Then report them. Find their other victims and get as many people to report them as possible; I've gotten more than one toxic person fired this way. They don't experience enough consequences; that's why they act like that. Love the video : D
My guy has been reported many times but management seems to brush it under the rug and is in construction where this type of behaviour is more tolerated. But I've been doing this 15 years and he's by far the worst I've had in that span and other guys all hate him too. He knows how to finesse management and he passes it off as banter. Yelling and throwing things and people and screaming until your face is red is not banter.
I am amazed how many people never get past the silent stare. Before I could count to 3, one person was screeching at me and causing a scene. I was just calmly looking at her. She looked up, turned red, and glared at me every time she saw me after that. I didn't make a fool of you, dear. You didn't need my help. And everyone saw it, so go on and glare.
Great point. I now hate any form of fraternization in any form with co-workers. The dreaded "let's go get a beer". Down the road, This always morphs into that intimacy based, dysfunctional exchange, where they start being abusive. Or innuendos, backhanded compliments. I once shut down my boss with "Let me get this straight, Dan (yes it was Dan lol) for me to work here, do we have to be best friends? I'll fix that invoice pronto, no problem , thanks for pointing that out! " He had said something like: "you're such a Blah-blah blah. " Actually, I did shoot off a lot of Estes rockets when I was like 13.
@@TheWizardOfWords At least it's not 1955 where wifey has to cook him dinner and then two days later he's ripping you apart in front of the whole team .
I love the way you break these things down. I low key feel like you talk to toxic people like their toddlers. It's both funny and informative! Thank you for sharing these tips!
Yes thanks for the video! I don't agree that these communication techniques are only for toddlers but definitely clear and effecitve communication is important in the workplace in general. It's important to define and communicate oneself to others when they don't know
The foundation for your ability to counter the jackals in your life is a strong work ethic and the intention to get ahead only insofar as the value you provide. You can't allow stuff like this to happen to you when you work hard, respect yourself, respect others, and stay in communication with people.
Given the person you describe--it's not that he/she won't have challenges with toxic people in the office. It is that they will know how to deal with them.
My new trainee wasn't getting it. I had concerns. I told the manager it should not take 10 shifts for her to understand and grasp 1/10 of the workload. The manager responded, "It's not rocket science". It took so much self restraint not to blurt out, "maybe someone should tell my trainee". I finally just reiterated, "be that as it may, she isn't getting it". Looking forward to more videos!
Dan this is excellent advice! Very powerful. I have to admit, I did become a little complacent , but I am getting back on track. I am generally not very vocal, and find myself struggling sometimes to get the right words out. I am finding the more I stand up to some people, the more challenging they become. It’s like one step forward, two steps back. 🙏🏻🤗🙌
@@TheWizardOfWordsI did try, and the bullying escalated. These are beautiful ways to respond with dignity. Unfortunately, if the bullies feel diminished by the speaker's composure, eloquence, and logic, it can result in an increase in terrorizing the speaker, if the bullies hold power unchecked. There's still no other way to go for me. I honestly don't know what response workplace bullies are aiming for, except perhaps a reaction that displays the worker has been provoked so that the bullies feel justified in firing the worker. These workplace dynamics are so often enormous abuses of power by psychologically violent people.
@tigerlily8504 in that case, Lily, you never had a chance to win. Some workplaces are so toxic, that you can do whatever and the only way out is to leave. But even then, with Dan's power phrases at least you can say, you left in a professional and dignified way, and that makes all the difference.
I did this internship last summer, and my boss did two things that irritated me. First, he liked to walk up behind me and startled me. After he did it the third time, I asked him to stop walking up behind me and startling me like that. He did it two more times before the end of my internship. Another thing that irritated me was the one-up-manship he tried to do. He would ask me what I thought of a task. I replied that it was an exciting task or I enjoyed doing that. He then would state how he had done 16 or 24 hours of that same task at one time. I felt he was trying to stroke his ego or make himself seem like a rockstar.
Yes I agree. I don't like when managers regale their own experiences as a way to relate to someone or think they are having a conversation. :( I hope your internships have gone better. One way to prevent the walking up behind you, after you spoke up once like that, is that the next time they do it, to display your startled reaction of shock. 'Ahhh!! You scared me!' and engage them in brief convos about how startled you were. To remind them that you don't like being startled. If they don't see the reaction they won't think it's an issue :(. But do that for etiquette things like this only and in a controlled way. Even if they don't agree, the following time if they still do it, remind them formally like you did that you seriously don't like it. Give them another option like knocking on the cubicle. And then in the future stand when they come up behind you and stand for conversations until the message is received
There's so much more. Body language is some 80 percent of communication . I don't ever want to be condescending to anyone, I'm not the parent ...I'm the co worker
Hey brother, how would you deal with someone who is so very subtly passive aggressive that you can't really call them out on their behaviour because of it's subtlety. ie: always disagreeing with what you're saying in a non aggressive way, or acting like everything you say is slightly wrong or not a topic worth discussing. So essentially, a person who is always butting heads with you but in a non aggressive way. PS Love your videos!!!
Glad to find your channel. This seems like advice that would actually work. The other ones ive seen are far too laid back "correct" ways to deal with it that i know wont work. My coworker is the type that needs push back but i want to do it in a way that wont get me in trouble.
I'm still interested in how to react when bully take advantage of one of your weaknesses, personal secrets that you don't want to share with others, and a direct confrontation would expose you even more to others. For example, a medical condition that you don't want to make public...
Listening on a five hour drive to one of your videos I can't remember which one. You were talking about your dog Buddy who was going deaf and having a hard time because he was very loud and whiny after his morning walk. One of the issues with people going deaf is that the ears lose hearing at different stages, or the drain tubes in one ear can become plugged while the other ear is more clear. This causes balance issues or dizziness or nausea- the dog can become whiny because they want someway to be grounded and touch is a grounding mechanism. A small amount of ginger 1/4 tsp for small dogs (look up how much to give your dog) increases blood flow to the oil membrane in the ears and somewhat helps with dizziness in both humans and dogs.
Hello, Dan. Are you opposed to addressing a situation where people butt into your business when they have no business butting in? I have tried with a neighborhood acquaintance many times to say things like “ thank you for your concern but I’ve got it handled” or “ thank you for your interest in my home improvements, I’m making improvements that make me happy” when they question why am I doing the things I’m doing to my house. Or responding such as “ thank you for your concern I’ve got it handled but I know I can reach out to you if I needed advice or support.” it just never ends. And this is someone in the neighborhood social Circle so I can’t really avoid the person. I want to avoid telling them to mind their own business outright but I’m tempted to do so LOL. While watching this video tonight I thought “what would Dan do? “
I would recognize that they will continue to butt in, and I'd handle each situation pretty much as you did with "Thank you, however I have it handled" and I'd use the broken record no matter WHAT they say. "THAT MAY BE BUT I have it handled." If they say "BUT YOUR HOUSE WILL BURN DOWN" -you'd respond with "That may be but I have it handled." :). After awhile they will get the hint. The broken record works wonders.
😂🤣😂🤣😂! No! It sounds sooooo good but I think saying this will definitely get me fired….lol. Boss is already glitching because I’m work focused and not drama focused. This will add fuel to the flame.
I already ruined myself by being so open at work. And now that I slowly pulled the reigns back and quiet down. Now it’s an issue as I see people were used to getting a certain feed. And now it’s less and shorter and If the bait is there I respect it to nonsense or fade out to a work subject
0:14 Give moment of silence 0:23 I understand, do you understand 1:22 difference professional, unprofessional and intimate 2:09 It is not about them, its about your opportunity demo professional skills 2:58 responding in a loving way (dignify/respect) to non professional is effective to showcase professionalism and teach professional communication 3:33 maintain the goal Skills to do 3:37 Body language and tone 4:13 know your worth; don’t give power away 4:58 pull other up to your level rather than spar Well delivered message. Highlighed as so many things that deserve review. 🫶🏼☺️
@@TheWizardOfWords too vital to know that it deserved the respect of an easy way to review content. You’ve been busy making videos, I finally caught up. 😅
I like the idea of having props. The glasses swipe looks incredible! Do you have any other suggestions for convenient props? (I assume messing with my phone would be rude) ... I usually have a pen and a pad when I get pulled into an important meeting, and I wonder if it's acceptable to give a double click within the beat of 'let that hang there' silence before replying..?
First--thank you for your membership and support :). Second, the double-click is a pretty good idea :). You're looking for a prop for emphasis--let me think about that one. For me, the glasses are the perfect tool for that.
There are many types of love, and I am referring to agape--the love characterized by wishing people well and being kind. It has nothing to do with "feelings," as eros (erotic) and phileo (brotherly--friendship) love do. So yes, I do love them and hope they love me as well.
@@TheWizardOfWords agape is something in connection with God's love; also you have all kind of strategies to survive those people, is that love. OK to have strategies
Yes, there is no conflict between strategies and love. And there is no conflict between God/man agape and agape as expressed between and among people. The. important thing to realize is that not all forms of love involve "feelings."
So in a NUTSHELL, to defend yourself in the workplace, it is recommended to behave like a witty, sassy, flamboyant, high pitched gay man doing his scattering hand gestures, while working as a hairstylist, wearing skinny jeans and a tight crop-top? Wouldnt the person being bullied attract more bullies if they behave and talk with “confidence”?! Lolz hahaha hahaha
@@TheWizardOfWords "Hi, I apologize for my earlier comment; it was a lame attempt at satired humor, similar to what you would see in animated adult sitcoms like Family Guy and The Simpsons. I have been binge-watching these shows a bit too much, and I think it is time for me to take a break. I am sorry if my attempt at humor offended you. It was foolish and thoughtless of me."
I’m really bad at with people. I tip well but working with people? You have to be hard and try not to stick your head into a freezer and cry. Or get food poisoning. I’m eating pickles out of a jar. I have to deal with family. I’m dad my hair iron? It is absolutely not a sex toy.
Then report them. Find their other victims and get as many people to report them as possible; I've gotten more than one toxic person fired this way. They don't experience enough consequences; that's why they act like that.
Love the video : D
My guy has been reported many times but management seems to brush it under the rug and is in construction where this type of behaviour is more tolerated. But I've been doing this 15 years and he's by far the worst I've had in that span and other guys all hate him too. He knows how to finesse management and he passes it off as banter. Yelling and throwing things and people and screaming until your face is red is not banter.
Pro Chefs sum it up in 8 words... "Don't talk to me like you know me"
I am amazed how many people never get past the silent stare. Before I could count to 3, one person was screeching at me and causing a scene. I was just calmly looking at her. She looked up, turned red, and glared at me every time she saw me after that. I didn't make a fool of you, dear. You didn't need my help. And everyone saw it, so go on and glare.
Great point. I now hate any form of fraternization in any form with co-workers. The dreaded "let's go get a beer". Down the road, This always morphs into that intimacy based, dysfunctional exchange, where they start being abusive. Or innuendos, backhanded compliments. I once shut down my boss with "Let me get this straight, Dan (yes it was Dan lol) for me to work here, do we have to be best friends? I'll fix that invoice pronto, no problem , thanks for pointing that out! " He had said something like: "you're such a Blah-blah blah. " Actually, I did shoot off a lot of Estes rockets when I was like 13.
Robert, I think the "No, I can't. I simply can't" broken record is appropriate for the "let's go get a beer" comment.
@@TheWizardOfWords At least it's not 1955 where wifey has to cook him dinner and then two days later he's ripping you apart in front of the whole team .
I love the way you break these things down. I low key feel like you talk to toxic people like their toddlers. It's both funny and informative! Thank you for sharing these tips!
Yes thanks for the video! I don't agree that these communication techniques are only for toddlers but definitely clear and effecitve communication is important in the workplace in general. It's important to define and communicate oneself to others when they don't know
The foundation for your ability to counter the jackals in your life is a strong work ethic and the intention to get ahead only insofar as the value you provide. You can't allow stuff like this to happen to you when you work hard, respect yourself, respect others, and stay in communication with people.
Given the person you describe--it's not that he/she won't have challenges with toxic people in the office. It is that they will know how to deal with them.
My new trainee wasn't getting it. I had concerns. I told the manager it should not take 10 shifts for her to understand and grasp 1/10 of the workload. The manager responded, "It's not rocket science". It took so much self restraint not to blurt out, "maybe someone should tell my trainee". I finally just reiterated, "be that as it may, she isn't getting it". Looking forward to more videos!
Not all great technicians are great teachers.
Dan this is excellent advice! Very powerful. I have to admit, I did become a little complacent , but I am getting back on track. I am generally not very vocal, and find myself struggling sometimes to get the right words out. I am finding the more I stand up to some people, the more challenging they become. It’s like one step forward, two steps back. 🙏🏻🤗🙌
dnt let that demoralize you. see each moment as practice in standing for yourself. you'll get there!
That first exchange would have gotten me fired in most any job I have ever had. The average boss is not that advanced.
But Fred--did you ever TRY??? :) :)
@@TheWizardOfWordsI did try, and the bullying escalated. These are beautiful ways to respond with dignity. Unfortunately, if the bullies feel diminished by the speaker's composure, eloquence, and logic, it can result in an increase in terrorizing the speaker, if the bullies hold power unchecked. There's still no other way to go for me. I honestly don't know what response workplace bullies are aiming for, except perhaps a reaction that displays the worker has been provoked so that the bullies feel justified in firing the worker. These workplace dynamics are so often enormous abuses of power by psychologically violent people.
@tigerlily8504 in that case, Lily, you never had a chance to win. Some workplaces are so toxic, that you can do whatever and the only way out is to leave. But even then, with Dan's power phrases at least you can say, you left in a professional and dignified way, and that makes all the difference.
@@tigerlily8504that has been my experience as has keeping the focus on the core work- the “client”
I did this internship last summer, and my boss did two things that irritated me. First, he liked to walk up behind me and startled me. After he did it the third time, I asked him to stop walking up behind me and startling me like that. He did it two more times before the end of my internship. Another thing that irritated me was the one-up-manship he tried to do. He would ask me what I thought of a task. I replied that it was an exciting task or I enjoyed doing that. He then would state how he had done 16 or 24 hours of that same task at one time. I felt he was trying to stroke his ego or make himself seem like a rockstar.
Yes I agree. I don't like when managers regale their own experiences as a way to relate to someone or think they are having a conversation. :(
I hope your internships have gone better. One way to prevent the walking up behind you, after you spoke up once like that, is that the next time they do it, to display your startled reaction of shock. 'Ahhh!! You scared me!' and engage them in brief convos about how startled you were. To remind them that you don't like being startled. If they don't see the reaction they won't think it's an issue :(. But do that for etiquette things like this only and in a controlled way. Even if they don't agree, the following time if they still do it, remind them formally like you did that you seriously don't like it. Give them another option like knocking on the cubicle. And then in the future stand when they come up behind you and stand for conversations until the message is received
This is GOLD!!!!!! Thank you Wizard :)
There's so much more. Body language is some 80 percent of communication .
I don't ever want to be condescending to anyone, I'm not the parent ...I'm the co worker
Hey brother, how would you deal with someone who is so very subtly passive aggressive that you can't really call them out on their behaviour because of it's subtlety. ie: always disagreeing with what you're saying in a non aggressive way, or acting like everything you say is slightly wrong or not a topic worth discussing. So essentially, a person who is always butting heads with you but in a non aggressive way. PS Love your videos!!!
thank you for all your kind response tips!
You are so welcome!
Glad to find your channel. This seems like advice that would actually work. The other ones ive seen are far too laid back "correct" ways to deal with it that i know wont work. My coworker is the type that needs push back but i want to do it in a way that wont get me in trouble.
I'm still interested in how to react when bully take advantage of one of your weaknesses, personal secrets that you don't want to share with others, and a direct confrontation would expose you even more to others. For example, a medical condition that you don't want to make public...
Listening on a five hour drive to one of your videos I can't remember which one. You were talking about your dog Buddy who was going deaf and having a hard time because he was very loud and whiny after his morning walk. One of the issues with people going deaf is that the ears lose hearing at different stages, or the drain tubes in one ear can become plugged while the other ear is more clear. This causes balance issues or dizziness or nausea- the dog can become whiny because they want someway to be grounded and touch is a grounding mechanism. A small amount of ginger 1/4 tsp for small dogs (look up how much to give your dog) increases blood flow to the oil membrane in the ears and somewhat helps with dizziness in both humans and dogs.
Many many thanks Atilaurakiss.
Hello, Dan. Are you opposed to addressing a situation where people butt into your business when they have no business butting in? I have tried with a neighborhood acquaintance many times to say things like “ thank you for your concern but I’ve got it handled” or “ thank you for your interest in my home improvements, I’m making improvements that make me happy” when they question why am I doing the things I’m doing to my house. Or responding such as “ thank you for your concern I’ve got it handled but I know I can reach out to you if I needed advice or support.” it just never ends. And this is someone in the neighborhood social Circle so I can’t really avoid the person. I want to avoid telling them to mind their own business outright but I’m tempted to do so LOL. While watching this video tonight I thought “what would Dan do? “
I would recognize that they will continue to butt in, and I'd handle each situation pretty much as you did with "Thank you, however I have it handled" and I'd use the broken record no matter WHAT they say. "THAT MAY BE BUT I have it handled." If they say "BUT YOUR HOUSE WILL BURN DOWN" -you'd respond with "That may be but I have it handled." :). After awhile they will get the hint. The broken record works wonders.
@@TheWizardOfWords thank you!! 🙏
😂🤣😂🤣😂! No! It sounds sooooo good but I think saying this will definitely get me fired….lol. Boss is already glitching because I’m work focused and not drama focused. This will add fuel to the flame.
So you are satisfied staying where you are? OK, then that tells me your boss is not that bad, right? Yes? No?
@@TheWizardOfWords...he's very bad...
This is so profound I love 😍 it thank you so so much for this amazing message I appreciate it thank you 😊❤❤
Please go to work for me on Monday.
AMEN!!! everything you say at every moment in this!!
Thank you Dan for these communication tips. So helpful and handy tools for a sticky situation.❤️
Yes--to use a phrase :) :)
I already ruined myself by being so open at work. And now that I slowly pulled the reigns back and quiet down. Now it’s an issue as I see people were used to getting a certain feed. And now it’s less and shorter and If the bait is there I respect it to nonsense or fade out to a work subject
0:14 Give moment of silence
0:23 I understand, do you understand
1:22 difference professional, unprofessional and intimate
2:09 It is not about them, its about your opportunity demo professional skills
2:58 responding in a loving way (dignify/respect) to non professional is effective to showcase professionalism and teach professional communication
3:33 maintain the goal
Skills to do
3:37 Body language and tone
4:13 know your worth; don’t give power away
4:58 pull other up to your level rather than spar
Well delivered message. Highlighed as so many things that deserve review. 🫶🏼☺️
Many thanks, Katherine.
@@TheWizardOfWords too vital to know that it deserved the respect of an easy way to review content. You’ve been busy making videos, I finally caught up. 😅
Cuando yo vea los videos suyos, me ponga feliz.♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️
I like the idea of having props. The glasses swipe looks incredible!
Do you have any other suggestions for convenient props? (I assume messing with my phone would be rude)
... I usually have a pen and a pad when I get pulled into an important meeting, and I wonder if it's acceptable to give a double click within the beat of 'let that hang there' silence before replying..?
First--thank you for your membership and support :). Second, the double-click is a pretty good idea :). You're looking for a prop for emphasis--let me think about that one. For me, the glasses are the perfect tool for that.
I am getting a breakthrough through this. The button foes not open..please help
I like that !
HI DAN, *****GO DIVO! ****** GREAT VIDEO.. ANGELA IN MONTANA WE SPOKE ABOUT MY BOOK ON AFFIRMATIONS.
🔥 🔥 Superb!
Thank you very much!
Please always specify which should be used with managers
Happy to see you back Blue :). I enjoy your comments.
Ugh… wish I would have seen this months ago. Let’s just say. They won 😢
it's not loving, it's maybe polite, you don't love them, and they don't love you
There are many types of love, and I am referring to agape--the love characterized by wishing people well and being kind. It has nothing to do with "feelings," as eros (erotic) and phileo (brotherly--friendship) love do. So yes, I do love them and hope they love me as well.
@@TheWizardOfWords agape is something in connection with God's love; also you have all kind of strategies to survive those people, is that love. OK to have strategies
Yes, there is no conflict between strategies and love. And there is no conflict between God/man agape and agape as expressed between and among people. The. important thing to realize is that not all forms of love involve "feelings."
So in a NUTSHELL, to defend yourself in the workplace, it is recommended to behave like a witty, sassy, flamboyant, high pitched gay man doing his scattering hand gestures, while working as a hairstylist, wearing skinny jeans and a tight crop-top?
Wouldnt the person being bullied attract more bullies if they behave and talk with “confidence”?!
Lolz hahaha hahaha
Wow, you're really studying those gay men, MrAs. I hope that helps you.
@@TheWizardOfWords
"Hi,
I apologize for my earlier comment; it was a lame attempt at satired humor, similar to what you would see in animated adult sitcoms like Family Guy and The Simpsons. I have been binge-watching these shows a bit too much, and I think it is time for me to take a break. I am sorry if my attempt at humor offended you. It was foolish and thoughtless of me."
Genius😂❤
I’m really bad at with people. I tip well but working with people?
You have to be hard and try not to stick your head into a freezer and cry. Or get food poisoning.
I’m eating pickles out of a jar. I have to deal with family.
I’m dad my hair iron? It is absolutely not a sex toy.