Toxic In-Laws
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- čas přidán 10. 09. 2024
- In this episode Uruje and Hina discuss the elephant in the room when it comes to marriage. da. da da....IN-LAWS! They talk about some issues they have heard of and how they would handle toxic in law situations.
Listen to the full episode on Spotify: podcasters.spo...
Emotional incest is so common with boy moms but even more so in desi culture because husbands are not emotionally available to their wives. Such a pity, I hope our generation can do better!
Hoping the new gen is better as well
The "going to an event with your MIL" hit hard!!!
My MIL made me dress up head to toe in a silk saree and heavy jewelry for her 'dur ke rishtedaar's' wedding justifying that I was newly married! (3 months in)
I kid you not, I looked more done up than the bride. I was hiding at the back of the venue the entire time, while my MIL chatted away with her relatives...
Edit:
I actually went through an 18 month long bout of depression because of my toxic MIL. Thank god my husband had to move to another city for work, and I could tag along and heal myself away from her.
We're so sorry you dealt with that. That sounds so difficult, but glad you were able to heal from it.
the only thing i disagree or thought about was when you mentioned all girls come from loving homes, many who dont do not recognize toxic behaviours after they move out either
This is very true❤️
As an American/Mexican that married an India man it’s been interesting. Luckily some stuff is very similar in our family. But during my postpartum my parents in-laws came to visit. I stayed with my mom for the first month and I asked my husband he had to stay with me but I think my mother in law was a bit upset about it. I understood her perspective because father in-laws is sick and they didn’t know the language. He would check up on them and called them everyday. My moms house was an hour away. But I really need my husband by my side.
Once we came back to our home, a few day pass and my mother in law said to me why is your stomach so big. Mind you I had a c section I was really hurt. But didn’t say anything my mental health at the moment wasn’t the best -and I didn’t want to be disrespectful. Later days we had to keep our house at 80 degrees mind you Im 1 month pp and really hot all the time so I wore my husband’s shorts and walked to the kitchen for water, my father in-laws asked me why I was wearing shorts. And he also said I have stop wearing them because I’m a mom now.
And I truly didn’t know this but handing objects with my left by accident my mother in-laws slapped my hand.
At the time I didn’t said anything I just stood in shock, when they left talk to my husband about it.
I’m really nervous now because we are going to India for the first time. Now I’m scared of how everything will be. 😬
That sounds horrible! We hope your trip goes well and things get better.
Actually was thinking about this whole scenario of newlyweds and how they settle post marriage. As the next generation could we not introduce pre visits to the family home that getting married into spend days to actually see how that house functions? Like how we say to our friends or close family friends coming over for morning tea, lunch, in the afternoon or evening?
And actually ask questions about how they shop for groceries, what everyone eats, waking up times, sleeping, relaxing etc. these small details actually become big issues which we all take for granted.
I’m new here found you on Instagram. I am facing very toxic in laws and my own desi side of family who is very toxic. I am loving your podcast. Makes me feel like I actually have someone to talk to
We’re so sorry you’re dealing with that! Thank you so much for watching and supprting! sending you all the love❤️
I had so much fun listening to this. It was such an interesting conversation and I was laughing so hard with you guys. I love the energy that you guys give. And I like how long your podcasts are getting progressively. And honestly, every thing you said I had something to say about it too. All those topics are so real and relatable.
We’re so glad you enjoyed it! Thanks for tuning in and for the support❤️❤️
I am a therapist and I can confirm all of this is true
Thanks for sharing that❤️
i love listening to u guys. It's very interesting and satisfying for some reason to listen to you guys discuss all these issues and the reasons why they exist. I would love to hear your opinion on how to have conversations with toxic in laws or 'mamas boi' (your husband) before or after marriage, because I feel like especially in Pakistani culture mother in laws or sometimes other adults find it hard to have difficult conversations and admit they're wrong.
Thank you for watching, and for sharing your thoughts! That is a great question, we’ll try to address it for you❤️
Hina has SUCH a good way with words. She is always leaving these little bursts of wisdom and it’s so sweet!
Thank you🙏
Love this episode. I'm nodding the whole time haha. I thought Aruje was wearing a Pakistani heavy shawl but realised it's a hoodie! 😅
So glad you loved it! Thanks for watching and supporting❤️
Absolutely loved the entire episode. As someone who got married less than 8 months ago, it is excruciating to be nitpicked by the in laws ALL THE TIME. My husband is an only child so we talked about the fact that his parents will be with him and that no one will be moving out, but if I was given the choice I would love a separate place/space for me and him. I hope we break the norms and let our kids have their own space after they get married.
The amount of toxicity that comes with living with your in laws is immeasurable (for the most part, not always).
I’ve observed this, and I could be wrong, but desi families living in the western world have more of this problem compared to back home. My theory is that it’s because our parent’s generation tries too hard not to be influenced by the western culture. It could be because of religious reasons or it could be something else. The good thing is that most of us have started to recognize this and we want a better, happier and a more peaceful world. ❤
Thanks for sharing! And congrats on the upcoming wedding! ❤️
So relatable, as a person who is getting married in a month, I think I found you guys at the right time❤
Happy to help and goodluck with wedding planning!❤️
Appreciated 👍 N huge round of applause for an amazing pod cast on realistic topicss...Keep it up girls..
Thank you for the kind words and for the support❤️
I know there are a lot of toxic in laws and it’s hard for many girls but I do wanna say that I find it more of a Toxic Husband thing instead of toxic in laws because He is the one who should be able to keep all relationships in their right places/brackets.
I have incredible in laws, at the same time my husband is an incredible son (talks to his mom everyday and I love that) and he is an amazing husband as well. I think men should be able to keep these two relationships separate. Like no COMPETITION, wife has her own importance and place in his life and mom has her own separate standing in his life. He should be able to manage that.
We love that for you! Some husbands definitely need to step up!
I was just talking to this guy from a rishta setup who straight up told me he wouldn’t pick his wife over his mom 💀💀 because I said I would just want a couple of years to live by ourselves to get to know each other before moving in with his mom and brothers lol
😩 We’re all about respecting your parents because of the sacrifices they make but definitely stand by what is important to you. You’re picking a life partner for life. You should be a priority not an afterthought❤️
For the story in the beginning, I will say that you can never ever please Pakistani in laws. Thats a fact. I have cut off people on my side of family so did not support my marriage
My mum in law interfere in our personal life still when I have got my own daughter in law
That is not ok
I'm going to disagree with something for a second but I totally understand this was my personal experience and not everyone's is like that. I definitely think that couples should be able to move out initially in order to properly build a foundation for their relationship without others interference, however; I do think briefly living with in laws for sometime before moving out does have some benefits.
I had gotten to know my husband a good bit before marrying so maybe this is why. But when I got married I had to move out of my country and we stayed with his mother, brother and sis in law, and their daughter for about 6 months before we got our own apartment. Having our own place was DEVASTATING for me. I hated it. My husband was always out at work and I was home alone in a new country with no friends no family and nothing to do. Having those six months with my in laws was a blessing for the first stage of my marriage because it meant I wasn't cripplingly lonely after leaving my loving and noisy family (and cats). I don't know if I would've lasted if we had been left alone from the start.
This of course only worked because me and my husband had already gotten to know each other enough to get along, and because my in laws are wonderful and respectful people. I adore them and they are so loving. I wish everyone else could be so lucky.
Thank you so much for sharing your perspective. It can definitely be so lonely leaving your home and moving to a completely different country.
It’s ingrained in the brown culture. My ex used to go in hot tubs with his mother. The mother wanted him badly and she was toxic to me
I'm not sure I agree about not standing up for yourself. I don't believe in letting oneself be disrespected. I think give the spouse one or two chances to deal with the issue with their parents. If it continues, then you have to push back and tell them it's not acceptable. Not doing so can become a gateway to abuse or an invitation to continue the disrespect.
Thanks so much for sharing your insight❤️
good stuff Ayesha and Fatima
Their names are Urooj and Hina
plez do a video on how to find a husband and how you found urs. thanks
Thank you for the idea!
im 21 from the UK and ive had my heart broken and i rlly cant deal with it again so i would love ur advice thanks!!@@OKMomPodcast
How should I ask politely if the girl has PCOS before sending the Rishta?
That's something very personal. You can ask if she has any medical conditions, but ultimately it is upto her how much she chooses to share
Thank you for wording it better
That is so crazy specific. What makes you think she has PCOS? Is it rumors?