Should You Ask A Potential Spouse If They've Had A Past | Confidential: Trusting the Laws of Allah
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![[Ep 9] A Guide To Selecting Your Spouse | Fiqh Of Love](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/6GBfxfiqWvU/mqdefault.jpg)
Nonsense. The idea of âexposing your sinsâ is only applicable to exposing them in public to random people which makes it a sin. Zaniyas love to behind this verse and twist it to their own advantage so nobody can bring up their promiscuous past. A man has every right to ask if a woman has a past and she should not get offended by it if she doesnât.
Me personally, i will not marry a girl with a past even if she didnât do anything with a man. Thatâs a red flag for me and I saved myself so I expect my future wife to be a virgin as well.
As a virgin, marrying someone who has had a past (committed zina) takes a lot of mental energy, it drains you when you think about it & you overthink about a lot of things. It's not easy. It goes for both of the genders tho but we gotta leave it on Allah swt cause He's definitely the best judge. If you're not mentally strong to accept their past, you can reject the proposal and put your preferences out. May Allah grant you all righteous spouses
Right sister i had been depression thinking about it. Imagine having to go through life righteously with the pain and ending up with someone who were just having fun. its pains in the chest
May all grant us all righteous and pure spouses. Ameen
@@realrayyankhan I'm in the same position, brother so I totally understand, but indeed Allah swt will grant us peace and reward us for this In shaa Allah
@@mehriiin Allah knows whats in our hearts better then we know it ourselfs.
Allah knows the pain in our hearts and indeed he is the most merciful
May Allah bless us ameen
@@realrayyankhanits very easy to know in this day of information u can easily find out through social media or mutual friends
This video made me never want to marry. I will rather never marry then marry a woman who did zina. I wonât marry. May Allah SWT keep me steadfast on this decision, ameen.
Good for you.
@@kaiser1295 why do you think that way?
@@SamirSiraj8542 I said that your decision is correct. Don't marry someone who did Zina.
@@kaiser1295 ohh okay. Thanks
@samir
In shaa'llah you'll marry a pure woman.... sometimes it scares me as well of all the things I may not know about a potential spouse, but it's still my wish to get married.
Thanks but no thanks. I'm not handing over years of savings and making a lifetime commitment to someone who does it for free. Men have to fast and work hard, the absolute bare minimum a woman should (and is Islamically required to) do is stay away from zina.
If a male can abstain from zina in this age there's no excuse why a female can't.
100% agreed...
That's correct.
Agreed, I am of the age and this thought gives me the chills. All these scholars are saying to hide their sins and repent to Allah but what about the guy she is marrying? who stayed away from girls and never had any past relationships. What is his fault to deserve someone like that?
Agreed
Haqq
I think the solution is simple. Have a list of nonnegotiable and things you will not tolerate. Share them with one another on a paper and if a nonnegotiable is on that list, walk away from the proposal. No oneâs sin is exposed and if all goes well, you enter the marriage with a free mind
This is an excellent tip! I already have 2 failed approaches in marriage, because when I'd get to know the girl (with their parents in the distance watching us) I'd ask them privately if they have a past and they'd tell me honestly. I wouldn't ever reveal it to their parents, but I simply don't accept that.
@@selamben6056 Iâd stay away from a girl who reflects this behaviour. These are clues to a persons true self and I would cut that person from my life immediately. Being single is far greater than being with the wrong person. You want a decent modest woman who fears Allah and loves Allah more than she loves youâŠthose are the qualities you should look for.
@@selamben6056 May Allah forgive us all sister. Don't be pessimistic. Confide in Allah, ask him! Keep asking, because Allah loves when we turn to him. Then leave it and forget about it. I am sorry for my approach, I myself have my own standards and am cautious in who I want to spend my life with, but don't let that assessment make you conclude that it is hopeless. None of us are perfect in the end, if your mistake is in the past and you've repented, then that's it. Don't dwell on it, don't think about it, because shaytan wants you to feel guilty and hopeless. Everything will be okay sister.
@@bassinblue thanks brother.Allah knows I'm in so much pain I still can't believe what happened. Thank you very much for the advice. Ä°nĆallah Allah forgive all mĂŒslims sins and help us. Have good day
Also add the request that the la'nat of Allah be upon the liars in this case.
What's the point of me paying mahr, if someone got her for free?
Dumb scholars
Everybody!!!
Dont listen to those so called "scholars". Listen to your heart if you are feeling hesitation to acknowledge your wifes/husbands past, you better leave them.
It's not just about tauba if the women isn't virgin on the first night the chances of happy marriage go from 80 to 20 percent so sorry but we care
You are right, I have been researching regarding the topic. Majority of scholars says that we shouldn't or we can indirectly ask about this. I'm in so anger, they say sin should conceal and not reveal to anyone but there is nothing about sin, if she repents then she is like a person whose mother just birth her. And tomorrow if a prost!tute repents ank forgiveness she also would be like a person whose mother just birth her but there is no problem to marry this girl for Muslim man .but 99% guy won't want marry her if they know her past. We are human we have fitra. Like - virginity is the gift for marriage, if a man get a virgin and pure women then his half marriage has been completed already ( I think). Even our Prophet(peace be upon him) recommend us to marry a virgin. If a girl had s3x before her marriage than she is not committing Zina but she also cheating on her future husband. Because girl's virginity is only the gift a man look for, Even she is looking worst. We should be careful about these things. Virginity builts character of a person.
@ if they are behaving like this the I'll do whole life Zina and then would repent and ask for forgiveness. I know it's haram but what I do , I'm saving myself from having any kinda s3xual relationship before marriage and I would accept a non-virgin, ?? This is not fair.
If a man is a convicted sex offender but has repented before marriage, should he communicate it to a potential wife?.
if she put the condition to marry a virgin then avoid the marriage with respect, dont mock her & dont reveal your sin...
Well, if he doesn't, she'll eventually hear about it. Why not let her hear it from you first?
@@beatsmithx1090 Why the double standard?
Good exampel đ
â@@beatsmithx1090same with a woman doing zina just tell the truth instead of getting divorced later on when the man learns the truth and feels cheated
I asked a girl if she was in relationship before, if she slept with anyone when she was in high school or college till this date. She got pissed, and later her father got mad at me for asking such a question. Wow I was like, did I over step the knowing each other thing. That match went down the drain.
they will do all the haram things before marriage then suddenly before the day they will use islam to defame others who want to marry a virgin...
As it shoudl.d Even the most strict of scholars say a woman is within her rights to cuss the guy out! how dare you?
@@illmeeillmee9373 I'm sure you are a woman so you don't like the question about past haram relationships.
But from a guys perspective who kept Virgin himself he doesn't want to be ambushed by a bad woman who had sex before, especially in the western world or in even in very liberal cities of Asia some muslim women had past sexual relationships before marriage.
But the question should be tactfully inquired, also take hints from here present about her past. I wouldn't ask such question to a girl from my hometown Hyderabad India. But if I talk to a Muslim girl raised in Chicago USA, I would surely ask that question.
@@illmeeillmee9373 Virgins want to marry other virgins.
@@illmeeillmee9373 I am certain you'll talk differently if it were your son approaching a girl to marry.
May Allah grant the best nd protect us
It is said that look for her deen and character before getting married.
And when her parents can ask about how much do you earn, and wants to see all the assets you have, then why can't we ask about her past (obviously in a more subtle and mannered way).
Anyways, in this digital age finding cues about her conduct isn't that difficult.
If, being a man who is naturally more sexually driven has kept himself chaste from zina, then why can't a woman keep herself away from these acts.
Twenty somethings are so dumb these days that they could even take this as "Oh he's so smart and charming, let's meet him once and I will make astaghfar afterwards, and then cross the limits one day backing this thought that I will make tawba afterwards."
Moreover, I got so fed up on parents of those girls who can't look after their girls for some 10 crucial years (like 15 to 25 years of age), and wants to hand over their girl to well earning boy who is of good character as well for next 50 years. What a loud hypocrisy is this.
Please keep the daughters safe from this outer world full of fitnah. Especially when a Dajjali device (mobile phones) is always in our pockets, which is always there to facilitate that first step from boys and girls. Boys (like classmates, colleagues, neighbours, cousins) send Assalamalaikum and girls on the verge take it as if it is obligatory for them now to answer their salaam and start chit chatting. And then 2, 3 months down the line found themselves digged under the soil of filth, Astaghfirullah.
And to all the modern, open minded, liberals, and so called "deen and duniya balancers". Please give yourself a reality check before sending your daughters out in this world full of vultures and fitnahs.
If it is said in the Quran that mingling with non-mehrams is not allowed, then please do not make arguments over it. Because these are the words of whom, who created our nafs himself. You can not tell that your boy or girl can never get indulge in haram relationships if you are yourself setting them up on a fire.
Stop hiding behind the bushes of ignorance.
Recently gone through a similar case. There is so much inside me right now that I want to rant upon, but holding.
100% agreed bro, most dangerous thing is we have some scholars who are supporting this evil acts indirectly, they teach them to lie but dont mention how bad zina is...
Bro totally rightâŠonly if we could meet up and discuss the shit thats going down these days!!!!!!âŠ.
I experienced what you're saying TWICE! These girls have a past, as do some boys. My Ghayra won't allow me to be with a girl who's shared an intimate relationship with a boy, kissed, held hands etc. If you marry her, she will at times, remember those moments, while STILL WITH YOU. Not happening.
Facts
â@@bassinbluebro im already feeling bad without even acctually expiranceing it,it would take a dayouth or a man with alot of woman to be ok with thatđ
Thereâs a lot of âI thinksâ going on, Islam isnât based on I think.
In the scope of this entire video, there is not a single "I think"
These brothers fail to understand that zina is often a deal breaker for brothers, imagine a brother who's been on deen all his life and wants a pious wife but the woman he ends up marrying used to be for the streets, he don't deserve that and when he inevitably finds out, it's gonna lead to divorce. A more practical way of navigating this issue is, a brother could say, " I have x y z requirements in my future spouse and these are my boundaries and beliefs. If you believe you meet and agree with my requirements and beliefs, and think we are compatible then we can proceed further however if you think we are incompatible, then please let me know. That's a respectable way of navigating around this sensitive issue. Instead of directly mentioning zina, the brothers should be tactful. May Allah bless us all with rightious spouses and long blessed marriages.
Should a person say about their illnesses due to their past though? We know that we all should cover our sins but what if a potential spouse will end up being infected? That's a dilemma to solve
This is nonsense. Why canât a man ask a potential wife if sheâs got a past? Just because she wants to get married now, doesnât mean theyâve overcome those behaviours. Itâs not about her having been with another man. Itâs about the mental implications of that behaviour. Do you want to marry a woman who is a physically attached to a past love? If we are allowed to ask about education and family, how can we not ask about the a major indication of behaviour and character?
Can you image how damaging it to imply that previous zina is okay as long as you repent before a suiter comes and to conceal it.
@@deadpoolstrikesagain3914 Greatest indicator of extra-marital relations, is pre-marital relations.
Personally I think a person should see if he himself was zina free, may be he should talk to the lady couple of times and know her. After couple of meeting he can ask that question subtly (only if he is also zina free). Rest I think we should focus on her preset means, her character in last couple of years.
@@deadpoolstrikesagain3914
unbelievable, you ppl are spreading zina in the society this way, what if I want to marry a virgin girl & I put this condition as a requirement??? I will not ask her that she did this or not only I will ask her to not agree on this marriage if she did this. I have all the right to marry a virgin girl if I want to
@@deadpoolstrikesagain3914 , Every individuals have their own choice & Allah gave them the right to choose & not betrayed...
Allah forgive but we are humans and we have emotions
Every time u see her face it will remind u of her past
Very few brothers commit zina as compared to sisters
Know about her past before marriage so that there is no problem in your relationship
Facts
I agree witht his video. It's despicable how the "Muslim" incels are in the comment string to argue actual Islamic scholars and Allah himself on this! that's how fragile their ego is
Personally I would prefer to know something like that. But I'm searching for a clear answer. Can you prove to me that it's haram to want to know the state of your wife? Please don't be rude or anything. I'm simply looking for answers
Nobody is arguing Allah himself, this is only their interpretation. I have Islamic sources that say a man can put virginity as a condition of marriage.
These same scholars said zina is only second to murder. I guarantee they won't say it's okay for a murderer who repented to hide their past.
@@uz327 exactly what I said
Nah, akhi. Chances are you learnt the word "incel" online.
Truth is a person's dignity matters more than a relationship. At the end of the day, there are 2 billion Muslims out there, and dua changes qadr. Surely Allah will provide better.
Incel is a person referred to as virgins or people who canât have sexual partners. These men are muslims and unmarried so why would they want to have sex? So this means you had sex before marriage and your trying to justify your filthy behaviour and calling others names đ what a hoe
A context like the US has many complex issues. I would advise people to do pre-marital health checks. Besides, someone might have major and minor issues related to a sin they have repented from eg, there is a long list of issues connected to sex.
Yes I agree to you all sheikh .
Well said....is not polite for a guy to ask such guestion from a lady.....
Yes, it's not appropriate
good for characterless women...
@@noorkhadim844 ,So its a win foe the fornicator right? its the persons right to marry a virgin & no one has the right to deceive him...
@@salahuddin4685 You Are unbelievably judgy seriouslyâŠ.. Work on your Character before You marry anybody.
Not polite? But is it haram to ask? And prove it please sister
so pretty much what can be summed up from this, if a promiscuous woman wanted to get married the men has no rights to ask about her past. so pretty much men should not have standards.
I found this girl and ask her about it and she said she done it, im in denial. I thought about leaving her, but im afraid she will do or fall to the samething again if i left her. But she said she already regret what she did and didn't want to repeat it again. She also said she has repent many times to Allah SWT . Thats relief me. But my heart tell me to left her.
Don't marry her bro she will do the same thing again
@@safayatahmed5887 we already break up
Dont marry her, she is doing drama , there is no such as repentance of such kind of crimes.
Go for a virgin young girl, not for a mia khalifa just because she repented
My question is if a man stays entire life without any haram relationship and he wants spouse without any haram relationship in the past. Why can't he know the if person he is approaching has any haram relationship or not. If he marries someone without investigation and after marriage he finds that his spouse had haram relationship and she still has boyfriends. Then what's about his feelings when he got this even after staying single and without any haram relationship. Now he can't accept her and if he wants to divorce her then he has to give her half of his property or ammount decided by court else he has to bear it. Please give me your suggestions.
Just ask her before marriage about her past (descretly ofcource) and then decide.
So true
but even though she had repented
how could I marry a woman with haram experience anyway ?!!
You hafe to be mentaly strong for that, there are a lot of men who did Zina before mariage, the question is what kind of husband of wife do you think you deserve when you are going to marie some one
But it nothing bro
Allah loves people who repent so Love her and marry her
She is clean now the past is gone ....kindly marry her.
What does that matter lol?
@@leemabeauty2656
unbelievable, you ppl are spreading zina in the society this way, what if I want to marry a virgin girl & I put this condition as a requirement??? I will not ask her that she did this or not only I will ask her to not agree on this marriage if she did this. I have all the right to marry a virgin girl if I want to
â@@Fozykenovirginity matters
3:48 đđđ let me do that bro
Personally, I would tell my entire past and hope that my spouse would as well. If I have or haven't done something I think participating in forgiveness shows good Deen and if my partner did not have that aspect of Deen I wouldn't want to marry them either. Things will come to light anyway and if you love your spouse why hide anything from them?
because youâre supposed to hide your sins
Many people make mistakes ..they always regret later. Never ask about the past..its over. Future is all u have..make that count. Do u think we men don't have a past?? If ur very open about urs does not make it necessarily an obligation on her.
ŰłÙŰ§Ù ŰčÙÙÙÙ ..
First thought is..
If its being said in wedding ceremony that the bride is a virgin and if she is not..
Thats a lie and how can the contract be valued?
Wa Alaikum Salam. First off, "virginity" should never be a selling point. "Unmarried", yes. But we must never look for proposals based on if the individual is a virgin or not. It is such a base and distasteful aspect stemming off from culture. We as Muslims must hold ourselves to higher standards, morals, and principles. The Prophet (sal) himself married only 2 virgins and the rest of the 9 were all non-virgins (widowed or divorced). So such things must never be said in the first place. As long as you know if the girl is righteous and has good conduct currently, that should be good enough.
@@shyramunas yes..
But my point is that it should be another wording than virgin..
So no lies..
Our Messenger* Saw was married to 1 virgin..
Our Mother *Ra *Aysha..
Right or not the reality is that culture corrupt..
Now maybe this subject need to be Adressed..
Yet we should respect different reality of people choices..
This obsession in Culture is changing..
Of some men choose other qualities which comes first..
Obviously thats Islam..
@@shyramunas I agree with you..
That was not my point..
@@aminahbergliotrolsdorph7557 you mean like chit chat at the wedding? I personally don't know an occasion when virginity came up at any nikah or wedding. If some ppl were slandering her at the wedding and causing a rift between the couple or their families would be horrible. Men also have a past and that is never an issue with these ppl it's all about virginity of the girl not the bridegroom. Chastity during and after marriage is what matters most. And backbiting and slander are major sins.
@@Diamondraw4Real no I mean in the Kat Kitab where its written and said A virgin..
If she is not that's a lie and the wedding contract is not appropriate
A persona past is non of your business. Your business is at the point where you and the person became committed moving forward....
I've been married to my wife for almost 7 years and I've never asked her about her past boyfriends. Why? Because I don't care about the time we weren't together. That's her business not mine.
Bro keep your nonsense to yourself, If a person put the condition of virginity before marriage then no one in this planet has the right to deceive him or her. but if you committed zina then why should you ask her? I will put this condition before marriage & Allah gave me that right...
@@salahuddin4685 You are really going out of your way to comment on each video concerning this topic. Can you let other people with different views just live peacefully? Not everyone has to do what you think is right. Do what you want but stop making other people feel bad and judge them like that. Try to be more empathetic.
â@@gurl4507ironic. You also did same things he did
â@@salahuddin4685yeah. Great idea. Thanks for that. I would do the same. After watching these video, I decided not marry ever cause It's better not to marry then marry a woman who did zina. But putting virginity in contract is a great idea. I will do it. Thanks for helping me
I get that that is your mindset. But is there a hadith or aya that prohibits wanting to know? I'm not trying to argue please. Just asking
This placates to zanis and reverts
There are reverts with cleaner pasts the Muslimas raised in Muslim families. I taught in a Muslim school. Your assumptions are absolutely ignorant.
@@vc62752 Zanis include ppl who were born Muslims too, that's why I said, "Zanis and reverts". And let us keep it all the way 100. If you become a Muslim as an adult, especially as a woman, given the allure of men having to provide for you and the notion of "concealing your sins", you more than likely have a past and are able to get the things you want in a spouse that are now made possible in Islam w/o having any consequences for your previous actions.
Islam lets full-blown sex workers convert and then enables them to lie in order for them to maintain their marriageability and have their lives paid for.
Additionally, it emboldens women to commit zina, bc there is no consequences for their actions, they can just lie to a prospective spouse.
There is a reason why the majority of reverts are women, that isn't a coincidence.
Every scholar is like this, stay away from these scholars. ALLAH doesn't say what these scholars say. Chaste men/women have the right to ask for chastity of women/men respectively for healthy and trustful marriage. Stay away from the scholars who twist the Qur'an and preach false.