@@daviddemars thank you i dodged a bullet . I'm okay and doing well inly because I learnt a lot from previous nutters . But I can't help to keep listening as I was raised in an environment with narcistics mother and I dont say this lightly. I got professional help. I cut her off many years ago I had no choice now I live a peaceful life .
One of the creepiest things I've ever witnessed was when my ex was temporarily really nice and sweet to me during the devalue/discard phase.. I knew it was completely fake - and that was my "who is this person?!" moment..
Oh yeah, experienced the mini love bomb too - on Valentine's day, I didn't enjoy it, because it seemed unreal. Then full mask slip and discard a couple of weeks later.
It was a trip as you put it. It's mind boggling looking back. I was fortunate enough to act on the mask slip as soon as it happened. It was all over after 10 months. But even after quite a bit of recovery time and processing it all it's still a huge struggle to accept the amazing person I met initially became this soulless, selfish brat. The initial slip was after 3 months, then it yo-yo'd for another 7 until a full on slip with gas lighting etc which is when I called our all her behaviour. She actually initiated the end of things as she was offended at me questioning her lack of core values haha. Ridiculous bunch of people. Then there was silent treatment and bread crumbing but I kept on calling it all out as is happened, so there was no salvaging anything.
My ex's famous line "Hey, I'm being nice, I did such and such for you" (especially used as an argument). He would also constantly put up a front to everyone about how much of a "gentleman" he was, loved playing the victim and gaining sympathy, claimed that "girls are staring at him" when we were out in public, brought up his high school relationship/crushes/bullies a lot as if they are still relevant, went back on his word very often and seemed to view me as some developmentally stunted defect who he was "nice" enough to help and put up with. Sooo glad I didn't marry this man.
Oh wow, I experienced the ex CN talking about high school bullies and relationships too and he was in his 50's! Why does someone want to talk about their past sexual conquests to his current gf??! Massive red flag!
Lack of transparency and communication is what I struggled with most. Along with silent treatments. He would portray himself as a quiet shy vulnerable person and watched me suffer through mixed messages and lack of clarity which in turn made me the “crazy one”. Full no contact now and feeling better and better every day. Thanks David, love your videos! 😊
I saw his mask drop a few times and it was so creepy. Evil sneering. Crazy smirks. Actually that’s the last conversation we had, I mentioned he was acting creepy and he blocked me 😂 he knows it’s true!! I’ve now cut off all communication so if he comes around again, he cannot get hold of me but I wouldn’t put it past him to show up at my door one day. Manipulative, dangerous, evil, creepy people. Once you see through the mask you cannot unsee it.
@@daviddemars yes totally. And we have compassion for them because we can see how they are scared and vulnerable. It’s so sad! But then they switch and are cold and callous. Very confusing. NC is the only way. Thanks again from NZ ✨🌸
Hi David… yet again you are spot on target… no one explains it like you. These ‘people’ have one purpose in life… to exploit you… they use, abuse, demean you and then they throw you in the trash after they’ve got every single ounce of life out of you. Like you said, the wedding night was the end of Mr Nice Guy and but I spent 25 more years trying to ‘refind’ that ‘nice’ guy. He was gone forever. 🧿Cyprus
I do have somethings to share but I just can't right now. It might put me in an unhappy place right now. But you are right on point. (As usual♥️) But yes if you see these persons masks slip?? Be prepared. Do not doubt what you are seeing.
Man you were right on target. I got one next door. She runs the same MO with new people that move in on the street. She's all nicey... And uses the church as also as one of her mask. Rme's.... I've watched her roll through not only myself but eight families on the street. Dudes across the street from her are onto her also. They know the what what about her. So does my next door neighbor on the other side of me. When a new neighbor moves In... she definitely wants something. One chick I know she manipulated the girl to get some limestone rocks another was cut deck board free. When she got them through her manipulation of crap... a complete discard happened. A friend of mine told me how she was smearing me and I really could care less. It was projection and I knew it. Her smear campaign about me was I was unchristian. That was her exact words. I don't care because she is the one not of Father God but of her own Master Satan. She doesn't mess with me after I've called the heat on her multiple times. Plus I've got video in reserve. Nor will she step out on the street anymore by herself because I will take care of business with her. However we all know they're cowards so she's not going to do anything. As for her husband.. he's the sweetest guy in the world. He doesn't know that he's being snowed by this witch. She's a complainer also that she's sick all the time and whining and crying. Another frequent flyer with a purse full of pills. I sit back and watch her house thats built on sand get washed away from underneath her because she sabotages relationships.
The "punishment" when you try to get them to be accountable, get clarity about where you stand, or try to stand up for yourself can come days or weeks later. It took me a while to put the pieces together, it confuses you. They hold on to resentments for "daring" to question them. They are such angry, hateful people.
Rory from Ohio! Hi David!!For me this was a big glimpse into what it’s like! I’m sure there were signs before we were married, but looking back what hurt the most was our wedding night. I felt left out the whole time, if that makes sense? It could of been anyone in that bed, but it wasn’t me he was making love to! Maybe he was making love with himself! Sorry if this is to raw! It’s much worse than this. Vacations were hard! But I got to where for the longest time I wouldn’t use a purse. I’d keep enough money and keys in one pocket of my jeans and credit cards and phone numbers in the other. I was not ever afraid to ask for help, even like that to this day. This vacation to France, which must come to an end this Sunday, has been the most free I’ve felt in such a long time! Not having someone with me that was so disrespectful, disagreeable, argumentative, passive aggressive, it’s amazing! My daughter has been so tender with me! She knew I was hurting! And my son in law is the kind of man Who takes care of her and he has been so attentive to me! Today we were in Marseille, incredible, and than Cassis and everything about it was beyond beautiful and exciting, and I cried, even though I enjoyed being with my daughter and son-in-law, I was yearning to share it with even just a friend, I need that, it’s an ache in my heart!
Rory, from another victim of a covert narcissist as well. Hugs 🤗 I was discarded, along with our 10 year old daughter 4 months ago. But, since I have been feeling like my old self again/Xmas, he's been hoovering-silent treatment since Thanksgiving.
Thank you David, wonderful content. I wish they taught this in school. So many red flags and I had no idea because I was raised by a narcissistic mother. 😲 What a schooling I've received, blessings to you 🙏 in Virginia
👌🎯 Very informative and accurate😀 Thank you ! Indeed They are sneaky.... And tend to "punish" That's why i nicknamed him : "the Punisher" 😅😁 Ps:love your sense of humor😄👌
And they are very devious when dishing out these punishments. Sometimes I would be punished with cold silences immediately for doing something that showed I have a have a personality, (which isn’t allowed), but a lot of the time he would wait for maybe one or two weeks before he dished out his punishments. They do this so that you can’t figure out why you’re being punished and keep to keep you confused, but I kept a diary and soon figured out he was punishing me for something that had happened exactly two weeks prior. I used this to be ready for his punishments and challenge him on them. I left after only 8 months as I could see what he was doing to me was systematic abuse and knew that I wouldn’t be able to live with myself if I’d stayed in the relationship. From the Uk.
@@1966wilky It's a good thing you kept this diary and you were abble to see and be aware and to not Stay... Sadly for me, i didn't see it coming... He came on the very first day talking about God, was humble and soft... And that all i ever wanted... So i fell for it ! 2years We were talking on the Phone, Everything was fine, Al though i noticed he didn't like to be contradicted... But he was so sweet... With WORDS... Once We got married and living 24/24 under the same roof That's WHEN i Saw... The other side... 😔 Anger, rage, punishing, invasive... It's been 2 years now... He took my money, my energy, my health... And refuse to leave the appartment i am renting ! I take care of Everything... It's like he is in an hotel... I told him it's over, the end, and Almighty God is gonna get you out of here and of my life☝️ I am praying hard for this, he took Just Material things from me, i still have My Faith ! 🙌😌☺️ As for my health, i already feel better Thank God, i don't talk to him anymore, told him Just go get yourself Another "victim", i don't care !!! 😄 Greetings from Belgium☺️
Yeah, I want to say it was about 2 months after the wedding that the suicide threats, and the threats to leave, and everything really started in earnest. It was like a starting gun had been fired, and she was ready to run her game.
Hi David. Great content as always. The example of vacationing with a narc and the inability to escape their abusive language and behavior reminds me of a similar situation. We had an hours drive ahead of us - idk what I did or didn't say to spark this but without warning I was trapped in a car with a raging, abusive, monster. Asked her to pull over so I could get out...it was that intense and frightening. She refused, told me to suck it up and the verbal attacks went on. Didn't respond but when the car slowed at a turn I jumped out by a train station and she drove on. The sheer relief was indescribable. Never saw anger like that..was never a target of it either. Sorry this is so long, David. Hope you're having a great Sunday in Vegas...🏜...looking forward to Monday's words of wisdom!!
TREE LOVER-USA. HI DAVID. THIS WAS ANOTHER EYE-OPENING VIDEO. I LOVE TO READ THE DIFFERENT COMMENTS FROM PEOPLE ABOUT THEIR EXPERIENCE WITH COVERT NARCISSISTS.
@@daviddemars Thank you for your videos and letting us share here! You give so much insight here, it really helps me to see what I actually went through and that it is real!
Hi David! Thank you very much for making this video! Ex narcissist mask slipped 4 months after dating but sadly I chose not to see it, I was codependent. I attached super quick and started to live with him sooner after our first daughter was born. After 12 years of abuse, I finally found courage to stand up for me and my awareness started to build up. Currently 16 months no contact. Very happy I have found help. 💮
Its defense mechanisms because they believe they cannot function and do things for themselves. People who pity themselves believe they cannot do whatever the task at hand is.
The vacation aspect is an interesting one to pursue. I decided to leave my wife in the middle of my son's Make-a-Wish trip to Alaska, and it seemed like everything bad about her that was latent rose to the surface and went viral.
Married since 98 The mask gradually fell off over the last 3yrs He totally went STRANGER on me I am still scared He abandoned me & my daughter in January Lied on the way out Never came back
After 3 years on/off push/ pull ,back and forth, we had a blazing row...She used this to finslly disgard me painting me as the abuser etc...2 weeks i chased her bksming myself etc then the lighbulb came on .I feel so stupid now chasing her ..I was trauma bonded...We got engaged 5 weeks ago !? She said she just wants to be on her own 😂
People talk about what they value. I knew a narcissist that absolutely could not tlak about anything else besides money and talk bad about people. She really had a lot to offer lol
@@daviddemars yes, I knew of a neighbor who would walk with you as you tried to leave and constantly begin new stories to keep you there listening to her, she would laugh the loudest at her own jokes. She had to write something at a funeral and she wrote a joke that she wanted the pastor to read to everyone, I mean come on, her best friend just died and all she can think of is attention of people at the funeral. I have a feeling that most psychologists don’t understand how “toxic” people can get.
They will have “injuries” for the things they don’t want to do and to harvest sympathy yet they will go do the things they want or enjoy to do and suddenly the injury temporarily has vanished.
My ex claimed I was a narcissist after the final discard. Looking back, I recognize that my traumatic response to their constant manipulation was indeed foul. I still can’t figure out how this all happened. I’ve never behaved or felt this way in my life, even in my previous decade-long marriage. I began researching within five months of that relationship which was two years ago. I have now been no contact for over a year and am still mentally bankrupt. I own my part it all that happened, but I can’t wrap my head around the insanity we went through. Despite others seeing it clearly, I can’t seem to move beyond it. Maybe I am worse than I originally thought. My therapist won’t diagnose me, so I am at a loss. Sorry for the rant. Thank you for the videos, David.
A hint could be to stop trying to reason logic from the narcs hand made chaos.use your analytical skills for your own growth into the best version of the wiser new improved you.
This is happening to my parents... The mask is fully slipping. They're just too old to play the game, so they've both gotten fully nasty for different reasons. My mom has become the ultimate victim, supposedly dying any day now for the last six years. My father has become a sex addict (88 years old and a sex addict) who now spends his time buying sex. I don't come around anymore because, frankly, they're both toxic as hell, and they never helped me. I was always the problem, me... So I just stopped coming around to share in their misery. But it's very interesting to see what's happening now that they've lost a lot of their mental faculties to conduct a life of lies, which really takes a lot of energy and plotting, actually. When you start having dementia, you're left with just the mental illness. The masks crack, and underneath, it's just a dysfunctional child.
Okay roll with me for a second. Hear where I'm coming from. Well honestly it isn't me it's my best friend I've had for years. Soooo my buddy is starting to want to leave his relationship. His girlfriend had been abused a LOT in childhood but I've been around her enough to know that j think she really means well. She really does I believe. So does he. However he came to me saying shes not having enough sex with him and we've known each other for half our lives so he's comfortable telling. Aaaaand he said that for him his the physical intimacy side that he really needs and she isn't giving it bexause she doesn't like sex. Yet according to him they did it every day for the first week. They did it a week after meeting each other too. Yet now she isn't. Says she has some form of medical condition where she bleeds down there a lot but he doesn't care about it at all and she didn't either in the first two months or so but now she doesn't want to do it and he wants to find someone else. Is he a narcissist for this?
Hi, thank you for asking. There is never one behavior or trait or decision that defines anyone to be a narcissist. Its okay to end a relationship because of sex. It must be very important to him. We are all different with different wants and needs. He may be narcissistic but that alone does not say much. NPD is a very distinct disorder with a very distinct criteria.
Good to say " They want things from you" but its doasn't means they want money or material things. Often they are more wealthy side of relationship (marriage) . It's more about " supply" or building up their fragile ego.
I will never forget the day the mask dropped, shattered to the floor, he didn't care about me and he made that clear. His new supply silently in the wings. He didn't know my plan or that I fully knew about his other situation he lied to me about. I left my lasting mark, no doubt. He left his as well. Only, now I prosper, while he lives on repeat, destroying every relationship with the person that loves them by destroying them methodically from within. Just disgusting savages!
To all the people that got duped....stay here.These people are the worse asholes .Work yourself out then you will know when you've got a covert on your case...they are so deceptive and sly....watch out for patterns....thanks David ...
Narc told me he had a stroke and couldnt remember things! It was a lie! Was a full blown evil narc. I tried to get him to live in the light of Jesus Christ but it wasnt worth my effort! I left, should have been sooner but at least im free from evil! Love to all here♥️♥️♥️🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏
Yup, my financially well off ex took me on a cruise and SA’d me the whole time as well as verbally degraded me for hours into the morning one night. I kept a smile on because his parents and sister and daughter also went on the cruise and were staying in different rooms. i was in paradise but I was in hell.
Mrs North Carolina comes to mind. And reminds me of my ex of 8 years. Always felt like an inanimate object with her. She'd always talk about me in this sort of like 3rd person sort of way if that makes any sense.
I was with my covert for eight years and then we married. The mask came off on the honeymoon. After three months she secretly had a date with a guy, then discarded me days later. He is now her rebound. She posts Bible quotes every day. It’s taken me a long time to figure out she is a covert.
Gosh, how is the right person going to look? So many people are like this, none of us are perfect... I think we all have bits of some of this... but my ex, was lying to get me in trouble, locking me in.... but I kept believing it could get better, it didn't, it got worse... too close, now l.o.a. has convinced me the better man will be here...... lies again
Thank you for the work that you do! I am also passionate about this work as well. I have recently discovered my father is a covert narcissist, there are four of us children. I am wondering if you have knowledge around or could do a video (if you haven't already) about the different roles the narcissist puts onto their children? E.g. The Scapegoat, The Golden Child, etc. Blessings 🙏
Hi Jennifer, thank you. I have made videos about narcissistic family dynamics and I will always do more. I suggest asking me detailed questions in my weekly question and answer videos.
Can you do a video about Chris Watts? Some people said it took 8 years for his mask to slip but I wonder if his wife Shannan Watts missed the signs & his mask slipper sooner.
Here is a kind of mask I haven’t seen addressed so far. There can be the mask of loving animals, and one’s own pets. But I have heard a narcissist admit that people like himself display sadistic treatment of animals in secret. Animals can be a source of narcissistic supply, just like people. And maybe better in someways, because they can’t tell anybody what happened. Please don’t leave your pets alone with anyone you even suspect is a narcissist.
I have a question that I really need awnsered. Please. I know this sounds insane but three years after a awful decade of abuse I started talking to him again. Just as" friends" I never got fully over it. He built me up and made me feel so special sometimes and I spent so much time trying to be that for them again. When they left it was an extremely devistating way that almost took my life . So very silly like when he msged me again I was excited, like "omg maybe I was special and not complete trash to them" and soon I figured out it was same ahit and it was easy for me to stop communicating this time. But recently he came into town and I saw him. And I didnt have issues with him really but when he left all of the sudden I had feeling of udder pain again Just like the first time. The second time I saw him just today apon driving away for no reason at all I felt pure dispair and feeling of worthlessness . I don't want to be with this person. I know better. But for some reason it's dispair the same way it was when he left me before when we were together for a decade. Painful stuff. Is it normal to feel this way for no reason just because of simple parting ways? Why do I feel this way?
Day we got married for me, but I also saw the repetitive red flags 🚩 that I allowed him to explain away. I can’t wait until the ink is dry‼️ just barf 🤮
Hi,you are soooo 1000% correct.The hypoçhriac gèrmophobe who expected his wife to do everything.Cant stand in 3 drops of rain.His other side is a risķtaking adrenaĺin junkie who races in my car on the wrong side of the road.Somebody else has to fix up clean up and pay because even though he's dressed in designer jeans,is 'poor'.
I was whit him for 8 years.... sometime in last january...i was on the treadmill in the living room I turned my head and I saw in a second like a 1000 piece puzzle being in my head.. I just had a unch... 3 month's later I told it was over... and the insult, manipulation, gasligtging and lie's began.. he was covert alrigth !!! 🤣
The shocks never end.14 years deprìved of sex,blamed myself.After the divorce,a new reĺationship starts.The new guy says whaaaat,nothing wrong with you,just lack of experience.
The cruelty is unbelievable
I'm sorry Roberta, I hope you are making a full recovery.
@@daviddemars thank you i dodged a bullet . I'm okay and doing well inly because I learnt a lot from previous nutters . But I can't help to keep listening as I was raised in an environment with narcistics mother and I dont say this lightly. I got professional help. I cut her off many years ago I had no choice now I live a peaceful life .
@@bertagco9154 horrendous shite they put us through...never again hey.
One of the creepiest things I've ever witnessed was when my ex was temporarily really nice and sweet to me during the devalue/discard phase.. I knew it was completely fake - and that was my "who is this person?!" moment..
So unstable and fake.
Oh yeah, experienced the mini love bomb too - on Valentine's day, I didn't enjoy it, because it seemed unreal. Then full mask slip and discard a couple of weeks later.
🐂💩 has it's own sound.
The most alone I've ever felt, was living with my covert narc ex-husband of 12 years.
Agreed…
Same. My GF doesn't care unless Its convenient
It was a trip as you put it. It's mind boggling looking back. I was fortunate enough to act on the mask slip as soon as it happened. It was all over after 10 months. But even after quite a bit of recovery time and processing it all it's still a huge struggle to accept the amazing person I met initially became this soulless, selfish brat. The initial slip was after 3 months, then it yo-yo'd for another 7 until a full on slip with gas lighting etc which is when I called our all her behaviour. She actually initiated the end of things as she was offended at me questioning her lack of core values haha. Ridiculous bunch of people. Then there was silent treatment and bread crumbing but I kept on calling it all out as is happened, so there was no salvaging anything.
One of your key words… no communication here, you’re dealing with someone with arrested development
Thats right.
My ex's famous line "Hey, I'm being nice, I did such and such for you" (especially used as an argument). He would also constantly put up a front to everyone about how much of a "gentleman" he was, loved playing the victim and gaining sympathy, claimed that "girls are staring at him" when we were out in public, brought up his high school relationship/crushes/bullies a lot as if they are still relevant, went back on his word very often and seemed to view me as some developmentally stunted defect who he was "nice" enough to help and put up with. Sooo glad I didn't marry this man.
What a perfect example of a covert narcissist. Good decision, you dodged more than a bullet.
Oh wow, I experienced the ex CN talking about high school bullies and relationships too and he was in his 50's! Why does someone want to talk about their past sexual conquests to his current gf??! Massive red flag!
So the mask slip during the 3 month lock down .. thought I was in a twilight zone episode 😵💫
Covert narcissists are the most insidious of all.
Just barf… 🤮
Lack of transparency and communication is what I struggled with most. Along with silent treatments. He would portray himself as a quiet shy vulnerable person and watched me suffer through mixed messages and lack of clarity which in turn made me the “crazy one”. Full no contact now and feeling better and better every day. Thanks David, love your videos! 😊
I saw his mask drop a few times and it was so creepy. Evil sneering. Crazy smirks. Actually that’s the last conversation we had, I mentioned he was acting creepy and he blocked me 😂 he knows it’s true!! I’ve now cut off all communication so if he comes around again, he cannot get hold of me but I wouldn’t put it past him to show up at my door one day. Manipulative, dangerous, evil, creepy people. Once you see through the mask you cannot unsee it.
So good you are in a better place now. He is very insecure and carries shame with a very unstable sense of who he is.
@@daviddemars yes totally. And we have compassion for them because we can see how they are scared and vulnerable. It’s so sad! But then they switch and are cold and callous. Very confusing. NC is the only way. Thanks again from NZ ✨🌸
@@Emma-ew7bd Yes it can be, people like that tend to vascilate between grandiosity and insecurity. Its all defense mechanisms, learned helplessness.
@@Emma-ew7bd And they must save themselves too.
Hi David… yet again you are spot on target… no one explains it like you. These ‘people’ have one purpose in life… to exploit you… they use, abuse, demean you and then they throw you in the trash after they’ve got every single ounce of life out of you. Like you said, the wedding night was the end of Mr Nice Guy and but I spent 25 more years trying to ‘refind’ that ‘nice’ guy. He was gone forever. 🧿Cyprus
That is so sad, I am very sorry. Nothing lost because we learn so much. We learn to accept people for who they are instead of hoping they will change.
27 years!!!! But, I ignored red flags from the start.
I'm so sorry, I hope you have learned so much and feel better and have beautiful people in your life now.
Ditto. 27 years but what a lesson 🙏
18yrs with an actress.....then 14yrs of WTF! .....32yrs!! ......
I do have somethings to share but I just can't right now. It might put me in an unhappy place right now. But you are right on point. (As usual♥️)
But yes if you see these persons masks slip?? Be prepared. Do not doubt what you are seeing.
And especially when they tell you they are a bad person, believe them.
Man you were right on target. I got one next door. She runs the same MO with new people that move in on the street. She's all nicey... And uses the church as also as one of her mask. Rme's.... I've watched her roll through not only myself but eight families on the street. Dudes across the street from her are onto her also. They know the what what about her. So does my next door neighbor on the other side of me. When a new neighbor moves In... she definitely wants something. One chick I know she manipulated the girl to get some limestone rocks another was cut deck board free. When she got them through her manipulation of crap... a complete discard happened. A friend of mine told me how she was smearing me and I really could care less. It was projection and I knew it. Her smear campaign about me was I was unchristian. That was her exact words. I don't care because she is the one not of Father God but of her own Master Satan. She doesn't mess with me after I've called the heat on her multiple times. Plus I've got video in reserve. Nor will she step out on the street anymore by herself because I will take care of business with her. However we all know they're cowards so she's not going to do anything. As for her husband.. he's the sweetest guy in the world. He doesn't know that he's being snowed by this witch. She's a complainer also that she's sick all the time and whining and crying. Another frequent flyer with a purse full of pills. I sit back and watch her house thats built on sand get washed away from underneath her because she sabotages relationships.
Hi Beth, good analogy at the end. We will always see these people and we identify them and keep them away as much as we can.
The "punishment" when you try to get them to be accountable, get clarity about where you stand, or try to stand up for yourself can come days or weeks later. It took me a while to put the pieces together, it confuses you. They hold on to resentments for "daring" to question them. They are such angry, hateful people.
Half sister accuses people of doing what she does. Ick. Great video.
Thank you very much Lisa.
Rory from Ohio! Hi David!!For me this was a big glimpse into what it’s like! I’m sure there were signs before we were married, but looking back what hurt the most was our wedding night. I felt left out the whole time, if that makes sense? It could of been anyone in that bed, but it wasn’t me he was making love to! Maybe he was making love with himself! Sorry if this is to raw! It’s much worse than this. Vacations were hard! But I got to where for the longest time I wouldn’t use a purse. I’d keep enough money and keys in one pocket of my jeans and credit cards and phone numbers in the other. I was not ever afraid to ask for help, even like that to this day. This vacation to France, which must come to an end this Sunday, has been the most free I’ve felt in such a long time! Not having someone with me that was so disrespectful, disagreeable, argumentative, passive aggressive, it’s amazing! My daughter has been so tender with me! She knew I was hurting! And my son in law is the kind of man Who takes care of her and he has been so attentive to me! Today we were in Marseille, incredible, and than Cassis and everything about it was beyond beautiful and exciting, and I cried, even though I enjoyed being with my daughter and son-in-law, I was yearning to share it with even just a friend, I need that, it’s an ache in my heart!
So good Rory, I am happy for you. Tears of joy and fulfillment, I hope. Keep enjoying yourself.
@@daviddemars Not just tears of joy and fulfillment
@@rorywright5692 I'm sorry Rory.
@@daviddemars Thank you David
Rory, from another victim of a covert narcissist as well. Hugs 🤗 I was discarded, along with our 10 year old daughter 4 months ago. But, since I have been feeling like my old self again/Xmas, he's been hoovering-silent treatment since Thanksgiving.
Thank you David, wonderful content. I wish they taught this in school. So many red flags and I had no idea because I was raised by a narcissistic mother. 😲 What a schooling I've received, blessings to you 🙏 in Virginia
Thank you Connie, there are schools that are beginning to teach this now, its great.
Excellent video!!! Thank you 🙏🏽
👌🎯
Very informative and accurate😀
Thank you !
Indeed They are sneaky.... And tend to "punish" That's why i nicknamed him :
"the Punisher" 😅😁
Ps:love your sense of humor😄👌
Thank you very much!
And they are very devious when dishing out these punishments. Sometimes I would be punished with cold silences immediately for doing something that showed I have a have a personality, (which isn’t allowed), but a lot of the time he would wait for maybe one or two weeks before he dished out his punishments. They do this so that you can’t figure out why you’re being punished and keep to keep you confused, but I kept a diary and soon figured out he was punishing me for something that had happened exactly two weeks prior. I used this to be ready for his punishments and challenge him on them.
I left after only 8 months as I could see what he was doing to me was systematic abuse and knew that I wouldn’t be able to live with myself if I’d stayed in the relationship.
From the Uk.
@@daviddemars you are welcome☺️
@@1966wilky
It's a good thing you kept this diary and you were abble to see and be aware and to not Stay...
Sadly for me, i didn't see it coming...
He came on the very first day talking about God, was humble and soft... And that all i ever wanted... So i fell for it !
2years We were talking on the Phone, Everything was fine, Al though i noticed he didn't like to be contradicted... But he was so sweet... With WORDS...
Once We got married and living 24/24 under the same roof That's WHEN i Saw... The other side... 😔
Anger, rage, punishing, invasive...
It's been 2 years now... He took my money, my energy, my health... And refuse to leave the appartment i am renting ! I take care of Everything... It's like he is in an hotel...
I told him it's over, the end, and Almighty God is gonna get you out of here and of my life☝️
I am praying hard for this, he took Just Material things from me, i still have My Faith ! 🙌😌☺️
As for my health, i already feel better Thank God, i don't talk to him anymore, told him Just go get yourself Another "victim", i don't care !!! 😄
Greetings from Belgium☺️
Yeah, I want to say it was about 2 months after the wedding that the suicide threats, and the threats to leave, and everything really started in earnest. It was like a starting gun had been fired, and she was ready to run her game.
Thats how long she rejected herself until she couldn't hold back anymore.
Happy Friday! Lin from USA 🇺🇸
Enjoy your weekend!
Hi David. Great content as always. The example of vacationing with a narc and the inability to escape
their abusive language and behavior reminds me of a similar situation. We had an hours drive ahead of us - idk what I did or didn't say to spark this but without warning I was trapped in a car with a raging, abusive, monster. Asked her to pull over so I could get out...it was that intense and frightening. She refused, told me to suck it up and the verbal attacks went on. Didn't respond but when the car slowed at a turn I jumped out by a train station and she drove on. The sheer relief was indescribable. Never saw anger like that..was never a target of it either. Sorry this is so long, David. Hope you're having a great Sunday in Vegas...🏜...looking forward to Monday's words of wisdom!!
Thanks David .
Thank you Michelle!
Great info: so pertinent, thanks - better off alone
TREE LOVER-USA. HI DAVID. THIS WAS ANOTHER EYE-OPENING VIDEO. I LOVE TO READ THE DIFFERENT COMMENTS FROM PEOPLE ABOUT THEIR EXPERIENCE WITH COVERT NARCISSISTS.
Hi! Thank you for your comments too. They're great, I love that pepper share their experiences too, I think they offer a lot of validation.
@@daviddemars Thank you for your videos and letting us share here! You give so much insight here, it really helps me to see what I actually went through and that it is real!
@@rorywright5692 So good, thank you Rory.
Hi David! Thank you very much for making this video! Ex narcissist mask slipped 4 months after dating but sadly I chose not to see it, I was codependent. I attached super quick and started to live with him sooner after our first daughter was born. After 12 years of abuse, I finally found courage to stand up for me and my awareness started to build up. Currently 16 months no contact. Very happy I have found help. 💮
Slower and slower now. Thus experience has taught you so much about yourself.
Why do they fake injury and illnesses? I suspected it and even stopped myself from giggling from the over acting.
Its defense mechanisms because they believe they cannot function and do things for themselves. People who pity themselves believe they cannot do whatever the task at hand is.
@@daviddemars so they are waiting for a supply source that will save them ?
Attention
You are a 🤓 smart lady
The vacation aspect is an interesting one to pursue. I decided to leave my wife in the middle of my son's Make-a-Wish trip to Alaska, and it seemed like everything bad about her that was latent rose to the surface and went viral.
So predictable. Its the test, thanks Doc!
It's quite unbelievable tbh...Thry are completly a different person.
28 years before i saw it
Me too❤
Same day of marriage at 8pm by 11pm another person.
Married since 98
The mask gradually fell off over the last 3yrs
He totally went STRANGER on me
I am still scared
He abandoned me & my daughter in January
Lied on the way out
Never came back
Run
After 3 years on/off push/ pull ,back and forth, we had a blazing row...She used this to finslly disgard me painting me as the abuser etc...2 weeks i chased her bksming myself etc then the lighbulb came on .I feel so stupid now chasing her ..I was trauma bonded...We got engaged 5 weeks ago !? She said she just wants to be on her own 😂
Very good video David👍
Hi Willa, thank you. How have you been?
@@daviddemars I'm actually doing well. i make sure to watch all your videos. Your videos have really helped me.
@@Willa4420 Thats good to hear and nice of you to tell me. Thank you very much Willa.
I know of my friends parents who only care about money, they constantly talk about what they own and the new things they bought.
People talk about what they value. I knew a narcissist that absolutely could not tlak about anything else besides money and talk bad about people. She really had a lot to offer lol
@@daviddemars yes, I knew of a neighbor who would walk with you as you tried to leave and constantly begin new stories to keep you there listening to her, she would laugh the loudest at her own jokes. She had to write something at a funeral and she wrote a joke that she wanted the pastor to read to everyone, I mean come on, her best friend just died and all she can think of is attention of people at the funeral. I have a feeling that most psychologists don’t understand how “toxic” people can get.
@@daviddemars Yes indeed, wonder why she made friends with those people in the first place.
They will have “injuries” for the things they don’t want to do and to harvest sympathy yet they will go do the things they want or enjoy to do and suddenly the injury temporarily has vanished.
They cant run from the horrible people they know they are.
My ex claimed I was a narcissist after the final discard. Looking back, I recognize that my traumatic response to their constant manipulation was indeed foul. I still can’t figure out how this all happened. I’ve never behaved or felt this way in my life, even in my previous decade-long marriage.
I began researching within five months of that relationship which was two years ago. I have now been no contact for over a year and am still mentally bankrupt.
I own my part it all that happened, but I can’t wrap my head around the insanity we went through. Despite others seeing it clearly, I can’t seem to move beyond it. Maybe I am worse than I originally thought. My therapist won’t diagnose me, so I am at a loss.
Sorry for the rant. Thank you for the videos, David.
Covert !
A hint could be to stop trying to reason logic from the narcs hand made chaos.use your analytical skills for your own growth into the best version of the wiser new improved you.
This is happening to my parents... The mask is fully slipping. They're just too old to play the game, so they've both gotten fully nasty for different reasons. My mom has become the ultimate victim, supposedly dying any day now for the last six years. My father has become a sex addict (88 years old and a sex addict) who now spends his time buying sex.
I don't come around anymore because, frankly, they're both toxic as hell, and they never helped me. I was always the problem, me... So I just stopped coming around to share in their misery.
But it's very interesting to see what's happening now that they've lost a lot of their mental faculties to conduct a life of lies, which really takes a lot of energy and plotting, actually. When you start having dementia, you're left with just the mental illness. The masks crack, and underneath, it's just a dysfunctional child.
Okay roll with me for a second. Hear where I'm coming from. Well honestly it isn't me it's my best friend I've had for years. Soooo my buddy is starting to want to leave his relationship. His girlfriend had been abused a LOT in childhood but I've been around her enough to know that j think she really means well. She really does I believe. So does he. However he came to me saying shes not having enough sex with him and we've known each other for half our lives so he's comfortable telling. Aaaaand he said that for him his the physical intimacy side that he really needs and she isn't giving it bexause she doesn't like sex. Yet according to him they did it every day for the first week. They did it a week after meeting each other too. Yet now she isn't. Says she has some form of medical condition where she bleeds down there a lot but he doesn't care about it at all and she didn't either in the first two months or so but now she doesn't want to do it and he wants to find someone else. Is he a narcissist for this?
Hi, thank you for asking. There is never one behavior or trait or decision that defines anyone to be a narcissist. Its okay to end a relationship because of sex. It must be very important to him. We are all different with different wants and needs. He may be narcissistic but that alone does not say much. NPD is a very distinct disorder with a very distinct criteria.
Excellent description thank you ..
Have you watched the show “Succession?” Oh my goodness. I spend all my time analyzing each character. What a screwed up mess!😝👍🏼👍🏼
Hi Christina, no I have not but maybe I will check it out, thank you.
Good to say " They want things from you" but its doasn't means they want money or material things. Often they are more wealthy side of relationship (marriage) . It's more about " supply" or building up their fragile ego.
I will never forget the day the mask dropped, shattered to the floor, he didn't care about me and he made that clear. His new supply silently in the wings. He didn't know my plan or that I fully knew about his other situation he lied to me about. I left my lasting mark, no doubt. He left his as well. Only, now I prosper, while he lives on repeat, destroying every relationship with the person that loves them by destroying them methodically from within. Just disgusting savages!
So 👍 true all of it
They next day after we got married he said ok I don't have to be nice anymore and trust me he wasn't
The day after we got home from the honeymoon. Discovered that all he wanted to do was drink beer, watch TV and sleep.
Thank you for your video👍
Hi David
Can you please also do a video on OCD, religious OCD, obsessions, compulsions and how and why it develops?
I can try to do that.
@@daviddemars hi David, thank you, what is the time there by you?
My ex always complained o all types of illness.
Psychosomatic, victim playing.
Bingo
My ex-wife ghosted me only after 2 years of marriage
To all the people that got duped....stay here.These people are the worse asholes .Work yourself out then you will know when you've got a covert on your case...they are so deceptive and sly....watch out for patterns....thanks David ...
Narc told me he had a stroke and couldnt remember things! It was a lie! Was a full blown evil narc. I tried to get him to live in the light of Jesus Christ but it wasnt worth my effort! I left, should have been sooner but at least im free from evil! Love to all here♥️♥️♥️🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏
Yup, my financially well off ex took me on a cruise and SA’d me the whole time as well as verbally degraded me for hours into the morning one night. I kept a smile on because his parents and sister and daughter also went on the cruise and were staying in different rooms. i was in paradise but I was in hell.
Mrs North Carolina comes to mind. And reminds me of my ex of 8 years. Always felt like an inanimate object with her. She'd always talk about me in this sort of like 3rd person sort of way if that makes any sense.
I was with my covert for eight years and then we married. The mask came off on the honeymoon. After three months she secretly had a date with a guy, then discarded me days later. He is now her rebound. She posts Bible quotes every day. It’s taken me a long time to figure out she is a covert.
Gosh, how is the right person going to look? So many people are like this, none of us are perfect... I think we all have bits of some of this... but my ex, was lying to get me in trouble, locking me in.... but I kept believing it could get better, it didn't, it got worse... too close, now l.o.a. has convinced me the better man will be here...... lies again
My husband went stright fascist on the end NO LIE!
Thank you for the work that you do! I am also passionate about this work as well. I have recently discovered my father is a covert narcissist, there are four of us children. I am wondering if you have knowledge around or could do a video (if you haven't already) about the different roles the narcissist puts onto their children? E.g. The Scapegoat, The Golden Child, etc.
Blessings 🙏
Hi Jennifer, thank you. I have made videos about narcissistic family dynamics and I will always do more. I suggest asking me detailed questions in my weekly question and answer videos.
@@daviddemars Thank-you so much!!
Shit, I also tend to do these things.
Lol change what you wnat to change, awareness is first.
Can you do a video about Chris Watts? Some people said it took 8 years for his mask to slip but I wonder if his wife Shannan Watts missed the signs & his mask slipper sooner.
Yes and Gabby Petito and Brian Laundrie!!
Here is a kind of mask I haven’t seen addressed so far. There can be the mask of loving animals, and one’s own pets.
But I have heard a narcissist admit that people like himself display sadistic treatment of animals in secret.
Animals can be a source of narcissistic supply, just like people. And maybe better in someways, because they can’t tell anybody what happened.
Please don’t leave your pets alone with anyone you even suspect is a narcissist.
I have a question that I really need awnsered. Please.
I know this sounds insane but three years after a awful decade of abuse I started talking to him again. Just as" friends" I never got fully over it. He built me up and made me feel so special sometimes and I spent so much time trying to be that for them again. When they left it was an extremely devistating way that almost took my life . So very silly like when he msged me again I was excited, like "omg maybe I was special and not complete trash to them" and soon I figured out it was same ahit and it was easy for me to stop communicating this time. But recently he came into town and I saw him. And I didnt have issues with him really but when he left all of the sudden I had feeling of udder pain again
Just like the first time. The second time I saw him just today apon driving away for no reason at all I felt pure dispair and feeling of worthlessness . I don't want to be with this person. I know better. But for some reason it's dispair the same way it was when he left me before when we were together for a decade. Painful stuff. Is it normal to feel this way for no reason just because of simple parting ways? Why do I feel this way?
Day we got married for me, but I also saw the repetitive red flags 🚩 that I allowed him to explain away. I can’t wait until the ink is dry‼️ just barf 🤮
Hi,you are soooo 1000% correct.The hypoçhriac gèrmophobe who expected his wife to do everything.Cant stand in 3 drops of rain.His other side is a risķtaking adrenaĺin junkie who races in my car on the wrong side of the road.Somebody else has to fix up clean up and pay because even though he's dressed in designer jeans,is 'poor'.
I was whit him for 8 years.... sometime in last january...i was on the treadmill in the living room I turned my head and I saw in a second like a 1000 piece puzzle being in my head.. I just had a unch... 3 month's later I told it was over... and the insult, manipulation, gasligtging and lie's began.. he was covert alrigth !!! 🤣
Here is a pound
Hi David
What time do you usually check for replies? Or is it not a set time each day?
hey dude, where the heck have you been?
My husband almost killed me without laying a finger on me
Yep me too I had a heart attack and just after I left shingles and extreme exhaustion. ♥️♥️♥️♥️🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏
The shocks never end.14 years deprìved of sex,blamed myself.After the divorce,a new reĺationship starts.The new guy says whaaaat,nothing wrong with you,just lack of experience.