EP70: Friendships & Social Life in Germany vs. USA
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- čas přidán 2. 06. 2024
- Living abroad can be one of the most amazing experiences, but it’s not always sunshine and rainbows. While the topic normally takes a back seat to amazing travel experiences with amazing food and landscapes, friends and social circles can make or break your experience while living away from your home culture. In this week’s episode, Josh and Feli discuss their opinions on the importance of building a strong circle of friends while abroad, their tips on how to do so, and share some differences in how people socialize in Germany and the U.S. Make sure to share your thoughts and experiences on this topic in the comments. We love hearing from you and you might just help someone else!
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By far, the best comparison of German/American social expectations and practices that I've ever seen on CZcams: brutally honest, nuanced and sympathetic. Felt like you both were saying what you've wanted to say for some time. Not just the best of YT but the best of UTS. So, that's REALLY saying something!!!
I moved from italy to germany in 2006 and i had good people waiting for me and it was a breeze. I also live in Munich and i love it. Being Italian i found that Germans did expect me to be chatty and friendly and also were like that with me. Like if they were switching to holiday mode anytime they are around Italians😂
It was nice to hang out with you again, Josh & Feli. Where are we going now? Grab some drinks? Maybe go to the park, the sun is shining today. 😊
My post office took an additional day off at eastern so I dragged my packages 3 days with me. Next time I drop them of at the neighbours of the post office.
in spanish, and it is the culture i was raised in, it's called sobremesa which is that lingering time.
It is interesting if you go by train to Gardasee from Germany in November. Then you have the grey, cold, cloudy weather before the tunnel through the alps and on the other side it is sunny, green and mild and if you look up you sometimes you can see how the clouds from the north are hold back by the mountain peaks.
Thank's for the nice video! I love your videos and the northern Italy, there are many German tourists, but they also do speek German there, because the Northern Part (Trentino) of the Gardersee is in South Tyrol, so in this Part of Italy German is the first language of over 60 % of the population.
I think the recommendations you make are good, but really apply to any new situation, not necessarily moving to a new country. The new country just adds another dimension to it. Another great episode!
Very true! -Feli
Thanks guys, I struggled with connecting with people outside of work environment. I lived in the Rheinland Pfläts auf dem Spangdahlem Flugplatz and I found that the Germans that I met were pretty open to having a conversation especially the local teenagers in the village outside the base and I was once even invited to a bonfire by total strangers in the Village of Spangdahlem. One of the reasons I love Germany aside from my ancestry link is my positive social experiences living in the Rheinland. I loved the episode guys because it was fun and practical advice.
I live near there. I’m British and have lived here 25 years. I think the problem is Germans like friendships for life and you would be leaving after a few years.
@@scarba17:29 Isn't everyone after friendship for a lifetime? I definitively am.
Next week me and my friends want to book flight tickets with El Al Airline from Berlin to Israel next March. They're really cheap right now, under 300 EUR per person. Amazing!
Thanks!
Thanks for this video!! I'm going to Germany next year and was wondering about this
Have fun here 🍻
This is a topic you guys should explore further.
I never had a problem making friends or even to joke around with a cashier at the supermarket in Munich. Every once in awhile I run into a rude person. Living in Nürnberg I only had other non Nürnberg friends. In Pennsylvania its very hard. I know lots of people but no real friends. Always interesting to listen to other experiences.
Ist es inzwischen besser was Freundschaften angeht? Iwie konnte ich Deinen Kommentar so nachvollziehen....
@@Winona493 Ich wollte eigentlich nur sagen dass es in Deutschland auch nicht schlechter ist als in anderen Laendern. Es kommt immer auf die Umstaende an was fuer Erfahrungen man macht und wie schwer oder leicht es ist Freundschaften zu schliessen. Sachen wie Beruf, Alter, Ort etc koennen da eine grosse Rolle spielen.
First of all, great episode and very interesting topic!
I'm from Augsburg, Germany and I think it's a shame, that you have had the experience that it is difficult to introduce people to each other. When I go out, I am always very open to people and often have super funny conversations and you get to know each other a little better. Even when different groups of friends meet, it has always been the case that people were very interested in each other and got along well. So I can't really empathize with the fact that it seems to be a German or European phenomenon that people in a room keep quiet and don't want to have anything to do with each other. I move more in alternative scenes, such as metal concerts or festivals, maybe that just runs a little differently :)
Also I got into my current circle of friends through a short relationship with a guy whose friends liked me so much, that they sort of just adopted me, even after the relationship ended. They have been my best friends for several years. So it is also possible to be integrated into existing friend groups. (I know you're just talking about your experiences and that you know there are exceptions, I just thought I'd share a positive one)
Looking forward to the next episode! :)
I live near Cologne and yes people here are friendly (and they sometimes me small talk) but it's not like in the UK or the US. I did make close friends eventually with one couple, and then I "inherited" a whole friend group, which is nice 😊.
However, I have tried introducing a friend to my lovely friends and they completely ignored them, which I found weird.
Yes, in Germany you mostly "inherit" friends. I do not like this very much, for I feel alone, even as a German in Germany. 😢
WHY is that????😭
I don't know... maybe it's because until 1870 you were a patchwork of various often competing Kingdoms and Duchies? So people never knew if strangers were potential friends or enemies. It passed down through collective memory and became a behaviour. On the other hand, in the US people from similar cultures (Europe) went into an unknown and hostile environment (America) and they had to survive so they had to be friendly. I'm not a sociologist perhaps this is the reason for the difference.
Johnny Bench is my HERO
I wanted to go to Madeira last year. Two minutes before the train to the airport left another train at the same platform left. You do the math. Then I went to Sicily where I arrived at an empty house in the evening. The host had forgotten me, because his mother died.
I think the different cultures will work differently in different phases of life. I am pregnant right now and a lot of my friends are in different phases of life and I am pretty certain, that this will not stop us from being friends. So that persistency of "we have been friends for a long time, we will stay friends even if circumstances change" is something I enjoy now. And from what I have heard from others, children also make it easier to meet other mothers, so I don't expect there to be a lot of difficulty finding new friends either.
Also with a child I assume that planning things in advance will be more important as I can't be that spontaneous, someone has to watch the baby. So I think the German (or in my case Austrian) culture might work in my favor now.
Liebe Feli, "Germans" do not all live in Bavaria😉 so for a lot of us the sneak out weekend vacation 1-2 car hours away isn't necessarily Lago di Garda. In Western Germany there is the "Mittelgebirge" (Eifel, Westerwald, Sauerland) or the Dutch seaside and the Northern trail to the North or Baltic Sea.❤
Didn't I say Southern Germany? I thought I did :) If not, it was implied haha but if you ever go to Lago di Garda you'll notice how many Germans have vacation homes there.
As an American college student who's currently taking advantage of all of the student groups (like a cappella), not being forced to meet people is probably what I'm most nervous about when moving to Germany in the fall lol. Thanks for the episode!
You'll find student groups in Germany as well. A lot of students are away from home, from their families and friends and young people are usually more open, so in this environment it would be easier to find people to connect to.
Are you in Germany now? What are your experiences?
@@Winona493 I'm moving on August 11! So 2ish more weeks
@@RecklawTheAmazing Oh! I wish you all the best!!! Where do you move to in Germany?
@@Winona493 heading to Munich for a Master's at LMU, so I'm getting there just in time for Oktoberfest lol
How does the extrovert vs. introvert dynamic work in Germany? Or is the culture itself essentially introverted, where the U.S. is extroverted? My dad's side is of Ohio River valley German descent and we definitely are on-time, keep to plans, are on the introverted side.
Likely Swabian, but the history of the U.S. book from 1860 (in German) that lists our relatives who immigrated shows Darmstadt. I need to do a genealogy research trip and hope some records exist.
😀👍
Three most important things travelling: Ear plugs, light protection mask and a seat pillow.
12:46 You gotta wonder how flights can be so cheap.
Ohhh - die Geschäfte sind an Feiertagen zu und man muss den Einkauf planen - bad shit, es ist zum Heulen!!!
There is one tip that hasn't been mentioned: Getting a German (etc.) boy/girl friend also means getting access to their social circle …
yes, but its hard to do that without mutual friends. I mean Im a German native, and unless someone is lower class, I personally feel like making friends or dating is all about mutual friends. If you can get one mutual friend who is socially connected, then you can get access to that persons social circle, but being a stranger, the same people wont be open to meeting you cause people just dont do that here, which is why attempting to make friends with strangers is perceived as weird or socially awkward unless someone is extremely extraverted or something. I have lived in various places, and having one mutual friend literally makes the difference between social abundance and being completely alone.
Thanks for the great podcast guys.
- Please, can you discuss the unique German behaviour/reaction, mostly from mothers, that I have observed in my many visits to Germany.
Recently , I spent time in Dresden in 2022 and often heard the conversation at traffic lights, where someone crosses against the lights (roter Mann). Parents (especially mothers) would really attack the person yelling "Schlechtes Vorbild" etc., claiming that their children will be damaged because of that action.
It's fascinating to see the care some mothers show for complete strangers (children) when out in public. They are never shy and will often give 'feedback' on their behaviour or bad language. - It takes a village to raise a child.
Bitte mal „tschüssikovski“ übersetzen 🤣🤣🤣
There are some (legal) tricks to still get the10 Euro flights, but you have to find that your yourself.
I grew up in East Germany, Spreewald, State of Brandenburg and have lived in North Germany since 1989. In my experience, it is much easier to make friends in State of Brandenburg because they are naturally much more open than here in North Germany, the people here are very reserved . They're, but reserved. (I don't want to generalize). Getting to know each other here in the north mostly takes place through acquaintance, family, private parties, school, kindergarten and common interests as well as clubs but also events, oh yes, also Armateur funk. In Brandenburg, people are very curious when they meet strangers, mostly in small towns and villages, because almost everyone knows everyone. I'm still very close friends with my childhood girl friend, despite the distance. And here in the north I met a couple at an event, we quickly realized that we have many common interests and the same attitude to life, so a wonderful friendship grew over the years, we have a lot of fun and in 2024 we will celebrate our 10th - years of friendship. Of course it takes a while for people to open up here, but once you've gained their trust, you're in the right place. I simply recommend patience.
It is really dangerous, when you enter a group, when the group has formed. What do I mean? In my childhood my family moved and I switched school in the middle of the school-year. I always was the outsider. The others even didn't want to connect with me. Well, I was the typical "New one".
I never had many friends, but most of the time these friends weren't real friends.
Once, I had rather freshly lost contact to my last "friends", I went to a fan-forum, but my intention wasn't to find friends. There I talked with a subgroup of people with a shared interest within the shared interest. Then somebody had the idea, to meet in person. This would be in the city I lived in at that time, and I agreed. At the meeting we were four people (me included). With two of these people I am still friend and with one of them really tight. I mean, we live in opposite parts of Germany, but we talk very often (in parts daily) via Skype for hours and we meet once a year. This meeting often is with all three of us.
But we aren't on this fan-forum anymore. We still share certain interests, but the focus has shifted.
In America, this is completely different. The "new kid" would be a person every other kid would want to get to know. He or she would be an object of fascination. There is a great 70's song that sums this up called "New Kid In Town" by the group Eagles.
@@kenhenderson1762
In Germany the "new kid" would rather be a potential target for bullying. At least in my childhood.
You also have to consider that there is a massive gender difference when it come to socializing with strangers. Women typically have an extremely easy time, cause men generally make an effort to talk them or include them for subconscious sexual possibilities, and women also have a much greater need for company than men, and women also generally are not perceived as potentially threatening. unlike women, men actually have to be proactive to get any interaction at all. Friends only come natural to men who are extremely extraverted and proactive by nature. If thats not you, and you can not get peoples attention with interesting speech or extreme extraversion and proactivity, you are going to be alone, cause nobody is going to bother talking to you, because people only engage with you if they get something out of it, which is a passive attribute for almost all women, but for barely any guy.
Are you guys like...kinda dirty? 😂😂😂😂😂😂