experience because it has always been a lot of wars and a lot of orphans in Russia. .Orphanages are not the heritage of communists. This is a necessary measure to preserve the wider community children.
.Orphanages saved the lives of millions of Russian orphans for several centuries.
Americans to adopt Russian orphans, only the last 20 years. Russia has much more experience in the education and rehabilitation of Russian orphans than the United States.
It was necessary to work together with Russia and to help these children. But Americans are too arrogant to listen to Russians and to read educational Russian literature on the education of orphans. They compared the first Russian orphans with animals ...... Then they equated Russian orphans to the Romanian orphans during the reign of Ceausescu. Then they stopped punishing adopters who killed Russian children. Russians people have a lot of patience. Everyone knows it. But Russian patience is not unlimited and does not pass the stage of humility. Always inevitable revolt or retaliation if a bad situation does not change. 20 years were enough to Russian patience was over and Russia to ban US adoptions
Hers a suggestion, Vi Haze: Don't adopt. ESPECIALLY if you have other kids. If you really feel like you want to adopt (though it's highly unrecomnendsd especially if you have kids), do it only if they're really young, like about a few months to 2 years. 3-7 and older there's no hope. They grow up with attachment disorder, are distant, run away and threaten to hurt their new families. I had a bad experience with adoption and now I don't trust adopted kids at all and in fact greatly resent them. If they're 1-2 when adopted they may be fine, but after that, especially around 7? They're just mentally disturbed, will get into trouble, and ruin everything that was calm in your life.
Absolutely correct.
My life.... in the last 8 years!!
You are blessed to have your husband. Even though I was married, I never had support. Now, after divorcing at 24 years, I don't even have anyone to leave her with to clear my head, It's even worse. She is 16, FAS & RAD, from Ukraine. Was 3 1/2 at adoption. Her counselor says she is attached yet she still exhibits every RAD behavior and OD. I am definitely at the giving up stage, once again.
+Karen Fisher - We adopted our American daughter at age 10, she having entered the foster care system due to abuse in her original family.
She did not trust us. Our teen years were a living hell. Age 11 thru 20 were nightmarish. She is now in her early 30's. She is growing up, has learned to trust us, confides in me daily. Getting her thru school was nothing short of a miracle. She chose alcoholics and druggies as friends.
Counseling didn't seem to help her. She was manipulative, told lies, and I can't tell you how many times I was told toF - off on a daily basis. Now she tells me how we are her real family, that she loves us. She will always have some life issues, and she's hardest on the people she is closest to. But she can care about people, has goals, and is finally able to hold a job without alienating everyone around her. We are glad we didn't give up on each other. Two things helped: we formed a supportive group for parents who adopted older children. Maybe you could start up or find a group for parents of foreign adoption. The second was we joined a church with a huge band and fabulous choir and kids group. We are NOT religious, but the music and fellowship helped her especially. The singing and dancing really helped her to get her anxieties and anger out. Check out your adoption agency, they may have set up a respite program or could lead you to one. Good good luck to you.
+Sharon R ...No agency, Ukraine is only private. We are Christians and the youth group can only do so much. I have tried and tried to gather groups of people but it hasn't ever worked out. It is incredibly hard without an ounce of help. Thanks for your thoughts.
@@KreativeKarenA Hi Karen, just read your comment even though its 6 years old now. Hope everything worked out for you one way or the other. You're amazing for fighting the way you have.
Sometime ago I came across some videos On CZcams of children in orphanages in the UK after the Second World War, I think, and they were suffering with this issue and it also showed a little bit of how they bought the children out of this isolation, getting them to interact with toys and humans.
My stepson's psychologist stated " his foster family felt like they were living a parallel life to D...he made himself a virtual ghost in their home". There's no connection, there's no warmth with RAD children. Neurologically they can't, not because they were born disconnected no, this is trauma., they were permanently altered to just survive
This is so interesting to me because I married a young Russian immigrant and after an initial period of time of about 1 3/4 years where he was nice and sweet, he shut off towards me completely and we lived like 2 strangers in the same house for 15 years. I never understood him at all. He was detached from me and our kids and was so driven towards success in his own life that he worked 7 days a week. We barely spoke to each other for 15 years. We are now divorced and he lives in Florida with his second wife, also extremely driven and successful and also Russian. My kids and I live up north. They try to maintain a relationship with him on an occasional basis.
Hello all. I adopted a 12 month old from Russia 13 years ago. It has been harder than I ever imagined to develop a bond, but I am thankful to say that I love him and he "is" my son! I have 3 biological children and was an experienced parent when I brought him home at just 12 months old. He weighed only 13 pounds and was emaciated. It has been a long road, but I'm glad we hung in there. There are still challenges, but the bond is there and that is what matters the most.
We went to Siberia twice in the winter also. The child my sister adopted did have trouble bonding, no trust and everything you say is true.
this is amazing
Thank you for sharing. ❤❤❤ we are not alone. I love them dearly, and I am angry. NON of these challenges are their fault. If only they could let their guard down. They just want to be loved and how cruel it is that a child can't accept the abundance of love to heal their pain. I will always be in their corner. However, what is around the corner is a life full of love and free from pain.
My sister adopted a 2yr old Russian boy. His name is Alex and he had extreme behavior and learning disabilities. He would hit her other children and take their things and toys away from them. He rocked back and forth, would argue and fight, he was a rebel. He's doing well now that he's in his late 20's & married a nice girl whose a nurse.
Amazing! God bless her and her husband! Their courage and perseverance is admirable! Beautiful!
Thank you Mike Carinum. I hope you'll read my book, "Rescuing Julia Twice" when it comes out in May. It is available on Amazon for pre-order.
They self soothe..takes a lot to overcome
My hat is off to you. Thank you for sharing something that must have been incredibly difficult and personal. Congrats to you all.
Brilliant.
What a wonderful mother. An angel.
Tina, my stepson has RAD. I've tried to help him and failed both times. His mother and grandmother both suffer with RAD so it's intergenerational ...he's 19 next month and he's still with CAS
My aunt adopted a baby girl from russia probably 10 to 15 years ago. And she is a great child. Id say its really about the time it takes and she had other children, so maybe she was just destined to be a great nurturing phenom idk
I think it might also depend on the insitution that they were kept in in their home country. E.g., for the CIS countries I know in many orphanages caretakers mistreated the kids (because of how the system was BUT also because of their own personal problems). It might be that this specific child was being neglected or mistreated in the nursing home as a child but your aunt's girl was more lucky...
I feel really bad because I was adopted and by the time I was 5 I started detaching myself making it less pleasant for my parents. I woke up one day and had this strange identity crisis at such a young age. I knew I wasn't white. I knew these boys weren't my brothers and that man wasn't my dad. I started calling my parents by their first names. I've never heard about this. I kind of feel like I've suffered from this. I'm still working on being Loving. It's really hard for me to develop trust, and relationships. I'm going t be 25 soon. I have said sorry for acting out. I just want to understand on a deeper level now and move on.
+AriannaGnzl You were responding to trauma, AriannaGnzl; it wasn't your fault. Betty Jean Lifton writes about this from the adoptee's perspective. This is something that I'm exploring too.
+AriannaGnzl You know what? It is never too late to develop a close relationship with your family. If you tell them exactly what you just posted and are honest, they're going to understand. I can tell you from experience that being an adoptive parent is having unconditional love. Your childhood and adolescent behavior may have been frustrating for them... but it doesn't mean they love you any less. Seriously. I think you hit the nail on the head by saying you want to understand (and BE understood) on a deeper level and move on. That's the best thing you can do now! Best of luck. :)
Milanka my mother was adopted within her own race and still suffers from AD very painfully. I'm sure you maybe onto something though that being separated from your roots intensifies it. My mother suffers from it imho and to my knowledge she was not abused before the adoption took place. It's the separation with or without abuse that can cause attachment disorders.
@@milanka882
you are deluded
@@milanka882 I agree with Milanka. Taking a child from one side of the world to another (regardless of if it is staying within the same race) would be totally devastating for kids. They are saying this RAD condition is because of orphanages and of course children in orphanages would have extra issues. But nobody ever talks about the effects of ripping children away from their culture, language and community (unless we are talking about the native residential schools and then strangely, its firmly denounced ). A baby once born knows the sounds and smells of his surroundings and the tastes, the colors, the behaviors of others. Even a small baby would be seriously traumatized by taking them away from what they know, which is essentially what soothes them. For anyone this has happened tooI think you should throw yourself into learning or relearning your language. Learn your culture. Try to find family members, return to your country. You'll find comfort and peace in doing that.
I feel for you. I hope other people understand and don't put the blame on you. I'm sorry for all you went through. God Bless
I agree -- however the proportion of Russian adoptess with these kinds of emotional issues is what is noteworthy. but I totally agree -- my story is universal
Russian people have a higher chance at getting mental disorders than anyone else. I would say at least 80% of orphans have mental illnesses (not just 1) but 0% of the orphanages/hospitals admit it.
When I'll be financially stable I wish I'd adopt in Russia. I'm French but I speak Russian and live in Russia for years