Neurotypical people always tell us that the ways our brains work and react to the world around us is “rude” but they never stop to think about how rude they are for trying to change who we fundamentally are.
Agree with you there. The winner was I was watching a financial help video on another channel and the guy was text box ADHD. which I stated. An NT had to tell me how it's just laziness and wanting to get out of things. I hate that mindset too
Literally, my neurotypical dad tells how I need to learn to change my mindset to his mindset ..all the time. He’s the type to not believe in mental disorders, mental health/illnesses now matter how much I try to explain my symptoms to him. I get the classic “just focus” and many more.
I get made fun of by (mostly older) people in my life for having a lot of anxiety around phone calls, especially for important things. I would vastly prefer to have an important conversation over text or messaging or email. The 3 biggest reasons for this are mentioned in this video: - Memory issues - I worry that I won't remember the important information, and I can't reference it later. - Verbal issues - my brain will put together a perfectly worded sentence and my mouth will forget what I was saying halfway through. - Auditory processing issues - there are only so many times I can say "what?" without causing intense frustration. These are things that I cannot just "get over." They are legitimate reasons that phone calls are objectively worse for my brain.
Omfg! Thats why phone calls terrify me!!!! U just gave me the answer i have been looking for. I get terrible anxiety, but couldnt really pinpoint why something as simple as a phone call would be so terrifying. Reading your list was an aha moment for me 🥲
I grew up with making phone calls before email and texting and I can’t stand phone calls either. I like being able to think about what I will write about in an email or text.
Me too. I very much prefer emails to phone calls!!! Although if I have to be on the phone, I make sure to have paper and pen close by to write down notes. Same thing for with skype or zoom calls as well.
What makes it worse these days (not for phone calls for me, but for social anxiety) are the people who say that everyone who struggles with those things are just babies who are only afraid because we couldn't socialize during COVD lockdowns, and that's what caused the anxiety. Although I don't usually have much social anxiety anymore, I had it really badly years before COVID.
My entire life, no matter how hard I try to change it, I dont get sleepy until 2am and im not fully awake until 10am. Did not realize that this might be an adhd thing. Actually explains a lot 😂
Right? I have ALWAYS been a night person. I've often described it as being on Australian time, except I live in the US. And it's SO severe for me that I just began working overnights, that way I could operate on the schedule that my body naturally WANTED to be on. But I had no idea it was an ND thing. Holy crap, that explains so much
That’s my most natural sleeping time. It’s been that way since I was a little kid and it takes constant, severe, sustained effort to have even a slightly different schedule.
I'm definitely the same way and have been my entire life. I work a desk job at home M-Th from 7am to 5:30PM. It's so hard to go to bed at a reasonable time so I usually don't. Then I'm tired all day. I just feel like I get my 2nd wind around 9pm and then I'm not tired until at least after midnight. And that's if I remember to take my trazadone. At least I know it's not just me and it's not because I'm bad at life.
It's a torture for me to wake up in the morning, people just don't underdtand and keep giving useless advice like "go to bed earlier". How do I do that? My body does not work that way.
I'm going for my ADHD evaluation on Tuesday. I JUST found out about the daytime sleepiness yesterday, after researching ADHD for YEARS. When I tell you I was shocked to find out so many others struggle with excessive daytime sleepiness. I seriously thought it was just a me thing.
It is same for me, I'm sleepy till 7pm and then when it is bedtime I cant even close my eyes and shut my brain. I tried to stop drinking coffe but it got even worse. I also tried not to force to sleep and got up all night, but it didn't make me sleepy next night :/
As an autistic person and as a teacher, I'm trying so hard to get other educators to understand that no, restraint collapse actually IS something we need to be addressing at school because it means the kid is actually not "doing just fine" at school
To be honest it seems like this is one of those things that is fundamentally at odds with the entire school system as it is currently structured. I think we're going to have to get more radical if we want to address this stuff because restraint kind of just IS necessary in the current system based on how big classes are and how strictly students have to progress through the "years" of content. Until we change stuff like that I really don't see how we'll be able to address stuff like this.
@@IshtarNike As a former educator who has worked with and taught middle school through college, I agree that the fundamental structural design of most academic systems exists in opposition to what we know about learning and how to best support it. Big systemic changes are needed to address the underlying issues... and it's unlikely to happen without society also making big systemic changes as well.
ADHD therapist here. I took a training called something like “being neurodivergent in a neurotypical world” which really helped tease out the apparent conflict between alleviating the “symptoms” of neurodivergence and recognizing that our brains aren’t broken and don’t need fixing - it’s just hard for us to function in systems that expect neurotypical behavior and punish anything different. I think it’s useful to examine the language we use around symptoms vs criteria and consider how medicalized language can feel invalidating. Really glad more clinicians are sharing this info from a place of lived experience and empathy instead of just treatment for a disorder
yes I think we need to think about how we label ourselves. I've had many an argument about the disability label. I don't view myself as having a disability because I think that implies something is wrong with me. There's nothing wrong with me. I just think differently due to genetics. To say something is wrong with ADHD thinking is like saying blonde hair or brown eyes are wrong. ADHD is just a different genetic expression of how our brains work and there's nothing wrong with that.
@@dragonstooth4223i consider myself as disabled because I struggle to do what I want to do even when allowed complete freedom and to mold my environment to my needs. Even when I'm in complete control and not in a neurotypical world, I struggle. My disability is not social. It's innate to my loved experience.
@@GreenGorgeousness personally I think the word disability holds us back. Its a mentality we can get comfortable in because it invokes a specific reaction in others. I just want to be treated like a person and some things I find more challenging than others. We all have something we find challenging, even NTs. We might just have a few more challenges. To me, labeling them as disabilities is like throwing up your hands and just accepting that's all it will ever be. I've learned a lot of what would be labelled as a disability by others is actually my greatest strengths. I've also learned to work with my so called disabilities rather than against them. its the mentality of forever seeing yourself as broken beyond repair versus I might have extra challenges in life but they won't stop me. Not everyone is good at sports, not everyone is a maths genuis, not everyone is tall or short ... none of that holds back NTs. Why think anything that is your ADHD holds you back? (coming from an ND with mouth filter issues, time management issues, executive function issues, social issues and a whole host of sensory issues ... who is an engineer with two degrees, a family with a kid, a mortgage and no debt ... it can be done)
@@dragonstooth4223 I view disability differently but that's probably because I also have a physical disability and use a wheelchair. So for me, I have no problem using the word disability because there are a lot of things I physically can't do on my own, I don't have the ability to do them, hence disability. But when it comes to my ADHD, as much as I struggle with it at times, I've never viewed it as a disability. Though I know others who struggle with theirs much more than I do and whatever label they want to use for them is fine.
@@dragonstooth4223 The word disability does not mean there is something wrong with anyone. The word disability mostly describes how much trouble you have functioning in a society that does not accommodate you. Someone in a wheelchair has way more trouble functioning because there aren't enough easily accessible ramps available. Not because they are in a wheelchair, the wheelchair helps them get around. Several people with a variety of disabilities have zero trouble functioning at home, because their home has all the things they need to function. The rest of world has nothing for them, so they can't function as well.
Justice Sensitivity is one of the more obscure ways my ADHD has manifested. Being very keen to pick up on hypocrisy and easily upset at being misrepresented.
@@amyoneelse Essentially, when something "unfair" happens, or there's some form of rejection that would be considered serious (ex: losing a best friend, being cast out by a group of people, reputation being maligned, being assigned labels that are negative that may be unfair), it doesn't just bother me like it would bother most people. It causes an increasingly debilitating mental spiral that lowers productivity greatly (constantly thinking about the injustice, considering ways to either repair things, get justice, or get revenge). Usually, because the triggers are not easily solved, it becomes easier to create a victim mentality which either causes self-superiority (ex: those people are completely wrong and they deserve to be canceled for what they did) or self-sabotage (ex: they're right, I am a terrible person and don't deserve success).
“Sleep revenge” seems like an attempt to ignore that everyone needs time to play - not just to honor an “inner child,” but to creatively express themselves and learn more effectively.
I'm watching this, crying, because I've struggled with a ton of undiagnosed ADHD symptoms my entire life. I still don't have a formal diagnosis. It is still difficult to find doctors who take this seriously- especially if you're good at masking. I function, but I am miserable.
doctors have to be very careful about diagnostics unfortunately. either they don't take you seriously, or they don't want to risk getting their license revoked if they're questioned on their diagnosis and you happen to have great grades for example, it's on them to justify their reasoning and if they can't give a good reason, it falls on them and risks their livelihood. mental health care is also so expensive, and I used to be so against self-diagnosis until I realized how difficult it is to get a formal diagnosis. you are so valid and I see you. wishing you the best 💜
the speech disorder is one of the most frustrating for me. i tend to pause alot while talking because i have a ton of trouble figuring out the right words for what i want to say, and nobody has the patience to wait for me to finish what im saying. and then when i notice it happening i get embarrassed and start panicking which makes talking even harder, and in rare instances impossible for me. even my closest friends will get impatient and stop listening when this happens, and it feels very isolating
I do this too! I am actually a speech therapist and I often forget what I was going to say because my mind has gone on to another topic. My son or husband will have to remind me to finish the sentence. There really is no speech therapy for this issue. It is actually more of a working memory and attention issue.
These are all things that I’ve struggled with my whole life. As children, we often absorb a lot of shame for these behaviors - we don’t know why we’re sensitive to noise, or why we shut down after school. It’s healing as an adult to know that it wasn’t because you were a “bad kid” that you did these things - you’re just different and have different needs than a neurotypical person.
ADHD is rough, and at age 37, I am just starting to learn to speak up for my specific needs and not to be ashamed. I have tried to be “normal” for most of my life and it did not work out well for me at all! I appreciate these videos so much. I literally had no idea why I was so sensitive to sounds, why my memory shuts off, and why I can’t get the right words out of my brain sometimes. This is so helpful! I am excited to learn more and embrace my specific needs and learn what I need to be my best self 😊
I don’t think I have ADHD, but I’ve always had a sensory processing disorder. And even that on its own can be so debilitating. I never forgot being chased around and sent to the “principal” at my preschool because my sensory meltdowns interfered with my wearing clothes and shoes properly. Now it’s mostly auditory - I’m afraid of seeming rude when I just can’t be around people or can’t process what someone is saying because of background noise. Sometimes I go into a panic and have to just cover my ears with my hands as a full grown adult. Sometimes my clothes are too itchy and I’m exhausted and I just want to melt away at work. I’m so glad I can actually make it through each day and collapse when I get home. To have sensory differences and executive dysfunction sounds incredibly challenging
I could be pretty fresh to my parents after school. They always asked why I was so polite to other adults but rude to them, and never stopped to consider that they were also yelling/taking rude tones with me that they would never use to anyone else. They seriously expected a known AuDHD CHILD to have more self-control in that situation than they did as adults.
I have adhd but whats interesting is I don't have any sensory issues or overload whatsoever like loud noises dont freak me out or i dont overeact or become heavily affected by humiliation or criticism or rejection i might get annoyed or angry. or dissapointed when rejected but its short lived i move on like its nothing i realise its not a me problem its the other persons problem and continue. It makes me wonder if I have psychopathy aswell since both conditions go hand in hand together but i do tend to overthink for a long time about situations where I did not give any closure to that's adhd trait but I have no intentions in giving closure ever that's psychopathic I also don't have any suicide thoughts nor desires to commit suicide also psychopathic
I really don't know if I shut down after school. I was a latchkey kid and not allowed to either leave the yard or let other kids come to my house or yard. I basically had hours every day to myself, so likely I could 'decompress' at my own rate and leisure with no one to observe or find fault. I can only guess at this, though. I will say, I enjoy solitude. I'm retired now, but when I was working, I liked to take several hours in the morning to work up to going into the job. I always tried to live within walking distance to work, so a good 2 to 2-1/2 hours in the morning for a gentle restart was perfect. Even if I couldn't sleep the night before or my sleep was cut short.
I couldn’t have balloons at my party. I would get irritable and overwhelmed. Getting diagnosed when you’re are a grown adult is almost a religious experience. It becomes such a revelation for unpacking your life and the things you’ve never been able to completely compensate for.
I was *scared* of balloons as a kid. There was a common tradition growing up where all the kids would pop every balloon at the end of the party, and I would beg my mom to leave early so I didn't have to be around it.
@@thais_cdmwe had the same terrible tradition in kindergarten! I have a clear memory of myself at my birthday throwing needles at the balloon from a distance with one hand while plugging my ear with the other hand. After a few attempts my teacher popped it for me 🤦🏻♀️
I was scared of balloons popping as a kid, and still don’t like it. I was also creeped out when a helium filled one started sinking and getting wrinkly.
Thank you for this. I realized I am neurodivergent 6 months before my 71st birthday. So much makes so much more sense. I have had to cut myself off from all my family in order to begin to heal. But I am hopeful, independent and learning to love myself despite being so annoying for 70 years. Not masking is terrifying but so much less exhausting.
62 and you just answered my question of “is it worth getting a dx at this age?”, so thank you and I’m sorry about your family. Hope you have or can find friends who understand you, who appreciate your unique gifts, and who you can just have fun with. Wishing you well x
I’m so sorry it took 70 years for you to understand yourself! I got diagnosed at 50 late diagnosis is a gift but can come with grief also, your a warrior, unmask like a king you deserve it and owe it to yourself, sending love ❤️
OH MY GOODNESS! I'm 58, got diagnosed with AHDH around 43, and after years and years of research, going down rabbit holes on Google, you have just answered 2 questions. 1st one is my speech. I can't explain things, I don't speak fluently, I lose words, and my brain can't keep up with my thoughts. I find it hard to make friends because people think I'm backwards. I avoid confrontations because I'm the easiest person in the world to win an argument with, whether I'm right or wrong. When I try and stick up for myself I look like a fool and get laughed at. I've researched so many speech problems and haven't been able to find one that I could say "aha that's me", until now. The second is my insomnia. I toss and turn every night for hours. I've tried CZcams sleep hypnosis, melatonin etc. but just can't fall asleep. However I have no problem whatsoever falling straight to sleep in the morning after I have gotten my son ready to school, made his lunch and walked the dog. My head hits the pillow and I'm out. I feel so guilty and have tried to force myself to stay awake, and as tired as I get, I still can't fall asleep at night. Thank you so much for giving me answers.
Oh my gosh! You are my person! You described what i go through to a tee, right down to getting my son off to school and going back to bed! P.s. I will also be 58 in November.
Yes I also have trouble explaining things. I sound like an idiot, stupid. I can't get my thoughts together and my words. Lol I also have trouble falling asleep alot of the time. It's a problem.
I've always had trouble falling asleep in a reasonable amount of time. I tried all the "natural" methods - no blue light an hour before bed, doing calming things like meditating or reading (problem with reading is it's either too boring to hold my interest or too interesting and I end up staying up all night reading), sleep sounds, pitch black room, melatonin, bedtime tea, the gamut of options. It would still take me 1-3 hours to fall asleep once I clicked the light off to sleep. But then in the morning I can wake up and just immediately go back to sleep over and over again for hours! It's addicting sleeping in because it's so easy. I was at the point where I was taking unisom every night, but my pharmacist said it contributes to dry mouth (and I was getting the Adderall dry mouth too) so he recommended Magnesium Citrate. It's a powder you mix into water. It does actually seem to help. It doesn't knock me out or make me sleepy, instead it kinda... Turns down the static volume I have in my head all the time which does help me fall asleep faster. Not a miracle worker, but pretty good.
I am a teacher and I had been researching ADHD to help my students when I discovered I fit in the neurodiverse population but had been masking my whole life. Diagnosed and trying to help my students still. Want to have knitting or crochet in class? Fine, I do the same during staff meetings. I still come home and cocoon because I have masked so much but at least my students have freedom in my classroom.
thank you for this, honestly. i am going through my second job education at the moment and i cannot tell you, how much more alert i am during class because i can knit, crochet, or journal. in 'school' school i got fucked over for reading under the desk when i was finished with a task or similar things, and i know now that my freedom is resting on my good grades, but openly allowing ways to have an activity to play pingpong with my brain would be wonderful. keep being compassionate with your students and i think you will impact many lives for the better :)
I told one of my seniors the other day at work about my ADHD (I'm trying to be more open about it) and he came out and said he thinks he's ADHD too. Its amazing how many people are around us struggling with hiding who they really are because of having to mask to fit in. I dream of a world where I don't have to mask at all. That my weirdness is embraced and celebrated. one day ...
Just like, as an FYI... and I understand that you probably got the terms confused (it's easy to do), but everyone fits in the neurodiverse population. That's what neurodiversity is: a plethora of different bodyminds (including neurotypicals). I think maybe you meant to say "neurodivergent population"? Also: a huge portion, if not most, people fit within the neurodivergent population (which includes Tourette's, PTSD, TBI, Bipolar, Borderline, NPD, Epilepsy, Parkinson's... *everything* brain/nerve-related that's not considered "normal"). Glad to see you going above and beyond in supporting your students! Way to go!
OMG the sleep one. My mother hated that I "slept in late" and stayed up late. I just can't get my brain to shut off before at least 1 am. I hate that it's considered a "disorder" though 😒
My mom did too which really frustrates me now especially since I didn't discover my ADHDness until I became an adult. I really got frustrated once I figured out she either had ADHD &/or autism because it would have explained SO much about her behaviours.
I am 100% sure this is a survival mechanism from early societies to have some nightshift watch outs that actually are alert. A helpfull divergency that made us all survive but now gets punished.
I’ve always thought that it’s logically natural for a group of humans, that some would sleep early and some would sleep late. Then, the group would have some alert members at all times, to protect from predators. Only with modern systems of economic production, humans have been creating rigid systems to dictate sleep times and wake times. I blame the corporate overlords who deprive me of my natural sleep cycle.
I think a really big misconception about adhd is that we have a deficit of attention or short attention span when really it's an inability to control our attention. Like i can hyperfocus when im off my meds i just dont choose what that focus is aimed towards. And that focus is based on how much dopamine the activity provides, more dopamine = more attention. Edit: just got to the part where you talk about this lol
yeah it is NOT common to even hear therps and psychs talk about attention and hyperfixation just maybe not on the tasks we are supposed to be doing. if it is boring, i struggle STRUGGLE even in the first 30s, like my brain is about to implode. keeping on it for HOURS is excruciating, and my mind zings in a thousand different places, probably in a desperate search for dopamine and to keep me from flatlining.
I wanted to share this story about my autistic Granddaughter, in hopes that it can help some others, I know this is about ADHD but I even feel it helps for that as well. A couple years ago, I realized that some pretty horrible things were happening in our world. I started doing a lot of research & I came across some pretty horrific things happening,( especially to children ) I started putting on the 432 MHz music to keep me grounded and little did I know that particular number had a profound effect on my GD. One day while I was researching, she was playing in my room and came out into the living room stimming... When she hit the living room (which could have started sooner but that is when I could see her of course) I watched her go into almost a forced slow-motion stim and then just like that she stopped and sat down ( this was probably less than a min or 2) on the couch soon after she was fast asleep. Although I had no idea it was the music I did take a mental note of what was going on around us at the time. The next week when she was visiting again she started to stim & the thought of the last time she was stimming by me came into my mind it was like the music, I turned the 432 MHz music back on & instantly she stopped stimming, and went back to my room to play. After several more times testing this and also putting it on at bedtime for her ( helps her sleep so much better) I have come to the conclusion that it IS the 432mhz music that IS calming her. We tried the other numbers they don't do the same thing for her. She now will put that music on herself when it's time for bed & tells me it does make her feel better. She is aware that she is on the spectrum she also has ADHD along with audio-sensory issues. I am aware that everyone reacts differently to things but if this can help just 1 other person It was worth my time to try to get it out in written form ( which I suck at!)
This explains why music and art and bright colors have always been a part of my world! I find it all so beautiful and peaceful! Keeps my attention and calms me down! Just the other day at work we had a thief I had to chase out the store! He had my adrenaline pumping! Just ringing up customers (I’m a retail cashier) and giving my best customer service wasn’t helping me calm down! I found a sewing measuring tape that had split open and fallen apart into piece, and decided to fix it! Two sproings and 2 hours later I had finally fixed it! I was so proud of myself for completing a difficult task! I also noticed that I had calmed down a whole lot! These are my stimming moments! I always have to be doing something to keep from getting bored or getting overstimulated throughout the day! And I also I have to snack on something at work! 😂
You’re the first person in a long time I haven’t had to use the 1.5X or 2X speed! That’s funny how much faster our brains are with certain things. I can’t believe people complain about you talking to fast! That’s hilarious to me! Great video!
ha haaaaa i was doing this with a work training. it's boring and. so the fast speed makes me stay awake - challenge is to catch everything at the fastest speed possible. THEN i hit another module, 2 HOURS long, the longest one, and they removed the option. i was enraged. everything was like a tar pit, so slow after that. plus it meant i couldn't shave time off of the task.
I love how fast she talks! I kept up perfectly. I didn’t even think about the pace until she brought it up and then I was like, shit I guess she is talking kinda fast huh. If my brain had its own mouth that’s how fast it would talk all the time! 😂
"Wow, she talks really fast ... in comparison to other therapy CZcams people. Maybe I can pay attention to this video." (Mind wanders off anyways, even if only briefly.) 😅 You may enjoy listening to Dan of The Aspie World -- He has ADHD, Aspergers/Autism, Dyslexia, and OCD. He talks super fast, so a seven minute video feels like 15 minutes of information.
Oh yes, I absolutely can't keep up. The words are flowing into one another. Super fast for me. I don't have the amount of energy required to listen at that speed. It not a criticism of the speaker, it's an observation of myself.
The bit about parents asking "if you're so good at school then why aren't you good for me?" made me shout and pause the video to process. I was diagnosed a year and a half ago at age 28 and now I have another thing about my childhood to unpack.
The best way I’ve heard someone explain working memory for people with ADHD is as follows: everyone has a chalkboard in their head, and when they’re working on something they are taking notes on that board. But my handwriting (as someone with ADHD) is bigger than most people’s, so I have to erase information from my chalkboard more often to continue taking notes.
I love this! (And I obsessively take actual notes constantly to try to manage my working memory… Besides not forgetting things, it helps me stay present in a conversation or meeting when I don’t have to worry about what I’m forgetting.)
I really really struggle with the bored to sleep issue. I’ll be in meetings and nodding off and then when I try to go to sleep just soon after my brain won’t shut down. It’s such a struggle to try and stay engaged when the topic of the meeting is inherently boring.
I unfortunately get a dose of this when I'm commuting for 90 minutes everyday. I'll be so drowsy I'll be hallucinating about my pillow, but the second I get home I'm wide awake and can't go to bed...
I’ve struggled with this my whole life. My best friend calls me falling asleep is my superpower but to me its also a curse often. Especially in situations like church, class, meetings, work training even. Places where I’m supposed to sit silently and pay attention and absorb information. If im not 100% engaged I start to doze off, even if I just finished one of the XL monsters. People always find it rude or disrespectful (Wihch is understandable) but it’s frustrating for me because I’m genuinely trying to pay attention and I feel like the sleep is happening at me. Then If I try to find something else to do to occupy my mind I get called out for not paying attention fully.
Agreed! I’ve found that colouring helps me stay awake and focused on what’s being said. If the person talking can cope with that it works a treat :) invest in a good set of colouring pens though!
@@midnight_yota I was regularly falling asleep in lectures, wonder what my professors thought of me... Once I even fell asleep during a test. Woke up some minutes later, finished the test, aced it.
I never knew what was wrong with me my whole life…I had trouble with life , at 63 I get a different psychiatrist, and right a way he asked how was my ADHD being treated? I went silent…and this awesome doctor walked me through this journey and prescribed me medication and my life slowly changed. I was devastated that my whole life could have been so much different if i would been diagnosed. Back in the 60’s they were barely diagnosing boys!
Where do you find friends, I’ve been caring for family constantly since 2016. I don’t want pity, I did what I felt was right, but it’s over and I stay home all the time, the people I did know, I feel bad because they got a over active version. I’m just given up
If I’m hanging out with friends and they want to play a game that they try to read me instructions for (usually reading too fast and with lots of mumbling because THEY already know how to play), I always end up telling them I’ll watch them play a round first because if they read the instructions aloud it’s useless and just frustrates and embarrasses me. And I feel too much pressure to learn fast if I read them myself. I love playing games like Apples to Apples and What Do You Meme because the rules are essentially the same for all of that kind of game.
I haven't been diagnosed or anything, but the "falling asleep during something boring"... I used to draw in class and still got amazing grades. If a teacher told me to stop, I wouldn't, and they would let me continue because I got good grades, so clearly it wasn't affecting me (and maybe!? Helping me!?) I know a lot of people who got in trouble for that, so I'm glad I got lucky with cool and understanding teachers. Even in my adult life, I've moved to Germany and had to take to German classes, and I'm still drawing during those. It helps keep me grounded and to stop from daydreaming.
Same. I'd draw very detailed tiny things. Another student got in trouble for drawing and said well she can. He addressed me asking what he said. I looked up and repeated everything verbatim. He asked her if she could do that. She said no. He said thats why she can. Drawing helps a lot with the concentration. Glad you had cool teachers as well.
When I was in college, I would doodle while the lecture was being given…I apparently pissed my instructor off with how I am …her assuming I wasn’t paying attention….in front of the entire class she started talking mad crap about those students nobody likes and are a waste of everyone’s time….I continued to doodle because I had to in order to let my brain continue to absorb what she was saying but since I didn’t make eye contact I wasn’t paying attention and being disrespectful…lol…I said nothing until our grade came back and I had a 100% and finished the exam over her lecture first out of 20 some odd students…as I was leaving class passing her desk, I smiled and said guess I really was paying attention wasn’t I and I don’t care if “nobody likes me” cuz I don’t like them either but for good reasons unlike theirs and left…she realized early on that I’m not like the rest of the students cuz I still hold some of the highest scores even today my scores haven’t been beat at the college in my town…and they all assumed I was stupid 😂
There is also a sleep-phase shift the other way for some people. I was misdiagnosed for quite a while, and part of it was that no one thought i could be neurodivergent if i cane wake up at 6:00 every morning without an alarm clock. It also caused me to miss out on a lot of social activities because i was just too tired, and people pegged me as being "too uptight" and "unsocial" because i was tired and needed to be IN BED at 10pm
I feel you, if I have slept in I wake up at 6:30. I can easily wake up at 4am and get the things done and then be exhausted at 9am because I haven't stopped. For me a late night is going to bed later than 9:30pm. I guess that I am lucky that I haven't ever liked drinking/clubbing etc.
I shifted to this through my fifties. I used to be able to go to bed at 4 a.m. and then sleep for 7 hours. Now I wake at 5 a.m. regardless and can get myself to "sleep-in" till about 6:30 a.m. so that means I've had to learn to get myself to bed by 11 p.m.
@@HobbitBroad it can be tricky if other people are up and about in the house. I learned to sleep with a radio on because my brothers (and later, my partner) keep me up if I have silence. Eye shades can also help in the summer then people are really active in the evenings outside of the window and stuff. I know some people who wear ear plugs but my neurodivergent ass can't deal with that.
When I worked retail, I had a hard time with neurotypicals, who wanted to be promoted but weren't good leaders, who didn't realize that interrupting me from my work really throws me off on staying focused and on task. Fortunately, I had a supervisor who had ND kids, and when I finally clearly stated my issues and what I needed, in order to be successful, she supported me, and I was the best member of the team. I just needed to be in a reasonable setting, for what works for me. I went from constantly failing to being on top of my game almost instantly because I was dealing with someone who understood ADHD, anxiety, etc. who got that I had some measure of coping skills.
I tried working in a corporate setting and lasted 3 years. This was before I was diagnosed. I was criticized for my behaviors and got no real recognition for the work I did. My replacement came in with less experience than myself and was trained by me to do what took me 3 years to develop. In the end they forced me to leave because I was taking too long to find another job. I ended up back working with my father. They actually tried to have me come in as a consultant for the work I used to do because no one could do what I had been doing for them. I declined because I needed to focus on the job with my father. Now I own my father's company and I work with people who do not have a problem with my behaviors and appreciate the work I do.
I was not aware there was a separate diagnosis auditory processing disorder. I always told people I have auditory dyslexia. Almost daily I have to tell my companion that if she needs me to do something tomorrow she has to send it as a text to my phone or I will forget about by the time I go to bed.
I want diagnosed until 38. And honestly, it was people talking about it on tiktok that finally made me think, "huh, maybe I should ask my doctor about this". I did, and her reaction was basically, "oh honey, and you're just now bringing this up?". She got me a psych referral and 20min later she was prescribing me meds to help. In her notes that I read later, she described me "Aloof.Alert.Anxious" which is my own personal Live Laugh Love now.
Similar here. Been thinking about it for years....found old texts and messages where I was talking about it....then I was diagnosed a week before I turned 40
As a teacher with ADHD, I assumed that I could easily adapt my classes and expectations to be neurodivergent-friendly. However, it's been painful to see that the things that would have made school easier for me don't necessarily help my students. I also struggle with (what I perceive to be) the impulse control behavior problems. I don't want to constantly be getting the same kids in trouble, but when they can't self-regulate and disrupt class for everyone else or put themselves or others in danger, the only recourse I have is to send them to the office or write a referral. I know one or two kids can't take priority over the rest of the class, but I also want them to have the outlets they need so they don't act out in ways that negatively affect others.
Yep. Sadly this is an issue with the entire system of school. I don't think we can address these problems with accommodations because they undermine the entire system of discipline and structure required for school to function as it was intended. We've accepted that many institutions weren't designed with neurodiversity in mind. I think we're going to have to take that further and understand that there's only so much you can do to change something that was never intended to accommodate us in the first place. You'll never make a table into a good shovel and vice versa. Not without totally deconstructing it to the point of it not being able to do it's original function anymore. To accommodate all the different needs of neurodivergent kids we have to accept that mainstream school needs to be totally revolutionised from the ground up. I mean so different you wouldn't recognise it as school. Or we need to go back to having separate institutions. There's no inbetween at the moment. Not if we want to continue using the same metrics of success like test scores and graduation rates. All of which are natural products of the current system.
Since I’m not familiar with what can be put into place with IEPs in the classroom: is it too disrupting to the classroom to put something into place along the lines of (insert name) can stand up quietly in the back of the classroom within eyesight every x minutes? Because I honestly couldn’t care less if it’s not disrupting if another child asks well why can’t I get that too? It’s an opportunity to say well different people have different needs and focus on what you need to do to be successful in school. I really wish I could advocate for my former self who was put in a box by my school psychologist who didn’t understand why I needed a 504 plan when I was getting straight As, 5th in my class in an IB program my junior year in high school. I had to explain to this incompetent person the price I paid for my good grades.
I have this struggle running a business. It’s really weird to be on both sides. Dealing with my own issues makes me try harder to make my workplace more accommodating, but there are limits to how accommodating I can be. One example-The business opens at 9. I have my own problems with mornings, and every damn day I struggle with this so I have a lot of empathy. I have proven a million times over that I am not lazy or unmotivated, so anyone who suggests that is just…nope. I still need my other ND employees to also be on time. When they aren’t it negatively impacts everyone. Or staying on necessary medications…I get all the problems of remembering deadlines, making calls or appointments, ordering and picking up, and then remembering to take them….not doing this severely impacts your ability to function at work. Again, I’m on both sides of the nuance of why it’s so hard. But if someone can’t do their job because they’re not taking their meds, that can’t be a good excuse do not do your job. It’s totally unfair to all the people around you. I struggle as a boss around being empathetic and accommodating while also making sure that people understand that it is a job, and you do have to be able to do the work at the end of the day. These are important conversations, because like you said- what you thought would be helpful to others didn’t work like you thought it would. If someone asks me for an accommodation and I can do it, the no problem. But sometimes accommodations actually can’t be made. Like you can’t ask to come it at 10, because we open at 9. Who is going to cover for you for one hour? Not just once, but for forever…Because that is what you are asking is for someone else to be responsible for your work during that time (while they are also doing their own). I don’t know if that’s the best example, but it’s a real conversation I’ve had. Also, other employees have their own stuff going on. They are often willing to help in a pinch but not endlessly. So on the surface the ask can sound reasonable but you have to consider how it impacts everyone on the team (or class in your case). I’ve felt very challenged to manage my own conditions, be empathetic and accommodating, AND meet the needs of my customers and business. My thoughts on what accommodating means for both parties have evolved over time. It’s also made me consider my own abilities and responsibility for figuring things out for myself. It’s frequently messy and unclear. Sometimes I take too much responsibility and eventually someone is like’ why didn’t you just ask for help?’. I love, love, love that we are even having this conversation….30 years ago it wasn’t like this. I’m a hot mess, but frankly so is like every 3rd person I know, so I hope everyone here can give yourself and everyone around us a little grace!❤
@@embr9723honestly this is so weird, why can't ND people choose a shift within your business that better aligns with their needs? If 9 to 5 is the only available shift, YOU as the business owner have not created an environment conducive to having ADHD employees, period. And if there is, suggest they switch to that shift or corrective action be taken. As you know since you claim to be ND, your ND employees don't need to be infantilized, they need to be accommodated and your inability to accommodate is not their failure or an excuse to whinge about how you wish they'd just come in on time
@@eveemcghee4454 I hear you. It’s not weird at all. I have a 9-5 business, so the hours are nine to five. If someone comes in at a later time, someone else has to be there when that person isn’t there- this is an example when trying to be accommodating hasn’t worked well. The reality is that I can’t meet every accommodation- it may just not be a good fit for some. It’s a small business, so extending the hours doesn’t work for me- I am also a human with needs, one of which is not woking longer hours to accommodate another person. I’d personally love the hours to be like11-7, but that’s not the business that I’m in. This is a choice made after multiple attempts over time.To say my business isn’t really accommodating based on that alone also is not correct. It’s more true to say that I can’t accommodate every need. Right now 2/3 of my staff are diagnosed NDs. We do a lot of accommodating, and mostly it makes it a great team because we know each other’s specific needs well. My point is that I can’t meet all needs and still run my service based business. I hate it, but it’s true. Sometimes it really isn’t fair to ask everyone around to move the world for you- I would know, I was a terrible employee for a long time. People who don’t get being ND see my progress as finally ‘getting motivated’ but I know that not true. I stacked many little things that (mostly) worked for me- habits, medication, systems for dealing with stuff and people. By no means have I solved my issues. I just accepted that it was ok to do it messy. As an owner I have a different perspective now- people often don’t understand how their actions affect everyone around them (that’s true for everyone, not just ND’s). One of the biggest successes in my life is finally realizing that I can make my own space. That doesn’t mean that it’s a good fit for everyone! The key takeaway of the being on time example is the negative impact it has on the other staff. I’ve learned that considering that is equally important. Sometimes I can’t know the impact until we try- unforeseen consequences and all. The staff I have are great and we communicate a lot, frequently imperfectly, but we know it’s a safe space for all of us. I mainly just want to affirm the post I responded to with the teacher who was also trying to build better spaces in her classroom while addressing the needs of ALL the kids. I’m betting that the work she’s done is absolutely helping some of them! We try, sometimes it works, sometimes not. It’s ok for it not to be perfect all the time, and again- just so grateful the discussion is occurring at all.
My daughter does that. It's hard not to take it personally. We both have ADD. I was masking even at home as a child. Not that I expect her to do the same. I am glad to know that she feels safe enough to unmask at home.
yep. I had this restraint collapse happen to me once in public while we were out shopping. My then 3 years old son had an episode in a bookshop because I did not recognise his symptoms. So I had to hug him tight and hide away in a corner of the shop until he had calmed down. It took about 30 minutes. Once he was calm again, we both walked out of the book shop and went straight home. I never made that mistake again. If he ever started getting cranky then it was time to go home!!
@@janedoex1398 The Psychiatrists in their thousand dollar Armani suits had me diagnosed as bipolar from the 1980s to the 2000s when a community health guy in jeans and a polo shirt said, "You aren't bipolar. You've never been bipolar. You're autistic, here's why ..." Then when I told family, told friends, the pretty much universal response was, "Well, that would explain why the bipolar treatments weren't doing much of anything, and, ya know, it would explain that ... and that ... and that ... and that ..."
You really got me with the vocal stims/mimicking accents. I suspect I have echolalia because whenever I’m watching a show and I hear a word or name that sounds nice I repeat it over and over which tends to annoy people if I’m in company. Sometimes I feel especially embarrassed because I might mimic accents (the way someone says a certain word with a foreign accent, for example) without intending for it to sound offensive, but it comes off as such. I just have a massive interest in languages and linguistics and it’s hard to explain that I just like how the specific word/accent/way the person said it tickles my dopamine receptors without sounding like an ignorant ass. It’s like I have a physical compulsion to repeat the word and if I don’t I get fidgety and anxious.
Lol.. I'm actually relieved to know that I'm not the only one who experiences this little quirk.. I am immensely fascinated and obsessed with accents, and I get wayyyy too excited when I meet someone in person that has one.. most of them get a kick outta my excitement, but there have been some who thought I was a mega weirdo.. I have been a natural accent mimic and translator all my life though, so I'm pretty used to people thinking I'm weird, strange or eccentric.. now I just own that it's just a quirky aspect of who I am, and whoever doesn't like it, well that's a personal problem on their end and isn't really something I should concern myself with.. tryna fit into society's expectations of who and how I should be, has only ever caused more problems and struggles for me, so I'm extremely grateful that I was blessed to finally reach a point where I could just allow myself to be who I am authentically, and let go of caring what everyone else thinks or believes about who it is I am supposed to be.. I'm not typical or normal, and that's just a part of what makes me uniquely stand out from the crowd.. why fit in when I was made to stand out?!😊❤😂😇🥰🤗😉💯😜😎🌟🌈
My dad does this (most likely autistic) and it's very overwhelming for me bc of my own autism to deal with the sudden noise, but I do the same now occasionally so I understand it a bit better
I was diagnosed with ADHD at 33, and I haven't had much time to research it beyond the commonly discussed symptoms and behaviours. Separately, I was also diagnosed with idiopathic hypersomnia ('narcolepsy light,' as my doctor put it). I've always had a sensitivity to sound, like bass noises enrage me because I can't block it out like I can with other annoying sounds--the vibrations are inescapable. I have above-average hearing, but always found it odd that I seem to go deaf when there are too many noises. Three people talking at once, someone talking over loud music, a murmuring crowd... It takes me half a minute to process someone is talking to me, and longer to parse what they say. I'm not bad at math, but even simple mental calculations can take me a shamefully long time. I have a hard time remembering things in the moment, but an elephant's memory after the fact. And most unexpected was the restraint meltdown. Especially staring into the void. But I've also just come home after a long day where nothing went terribly wrong, but I just breakdown sobbing and don't know why. Or I get whiny, I hear it in my voice and hate how petulant I sound. When I had a compressed schedule and had a day off in the middle of the week, I'd make the decision not to take my meds on that day or one of my weekend days, just because my brain is so tired of being forced to remain structured and effective. Now, I need my weekends to do literally anything productive, like chores and personal art projects, so I have no downtime to be a chaotic gremlin. I'm so emotionally drained... I didn't realize all of these things were common with ADHD. Knowing that, I feel a little relieved, like I'm not as broken as I thought. But I also feel.... Grief. For the life I could have built if I'd been diagnosed earlier and learned to manage it sooner....
OMG I didn't know this was potentially an ADHD symptom! I fucking hate bass (that I'm not in control of), whistling, dry hands rubbing together, too many people talking at once - it irks me to the point that I just want to shut down or rage😩 like OMG! everybody shut TF up 💀
I love the cello but my ears find the higher octaves on the violiin, flute and soprano sax unbearably painful. Especially, if they linger up there too long.
People chewing, sniffling repeatedly (blow your damn nose!!), or scuffing their shoes/boots on the ground when they walk all send me over the edge! Ugh! 🤯🤬
Dx with ADHD at age 38. This year I turned 50 and I had some kind of “break” just before my birthday where it seriously, seriously affected both my home and work life negatively (coulda lost both job and marriage) . My husband said it was like I had let go of all my executive function. Now I get it. I understand now what has happened to me. This is sincerely a personal revelation. Thank you! ❤
The late sleeping thing is what makes us to very well with shift work. I usually explain it to other people as someone had to watch for night predators. Thank you for all you do to de stigmatize neurodivergence.
Can confirm. Did 2 years overnight and had no trouble adjusting 😂. It did not help w my mental health though because I basically had no life and my relationships suffered. Recently switched to going in at 5a n i think the meds are helping me waking up because I haven’t struggled like i thought i would have. Got diagnosed 6 months ago, mid 30s.
I did graveyard shift but post office was a no and not for long but i slept fine in the day until age 26 and now im 45 and wake up hourly but still a total night person. I can not force myself to sleep or sleep early, I just cant if i know I have to get up.
It took me two Months learning how to sleep before 12 am but I quickly couldn’t keep it up and now my husbands schedule changed back so I will go right back to sleeping issues
Being 46, and realizing how many of these things reflect my experiences... I'm having trouble getting a diagnosis. It seems hard for them to understand that I've had to find ways to cope. I say "this is me", they say "you seem fine". Well I've had decades trying to survive, Dr, so my mask is 46 years old too.
Do you know the song 'The Stranger,' by Billy Joel? Key lyric: We all have a face that we hide away forever We take them out and show ourselves when everyone is gone
My wife has ADHD and I'm autistic. She's always been really wonderful and understanding, and I want to learn how I can support her in the same way. This video was very helpful, so thank you.
I was diagnosed, finally, with ADHD last year at the age of 56. I’ve always had “issues” but it was never so out of control until menopause. The symptoms I had before menopause were more manageable but not only are the symptoms I had less manageable but I have ones that are new as well. Right now I’m quoting lines from the Nightmare Before Christmas randomly throughout my day. I don’t do it in public but at home I feel free to quote as much as I want. My husband who has OCPD (and no insight, I’m helping him with that one) will ask me who I’m talking to. He thinks I’m being strange but I’m just trying to having fun. I do it a lot when I’m doing housework because it’s so dreadfully boring. It’s a challenge to see how many I can recite without a mistake while I am on autopilot while cleaning stuff. I really can’t help it sometimes. I’m also too damn old to care what anyone thinks. I spent my whole life beating myself and trying to pass as normal up until I finally figured out what was really going on. I’m not going to augment my personality at home, it’s too exhausting.
I hear you!! I’m 51 and my ADHD symptoms have been ramping up since my mid 40s. I feel like I’ve lost 3 jobs and all my self confidence due to how much more ADHD is affecting me in perimenopause and menopause, and the only treatment I could get was for depression, which honestly just made everything worse. I’ve just been re-evaluated for ADHD (I was initially diagnosed when I was 26). Incidentally, my sister and I used to quote the Disney Robin Hood all the time in middle school and high school. Sending you love!😊
Is that why I feel like I am getting worse instead of better? I am 59 years old and undiagnosed for ADHD right now. Menopause can affect our symptoms??
@@francescathomas3502 I don’t have all the research at my fingertips but I think the hormone changes really do affect our symptoms. I know that for me, until I finally got HRT (and I had to use an online service because I wasn’t getting the right kind, going through my regular doctor and insurance company), I literally though I was losing my mind. I could NOT function until I got a prescription for Estradiol. But that only brought me part of the way. I’ve been going through major depression, and I think I the biggest component of that for me were the unrecognized symptoms which were getting worse and worse. I should get feedback from my evaluation next week so I’m anxious to figure out what steps are next
Hi. Similar late diagnosis and yes, much worse after stopping HRT (hormone replacement therapy) If you are under age 65 HRT is still considered safe; numerous benefits in all aspects of physical & mental health to have some estrogen & / or progesterone. The patches are low dose
Managed to live well with undiagnosed ADHD UNTIL menopause. It changed everything. Mainly anxiety which has fed all the other symptoms. Had a stable partner for my whole adult life too, and after his sudden death, I have also struggled to cope with basic life things. Didn’t realise how much he kept me regulated and did the things I was “bad at” eg, understand our mortgage and saving for the future. Living alone hasn’t been good for me unfortunately.
When you used the calculating tips at a restaurant example it explains SO MUCH why math has always been a struggle for me, even when I had to take basic algebra classes for college. I just got diagnosed by my neuropsychologist a few months ago after suspecting I had ADHD for over a year. Thanks for doing what you do, I've been learning a lot regarding therapy and mental health from you!
I received my ADHD diagnosis in early grade school. My father made sure I never got a refill on my meds. So I "forgot" about that diagnosis until my 40s. I find it fascinating the things we're learning are part of ADHD or co-morbid with it. I've learned some stuff here, and that's what I'm after! Working Memory - I had no idea this was a thing. I'm pretty sure I also have a form of dyscalculia. Numbers are stupid hard for me. Wait, so my tendency for accent acquisition may be part of my ADHD? See, that's fascinating. And here I just always thought I had a late circadian rhythm. Second or third shifts work the best for me, always have. To be functional at 9 am, I have to get up two hours early and drink a couple of cups of coffee while doing something "soft" for my brain to wake up slowly. That's how I became addicted to Minecraft videos. LOL Thanks, Mickey!
Circadian rhythms are weird. For example, the 24-hour cycle is just the 'typical' cycle. Some people have shorter or longer cycles than that. Mine is about 25 hours, which means I'm always feeling like it's too early to go to bed or wake up. This means that there are weekends where I only have 2 sleep sessions instead of 3 to 'reset' my wake time so I can be up in time for work. Meanwhile, while my husband's cycle is close to 24 hours, he's actively nocturnal, so he prefers to get up in the afternoon and go to bed in the morning.
This comment had me cracking up, because this is my son in a nutshell! Our pediatrician actually told us to give him coffee and it’s been the best thing! He doesn’t like to give Meds unless it’s absolutely necessary (which I’m thankful for!) and in this stage of life coffee seems to be the best “medicine”.
Haha, coffee knocks me unconscious.....it doesnt work on me the way it does others. Its a weird sensation to feel, falling asleep in my chair with my heart racing from the coffee.😅
That makes no sense that the doctor would tell you that. Coffee is contraindicated in children because it has cardiac effects. Ritalin is listed as a softer drug in the stimulant class of medications (caffeine is in the same class.) I get heart palpitations when I consume the amount of caffeine needed to treat my ADHD. I've never had palpitations from Ritalin and I'm a 60 y.o. with excellent blood pressure all while taking Ritalin daily.
My father used to tell me that I was too immature and that nobody was going to marry me because I lived in a Hello Kitty world. I was diagnosed with ADHD by my psychiatrist at age 46. Fast forward 8 years and only now I am learning more about ADHD. This video is pure gold.
A month later…. I’m a 43 year old grown woman with ASD and a squishmallow collection that rivals an 8 year old’s. You can exist in a Hello Kitty world and I can exist in my squishmallow palace. Ain’t a damn thing wrong ❤
Thank you for this information. I'm 64 years and just recently beginning to understand the broad dimension of symptoms of ADHD. I had no idea! The sleeping issues linked to ADHD are news to me, and a relief to learn. I catch a lot of judgement and displeasure from family and friends about my abnormal sleep habits - up late, wake late. It causes me shame. So, thank you for enlightening me.
I thought - judgement and displeasure from family and friends about "abnormal" sleep habits - up late, wake late - is something very German, or Austrian, in our case where getting up early is a sign of industriousness. If you iron clothes at 4 am, it makes a big difference if you are still up (lazy) or an early bird (laudible) ...
I've learned to get into action based careers, like working with animals, and bring a whitewater raft guide. Rafting in particular is very stimulating, the river changes everyday, I have to pay attention to my environment and make adjustments based of my guests abilities, on top of trying to chat with them. Outdoor jobs have been life changing for me, and I wanted to share this because there is a community of people who can't handle working a normal 9-5 who have passionately found joy in the outdoor industry. So if moving is your jam, know that you have options.
❤ An ADHD video on coping with abuse, RSD, and late diagnosis would be awesome. A million thanks to you and Aaron for your work and the good it does! ❤
Yes, I would like that too! There are some materials on how to deal with abuse, childhood trauma etc. but I can't find anything good that targets both these issues and ADHD.
For RSD I recommend Dr Schubiner’s book Unlearn Your Pain, it’s finally moved the needle for me after 10 years of chronic pain. And yes, Dr Maté is great and his book Scattered Minds is a good resource.
@@katerowswell7489 Thanks. I watched him a bit and like how he explains trauma but I don't agree with his views on ADHD so I haven't tried diving into his ADHD materials. Maybe I will try that as he may have some good advice
I'm 10 seconds in and I can say as someone diagnosed with ADHD and ASD and I not only have 2 degrees but a career in engineering. It's not a hindrance to a great life. I know some ppl it might be harder I'm just saying you don't have to be the stereotype you can be way more. Mickey is also a great example of how it's not the end of the world to have ADHD. You can succeed.
It is interesting, I lived close to the Colorado School of Mines (Engineering school). I am dyslexic, and have known about it for most of my life, only recently realizing I had APD and ADHD. I told an engineer once I could not become an engineer because of my dyslexia and she told me that it is very common for engineers, it seems the neurodivergent mind is very adept to engineering. Brilliant minds are often Neurodivergent minds.
@@shannonarrington8049 100% eh. I'm also dyslexic and I will be going down the contract route with engineering. That's preparing documents and managing contracts and works with an engineering consultancy. I often describe myself as coming from a family of dyslexic tradesmen with ADHD (my whole family has signs of both and I have other diagnosed family members) but I am proof that doesn't hold you back. I've learned success it two fold ... mindset and luck. If you believe you can't ... you can't. simple. If you believe you can, you'll find a way. That's why I never think of myself as broken with something to fix. There's nothing wrong with being ND. Yes we think different and yes we have extra challenges. Its about figuring out how to work with those challenges and see them not as holding us back but things that can help us go forward. Let's put it this way ... I never grew tall enough to be a model but that doesn't mean I can't find success elsewhere. Because I didn't grow tall enough doesn't mean I'm defective, just means I didn't grow tall enough. Nothing I can do about that, but being a model isn't the only way to success in this world. I just need to find something that fits what I'm good at and the success will come.
Please say "It wasn't a hindrance to a great life FOR ME." Because it 1000% has been for me. I wasn't even diagnosed until my late 30s and I'm still trying to figure out what works to help overcome the very significant challenges it has created. Even if someone is diagnosed earlier, if they aren't taught the tools to help navigate it, it can still be a hindrance. I'm SUPER happy that there are people like you who were not negatively affected but there are a vast number of people who have been. Circumstances and degrees of neurodivergence can make a huge difference. Don't get me wrong. I have some success and hope for more but it had been and continues to be a hindrance.
Thank you so much! There so much misinformation out there about ADHD. People question if i have it because on days i'm not medicated and don't keep myself moving I could honestly sleep for about 20 hours no problem. If my brain isn't occupied it just wants to sleep. My sister and I both struggle with most of the stuff you talk about in this video. I have 2 boys, one has inattentive type ADHD and i didn't get him diagnosed as a child because i was always told "but he's such a good boy and so smart, he can't possibly have ADHD" but it was mostly because his interests aligned with school work for the most part, he had no trouble paying attention as he likes to learn. My youngest is combined type and an entirely different story. It has been a struggle to get him the help he needs but since receiving occupational therapy, counselling, and medication the world has become a much nicer place for him! It was in trying to get help for my youngest and reading more and more about ADHD and neurodivergence that myself, my sister, and my oldest son (he is an adult, his brother is only 6) found out that we struggled with all these symptoms our whole lives but they kept being misdiagnosed as anxiety and depression. Getting stimulant medication for myself has helped me be able to live life without the constant frustration, brain fog, low self esteem, and low energy that i struggled with every day. I'm so much more capable now of maintaining my composure, and being a calm and attentive parent. I think a lot of ADHD kids have undiagnosed parents and it makes it so much harder because if the adult isn't able to model emotional regulation, composure, positive habits, and stick To routines, it throws everything else into total chaos which was what we were dealing with for so long. People love to say "ADHD is over-diagnosed" i think if anything it's under diagnosed, especially in older populations. The world wants us to think and act a certain way, and I just don't think it's something that comes natural for a large majority of people. I think it's not neccessarily something that needs to be considered a disorder overall, but in the way our current society functions it is. ☹️. I often feel like in a different time or different type of society, my ADHD would be a positive attribute, whereas in a "sit down (or stand up) and work for 8 hours at one specific task" society it is a negative. I am lucky that the career I now have is a hyperfocus, because when it wasn't, work was a struggle every day.
Its refreshing how fast you talk! ❤ So many people talk too slowly in their videos and I zone out instantly. You kept my attention this entire 15 minute video🎉
I had no idea that restraint collapse could come in the form of shutting down or spacing out!! No wonder I didn't think I was experiencing this. So helpful Mickey ❤
So glad to see someone talk about this. As a young blonde woman who has all of these symptoms in my ADHD experience, I think they really compound together along with my looks into why people talk to me like I was born yesterday. I hope people realize someday because it's so incredibly frustrating and makes you feel crazy to say something, and then have people 'correct' you by saying literally the same thing with slightly different words.
I'm not young, blonde, or female but I get similar things and often feel like I must be speaking a different language that just happens to have the same words in it. I've given up trying to rephrase what I say because I find NTs unable to get away from what they initially thought I was saying. I used to think it was me but now I see it as their deficit and I only bother to rephrase if they ask.
Me too! I'm like Thank God someone speaks as fast as I do, and keeps my attention so my mind doesn't wander! Mickey has brought up a few things here that help me be a little more gentle to myself... especially the fact that I operate best on a night owl schedule, and I'm tired of being criticized for it
"If you take on people's accents when you're around them too long." THAT is me, and explains why my accent when speaking French and Spanish far exceed my actual fluency in either.
Man. I exist in a similar space that you do, as a mental health clinician who also has ADHD. For me, executive functioning difficulties have had the highest negative impact on my everyday life. & working in this role as an adult (esp with children & youth that also have ADHD) has been eye opening & saddening. I particularly have struggled so hard with the delayed sleep issue that it’s impacted my job security. I literally CANNOT get up in the morning and my brain needs at least 3-4 hours to do absolutely nothing before i can even begin to sleep…i always say that I don’t want to do, hear or watch anything that requires critical thinking. Even with knowing the disorder, it’s so reassuring to hear another clinician emphasize that my presentation isn’t a moral failure or a reflection of not being a functional adult, but rather a function of my neurodivergence. Thank you for this vid 🙏🏾
I got my diagnosis 2 years ago at 21. I felt like an alien my whole life, like I don‘t belong to earth. All those little things that made me feel different - but so many of those little things, that it consumed me. I remember that I assumed not going to survive in this world as a young kid, because I‘m already overwhelmed by almost no tasks. I tried masking all my flaws and I felt like a loser not keeping track of hiding. Since 2 years I try to unmask; to heal. It‘s uncomfortable and liberating at the same time. And it‘s sad. I feel sorry for my younger self, who was alone with this and wish I could tell her that she‘ll get help
Bugger. I'm 47, a consultant Clinical Psychologist and I've only just twigged I most probably have adhd. I got through years of being just fine academically through what I now realise is really useful hyperfocusing and some well learned structural organisational skills. However it explains the complete mess of organisation the rest of my life is, my terrible diary organising, the state of my house, my talking way way too fast and so many other symptoms I just put down to not trying hard enough. I don't think this will probably change too much for me but maybe I can get better at practising what I preach in being kind to myself when I screw up. Thank you - I think until I saw another qualified therapist who is a lot like me in so many ways, I didn't think I could be adhd and manage to qualify and get through my daily working life. Hopefully this will help me be an even better therapist to people. Keep doing what you do and keeping making a difference ❤
8:55 It's funny that many people complain about how fast you speak. At the time of watching this video I had 5 others in the queue and the only way I could lower the urge to click next was to watch this video at 1.5x speed.😂 Speaking is my biggest frustration. My brain moves like lightning. I've already worked out the beginning, middle and end of a topic before I can even get the right words to express those thoughts. Even writing this comment took me like 30 minutes because I've become so obsessed with expressing myself in a concise manner. All my life I was told thinks like, "you talk too much" or "your stories never have a point/get to a point" or "oh, is that it? What was the point?" And I can't even count how many times people have become impatient with me because I take long pauses, or use the wrong word or replace it with "thingamajig" just so that I don't pause. It made me very obsessive of how I express myself. It's to the point where, if I have something to say in a conversation, I'll zone out and figure out how I'm going to say what I need to say without stumbling over my words. I was diagnosed with ADHD quite late in my life, and the process of unmasking has been liberating and scary at the same time. I realised I've never been able to be my authentic self because of all the negative comments I got. I always thought these things I struggled with were character flaws and that I was somehow fundamentally flawed in an irreparable way. Only now that I'm trying to unmask did I realise how draining it's been to just live. I'm grateful for channels like this because it's how I started to become aware of what adhd actually is and ultimately led me to going to get assessed. This is also the first time I've ever left a comment this long haha! I'm not sure if anyone will ever read it, but thank you for getting to the end if you did read it.😊😊
This video is so validating 🥺🥺After moving in with my husband, i really started to notice just how differently we function around stimuli when the tv's on or doing simple tasks that really made me start to wonder if i was in fact neurodivergent. As a girl I've lived being told that "I'm just too energetic and at the same time unbothered", i often say i know two languages but can speak neither of them bc my brain feels like it works too fast, stimming is super common for me, i have a million hobbies for every occasion bc SOMETHING needs to keep me focused or how am i supposed to get anything done. I can't watch anything on a big screen bc as a kid we had an older tv that you could always hear the humm of and it would bother me so much for apparently no reason that even now that they don't humm as much as they used to, just having a tv on makes me uncomfortable and i just don't watch movies or shows if i can help it. I was once trying to get my husbands attention by going tss tss tss psst and he wasn't listening to me until i called his name. He apologized and didn't mean to ignore me but "it's just that your always making noises and I let you do your thing. It's cute. I'm sorry🥹" Once I'm back in the states i hope to get a formal diagnosis for all my ~suspicions~🙈 Thank you, Mickey for all you do❤️❤️ Sending love from South Korea🫶🏼
13:00 Absolutely! Waking up early isn't the "normal" default setting of humans, especially teens, who are still growing and need more sleep! My dad is a morning person, but none of the rest of us are. Getting up early for a timeclock, and working for hours on end in one place, is a demand made by the factory owners of the industrial revolution, and we've built our current societial norms around that. When your body can sleep isn't a moral issue! Just take care of yourself the best you can. ❤️
Sometimes my combination of auditory processing and speech disorders, plus trauma response in social/professional situations leads to me becoming nonverbal. Sometimes I can slowly explain that that is what is happening, but other times I am just immobilized. I've also found that, if I can write down "I am in overwhelm, and I cannot speak right now" in chat (or on a piece of paper in person) that can help take the pressure off of the moment. (edited for clarity)
You are authentic, articulate, very easy to follow your presentation, on point, clearly a gifted lecturer, therapist and educator. I’ve just learned so much about my husband in the last few minutes listening to you then I have in 41 years being together. I don’t know how I found you or if you found me but from the bottom of my heart I thank you for who you are for what you’ve just shared, and for your depth of knowledge. ❤
I love all the cool stuff you have on the walls in the background. I would probably spend like 10 hours looking at everything if I was over there. Thanks for the great info. I wasn't diagnosed but my therapist suspects I have it.
Maybe it’s just bc I’m also adhd but I’ve never thought you talk particularly fast.😅 That aside, this video just keeps getting progressively more relatable as I get further in…
I didn't think it was fast either xD english isn't even my first language Side note on that: american english to my german ears is a very slooow language. We talk a lot faster in general
I don't remember if I mentioned this before, but I wanted to say that your videos about seeking help and adhd have been a part in me seeking a diagnosis, and getting one. I'm seeing a therapist for things related to adhd, mostly practical solutions to my most pressing problems right now, and I'm getting medication, and I can't stress enough how much this has helped me. So thanks for being a part in me recognising I might have ADHD and getting a diagnosis. The lack of physical hyperactivity has been a real deterrent for me, I wasn't really a child who would run around a lot, and I'm still not, so I never once considered ADHD. Turns out that the hyperactivity is mostly an internal thing for me.
This is the first time I've ever heard anyone talking about auditory processing disorder. I had someone check my hearing when I was a teenager/emerging adult, and they said I might very like have APD. And then the video progressed... I have literally ALL of these issues/symptoms. I was diagnosed with ADHD just this last summer at 38 years old and so far my entire life has begun to make so much sense. I started a medication last month, and I've been able to do things that I've been trying FOR LITERAL YEARS to do like it was nothing. I hope I can finally get my life back on track and actually be a functional human being after falling through the cracks my whole life. Note that it took me THREE AND A HALF YEARS to get diagnosed, even tangentially by my family doctor, because I missed the phone call from the specialist because they changed the date of the appointment over the phone with me and off-set it by a week+1 day. By the time I got off the phone, I had forgotten what they told me with no way to call them back, then the pandemic happened and I'm still back in 2019 in my brain. One missed phone call and my whole life was stalled by 3.5 years because I just couldn't make another call to my old doctor after I moved just before the shutdowns. Everything I've been unable to do or achieve my whole life has come into sharp focus since realizing I might have ADHD all the way to finally starting the medication I clearly needed, and I feel like I could have been an entirely different person if my doctors and teachers had simply listened to me when I said, "I think there's something wrong, but I can't figure out what or why. Why can't I do these things that should be so easy? They should be easy, but they're not." And I think it is thanks to channels like these that have finally helped me get back onto the road to recovery after 38 years of being left behind and feeling lost and abandoned. Thank you for taking the time to make this content, because it really does help people.
🎯 Key Takeaways for quick navigation: 01:41 🎧 *Discussion on Auditory Processing Disorders* - Auditory processing disorders as a separate diagnosis. - The challenges and manifestations of auditory processing disorders. - Links between ADHD and auditory processing disorders. 04:44 🧠 *Understanding Working Memory Issues* - Working memory as a part of executive functioning. - The struggles people with ADHD face due to working memory issues. - The analogy of working memory as a mental workspace. 06:22 🌪️ *Exploring Restraint Collapse* - Definition and explanation of restraint collapse. - Causes and manifestations of restraint collapse. - Addressing shame and stigma associated with restraint collapse. 08:53 🗣️ *Speech Disorders and Neurodivergency* - Common speech disorders observed in neurodivergent individuals. - The impact and manifestations of speech disorders. - Addressing misconceptions and stigma related to speech disorders. 11:10 🌙 *Insights into Sleep Disorders Associated with ADHD* - Various types of sleep disorders that can co-occur with ADHD. - The challenges faced by individuals with ADHD in relation to sleep. - Addressing stigma and misconceptions about sleep patterns in ADHD individuals. Made with HARPA AI
5:15 Thank you for also casually including that not everyone sees literal pictures in their mind when "picturing" a scene! Your explanation and clarification is good on multiple fronts: includes those of us who see few or no images, educates those of us who don't know that other folks either do or do not actually "see" images in their heads when imaging, and clarifies for those of us who might take the phrase "visualize this" as a direct instruction and miss what's said next while trying to visualize. Live you! 💕
I’m 43 diagnosed last year, adhd and autistic, I have severe CPTSD, anorexia, gad, bpd from a very chaotic childhood with a narcissistic mother and a father who used his fists on her. I have 3 sons and 2 are ASD. I had them from 17 but I made sure I broke the trauma bond. I’m on meds for 20 years for anxiety as I was misdiagnosed and to be honest I’m struggling big time to understand how to just be. I’m glad I was diagnosed as it makes so much sense but the very limited access to help in Ireland is horrific so just to say thank you for doing these types of videos.
I had to go private for the ADHD diagnosis and can’t afford the Autism one, never mind the plethora of others things wrong. Ireland is useless for mental health in general, nevermind for ND adults.
@@PucaFlea I am looking to go private too for an ADHD assessment. I got lucky when I was diagnosed with autism that there wasn't too much of a wait in Scotland and my counsellor knew someone who could diagnose it. It took me a while to process the autism diagnosis, so I thought I would wait to look at getting an ADHD assessment. I have been on a waiting list for the last year, then lost my job (partly due to my undiagnosed issues). For a private assessment I have been quoted £1000 or more, which is a heck of a lot of money. Once I get a new job though it will be one of the first things I save up for.
I happened by your channel- I can relate to you on so many levels! Even though I feel comforted by knowing others share the same odd to others behavior - Sometimes it makes me feel like I am stupid, and I do shut down. I live in a tropical climate, and in the middle of the days need to lay down to calm my mind down-and regroup. I make no excuses- I need to do what I need to do to- to be a functional person in the world, have to prepare myself. Just the way it is. I say out loud, not as an excuse - I can do this- need to be ready! Thank You. Thank You for the reminder to talk nice to myself. Oh- & remind myself to set timers, it helps me accomplish things I do not want to do!
After about 35 yrs of doing "weird" things...I think I could have ADHD and realizing that has been mind blowing. I have so many charcteristics of those with ADHD and I'm excited to see someone about it to see if it's for real
This info is so helpful! I am a neurodivergent mother with inattentive ADHD. I’m 99% sure my son is also neurodivergent. He will have hyperactive outbursts just as you described. I am so grateful to have content like this to better understand myself and my family. Thank you Mickey!
0:53 this needs to be talked about more. I was diagnosed with ADHD & Bipolar Disorder 2 at 25 and I remember prior to then freaking out that I might be developing early-onset dementia because I could not remember ANYTHING. I would end up learning that not only was I masking mania; I also ended up scoring a perfect 9/9 on the DSM-V inattentive portion of the ADHD test.
Oh my gosh, the last one explains SO much of my time in school. I was ALWAYS drawing in class to keep my hands busy so that my brain would focus on the lecture. Some teachers were more understanding than others.
I got pulled into a room to discuss my doodling while attempting to pay attention in a court room since I'd been selected as one of the jury members. The chairs were set up in such a way that there was absolutely no room to fidget either since I usually will tuck one foot under the other leg, and switch back and forth, but there was no room for that. I ran out of ideas to doodle, and ended up falling asleep and kicked off the jury.
I got diagnosed with APD when I was 9 or 10...at 24 I got diagnosed with ADHD. The sleep shifting thing is so real for me, and I've gotten shit for it my ENTIRE life. I feel so validated about this and my mind is blown. I've only watched a few of your videos so far but I am hooked!
Wow! This was SO illuminating for me with my six year old daughter! I have ADHD & never considered that my daughter has it too because she's able to behave just fine at school. She's a complete angel. But at home, she's hell on wheels the moment she walks in the door! Literally crying right now 😭
I'm currently in therapy for ADHD and autism because I've never been diagnosed, but strongly suspect that I might be AuDHD. It's videos like this that really help my journey in figuring my brain out and realize that I'm not alone, so thank you. Thank you for all the work you do on and off CZcams! ❤
I just got my diagnosis a few months back and it amazes me that so many of these symptoms are never discussed. I've had most of these literally my entire life and struggled, along with shamed, myself for so long due to them.
Great video 👊🏽🙏🏽 I'm a child & adol psychiatrist Also with "wicked" ADHD 🤣 You make GREAT points in an ACCESSIBLE and REASSURING way I'm 64 and "successful" but am STILL identifying the ways in which my brain AINT RIGHT . . . How much I have STRUGGLED as a result (and still do) . . . and how that struggle has weighed me down in terms of my self-image and self-esteem So I'm SO THANKFUL to hear you "preach" this important and encouraging message I'm gonna share this video and your channel with those close to me who are similarly GIFTED / CHALLENGED
I’m so glad to find you. As anADHD’er diagnosed very late in life. In my 50s. It has been a relief, and I’ve given myself lots of grace for my past life. Not knowing that there really wasn’t anything wrong with me. As a bonus, I love Adam and Eve. And am so thrilled that they are sponsoring this episode.
I’ve been struggling with restraint collapse lately. I feel like I use all my energy to restrain myself and my feelings during the day and then I have zero energy left to be a human.
I would love a video about OCD. The symptoms overlap with ADHD a lot. As someone with OCD, I relate a lot to ADHD content. One thing that frustrates me the most is that my brain works WAY faster than some other people so I can look ahead, on a work project for example, and see how the pieces do or don't fit together, but I can't always understand how others are picturing it. I also process written directions so much better than auditory instructions/info.
I will clarify that my OCD is very repetitive physical acts out of compulsion and some light intrusion, no catastrophizing or anything that leads to them.
Thank you so much for sharing this! I am neurodivergent, as it turns out. I was diagnosed with ADHD as a 40 year old. I honestly kind of thought I was being a "brat" when I would get overwhelmed and not like big family events. It's actually because of my sensory processing issues. Neurodivergent and neurotypical people alike treat me the same. I don't want to contribute to an us vs them mentality in any way. Your videos do help me to have more self compassion...thank you for what you are doing.
I have been diagnosed with ADHD as an adult in the last couple months but I also have narcolepsy, depression and anxiety on top of that plus sleep apnea. Thank you for the extra ADHD symptoms and explanation.
Funny, same mix. I hated the CPAP machine so much though that my body learned to stop enough of it that I didn't fit criteria. It didn't seem to help either: some of my apneas were CNS.
For the last year, I now wake up around 4.30am, and LOVE it! - The light is so soft, and no one’s up, and I feel I have the whole world to myself! I’ll make a coffee, go back to bed, check emails, play games. Up to now I’ve been sharing with people. Soon, I hope to live by myself, which I’ve wanted to do my whole life….. I’m so excited. I still want to wake up at this time, and do meditations and exercise first. I’ve never had a healthy productive morning living with people, because just knowing they’re around, in the house, puts me off, and I don’t know how to think, or what to do….. I just wait for them to leave, so I can be ‘me’. I’m 67, and haven’t been diagnosed, but suspect ADHD. Does this sound familiar to anyone?
Meetings that should have been an email are the bane of my existence 😴 Thank you so much for your videos! This is so helpful to me; I am excited to learn more about how to embrace my specific needs without feeling ashamed. Sending 💜 from a neurodivergent friend.
Thanks for this video. I went through an extreme period of anxiety and depression because I was terrified I wouldn’t be able to keep my job. I worried about homelessness and my own intelligence. Thankfully, I have a great psychologist who walked me through it. Appreciate what she did for me and what you do for others!
haven't even watched the video yet but I'm commenting early to tell you how much I appreciate you and Aaron - you two bring so much joy and understanding into my life just through a screen ❤
Fell into this comment thread for so long last night!! So much love and support and so much learning happening here! What a lovely contrast from many other places on the Internet 🥰🥰🥰
The part about delayed sleep phase was really helpful to hear ❤ It's definitely something I struggle with but, in my experience, not a lot of people really understand it. I have tried to adjust my sleep schedule so I could wake up for 9am uni lectures, but no matter how much sleep I got the night before, I naturally end up falling asleep at like 3am anyway. From my understanding, trying to go to sleep and wake up at more socially acceptable times can result in feeling super sleepy the next day. I remember pretty much all throughout high school I'd get on average like 7 hours of sleep a night and I would feel so sleepy the next day, I'd just be constantly yawning and it was even harder to pay attention, to the point where it felt like something was wrong but I didn't know what. It's so helpful knowing now that I have ADHD and that there's an explanation for a lot of the things I've struggled with throughout my life - although it's a bit frustrating sometimes because I could've been a lot kinder to myself when I was younger had I known, and also there are still a lot of people who are not very understanding of that fact that other people's brains work differently to theirs.
My husband and I really struggle with his sleeping habits. He has suspected ADHD for as long as he had the knowledge to “self diagnose” per say. We have two young children so it’s just really tough that I get up with the children every day. He works a shift that goes late into the night which is probably better for him and I do get that he needs to sleep in longer because of it, but when he doesn’t work, I wish I could have a partner in the mornings or have a morning off once in a while. I also understand when you get into the habit of going to sleep at a certain time it’s hard to break that so that’s also where he has a hard time on his nights off. I just feel like he’s very stubborn about taking anything to help him fall asleep, he stays up even later after he gets off work because it takes him a while to get settled/he wants to “relax” and play a video game or watch CZcams for a bit before bed. I get all of that. But I guess it’s hard because I don’t feel like I get any of those opportunities to try to keep my sanity because of my own neurodivergent experience. I just wish we could be a better support system for each other
Ur husband sounds like my husband but I also have the same issue bc I have to take my son to school early and I had to learn to adapt with no to little sleep getting him there on time since my peak time to go to bed is between midnight and 2 am
Thank you for this, Mickey! I really needed validation about life sometimes being a little extra challenging with neurodivergence but that experiencing these challenges does not make me “lazy” or otherwise a bad person. I struggle a LOT with executive function and particularly with time management (BIG TIME time blindness and unfortunately my current meds don’t do anything for that), so getting anywhere on time is an extremely rare occasion. Unfortunately, sometimes you have to be on time…like with work. Just yesterday I sat down with my manager and our director to have a bit of an intervention and to set up an “improvement plan” because of my problems with getting to work on time/at any specific time. It sucks and is SO incredibly frustrating, but it seems like the more frustrated I get the more anxious/stressed I get, and the more anxious/stressed I get the worse my ability to mentalize time becomes. It’s a vicious cycle! Anywho, I was feeling quite poorly and annoyed with myself. This helps me to not beat myself up too much over it, so thank you. :)
I am in my mid-30s and newly diagnosed. This video was really helpful! It really helps to take a step away from all the build up guilt from decades of believing I am just useless and dumb.
I am simply impressed by your articulation and quick speech. I can't talk very quickly, my thoughts often get swallowed up by "the void". I forget what I'm doing halfway through a sentence.
Question about speech and auditory processing - I’ve noticed a lot of my ND friends (a mix of ADHD and autism, sometimes both) empathize or try to keep the conversation going by pulling on personal experiences to relate to each other. Especially when we get excited. Does that have something to do with the speech and hearing?
Yess I do this as a way to show I genuinely care and a way to bond but I had to learn to listen more then to avoid to interrupt. To combat this I listen as far as I can and tell them what I think about what they say personally then add an anecdote about it to relate and if they start taking interest and want me to expand on it I will!
Ive been struggling with psychotic agoraphobia lately - now learning about restraint collapse i understand why im so afraid to go anywhere! I love when i learn what issue my brain is confabulating itself away from so i can actually address it 😂
First time watching, just want to say I love how fast you talk! Before you mentioned it I was actually thinking how great it was to not have to speed up the video.
Neurotypical people always tell us that the ways our brains work and react to the world around us is “rude” but they never stop to think about how rude they are for trying to change who we fundamentally are.
Agree with you there.
The winner was I was watching a financial help video on another channel and the guy was text box ADHD. which I stated. An NT had to tell me how it's just laziness and wanting to get out of things.
I hate that mindset too
or how a lot of their own social conventions also come across as rude to us
Literally, my neurotypical dad tells how I need to learn to change my mindset to his mindset ..all the time. He’s the type to not believe in mental disorders, mental health/illnesses now matter how much I try to explain my symptoms to him. I get the classic “just focus” and many more.
Well said
I think of working memory as your RAM (in computer terms).
I get made fun of by (mostly older) people in my life for having a lot of anxiety around phone calls, especially for important things. I would vastly prefer to have an important conversation over text or messaging or email. The 3 biggest reasons for this are mentioned in this video:
- Memory issues - I worry that I won't remember the important information, and I can't reference it later.
- Verbal issues - my brain will put together a perfectly worded sentence and my mouth will forget what I was saying halfway through.
- Auditory processing issues - there are only so many times I can say "what?" without causing intense frustration.
These are things that I cannot just "get over." They are legitimate reasons that phone calls are objectively worse for my brain.
Omfg! Thats why phone calls terrify me!!!! U just gave me the answer i have been looking for. I get terrible anxiety, but couldnt really pinpoint why something as simple as a phone call would be so terrifying. Reading your list was an aha moment for me 🥲
Same but also for me sometimes just the sound itself grates on my brain & makes me internally irritated..
I grew up with making phone calls before email and texting and I can’t stand phone calls either. I like being able to think about what I will write about in an email or text.
Me too. I very much prefer emails to phone calls!!! Although if I have to be on the phone, I make sure to have paper and pen close by to write down notes. Same thing for with skype or zoom calls as well.
What makes it worse these days (not for phone calls for me, but for social anxiety) are the people who say that everyone who struggles with those things are just babies who are only afraid because we couldn't socialize during COVD lockdowns, and that's what caused the anxiety. Although I don't usually have much social anxiety anymore, I had it really badly years before COVID.
My entire life, no matter how hard I try to change it, I dont get sleepy until 2am and im not fully awake until 10am. Did not realize that this might be an adhd thing. Actually explains a lot 😂
Right? I have ALWAYS been a night person. I've often described it as being on Australian time, except I live in the US.
And it's SO severe for me that I just began working overnights, that way I could operate on the schedule that my body naturally WANTED to be on.
But I had no idea it was an ND thing. Holy crap, that explains so much
That’s my most natural sleeping time. It’s been that way since I was a little kid and it takes constant, severe, sustained effort to have even a slightly different schedule.
I'm definitely the same way and have been my entire life. I work a desk job at home M-Th from 7am to 5:30PM. It's so hard to go to bed at a reasonable time so I usually don't. Then I'm tired all day. I just feel like I get my 2nd wind around 9pm and then I'm not tired until at least after midnight. And that's if I remember to take my trazadone. At least I know it's not just me and it's not because I'm bad at life.
SAME.
It's a torture for me to wake up in the morning, people just don't underdtand and keep giving useless advice like "go to bed earlier". How do I do that? My body does not work that way.
I'm going for my ADHD evaluation on Tuesday. I JUST found out about the daytime sleepiness yesterday, after researching ADHD for YEARS. When I tell you I was shocked to find out so many others struggle with excessive daytime sleepiness. I seriously thought it was just a me thing.
I'm getting tested in 2 weeks and right!! I'm so sick of sleeping during the day!
It is same for me, I'm sleepy till 7pm and then when it is bedtime I cant even close my eyes and shut my brain. I tried to stop drinking coffe but it got even worse. I also tried not to force to sleep and got up all night, but it didn't make me sleepy next night :/
My whole life I have said I am naturally nocturnal having no clue this was due to ADHD.
Not me liking this comment after a midday nap 😂
I used to take naps in the afternoon. I still do when I can. The joy of being self-employed.
I gasped when she talked about people trying to give you verbal instructions and directions
As an autistic person and as a teacher, I'm trying so hard to get other educators to understand that no, restraint collapse actually IS something we need to be addressing at school because it means the kid is actually not "doing just fine" at school
This!
I really hope more people understand this for future generations
I both was (and probably still am) shit at masking and somehow still had this 😂
To be honest it seems like this is one of those things that is fundamentally at odds with the entire school system as it is currently structured. I think we're going to have to get more radical if we want to address this stuff because restraint kind of just IS necessary in the current system based on how big classes are and how strictly students have to progress through the "years" of content. Until we change stuff like that I really don't see how we'll be able to address stuff like this.
@@IshtarNike As a former educator who has worked with and taught middle school through college, I agree that the fundamental structural design of most academic systems exists in opposition to what we know about learning and how to best support it. Big systemic changes are needed to address the underlying issues... and it's unlikely to happen without society also making big systemic changes as well.
ADHD therapist here. I took a training called something like “being neurodivergent in a neurotypical world” which really helped tease out the apparent conflict between alleviating the “symptoms” of neurodivergence and recognizing that our brains aren’t broken and don’t need fixing - it’s just hard for us to function in systems that expect neurotypical behavior and punish anything different. I think it’s useful to examine the language we use around symptoms vs criteria and consider how medicalized language can feel invalidating. Really glad more clinicians are sharing this info from a place of lived experience and empathy instead of just treatment for a disorder
yes I think we need to think about how we label ourselves. I've had many an argument about the disability label. I don't view myself as having a disability because I think that implies something is wrong with me. There's nothing wrong with me. I just think differently due to genetics. To say something is wrong with ADHD thinking is like saying blonde hair or brown eyes are wrong. ADHD is just a different genetic expression of how our brains work and there's nothing wrong with that.
@@dragonstooth4223i consider myself as disabled because I struggle to do what I want to do even when allowed complete freedom and to mold my environment to my needs. Even when I'm in complete control and not in a neurotypical world, I struggle.
My disability is not social. It's innate to my loved experience.
@@GreenGorgeousness personally I think the word disability holds us back. Its a mentality we can get comfortable in because it invokes a specific reaction in others.
I just want to be treated like a person and some things I find more challenging than others. We all have something we find challenging, even NTs. We might just have a few more challenges.
To me, labeling them as disabilities is like throwing up your hands and just accepting that's all it will ever be. I've learned a lot of what would be labelled as a disability by others is actually my greatest strengths. I've also learned to work with my so called disabilities rather than against them.
its the mentality of forever seeing yourself as broken beyond repair versus I might have extra challenges in life but they won't stop me. Not everyone is good at sports, not everyone is a maths genuis, not everyone is tall or short ... none of that holds back NTs. Why think anything that is your ADHD holds you back?
(coming from an ND with mouth filter issues, time management issues, executive function issues, social issues and a whole host of sensory issues ... who is an engineer with two degrees, a family with a kid, a mortgage and no debt ... it can be done)
@@dragonstooth4223 I view disability differently but that's probably because I also have a physical disability and use a wheelchair. So for me, I have no problem using the word disability because there are a lot of things I physically can't do on my own, I don't have the ability to do them, hence disability. But when it comes to my ADHD, as much as I struggle with it at times, I've never viewed it as a disability. Though I know others who struggle with theirs much more than I do and whatever label they want to use for them is fine.
@@dragonstooth4223 The word disability does not mean there is something wrong with anyone. The word disability mostly describes how much trouble you have functioning in a society that does not accommodate you. Someone in a wheelchair has way more trouble functioning because there aren't enough easily accessible ramps available. Not because they are in a wheelchair, the wheelchair helps them get around.
Several people with a variety of disabilities have zero trouble functioning at home, because their home has all the things they need to function. The rest of world has nothing for them, so they can't function as well.
Justice Sensitivity is one of the more obscure ways my ADHD has manifested. Being very keen to pick up on hypocrisy and easily upset at being misrepresented.
That sounds like Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria honestly. It's slightly different but it sounds like it's the same thing. RSD+empathy?
@@paulstejskal It very well could be! The terminology certainly fits how it feels.
Can you please help me understand what that looks like for you.
Here for my daughter and educating myself from people who live it.
Thanks 🙏
@@amyoneelse Essentially, when something "unfair" happens, or there's some form of rejection that would be considered serious (ex: losing a best friend, being cast out by a group of people, reputation being maligned, being assigned labels that are negative that may be unfair), it doesn't just bother me like it would bother most people. It causes an increasingly debilitating mental spiral that lowers productivity greatly (constantly thinking about the injustice, considering ways to either repair things, get justice, or get revenge). Usually, because the triggers are not easily solved, it becomes easier to create a victim mentality which either causes self-superiority (ex: those people are completely wrong and they deserve to be canceled for what they did) or self-sabotage (ex: they're right, I am a terrible person and don't deserve success).
@malifex9922 this sounds just like me. 😭
“Sleep revenge” seems like an attempt to ignore that everyone needs time to play - not just to honor an “inner child,” but to creatively express themselves and learn more effectively.
I say that I have to borrow time from tomorrow to have some time for myself today….and then I’m up til 1:30
I'm watching this, crying, because I've struggled with a ton of undiagnosed ADHD symptoms my entire life. I still don't have a formal diagnosis. It is still difficult to find doctors who take this seriously- especially if you're good at masking. I function, but I am miserable.
Tell the doctor your therapist thinks you have ADHD
Maybe you have one, maybe you don’t - they are not going to check.
I hear ya same boat. I get very irritated trying to explain it to people who don’t get it.
doctors have to be very careful about diagnostics unfortunately. either they don't take you seriously, or they don't want to risk getting their license revoked if they're questioned on their diagnosis and you happen to have great grades for example, it's on them to justify their reasoning and if they can't give a good reason, it falls on them and risks their livelihood. mental health care is also so expensive, and I used to be so against self-diagnosis until I realized how difficult it is to get a formal diagnosis. you are so valid and I see you. wishing you the best 💜
the speech disorder is one of the most frustrating for me. i tend to pause alot while talking because i have a ton of trouble figuring out the right words for what i want to say, and nobody has the patience to wait for me to finish what im saying. and then when i notice it happening i get embarrassed and start panicking which makes talking even harder, and in rare instances impossible for me. even my closest friends will get impatient and stop listening when this happens, and it feels very isolating
I can relate so much to what you just said.
hi, are you me? 😭
All of this. Yes. 💜
That's why I always feel unheard/misunderstood, like when the conversation shifts by the time I get my thoughts together to try to chime in
I do this too! I am actually a speech therapist and I often forget what I was going to say because my mind has gone on to another topic. My son or husband will have to remind me to finish the sentence. There really is no speech therapy for this issue. It is actually more of a working memory and attention issue.
These are all things that I’ve struggled with my whole life. As children, we often absorb a lot of shame for these behaviors - we don’t know why we’re sensitive to noise, or why we shut down after school. It’s healing as an adult to know that it wasn’t because you were a “bad kid” that you did these things - you’re just different and have different needs than a neurotypical person.
ADHD is rough, and at age 37, I am just starting to learn to speak up for my specific needs and not to be ashamed. I have tried to be “normal” for most of my life and it did not work out well for me at all! I appreciate these videos so much. I literally had no idea why I was so sensitive to sounds, why my memory shuts off, and why I can’t get the right words out of my brain sometimes. This is so helpful! I am excited to learn more and embrace my specific needs and learn what I need to be my best self 😊
I don’t think I have ADHD, but I’ve always had a sensory processing disorder. And even that on its own can be so debilitating. I never forgot being chased around and sent to the “principal” at my preschool because my sensory meltdowns interfered with my wearing clothes and shoes properly. Now it’s mostly auditory - I’m afraid of seeming rude when I just can’t be around people or can’t process what someone is saying because of background noise. Sometimes I go into a panic and have to just cover my ears with my hands as a full grown adult. Sometimes my clothes are too itchy and I’m exhausted and I just want to melt away at work. I’m so glad I can actually make it through each day and collapse when I get home. To have sensory differences and executive dysfunction sounds incredibly challenging
I could be pretty fresh to my parents after school. They always asked why I was so polite to other adults but rude to them, and never stopped to consider that they were also yelling/taking rude tones with me that they would never use to anyone else. They seriously expected a known AuDHD CHILD to have more self-control in that situation than they did as adults.
I have adhd but whats interesting is I don't have any sensory issues or overload whatsoever like loud noises dont freak me out or i dont overeact or become heavily affected by humiliation or criticism or rejection i might get annoyed or angry. or dissapointed when rejected but its short lived i move on like its nothing i realise its not a me problem its the other persons problem and continue. It makes me wonder if I have psychopathy aswell since both conditions go hand in hand together but i do tend to overthink for a long time about situations where I did not give any closure to that's adhd trait but I have no intentions in giving closure ever that's psychopathic I also don't have any suicide thoughts nor desires to commit suicide also psychopathic
I really don't know if I shut down after school.
I was a latchkey kid and not allowed to either leave the yard or let other kids come to my house or yard.
I basically had hours every day to myself, so likely I could 'decompress' at my own rate and leisure with no one to observe or find fault.
I can only guess at this, though.
I will say, I enjoy solitude. I'm retired now, but when I was working, I liked to take several hours in the morning to work up to going into the job. I always tried to live within walking distance to work, so a good 2 to 2-1/2 hours in the morning for a gentle restart was perfect. Even if I couldn't sleep the night before or my sleep was cut short.
I couldn’t have balloons at my party. I would get irritable and overwhelmed. Getting diagnosed when you’re are a grown adult is almost a religious experience. It becomes such a revelation for unpacking your life and the things you’ve never been able to completely compensate for.
A religious experience!! Yes!! I was diagnosed only a few weeks ago at age 43 and it’s been 🤯🤯🤯
I was *scared* of balloons as a kid. There was a common tradition growing up where all the kids would pop every balloon at the end of the party, and I would beg my mom to leave early so I didn't have to be around it.
@@thais_cdmwe had the same terrible tradition in kindergarten! I have a clear memory of myself at my birthday throwing needles at the balloon from a distance with one hand while plugging my ear with the other hand. After a few attempts my teacher popped it for me 🤦🏻♀️
I wish I could get tested. My med provider is acting like you have to be a billionaire in order to be tested. I don’t get it.
I was scared of balloons popping as a kid, and still don’t like it. I was also creeped out when a helium filled one started sinking and getting wrinkly.
Thank you for this. I realized I am neurodivergent 6 months before my 71st birthday. So much makes so much more sense. I have had to cut myself off from all my family in order to begin to heal. But I am hopeful, independent and learning to love myself despite being so annoying for 70 years. Not masking is terrifying but so much less exhausting.
62 and you just answered my question of “is it worth getting a dx at this age?”, so thank you and I’m sorry about your family. Hope you have or can find friends who understand you, who appreciate your unique gifts, and who you can just have fun with. Wishing you well x
💕@@clarewillison9379
I’m so sorry it took 70 years for you to understand yourself! I got diagnosed at 50 late diagnosis is a gift but can come with grief also, your a warrior, unmask like a king you deserve it and owe it to yourself, sending love ❤️
Me at age 68 ... getting worse after retirement ...
At 73 for me Same thing Not seeing family
OH MY GOODNESS! I'm 58, got diagnosed with AHDH around 43, and after years and years of research, going down rabbit holes on Google, you have just answered 2 questions.
1st one is my speech. I can't explain things, I don't speak fluently, I lose words, and my brain can't keep up with my thoughts. I find it hard to make friends because people think I'm backwards. I avoid confrontations because I'm the easiest person in the world to win an argument with, whether I'm right or wrong. When I try and stick up for myself I look like a fool and get laughed at. I've researched so many speech problems and haven't been able to find one that I could say "aha that's me", until now.
The second is my insomnia. I toss and turn every night for hours. I've tried CZcams sleep hypnosis, melatonin etc. but just can't fall asleep. However I have no problem whatsoever falling straight to sleep in the morning after I have gotten my son ready to school, made his lunch and walked the dog. My head hits the pillow and I'm out. I feel so guilty and have tried to force myself to stay awake, and as tired as I get, I still can't fall asleep at night.
Thank you so much for giving me answers.
Oh my gosh! You are my person! You described what i go through to a tee, right down to getting my son off to school and going back to bed! P.s. I will also be 58 in November.
Yes I also have trouble explaining things. I sound like an idiot, stupid. I can't get my thoughts together and my words. Lol
I also have trouble falling asleep alot of the time. It's a problem.
@@user-jp5zm5jh6b same here. It's so frustrating.
attention hyperactive deficit hyperactive
I've always had trouble falling asleep in a reasonable amount of time. I tried all the "natural" methods - no blue light an hour before bed, doing calming things like meditating or reading (problem with reading is it's either too boring to hold my interest or too interesting and I end up staying up all night reading), sleep sounds, pitch black room, melatonin, bedtime tea, the gamut of options. It would still take me 1-3 hours to fall asleep once I clicked the light off to sleep.
But then in the morning I can wake up and just immediately go back to sleep over and over again for hours! It's addicting sleeping in because it's so easy.
I was at the point where I was taking unisom every night, but my pharmacist said it contributes to dry mouth (and I was getting the Adderall dry mouth too) so he recommended Magnesium Citrate. It's a powder you mix into water. It does actually seem to help. It doesn't knock me out or make me sleepy, instead it kinda... Turns down the static volume I have in my head all the time which does help me fall asleep faster. Not a miracle worker, but pretty good.
I am a teacher and I had been researching ADHD to help my students when I discovered I fit in the neurodiverse population but had been masking my whole life. Diagnosed and trying to help my students still. Want to have knitting or crochet in class? Fine, I do the same during staff meetings. I still come home and cocoon because I have masked so much but at least my students have freedom in my classroom.
thank you for this, honestly. i am going through my second job education at the moment and i cannot tell you, how much more alert i am during class because i can knit, crochet, or journal. in 'school' school i got fucked over for reading under the desk when i was finished with a task or similar things, and i know now that my freedom is resting on my good grades, but openly allowing ways to have an activity to play pingpong with my brain would be wonderful. keep being compassionate with your students and i think you will impact many lives for the better :)
I told one of my seniors the other day at work about my ADHD (I'm trying to be more open about it) and he came out and said he thinks he's ADHD too. Its amazing how many people are around us struggling with hiding who they really are because of having to mask to fit in.
I dream of a world where I don't have to mask at all. That my weirdness is embraced and celebrated. one day ...
I wish I had a teacher like this just once. Thank you on behalf of the kiddos who need it.
I‘m so happy for your students. You’re the best type of teacher! 💙
Just like, as an FYI... and I understand that you probably got the terms confused (it's easy to do), but everyone fits in the neurodiverse population. That's what neurodiversity is: a plethora of different bodyminds (including neurotypicals).
I think maybe you meant to say "neurodivergent population"?
Also: a huge portion, if not most, people fit within the neurodivergent population (which includes Tourette's, PTSD, TBI, Bipolar, Borderline, NPD, Epilepsy, Parkinson's... *everything* brain/nerve-related that's not considered "normal").
Glad to see you going above and beyond in supporting your students! Way to go!
OMG the sleep one. My mother hated that I "slept in late" and stayed up late. I just can't get my brain to shut off before at least 1 am. I hate that it's considered a "disorder" though 😒
My mom did too which really frustrates me now especially since I didn't discover my ADHDness until I became an adult. I really got frustrated once I figured out she either had ADHD &/or autism because it would have explained SO much about her behaviours.
I also hate that it's considered a "disorder". It sucks that society often doesn't work easily for us 😥
Mine too. Except I only sleep after 5am. Your body clock is what it is🙏🇬🇧
I am 100% sure this is a survival mechanism from early societies to have some nightshift watch outs that actually are alert. A helpfull divergency that made us all survive but now gets punished.
I’ve always thought that it’s logically natural for a group of humans, that some would sleep early and some would sleep late. Then, the group would have some alert members at all times, to protect from predators. Only with modern systems of economic production, humans have been creating rigid systems to dictate sleep times and wake times. I blame the corporate overlords who deprive me of my natural sleep cycle.
I think a really big misconception about adhd is that we have a deficit of attention or short attention span when really it's an inability to control our attention. Like i can hyperfocus when im off my meds i just dont choose what that focus is aimed towards. And that focus is based on how much dopamine the activity provides, more dopamine = more attention.
Edit: just got to the part where you talk about this lol
yeah it is NOT common to even hear therps and psychs talk about attention and hyperfixation just maybe not on the tasks we are supposed to be doing. if it is boring, i struggle STRUGGLE even in the first 30s, like my brain is about to implode. keeping on it for HOURS is excruciating, and my mind zings in a thousand different places, probably in a desperate search for dopamine and to keep me from flatlining.
What do you hyperfocus on ?
I wanted to share this story about my autistic Granddaughter, in hopes that it can help some others, I know this is about ADHD but I even feel it helps for that as well.
A couple years ago, I realized that some pretty horrible things were happening in our world. I started doing a lot of research & I came across some pretty horrific things happening,( especially to children ) I started putting on the 432 MHz music to keep me grounded and little did I know that particular number had a profound effect on my GD.
One day while I was researching, she was playing in my room and came out into the living room stimming... When she hit the living room (which could have started sooner but that is when I could see her of course) I watched her go into almost a forced slow-motion stim and then just like that she stopped and sat down ( this was probably less than a min or 2) on the couch soon after she was fast asleep. Although I had no idea it was the music I did take a mental note of what was going on around us at the time. The next week when she was visiting again she started to stim & the thought of the last time she was stimming by me came into my mind it was like the music, I turned the 432 MHz music back on & instantly she stopped stimming, and went back to my room to play. After several more times testing this and also putting it on at bedtime for her ( helps her sleep so much better) I have come to the conclusion that it IS the 432mhz music that IS calming her. We tried the other numbers they don't do the same thing for her. She now will put that music on herself when it's time for bed & tells me it does make her feel better. She is aware that she is on the spectrum she also has ADHD along with audio-sensory issues.
I am aware that everyone reacts differently to things but if this can help just 1 other person It was worth my time to try to get it out in written form ( which I suck at!)
Written form did pretty well here!
Thank you. You might be the missing puzzle piece. Thank you for sharing.
P, s you did a fine job of writing all that.❤
Thank you 💕 I can use all the help I can get to sleep better.
💜💕🦋🔥👑🔥🦋💕💜
Do you mean 432 KHz?
This explains why music and art and bright colors have always been a part of my world! I find it all so beautiful and peaceful! Keeps my attention and calms me down! Just the other day at work we had a thief I had to chase out the store! He had my adrenaline pumping! Just ringing up customers (I’m a retail cashier) and giving my best customer service wasn’t helping me calm down! I found a sewing measuring tape that had split open and fallen apart into piece, and decided to fix it! Two sproings and 2 hours later I had finally fixed it! I was so proud of myself for completing a difficult task! I also noticed that I had calmed down a whole lot! These are my stimming moments! I always have to be doing something to keep from getting bored or getting overstimulated throughout the day! And I also I have to snack on something at work! 😂
You’re the first person in a long time I haven’t had to use the 1.5X or 2X speed! That’s funny how much faster our brains are with certain things. I can’t believe people complain about you talking to fast! That’s hilarious to me! Great video!
ha haaaaa i was doing this with a work training. it's boring and. so the fast speed makes me stay awake - challenge is to catch everything at the fastest speed possible. THEN i hit another module, 2 HOURS long, the longest one, and they removed the option. i was enraged. everything was like a tar pit, so slow after that. plus it meant i couldn't shave time off of the task.
I love how fast she talks! I kept up perfectly. I didn’t even think about the pace until she brought it up and then I was like, shit I guess she is talking kinda fast huh. If my brain had its own mouth that’s how fast it would talk all the time! 😂
"Wow, she talks really fast ... in comparison to other therapy CZcams people. Maybe I can pay attention to this video." (Mind wanders off anyways, even if only briefly.) 😅
You may enjoy listening to Dan of The Aspie World -- He has ADHD, Aspergers/Autism, Dyslexia, and OCD. He talks super fast, so a seven minute video feels like 15 minutes of information.
Oh yes, I absolutely can't keep up. The words are flowing into one another. Super fast for me. I don't have the amount of energy required to listen at that speed.
It not a criticism of the speaker, it's an observation of myself.
I can’t concentrate on slow talkers!
The bit about parents asking "if you're so good at school then why aren't you good for me?" made me shout and pause the video to process. I was diagnosed a year and a half ago at age 28 and now I have another thing about my childhood to unpack.
The best way I’ve heard someone explain working memory for people with ADHD is as follows: everyone has a chalkboard in their head, and when they’re working on something they are taking notes on that board. But my handwriting (as someone with ADHD) is bigger than most people’s, so I have to erase information from my chalkboard more often to continue taking notes.
I love this! (And I obsessively take actual notes constantly to try to manage my working memory… Besides not forgetting things, it helps me stay present in a conversation or meeting when I don’t have to worry about what I’m forgetting.)
Mines like I spend so long writing the first few letters I cant fit the rest on there. If that makes sense?
I write the first word hear and then fuss at what it looks like so much that I miss everything else that was said.
I really really struggle with the bored to sleep issue. I’ll be in meetings and nodding off and then when I try to go to sleep just soon after my brain won’t shut down. It’s such a struggle to try and stay engaged when the topic of the meeting is inherently boring.
I cant sleep at night but used to fall asleep in math
I unfortunately get a dose of this when I'm commuting for 90 minutes everyday. I'll be so drowsy I'll be hallucinating about my pillow, but the second I get home I'm wide awake and can't go to bed...
I’ve struggled with this my whole life. My best friend calls me falling asleep is my superpower but to me its also a curse often. Especially in situations like church, class, meetings, work training even. Places where I’m supposed to sit silently and pay attention and absorb information. If im not 100% engaged I start to doze off, even if I just finished one of the XL monsters. People always find it rude or disrespectful (Wihch is understandable) but it’s frustrating for me because I’m genuinely trying to pay attention and I feel like the sleep is happening at me. Then If I try to find something else to do to occupy my mind I get called out for not paying attention fully.
Agreed! I’ve found that colouring helps me stay awake and focused on what’s being said. If the person talking can cope with that it works a treat :) invest in a good set of colouring pens though!
@@midnight_yota I was regularly falling asleep in lectures, wonder what my professors thought of me... Once I even fell asleep during a test. Woke up some minutes later, finished the test, aced it.
I never knew what was wrong with me my whole life…I had trouble with life , at 63 I get a different psychiatrist, and right a way he asked how was my ADHD being treated? I went silent…and this awesome doctor walked me through this journey and prescribed me medication and my life slowly changed. I was devastated that my whole life could have been so much different if i would been diagnosed. Back in the 60’s they were barely diagnosing boys!
Not wrong, just different 😉
@@Alan_Duval it feels wrong stating at 68
@@itsonlyatail I sort of understand. I started at 48 (three years ago).
Where do you find friends, I’ve been caring for family constantly since 2016. I don’t want pity, I did what I felt was right, but it’s over and I stay home all the time, the people I did know, I feel bad because they got a over active version. I’m just given up
Working memory is personal hell. I loathe having the boardgame explanation moments because I'm so aware of how badly my brain checks out
If I’m hanging out with friends and they want to play a game that they try to read me instructions for (usually reading too fast and with lots of mumbling because THEY already know how to play), I always end up telling them I’ll watch them play a round first because if they read the instructions aloud it’s useless and just frustrates and embarrasses me. And I feel too much pressure to learn fast if I read them myself. I love playing games like Apples to Apples and What Do You Meme because the rules are essentially the same for all of that kind of game.
I haven't been diagnosed or anything, but the "falling asleep during something boring"... I used to draw in class and still got amazing grades. If a teacher told me to stop, I wouldn't, and they would let me continue because I got good grades, so clearly it wasn't affecting me (and maybe!? Helping me!?) I know a lot of people who got in trouble for that, so I'm glad I got lucky with cool and understanding teachers. Even in my adult life, I've moved to Germany and had to take to German classes, and I'm still drawing during those. It helps keep me grounded and to stop from daydreaming.
Drawing and/or doodling are underrated as focus aids.
I think science shows the drawing will improve processing and memory. It is not distraction. My notes have doodles
Me the same, drawing in class whilst I was thinking n teacher talking, a lot of the time, on my hand n arm, I do the same at home too
Same. I'd draw very detailed tiny things. Another student got in trouble for drawing and said well she can. He addressed me asking what he said. I looked up and repeated everything verbatim. He asked her if she could do that. She said no. He said thats why she can. Drawing helps a lot with the concentration. Glad you had cool teachers as well.
When I was in college, I would doodle while the lecture was being given…I apparently pissed my instructor off with how I am …her assuming I wasn’t paying attention….in front of the entire class she started talking mad crap about those students nobody likes and are a waste of everyone’s time….I continued to doodle because I had to in order to let my brain continue to absorb what she was saying but since I didn’t make eye contact I wasn’t paying attention and being disrespectful…lol…I said nothing until our grade came back and I had a 100% and finished the exam over her lecture first out of 20 some odd students…as I was leaving class passing her desk, I smiled and said guess I really was paying attention wasn’t I and I don’t care if “nobody likes me” cuz I don’t like them either but for good reasons unlike theirs and left…she realized early on that I’m not like the rest of the students cuz I still hold some of the highest scores even today my scores haven’t been beat at the college in my town…and they all assumed I was stupid 😂
There is also a sleep-phase shift the other way for some people. I was misdiagnosed for quite a while, and part of it was that no one thought i could be neurodivergent if i cane wake up at 6:00 every morning without an alarm clock.
It also caused me to miss out on a lot of social activities because i was just too tired, and people pegged me as being "too uptight" and "unsocial" because i was tired and needed to be IN BED at 10pm
I am like you. I wake up between 5 and 6 just naturally and at 10pm I drop dead. People also hate that I am too tired at night 😢
I feel you, if I have slept in I wake up at 6:30. I can easily wake up at 4am and get the things done and then be exhausted at 9am because I haven't stopped. For me a late night is going to bed later than 9:30pm. I guess that I am lucky that I haven't ever liked drinking/clubbing etc.
One of my sons is exactly like that. But he also told me that he didn't think he ever got any real sleep either.
I shifted to this through my fifties. I used to be able to go to bed at 4 a.m. and then sleep for 7 hours. Now I wake at 5 a.m. regardless and can get myself to "sleep-in" till about 6:30 a.m. so that means I've had to learn to get myself to bed by 11 p.m.
@@HobbitBroad it can be tricky if other people are up and about in the house. I learned to sleep with a radio on because my brothers (and later, my partner) keep me up if I have silence. Eye shades can also help in the summer then people are really active in the evenings outside of the window and stuff. I know some people who wear ear plugs but my neurodivergent ass can't deal with that.
When I worked retail, I had a hard time with neurotypicals, who wanted to be promoted but weren't good leaders, who didn't realize that interrupting me from my work really throws me off on staying focused and on task. Fortunately, I had a supervisor who had ND kids, and when I finally clearly stated my issues and what I needed, in order to be successful, she supported me, and I was the best member of the team. I just needed to be in a reasonable setting, for what works for me. I went from constantly failing to being on top of my game almost instantly because I was dealing with someone who understood ADHD, anxiety, etc. who got that I had some measure of coping skills.
I tried working in a corporate setting and lasted 3 years. This was before I was diagnosed. I was criticized for my behaviors and got no real recognition for the work I did. My replacement came in with less experience than myself and was trained by me to do what took me 3 years to develop. In the end they forced me to leave because I was taking too long to find another job. I ended up back working with my father. They actually tried to have me come in as a consultant for the work I used to do because no one could do what I had been doing for them. I declined because I needed to focus on the job with my father. Now I own my father's company and I work with people who do not have a problem with my behaviors and appreciate the work I do.
I was not aware there was a separate diagnosis auditory processing disorder. I always told people I have auditory dyslexia. Almost daily I have to tell my companion that if she needs me to do something tomorrow she has to send it as a text to my phone or I will forget about by the time I go to bed.
I want diagnosed until 38. And honestly, it was people talking about it on tiktok that finally made me think, "huh, maybe I should ask my doctor about this". I did, and her reaction was basically, "oh honey, and you're just now bringing this up?". She got me a psych referral and 20min later she was prescribing me meds to help. In her notes that I read later, she described me "Aloof.Alert.Anxious" which is my own personal Live Laugh Love now.
Diagnosed with dual ASD and combined ADHD age 42
That last sentence! 😆 I was also diagnosed this year at 38, and it explains a lot.
Similar here. Been thinking about it for years....found old texts and messages where I was talking about it....then I was diagnosed a week before I turned 40
ALSO diagnosed at age 38.
😂
As a teacher with ADHD, I assumed that I could easily adapt my classes and expectations to be neurodivergent-friendly. However, it's been painful to see that the things that would have made school easier for me don't necessarily help my students. I also struggle with (what I perceive to be) the impulse control behavior problems. I don't want to constantly be getting the same kids in trouble, but when they can't self-regulate and disrupt class for everyone else or put themselves or others in danger, the only recourse I have is to send them to the office or write a referral. I know one or two kids can't take priority over the rest of the class, but I also want them to have the outlets they need so they don't act out in ways that negatively affect others.
Yep. Sadly this is an issue with the entire system of school. I don't think we can address these problems with accommodations because they undermine the entire system of discipline and structure required for school to function as it was intended. We've accepted that many institutions weren't designed with neurodiversity in mind. I think we're going to have to take that further and understand that there's only so much you can do to change something that was never intended to accommodate us in the first place. You'll never make a table into a good shovel and vice versa. Not without totally deconstructing it to the point of it not being able to do it's original function anymore. To accommodate all the different needs of neurodivergent kids we have to accept that mainstream school needs to be totally revolutionised from the ground up. I mean so different you wouldn't recognise it as school. Or we need to go back to having separate institutions. There's no inbetween at the moment. Not if we want to continue using the same metrics of success like test scores and graduation rates. All of which are natural products of the current system.
Since I’m not familiar with what can be put into place with IEPs in the classroom: is it too disrupting to the classroom to put something into place along the lines of (insert name) can stand up quietly in the back of the classroom within eyesight every x minutes? Because I honestly couldn’t care less if it’s not disrupting if another child asks well why can’t I get that too? It’s an opportunity to say well different people have different needs and focus on what you need to do to be successful in school. I really wish I could advocate for my former self who was put in a box by my school psychologist who didn’t understand why I needed a 504 plan when I was getting straight As, 5th in my class in an IB program my junior year in high school. I had to explain to this incompetent person the price I paid for my good grades.
I have this struggle running a business. It’s really weird to be on both sides. Dealing with my own issues makes me try harder to make my workplace more accommodating, but there are limits to how accommodating I can be. One example-The business opens at 9. I have my own problems with mornings, and every damn day I struggle with this so I have a lot of empathy. I have proven a million times over that I am not lazy or unmotivated, so anyone who suggests that is just…nope. I still need my other ND employees to also be on time. When they aren’t it negatively impacts everyone. Or staying on necessary medications…I get all the problems of remembering deadlines, making calls or appointments, ordering and picking up, and then remembering to take them….not doing this severely impacts your ability to function at work. Again, I’m on both sides of the nuance of why it’s so hard. But if someone can’t do their job because they’re not taking their meds, that can’t be a good excuse do not do your job. It’s totally unfair to all the people around you. I struggle as a boss around being empathetic and accommodating while also making sure that people understand that it is a job, and you do have to be able to do the work at the end of the day. These are important conversations, because like you said- what you thought would be helpful to others didn’t work like you thought it would. If someone asks me for an accommodation and I can do it, the no problem. But sometimes accommodations actually can’t be made. Like you can’t ask to come it at 10, because we open at 9. Who is going to cover for you for one hour? Not just once, but for forever…Because that is what you are asking is for someone else to be responsible for your work during that time (while they are also doing their own). I don’t know if that’s the best example, but it’s a real conversation I’ve had. Also, other employees have their own stuff going on. They are often willing to help in a pinch but not endlessly. So on the surface the ask can sound reasonable but you have to consider how it impacts everyone on the team (or class in your case). I’ve felt very challenged to manage my own conditions, be empathetic and accommodating, AND meet the needs of my customers and business. My thoughts on what accommodating means for both parties have evolved over time. It’s also made me consider my own abilities and responsibility for figuring things out for myself. It’s frequently messy and unclear. Sometimes I take too much responsibility and eventually someone is like’ why didn’t you just ask for help?’. I love, love, love that we are even having this conversation….30 years ago it wasn’t like this. I’m a hot mess, but frankly so is like every 3rd person I know, so I hope everyone here can give yourself and everyone around us a little grace!❤
@@embr9723honestly this is so weird, why can't ND people choose a shift within your business that better aligns with their needs? If 9 to 5 is the only available shift, YOU as the business owner have not created an environment conducive to having ADHD employees, period. And if there is, suggest they switch to that shift or corrective action be taken. As you know since you claim to be ND, your ND employees don't need to be infantilized, they need to be accommodated and your inability to accommodate is not their failure or an excuse to whinge about how you wish they'd just come in on time
@@eveemcghee4454 I hear you. It’s not weird at all. I have a 9-5 business, so the hours are nine to five. If someone comes in at a later time, someone else has to be there when that person isn’t there- this is an example when trying to be accommodating hasn’t worked well. The reality is that I can’t meet every accommodation- it may just not be a good fit for some. It’s a small business, so extending the hours doesn’t work for me- I am also a human with needs, one of which is not woking longer hours to accommodate another person. I’d personally love the hours to be like11-7, but that’s not the business that I’m in. This is a choice made after multiple attempts over time.To say my business isn’t really accommodating based on that alone also is not correct. It’s more true to say that I can’t accommodate every need. Right now 2/3 of my staff are diagnosed NDs. We do a lot of accommodating, and mostly it makes it a great team because we know each other’s specific needs well. My point is that I can’t meet all needs and still run my service based business. I hate it, but it’s true. Sometimes it really isn’t fair to ask everyone around to move the world for you- I would know, I was a terrible employee for a long time. People who don’t get being ND see my progress as finally ‘getting motivated’ but I know that not true. I stacked many little things that (mostly) worked for me- habits, medication, systems for dealing with stuff and people. By no means have I solved my issues. I just accepted that it was ok to do it messy. As an owner I have a different perspective now- people often don’t understand how their actions affect everyone around them (that’s true for everyone, not just ND’s). One of the biggest successes in my life is finally realizing that I can make my own space. That doesn’t mean that it’s a good fit for everyone! The key takeaway of the being on time example is the negative impact it has on the other staff. I’ve learned that considering that is equally important. Sometimes I can’t know the impact until we try- unforeseen consequences and all. The staff I have are great and we communicate a lot, frequently imperfectly, but we know it’s a safe space for all of us. I mainly just want to affirm the post I responded to with the teacher who was also trying to build better spaces in her classroom while addressing the needs of ALL the kids. I’m betting that the work she’s done is absolutely helping some of them! We try, sometimes it works, sometimes not. It’s ok for it not to be perfect all the time, and again- just so grateful the discussion is occurring at all.
Restraint collapse??? That’s a THING?? Omg thank you Mickey, what you’ve done for me by talking about this is immense 😭😭♥️
My daughter does that. It's hard not to take it personally. We both have ADD. I was masking even at home as a child. Not that I expect her to do the same. I am glad to know that she feels safe enough to unmask at home.
yep. I had this restraint collapse happen to me once in public while we were out shopping. My then 3 years old son had an episode in a bookshop because I did not recognise his symptoms. So I had to hug him tight and hide away in a corner of the shop until he had calmed down. It took about 30 minutes. Once he was calm again, we both walked out of the book shop and went straight home. I never made that mistake again. If he ever started getting cranky then it was time to go home!!
This is why I rarely go out anymore. Being out around other people is EXHAUSTING.
So maybe it isn't BPD then ? Because everything else fits .
@@janedoex1398 The Psychiatrists in their thousand dollar Armani suits had me diagnosed as bipolar from the 1980s to the 2000s when a community health guy in jeans and a polo shirt said, "You aren't bipolar. You've never been bipolar. You're autistic, here's why ..." Then when I told family, told friends, the pretty much universal response was, "Well, that would explain why the bipolar treatments weren't doing much of anything, and, ya know, it would explain that ... and that ... and that ... and that ..."
I laughed when you said people don't like that you speak too fast - I always watch YT at double speed, yes, even yours! 😂
ha! thought I was the only one annoying everyone around me whenever I'm watching YT!!!
You really got me with the vocal stims/mimicking accents. I suspect I have echolalia because whenever I’m watching a show and I hear a word or name that sounds nice I repeat it over and over which tends to annoy people if I’m in company.
Sometimes I feel especially embarrassed because I might mimic accents (the way someone says a certain word with a foreign accent, for example) without intending for it to sound offensive, but it comes off as such. I just have a massive interest in languages and linguistics and it’s hard to explain that I just like how the specific word/accent/way the person said it tickles my dopamine receptors without sounding like an ignorant ass. It’s like I have a physical compulsion to repeat the word and if I don’t I get fidgety and anxious.
Same here. The words sound so good you just have to say them yourself!
That's kind of a super power . I have always been able to understand anybody , no matter how heavy an accent , or verbal challenge. I'm your yang !!
Lol.. I'm actually relieved to know that I'm not the only one who experiences this little quirk.. I am immensely fascinated and obsessed with accents, and I get wayyyy too excited when I meet someone in person that has one.. most of them get a kick outta my excitement, but there have been some who thought I was a mega weirdo.. I have been a natural accent mimic and translator all my life though, so I'm pretty used to people thinking I'm weird, strange or eccentric.. now I just own that it's just a quirky aspect of who I am, and whoever doesn't like it, well that's a personal problem on their end and isn't really something I should concern myself with.. tryna fit into society's expectations of who and how I should be, has only ever caused more problems and struggles for me, so I'm extremely grateful that I was blessed to finally reach a point where I could just allow myself to be who I am authentically, and let go of caring what everyone else thinks or believes about who it is I am supposed to be.. I'm not typical or normal, and that's just a part of what makes me uniquely stand out from the crowd.. why fit in when I was made to stand out?!😊❤😂😇🥰🤗😉💯😜😎🌟🌈
My dad does this (most likely autistic) and it's very overwhelming for me bc of my own autism to deal with the sudden noise, but I do the same now occasionally so I understand it a bit better
Can you FEEL words in your mouth? Like, pronouncing them feels different? Not all words, just certain ones...
I was diagnosed with ADHD at 33, and I haven't had much time to research it beyond the commonly discussed symptoms and behaviours. Separately, I was also diagnosed with idiopathic hypersomnia ('narcolepsy light,' as my doctor put it). I've always had a sensitivity to sound, like bass noises enrage me because I can't block it out like I can with other annoying sounds--the vibrations are inescapable. I have above-average hearing, but always found it odd that I seem to go deaf when there are too many noises. Three people talking at once, someone talking over loud music, a murmuring crowd... It takes me half a minute to process someone is talking to me, and longer to parse what they say.
I'm not bad at math, but even simple mental calculations can take me a shamefully long time. I have a hard time remembering things in the moment, but an elephant's memory after the fact.
And most unexpected was the restraint meltdown. Especially staring into the void. But I've also just come home after a long day where nothing went terribly wrong, but I just breakdown sobbing and don't know why. Or I get whiny, I hear it in my voice and hate how petulant I sound. When I had a compressed schedule and had a day off in the middle of the week, I'd make the decision not to take my meds on that day or one of my weekend days, just because my brain is so tired of being forced to remain structured and effective. Now, I need my weekends to do literally anything productive, like chores and personal art projects, so I have no downtime to be a chaotic gremlin. I'm so emotionally drained...
I didn't realize all of these things were common with ADHD. Knowing that, I feel a little relieved, like I'm not as broken as I thought. But I also feel.... Grief. For the life I could have built if I'd been diagnosed earlier and learned to manage it sooner....
OMG I didn't know this was potentially an ADHD symptom! I fucking hate bass (that I'm not in control of), whistling, dry hands rubbing together, too many people talking at once - it irks me to the point that I just want to shut down or rage😩 like OMG! everybody shut TF up 💀
@@Nikki_with_the_blikkiit is not. It is autism
I love the cello but my ears find the higher octaves on the violiin, flute and soprano sax unbearably painful. Especially, if they linger up there too long.
People chewing, sniffling repeatedly (blow your damn nose!!), or scuffing their shoes/boots on the ground when they walk all send me over the edge! Ugh! 🤯🤬
Now imagine that and being dyslexic 😭😭Life is so unfair.
Dx with ADHD at age 38. This year I turned 50 and I had some kind of “break” just before my birthday where it seriously, seriously affected both my home and work life negatively (coulda lost both job and marriage) .
My husband said it was like I had let go of all my executive function.
Now I get it.
I understand now what has happened to me.
This is sincerely a personal revelation.
Thank you! ❤
Menopause can exacerbate it.
The late sleeping thing is what makes us to very well with shift work. I usually explain it to other people as someone had to watch for night predators. Thank you for all you do to de stigmatize neurodivergence.
Can confirm. Did 2 years overnight and had no trouble adjusting 😂. It did not help w my mental health though because I basically had no life and my relationships suffered. Recently switched to going in at 5a n i think the meds are helping me waking up because I haven’t struggled like i thought i would have. Got diagnosed 6 months ago, mid 30s.
I did graveyard shift but post office was a no and not for long but i slept fine in the day until age 26 and now im 45 and wake up hourly but still a total night person. I can not force myself to sleep or sleep early, I just cant if i know I have to get up.
It took me two Months learning how to sleep before 12 am but I quickly couldn’t keep it up and now my husbands schedule changed back so I will go right back to sleeping issues
Being 46, and realizing how many of these things reflect my experiences... I'm having trouble getting a diagnosis. It seems hard for them to understand that I've had to find ways to cope. I say "this is me", they say "you seem fine". Well I've had decades trying to survive, Dr, so my mask is 46 years old too.
Do you know the song 'The Stranger,' by Billy Joel?
Key lyric:
We all have a face that we hide away forever
We take them out and show ourselves when everyone is gone
My wife has ADHD and I'm autistic. She's always been really wonderful and understanding, and I want to learn how I can support her in the same way. This video was very helpful, so thank you.
I was diagnosed, finally, with ADHD last year at the age of 56. I’ve always had “issues” but it was never so out of control until menopause. The symptoms I had before menopause were more manageable but not only are the symptoms I had less manageable but I have ones that are new as well. Right now I’m quoting lines from the Nightmare Before Christmas randomly throughout my day. I don’t do it in public but at home I feel free to quote as much as I want. My husband who has OCPD (and no insight, I’m helping him with that one) will ask me who I’m talking to. He thinks I’m being strange but I’m just trying to having fun. I do it a lot when I’m doing housework because it’s so dreadfully boring. It’s a challenge to see how many I can recite without a mistake while I am on autopilot while cleaning stuff. I really can’t help it sometimes. I’m also too damn old to care what anyone thinks. I spent my whole life beating myself and trying to pass as normal up until I finally figured out what was really going on. I’m not going to augment my personality at home, it’s too exhausting.
I hear you!! I’m 51 and my ADHD symptoms have been ramping up since my mid 40s. I feel like I’ve lost 3 jobs and all my self confidence due to how much more ADHD is affecting me in perimenopause and menopause, and the only treatment I could get was for depression, which honestly just made everything worse. I’ve just been re-evaluated for ADHD (I was initially diagnosed when I was 26). Incidentally, my sister and I used to quote the Disney Robin Hood all the time in middle school and high school. Sending you love!😊
Is that why I feel like I am getting worse instead of better? I am 59 years old and undiagnosed for ADHD right now. Menopause can affect our symptoms??
@@francescathomas3502 I don’t have all the research at my fingertips but I think the hormone changes really do affect our symptoms. I know that for me, until I finally got HRT (and I had to use an online service because I wasn’t getting the right kind, going through my regular doctor and insurance company), I literally though I was losing my mind. I could NOT function until I got a prescription for Estradiol. But that only brought me part of the way. I’ve been going through major depression, and I think I the biggest component of that for me were the unrecognized symptoms which were getting worse and worse. I should get feedback from my evaluation next week so I’m anxious to figure out what steps are next
Hi. Similar late diagnosis and yes, much worse after stopping HRT (hormone replacement therapy)
If you are under age 65 HRT is still considered safe; numerous benefits in all aspects of physical & mental health to have some estrogen & / or progesterone. The patches are low dose
Managed to live well with undiagnosed ADHD UNTIL menopause. It changed everything. Mainly anxiety which has fed all the other symptoms. Had a stable partner for my whole adult life too, and after his sudden death, I have also struggled to cope with basic life things. Didn’t realise how much he kept me regulated and did the things I was “bad at” eg, understand our mortgage and saving for the future. Living alone hasn’t been good for me unfortunately.
When you used the calculating tips at a restaurant example it explains SO MUCH why math has always been a struggle for me, even when I had to take basic algebra classes for college. I just got diagnosed by my neuropsychologist a few months ago after suspecting I had ADHD for over a year. Thanks for doing what you do, I've been learning a lot regarding therapy and mental health from you!
I received my ADHD diagnosis in early grade school. My father made sure I never got a refill on my meds. So I "forgot" about that diagnosis until my 40s. I find it fascinating the things we're learning are part of ADHD or co-morbid with it. I've learned some stuff here, and that's what I'm after!
Working Memory - I had no idea this was a thing. I'm pretty sure I also have a form of dyscalculia. Numbers are stupid hard for me.
Wait, so my tendency for accent acquisition may be part of my ADHD? See, that's fascinating.
And here I just always thought I had a late circadian rhythm. Second or third shifts work the best for me, always have. To be functional at 9 am, I have to get up two hours early and drink a couple of cups of coffee while doing something "soft" for my brain to wake up slowly. That's how I became addicted to Minecraft videos. LOL
Thanks, Mickey!
Circadian rhythms are weird.
For example, the 24-hour cycle is just the 'typical' cycle. Some people have shorter or longer cycles than that. Mine is about 25 hours, which means I'm always feeling like it's too early to go to bed or wake up. This means that there are weekends where I only have 2 sleep sessions instead of 3 to 'reset' my wake time so I can be up in time for work. Meanwhile, while my husband's cycle is close to 24 hours, he's actively nocturnal, so he prefers to get up in the afternoon and go to bed in the morning.
This comment had me cracking up, because this is my son in a nutshell! Our pediatrician actually told us to give him coffee and it’s been the best thing! He doesn’t like to give Meds unless it’s absolutely necessary (which I’m thankful for!) and in this stage of life coffee seems to be the best “medicine”.
Haha, coffee knocks me unconscious.....it doesnt work on me the way it does others.
Its a weird sensation to feel, falling asleep in my chair with my heart racing from the coffee.😅
That makes no sense that the doctor would tell you that. Coffee is contraindicated in children because it has cardiac effects. Ritalin is listed as a softer drug in the stimulant class of medications (caffeine is in the same class.) I get heart palpitations when I consume the amount of caffeine needed to treat my ADHD. I've never had palpitations from Ritalin and I'm a 60 y.o. with excellent blood pressure all while taking Ritalin daily.
You just described me !!
My father used to tell me that I was too immature and that nobody was going to marry me because I lived in a Hello Kitty world.
I was diagnosed with ADHD by my psychiatrist at age 46. Fast forward 8 years and only now I am learning more about ADHD. This video is pure gold.
A month later…. I’m a 43 year old grown woman with ASD and a squishmallow collection that rivals an 8 year old’s. You can exist in a Hello Kitty world and I can exist in my squishmallow palace. Ain’t a damn thing wrong ❤
My dad was the same way.
Thank you for this information. I'm 64 years and just recently beginning to understand the broad dimension of symptoms of ADHD. I had no idea! The sleeping issues linked to ADHD are news to me, and a relief to learn. I catch a lot of judgement and displeasure from family and friends about my abnormal sleep habits - up late, wake late. It causes me shame. So, thank you for enlightening me.
I thought - judgement and displeasure from family and friends about "abnormal" sleep habits - up late, wake late - is something very German, or Austrian, in our case where getting up early is a sign of industriousness. If you iron clothes at 4 am, it makes a big difference if you are still up (lazy) or an early bird (laudible) ...
I've learned to get into action based careers, like working with animals, and bring a whitewater raft guide. Rafting in particular is very stimulating, the river changes everyday, I have to pay attention to my environment and make adjustments based of my guests abilities, on top of trying to chat with them. Outdoor jobs have been life changing for me, and I wanted to share this because there is a community of people who can't handle working a normal 9-5 who have passionately found joy in the outdoor industry. So if moving is your jam, know that you have options.
I'd rather not.
@@luciatheron1621 that's okay, it's not for you :) you can find joy in so many things.
❤ An ADHD video on coping with abuse, RSD, and late diagnosis would be awesome. A million thanks to you and Aaron for your work and the good it does! ❤
Yes, I would like that too! There are some materials on how to deal with abuse, childhood trauma etc. but I can't find anything good that targets both these issues and ADHD.
💯 want this too!
Yes, PLEASE!!!
For RSD I recommend Dr Schubiner’s book Unlearn Your Pain, it’s finally moved the needle for me after 10 years of chronic pain. And yes, Dr Maté is great and his book Scattered Minds is a good resource.
@@katerowswell7489 Thanks. I watched him a bit and like how he explains trauma but I don't agree with his views on ADHD so I haven't tried diving into his ADHD materials. Maybe I will try that as he may have some good advice
I'm 10 seconds in and I can say as someone diagnosed with ADHD and ASD and I not only have 2 degrees but a career in engineering. It's not a hindrance to a great life. I know some ppl it might be harder I'm just saying you don't have to be the stereotype you can be way more. Mickey is also a great example of how it's not the end of the world to have ADHD. You can succeed.
It is interesting, I lived close to the Colorado School of Mines (Engineering school). I am dyslexic, and have known about it for most of my life, only recently realizing I had APD and ADHD. I told an engineer once I could not become an engineer because of my dyslexia and she told me that it is very common for engineers, it seems the neurodivergent mind is very adept to engineering. Brilliant minds are often Neurodivergent minds.
@@shannonarrington8049 100% eh.
I'm also dyslexic and I will be going down the contract route with engineering. That's preparing documents and managing contracts and works with an engineering consultancy. I often describe myself as coming from a family of dyslexic tradesmen with ADHD (my whole family has signs of both and I have other diagnosed family members) but I am proof that doesn't hold you back.
I've learned success it two fold ... mindset and luck. If you believe you can't ... you can't. simple. If you believe you can, you'll find a way. That's why I never think of myself as broken with something to fix. There's nothing wrong with being ND. Yes we think different and yes we have extra challenges. Its about figuring out how to work with those challenges and see them not as holding us back but things that can help us go forward.
Let's put it this way ... I never grew tall enough to be a model but that doesn't mean I can't find success elsewhere. Because I didn't grow tall enough doesn't mean I'm defective, just means I didn't grow tall enough. Nothing I can do about that, but being a model isn't the only way to success in this world. I just need to find something that fits what I'm good at and the success will come.
Differently abled. ❤️ We all contribute. 🙂
Please say "It wasn't a hindrance to a great life FOR ME." Because it 1000% has been for me. I wasn't even diagnosed until my late 30s and I'm still trying to figure out what works to help overcome the very significant challenges it has created. Even if someone is diagnosed earlier, if they aren't taught the tools to help navigate it, it can still be a hindrance. I'm SUPER happy that there are people like you who were not negatively affected but there are a vast number of people who have been. Circumstances and degrees of neurodivergence can make a huge difference.
Don't get me wrong. I have some success and hope for more but it had been and continues to be a hindrance.
Thank you so much! There so much misinformation out there about ADHD. People question if i have it because on days i'm not medicated and don't keep myself moving I could honestly sleep for about 20 hours no problem. If my brain isn't occupied it just wants to sleep.
My sister and I both struggle with most of the stuff you talk about in this video. I have 2 boys, one has inattentive type ADHD and i didn't get him diagnosed as a child because i was always told "but he's such a good boy and so smart, he can't possibly have ADHD" but it was mostly because his interests aligned with school work for the most part, he had no trouble paying attention as he likes to learn. My youngest is combined type and an entirely different story. It has been a struggle to get him the help he needs but since receiving occupational therapy, counselling, and medication the world has become a much nicer place for him!
It was in trying to get help for my youngest and reading more and more about ADHD and neurodivergence that myself, my sister, and my oldest son (he is an adult, his brother is only 6) found out that we struggled with all these symptoms our whole lives but they kept being misdiagnosed as anxiety and depression. Getting stimulant medication for myself has helped me be able to live life without the constant frustration, brain fog, low self esteem, and low energy that i struggled with every day. I'm so much more capable now of maintaining my composure, and being a calm and attentive parent.
I think a lot of ADHD kids have undiagnosed parents and it makes it so much harder because if the adult isn't able to model emotional regulation, composure, positive habits, and stick
To routines, it throws everything else into total chaos which was what we were dealing with for so long.
People love to say "ADHD is over-diagnosed" i think if anything it's under diagnosed, especially in older populations. The world wants us to think and act a certain way, and I just don't think it's something that comes natural for a large majority of people. I think it's not neccessarily something that needs to be considered a disorder overall, but in the way our current society functions it is. ☹️. I often feel like in a different time or different type of society, my ADHD would be a positive attribute, whereas in a "sit down (or stand up) and work for 8 hours at one specific task" society it is a negative. I am lucky that the career I now have is a hyperfocus, because when it wasn't, work was a struggle every day.
Its refreshing how fast you talk! ❤ So many people talk too slowly in their videos and I zone out instantly. You kept my attention this entire 15 minute video🎉
some... people... talk...so....so....slowly... and I'm thinking ugharghahhhh!!!! SPIT IT OUT!!! LOL
Saaaaaame! 😅❤
I had no idea that restraint collapse could come in the form of shutting down or spacing out!! No wonder I didn't think I was experiencing this. So helpful Mickey ❤
So glad to see someone talk about this. As a young blonde woman who has all of these symptoms in my ADHD experience, I think they really compound together along with my looks into why people talk to me like I was born yesterday. I hope people realize someday because it's so incredibly frustrating and makes you feel crazy to say something, and then have people 'correct' you by saying literally the same thing with slightly different words.
I'm not young, blonde, or female but I get similar things and often feel like I must be speaking a different language that just happens to have the same words in it. I've given up trying to rephrase what I say because I find NTs unable to get away from what they initially thought I was saying. I used to think it was me but now I see it as their deficit and I only bother to rephrase if they ask.
I actually really love the pace at which you speak! - (A fellow ADHDer)
me too LOL
Me too! I'm like Thank God someone speaks as fast as I do, and keeps my attention so my mind doesn't wander!
Mickey has brought up a few things here that help me be a little more gentle to myself... especially the fact that I operate best on a night owl schedule, and I'm tired of being criticized for it
"If you take on people's accents when you're around them too long." THAT is me, and explains why my accent when speaking French and Spanish far exceed my actual fluency in either.
In getting my son diagnosed I realised I have ADHD to. Literally crying 😭 soo much makes sense now
Man. I exist in a similar space that you do, as a mental health clinician who also has ADHD. For me, executive functioning difficulties have had the highest negative impact on my everyday life. & working in this role as an adult (esp with children & youth that also have ADHD) has been eye opening & saddening. I particularly have struggled so hard with the delayed sleep issue that it’s impacted my job security. I literally CANNOT get up in the morning and my brain needs at least 3-4 hours to do absolutely nothing before i can even begin to sleep…i always say that I don’t want to do, hear or watch anything that requires critical thinking. Even with knowing the disorder, it’s so reassuring to hear another clinician emphasize that my presentation isn’t a moral failure or a reflection of not being a functional adult, but rather a function of my neurodivergence. Thank you for this vid 🙏🏾
I got my diagnosis 2 years ago at 21. I felt like an alien my whole life, like I don‘t belong to earth. All those little things that made me feel different - but so many of those little things, that it consumed me. I remember that I assumed not going to survive in this world as a young kid, because I‘m already overwhelmed by almost no tasks. I tried masking all my flaws and I felt like a loser not keeping track of hiding. Since 2 years I try to unmask; to heal. It‘s uncomfortable and liberating at the same time. And it‘s sad. I feel sorry for my younger self, who was alone with this and wish I could tell her that she‘ll get help
Best wishes to you!
Bugger. I'm 47, a consultant Clinical Psychologist and I've only just twigged I most probably have adhd. I got through years of being just fine academically through what I now realise is really useful hyperfocusing and some well learned structural organisational skills. However it explains the complete mess of organisation the rest of my life is, my terrible diary organising, the state of my house, my talking way way too fast and so many other symptoms I just put down to not trying hard enough. I don't think this will probably change too much for me but maybe I can get better at practising what I preach in being kind to myself when I screw up. Thank you - I think until I saw another qualified therapist who is a lot like me in so many ways, I didn't think I could be adhd and manage to qualify and get through my daily working life. Hopefully this will help me be an even better therapist to people. Keep doing what you do and keeping making a difference ❤
8:55 It's funny that many people complain about how fast you speak. At the time of watching this video I had 5 others in the queue and the only way I could lower the urge to click next was to watch this video at 1.5x speed.😂 Speaking is my biggest frustration. My brain moves like lightning. I've already worked out the beginning, middle and end of a topic before I can even get the right words to express those thoughts. Even writing this comment took me like 30 minutes because I've become so obsessed with expressing myself in a concise manner. All my life I was told thinks like, "you talk too much" or "your stories never have a point/get to a point" or "oh, is that it? What was the point?" And I can't even count how many times people have become impatient with me because I take long pauses, or use the wrong word or replace it with "thingamajig" just so that I don't pause. It made me very obsessive of how I express myself. It's to the point where, if I have something to say in a conversation, I'll zone out and figure out how I'm going to say what I need to say without stumbling over my words.
I was diagnosed with ADHD quite late in my life, and the process of unmasking has been liberating and scary at the same time. I realised I've never been able to be my authentic self because of all the negative comments I got. I always thought these things I struggled with were character flaws and that I was somehow fundamentally flawed in an irreparable way.
Only now that I'm trying to unmask did I realise how draining it's been to just live. I'm grateful for channels like this because it's how I started to become aware of what adhd actually is and ultimately led me to going to get assessed.
This is also the first time I've ever left a comment this long haha! I'm not sure if anyone will ever read it, but thank you for getting to the end if you did read it.😊😊
This video is so validating 🥺🥺After moving in with my husband, i really started to notice just how differently we function around stimuli when the tv's on or doing simple tasks that really made me start to wonder if i was in fact neurodivergent. As a girl I've lived being told that "I'm just too energetic and at the same time unbothered", i often say i know two languages but can speak neither of them bc my brain feels like it works too fast, stimming is super common for me, i have a million hobbies for every occasion bc SOMETHING needs to keep me focused or how am i supposed to get anything done. I can't watch anything on a big screen bc as a kid we had an older tv that you could always hear the humm of and it would bother me so much for apparently no reason that even now that they don't humm as much as they used to, just having a tv on makes me uncomfortable and i just don't watch movies or shows if i can help it.
I was once trying to get my husbands attention by going tss tss tss psst and he wasn't listening to me until i called his name. He apologized and didn't mean to ignore me but "it's just that your always making noises and I let you do your thing. It's cute. I'm sorry🥹"
Once I'm back in the states i hope to get a formal diagnosis for all my ~suspicions~🙈
Thank you, Mickey for all you do❤️❤️ Sending love from South Korea🫶🏼
13:00 Absolutely! Waking up early isn't the "normal" default setting of humans, especially teens, who are still growing and need more sleep! My dad is a morning person, but none of the rest of us are. Getting up early for a timeclock, and working for hours on end in one place, is a demand made by the factory owners of the industrial revolution, and we've built our current societial norms around that. When your body can sleep isn't a moral issue! Just take care of yourself the best you can. ❤️
It’s counter intuitive to my neurodivergent brain always hated it
Sometimes my combination of auditory processing and speech disorders, plus trauma response in social/professional situations leads to me becoming nonverbal. Sometimes I can slowly explain that that is what is happening, but other times I am just immobilized. I've also found that, if I can write down "I am in overwhelm, and I cannot speak right now" in chat (or on a piece of paper in person) that can help take the pressure off of the moment.
(edited for clarity)
I do this as well! Writing down things is my number one tool
You are authentic, articulate, very easy to follow your presentation, on point, clearly a gifted lecturer, therapist and educator. I’ve just learned so much about my husband in the last few minutes listening to you then I have in 41 years being together. I don’t know how I found you or if you found me but from the bottom of my heart I thank you for who you are for what you’ve just shared, and for your depth of knowledge. ❤
I love all the cool stuff you have on the walls in the background. I would probably spend like 10 hours looking at everything if I was over there. Thanks for the great info. I wasn't diagnosed but my therapist suspects I have it.
Maybe it’s just bc I’m also adhd but I’ve never thought you talk particularly fast.😅 That aside, this video just keeps getting progressively more relatable as I get further in…
I didn't think it was fast either xD english isn't even my first language
Side note on that: american english to my german ears is a very slooow language. We talk a lot faster in general
I am New Yorker. How fast is too fast!!?
I don't remember if I mentioned this before, but I wanted to say that your videos about seeking help and adhd have been a part in me seeking a diagnosis, and getting one. I'm seeing a therapist for things related to adhd, mostly practical solutions to my most pressing problems right now, and I'm getting medication, and I can't stress enough how much this has helped me. So thanks for being a part in me recognising I might have ADHD and getting a diagnosis.
The lack of physical hyperactivity has been a real deterrent for me, I wasn't really a child who would run around a lot, and I'm still not, so I never once considered ADHD. Turns out that the hyperactivity is mostly an internal thing for me.
This is the first time I've ever heard anyone talking about auditory processing disorder. I had someone check my hearing when I was a teenager/emerging adult, and they said I might very like have APD. And then the video progressed... I have literally ALL of these issues/symptoms. I was diagnosed with ADHD just this last summer at 38 years old and so far my entire life has begun to make so much sense. I started a medication last month, and I've been able to do things that I've been trying FOR LITERAL YEARS to do like it was nothing. I hope I can finally get my life back on track and actually be a functional human being after falling through the cracks my whole life.
Note that it took me THREE AND A HALF YEARS to get diagnosed, even tangentially by my family doctor, because I missed the phone call from the specialist because they changed the date of the appointment over the phone with me and off-set it by a week+1 day. By the time I got off the phone, I had forgotten what they told me with no way to call them back, then the pandemic happened and I'm still back in 2019 in my brain. One missed phone call and my whole life was stalled by 3.5 years because I just couldn't make another call to my old doctor after I moved just before the shutdowns. Everything I've been unable to do or achieve my whole life has come into sharp focus since realizing I might have ADHD all the way to finally starting the medication I clearly needed, and I feel like I could have been an entirely different person if my doctors and teachers had simply listened to me when I said, "I think there's something wrong, but I can't figure out what or why. Why can't I do these things that should be so easy? They should be easy, but they're not." And I think it is thanks to channels like these that have finally helped me get back onto the road to recovery after 38 years of being left behind and feeling lost and abandoned.
Thank you for taking the time to make this content, because it really does help people.
🎯 Key Takeaways for quick navigation:
01:41 🎧 *Discussion on Auditory Processing Disorders*
- Auditory processing disorders as a separate diagnosis.
- The challenges and manifestations of auditory processing disorders.
- Links between ADHD and auditory processing disorders.
04:44 🧠 *Understanding Working Memory Issues*
- Working memory as a part of executive functioning.
- The struggles people with ADHD face due to working memory issues.
- The analogy of working memory as a mental workspace.
06:22 🌪️ *Exploring Restraint Collapse*
- Definition and explanation of restraint collapse.
- Causes and manifestations of restraint collapse.
- Addressing shame and stigma associated with restraint collapse.
08:53 🗣️ *Speech Disorders and Neurodivergency*
- Common speech disorders observed in neurodivergent individuals.
- The impact and manifestations of speech disorders.
- Addressing misconceptions and stigma related to speech disorders.
11:10 🌙 *Insights into Sleep Disorders Associated with ADHD*
- Various types of sleep disorders that can co-occur with ADHD.
- The challenges faced by individuals with ADHD in relation to sleep.
- Addressing stigma and misconceptions about sleep patterns in ADHD individuals.
Made with HARPA AI
5:15 Thank you for also casually including that not everyone sees literal pictures in their mind when "picturing" a scene! Your explanation and clarification is good on multiple fronts: includes those of us who see few or no images, educates those of us who don't know that other folks either do or do not actually "see" images in their heads when imaging, and clarifies for those of us who might take the phrase "visualize this" as a direct instruction and miss what's said next while trying to visualize. Live you! 💕
I’m 43 diagnosed last year, adhd and autistic, I have severe CPTSD, anorexia, gad, bpd from a very chaotic childhood with a narcissistic mother and a father who used his fists on her. I have 3 sons and 2 are ASD. I had them from 17 but I made sure I broke the trauma bond. I’m on meds for 20 years for anxiety as I was misdiagnosed and to be honest I’m struggling big time to understand how to just be. I’m glad I was diagnosed as it makes so much sense but the very limited access to help in Ireland is horrific so just to say thank you for doing these types of videos.
I had to go private for the ADHD diagnosis and can’t afford the Autism one, never mind the plethora of others things wrong. Ireland is useless for mental health in general, nevermind for ND adults.
@@PucaFleaI got diagnosed at my son’s appointment. 😂😂
It might be helpful next time to use a CW / TW for DV, bc goddamn that’s horrific and I’m so sorry you were raised that way
@@high-bi-passwordthank you but that’s a fraction of my story. And if real life triggers you then maybe I’m not the one that is feeling lost,
@@PucaFlea I am looking to go private too for an ADHD assessment. I got lucky when I was diagnosed with autism that there wasn't too much of a wait in Scotland and my counsellor knew someone who could diagnose it. It took me a while to process the autism diagnosis, so I thought I would wait to look at getting an ADHD assessment. I have been on a waiting list for the last year, then lost my job (partly due to my undiagnosed issues). For a private assessment I have been quoted £1000 or more, which is a heck of a lot of money. Once I get a new job though it will be one of the first things I save up for.
I happened by your channel- I can relate to you on so many levels! Even though I feel comforted by knowing others share the same odd to others behavior - Sometimes it makes me feel like I am stupid, and I do shut down. I live in a tropical climate, and in the middle of the days need to lay down to calm my mind down-and regroup. I make no excuses- I need to do what I need to do to- to be a functional person in the world, have to prepare myself. Just the way it is. I say out loud, not as an excuse - I can do this- need to be ready! Thank You. Thank You for the reminder to talk nice to myself. Oh- & remind myself to set timers, it helps me accomplish things I do not want to do!
After about 35 yrs of doing "weird" things...I think I could have ADHD and realizing that has been mind blowing. I have so many charcteristics of those with ADHD and I'm excited to see someone about it to see if it's for real
This info is so helpful! I am a neurodivergent mother with inattentive ADHD. I’m 99% sure my son is also neurodivergent. He will have hyperactive outbursts just as you described. I am so grateful to have content like this to better understand myself and my family. Thank you Mickey!
0:53 this needs to be talked about more. I was diagnosed with ADHD & Bipolar Disorder 2 at 25 and I remember prior to then freaking out that I might be developing early-onset dementia because I could not remember ANYTHING. I would end up learning that not only was I masking mania; I also ended up scoring a perfect 9/9 on the DSM-V inattentive portion of the ADHD test.
Oh my gosh, the last one explains SO much of my time in school. I was ALWAYS drawing in class to keep my hands busy so that my brain would focus on the lecture. Some teachers were more understanding than others.
I got pulled into a room to discuss my doodling while attempting to pay attention in a court room since I'd been selected as one of the jury members. The chairs were set up in such a way that there was absolutely no room to fidget either since I usually will tuck one foot under the other leg, and switch back and forth, but there was no room for that. I ran out of ideas to doodle, and ended up falling asleep and kicked off the jury.
I got diagnosed with APD when I was 9 or 10...at 24 I got diagnosed with ADHD. The sleep shifting thing is so real for me, and I've gotten shit for it my ENTIRE life. I feel so validated about this and my mind is blown. I've only watched a few of your videos so far but I am hooked!
My daughter told me I'm turning 48 this year, which I disagreed. Then she said your my age plus 30. Talk about ADHD math, loved it!!
Wow! This was SO illuminating for me with my six year old daughter! I have ADHD & never considered that my daughter has it too because she's able to behave just fine at school. She's a complete angel. But at home, she's hell on wheels the moment she walks in the door! Literally crying right now 😭
I'm currently in therapy for ADHD and autism because I've never been diagnosed, but strongly suspect that I might be AuDHD. It's videos like this that really help my journey in figuring my brain out and realize that I'm not alone, so thank you. Thank you for all the work you do on and off CZcams! ❤
I just got my diagnosis a few months back and it amazes me that so many of these symptoms are never discussed. I've had most of these literally my entire life and struggled, along with shamed, myself for so long due to them.
Great video 👊🏽🙏🏽
I'm a child & adol psychiatrist
Also with "wicked" ADHD 🤣
You make GREAT points in an ACCESSIBLE and REASSURING way
I'm 64 and "successful" but am STILL identifying the ways in which my brain AINT RIGHT . . . How much I have STRUGGLED as a result (and still do) . . . and how that struggle has weighed me down in terms of my self-image and self-esteem
So I'm SO THANKFUL to hear you "preach" this important and encouraging message
I'm gonna share this video and your channel with those close to me who are similarly GIFTED / CHALLENGED
I’m so glad to find you. As anADHD’er diagnosed very late in life. In my 50s. It has been a relief, and I’ve given myself lots of grace for my past life. Not knowing that there really wasn’t anything wrong with me. As a bonus, I love Adam and Eve. And am so thrilled that they are sponsoring this episode.
I’ve been struggling with restraint collapse lately. I feel like I use all my energy to restrain myself and my feelings during the day and then I have zero energy left to be a human.
I would love a video about OCD. The symptoms overlap with ADHD a lot. As someone with OCD, I relate a lot to ADHD content. One thing that frustrates me the most is that my brain works WAY faster than some other people so I can look ahead, on a work project for example, and see how the pieces do or don't fit together, but I can't always understand how others are picturing it. I also process written directions so much better than auditory instructions/info.
You could absolutely have both, AuDHD with OCD here 😊
I will clarify that my OCD is very repetitive physical acts out of compulsion and some light intrusion, no catastrophizing or anything that leads to them.
Thank you so much for sharing this! I am neurodivergent, as it turns out. I was diagnosed with ADHD as a 40 year old. I honestly kind of thought I was being a "brat" when I would get overwhelmed and not like big family events. It's actually because of my sensory processing issues. Neurodivergent and neurotypical people alike treat me the same. I don't want to contribute to an us vs them mentality in any way. Your videos do help me to have more self compassion...thank you for what you are doing.
I have been diagnosed with ADHD as an adult in the last couple months but I also have narcolepsy, depression and anxiety on top of that plus sleep apnea. Thank you for the extra ADHD symptoms and explanation.
Funny, same mix. I hated the CPAP machine so much though that my body learned to stop enough of it that I didn't fit criteria. It didn't seem to help either: some of my apneas were CNS.
For the last year, I now wake up around 4.30am, and LOVE it! - The light is so soft, and no one’s up, and I feel I have the whole world to myself! I’ll make a coffee, go back to bed, check emails, play games. Up to now I’ve been sharing with people. Soon, I hope to live by myself, which I’ve wanted to do my whole life….. I’m so excited. I still want to wake up at this time, and do meditations and exercise first. I’ve never had a healthy productive morning living with people, because just knowing they’re around, in the house, puts me off, and I don’t know how to think, or what to do….. I just wait for them to leave, so I can be ‘me’. I’m 67, and haven’t been diagnosed, but suspect ADHD. Does this sound familiar to anyone?
Meetings that should have been an email are the bane of my existence 😴 Thank you so much for your videos! This is so helpful to me; I am excited to learn more about how to embrace my specific needs without feeling ashamed. Sending 💜 from a neurodivergent friend.
Can’t stand them
Thanks for this video. I went through an extreme period of anxiety and depression because I was terrified I wouldn’t be able to keep my job. I worried about homelessness and my own intelligence. Thankfully, I have a great psychologist who walked me through it. Appreciate what she did for me and what you do for others!
haven't even watched the video yet but I'm commenting early to tell you how much I appreciate you and Aaron - you two bring so much joy and understanding into my life just through a screen ❤
Fell into this comment thread for so long last night!! So much love and support and so much learning happening here! What a lovely contrast from many other places on the Internet 🥰🥰🥰
Mickey Thanks so much. I can actually follow along with you. I don't even have to use CC.
I am glad to be a part of this community.
The part about delayed sleep phase was really helpful to hear ❤ It's definitely something I struggle with but, in my experience, not a lot of people really understand it. I have tried to adjust my sleep schedule so I could wake up for 9am uni lectures, but no matter how much sleep I got the night before, I naturally end up falling asleep at like 3am anyway.
From my understanding, trying to go to sleep and wake up at more socially acceptable times can result in feeling super sleepy the next day. I remember pretty much all throughout high school I'd get on average like 7 hours of sleep a night and I would feel so sleepy the next day, I'd just be constantly yawning and it was even harder to pay attention, to the point where it felt like something was wrong but I didn't know what.
It's so helpful knowing now that I have ADHD and that there's an explanation for a lot of the things I've struggled with throughout my life - although it's a bit frustrating sometimes because I could've been a lot kinder to myself when I was younger had I known, and also there are still a lot of people who are not very understanding of that fact that other people's brains work differently to theirs.
I feel that! My switch is 7am, I pretty much always have to take a nap at that time if I've pulled an all nighter, for example. And then I'm fine.
My husband and I really struggle with his sleeping habits. He has suspected ADHD for as long as he had the knowledge to “self diagnose” per say. We have two young children so it’s just really tough that I get up with the children every day. He works a shift that goes late into the night which is probably better for him and I do get that he needs to sleep in longer because of it, but when he doesn’t work, I wish I could have a partner in the mornings or have a morning off once in a while. I also understand when you get into the habit of going to sleep at a certain time it’s hard to break that so that’s also where he has a hard time on his nights off. I just feel like he’s very stubborn about taking anything to help him fall asleep, he stays up even later after he gets off work because it takes him a while to get settled/he wants to “relax” and play a video game or watch CZcams for a bit before bed. I get all of that. But I guess it’s hard because I don’t feel like I get any of those opportunities to try to keep my sanity because of my own neurodivergent experience. I just wish we could be a better support system for each other
Ur husband sounds like my husband but I also have the same issue bc I have to take my son to school early and I had to learn to adapt with no to little sleep getting him there on time since my peak time to go to bed is between midnight and 2 am
Thank you for this, Mickey!
I really needed validation about life sometimes being a little extra challenging with neurodivergence but that experiencing these challenges does not make me “lazy” or otherwise a bad person.
I struggle a LOT with executive function and particularly with time management (BIG TIME time blindness and unfortunately my current meds don’t do anything for that), so getting anywhere on time is an extremely rare occasion. Unfortunately, sometimes you have to be on time…like with work. Just yesterday I sat down with my manager and our director to have a bit of an intervention and to set up an “improvement plan” because of my problems with getting to work on time/at any specific time. It sucks and is SO incredibly frustrating, but it seems like the more frustrated I get the more anxious/stressed I get, and the more anxious/stressed I get the worse my ability to mentalize time becomes. It’s a vicious cycle! Anywho, I was feeling quite poorly and annoyed with myself. This helps me to not beat myself up too much over it, so thank you. :)
I am in my mid-30s and newly diagnosed. This video was really helpful! It really helps to take a step away from all the build up guilt from decades of believing I am just useless and dumb.
I am simply impressed by your articulation and quick speech. I can't talk very quickly, my thoughts often get swallowed up by "the void". I forget what I'm doing halfway through a sentence.
Question about speech and auditory processing - I’ve noticed a lot of my ND friends (a mix of ADHD and autism, sometimes both) empathize or try to keep the conversation going by pulling on personal experiences to relate to each other. Especially when we get excited. Does that have something to do with the speech and hearing?
Yess I do this as a way to show I genuinely care and a way to bond but I had to learn to listen more then to avoid to interrupt. To combat this I listen as far as I can and tell them what I think about what they say personally then add an anecdote about it to relate and if they start taking interest and want me to expand on it I will!
Ive been struggling with psychotic agoraphobia lately - now learning about restraint collapse i understand why im so afraid to go anywhere! I love when i learn what issue my brain is confabulating itself away from so i can actually address it 😂
The speech thing was so validating to me. I do all of that all the time 😂
First time watching, just want to say I love how fast you talk! Before you mentioned it I was actually thinking how great it was to not have to speed up the video.