I am married. My first date with my husband was lovely and we chatted all afternoon , as though we had known each other for years. He texted me ten minutes after the date ended to ask for another date. We got married four years later
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hej jeg kommer fra vest jylland, jeg er let anderledes end mange andre i mit område og det har gjort så flere piger vil ha mig og at de ik vil af med mig.
Elise Buch A question about Danish Girls are they direct I mean if they dont like something about you they tell you in the fsce clearly ? And how loyal are in a relationship? What they really want so they can say lets get married or lets say how to have a very strong and longtime relationship ?(but very longtime relationship)
This is SO helpful! I just met a Danish girl, the way she laughs and act is so quirky and cute. Taking it slow and friendly, I really hope to deepen our relationship in the future 😊.
I don't like the four days rule, or any rule about waiting to contact. If you like someone, you should be able to talk to them whenever you want. But in America, some people do the waiting thing, which I don't like.
I don't think a lot of people in Denmark follow that rule anymore. I think it's an old "rule" or "guideline" from back when there weren't the same options to stay in touch as there is today. Back then you'd probably have had to call, so maybe then it made more sense.
It's good if you are able waiting for your loved person. Sometimes we misunderstand the precious skill of waiting for someone important. For me it's not about rules.
The four days rule is pick up artist bullshit, meant to make the woman feel insecure and like she has something to prove on the next date, take it as what it is a red flag. You want to see your date again, try to arrange the next date at the end of your first date, don't pressure but drop a hint. "I am going to *insert random event* next *insert day* i would love to see you again." something like that so the other party allready knows you are interested, before you leave. Danes can be a little akward leave a clear opening to speeds things along.
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This is weird, now i've been dating for over 15 years, and i'm danish, and this makes absolutly no sens. And you kinda confuse a date and tinder hook ups. it's very different, all my friends and myself included invites a girl out for dinner, not coffee or a walk. and even younger people the most "normal" thing is a movie and some kind of food, resturant or cafe. There is no rules about sex and number of dates, u took that from hollywood movies or something. And your 4 day rule is also from some kind of movie, there is no such thing.. and if your friends are like this, tell them to grow up. And tbh overall all this rules stuff is weird and dont exist, people do what they want, and many date "rules" are just made up behavior based upon people being shy or insecure or whatever. Some have sex on first date, some wait weeks, some wait days, some write a text right after the date and talk all night because excited, some wait a day or two because they dont know what the other person think and is insecure, its all different from person to person, but to say there is rules, makes no sens what so ever.
Hi, i'm from Finland. That sounds very strange to me...i would at least send her a text message the very next day and say that i had a great time or whatever haha..or just call quickly so she see a missed call on her phone,just to show her that she is on my mind. Yeah the sex thing i don't know about..i would do that when the time is right and we feel comfort around each other!
Here in the States, I've heard of a two-day rule for contacting someone after a date, so one doesn't appear desperate. But I don't know how many actually follow that.
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Here in Russia if you see a couple of two shy smiling persons walking down the streets with red or pink rose, you can be sure it is their first date. Boys usually gift one rose to a girl for the first date and a bouquet of 5-101 roses for next few dates. After 2 or 3 years of your relationship they forget about the roses and switch the "hey, where's ma food?!" mode on :'( that sad.. Anyway, thank you for this video, Elise, it was interesting :))))
I agree with you completely, Elise. People should always follow their hearts and never a stupid random rule made by who knows? There are so many aspects involved in emotions and in love in particular. It can happen instantaneously or it can happen slowly, it all depends. Depends on the moment of each person, depends on the situation, depends on how's your life and so on. Regardless all of this, we must be responsible for ourselves, physical and emotional, choosing well a partner, using condoms, being responsible and true for all involved. You said well: there's no rush! All the good things in life come naturally. Much love from Brazil, dear Elise.
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yeah--if I wait 4 days to contact you, it's because I'm asking if you remember if I left my jacket at the restaurant we ate at. contact the next day with a "hey how are you?" and "can we talk later this week?" makes WAY more sense
I'm from Chile and I've just met a Danish guy. We met on a social app and had our first date 4 days later (I personally think face to face is the only way I can really know someone well). That's why I came to watch this video, hahah. Well, he's shy upon the eyes of my culture, but very down to the earth, honest and cute. In our Latin culture many people like to impress and compliment since the first moment, although younger generations seem to be more simple, as I prefer, so that's why I wanna meet him again, hahah. We didn't kiss, maybe because I didn't want to be seen as rushed or anxious. In my culture there are no rules for when kissing or having sex, I think it varies a lot from person to person depending on personal values/ideas, but I guess many people -I don't- tend to think that sex too soon (before the 3rd date) means probably an only sexual interest. Here many boys tend to invite in the first date, but I know progressive girls who have invited the first time too. Let's see how this story goes on!
I agree the 4 day rule is shit, I would think they weren't interested either? I actually contacted my husband about an hour after our 1st date to thank him for a lovely afternoon and we talked every day since and clearly got married! If you like them and enjoyed yourself let them know!
My last girlfriend of 10 years told me on our second date - "If you don't kiss me this time, you'll never see me again." She's Brazilian. I'm happy with her all these years, but if I hadn't made love to her on the second date, the last 10 years of happiness would not have happened.
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A hook-up is quite normal in the U.S. as it is in Iceland, Norway and some other countries. We're more interested in having fun rather than finding a marriage partner And it gives both parties and idea early on if there is a match there, since sex is really important in long term relationships if they both decided the chemistry is good for a second date.
I really liked this video, I came in with the expectation of being lectured on the rules but thanks to @elise these are more like counter-rules. In terms of relationship, the best practice is always what makes both parties comfortable, no matter it's for meeting, dining, kissing, sexing (is that even a word?), paying, etc. Keep it up Elise, I look forward to learning more about Denmark!
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As a german guy, I think every kind of rule is absolutely stupid in regards of dating. Doesn't matter if it is the 4 day rule when contacting again or if it is the sex on third date rule. If both wanna have sex on the first date, then go on. If both would like to wait until marriage, then pls go on. Communication is key here. Regarding the 4 day rule for contacting again: Sometimes I need some time to get sorted what we spoke about and how I feel about that. And yes, sometimes it takes about 3-4 days until I want to come out of my bubble again, but I would not make a rule out of it. Sometimes I wake up the next morning and feel great about the last day, so I try to continue the communication. But please, Ladies, do not expect everything from the guys. If you like them do not wait for them to take the first steps or the lead or anything like that. Meanwhile we have 2022. You would like to be independent, self confident and so on. You don't want somebody else to decide about you. You have fought long enough for equal rights, so please have your own money with you, treat us like you want to be treated, expect nothing, make up your mind and let us know clearly when you are interested and when not. There is enough time for mutual gifts or inviting the other person to dinner, when we both know that we like/love each other. Until then everything should be as free and uncomplicated as possible.
Four days to wait to say you had a great time? That's ridiculous! I'd be texting or calling or something as soon as an hour later if it was one where the chemistry was undeniable, or at least the next day...then you can wait a few days or whatever. But I agree, if I didn't hear from someone for four days after a date I would think they weren't interested. LOL
I'm from America. I cannot speak for everyone here, but this is my opinion. I feel like two people on a date should split the bill. It doesn't matter if it's the first date or not. Women make money and this is not the olden times. We should be responsible for ourselves.
I agree that it would be fair like that, but it is still the case that it's often the guy who end up paying. I was also watching "first dates" from the UK, it's the same there. After the date is over the woman ask "shouldn't we split the bill" but the guy was 9/10 times replying: "No, I' have this" so it's not only something to blame the women, I think it's just as much the men who still likes to pay and take the gentleman, powerful role there... did that make sense?
This is exactly how to get Friend zoned. I would never consider a guy for my mate if he doesn't know how to be a gentleman which includes paying for dates. I'm an American and usually make more than my significant others, but this is not negotiable for me or my friends.
That's a horrible idea! You probably are pretty shitty in relationships too...assuming anyone is willing to see you more than once. Show her she has at least SOME value to you, and that you're willing to make SOME sacrifice to be with her. It's the very least you can do as a man.
I'm from Venezuela. a country in latinamerica.. and here it's expected that the guy has to pay. it's really unusual when a girl tells you to split the bill.. that only happens if there is no romantic/sexual intention.
I think perhaps it varies on the style of dating, some people prefer the traditional courting where there is no physical contact at all, like my childhood friend never held her husband’s hand til they were engaged, no hugs and their first kiss was their wedding day. So America varies widely. My partner and I haven’t kissed yet, tho he’s kissed my hand and cheek and have been together about 6 months but we hold hands, we are enjoying taking it slow.
You should make a video in Danish politeness, it's quite remarkable the efforts they put in not being too blunt. Where did you learn this, with the Japonese?
Me a Mexican; yeah the Nordic Dating Culture and the way of life is very very different; We mexicans are talkative, social butterflies, and always up for making a friend but the Nordics are more quite, reserved, and straight-to-the-point.
My boyfriend and I found each other on Facebook lol yeah and we had our first date 2 months after become friends. He drove 4 hours to come see me and we kissed in the second date 🙈😅❤ we had a long distance relationship that worked out very good for a couple of months until we moved together. We been in a relationship for 2 years and counting 🙈❤💑 If you like a guy/girl don't be afraid to expressed your feelings, if you feel the spark between you two then it's meant to be 😀
Il love it when you do videos about Danemark and talk about the eventual cultural differencies ! You should do a whole series of that kind of videos :D
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Hi Elise! I love your CZcams channel!!! You are the cutest!!! I am such a nerd, so I have to mention that in English it should be "how DO people meet?" And also "gesture" is pronounced with a J sound. I LOVE your accent and I hope you find these little corrections funny and not offensive because they come from my weird quirks of love!
I'm from the US, studying in Copenhagen this Summer. Love your language/cultural vids, they are informative and entertaining. P.S. If other Danish women are as awesome as you, I could wait 4 days!
What do you think is so special about you and your country? Not that I can't write in proper English, it's just reserved to be unleashed in contexts that are worth it.
In Portugal sex is still quite taboo especially on smaller cities. I would say the "normal" for a girl between 15 and 19 who is starting their love/sexual life would be texting someone for a while and then start hanging out together and only after being like 2/3 months in a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship you are "allowed" to have sex. I guess when you get older and not a virgin anymore the sex just comes quicker but I would say losing a virginity here is a big deal. Also if you don't follow the "rules" you get judge and people (especially girls) will call you slut, whore... It's sad but unfortuneatly still happens. About guys no one really care, I thin guys here lose their virginity way first than girls, with a random person and they get applauded or that. UNFAIR I KNOW.
You must be talking about primary school. Once you are in university or beyond, well the older you get, the quicker you will have sex. At 61 years of age, the last 40+ dates have been sex the first or second date - otherwise the third date does not happen.
I don't like the idea of thinking that the guy should be the one who ask the girl.. Girls who follow that rule should rethink that. It seem so unfair to the guys and it only make us girls look weak. Stupid rule in my opinion.
hej jeg kommer fra vest jylland, jeg er let anderledes end mange andre i mit område og det har gjort så flere piger vil ha mig og at de ik vil af med mig. hved mig er det altid pigen der spurgte og søgret for de forskellige ting. sorry i'm bat to englich, i has tried google translate.
If a girl likes a person it helps if she makes it a bit obvious, or at-least makes it easier for the other person to have chances to feel more comfortable to make a move.
Women are weak...that's the reason MEN always take the lead. Men are leaders, women are followers. If a man is not man enough to ask you out and take the initiative, then you are dealing with a weak man. It is what it is.
Elysium Z What a ton of bullshit 😂 man you need to go back to school kiddo. Women have never been followers, men have just been stomping down on women for so long that they havent been ALLOWED to make their own path. The fact that we’re nearly in 2018 and you STILL believe the whole “a man has to have abs are wear suits and women should clean the home and take care of kids” makes you look so incredibly pathetic
It's the other way around. Even if you think you made the first move, it was the eye contact from her that gave you unconscious permission to make the first move. The woman always chooses, always makes the first move, even when she gets you to ask her out.
I simply can't get a grasp on dating apps. 90% of anyone you legitimately like doesn't like you back. 90% of your matches won't actually talk to you. And 90% of those whom do talk to you lose interest within a couple days, if not hours. Maybe I just don't understand it, but I think there's something inherently flawed with the design of online dating. At least from my male perspective.
One of my Dating Rules is that I prefer to date women that are not flat chested because when I hug them, it's a turnoff; it's like hugging a little boy. ☻️
Came across your video by accident and it was a pleasant one. Not much is different from one country to the next, when it comes to dating. Usually a man isn't lucky enough to find a meet someone such as yourself. In my eye you must be the most beautiful woman on this earth and I wish you all the best.
The pay thing may be because 50- 100 years ago women often didn't have jobs like men did. Men often made more money and unfortunately often still do make more money. This is probably a throwback from ancient times.
To be honest, I think the CZcamsr is right. I don't think that you should go by how many dates you've been on with this person in order to have sex.I think you should be as ready as you want to be because sex is a huge thing when dating and you should never feel rushed or pressured into something like this and regret it later. the other person should be able to respect your decision on when you want to have sex and not after the third date. I do agree with her that it is a little weird
The third date (or thereabout) to have sex was common also in America in the 80's and 90's. I don't know about now. But it's interesting that the man has to ask the woman out, the man probably has to pay. That sounds like either pre-1960's America or conservative America. You don't look very conservative. And Denmark doesn't have a reputation as being a conservative country. So, fascinating that dating norms in 2017 Denmark would be so retro.
Forget everything she said. The third rule has been dead here in Denmark since the late 40's. Many girls ask the guys out, in fact, some even consider it part of equality and feminism. Mostly, what is spent on the date is split, maybe not 50/50, but a lot of girls consider it to be a sign of independence and control to share the bill. She's way off on most things, especially the third date rule for sex and fourth day rule for contact.
WorldnChristian here. I was 35 on the night of my honeymoon when I had sex for the first time. It was wonderful. The memories are just for us, the foibles, the intensity, the understanding that this is something we will learn together, and also that sex is not why we got married and will only be a part of our marriage experience, not the reason. I truly hurt for those who desire to have this experience of purity, but feel they cannot save themselves for their one and only partner who will commit to them for better or for worse. There are times in marriage when sex is not possible and control must be learned and the partner respected. Why not practic that before ever getting serious with someone? Communication is key, and think of all the STDs and unplanned pregnancies that would be avoided. No regrets of feeling used or abused with someone who wasn’t committed, no horrific abortion memories once you try to have children and realize that an innocent life was murdered for convenience in your past. This is the path of freedom and honor and respect of the highest order of man and woman as planned for our best interests. He will always allow for a re-do, so think about the value of waiting, or if you can’t wait, ask yourself why not, and what are you made of come the times in marriage when your partner can’t or won’t for any period of time. How does love behave then? Peace and Blessings to all!
Hey Elisa! I live in the United States and I don't think there's any type of rule about how soon should you contact someone after a first date here. I agree that if someone had a good time and would like to get to know their date then why not chat with them to let them know. Also I think most people here in the US are pretty willing to kiss on the first date. It would probably be sort of odd if you didn't unless you just weren't attracted to that person. This is also sort of sad to say but hooking up is also very common here where people just get together for sex. I personally don't think that is okay to do but It's also not my place to judge others for doing so. Anyways, I know this is a long comment that you probably won't see but I'm new to your channel and have been binge watching your videos for the last few days.
hey Elise, thank you for the time you took to research about your culture romance rules. This was fun and informative. I live in Canada and it is pretty similar for all point, at the only exeption that the women here, expect you to pay the bill or the first date cost. I say that without any bitterness it's just what it is and sometime it is wierd, because women want to be independent and strong and be equal as the men. I am 100% for that but, they still want to walk on red carpet and want door open for them and bill paid by the men. Personaly I had no problem with that because I am with an Acadian women, we have been married now for 3 years and Acadian are more traditional and make you feel as a men and it is easier to be romantic when you know where to stand. I mean you are the men so it is more easy to act like one if you are treated as one. I hope it make sense english is my second language so maybe my idea will not be clear enough. have a nice day and keep up your great work. (love your hair BTW)
Australia is so mixed. You can have super traditional people who do the whole third date rule or wait more. (its personal preference) Tinder here is more of a hook up app, for one night stands... theres also a crazy thing at the moment where people will see other people at the same time as you! So monogamy has to be stipulated and you can't assume because you've been out on three dates with a guy, you're the only person he's dating... Crazy! This happened to a friend of mine
Tinder is also used as a hook up app here in Denmark, but I think it depends on who you ask. There is also people who are trying to find love in there, so it's differs. I think it's the same here in Denmark, you can easily date more than one person at the time.
I don't think that's crazy, I'm from Mexico, and I think the same way, I assume the people I date are not monogamous with me until we have talk about it and they have ask me to be their girlfriend until then it's not official for me.
in all the latin america we love european people , but it depent to the person , but yes if you look like Thor you have more oportunities with the tanning chicks. and if you come to Panamá i can present you some panamenians bro.
this was cool to learn. I live in canada and honestly I don't know any unwritten dating rules here I've always been the one if I liked a guy I'd ask him but that was when I was a teenager and I've been with my hubby for 12 yr so we started at 16 and I'm 28 now we have 4 children togeather and we are not legally married with papers we both feel it's a waste of money and it's just a peice of paper and we both just rather be togeather and not worry about it or what others think about it.
I hate to tell you this Shannon. But there's nothing to learn from her. Where she got all that from, I guess none of us who live in Denmark will ever know. None of it is on the mark. She's so far off it's not even funny.
This is a contradiction when a man does not pay for the woman on the date because it puts pressure on her for sex and at the same time it’s expected to have sex on the third date!
Hmm, it´s very different in Germany. We don´t have "day-rules" or something like that. Normally the boy asks for the first date and pays but this is really different.
Yes I agree the guy pays but also in Germany if you contact the girl in 4 days she wouldn't reply because is too soon they need 2 weeks or one month is very difficult in Germany
It's strange that women may not want men to pay only because it puts pressure on them, what about not letting the man pay because it's extremely hypocritical to keep saying that men and women are equal, women's wages are going up, more women CEOs then ever before, women under 30 on average earn more then men, yet men should pay???
Nice video. From what you say, it's pretty universal. As for the men paying, it's more of a chivalry and masculine thing for a man. Kisses on the 1st date are awesome, it lets you know how your date went. 4 days to wait??? That's crazy! You like each other, CONTACT one another. As for everything else, go with your head and soul. Sköl!
That's really good advice telling young girls not to feel pressured into sex. Especially young girls who don't have positive role models. There is no correct number of dates. Everyone should feel comfortable. No means no and if he doesn't listen then CALL THE POLICE! Great vid!
haha i am a Danish dude and yes the guy pays the bill if he`s inviting her out and yes we kiss on the first date. but i`ve personally never tried not having sex on the 2 date..
I have always thought the whole waiting 3 or 4 days thing is stupid and weird. If someone didn't contact me back I would assume they lost interest and I would have already forgotten about them by then. I believe if you are interested in someone you should in fact contact them again. You don't have to be clingy but you should show interest with a message the day after. If you ignore me for 4 days I have long forgotten you by then so goodbye! Lol. I suppose I should also stat that I am Half Danish but I was born in Canada and I grew up here and still reside in Canada.
My girlfriend and I have decided that we should move to Denmark in the future, so we are trying to learn the language. You give the best lessons on the whole of youtube, Would love it if you did a few more basic lessons for us.
Some Danish rules seem weird to me, like the one where it is expected that the man make the first move to talk to the woman, or the other where it is expected that the man pays the date. I thought that you Danish people were super advanced, had women talk first to the man, splitted the fare, didn't make the men hold the door open for the woman, didn't make the women dress and act too feminine... I'm puzzled now.
I just want to find the right place where I can love some girl without any restriction. And maybe Denmark is the place where I can find a cute, lovely and pretty girl. Thanks so much for the information.
Wow. Very interesting. I have seen videos/read articles that in Denmark that sex on the first date is not uncommon. Call me old-fashioned (because I am), but sex after the third shouldn't be expected (as a guy, I have to say the word "expected" is funny--we'll take it whenever!). If you're looking to be with someone for a long term, sex is just one item on a long list of things that is needed for a relationship to work.
In the US, the third date sex occurrence was studied from Columbia University in the 1980s and I don't think that habit has changed since then. Everywhere you go the general rule that guys pay over women is still predominant no matter if there is feminist attitudes around but this obligation tends to make men either feel used or they may feel that they have the privilege to be more aggressive on dates. If women have the opportunity to ask for a date, pay for a date, and generally act more independent whether dating or in regular life activities - this type of perspective should be done in the most feminine and modest way possible when presenting this activity toward any man because the very acts done may tend to make men unneeded, un-respected, and not feel that sex will be involved in a relationship. A woman has to make herself 'attractive' to a man if she wants a relationship with him even if it's just a friendship. Being capable of independence whether that is true or not is not attractive to a man because that is not the priority of why a man wants to date you.
Let's be honest here, a girl/woman knows by the end of the second date if she's interested in sex... If after the second date she still isn't sure; a third date isn't going to tell her anything she hasn't already figured out..... I'm not saying she is obligated or should feel pressure to have sex on the third date but she should be able to express her feelings on the subject and either tell the guy whether she really likes him, or doesn't see the relationship going any where, much more than that and she is just 'playing games'.
I get the impression that you are quite young, are you even old enough to watch videos on dating? Secondly I never said a girl was obligated to have sex on the second or even the third date... The girl in the video said it wasn't unusual to have sex by the third date. The ONLY point I was trying to make is that someone usually knows by the second date if you have a 'chemistry' with that person. In fact there has been research that states that a person knows within the first 30seconds of meeting someone if they are interested in them.... No one should EVER feel like they are obligated to have sex at ANY time. But by that same token a girl should be able to use her voice and tell someone that they are definitely NOT interested instead of going on date after date and expecting the guy to read your mind... I myself would NOT be offended if a girl would tell me she isn't interested; it would make things much easier for everyone involved.... You might consider concentrating a bit more on your reading 'comprehension', and perhaps NOT making such 'snap' judgements when you don't even understand what you read.........
I totally agree. As a man, it does hurt to get rejected if you like the girl. So fear of rejection is a big deal with me,so it makes me 'hard' and resentfull and possibly twards women in general; the assumption is they are ALL like that. I also think feminism is ruening the whole thing. Sad.
Thanks for posting this. I am actually from Berlin originally but raised in anglican cultures and currently finishing my degree in Scotland but I am gonna move there for a year first next summer. I am currently working as an illustrator and graphic designer and I know Copenhagen is a very design oriented city. New avenues to explore creatively. But then again, like moving anywhere, the social norms sort of interest me because I do want to have a healthy dating life over there. I have a question, more about meeting people, wether its friends or for dating. How much do you invest in friendships in Denmark in the beginning? Does it take a very long time to get a secure friendship?
It does not take a long time to get a secure friendship. However, it can be a bit of a chore to get people to loosen up the first time you meet them. And as with any social contact, you need to get out there and meed people. As for dating, please forget all her odd rules. They are not used and nobody knows of them. Where she got all this crap from, nobody knows.
FYI. I'm a KIWI, I have 13 male friends that have dated Dane girls. They all said something roughly similar to: Danish girls were cold to approach. Unexpressive (hard to read). The guy had to lead, ask out, pay, woo, etc. Then they were fast to make up their minds and either cut the guy lose or go start sex as soon as they decided they wanted to see them again. Is this very different from your understanding?
Wow. Very mixed opinions depending on who you listen to. Some people vow that Danish women won't meet new people unless they are talking to someone in their friendship circle, some people say they are waiting for men to approach them no matter who they know in their friend circle and some people say that Danish women can see equality in gender there and approach guys now days. I guess it would be better just to go there and do whatever you do and learn the hard way.
People are different,thank god,wouldn't it be boring if we were all the same.Most of what you say are true,it all depend on the girl,you can't generalize.But the norm is equality between the sexes here,so it wouldnt be surprising to see a woman take the first step.
It's mostly a blend of the latter two. The girls who only date in their own circles are pretty rare and not really worth dating. I've gotten on dates just by asking random girls out in the oddest of places.
It is absolutely fine with doing anything you feel like to, but after all, it is about strategy to make the relationship more exciting. It is kind of human nature which is we like to chase what we do not have/ get.
As a Christian man I don't believe in sex before marriage because the Holy Bible says it's sin, and pleasing God is most important to me, of course pleasing my girlfriend is important to me too, but I wouldn't want to cause her to sin, so no sex before marriage is rule number one, I could lead her to Christ Jesus if she didn't know him, but it's usually better to date someone who already believes, for a date we could go to a fun place with dinner afterwards, or for a walk, roller skating, spending time together, whatever we want to do, but without sin. A date with a girlfriend can be a wonderful time without the pressure of falling into sin.
I think all of these are almost the same in the U.S. While the woman may want to split the bill, or she may want to pay the bill, I feel like most men still feel the cultural pressure of not wanting to feel cheap, or wanting her to feel like he can take care of her. I can see this as being less and less expected for future generations.
I think the 3rd date rule is reasonable. Who wants to waste time? Most people know within 20 minutes of meeting someone if they will fall in love. If a person, male or female, doesn't know for sure by the end of the second date, than just don't make the third date - move on to the next prospect, and let your date move on as well - otherwise, you are maybe just going on many dates to have your drinks and meals paid for.
It's quite the same thing in Germany compared to what you presented as unspoken dating rules. The 4 days rule does not really exist in Germany, it's more of a 1-2 day rule, because you don't wanna come off as needy or clingy :)
all in all, it's kinda a "interest game" in the end, playing hard to get, but not too much. cus if you seem too interested too fast, it might ruin it because then "it's not fun, there's no ressistance" from the other person. it's kinda silly, but for the most part, it's actually true. most people don't likes when it's too easy and if you or anyone can just have it, so keep it interesting, but not too much too fast.
I am married. My first date with my husband was lovely and we chatted all afternoon , as though we had known each other for years. He texted me ten minutes after the date ended to ask for another date. We got married four years later
Is which app
Which app?
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Ditch the rules and do what's comfortable.
That is what most do. I have no idea where she came up with this stuff. Dating in Denmark is NOTHING like what she says.
Yeah, fuck the keys kick down the door
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Please let me know if the danish dating culture differs from where you are at, or what similarities there might be, I would love to know! :)
Elise Buch in France it's not like that aha ! If you have sex on the first date people will say that the girl is " an easy girl " ( bitch )
Well.. There could have been NO 2 totally identical dating cultures, u know! It goes EVEN for the case "Danish dating vs the dutch one"! ))
hej jeg kommer fra vest jylland, jeg er let anderledes end mange andre i mit område og det har gjort så flere piger vil ha mig og at de ik vil af med mig.
Elise Buch A question about Danish Girls are they direct I mean if they dont like something about you they tell you in the fsce clearly ? And how loyal are in a relationship? What they really want so they can say lets get married or lets say how to have a very strong and longtime relationship ?(but very longtime relationship)
where are you from?
This is SO helpful! I just met a Danish girl, the way she laughs and act is so quirky and cute. Taking it slow and friendly, I really hope to deepen our relationship in the future 😊.
its been a year, how this story end?
@@noone-xd4ek oof.. prolly nowhere or a one night and then she married and alibaba.
I don't like the four days rule, or any rule about waiting to contact. If you like someone, you should be able to talk to them whenever you want. But in America, some people do the waiting thing, which I don't like.
I don't think a lot of people in Denmark follow that rule anymore. I think it's an old "rule" or "guideline" from back when there weren't the same options to stay in touch as there is today. Back then you'd probably have had to call, so maybe then it made more sense.
There is no four days rule and never been. Its made up
It's good if you are able waiting for your loved person. Sometimes we misunderstand the precious skill of waiting for someone important. For me it's not about rules.
The four days rule is pick up artist bullshit, meant to make the woman feel insecure and like she has something to prove on the next date, take it as what it is a red flag.
You want to see your date again, try to arrange the next date at the end of your first date, don't pressure but drop a hint. "I am going to *insert random event* next *insert day* i would love to see you again." something like that so the other party allready knows you are interested, before you leave. Danes can be a little akward leave a clear opening to speeds things along.
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This is weird, now i've been dating for over 15 years, and i'm danish, and this makes absolutly no sens. And you kinda confuse a date and tinder hook ups. it's very different, all my friends and myself included invites a girl out for dinner, not coffee or a walk. and even younger people the most "normal" thing is a movie and some kind of food, resturant or cafe. There is no rules about sex and number of dates, u took that from hollywood movies or something. And your 4 day rule is also from some kind of movie, there is no such thing.. and if your friends are like this, tell them to grow up.
And tbh overall all this rules stuff is weird and dont exist, people do what they want, and many date "rules" are just made up behavior based upon people being shy or insecure or whatever.
Some have sex on first date, some wait weeks, some wait days, some write a text right after the date and talk all night because excited, some wait a day or two because they dont know what the other person think and is insecure, its all different from person to person, but to say there is rules, makes no sens what so ever.
sådan en kælling har dsv ødlagt dating siderne
He :D
What sapp ✍✍@#
Right?! When she was talking about the “rules” I was thinking of the movie “Swingers”. 😂
You nailed it, and yes she confuses dating with tinder hookups
Hi, i'm from Finland. That sounds very strange to me...i would at least send her a text message the very next day and say that i had a great time or whatever haha..or just call quickly so she see a missed call on her phone,just to show her that she is on my mind. Yeah the sex thing i don't know about..i would do that when the time is right and we feel comfort around each other!
Forget everything she said. She's so far off it's not even funny.
I'm in Australia and I've heard "if they ignore you for 3 days they're not worth it."
Tyou for the ´ advise ´´ i really needed to hear that
The 4 day communication rule is absurd!
Here in the States, I've heard of a two-day rule for contacting someone after a date, so one doesn't appear desperate. But I don't know how many actually follow that.
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Funny, Im a dane and dont recognice anything of that dating rules. Never heard about them
how? Don't mistake us for sweden
Here in Russia if you see a couple of two shy smiling persons walking down the streets with red or pink rose, you can be sure it is their first date. Boys usually gift one rose to a girl for the first date and a bouquet of 5-101 roses for next few dates. After 2 or 3 years of your relationship they forget about the roses and switch the "hey, where's ma food?!" mode on :'( that sad.. Anyway, thank you for this video, Elise, it was interesting :))))
wow. I think flowers on first date would scare danish girls away. It would be a little too cute, a little too soon. But that's so much fun to hear! :)
Polina Bogdanova here in England you say people not persons ☺️ xx
Poppy Atkinson oh, ok! thank you 😊😊😊
Polina Bogdanova sooo cute! ( never happens where im from xD )
You should to try to date a Brazilian than!
I agree with you completely, Elise. People should always follow their hearts and never a stupid random rule made by who knows? There are so many aspects involved in emotions and in love in particular. It can happen instantaneously or it can happen slowly, it all depends. Depends on the moment of each person, depends on the situation, depends on how's your life and so on. Regardless all of this, we must be responsible for ourselves, physical and emotional, choosing well a partner, using condoms, being responsible and true for all involved. You said well: there's no rush! All the good things in life come naturally. Much love from Brazil, dear Elise.
I totally disagree, people should follow their brains.
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yeah--if I wait 4 days to contact you, it's because I'm asking if you remember if I left my jacket at the restaurant we ate at. contact the next day with a "hey how are you?" and "can we talk later this week?" makes WAY more sense
I agree with your view on sex, Elise. People should be ready and not rush.
I'm from Chile and I've just met a Danish guy. We met on a social app and had our first date 4 days later (I personally think face to face is the only way I can really know someone well). That's why I came to watch this video, hahah. Well, he's shy upon the eyes of my culture, but very down to the earth, honest and cute. In our Latin culture many people like to impress and compliment since the first moment, although younger generations seem to be more simple, as I prefer, so that's why I wanna meet him again, hahah. We didn't kiss, maybe because I didn't want to be seen as rushed or anxious. In my culture there are no rules for when kissing or having sex, I think it varies a lot from person to person depending on personal values/ideas, but I guess many people -I don't- tend to think that sex too soon (before the 3rd date) means probably an only sexual interest. Here many boys tend to invite in the first date, but I know progressive girls who have invited the first time too. Let's see how this story goes on!
I agree the 4 day rule is shit, I would think they weren't interested either? I actually contacted my husband about an hour after our 1st date to thank him for a lovely afternoon and we talked every day since and clearly got married! If you like them and enjoyed yourself let them know!
My last girlfriend of 10 years told me on our second date - "If you don't kiss me this time, you'll never see me again." She's Brazilian. I'm happy with her all these years, but if I hadn't made love to her on the second date, the last 10 years of happiness would not have happened.
Up
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that's why I don't date. it's ridiculous.
Always great to hear about Aarhus and Denmark haha :)
There are no dating-rules in Denmark, since we don't have a dating culture!
Most of this is copy / pasted from American series!
So are you single ?
A hook-up is quite normal in the U.S. as it is in Iceland, Norway and some other countries. We're more interested in having fun rather than finding a marriage partner And it gives both parties and idea early on if there is a match there, since sex is really important in long term relationships if they both decided the chemistry is good for a second date.
I really liked this video, I came in with the expectation of being lectured on the rules but thanks to @elise these are more like counter-rules. In terms of relationship, the best practice is always what makes both parties comfortable, no matter it's for meeting, dining, kissing, sexing (is that even a word?), paying, etc. Keep it up Elise, I look forward to learning more about Denmark!
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What sapp ✍✍*
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As a german guy, I think every kind of rule is absolutely stupid in regards of dating. Doesn't matter if it is the 4 day rule when contacting again or if it is the sex on third date rule. If both wanna have sex on the first date, then go on. If both would like to wait until marriage, then pls go on. Communication is key here. Regarding the 4 day rule for contacting again: Sometimes I need some time to get sorted what we spoke about and how I feel about that. And yes, sometimes it takes about 3-4 days until I want to come out of my bubble again, but I would not make a rule out of it. Sometimes I wake up the next morning and feel great about the last day, so I try to continue the communication.
But please, Ladies, do not expect everything from the guys. If you like them do not wait for them to take the first steps or the lead or anything like that. Meanwhile we have 2022. You would like to be independent, self confident and so on. You don't want somebody else to decide about you. You have fought long enough for equal rights, so please have your own money with you, treat us like you want to be treated, expect nothing, make up your mind and let us know clearly when you are interested and when not. There is enough time for mutual gifts or inviting the other person to dinner, when we both know that we like/love each other. Until then everything should be as free and uncomplicated as possible.
After 4 days I will ask him to remind me his name 😃
haha I liked this. You have a nice way of going about getting your answers and explaining what you came up with and what you still feel in comparison.
Hello handsome
Four days to wait to say you had a great time? That's ridiculous! I'd be texting or calling or something as soon as an hour later if it was one where the chemistry was undeniable, or at least the next day...then you can wait a few days or whatever. But I agree, if I didn't hear from someone for four days after a date I would think they weren't interested. LOL
I'm from America. I cannot speak for everyone here, but this is my opinion. I feel like two people on a date should split the bill. It doesn't matter if it's the first date or not. Women make money and this is not the olden times. We should be responsible for ourselves.
I agree that it would be fair like that, but it is still the case that it's often the guy who end up paying. I was also watching "first dates" from the UK, it's the same there. After the date is over the woman ask "shouldn't we split the bill" but the guy was 9/10 times replying: "No, I' have this" so it's not only something to blame the women, I think it's just as much the men who still likes to pay and take the gentleman, powerful role there... did that make sense?
This is exactly how to get Friend zoned. I would never consider a guy for my mate if he doesn't know how to be a gentleman which includes paying for dates. I'm an American and usually make more than my significant others, but this is not negotiable for me or my friends.
Love Peace Haha, yes I’m still dating. No reason to be in a relationship with a cheap ass man. Would rather be alone.
That's a horrible idea! You probably are pretty shitty in relationships too...assuming anyone is willing to see you more than once. Show her she has at least SOME value to you, and that you're willing to make SOME sacrifice to be with her. It's the very least you can do as a man.
Jan Lockhart cheap as men rule the world. Look at billioneres
I'm from Venezuela. a country in latinamerica.. and here it's expected that the guy has to pay. it's really unusual when a girl tells you to split the bill.. that only happens if there is no romantic/sexual intention.
The socially acceptable thing in Denmark is that the one who invites pay the bill, unless anything else is agreed upon beforehand.
(I'm danish) There is absolutely NO rules about sex in Denmark, Elise you are so wrong
Of course there are rules regarding sex. They are just nothing like she says.
Thanks Linus
@@SafwanNet 😂😂😂😂
I think perhaps it varies on the style of dating, some people prefer the traditional courting where there is no physical contact at all, like my childhood friend never held her husband’s hand til they were engaged, no hugs and their first kiss was their wedding day. So America varies widely. My partner and I haven’t kissed yet, tho he’s kissed my hand and cheek and have been together about 6 months but we hold hands, we are enjoying taking it slow.
You should make a video in Danish politeness, it's quite remarkable the efforts they put in not being too blunt. Where did you learn this, with the Japonese?
I love this video, very interesting topic. Thank you for making this video!
Your hair is absolutely beautiful. Totally cool !!!!!!!!
The way she said "Gesture" was adorable lol
I honestly think the person who ask out should pay , because it wasn’t your idea to go out , “who invites out pays out”
Me a Mexican; yeah the Nordic Dating Culture and the way of life is very very different; We mexicans are talkative, social butterflies, and always up for making a friend but the Nordics are more quite, reserved, and straight-to-the-point.
I bartendered at a bar and served and talked to a man from Copenhagen Denmark. Very smart and kind guy.
The is no rules in dating except this, do whatever works in the date in question.
My boyfriend and I found each other on Facebook lol yeah and we had our first date 2 months after become friends. He drove 4 hours to come see me and we kissed in the second date 🙈😅❤ we had a long distance relationship that worked out very good for a couple of months until we moved together. We been in a relationship for 2 years and counting 🙈❤💑
If you like a guy/girl don't be afraid to expressed your feelings, if you feel the spark between you two then it's meant to be 😀
also he bring me orchids in our first day 😀😍
Where are you from and where is he from?
In Denmark most girls I have gone out with have asked me sex on first date. Danish women expect you to have sex on first date. That is so weird!
Can you describe yourself physically? Where you from?
Il love it when you do videos about Danemark and talk about the eventual cultural differencies ! You should do a whole series of that kind of videos :D
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Your hair and skin look amazing
This is so helpful! Mange tak for this, Elise!!💕
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Hi Elise! I love your CZcams channel!!! You are the cutest!!! I am such a nerd, so I have to mention that in English it should be "how DO people meet?" And also "gesture" is pronounced with a J sound. I LOVE your accent and I hope you find these little corrections funny and not offensive because they come from my weird quirks of love!
I'm from the US, studying in Copenhagen this Summer. Love your language/cultural vids, they are informative and entertaining. P.S. If other Danish women are as awesome as you, I could wait 4 days!
I hope that you'll have so much fun here, and thank you! ^_^
JarlEgbert, Fuck you
The xenophobic douchebag has now become an editor.
What do you think is so special about you and your country? Not that I can't write in proper English, it's just reserved to be unleashed in contexts that are worth it.
JarlEgbert bro he's white lol.
I think the 1st time and 3rd time rule might be a bit over the top. Important is for both the people to be comfortable with each other.
‘Does the people’ and ‘guess-ture’ are my favorite parts of this video
Just say "let's go hygge together" that's how I picked a Danish girl, should work, gl:)
Wait really? I'll answer you back in 4 years once I turn 18 so I can go to Denmark. I live in the EU so I can legally migrate
czcams.com/video/iYlEvnaGZe8/video.html czcams.com/video/nIfcsOZgs5k/video.html S
Let's go hygge together 😄😄🤔
Hi Elise! I am from america, and I think a guy would have to be crazy not to call you back the next day after the 1st date
In Portugal sex is still quite taboo especially on smaller cities. I would say the "normal" for a girl between 15 and 19 who is starting their love/sexual life would be texting someone for a while and then start hanging out together and only after being like 2/3 months in a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship you are "allowed" to have sex. I guess when you get older and not a virgin anymore the sex just comes quicker but I would say losing a virginity here is a big deal. Also if you don't follow the "rules" you get judge and people (especially girls) will call you slut, whore... It's sad but unfortuneatly still happens. About guys no one really care, I thin guys here lose their virginity way first than girls, with a random person and they get applauded or that. UNFAIR I KNOW.
Raquel Peres whores are whores. Lets get it straight
You must be talking about primary school. Once you are in university or beyond, well the older you get, the quicker you will have sex. At 61 years of age, the last 40+ dates have been sex the first or second date - otherwise the third date does not happen.
Raquel Peres zu
I don't like the idea of thinking that the guy should be the one who ask the girl.. Girls who follow that rule should rethink that. It seem so unfair to the guys and it only make us girls look weak. Stupid rule in my opinion.
hej jeg kommer fra vest jylland, jeg er let anderledes end mange andre i mit område og det har gjort så flere piger vil ha mig og at de ik vil af med mig.
hved mig er det altid pigen der spurgte og søgret for de forskellige ting.
sorry i'm bat to englich, i has tried google translate.
If a girl likes a person it helps if she makes it a bit obvious, or at-least makes it easier for the other person to have chances to feel more comfortable to make a move.
Women are weak...that's the reason MEN always take the lead. Men are leaders, women are followers. If a man is not man enough to ask you out and take the initiative, then you are dealing with a weak man. It is what it is.
Elysium Z What a ton of bullshit 😂 man you need to go back to school kiddo. Women have never been followers, men have just been stomping down on women for so long that they havent been ALLOWED to make their own path. The fact that we’re nearly in 2018 and you STILL believe the whole “a man has to have abs are wear suits and women should clean the home and take care of kids” makes you look so incredibly pathetic
It's the other way around. Even if you think you made the first move, it was the eye contact from her that gave you unconscious permission to make the first move. The woman always chooses, always makes the first move, even when she gets you to ask her out.
Hvor er du sød, Elise Buch! Nåja, og forresten også ret lækker! Tak for videoen! :)
I simply can't get a grasp on dating apps. 90% of anyone you legitimately like doesn't like you back. 90% of your matches won't actually talk to you. And 90% of those whom do talk to you lose interest within a couple days, if not hours. Maybe I just don't understand it, but I think there's something inherently flawed with the design of online dating. At least from my male perspective.
One of my Dating Rules is that I prefer to date women that are not flat chested because when I hug them, it's a turnoff; it's like hugging a little boy. ☻️
Came across your video by accident and it was a pleasant one. Not much is different from one country to the next, when it comes to dating. Usually a man isn't lucky enough to find a meet someone such as yourself. In my eye you must be the most beautiful woman on this earth and I wish you all the best.
The pay thing may be because 50- 100 years ago women often didn't have jobs like men did. Men often made more money and
unfortunately often still do make more money. This is probably a throwback from ancient times.
To be honest, I think the CZcamsr is right. I don't think that you should go by how many dates you've been on with this person in order to have sex.I think you should be as ready as you want to be because sex is a huge thing when dating and you should never feel rushed or pressured into something like this and regret it later. the other person should be able to respect your decision on when you want to have sex and not after the third date. I do agree with her that it is a little weird
The third date (or thereabout) to have sex was common also in America in the 80's and 90's. I don't know about now. But it's interesting that the man has to ask the woman out, the man probably has to pay. That sounds like either pre-1960's America or conservative America. You don't look very conservative. And Denmark doesn't have a reputation as being a conservative country. So, fascinating that dating norms in 2017 Denmark would be so retro.
Forget everything she said. The third rule has been dead here in Denmark since the late 40's.
Many girls ask the guys out, in fact, some even consider it part of equality and feminism.
Mostly, what is spent on the date is split, maybe not 50/50, but a lot of girls consider it to be a sign of independence and control to share the bill.
She's way off on most things, especially the third date rule for sex and fourth day rule for contact.
WorldnChristian here. I was 35 on the night of my honeymoon when I had sex for the first time. It was wonderful. The memories are just for us, the foibles, the intensity, the understanding that this is something we will learn together, and also that sex is not why we got married and will only be a part of our marriage experience, not the reason. I truly hurt for those who desire to have this experience of purity, but feel they cannot save themselves for their one and only partner who will commit to them for better or for worse. There are times in marriage when sex is not possible and control must be learned and the partner respected. Why not practic that before ever getting serious with someone? Communication is key, and think of all the STDs and unplanned pregnancies that would be avoided. No regrets of feeling used or abused with someone who wasn’t committed, no horrific abortion memories once you try to have children and realize that an innocent life was murdered for convenience in your past. This is the path of freedom and honor and respect of the highest order of man and woman as planned for our best interests. He will always allow for a re-do, so think about the value of waiting, or if you can’t wait, ask yourself why not, and what are you made of come the times in marriage when your partner can’t or won’t for any period of time. How does love behave then? Peace and Blessings to all!
Hey Elisa! I live in the United States and I don't think there's any type of rule about how soon should you contact someone after a first date here. I agree that if someone had a good time and would like to get to know their date then why not chat with them to let them know. Also I think most people here in the US are pretty willing to kiss on the first date. It would probably be sort of odd if you didn't unless you just weren't attracted to that person. This is also sort of sad to say but hooking up is also very common here where people just get together for sex. I personally don't think that is okay to do but It's also not my place to judge others for doing so. Anyways, I know this is a long comment that you probably won't see but I'm new to your channel and have been binge watching your videos for the last few days.
It's more about being independent. Both ppl should pay for their own things. Equality.
Apparently yelling "Out, out damn spot!" at your date is frowned upon as well. :P
hey Elise, thank you for the time you took to research about your culture romance rules. This was fun and informative. I live in Canada and it is pretty similar for all point, at the only exeption that the women here, expect you to pay the bill or the first date cost. I say that without any bitterness it's just what it is and sometime it is wierd, because women want to be independent and strong and be equal as the men. I am 100% for that but, they still want to walk on red carpet and want door open for them and bill paid by the men. Personaly I had no problem with that because I am with an Acadian women, we have been married now for 3 years and Acadian are more traditional and make you feel as a men and it is easier to be romantic when you know where to stand. I mean you are the men so it is more easy to act like one if you are treated as one. I hope it make sense english is my second language so maybe my idea will not be clear enough. have a nice day and keep up your great work. (love your hair BTW)
Wait. Sex on the third date is fast?
Sex tends to happen on the first date in the US if the girl likes you. Or it’s a random hookup situation.
I agree when you mentioned that sex shouldn't follow after a certain number of days and should just happen when both are comfortable
Australia is so mixed. You can have super traditional people who do the whole third date rule or wait more. (its personal preference) Tinder here is more of a hook up app, for one night stands... theres also a crazy thing at the moment where people will see other people at the same time as you! So monogamy has to be stipulated and you can't assume because you've been out on three dates with a guy, you're the only person he's dating... Crazy! This happened to a friend of mine
Tinder is also used as a hook up app here in Denmark, but I think it depends on who you ask. There is also people who are trying to find love in there, so it's differs.
I think it's the same here in Denmark, you can easily date more than one person at the time.
I don't think that's crazy, I'm from Mexico, and I think the same way, I assume the people I date are not monogamous with me until we have talk about it and they have ask me to be their girlfriend until then it's not official for me.
in all the latin america we love european people , but it depent to the person , but yes if you look like Thor you have more oportunities with the tanning chicks. and if you come to Panamá i can present you some panamenians bro.
So is Tinder in Denmark.
If they’re using Tinder, they are almost certainly NOT monogamous.
this was cool to learn. I live in canada and honestly I don't know any unwritten dating rules here I've always been the one if I liked a guy I'd ask him but that was when I was a teenager and I've been with my hubby for 12 yr so we started at 16 and I'm 28 now we have 4 children togeather and we are not legally married with papers we both feel it's a waste of money and it's just a peice of paper and we both just rather be togeather and not worry about it or what others think about it.
I hate to tell you this Shannon. But there's nothing to learn from her. Where she got all that from, I guess none of us who live in Denmark will ever know. None of it is on the mark. She's so far off it's not even funny.
Hello Shannon how are you doing?
This is a contradiction when a man does not pay for the woman on the date because it puts pressure on her for sex and at the same time it’s expected to have sex on the third date!
Hmm, it´s very different in Germany. We don´t have "day-rules" or something like that. Normally the boy asks for the first date and pays but this is really different.
Here in Denmark we don't have rules either. The only Dane with rules are Elise apparently.
Yes I agree the guy pays but also in Germany if you contact the girl in 4 days she wouldn't reply because is too soon they need 2 weeks or one month is very difficult in Germany
It's strange that women may not want men to pay only because it puts pressure on them, what about not letting the man pay because it's extremely hypocritical to keep saying that men and women are equal, women's wages are going up, more women CEOs then ever before, women under 30 on average earn more then men, yet men should pay???
0:57 interesting how dating culture is a new phenomenon. Is it the best way to organise our lives?
She and her friends must be immitating American popculture...
Nice video. From what you say, it's pretty universal. As for the men paying, it's more of a chivalry and masculine thing for a man. Kisses on the 1st date are awesome, it lets you know how your date went. 4 days to wait??? That's crazy! You like each other, CONTACT one another. As for everything else, go with your head and soul. Sköl!
That's really good advice telling young girls not to feel pressured into sex. Especially young girls who don't have positive role models. There is no correct number of dates. Everyone should feel comfortable. No means no and if he doesn't listen then CALL THE POLICE! Great vid!
haha i am a Danish dude and yes the guy pays the bill if he`s inviting her out and yes we kiss on the first date. but i`ve personally never tried not having sex on the 2 date..
I have always thought the whole waiting 3 or 4 days thing is stupid and weird. If someone didn't contact me back I would assume they lost interest and I would have already forgotten about them by then. I believe if you are interested in someone you should in fact contact them again. You don't have to be clingy but you should show interest with a message the day after. If you ignore me for 4 days I have long forgotten you by then so goodbye! Lol.
I suppose I should also stat that I am Half Danish but I was born in Canada and I grew up here and still reside in Canada.
My girlfriend and I have decided that we should move to Denmark in the future, so we are trying to learn the language. You give the best lessons on the whole of youtube, Would love it if you did a few more basic lessons for us.
I will definitely write that down , thanks.
Some Danish rules seem weird to me, like the one where it is expected that the man make the first move to talk to the woman, or the other where it is expected that the man pays the date. I thought that you Danish people were super advanced, had women talk first to the man, splitted the fare, didn't make the men hold the door open for the woman, didn't make the women dress and act too feminine... I'm puzzled now.
It is a complex game. Some of the oldschool expectations to the men are still there.
dude just ignore everything she said. Non of it is right, and it is extremely bias.
I just want to find the right place where I can love some girl without any restriction. And maybe Denmark is the place where I can find a cute, lovely and pretty girl. Thanks so much for the information.
In our culture parents decide whom to marry & divorce rate is nearly 0.
Wow. Very interesting. I have seen videos/read articles that in Denmark that sex on the first date is not uncommon. Call me old-fashioned (because I am), but sex after the third shouldn't be expected (as a guy, I have to say the word "expected" is funny--we'll take it whenever!). If you're looking to be with someone for a long term, sex is just one item on a long list of things that is needed for a relationship to work.
I enjoyed this video. Very interesting.
From one ginger dane to another, I like this video.
In the US, the third date sex occurrence was studied from Columbia University in the 1980s and I don't think that habit has changed since then. Everywhere you go the general rule that guys pay over women is still predominant no matter if there is feminist attitudes around but this obligation tends to make men either feel used or they may feel that they have the privilege to be more aggressive on dates. If women have the opportunity to ask for a date, pay for a date, and generally act more independent whether dating or in regular life activities - this type of perspective should be done in the most feminine and modest way possible when presenting this activity toward any man because the very acts done may tend to make men unneeded, un-respected, and not feel that sex will be involved in a relationship. A woman has to make herself 'attractive' to a man if she wants a relationship with him even if it's just a friendship. Being capable of independence whether that is true or not is not attractive to a man because that is not the priority of why a man wants to date you.
Let's be honest here, a girl/woman knows by the end of the second date if she's interested in sex... If after the second date she still isn't sure; a third date isn't going to tell her anything she hasn't already figured out..... I'm not saying she is obligated or should feel pressure to have sex on the third date but she should be able to express her feelings on the subject and either tell the guy whether she really likes him, or doesn't see the relationship going any where, much more than that and she is just 'playing games'.
I get the impression that you are quite young, are you even old enough to watch videos on dating? Secondly I never said a girl was obligated to have sex on the second or even the third date... The girl in the video said it wasn't unusual to have sex by the third date. The ONLY point I was trying to make is that someone usually knows by the second date if you have a 'chemistry' with that person. In fact there has been research that states that a person knows within the first 30seconds of meeting someone if they are interested in them.... No one should EVER feel like they are obligated to have sex at ANY time. But by that same token a girl should be able to use her voice and tell someone that they are definitely NOT interested instead of going on date after date and expecting the guy to read your mind... I myself would NOT be offended if a girl would tell me she isn't interested; it would make things much easier for everyone involved.... You might consider concentrating a bit more on your reading 'comprehension', and perhaps NOT making such 'snap' judgements when you don't even understand what you read.........
I totally agree. As a man, it does hurt to get rejected if you like the girl. So fear of rejection is a big deal with me,so it makes me 'hard' and resentfull and possibly twards women in general; the assumption is they are ALL like that. I also think feminism is ruening the whole thing. Sad.
Thanks for posting this. I am actually from Berlin originally but raised in anglican cultures and currently finishing my degree in Scotland but I am gonna move there for a year first next summer. I am currently working as an illustrator and graphic designer and I know Copenhagen is a very design oriented city. New avenues to explore creatively. But then again, like moving anywhere, the social norms sort of interest me because I do want to have a healthy dating life over there. I have a question, more about meeting people, wether its friends or for dating. How much do you invest in friendships in Denmark in the beginning? Does it take a very long time to get a secure friendship?
It does not take a long time to get a secure friendship. However, it can be a bit of a chore to get people to loosen up the first time you meet them. And as with any social contact, you need to get out there and meed people.
As for dating, please forget all her odd rules. They are not used and nobody knows of them. Where she got all this crap from, nobody knows.
Thanks Alie🎉...
FYI. I'm a KIWI, I have 13 male friends that have dated Dane girls. They all said something roughly similar to: Danish girls were cold to approach. Unexpressive (hard to read). The guy had to lead, ask out, pay, woo, etc. Then they were fast to make up their minds and either cut the guy lose or go start sex as soon as they decided they wanted to see them again. Is this very different from your understanding?
Why is it that the girl wants both for the guy to pay but also not to
Wow. Very mixed opinions depending on who you listen to. Some people vow that Danish women won't meet new people unless they are talking to someone in their friendship circle, some people say they are waiting for men to approach them no matter who they know in their friend circle and some people say that Danish women can see equality in gender there and approach guys now days. I guess it would be better just to go there and do whatever you do and learn the hard way.
People are different,thank god,wouldn't it be boring if we were all the same.Most of what you say are true,it all depend on the girl,you can't generalize.But the norm is equality between the sexes here,so it wouldnt be surprising to see a woman take the first step.
It's mostly a blend of the latter two. The girls who only date in their own circles are pretty rare and not really worth dating. I've gotten on dates just by asking random girls out in the oddest of places.
It has been common to date online for two decades. Online stocking is a lot easier today.
But when is it OK to let them see your ankles? I wish you had answered this vexing question.
It is absolutely fine with doing anything you feel like to, but after all, it is about strategy to make the relationship more exciting. It is kind of human nature which is we like to chase what we do not have/ get.
As a Christian man I don't believe in sex before marriage because the Holy Bible says it's sin, and pleasing God is most important to me, of course pleasing my girlfriend is important to me too, but I wouldn't want to cause her to sin, so no sex before marriage is rule number one, I could lead her to Christ Jesus if she didn't know him, but it's usually better to date someone who already believes, for a date we could go to a fun place with dinner afterwards, or for a walk, roller skating, spending time together, whatever we want to do, but without sin. A date with a girlfriend can be a wonderful time without the pressure of falling into sin.
follow your own rules; everyone is different; religion, cultural, skin color, language barrier, all can come into play, etc.
I think all of these are almost the same in the U.S. While the woman may want to split the bill, or she may want to pay the bill, I feel like most men still feel the cultural pressure of not wanting to feel cheap, or wanting her to feel like he can take care of her.
I can see this as being less and less expected for future generations.
I enjoy watching this video even though I don't understand what you're talking about, but I'm sure it's good, greetings from me, official shohib
I think the 3rd date rule is reasonable. Who wants to waste time? Most people know within 20 minutes of meeting someone if they will fall in love. If a person, male or female, doesn't know for sure by the end of the second date, than just don't make the third date - move on to the next prospect, and let your date move on as well - otherwise, you are maybe just going on many dates to have your drinks and meals paid for.
It's quite the same thing in Germany compared to what you presented as unspoken dating rules.
The 4 days rule does not really exist in Germany, it's more of a 1-2 day rule, because you don't wanna come off as needy or clingy :)
How are things now over there? Any progression?
An amiable pretty woman with useful tips on dating! Thank you!
all in all, it's kinda a "interest game" in the end, playing hard to get, but not too much. cus if you seem too interested too fast, it might ruin it because then "it's not fun, there's no ressistance" from the other person. it's kinda silly, but for the most part, it's actually true. most people don't likes when it's too easy and if you or anyone can just have it, so keep it interesting, but not too much too fast.