I Will Out Live You! | 2 Bears, 1 Cave Ep. 167
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- čas přidán 27. 06. 2024
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Welcome back to another episode of 2 Bears, 1 Cave! This week Tom and Bert share their wildest stories of visiting Europe, discuss why South Africa got mad at Bert, their feelings about money and success from comedy, what the most successful actors have in common and more! They wrap up by pondering how long Bert will live, which leads into a conversation about their fathers.
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00:00:00 - Intro
00:00:49 - Europe Stories
00:12:50 - Liberia
00:19:05 - South Africa Got Mad At Bert
00:22:03 - Chad Daniels
00:28:52 - Money and Success
00:40:24 - Drinking At Comedy Clubs
00:45:06 - What the Most Successful Actors Have in Common
00:48:50 - How Long Bert’s Going to Live
00:54:28 - Tom and Bert’s Dads - Komedie
My favorite line is Brent saying he will live until 90 and running out of breath while saying it.
It will be a modern medical miracle if Bert reaches 90
I doubt he will make 60.
Let’s not get ahead of ourselves, he’s not even 60 yet. A liver can only work so hard for so long
Will be a miracle if that guy even makes 60 or 65.
It’s a miracle he’s alive this long 😂😂😂
Nah, Life isn't fair..
Tom has the most patience of any man alive.
52:40 “We should be buried together😮” Most Bert line I’ve ever heard😂😂
Missed opportunity for “2 bears one grave”
He looks so sincere. 🥹
Bert : I might not let you tell your story , because that's how excited I am to tell MY story .
Welcome to this entire podcast , all the time .
It’s become intolerable. He’s changed Tom.
Yeah it makes it pretty hard to listen to, especially someone like be who would just prefer hear Tom and not that Burnt guy
@@beercavetechyou know its half not tom right? This isnt tom talks
Its amazing how often this comment gets dropped. Tom seems to love it, why don't you.
@@eltjeau Cause people love more to shit on others
“I would be shocked if I died” - best quote of 2023.
best quote of 2022 cause this was prob recorded in like November 🤣
This was said months ago. That's why they were laughing about lying about it being in january
@@ghagzor well yeah I hope no one's dumb enough to think they film and put out an episode in 9 days
@@SeventyyTimess7 I mean many podcasts do, but not podcasts where both guys are on the road 88%of the time 😂
@C.A.D. right, that comment was specific to this podcast
Their dynamic… unmatched… can’t be changed. Their personalities compliment each other so much. I love it.
“I was drunk and I misspoke” should be the name of Burn Klershners next special
Bert asking Tom if he's gonna keep interrupting all his stories is the most ironic thing ever 😂😂😂
You do realize that’a why he made that comment, don’t you?😂😂😂
@@dustingroom7440 .... yes. Bert was playing into the Irony lol. That's what makes it funny.
@Panky you didn't know that. Just own up to your ignorance
@@GorbyP who are you to say what someone knew or didnt. you sound narcissistic af lmao
He knows I'm right, you know I'm right.
I vividly love when Bert learns a new word and now says it in every sentence. VIVDLY
I'm sure he too doesn't kno how to spell it lmfao
I think you need to check what vividly means it doesn't work here but its OK I know your an american
@@HenryofEngland lmao trying to scold someone's use of a word & shitting on America while simultaneously butchering your entire sentence is peak stupidity but it's OK I know you're a foreigner
@Guy LeDouche I just assumed a full stop would have you stumped for hours so I felt it would be more digestible to you with poor grammar as that's clearly what you are used to anyway either create your own language or use ours correctly..cheers
@@HenryofEnglandthat’s the joke homie, Bert doesn’t know how to use new word he learns but he sure as shit is gonna use it
“I’d be surprised if I died at all”
I literally choked on my dinner 😂😂😂
Tom talking about Top Dog is the best❤️
Agreed. Does anyone else sincerely believe that Top Dog’s untimely death had anything to do with his usage of the “medicated pads” he talked about on older episodes of YMH?
My cat wakes up every time Bert laughs 😂
Probably fears being attacked by an asthmatic seagull.
My gf in the other room always panicky asks if I'm ok.
You mean, squeals*
Cause he sounds like a screeching, dying reptile when he laughs. But then again..his family name is german and means screecher.
My horse wakes up everytime Bart clicks
I feel like Bart needs to have a pre death funeral, so he gets to enjoy the whole experience. 😂
Honestly I’m surprised he didn’t think of that yet 😂😂
Uh you mean like what he's already talked about doing? He has thought of that yet people. He's mentioned it. You guys listen about as well as Bert does lmfao
@@guyledouche6039 Sorry, some of us haven't watched every second of every podcast and don't memorize every dumbass thought that Bert spouts out.
One Hundred percent
@@thearnold6454 lol. That was funny.
Burt is like:
"I cant imagine a world without me in it"
Hearing Bart say his dad told him “you can’t die from being tired” makes me understand why Bart just says things. You can definitely die from being tired 😂
Bert : The Netherlands flag is similar to the German flag....
The man knows his straight lines.
Belgium has the tilted German flag, Netherlands has a tilted French flag, he was close.
@@heygek2769 close, but only geographically. The colors are not close.
Pretty sure he was thinking of Belgium.
@@_e5598 Yes they are, the fuck you talking about? I am Dutch and live half an hour away from Belgium, about 3 hours to Germany or France. The flags might be a slightly different shade and in the case of germany/belgium 2 colors are swapped, but that's some pedantic shit. And for someone as dumb as Bert, he was pretty close.
he might be colorblind tho...
although I'd say that's the least of his worries
If Bert hits 100 , it's definitely in dog years.
All jokes aside, Bert is laughing through some serious pain at the end of the episode when they start talking about death and their dads. I just wanna give the guy a hug and tell him it’s gonna be ok.
Who is the guy always losing it laughing in the background? It kills me every time 🤣😂
Drinking a Diet Coke while your friend is digging out a prostitute is high level psychopath stuff
Uh no
?? Potter wanted to get laid and that dude has walked off sidewalks right into motes in LA before. No way you can unleash him on Amsterdam alone. Tom looking at for him
Obviously, a normal person would have had a regular Coke.
Pretty sure declining a very very easy chance to cheat on your wife is like the exact opposite of psychopath stuff.
@@AD-df5tm is it really cheating when hiring a “pro” ? At that point it’s just a business transaction.
When the weatherman of Liberia hears about this, you two are in for it 🤣😂
nice callback! 🤣
"My Dad instilled humility in me", and that's why I'm so great lol
Drunk Bart on 2 bears is the best kinda episode 😂😂🔥🙌
"I might not let you tell your story, cause that's how excited I am about my story."
Bert in a nutshell 🤣
there is no one on Earth more self absorbed and yet so kind to others than Brent Kritchna!!!
A term that never gets pushed hard enough is Bert is a shining example of positive narcissism, which is a real thing.
Bruce Chrysler
Dude still wants to get attention even after he's dead
Just uncovered an EXTREMELY important interaction between the two bears and the crew. My Psychology training is paying off. Tell me what you think lol
At 1:07:07 bert (admittedly being drunk) says he loves Tom and said it was crazy.
The booth laughs at him.
Bert is in a fragile state and soaked in positive serotonin when he realizes he’s being laughed at by the booth.
He’s VISIBLY upset and glares at the booth because now he’s embarrassed by wearing his feelings on his shoulder.
Tom IMMEDIATELY recognizes that Bert is hurt, upset, embarrassed, drunk, and probably about to explode or rant.
Tom then distracts him RIGHT AWAY. He says, “what kind of hat is that?” “Are you ready for dinner?”
That question was soooooo out of left field. But Tom knew exactly how to distract Bert and get him out of that rage that was about to ensue.
Tom, well done brother.
Thumbs up if you agree. If you don’t agree, let’s hear why you’re wrong.
You need to take more classes
@@totallyownxxx I’ll save you a seat
You could be right, but it's equally possible you could just be reading WAY too far into it.
@@LandscapeAhoy129 true
I completely agree with you. Tom disarmed Bert super fast. He knows his friend very well.
2:55 Not even 3 minutes into this episode and bert is already talking about cheating on his wife. God I love YMH
It's tremendous
He means well, and has explained this, Leanne is a GOAT wife lol
@YCWideawakeFinest252 ik but shit just funny it had me dying like nadav in the back ground
@@Dubaroo99 lol its the gull he has, to think, because hes famous, he can accept these dellusions as real that makes it HILARRRRIOUS😅
@@YCWideawakeFinest252 and Bert is the dick husband
Beet calling out Tom for interrupting is peak irony
It’s like Hitler saying he hates Nazis.
That's why he made this joke... Jesus
It's about like that's the joke!!
@@rafabar6652 I was complimenting the joke lol
Beet? Hahaha that's a new one lol
54:20
I feel like this exchange perfectly sums up this podcasts dynamic
Morning bears, Brent getting a little taste of himself with Tom cutting off his stories made my day already spectacular
“I’ll be surprised if I die, ever” - Bryce Kushner the liver champ
Bert: "I'm fuckin' hammered"
'sips whiskey'
Has anyone else picked up the word ‘aggressive’ for regular day to day use? I now can’t stop. Thanks Bert
Bart Chrysler evolves into a more drunken version of himself every episode. Can't wait to see the final form.
Jabba the Hutt?
Boneless.
Early death...
@@albertosantosramirez595That got Darth FAST
@@itachitsukuyomidcuo9853 well reality s'bitch
Hanging with Brent must be like if someone came out of cryogenic deep sleep and everything is new and exciting.
Perfectly summed up.
Karl Pilkington.
wet brain
😄 yes that..
Human Golden Retriever
Listening to Bert trying to do quick math on how many weeks he has left was the best part of this podcast
I am 35. I am in great shape, in perfect health, no family health issues, I work out every day, I eat right, I don't drink, I don't smoke, I don't do drugs, and I do not have a fraction of the confidence about living to 90/100 that Bert does. What an inspiration.
Good morning bears
Mornin'!
Morning, hope everybody has a good day.
@@anthonyn1157 hope you have a good day bud!
They should still be in hibernation
Hi mommy
Bert: “I’m OBSESSED with history”
Also Bert: “Liberia invented slavery “
"Antwerp has the highest concentration of Jewish people". Then we see a google search that just says there are Jewish people in Antwerp, and he acts like that's confirmation.
@@drivehard2395 Antwerp is famously known as the Diamond district though. It has hundreds of jewelry stores and whole neighbourhoods if jews. Not sure if it is the highest concentration of jews though, definitely a big one though.
@@killerluuk I'm going to go out on a limb here and say that Israel has the highest concentration of Jews. 76% of 9 million people according to googol.
Did you mean to write "Liberia"? I mean Liberia is probably not too far off I would think it was Somalia.
If by slavery we mean the transactional kind. Having slaves was around since the begining of mankind ofc.
"Are you going to interrupt all of my stories?" - Bart after 166 previous episodes of not letting Tom finish a single thought 🤣
Since laughter is the best medicine Bert’s gonna live forever 😅his laugh heals a part of me a little I love it. Lol
As a South African, the BRU killed me 😂😂😂
Same
Same hahaha
Shame man, he thinks we all hate him when 99% of the country hasn't even heard of him 😅 the ones that have are here
I love how Turt talks about how he wishes he could cheat on Leeanne in Amsterdam, then tells a story how he had his face ridden in Amsterdam 💀
That's because he's too busy cheating everywhere else
Only thing Burt is cheating on is his diet.
@@eltjeau he talks about both of them the same way how he's not going to cheat and then you always hear stories with him going so this past weekend....
Well, its Leanne's problem i guess if it's true, not ours. The stories are funny and idiotic
Well I mean the story about his face being ridden isn't cheating
I love you guys. I really enjoy when you guys get real. My dad passed a few years ago also from complications from Nam. He was 101st airborne ranger, first boots in Nam. Him and his friend we're the only 2 that made it out alive. He is the best person i ever met in my life. God bless your dad, and thank you for his service. God bless both of you and keep up the good work.
Bert was hammered this episode lmao
I love how Brett asks Tim if he's gonna keep interrupting his story like he doesn't do it every single fucking week
Brent: Tom Cruise could get me into Scientology in a heartbeat.
*brent's phone rings immediately.
Hahahaahahhhaaahahahahaha
I love how Bert basically wants to be mummified and kept in a mausoleum/pyramid like a pharaoh! Since he already wants to throw an ante-mortem funeral, I think he should build his super lit mausoleum now and throw his rager of a funeral at it! Think "pimp my mausoleum" (yeah, I know that dates me) 😂😝
I love how deep their friendship is
sometimes it almost makes me feel
Tom would be ashamed :D
Bert’s laugh sounds like a mosquito flying close to a speaker
I hope when Tom finishes coming everywhere we get back to semi-regularly timed episodes
The booth boys will always be the goats behind the goats😌🙌
Bert the Scorpio obsessed with death. Love him... and Tom the Aries, Mars brothers!
Nothing like being on vacation drinking your morning coffee, smoking a joint and watching the newest two bears episode.
Fuck Yeah! 💯
Don’t forget to brush your teeth after all that
Enjoy your trip 💪🏼
Keep Featherin it brother 🪶
My usual day off is Monday. It's better than being a kid watching Sat. morning cartoons.
The fact that Bert's potential longevity is a regular conversation is a sign that he probably won't be around too long.
Nah, the fact that he is 50 and parties the way he does he won't go for some time actually. His entire life has been built around sustaining longevity while partying. His body I'd adapted to it on another level. He will live as long as Churchill I'm sure.
The problem with this theory though is that if Bert actually got sober his body would decline that and start to fail rapidly, especially when it comes to alcohol. I drank for 16 years, just beer, it took almost 2 full years for alcohol to completely leave my bloodstream. I'm 32 and I'm incredible shape and I almost died several times through the process. I also didn't drink any liquor, only beer, malt beer.
Bert is to far into it to get sober now. Best he will do is do his tiny stints of sobriety and then drink heavily. But honestly he is ALLOWED to be this way since his work ethic and family prove the man can not only function, but thrive in his lifestyle. He's also not like a sponge brain alcoholic, he's a rich Florida guy so he comes off stupid and many might blame the partying but he's literally just Florida if it got money and wasactually funny.
I mean it would honestly be sad... but if I see that headline there's a little part of me that's gonna be like "no shit"
@@snoookie456 I see Tim going first. It's always the people who do the most that always go sooner. I'd be saying the same, at a higher octave lol
@@anthonyzullo Churchill is an anomaly
@@anthonyzullo then Christina murders him for making Tom's funeral all about Bert.
The dad talk really hit home. My dad is my hero, I can’t imagine him not being around anymore
Two bears 1 grave. Shocked that wasn’t mentioned with the “we should share a grave” bit
I love how the guy who's name everybody messes up, doesnt want to be forgotten
When Bert says "Do you know whats funny?" we all collectively lean in and are rarely disappointed.
Fun with Flags! With tom and bert
Bart’s Dutch accent is actually spot on lol
That was cute when Bert said he is trying to be a better listener👍💯Bert is in his prime lately. Totally dig him and Tom ofcourse. 🎉
i love when Bert’s talking and the camera just watches Toms facial expressions absolute gold
7:40 “you gonna interrupt all my stories”
I have never laughed so hard in my life
Bert’s laugh when he starts squeaking lol
I'm South African! We love you Bart!
Bert: your dad was a "big help people guy"
a true modern poet
These episodes are my life saviors for real. Everytime im so excited for monday
keep it high and tight brother
Bart imitating himself is hilarious inception. But honestly the fact he wants to be able to lift up other comics is really cool.
New drinking game: Take a shot every time Bart says vividly
Facial massage story is for sure causing a fight at home for Bert lol
Probably not worse than his drinking or cheating
You think she listens to the podcast? LOL
Probably a fake story, they do it all the time.
@@leonunlimited7552 You think 500 people haven't already clipped that part and sent it to her already?? It's been on yt for almost 3 hrs
@@newsrapper He hasn’t cheated lmao
I feel Bert. I got dragon’s blood and will live forever.
Burt's laugh gets me all the time
101:10 momentary deep sadness and powers on. We don't deserve these gems of podcasts every week for nothing. Love you guys
Tom come on.. we wanna hear the whole story man. Please stop letting him interrupt the good ones brutha ❤ peace and love
Bret: can you imagine the horrible things you can do to me
TommyBuns: ☺️
One of the most rewatchable pods out there
bert is just so smart its unbelievable
I bet Bert’s new year resolution is to have an incredible six pack like he’s already said in the past 7 New Year’s resolution.
How drunk is Bart on this episode? Looks like my town drunk in his face... You should get an alcohol tester/alcometer on the show, so we can track how drunk Bart is when he arrives, and at the start of the pod and then test him, as the show goes on. Would be interesting to see how drunk he actually gets.
Very entertaining idea
I wont believe Bret stays sober for October until he wears the anklet..
I mean we're talking about the guy who doesn't count the 6 doubles before flights because those are 'necessary' for the trip..
..and tequila doesn't count if its a blanco, cause those dont give hangovers of course..
..and he probably counts Xanax bars as 'one xanax'., plus he can just load up on xanax for the month to counter the alcohol withdraws.. not buying it till he wears the anklet!
Pretty drunk and I like your idea. LOL Tom made a brief comment that he was already on his way at the beginning. His "clean-up time" is over...must be going on tour again. Also cracked me that he said "Old like Rogan", who's 55; Bert, 50. He does that same shit to LeeAnn (only 2yrs older) Chronologically 50, with the mind of a 20yr old
They should have him blow to test his BAC at the start and end of every show. It could be like a weekly segment. Although I almost worry it would encourage him to drink more so he's not embarrassed of the number he blows
Like lahey he'll be able to fine tune his liquor levels
Love you Flacco, brothers for life
In 30 or 40 years we’re gonna be visiting 2 Bears 1 Grave. RIP Bertie Boy and Tommy buns
It makes more and more sense with every episode why Burr stopped talking to Bert.
Didn’t know that, does Bill talk about that anywhere?
everyone pretty much stopped talking to Burr, I think you might have it backwards
look into why no one is talking to Burr much these days
More like everyone stopped talking to Burr...who isn't funny anymore.
@@ScorpionP2C why don't you just tell us
@@ScorpionP2C Care to help a brother out? I cant find anything online
Call it two bears 1 grave. Love you guys.
Yall are the best. Happy new year ya absolute nuts, very grateful for everything yall do 🙏
I sincerely think that Bart is allergic to not talking
Lmao Bert’s laugh is the funniest it’s like a angry cat sound
Bert is a great story teller. Awesome episode
bert going for a purge in sierra leone is the best sketch
Without the video version i cant tell if Tom is talking to Bert or Christina
What does that say about his marriage 😉
Bert telling Tom to stop interrupting. Priceless!
You will in about in about 1600 weeks, maybe one of the funniest things I’ve heard on 2 bears, the funniest call back at the least lol
Bruce: "... I'm gonna get emotional."
Tim - Naughty smile and switching glances
The fact that burt don't like to tour with couples because he won't be the center of everyone's attention says everything you need to know about his personality. Tom is a Saint for keeping him around
That's just Berts dumbass way of saying it sucks to be a third wheel.
I love when Bert makes Tom genuinely laygh
44:00 toms laugh here is one of my favourite moments in ymh history. Perfectly describes his humor
If only Bert knew how outclassed he is by all his best friends at standup.
Burnt has been absorbing Tim’s body fat for awhile now, of course he’s gonna live longer.
This truly made me laugh out loud. Thanks👍🏽
Bert nearly killed me…
I took a bite of pizza as he said “I’d be shocked if I died”
I was choking for a good 2 minutes