The hardest part about being an ENFJ is when you are unable to get external validation.. I am stuck in a loop, just like you described. I find myself unable to use my secondary function any more (despite being most proud of my intellectual side). I've been stuck in a really bad cycle with depression and at the end of the day it mostly stems from my inability to provide personal validation and the lack of external. I am constantly seeking compliments and I know I'm doing it but I cannot stop.
I am an ENFJ who through meditation and self-inquiry has been able to solve this problem for myself. External validation is also one of my needs, but by seeing that negative thoughts will always prey on this weakeness we have, I have rewired my habitual need for it. Just consider to take the rational decision to not be so extremely dependent on external validation anymore. External validation for me is just about asking feedback so that I can know when people around me think I am going to far, or when they are of the opinion that I am doing the right thing. Either way, I do not get too excited or too depressed about their feedback, I just take a more stoic businesswise look at external validation. I also just plan moments of feedback with others instead of waiting for random compliments. Trust all your ENFJs reading this will recognise the ENFJ-esque quality of this comment haha and please feel free to tell me of you agree or not and why so. And feel free to add. I believe we need to organise ENFJs and coach each other.
@@davidderidder2667 Yep. The moment I decided to see the feedback as an objective data is the moment I pulled myself out of the loop. It helped me to get rid of destructive things like art and music so I could focus on realistic plans.
Girl, you got it right. A lot of people have told me that they don’t know me. They feel naked around me coz I know so much about them. The thing is I don’t force them to do it. They would just freely give me information. It’s too difficult for me to let people know what I think.
I'm getting to know a lady long distance. She recently said.. " I feel like you know exactly how I'm feeling and what I'm thinking. It's scary because I just can't figure you out. " My love of 31y recently left me. She constantly told me what I was thinking but was almost always wrong. I don't think she ever understood me.
I feel like people don't know me, and yeah I can learn and know people by looking and them and their actions and a conversation. People talk to me like we've known each other for years
Right cause #1 you don't want to hurt their feelings and #2 when you do finally speak up they don't appreciate the truth on the matter ESPECIALLY if it's in opposition. It's healthy conversation to share different views. I can't ALWAYS be YOUR cheerleader and that doesn't mean I feel any type of way against you as a person. It's just differences.
even though I'm extroverted, a lot of people describe me as private. it's kind of a contradicting thing, isn't it? haha. you can definitely develop the skill you mentioned here, i have grown into my ability to speak with more conviction / against the grain
The problem with letting other people know how I feel is usually that they don't REALLY wanna know. Like yeah, maybe they are interested in a couple of things, talking a little about a topic is good, a shallow brush of problems is okay. But I can't usually talk enough about something in order to feel better. I realize immediately when their attention starts to fade. And they usually just don't get me. They want to, but they can't actually comfort me. Not really. At least like 75% of all types. INFPs comfort me, ISFJs give useful advice, other ENFJs are great to really discuss things. But many other types just can't deal with our level of depth once we've started to dive into it.
Same here. I'm a ENFJ too and years ago this really affected me and although it's still happening in my life and now it doesn't hurt that much than before, I'm still feeling like anybody but me understands my feelings, thoughts, ideas or problems, and this sometimes makes me feel sad or even guilty because I know how hard my friends and loved ones in general are trying to help me but talking with them about my feelings and problems just doesn't work that well for me. Of course I appreciate and respect their intentions and the fact that they really try to help me and are concerned about it, but idk it's hard anyways
I've never related to something so specific before. I really like to explain my feelings in detail but it seems most people are satisfied with a shallow answer and I understand that everyone's brain works differently but it makes me feel a little sad that I can't find comfort in people the same way they find comfort in me.
Hahahaha! That 2% though. That’s scary. If I’m sad I feel like I can make the whole room sad. Maybe that’s the reason why I don’t try to be around people, when I’m feeling sad or mad. I’m really trying my best to do “self-care” stuffs.
The hardest part of being an ENFJ female is that no one is around when we have an emergency. These 'friends' (and I use that word loosely) are always happy when we help them. Sadly, rarely ever reciprocated
Real Enfj's don't talk like that. Simply, my opinion , I recently discovered I'm possibly an Enfj. If the test results are accurate .. An enfj will just figure it out and enjoy the challenge, lesson learned and strength gained from overcoming the emergency alone or with little to no help at all 😊
Read some psychology, to reach your true potential of understanding and helping, there are some people that just want to use us, and we attract them because we find pleasure in doing good, but some are just interested in their good (narcissists), and be careful because we go in life with an open heart, it's easy for a manipulator to throw it's poison inside, and try to abuse that kindness we have. I feel your pain, and learned my lesson.
@@TruthNotPopular Expecting external validation isn’t always a bad thing; it is vital in maintaining healthy relationships. A lack of compensation diminishes trust or invites low self esteem which manifests into insecurity for many.
Your advice on focusing on the introverted feeling is spot on. My greatest growth came from when I finally turned inward and asked myself the same questions I ask other people, give myself the same radical compassion I readily doll out to even total strangers. As I started doing that, it was like I was finally able to start letting people in and it's been profound. Excellent video.
As an ENFJ male, I have been described as a little bit of a misfit, but I guess being good at what I do as a musician / lecturer / web designer has helped me to keep my confidence despite many masculine figures telling me about my potential and that I should this and that and not pursue the life I live. Honestly I hated it at the start because they made me doubt myself, but over the years, I've learned to just care less and distance myself from the toxicity and here I am! Thank for sharing this and helping me make sense of my personality!
Actually I don't think ENFJ have mostly female energy. We are leaders and analytical. The avatar is a night. I am very much sensitive and female but also verymuch so in controll. People call me a strong independent woman. And I find my mind (Ni +Ti) works sometimes in a more masculaine way. Also I am very good at fysical stuff like sports. And I have interest for almost everything from psycology to motor bikes for instance. So I wouldn't say ENFJ has mainly female energy. I do hear this a lot about ENFP's tho.
Yeah that's so weird. Why do they do that? I've been told several times, oh if you did this you could do that etc... Unfortunately I created a hatred for that and for a long time I thought I hated people, which obviously isn't the case.
I appreciate you posting this so much. It felt like you were speaking to the most delicate part of me, and doing it with such care, wisdom, and empathy. I’m truly moved. It was hard to hold back tears at times. You’re a wonderful coach!
I totally agree. And also I agree on how it might be a little hard to be an ENFJ male within this society haha! But I hope I do bring a breath of fresh air :D
Hey! ENFJ here! I can relate to many things you said. Im usually the "mom" of the group. Ive always been the repsonsible friend that people come to for advice. Ive also been the fun party friend as well. However, as Ive gotten older I feel like my extroverted part of me has changed drastically. I am still surrounded by lots of people because Im a dance teacher. But I dont spend a lot of time hanging out with friends. I spend a lot of time on my businesses and with my boyfriend. I feel like as Ive gotten older I have a little bit of social anxiety and I kind of hide from people a bit and dont get close to people. The only time I build relationships with people is with my dance students, dance parents, when Im teaching someone something. This last year Ive been working on it...but its weird to call myself an extrovert when I feel like I dont socialize like one.
I'm learning that extroversion in our type doesn't always mean high sociability. I learned to be shy growing up. It took me a long time to learn I was an extrovert.
oh ye enfjs look into my soul , they scare me away as a intp. its as if they see through me and into my emotions and bring it to the surface which im trying to hide or not aware of. but a mature enfj does it in such a good way and i feel seen and felt
This the most productive ENFJ explanation on CZcams by far. Most ppl explains an ENFJ as being manipulative but in essence I don’t think that’s the case. And it’s very true I do need to be on my own with introverted thinking to understand what I truly want.
This didn't feel too critical at all! It is extremely helpful advice. I have a REALLY hard time knowing what I want, even when I try to sit and think about what I want/need. So thank you! Spending time each day thinking about myself and what I need will most likely help me there. Excellent advice, thank you!
11:23, it's really hard for us to ignore the potential. Even if we know 100% that things are going worse for sure. But if we see the potential in that person, we can't just give up, we can't be thag selfish to leave such a person in dust. We will try our best to get person going, unless they give up on us, or leave us.
It's funny having an ENFJ as my mom. She's such a...mom. I found especially interesting your point about using introverted thinking to resolve conflicts in an impersonal way. I've noticed that my mom can take peoples' opinions personally and stir up a lot of controversy. She never wants to compromise, because she believes so deeply in her idea of the way things are. I guess that's an overreliance on introverted intuition.
When I found out I was an ENFJ, things started to make sense about myself and how I’ve impacted people and my real interest in peoples lives. But, this helped me understand that I need to be more introverted because I neglect myself or my own self. Thank you for the advice for me to recognize other sides to this personality type so I can work on those parts
There have been phases of my enfj life where I have been extremely unhealthy. I appreciate you trying to describe some improvements. That is what we need. Like you said because we are so giving emotionally we can lack the self support for our own emotions. This is where I am the worst at being an enfj. When I feel emotionally exhausted and I have nothing left for myself I start to feel resentment towards others who are not supporting me in the ways I offer them support. More so, I can feel resentment towards myself for not having balance. When you spoke about how others may never put out that same effort, only due to their brains processing differently, it helped so much. I am looking into sources on this because I need healthy ways to manage my feelings towards the efforts or non efforts of others. And simply accepting and understanding their unique processes is very helpful. I truly think that because we can be such a light when we are healthy, you are absolutely right about poisoning the environment when we are unhealthy. I see that trend in my own family and sometimes I get frustrated because my vibe is so easily impacful..even when I don't want it to be.
the experience ive had with enfjs is that they don't necessarily understand people's feelings its more like they guess what someone feels and work off of that instead of actually trying to understand them
I can kind of see that. I don’t think anyone can truly be in the depths of how another person is feeling. Perhaps it’s the sensitivity to others through the depths of ourselves that make us feel as if we know how someone is feeling. As an ENFJ I’ve been wrong before on what someone is feeling - I thought the feeling they were experiencing.
I resonated with pretty much this whole video but damn, when you briefly mentioned not wanting to win in a board game because you don’t want others to lose, I just had a realization about how non competitive and not prioritizing of myself I am
Mid 40s I am just learning the value of "thinking time " - alone, no music, no TV, no people.... Pen and paper... And asks myself what don't I want to think about then how to fix it, what do I want. You're video is spot on.
I’ve come back to this video time and time again. Since finding out that I’m an ENFJ, I’ve scoured CZcams to try and find more in depth videos on our type - with not a ton of luck. Thank you for making such an affirming, positive video and speaking to us on an incredibly empathetic level. And no, your criticisms were completely valid - I identify with not having strong opinions and pushing aside opposing views for the harmony of “the group.” Thank you for bringing light to weaknesses I didn’t fully understand, and providing a clear path on how we can work on ourselves. I’ll definitely work on introspection, and zeroing in on the “why” of my thoughts/convictions!! Much love!
Just discovered I'm an ENFJ. You mentioned the test reliably gets at least one letter wrong in the classification test. I'd like to know more about how to determine the accuracy of my place in this system. I had all my best friends take the test and my 4 closest turned out to be INFP which are supposedly our perfect match. The others were fellow ENFJ types with one exception. I recently had a friend (INFP) tell me that they trusted me with their whole heart. It was the greatest feeling and compliment I think I've ever received from anyone. I believe one reason the bond between us is so good is because she believes 'I see her' more than anyone else in her life. i believe that to feel understood is tremendous and I'm all about that intimate bond. Thank you for the really interesting video! I will subscribe to your channel.
ENFJ-A here. I really appreciated the phrase used "you have the permission" and how you emphasized that it would be best for others. I found nothing critical or demeaning in your video. Looking forward to future videos of yours. Thank you
Thank you for this video, it was lovely. I am an ENFJ who is quite new to being classified this way. (I had gotten ENFJ on personality tests multiple times, but never bothered to look too far into it.) While the concept of NI’s and FE’s is still a bit difficult for me to wrap my brain around, this video helped me gain background knowledge in the subject. I find it a bit ironic that you advise ENFJ’s watching this video to think more introvertedly (did I say that right?) because The people watching this video are practicing a kind of introspection by trying to learn more about themselves. In a way, they are also putting themselves first by taking the time to pay attention to who they are. All this to say you probably stroked a lot of ENFJ egos - including mine! I may be a bit of an oddball amongst my kind. Dude many of my life experiences, I am very introspective, I have a strong sense of self and know how to protect myself from those who would be a negative influence on my life. I am not an extrovert, I am an omnivert. (Omniverts are quite uncommon, (so much that spellcheck thinks it’s a made up word) they possess the extreme traits of both introverts and extroverts - as opposed to amniverts, whose traits sort of cancel out and are less extreme overall.) Unfortunately, there is no ONFJ classification…..yet. But anyway, back to the video. You have no need to be anxious, a lot of the things you said certainly ring true for me, and I’m sure it does for others as well. In addition, although you were anxious you became less so as you delved more deeply into the topic at hand. When you’re not thinking about the situation and you’re instead focused on the subject matter you are far less anxious and more eloquent. Sometimes, people can get anxious about being anxious. I wonder if you might be one of those people. Either way, I hope my words give you the confidence to realize that you do know what you’re talking about, and you have no need for anxiety on this subject at least . :) (but that’s just what I think) Annnnnyyy waaayy…. Thank you for the information and advice, I hope you have a lovely day! 💖
I used be so ENFJ, but I have been through a lot and thrust into jobs I wouldn't want to do that deeply effect my faith in humanity. I need people and I need to help them, but I am so over parasitic takers that I don't even know if I want to know people anymore.
Hey Alexis! Im a 22 year old ADHD, Leo, & "ENFJ" according to a few briggs tests. My life has been very chameleon like and i find it hard to get to me time where i can reflect. I've been getting better slowly but this was a big help in pushing progression. Appreciate the video, you're a very warm person and I love it. just wanted to say that. Thank you!`
This was a super helpful video - probably one of the best I’ve seen on ENFJ type. I searched this out because I wanted to know more about how to help an ENFJ who’s not in a good place get out of being stuck focussed on their Se. You hit the nail on the head when you said they can get stuck taking the easy option for now at the expense of their future self as that perfectly describes what has led to their life falling apart bit by bit over the last year. I’m an ISFJ and it frustrates me so much that they’ve put off dealing with their issues when they were small and manageable at the expense of their future selves where their problems now overwhelm their whole life. My ENFJ friend can’t see it though and just keeps saying ‘Why do all these bad things keep happening to me?’ when I think in reality they wouldn’t be such bad things had they been dealt with when they happened in a more practical way than just ignoring the problem and hoping it’ll go away. Spoken like a very practical thinking ISFJ, I know, but I’m now at a loss as to how to help my ENFJ friend get their life back on track. I thank you though for your pearls of wisdom in this video, I’ve found it very helpful 😁
That was crazy accurate. Especially about getting into relationships and seeing where they might go in the future. I wish I knew that about myself in my 20s.
This is so spot on! The part about being able to pull out the gift in others is so true. I have been constantly told that I’m the best birthday message giver haha! But I think the thing is that we do want to make others feel safe and welcome, so when we compliment someone we truly look inside ourselves in order to understand what it is about that person that is so great, because everyone is great, we just really focus on what’s a singularity that makes that person different than others…
Thank you so so much Alexis! Very encouraging and true in saying how we ENFJs need our quality downtime and reflection moments so that we can recharge and be better in helping those around us. Thanks again for your spot-on critique of this personality type!
I'm an ENT/FJ. I've taken the test 5 times over 30 yrs and I am always a strong E, N, J and I'm pretty much 50/50 with T and F. I have figured out I'm more F in my social life and more T at work. You did a good job explaining.
Just discovered you. Shocked to hear you talk at the end about being so anxious. This video has helped me understand myself better than any other single video or talk or book about mbti or any personality assessment. Can’t wait to watch the video on my husband’s type next. From the bottom of my warm, empathic, philosophical but also sometimes extremely anxious heart - thank you for this 🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽
I’m always complementing others when I truly feel they deserve it. I on the other hand don’t receive compliments very rarely. I don’t expect them, but it would sure be nice to feel appreciated once in awhile. I don’t believe that’s asking too much.
You really do see this picture clearly, your description is remarkably accurate I'm an ENFJ and Enneagram 5 wing 6 sexual subtybe This is the most truthful, caring and logically sound description on the internet that I've found.
Im so single as ENFJ that it’s not even funny. Im told Im intimidating and that people think i must have a full, exciting dating life when the opposite is true. I am very selective though because I notice now, I attract narcissistic men who only want me as a trophy. This makes my heart break so much because i need love and nurturing too.
All I can say is I agree I’m very selective, people think I have suitors lined up so I think that has an opposite effect they think I must get tons of attention and compliments so therefore I get none lml
Woahh! The bit about mood setting was a surreal observation for me! And it being super important to look after myself because of the negative knock on effect to the atmosphere of the group. I, like most ENFJs fear being misunderstood massively - something I know long before I got into MBTI - but it’s hard not to be when everyone morphs into how you are internally. It makes it too easy to live for other people when the outcome of simply feeling a bit grumpy can easily spiral into conflict and poor morale
You brought me to tears! I have been interested in Myers Briggs personality for about 2 years now and I have never found such an accurate description and explanation of who ENFJs like me are. I do tend to beat myself up sometimes, for little things, and you showing and listing what we bring to the world made me feel amazing and more confident in who I am. Your video was really not criticizing, it has been more helpful than anything. Thank you SO much for this ❤️
Thanks for sharing the info! I recently discovered that I’m an ENFJ, and the advice really resonated with my life experiences. Many aspects hit home, explaining my choices and behaviors. Childhood trauma led me to rely heavily on introverted thinking/intuition, but as I grow, I’m overcoming fear of judgment. Now, I understand why I cherish connecting with people. While I recognize my underdeveloped extroverted feeling, I embrace authenticity. Feeling a bit like Poppy from the Trolls movie, I just want to be everyone’s best friend, sing, dance, and braid hair together! Hahaha.
one of my struggles as an enfj is feeling inadequate when I'm not feeling connected to others (in my perception) so I'm working on being okay with that :)
Helpful, also any videos or a series that could go into how different personalities handle positive and negative stress for each type would be super interesting ❤️
ENFJ shows themselves already. they are just genuinely intrigued with other people. and because they are focus in other people in general way, they have hard time knowing when somebody likes them…. like, if somebody is extra nice, they wouldn’t know because they probably is nicer than that person. ENFJ don’t usually do possible unfruitful action, like why complain if they know the other person will not care. that is not always healthy…. the unconscious annoyances can build up and boil any moment…
Brilliant.. highly insightful.. I love that you give away the most common advice for all the types. BUT I am overwhelmed with the harmonic frequency you seem to have struck with the comments section.💙
This video helped me a lot. I felt seen as most people don't really know me... and I know everything about them. It can be exhausting at times,but I'm learning to seclude myself and focus on my life for once❤ it's beautiful ❤
Also wow I am getting good at this stuff. Someone asked in the comments what are you again? And I guessed INTJ and after that I saw on the channel you are 😄 It helps I know INTJ's 😇
Thank you so much for this video! It had me in tears at the end, as an ENFJ I have been focusing too much on other people and their wellbeing for most of my life. The last 3 years have been an adventure of focusing more on myself. It really got bad once I had a child and became a full-time single Dad. I realized I can't be here for anyone I care about if I don't take the time to give myself time, in all aspects of life. So thank you for helping me reaffirm the path I am on is the healthiest road to happiness. I'm eternally grateful!
ENFJ male here. I can dead ass in the middle of a convo say a phrase and make the person stop all they are doing in shock. And then I just look back smiling like "yeah I know u".
First time viewer- I think this video changed my whole perspective of me - thank you for being you !! ❤ you’re such a cutie “ I only know good things , sorry if it came off too harsh”. Bless you - long term subscriber now ❤
As an ENFJ I see more my shortcomings. The biggest one is my default response to trust someone and when they take advantage I can’t trust them ever again. This personality trait has been a net positive for me professionally and with friendships but relationships? It’s rough. I spend a lot of time criticizing myself and I feel better helping someone else than myself. That is not a humble brag. I wonder how many ENFJ’s seek therapy. I don’t. Thanks for the video.
That was a lot of information. I respond on the middle part about se and ti. I try to apply it to myself here and maybe some people can relate or learn from it. So what you are saying is basicly when we use Ti more we don't use Se in an argument so basicly by letting some disconfort out we don't explode when it's to late. My side of the story comes from an unhealthy moment in my life: I am kind of aware of this. When there is something not sitting right with me I am indeed affraid of conflict or to be seen as difficult but later it will feel like nobody cares about my side and when I express it I am in a state of high emotions and it end up being a conflict. This is indeed because I listen too much to Fe.. So what this video is saying is express your concerns and boundries before I feel it's a problem. I am Litterly struggling with that right now. I am going through depression because I had 2 relationships where I put their feelings before mine and indeed they forgot about asking about me as a person which is actually painfull for someone who is a deep thinker Ni + Ti. In relationships I become a people pleaser and also see only their potential. In my defence it's hard to see the reality (ni) when you are in love. In friendships I do express myself and talk about myself in contrast to the friend in the middle of the video because I feel closer and they do too. It also helps them to open up and trust me more so it's a win win scenario haha 😊. Anyways.. Because of depression I feel like nobody cares about my boundries and wishes and I am extra sensitive to those I have (triggert by trauma). So people keep dissapointing me which makes me even more likely to isolate, sad and lonely.. It's very hard to imply your advice to get out of the se and use more the ti. I am overanalysing everything tho but it's still highly emotional when I express myself. I am not just accepting my depressed response to isolate myself because I want to get out of this state (hard Ti can be usefull 😉) . I don't want to push people away. I do have a strong Ti/Ni even tho I am depressed and I am affraid I will loose all of them because of my strong Se right now. So I am very strict on myself. But It's very difficult to communicate my feelings and boundries in a healthy way. Btw normally I am the fun, loving, empathic, wise friend. I am the entertainer, the psychologist, the caberetier and the consultant. I have strong insights in politics, about the news, justice, charity etc but this side (ni) is contradicting the video actually a lot of the time not appreciated by people especially sensors or feelers because these topics are connected with strong opinions and feelings of both sides. So I generally only speak about it when I can tell it more as facts and information and less in my future forseeing ways. (Also nobody remembers I was right afterwards and nobody likes to hear it either 🤣). Also I saw the rest of the video and your experiences with ENFJ's sound like very extraverted. To be honest I am like that with new people and parties. I will see the one that is a bit more shy or introverted and will make sure this person will feel seen and they feel good. But I am also very self aware, been bullied and can be pretty shy in some situations, affraid to be judged and this sensitive side seems ignored in most stories about enfj's and basicly have rarely met someone who will make sure I feel included. Thanks for the video and your great analysis it's amazing how accurate mbti can be!
So true in the sense that I can undress easily without trying other people and get them to their core. But when it comes to them knowing me, it’s so hard to let them in. I almost don’t know how or why I’m like this? There’s only been one or two other people who have really gotten to know me and they were also an ENFJ. It’s also very hard to be fully aware of My needs and what I want… would love further advice on this!
This video was so healing and revelatory on so many levels. I felt understood and I came to an understanding about parts of me that I didn’t know before. Thank you for this beautiful take on my personality type. I’m very grateful for your time and energy put into this!
You have no idea how good this made me feel. I wished this video never ends. And. Yes, We -the ENFJs- have been observing your energy the whole time. we loved every bit of it ;)
❤❤❤ Hi, you actually did a very good review on enfj's! I am one so you know I will give you a straight forward comment. The content you presented was a good mix of logic and experience with the type discussed. Try to create a better blend by focusing on dispensing the information, rather than apologizing to cushion the feelings of others. In doing the aforementioned, you can make the enfj feel like they need to be shielded more than necessary. Thanks for your efforts. Keep smiling. Shine on! Angel/Trinidad. ❤❤❤
thank you for this, your lecture was very linear and helped me in my absolute descent into the madness of the beast known as Ti, fortunately through much premeditation and a lot of feet kicking I was able to step into it long enough to get a feel of how I can realistically use this without turning the lights off. In prior real world experiences, I'm not sure if sometimes I use Fi in stress or I'm accessing my Ti, I don't enjoy using either of these functions, but I do understand the necessity of using it to create your own path in life, which feels so awkward, but it is more reliable than my initial mindset which is, just go outside toward people and opportunity will be unveiled to me LOL
I will let them talk while simultaneously scanning their personality or what they really need and after that decide what is the best or necessary move. I am an ENFJ.
I didn’t even notice your anxious energy because the video is so captivating. I don’t remember myself pausing videos every 5 minutes for deep thinking ever. ❤️🧡💛
Thank you for saying "You don't need to solve all the world's problems at once." Man.... it really is so hard to step back, let go, and prioritize focusing on yourself for a season as an ENFJ. The feelings of others in need are extremely intense and then when you feel like you can't do anything about it because you're in an unhealthy state and burned out the internalization and beating yourself up gets bad. This was a really helpful and solid video. I definitely felt very seen, heard, as well as counseled. Btw you were doing great even though you were feeling nervous it's natural no matter how much experience you have in front of a camera.
I enjoyed your video. Thank you for sharing. Well spoken. I just recently discovered that im possibly an ENFJ, if the test results are accurate. Im 44 yrs old and just getting to know myself. You mentioned that you don't know many ENFJ's. Ill be your friend, or associate. Lol. If you feel it's worth it. I try to only hold on to positives in life... thanks for sharing your knowledge with the world 🌎 🙏🏽
This was helpful and I am very greatful for this video. I didn't sense your anxiousness really but you just seemed really prepared for it and I could tell you feel strongly about us 😊. I also like how you described it as water and food. Sometimes it's hard for me to think of analogies for things because that's how I like describing things and that was perfect. 10/10 video
One of the best and most helpful ENFJ-videos I've seen as an ENFJ. Especially the part about being so people focused that ppl don't know the 'real me' very well? Ouch that hurt. But it's true, something I need to be working on. I think it's a confidence issue bc I think I'm a great person, but other people be more interesting than me? I don't know 😄
Se: "help others as a way to avoid own problems" Hahahaha, good point! (and not the only one, but this one is a great one. I think we generally use extroversion to avoid ... "introverting" and caring for ourselves, because we don't see care for ourselves as "important")
For so long I used to get the ISFJ personality type. Now as of lately I've been getting the ENFJ personality type. I do feel more resonated with this personality type, yet I will say I am an unhealthy version of what you've presented. I want to truly embody every character trait you spoke on and envision myself in a new life, born into someone greater than. It will take time, and consistency is key, thank you for taking your time to expel such beautiful information. This spoke to me in ways you can't even imagine, never felt more heard than what you presented in this video. You are such a kind soul, and I feel like you were pretty spot on and not too harsh on the criticism at all. 💕💕
ENFJ here - I feel like you nailed this. You have such a soothing cadence that made it beyond easy to listen to. I loved your advice about needing to develop the introverted thinking - this was crucial for me in my personal development - you got that so, so right! Additionally, the ability to face 5 minutes of confrontation rather than "1 hour of rage" (lol) was spot on too - Since we tend to be the type to anticipate other's needs - its easy to fall into the trap that others will do the same. I just loved your take! It's very possible that I already watched & commented on this some time ago, so if this comment is just a repeat - i lovingly do not apologize. hahaha
This has been so insightful. The part on understanding that some people aren’t constantly anticipating the needs of others was a lightbulb moment. They have other valuable strengths. It’s not personal, anticipating needs just happens to be one of mine. Thus will be so great for my relationships. Thank you
The hardest part about being an ENFJ is when you are unable to get external validation.. I am stuck in a loop, just like you described. I find myself unable to use my secondary function any more (despite being most proud of my intellectual side). I've been stuck in a really bad cycle with depression and at the end of the day it mostly stems from my inability to provide personal validation and the lack of external. I am constantly seeking compliments and I know I'm doing it but I cannot stop.
I completely relate and I hope you're feeling better now Mikeyd7733 :)
I am an ENFJ who through meditation and self-inquiry has been able to solve this problem for myself. External validation is also one of my needs, but by seeing that negative thoughts will always prey on this weakeness we have, I have rewired my habitual need for it. Just consider to take the rational decision to not be so extremely dependent on external validation anymore. External validation for me is just about asking feedback so that I can know when people around me think I am going to far, or when they are of the opinion that I am doing the right thing. Either way, I do not get too excited or too depressed about their feedback, I just take a more stoic businesswise look at external validation. I also just plan moments of feedback with others instead of waiting for random compliments.
Trust all your ENFJs reading this will recognise the ENFJ-esque quality of this comment haha and please feel free to tell me of you agree or not and why so. And feel free to add.
I believe we need to organise ENFJs and coach each other.
@@davidderidder2667 Yep. The moment I decided to see the feedback as an objective data is the moment I pulled myself out of the loop. It helped me to get rid of destructive things like art and music so I could focus on realistic plans.
You need principles and processes that you have determined . Follow them
exactly! and when you’re an assertive variant people think you don’t need compliments… but you do lol
Girl, you got it right. A lot of people have told me that they don’t know me. They feel naked around me coz I know so much about them. The thing is I don’t force them to do it. They would just freely give me information. It’s too difficult for me to let people know what I think.
I'm getting to know a lady long distance. She recently said.. " I feel like you know exactly how I'm feeling and what I'm thinking. It's scary because I just can't figure you out. " My love of 31y recently left me. She constantly told me what I was thinking but was almost always wrong. I don't think she ever understood me.
I feel like people don't know me, and yeah I can learn and know people by looking and them and their actions and a conversation. People talk to me like we've known each other for years
Right cause #1 you don't want to hurt their feelings and #2 when you do finally speak up they don't appreciate the truth on the matter ESPECIALLY if it's in opposition. It's healthy conversation to share different views. I can't ALWAYS be YOUR cheerleader and that doesn't mean I feel any type of way against you as a person. It's just differences.
even though I'm extroverted, a lot of people describe me as private. it's kind of a contradicting thing, isn't it? haha. you can definitely develop the skill you mentioned here, i have grown into my ability to speak with more conviction / against the grain
YES
The problem with letting other people know how I feel is usually that they don't REALLY wanna know. Like yeah, maybe they are interested in a couple of things, talking a little about a topic is good, a shallow brush of problems is okay. But I can't usually talk enough about something in order to feel better. I realize immediately when their attention starts to fade. And they usually just don't get me. They want to, but they can't actually comfort me. Not really. At least like 75% of all types. INFPs comfort me, ISFJs give useful advice, other ENFJs are great to really discuss things. But many other types just can't deal with our level of depth once we've started to dive into it.
I really can relate to that I notice very quickly that their attention starts to fade even when they are doing their best
Same here. I'm a ENFJ too and years ago this really affected me and although it's still happening in my life and now it doesn't hurt that much than before, I'm still feeling like anybody but me understands my feelings, thoughts, ideas or problems, and this sometimes makes me feel sad or even guilty because I know how hard my friends and loved ones in general are trying to help me but talking with them about my feelings and problems just doesn't work that well for me. Of course I appreciate and respect their intentions and the fact that they really try to help me and are concerned about it, but idk it's hard anyways
I've never related to something so specific before. I really like to explain my feelings in detail but it seems most people are satisfied with a shallow answer and I understand that everyone's brain works differently but it makes me feel a little sad that I can't find comfort in people the same way they find comfort in me.
Wow, my experience exactly. When I find someone that truly listens, it feels like a blessing straight from god. Always surprises me
ESFJ not too?
Hahahaha! That 2% though. That’s scary. If I’m sad I feel like I can make the whole room sad. Maybe that’s the reason why I don’t try to be around people, when I’m feeling sad or mad. I’m really trying my best to do “self-care” stuffs.
Oh and then Istress out because I'm conscious that I'm making other people feel sad as well. It's the most vicious cycle for ENFJs! 🤣
"You are included in the needs of everyone."
A really wonderful sentence. Thank you. I will try remembereing that more often.
The hardest part of being an ENFJ female is that no one is around when we have an emergency. These 'friends' (and I use that word loosely) are always happy when we help them. Sadly, rarely ever reciprocated
Too bad you don't seek out an INFJ we are the best counselors.
Off this hits
Real Enfj's don't talk like that. Simply, my opinion , I recently discovered I'm possibly an Enfj. If the test results are accurate .. An enfj will just figure it out and enjoy the challenge, lesson learned and strength gained from overcoming the emergency alone or with little to no help at all 😊
Read some psychology, to reach your true potential of understanding and helping, there are some people that just want to use us, and we attract them because we find pleasure in doing good, but some are just interested in their good (narcissists), and be careful because we go in life with an open heart, it's easy for a manipulator to throw it's poison inside, and try to abuse that kindness we have. I feel your pain, and learned my lesson.
@@TruthNotPopular Expecting external validation isn’t always a bad thing; it is vital in maintaining healthy relationships. A lack of compensation diminishes trust or invites low self esteem which manifests into insecurity for many.
Your advice on focusing on the introverted feeling is spot on. My greatest growth came from when I finally turned inward and asked myself the same questions I ask other people, give myself the same radical compassion I readily doll out to even total strangers. As I started doing that, it was like I was finally able to start letting people in and it's been profound. Excellent video.
Im going to try doing this as of tonight. This is so simple and brilliant; I’m hopeful it will help me with my own struggles too.
Very insightful thanks for sharing
As an ENFJ male, I have been described as a little bit of a misfit, but I guess being good at what I do as a musician / lecturer / web designer has helped me to keep my confidence despite many masculine figures telling me about my potential and that I should this and that and not pursue the life I live. Honestly I hated it at the start because they made me doubt myself, but over the years, I've learned to just care less and distance myself from the toxicity and here I am! Thank for sharing this and helping me make sense of my personality!
Actually I don't think ENFJ have mostly female energy. We are leaders and analytical. The avatar is a night. I am very much sensitive and female but also verymuch so in controll. People call me a strong independent woman. And I find my mind (Ni +Ti) works sometimes in a more masculaine way. Also I am very good at fysical stuff like sports. And I have interest for almost everything from psycology to motor bikes for instance. So I wouldn't say ENFJ has mainly female energy. I do hear this a lot about ENFP's tho.
Embrace the yin and yang..
Yeah that's so weird. Why do they do that? I've been told several times, oh if you did this you could do that etc... Unfortunately I created a hatred for that and for a long time I thought I hated people, which obviously isn't the case.
I appreciate you posting this so much. It felt like you were speaking to the most delicate part of me, and doing it with such care, wisdom, and empathy. I’m truly moved. It was hard to hold back tears at times. You’re a wonderful coach!
Thank you!! You're so kind!
Wtf 🤣🤣🤣🤣-ISTJ
Completely agree with your sentiments, Jadon!!
Exactly. This video is downloaded so I can rewatch it wherever I am. Thank you 🙏🏻
I totally agree. And also I agree on how it might be a little hard to be an ENFJ male within this society haha! But I hope I do bring a breath of fresh air :D
Hey! ENFJ here! I can relate to many things you said. Im usually the "mom" of the group. Ive always been the repsonsible friend that people come to for advice. Ive also been the fun party friend as well. However, as Ive gotten older I feel like my extroverted part of me has changed drastically. I am still surrounded by lots of people because Im a dance teacher. But I dont spend a lot of time hanging out with friends. I spend a lot of time on my businesses and with my boyfriend. I feel like as Ive gotten older I have a little bit of social anxiety and I kind of hide from people a bit and dont get close to people. The only time I build relationships with people is with my dance students, dance parents, when Im teaching someone something. This last year Ive been working on it...but its weird to call myself an extrovert when I feel like I dont socialize like one.
I feel a lot of this too.
I relate so much!
Me too! So nice to know I'm not alone. 🤗
This is weirdly accurate 😂🙌🙌
I'm learning that extroversion in our type doesn't always mean high sociability. I learned to be shy growing up. It took me a long time to learn I was an extrovert.
oh ye enfjs look into my soul , they scare me away as a intp. its as if they see through me and into my emotions and bring it to the surface which im trying to hide or not aware of. but a mature enfj does it in such a good way and i feel seen and felt
This the most productive ENFJ explanation on CZcams by far. Most ppl explains an ENFJ as being manipulative but in essence I don’t think that’s the case. And it’s very true I do need to be on my own with introverted thinking to understand what I truly want.
Enfj are the best humans the most beautiful souls I have ever know. My bff is enfj and we are friend like 20 years now. Lov you all enfj 🥰🥰
I'm an ENFJ, and I started meditating. I feel like it's a great way to get in touch with my introverted intuition. Thank you for the information!
I do it the same ❤its helpful to clear mind and follow the intuition 🌸🌹
This didn't feel too critical at all! It is extremely helpful advice. I have a REALLY hard time knowing what I want, even when I try to sit and think about what I want/need. So thank you! Spending time each day thinking about myself and what I need will most likely help me there. Excellent advice, thank you!
Are you a professional on this? You effortlessly know this stuff really really well. I'm very suprised how good you make sense of this.
Extroverted: expend energy.
Introverted: conserve energy.
Ne: branching possibilities.
Ni: distilling predictions.
Fe: collective harmony
Fi: personal values
Te: construct ideas.
Ti: refine ideas.
Se: no idea. Engaging environment?
Si: not sure. Maintaining equilibrium?
Si.. think so! As in a Sigma.. I keep ENFJ then INFJ then ENFJ. Think it is consistently maintaining all the fi, and all the others.
11:23, it's really hard for us to ignore the potential. Even if we know 100% that things are going worse for sure. But if we see the potential in that person, we can't just give up, we can't be thag selfish to leave such a person in dust. We will try our best to get person going, unless they give up on us, or leave us.
INFP here married to my ENFJ husband. It's awesome. And when we have issues we resolve them so smoothly. Definitely a fantastic match :)
It's funny having an ENFJ as my mom. She's such a...mom.
I found especially interesting your point about using introverted thinking to resolve conflicts in an impersonal way. I've noticed that my mom can take peoples' opinions personally and stir up a lot of controversy. She never wants to compromise, because she believes so deeply in her idea of the way things are. I guess that's an overreliance on introverted intuition.
When I found out I was an ENFJ, things started to make sense about myself and how I’ve impacted people and my real interest in peoples lives. But, this helped me understand that I need to be more introverted because I neglect myself or my own self. Thank you for the advice for me to recognize other sides to this personality type so I can work on those parts
There have been phases of my enfj life where I have been extremely unhealthy. I appreciate you trying to describe some improvements. That is what we need. Like you said because we are so giving emotionally we can lack the self support for our own emotions. This is where I am the worst at being an enfj. When I feel emotionally exhausted and I have nothing left for myself I start to feel resentment towards others who are not supporting me in the ways I offer them support. More so, I can feel resentment towards myself for not having balance. When you spoke about how others may never put out that same effort, only due to their brains processing differently, it helped so much. I am looking into sources on this because I need healthy ways to manage my feelings towards the efforts or non efforts of others. And simply accepting and understanding their unique processes is very helpful. I truly think that because we can be such a light when we are healthy, you are absolutely right about poisoning the environment when we are unhealthy. I see that trend in my own family and sometimes I get frustrated because my vibe is so easily impacful..even when I don't want it to be.
Wow 😮 you made me tear up. I can’t believe how accurate these descriptions are. Thank you so much I finally feel understood
the experience ive had with enfjs is that they don't necessarily understand people's feelings its more like they guess what someone feels and work off of that instead of actually trying to understand them
That could definitely be a possibility if they skip over Ni and just go off Se guesses!
I can kind of see that. I don’t think anyone can truly be in the depths of how another person is feeling. Perhaps it’s the sensitivity to others through the depths of ourselves that make us feel as if we know how someone is feeling. As an ENFJ I’ve been wrong before on what someone is feeling - I thought the feeling they were experiencing.
«it’s ok if you win at a board game and other people lose» omg!!!! That hit
I resonated with pretty much this whole video but damn, when you briefly mentioned not wanting to win in a board game because you don’t want others to lose, I just had a realization about how non competitive and not prioritizing of myself I am
I just recently realized how competitive I am actually but I hate seeing others losing😅😂🥲
Mid 40s I am just learning the value of "thinking time " - alone, no music, no TV, no people.... Pen and paper... And asks myself what don't I want to think about then how to fix it, what do I want. You're video is spot on.
I’ve come back to this video time and time again. Since finding out that I’m an ENFJ, I’ve scoured CZcams to try and find more in depth videos on our type - with not a ton of luck. Thank you for making such an affirming, positive video and speaking to us on an incredibly empathetic level. And no, your criticisms were completely valid - I identify with not having strong opinions and pushing aside opposing views for the harmony of “the group.”
Thank you for bringing light to weaknesses I didn’t fully understand, and providing a clear path on how we can work on ourselves. I’ll definitely work on introspection, and zeroing in on the “why” of my thoughts/convictions!! Much love!
Thank you so much!! That means so much to me! 💜
"with not a ton of luck" is so real
-ENFJ-A
Just discovered I'm an ENFJ. You mentioned the test reliably gets at least one letter wrong in the classification test. I'd like to know more about how to determine the accuracy of my place in this system.
I had all my best friends take the test and my 4 closest turned out to be INFP which are supposedly our perfect match. The others were fellow ENFJ types with one exception.
I recently had a friend (INFP) tell me that they trusted me with their whole heart. It was the greatest feeling and compliment I think I've ever received from anyone. I believe one reason the bond between us is so good is because she believes 'I see her' more than anyone else in her life. i believe that to feel understood is tremendous and I'm all about that intimate bond.
Thank you for the really interesting video! I will subscribe to your channel.
For me the last letter is the most worrisome lol. I am not sure if I am an ENFP or an ENFJ it depends on how I approach goals.
ENFJ-A here. I really appreciated the phrase used "you have the permission" and how you emphasized that it would be best for others. I found nothing critical or demeaning in your video. Looking forward to future videos of yours. Thank you
I am a ENFJ but sometimes I get ENFP too but mostly my whole life I've resonated with ENFJ in almost every situations
As I’ve aged, I’ve become an ENFJ; in my 20s I was always ENFP. Fair to say that life circumstance can dictate the hybrid of both.
@@christinacatalanoI was just going to say that. In my twenties I was also ENFP and now at forty I am clearly ENFJ.
I'm an introverted extravert ENFJ, so when you mentioned going introvert in order to distil wisdom, then b extroverting it outwards,
I felt that.
Thank you for this video, it was lovely. I am an ENFJ who is quite new to being classified this way. (I had gotten ENFJ on personality tests multiple times, but never bothered to look too far into it.) While the concept of NI’s and FE’s is still a bit difficult for me to wrap my brain around, this video helped me gain background knowledge in the subject. I find it a bit ironic that you advise ENFJ’s watching this video to think more introvertedly (did I say that right?) because The people watching this video are practicing a kind of introspection by trying to learn more about themselves. In a way, they are also putting themselves first by taking the time to pay attention to who they are. All this to say you probably stroked a lot of ENFJ egos - including mine! I may be a bit of an oddball amongst my kind. Dude many of my life experiences, I am very introspective, I have a strong sense of self and know how to protect myself from those who would be a negative influence on my life. I am not an extrovert, I am an omnivert. (Omniverts are quite uncommon, (so much that spellcheck thinks it’s a made up word) they possess the extreme traits of both introverts and extroverts - as opposed to amniverts, whose traits sort of cancel out and are less extreme overall.) Unfortunately, there is no ONFJ classification…..yet. But anyway, back to the video. You have no need to be anxious, a lot of the things you said certainly ring true for me, and I’m sure it does for others as well. In addition, although you were anxious you became less so as you delved more deeply into the topic at hand. When you’re not thinking about the situation and you’re instead focused on the subject matter you are far less anxious and more eloquent. Sometimes, people can get anxious about being anxious. I wonder if you might be one of those people. Either way, I hope my words give you the confidence to realize that you do know what you’re talking about, and you have no need for anxiety on this subject at least . :) (but that’s just what I think) Annnnnyyy waaayy…. Thank you for the information and advice, I hope you have a lovely day! 💖
I used be so ENFJ, but I have been through a lot and thrust into jobs I wouldn't want to do that deeply effect my faith in humanity. I need people and I need to help them, but I am so over parasitic takers that I don't even know if I want to know people anymore.
15:15... I have never heard someone state my problem so easily... Overlooked and under appreciated... Always present and supportive.. Never first
Hey Alexis! Im a 22 year old ADHD, Leo, & "ENFJ" according to a few briggs tests. My life has been very chameleon like and i find it hard to get to me time where i can reflect. I've been getting better slowly but this was a big help in pushing progression. Appreciate the video, you're a very warm person and I love it. just wanted to say that. Thank you!`
This was the most comprehensive ENFJ analysis I have ever seen on CZcams.
This was a super helpful video - probably one of the best I’ve seen on ENFJ type. I searched this out because I wanted to know more about how to help an ENFJ who’s not in a good place get out of being stuck focussed on their Se. You hit the nail on the head when you said they can get stuck taking the easy option for now at the expense of their future self as that perfectly describes what has led to their life falling apart bit by bit over the last year. I’m an ISFJ and it frustrates me so much that they’ve put off dealing with their issues when they were small and manageable at the expense of their future selves where their problems now overwhelm their whole life. My ENFJ friend can’t see it though and just keeps saying ‘Why do all these bad things keep happening to me?’ when I think in reality they wouldn’t be such bad things had they been dealt with when they happened in a more practical way than just ignoring the problem and hoping it’ll go away. Spoken like a very practical thinking ISFJ, I know, but I’m now at a loss as to how to help my ENFJ friend get their life back on track. I thank you though for your pearls of wisdom in this video, I’ve found it very helpful 😁
Y am I sobbing rn. Cannot thank you enough🤲🏾🖤
That was crazy accurate. Especially about getting into relationships and seeing where they might go in the future. I wish I knew that about myself in my 20s.
This is so spot on! The part about being able to pull out the gift in others is so true. I have been constantly told that I’m the best birthday message giver haha! But I think the thing is that we do want to make others feel safe and welcome, so when we compliment someone we truly look inside ourselves in order to understand what it is about that person that is so great, because everyone is great, we just really focus on what’s a singularity that makes that person different than others…
Take aways fir Enfj
1) take care of your self because set the atmosphere
2) are great in anticipating needs
3) communication
Thanks for this video! There isn't that much content about us online and your video was really helpful and spot on.
Thank you!!
Hello ENFJ’s! Good to see so many of you on here and relating.
Thank you so so much Alexis! Very encouraging and true in saying how we ENFJs need our quality downtime and reflection moments so that we can recharge and be better in helping those around us. Thanks again for your spot-on critique of this personality type!
ENFJs Are AWESOME! They Are Great Partners In Crime With Us ENTPs.
I'm an ENT/FJ. I've taken the test 5 times over 30 yrs and I am always a strong E, N, J and I'm pretty much 50/50 with T and F. I have figured out I'm more F in my social life and more T at work.
You did a good job explaining.
You are probably are an ENFJ then! Our Fe works in harmony with Te when we're at work, making us an efficient, deadly weapon haha
Samee
Just discovered you. Shocked to hear you talk at the end about being so anxious. This video has helped me understand myself better than any other single video or talk or book about mbti or any personality assessment. Can’t wait to watch the video on my husband’s type next. From the bottom of my warm, empathic, philosophical but also sometimes extremely anxious heart - thank you for this 🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽
I’m always complementing others when I truly feel they deserve it. I on the other hand don’t receive compliments very rarely. I don’t expect them, but it would sure be nice to feel appreciated once in awhile. I don’t believe that’s asking too much.
You really do see this picture clearly, your description is remarkably accurate
I'm an ENFJ and Enneagram 5 wing 6 sexual subtybe
This is the most truthful, caring and logically sound description on the internet that I've found.
Thank you coming from an ENFJ ❤️🙏❤️
Im so single as ENFJ that it’s not even funny. Im told Im intimidating and that people think i must have a full, exciting dating life when the opposite is true. I am very selective though because I notice now, I attract narcissistic men who only want me as a trophy. This makes my heart break so much because i need love and nurturing too.
All I can say is I agree I’m very selective, people think I have suitors lined up so I think that has an opposite effect they think I must get tons of attention and compliments so therefore I get none lml
Woahh! The bit about mood setting was a surreal observation for me! And it being super important to look after myself because of the negative knock on effect to the atmosphere of the group. I, like most ENFJs fear being misunderstood massively - something I know long before I got into MBTI - but it’s hard not to be when everyone morphs into how you are internally. It makes it too easy to live for other people when the outcome of simply feeling a bit grumpy can easily spiral into conflict and poor morale
You brought me to tears! I have been interested in Myers Briggs personality for about 2 years now and I have never found such an accurate description and explanation of who ENFJs like me are. I do tend to beat myself up sometimes, for little things, and you showing and listing what we bring to the world made me feel amazing and more confident in who I am. Your video was really not criticizing, it has been more helpful than anything. Thank you SO much for this ❤️
As a male this was hard to hear. Explained a lot about my needs not being met and my inability to express them in favor of taking care of people
Thanks for sharing the info! I recently discovered that I’m an ENFJ, and the advice really resonated with my life experiences. Many aspects hit home, explaining my choices and behaviors. Childhood trauma led me to rely heavily on introverted thinking/intuition, but as I grow, I’m overcoming fear of judgment. Now, I understand why I cherish connecting with people. While I recognize my underdeveloped extroverted feeling, I embrace authenticity. Feeling a bit like Poppy from the Trolls movie, I just want to be everyone’s best friend, sing, dance, and braid hair together! Hahaha.
My ENFJs brothers and sisters totally spoke what I want. So lastly, thanks for all of you guys (especially the sister who made this video) 💚
Hello, BEAUTIFUL! True ENFJ here. Your are BRILLIANT! A lot of food for thought😂...How I wish I could share with you the ENFJ perspective!😉
As an Enfj myself i would like to say to my fellow mates pls accept compliments and really put urself first too it will make you feel less burdened!
I really love what you're sharing here, and your authenticity is mind blowing!! I am ENFJ myself and I learned a lot from it, thank you so much!
one of my struggles as an enfj is feeling inadequate when I'm not feeling connected to others (in my perception) so I'm working on being okay with that :)
Helpful, also any videos or a series that could go into how different personalities handle positive and negative stress for each type would be super interesting ❤️
Great video! can't wait for the infj one.
czcams.com/video/nw81gJTd5FY/video.html 🥳
@@AlexisKingsley oh yeah I already watched it , it's amazing!! solved 90% of my problems.
@@marwamach749 you're amazing!! 🤩
Binge watching does not move the needle for me lol soooo true!!!
ENFJ shows themselves already. they are just genuinely intrigued with other people. and because they are focus in other people in general way, they have hard time knowing when somebody likes them…. like, if somebody is extra nice, they wouldn’t know because they probably is nicer than that person. ENFJ don’t usually do possible unfruitful action, like why complain if they know the other person will not care.
that is not always healthy…. the unconscious annoyances can build up and boil any moment…
Brilliant.. highly insightful.. I love that you give away the most common advice for all the types. BUT I am overwhelmed with the harmonic frequency you seem to have struck with the comments section.💙
Ah, boundaries with other people. The struggle is so real. #peoplearentprojects
This is a really great video! As an ENTJ I've learnt so much about myself from this video, thanks.
This video helped me a lot. I felt seen as most people don't really know me... and I know everything about them. It can be exhausting at times,but I'm learning to seclude myself and focus on my life for once❤ it's beautiful ❤
6:12 Freudian slip? Lol just kidding! Thank you for the video and the information !!
Also wow I am getting good at this stuff. Someone asked in the comments what are you again? And I guessed INTJ and after that I saw on the channel you are 😄 It helps I know INTJ's 😇
Thank you so much for this video! It had me in tears at the end, as an ENFJ I have been focusing too much on other people and their wellbeing for most of my life. The last 3 years have been an adventure of focusing more on myself. It really got bad once I had a child and became a full-time single Dad. I realized I can't be here for anyone I care about if I don't take the time to give myself time, in all aspects of life. So thank you for helping me reaffirm the path I am on is the healthiest road to happiness. I'm eternally grateful!
ENFJ male here.
I can dead ass in the middle of a convo say a phrase and make the person stop all they are doing in shock. And then I just look back smiling like "yeah I know u".
Isn't it weird how we do this? It's always such a treat when we encounter another person who does this to us. It's rare.
First time viewer- I think this video changed my whole perspective of me - thank you for being you !! ❤ you’re such a cutie “ I only know good things , sorry if it came off too harsh”. Bless you - long term subscriber now ❤
I’m a mechanical engineer ENFJ, I love how heartfelt we are ❤
As an ENFJ I see more my shortcomings. The biggest one is my default response to trust someone and when they take advantage I can’t trust them ever again. This personality trait has been a net positive for me professionally and with friendships but relationships? It’s rough. I spend a lot of time criticizing myself and I feel better helping someone else than myself. That is not a humble brag. I wonder how many ENFJ’s seek therapy. I don’t. Thanks for the video.
This is by far the greatest mbti video I've ever seen, I can really feel your Te in your explanations, and you're also great at communicating :)
That was a lot of information. I respond on the middle part about se and ti. I try to apply it to myself here and maybe some people can relate or learn from it.
So what you are saying is basicly when we use Ti more we don't use Se in an argument so basicly by letting some disconfort out we don't explode when it's to late.
My side of the story comes from an unhealthy moment in my life:
I am kind of aware of this. When there is something not sitting right with me I am indeed affraid of conflict or to be seen as difficult but later it will feel like nobody cares about my side and when I express it I am in a state of high emotions and it end up being a conflict. This is indeed because I listen too much to Fe..
So what this video is saying is express your concerns and boundries before I feel it's a problem.
I am Litterly struggling with that right now. I am going through depression because I had 2 relationships where I put their feelings before mine and indeed they forgot about asking about me as a person which is actually painfull for someone who is a deep thinker Ni + Ti.
In relationships I become a people pleaser and also see only their potential. In my defence it's hard to see the reality (ni) when you are in love.
In friendships I do express myself and talk about myself in contrast to the friend in the middle of the video because I feel closer and they do too. It also helps them to open up and trust me more so it's a win win scenario haha 😊.
Anyways.. Because of depression I feel like nobody cares about my boundries and wishes and I am extra sensitive to those I have (triggert by trauma). So people keep dissapointing me which makes me even more likely to isolate, sad and lonely.. It's very hard to imply your advice to get out of the se and use more the ti. I am overanalysing everything tho but it's still highly emotional when I express myself.
I am not just accepting my depressed response to isolate myself because I want to get out of this state (hard Ti can be usefull 😉) . I don't want to push people away. I do have a strong Ti/Ni even tho I am depressed and I am affraid I will loose all of them because of my strong Se right now. So I am very strict on myself.
But It's very difficult to communicate my feelings and boundries in a healthy way.
Btw normally I am the fun, loving, empathic, wise friend. I am the entertainer, the psychologist, the caberetier and the consultant. I have strong insights in politics, about the news, justice, charity etc but this side (ni) is contradicting the video actually a lot of the time not appreciated by people especially sensors or feelers because these topics are connected with strong opinions and feelings of both sides. So I generally only speak about it when I can tell it more as facts and information and less in my future forseeing ways. (Also nobody remembers I was right afterwards and nobody likes to hear it either 🤣).
Also I saw the rest of the video and your experiences with ENFJ's sound like very extraverted. To be honest I am like that with new people and parties. I will see the one that is a bit more shy or introverted and will make sure this person will feel seen and they feel good. But I am also very self aware, been bullied and can be pretty shy in some situations, affraid to be judged and this sensitive side seems ignored in most stories about enfj's and basicly have rarely met someone who will make sure I feel included.
Thanks for the video and your great analysis it's amazing how accurate mbti can be!
So true in the sense that I can undress easily without trying other people and get them to their core. But when it comes to them knowing me, it’s so hard to let them in. I almost don’t know how or why I’m like this? There’s only been one or two other people who have really gotten to know me and they were also an ENFJ. It’s also very hard to be fully aware of My needs and what I want… would love further advice on this!
Wow that was a great video! Very insightful! Keep up the great work!
This video was so healing and revelatory on so many levels. I felt understood and I came to an understanding about parts of me that I didn’t know before. Thank you for this beautiful take on my personality type. I’m very grateful for your time and energy put into this!
You have no idea how good this made me feel. I wished this video never ends.
And. Yes, We -the ENFJs- have been observing your energy the whole time. we loved every bit of it ;)
❤❤❤ Hi, you actually did a very good review on enfj's!
I am one so you know I will give you a straight forward comment.
The content you presented was a good mix of logic and experience with the type discussed.
Try to create a better blend by focusing on dispensing the information, rather than apologizing to cushion the feelings of others.
In doing the aforementioned, you can make the enfj feel like they need to be shielded more than necessary.
Thanks for your efforts. Keep smiling. Shine on!
Angel/Trinidad.
❤❤❤
thank you for this, your lecture was very linear and helped me in my absolute descent into the madness of the beast known as Ti, fortunately through much premeditation and a lot of feet kicking I was able to step into it long enough to get a feel of how I can realistically use this without turning the lights off. In prior real world experiences, I'm not sure if sometimes I use Fi in stress or I'm accessing my Ti, I don't enjoy using either of these functions, but I do understand the necessity of using it to create your own path in life, which feels so awkward, but it is more reliable than my initial mindset which is, just go outside toward people and opportunity will be unveiled to me LOL
I identify with a lot of this, thank you What about an ENFJ who has anxious energy or some level of anxiety? Thoughts on that?
I'd say the Se function can be anxious in the back slots, so maybe develop Ni. It's a very zen slow function :)
I am INTJ, my best friend is ENFJ, I enjoy a lot our friendship, incridible adventures!
I will let them talk while simultaneously scanning their personality or what they really need and after that decide what is the best or necessary move. I am an ENFJ.
I didn’t even notice your anxious energy because the video is so captivating. I don’t remember myself pausing videos every 5 minutes for deep thinking ever. ❤️🧡💛
Thank you for saying "You don't need to solve all the world's problems at once." Man.... it really is so hard to step back, let go, and prioritize focusing on yourself for a season as an ENFJ. The feelings of others in need are extremely intense and then when you feel like you can't do anything about it because you're in an unhealthy state and burned out the internalization and beating yourself up gets bad. This was a really helpful and solid video. I definitely felt very seen, heard, as well as counseled. Btw you were doing great even though you were feeling nervous it's natural no matter how much experience you have in front of a camera.
I enjoyed your video. Thank you for sharing. Well spoken. I just recently discovered that im possibly an ENFJ, if the test results are accurate. Im 44 yrs old and just getting to know myself. You mentioned that you don't know many ENFJ's. Ill be your friend, or associate. Lol. If you feel it's worth it. I try to only hold on to positives in life... thanks for sharing your knowledge with the world 🌎 🙏🏽
Your breakdown of this is amazing!
This video is amazing!!
This was helpful and I am very greatful for this video. I didn't sense your anxiousness really but you just seemed really prepared for it and I could tell you feel strongly about us 😊. I also like how you described it as water and food. Sometimes it's hard for me to think of analogies for things because that's how I like describing things and that was perfect. 10/10 video
Thank you for overcoming your anxiousness to make this video, we really appreciate it I'm proud of you! Very helpful and enjoyable video subbed
One of the best and most helpful ENFJ-videos I've seen as an ENFJ. Especially the part about being so people focused that ppl don't know the 'real me' very well? Ouch that hurt. But it's true, something I need to be working on. I think it's a confidence issue bc I think I'm a great person, but other people be more interesting than me? I don't know 😄
Se: "help others as a way to avoid own problems" Hahahaha, good point! (and not the only one, but this one is a great one. I think we generally use extroversion to avoid ... "introverting" and caring for ourselves, because we don't see care for ourselves as "important")
For so long I used to get the ISFJ personality type. Now as of lately I've been getting the ENFJ personality type. I do feel more resonated with this personality type, yet I will say I am an unhealthy version of what you've presented. I want to truly embody every character trait you spoke on and envision myself in a new life, born into someone greater than. It will take time, and consistency is key, thank you for taking your time to expel such beautiful information. This spoke to me in ways you can't even imagine, never felt more heard than what you presented in this video. You are such a kind soul, and I feel like you were pretty spot on and not too harsh on the criticism at all. 💕💕
ENFJ here - I feel like you nailed this. You have such a soothing cadence that made it beyond easy to listen to. I loved your advice about needing to develop the introverted thinking - this was crucial for me in my personal development - you got that so, so right! Additionally, the ability to face 5 minutes of confrontation rather than "1 hour of rage" (lol) was spot on too - Since we tend to be the type to anticipate other's needs - its easy to fall into the trap that others will do the same. I just loved your take! It's very possible that I already watched & commented on this some time ago, so if this comment is just a repeat - i lovingly do not apologize. hahaha
This has been so insightful. The part on understanding that some people aren’t constantly anticipating the needs of others was a lightbulb moment. They have other valuable strengths. It’s not personal, anticipating needs just happens to be one of mine. Thus will be so great for my relationships. Thank you
Great information, thank you for taking the time to create the video!