Byron Katie - "Aggressives come for us, not to hurt us. To open us."
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- čas přidán 7. 05. 2017
- In this participant inquiry, Byron Katie asks a participant about their thoughts regarding another person.
Watch, "Who Would You Be Without Your Story?" now at www.consciouslife.com?.com&
"If someone is aggressive to me, it's because I really require it to hear"...wow, this is so true. Thank you.
A new perspective that involves no reactivity, but instead listening carefully and taking other people very, very seriously. I think someone capable of doing this with a completely open mind, is very unlikely to be involved in an abusive relationship for long. They would be without fear of abuse or leaving, honest with themselves about their true feelings, and honest with the potential abuser about his/her actions. Because of this they would have very clear boundaries.
Whenever I have stayed too long in unacceptable situations, where i have been treated badly, it was because I struggled to detach enough for insight, and I was too afraid of the repercussions of speaking my truth.
"Bad things" happens for us, not to us
Ego dreads that but this realisation is freedom
Byron Katie I hear you! I needed a very loud message so many times in order to begin questioning my thoughts and beliefs! 💚♥️ I now have a lovely relationship with my son and I have forgiven all those who hurt me. I truly wish the best for everyone whether we share the same opinions or not. Thank you 💚!
I could see recently someone doing the same things that they complained others had done to them ...and then I clearly saw that I needed to also find in me the things that I complained that others were doing/ had done.....humbling and grateful for it as it stops me in my tracks much sooner when the mind starts complaining..and the result is MORE PEACE... and the realisation that it needs to be an ongoing practice for greater and greater levels of peace
Her sense of humor gives a new perspecrive on things. Its wonderful. No humor is so exhausting to be around.
I actually think she means it, its no humor, its authencity
@@Viv8ldi They're mutually exclusive?
@@Viv8ldi some things are funny BECAUSE they're true. But I think you may be agreeing and more so commenting that she isn't making an attempt to be funny, she is just leaning into her authenticity and she is, well, authentically funny 😊
Thanks Madam Katie, for your teachings ! 👍🙏
Katie always makes me laugh, I guess reality is hilarious. I could definitely see how I needed the aggression I received in a certain occasion in order to actually see the person that was screaming in front of me.
This is great I was just telling my mom this. I have been following Byron Katie and she is THE BEST. I have done Landmarkworkwide which is also good but my family wouldn’t join me so it didn’t help. Thanks for putting your content on CZcams and making it accessible.
This is hilarious! I really love her!
Thanks for sharing!!
They come to shake you up/wake you up, from what your doing to yourself/others, without realising it.
That’s a beautiful man, beautiful human being
I wish this would’ve been a full length video.
You can watch the full workshop on Conscious Life :)
I really liked this! I also really love Byron Katie. 💙
I've also personally been really loving a lot of Sri Avinash myself at the moment. #SriAvinashMeditation
I have found Sri Avinash's Satsang videos have helped me immensely.
I love how she just rolls with it.
Moves me.
Only the title hits hard
IF SOMEBODY IS AGGRESSIVE TOWARDS ME WITH WORDS, NEXT MAY BE PHYSICAL AND THAT'S DANGERUS, IT'S OK TO GET THE HELL OUT.
Absolutely.
Byron wouldn't disagree with you, but it's not what she is talking about.
@@Dako108 Correct....I tune out a lot. Aggressives wake me up a bit. Annoying, but useful. And, try may be wrong. If so, correct them....!!
I don't know how
to change my life around...
I watch this video
and what arises in me
is overwhelm and stress.
my dream life feels
999-trillion universes away
from my reality:
- I have minimal work (I live in poverty)
- the place I rent is old-old and teeny-teeny tiny-tiny
- I have passions and talents that could make me rich, but...
- I'm single, have been my whole life, I die for true love
- fat and diabetic
- old now, no longer attractive
- no friends
- always a million-trillion stressful things to do...
Hello you, we have all we need regardless. We are what we think we are, either way we ate right. What ever you are doing have a great day🤗
There can fine the full video?
I agree with this....
So beautiful
Gosh he is handsome 😃
Where can I find the whole video?
But why would a child need to be opened by yelling?
this is so funny!
and then there's allowing yourself to be abused. This is where I hitch up on Byron Katie
@Tigris Montague For example. Your partner is putting the moves on you and you are tired and not in the move. You just don't want to be hassled for sex. You say, 'I really don't want to right now.' He says, "you are just an angry person.' Your first thought is...'what an asshole.' Then you start the 'questions.' Is it true? yes, can you be certain, 'no' turn it around.."I'm an asshole'. So, what begins as emotional abuse..evolves into self doubt, and puts more control into the hands of the emotional abuser. Self doubt is generated. It's a good method in certain circumstances, but more who come from emotional and verbal abuse already doubt their perceptions so much...this technique can actually do damage IMO
@@4444trs This was my thought exactly when I heard this. I'm open to hearing more from her on the topic, but as it stands in this clip feels like "I deserved to be yelled at and anyone criticizing me is right."
@@4444trs i know we arent getting the whole picture in your example, but you saying "what an asshole" is you actually being an angry person in that moment - a man could ask for sex and you could say you're not interested, and if you feel comfortable with your decision then even if he says " youre an angry person" after wards shouldnt be taken personally - unless you actually ARE attached in some way to that definition of yourself - this is where the self-reflection comes in - being comfortable asserting your decision, and also being caring about your OWN feelings would help ensure that you, and not anyone else, is responsible for the way you feel. Also, maybe it would be good to investigate why you believe that relationship serves you - if it didnt in some way, you wouldn't put up with that which you claim is abusive. Self reflection is always good.
@@trinievilkitty I don't put up with it anymore. Ever. And, when you are in a close intimate relationship, when things are said..THEY ARE PERSONAL. It is essential not to take things personally when it is from a stranger or something...of course. But if it is your partner...IT IS PERSONAL. I am just pointing out that this technique can generate self doubt in people who are actually being emotionally abused, which the abuser relies on. Hence, anyone using this needs to have enough self awareness to understand that there are emotionally manipulative people in life.....and the only correct response is to get away and have no self doubt about it. Period.
@@4444trs As important as the turnarounds are the first 3 questions (Is it true? Can I absolutely know that it is true? How I react when I believe that thought?), which are an experience in awareness. No one, including the one who's doing the process, can guess where the mind will go when answering those questions. You only think that because you are maybe doing this process using the intellect. The answers to the first two questions can be a yes, and you still can go through the whole thing.
this is awesome!
And hilarious :-)
The truth is always pretty friendly, isn't it? :)
Absolutely! And it's so much more than that...💜
💗
Would verbal aggression or abuse even matter if we didn't have the capacity to define it?
... does calling such behaviour out to an abusive partner take away from my own sense of self worth and make me the 'abuser' because of my act of defining the behaviour as 'inappropriate' in the context of, and for the purpose of, a long term harmonious relationship?
The way I look at it, If apartner is threatening to hit me or hurt me, I leave because I don't want to get hit. If I want to get hit I'd stay, but that's not really logical.
Aggressives cone not to harm us....unless they ACTUALLY harm us.
I didn't quite get it. Did she mean like it's a wake up call for us wen another person is aggressive towards us? Like question ourselves? N then do what?? Leave d situation? Or person or something else??
I had an aggressive ex husband and turned me off... So when Katie said this happens to OPEN US.....what does that mean? And why does it need to?? I cannot quite understand!
I think what Katie says applies only to the way you are thinking about it. For example, she wouldn't say someone who is violent to you should be allowed to continue. She would want you to question if they are doing it to you, or if you are doing it to you (by staying with them, or thinking you don't deserve more, etc). So when she says it opens us, she means turning the questions around opens us to what is in us. For me, I was very judgmental about my verbally aggressive ex partner. I took Katie's words to mean that, once I turned it around, I could see I was judgmental. And I was also capable of abuse...because I was abusing myself by doing his work for him, so to speak (self judgement, self criticism, etc). I was also abusing him by hiding my true feelings about his abuse towards me, so I wasn't being honest with him. I also didn't have a very high opinion of him, which meant I was lying when I said I loved him. None of this is a criticism, by the way. It is just 'reality'. You aren't supposed to feel a certain way about it or even fix it. You just have to realise it. Just seeing things as they really are is where the freedom lies. I hope I made sense. It's a bit complex but also really simple once you do it. Just try a worksheet and it should become clearer.
@@mst1740 Wow this makes a lot of sense! Thank you so much! Seeing things as they are is a little bit complicated because you tend to apply it in your next relationship. I guess accepting what happened to the ex and moving forward seeing what I could do to change my self perception and actions.
If I understand correctly, the abusive person you thought of as an s.o.b. was really an angel in disguise bc he taught you to wake up and love yourself. So, instead of being angry at him, his role was to be that teacher, until you quit allowing the abuse to happen to you. ???
@@donnawoodford6641 You didn't direct this to me... But um... An angel in disguise is certainly stretching it. In my case, I was dealing with a VERY dangerous person trained into evil since birth. He was NO angel in disguise or otherwise. I was able to grow from his abuse because of who I am, and the choices I make to grow from anything (good or bad) not because of who he is. Do I thank God for everything? Yes. Can God use everything for good for those who love him? Yes. Is my ex an angel... No...but is it for me to condemn or judge him? No way. That's up to God. Many new agers are positive that no evil exists, only confusion about who they really are. Maybe. But that confusion is so deep with some that their character is morphed into something that can only be called evil. Would I like for all confused souls to find the core of love and live in that truth? Absolutely yes. Is that possible realistically for everyone? Highly unlikely. Some people reach a point where they delight in evil, refuse accountability, and have zero desire to change. But my job isn't to change people who refuse it. My job is to receive God's love, and do my best to grow in his word, and to be a good example of being a changed/healthy part of creation. I love Byron Katie's process of "the work." It really helps me. Just don't use it to justify STAYING in toxicity. Learn from it and leave it behind in peace and grattitude.
I love The Work but don’t agree with her advice at all.