Childhood Trauma Resolved | Dr. John Delony | EP 307
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- čas přidán 1. 06. 2024
- Dr Jordan B Peterson and Dr. John Delony discuss the destitution of loneliness, the salvation in connection, how to strengthen ties through listening, and why you should stop ignoring your flaws.
Dr. John Delony is a bestselling author, mental health expert, and host of The Dr. John Delony Show. This caller-driven show offers real people a chance to be heard as they struggle with relationship issues and mental health challenges. John gives practical advice on how to connect with people, how to take the next right step, and how to cut through the depression and anxiety that can feel so overwhelming. Delony has two PhDs and over two decades of experience in counseling, crisis response, and higher education. In 2020 Delony joined Ramsey Solutions, a powerhouse multi-media company that brings together top minds in topics such as finance, real estate, mental health, and overall well being. Through their platform they produce shows, lectures, events, documentaries, books, and more.
Dr Peterson's extensive catalog is available now on DailyWire+: utm.io/ueSXh
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- Chapters -
(0:00) Coming Up
(1:19) Intro
(2:10) Story and the body
(6:47) Memory, a flawed canon
(10:04) Detailing anxiety
(11:59) Loneliness
(15:00) Sanity is distributed
(17:16) The need for friendship
(21:10) Ben Franklin, favors
(23:10) The Corner Store technique
(25:29) Teaching generosity
(28:35) Your life is what you repeat, focus on that
(30:41) Rebuilding a marriage
(37:09) Having a daily shared image
(45:05) Sex in marriage
(50:00) What do you actually want?
(55:08) Why you don’t know
(1:00:49) High ordered goals
(1:06:00) The greatest lost skill
(1:07:11) The difference between listening and looking to solve a problem
(1:16:10) Practical skills for listening
(1:20:33) Categorizing the problems in your world
(1:24:50) Seeking out your vulnerabilities
(1:27:48) the importance of confession
(1:31:40) Why labels are lackluster
(1:34:42) The small scale scales exponentially
(1:36:30) How we spread the movement
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Every time I listen to Dr. Peterson and his astute guests, I can't for the life of me understand why people find this man controversial. He seems to me the very embodiment of good sense and humane compassion. And he's helpful--eg, try to be a little less wrong tomorrow. I can do that. I'm gonna try. Thank you, Doctor!
Ironic as my response may be-considering this video's content- I believe the reason is because they don't listen. Instead, I believe the most enraged only hear what he says. Even worse may be that they choose to only hear a fraction of what he says. Worse than that, they choose to only read-or listen-to a small fraction of what another person had said about what the small fraction they heard.
Choosing only a few, fitting words from a two hour lecture that "one" doesn't like, then running away with it without genuinely considering the context, then shouting to the world about how it made them feel.
That's what I believe many-but not all- are doing.
It's no wonder boys are starting to listen and beleive in him, it's all for a better world.
@@miusername6082 this is exactly the habit people develop when you take your news or gossip from media sources regardless of their professional integrity. It's clickbait and tabloid headlines that reduce an often clearcut everyday scenario to a false one or a nonexistent debate. Jordan is only villanised because some media said he was and it gets eaten via a rage crowd with no aspiration for truth, and that's a damn shame
The only reason to deny Dr. Peterson's conclusions is that one rejects his premises. To listen to and understand the logic he brings to the existential questions we all face requires the willingness to see beyond our prejudice.
There's nothing controversial about him. He just says the things people don't want to hear and realize. I love his work and it's helped me through some of the toughest times in my life.
What a blessing to see two grown men actually speaking humbly and kindly about women and relationships.
Yes, it’s very discouraging to see a group of women and men lump all women or all women into a negative lump. All men are not insensitive, not all men are caring, and same with women. We either have a group of women with some men lumping all men as bad or we have a group of men with some women lumping all women as bad…. This discounts individuality and dehumanizes men and women.
We should all be considered as individuals with individual needs and wants and thus either respect or despise individuals based on their own character, not by the actions of whatever group you place them in based on physical appearance or immutable characteristics
So when you give an invitation and your spouse or family member doesn't take up the offer, then what? The response in my experience is that it was an invitation that could be declined. Where do you go from there, seriously.
Yes 🤍 Their compassion and reason is the antidote to the talking heads on either side who demonize and objectify the opposite sex.
@@elenagonzales3500 From my understanding of this conversation, I think JP would say (or maybe even did say) whatever it is you're inviting that has been rejected, break it down into smaller invitations that will lead to the desired outcome of the original invitation. If the invitation is declined, possibly explore why this is not something your partner is willing to entertain. Try to explain why it's important to you with a focus on improving things in the present. Try to avoid making him feel like your blaming him in some way or that he should feel guilty for not having done what you're asking before or for not knowing that you wanted or needed it. Try to stick with it, just because an invitation is rejected once, maybe a different one in future might not be. If none of this works and your partner is completely unwilling to engage in conversations about how to improve the relationship then maybe you need to ask him if he wants to be in the relationship at all if he's not willing to make any effort to make it work.
@@elenagonzales3500 the section on "having a daily shared image" I think explains this really well. The difference between pointing the finger and accusing and inviting someone to help you, and how differently people react to these two different approaches
I know what I want. I want personal peace, I want the past to stop ruling my life, I want the trauma I sustained as a child to stop ruling my life. I have begun at 69 y/o to start the journey to make my life as I want it.
Good for you!
Peace to you, Sir!
I'm 60 and beginning mine.
As someone who was “raised” by two people with the emotional intelligence and control of a two year old, I wish more than anything I could personally thank these two men for everything they’re teaching me.
Me too! And I'm a woman in my 60s.
@@diane4488God bless
@@diane4488I'm also a woman in my 60s and I struggle often with the thought that I've left it too late to put so many wrongs right
@@suzieque9934
Absolutely not Suzie, I buried my demons for 78 yrs.
I faced them and at the same time i found a perfect church for me.
I'm a whole new person and my frustration and anger were replaced by forgiveness and compassion and peace.
It's never to late never never.
I'm 82 yrs young Lol now, life's kinder now.
Your worth it find counseling with someone you click with, very important he/she is out there.
I'm thinking it's never too late as long as we have ourselves and God.
I've just realised Jordan Peterson is the father every person + child needs that never had one he is a powerful comfort for humanity
He is almost quote larger-than-life" as to the depth and breadth and magnitude of his Beautiful Mind his vast education and expertise his big heart for Humanity his impeccable character and I could go on you know as you know but the point is he is an exceptional human being whom we are blessed to be able to listen to and learn from. That does not detract from our dads. We can't expect them all to be world class humanitarians they're too busy earning a living to support their families at least that's how it used to be and how it will be again and how it's still lives in some places. Doctor Peterson pointed out the young men have not received the much-needed guidance and support and the role models and so much that has been it become fragmented in this section of our history he's trying to fill a very big need the best of his ability. I can't imagine how he keeps going at that pace at that level of performance and giving.
I love how he deals with the JQ. Yeah they are in power but it's because they are so much smarter than everyone else!
@@dudebro3250 that's why the US is heading into Bolshevism.
❤
@@karrisaleonard993 I agree 💯👍
John Delony is one of the most charismatic people ever. Not many people can get Jordan Peterson to let them speak for more than a few seconds. That is no shade on Jordan. Jordan has a genius radar that detects when someone is boring, dishonest, or arrogant and he'll just talk over them. John is so good at listening and playing off the other person and so authentic.
You’re reading into it too much. John is charismatic. But peterson is just an interrupter and he said it is something he tries to work on. He does it to even the most fascinating guests.
I heard a story one time from a woman telling that shortly after she and her husband married, her husband asked her, “What one household chore do you hate the most?”. She answered him, after some thought, “I hate emptying the dishwasher.” And her husband told her he would always empty the dishwasher when he was home (he occasionally had to travel for work). And he followed through. The level of her feeling loved, cherished and respected was very high. My point being sometimes asking the other, ‘What would you like me to do to make your life or [fill in the blank] better?’ It can feel very scary to make statements about needs and wants. Questions, the right questions, can create a safe environment especially if the relationship is fraught to any degree.
Moves me nearly to tears to imagine receiving love and thoughtfulness like that from a man. He must have had wonderful parents I guess.
Wonderful! Thank you for sharing this.
@@trequor The question is: are people that will not answer that question (honestly) even to be considered in an intimate relationship at all?
@@trequor everyone has a right to his own opinion. Could be the guy was a little deeper than that, even if you're not. I think you're Young there is time
Most people can figure out what they don't like or don't admire much easier than the opposite. The reason why humans can't do the opposite is because the list is endless.
"Conflict delayed is conflict amplified" !
So many gems in there. It's like successful social skills 101 !
❤very true
The value of a therapist that would say to you "How would you like to have your marriage deteriorated to hell over 10 years?" is priceless.
It makes you wish that you actually knew one in your life, right?!! What I would pay to sit down with either of these gents for an hour! And I’ll pay double if I can bring my husband!!
L
Yes!!
I met my Husband when we were in our 20's. Our life has been a part time rollercoaster ride and a part time sound of silence. We have grown together and exchanged traditional roles often. We have played hide and seek and musical chairs. Now that we have entered into our retirement age and ready to really explore our world my Husband James had an unexpected Stroke. He was in the critical care unit on a ventilator after a four-hour brain surgery. Our life flashed through my mind, and I suddenly felt lost and alone. This was a year and three months ago. James woke up not knowing what happened. James lost his ability to speak, and he is paralyzed on his left side. We have found new ways to communicate, cook together and have sex. As bad as it may seem we have overcome most obstacles and are moving forward. As Dr Peterson stated take on your responsibility and keep moving forward. Thank you, Dr Peterson we are okay,
Wow, what a story and experiences. Please strongly consider looking into the work and formulations of Dr. Christina Rahm for your husband.
I wish you both a happy New Year! 🙏
@@malzimus
Happy New Year to you as well. Can you post a link to Dr Christina Rahm??
Wishing you many blessings this year with your family. I hope you and your husband only get better from here. Most people walk away when
things get hard or the unexpected happens. You two have done something great, what people should do, when life happens. It's uplifting to read about a love so pure, starting my day. I wish the two of you continued happiness, and a life that only gets better from here. God bless you.
@@vickidobbs3052
Hey Vicki,
You are absolutely correct that most people do walk away or just disappear when tragedy strikes. That type of behavior destroys a person who has suffered a medical emergency.
We thank you for your reply. It is the little things that mean the most to us. There is always love to go around. Love was not put in our hearts to stay. Love is not Love till you give it away! Blessings!
P p p
How humbling to see two humans speak to each other without interrupting or finishing each others sentences! epic
He says he is unable to function without intimate relationship ha. Be careful people.
I had the honor of meeting a delightful couple through a church activity several years ago. They were both in their early 80's. It was an intimate activity that met once a week at rotating homes of the participants. The first time we met at this couple's home, I was awestruck by many things as I watched how they interacted with each other with obvious respect and pure joy. I became very good friends with them even though they were 20 plus years my senior. I can say that through that friendship I learned just about all the mistakes I had made with interpersonal relationships, most of all where I had gone wrong with my marriage that ended in divorce. They were fountains of wisdom and were eager to share how they had lived their lives together and raised their family. They lost their eldest son to a drunk driver caused car" accident, if that wasn't bad enough barely a year later they lost their next oldest son to yet another drunk driver accident! They talked intimately to me about what that was like and how they made it through it all with an intact and loving marriage. First of all they both both lovers of God/Jesus and that was an integral part of how they ran their marriage. Secondly, they never let "baggage" build up, they always sat down together asap to discuss everything all the time! Their love was something I had never seen in my growing up family and I drank it as much of their ways as I possibly could. The husband passed away last year and because they were faith based and had had such a wonderful marriage, the wife did not fall apart or even grieve to any great degree. Now she lives with her adult daughter and she continues to act and do all the same things in their home and speaking with the daughter, she tells me that Mom moving in with us is the BEST thing to happen to our marriage. We have to be living by "do unto others as you would like to be done unto yourself" If we could follow that simple rule all kinds of things would be SO much better.
❤
❤
❤
wow
soooo sweet....yes do onto others...
As a 62 year old student of life, it is podcasts like this that inspire me to stay in the classroom…there is always much to learn.
❤
Elegantly stated. Thank you (merci😊)
Something I was taught from my grandfather when I was a teenager and his apprentice on a construction site as Pipefitter, paraphrased “Nobody knows everything, you can learn something from everyone if you pay attention even if it’s learning how not to do it”.
I feel the exact same way. The older I get (I’m 60) the more I thirst for knowledge. I’m not sure why but I also know it frightens me to see the amount of people who just don’t want to learn or feel they don’t need to learn. And these people will be “the adults” or “elders” others will look to at some point in the future.
“Ignored things grow in the darkness outside the city until they become monstrous and break down the walls” - J.Peterson.
Dr. Peterson I have been watching your videos for a little over a year, listening to you has given me a completely different outlook on life. I was in a really bad place for years after serving in the army in Iraq. Honestly I seemed to have a very hard time readjusting to civilian life afterwards and no doctors I saw helped they just wanted to give scripts and push me out the door basically. After listening to you, I have got my life back on track. I feel so much better I don’t wake up in the morning with a heaviness in my chest anymore and I’m very physically active again which I never thought I would be again. I’ve also been able to stop all of the unnecessary medication that really just made things worse. Please keep these videos coming I think you are helping so many people. It seems so odd to me for someone I’ve never met to have have given me so much motivation and clarity in my life. Sorry about the long rant but I just needed to let you know that you changed my life drastically for the better! I am forever grateful, thank you so much!!
Good for you. The courage you showed by deciding to be, by serving & now, a retired soldier is enormous. It is a disgrace & very sad that the Federal Gov't doesn't have Psychologists & Psychiatrists that specialize in postwar trauma. Men & woman who have served their country deserve to be helped in a dignified manner showing the utmost of respect. These great citizens shouldn't he forced to beg & plead for help. Thank you for all you have sacrificed for your country 🙏🏾🙏 Bless you, Dr. Peterson & his family
Thank you for your service. God bless you!
Ko ko ko
Encouraged to know that you are on a good path again.
Awesome! And ty for your service❤
I love both Jordan and John. What a great conversation. A 25 year old female trying to figure out my relationship this was beautiful
I am a 25 yr old female trying to do the same. Cheers to effort! We got this. 💛
God bless you both
45 year old male, Married 19 years, this conversation is transformative, it takes a lot of time to unpack if you really study what their saying.
I can relate to them both on so many levels.
25 yo Male trying to learn how to serve and love my future wife when I find her!
@@Aus10Ham are you a Christian?
Dr . Peterson is my media dad . I kid you not I have learned so much from this man . I’ve never seen an expert dumb things down to this level and make it incredibly easy to try to implement these techniques. Thank you!!
Agreed! And yet I don't feel like I'm dumb because he dumbs it down. I feel smart! 🤓
I like to think of this not as dumbing down, but using terms and concepts that are as close to universally understandable as possible without betraying the topic/question and context. Anyone who has highly niche knowledge (for example, I happen to know a decent bit about psychology, art, and how the two affect each other, even if I can't always use words to describe my understanding without serious effort) knows that it's much easier to use technical terms familiar to you but unfamiliar with the majority of people to explain something, than it is to make a complex subject understandable by most who hear it. This is why people like Jordan Peterson, Terence McKenna, and Ryan Cropper are so revered by their unique but also overlapping "communities" for lack of a better term.
Agree. JP is thankfully Easy to understand. Must be because he comes straight from Heart and Mind in a beautiful union of clear information.
@@kristenjarman7795 I
💯 Agree! ❤
Jordan, thank you for releasing these videos for free, your helping so many people. God bless
This guy's mind is absolutely fascinating.
Jordan Peterson is a gift to mankind, particularly this generation. Many thanks to you both for this engaging exchange. Amazing!
26:25 wow this is so good. As a military wife who has lived in 6 different places (including one overseas) in almost 9 years of marriage, I am constantly in “enemy territory.” Making good friends has been so hard for me. After having our first child, I resolved to make mom friends in our military neighborhood….and then Covid lockdowns hit when baby was 2 months old. Three years later and 3 babies later, I’m FINALLY making that effort to meet friends. It’s difficult and takes time, but it’s worth it.
God bless you. That sounds a difficult situation and congratulations on your 3 little babies. ❤❤❤
Hugs to you from 40 years later! This chapter in motherhood is the most isolating, and as a former military dependent, I get that the moving around can make that worse. Covid was a social nightmare in so many ways, on top of all that. I promise that as your children move into school age, you will socialize with other moms to carpool and support your children, and that will help. If I could tell one thing to myself at your stage, I would tell me to find an interest or talent that is NOT baby-related, to feed your soul, and make it as least as much a priority as the laundry. (Are you listening? You will SO thank yourself later, and you'll be a more interesting person when you have something to talk about other than baby care!)
I was traumatized by my mother as a child. This one hits home. I can’t no matter how hard I try I can’t get away from the memories but only take them head on. Thank god for my wife and kids. At 51 I’m still dealing with it, I’m ready to pack it away.
Amen 🙏. Same Bro. God bless you ✊
Same here, Frank. Be blessed. Her opinion of you is NOT you.
Trauma as a kid made me an addict. My wife and kids give me some meaning.
@@k7l3rworkman97 You’ve got this. Follow Dr. Peterson advice ,
31 year old male here..My first therapy apt was last week.. my 1st assignment is to simply observe my resentment not change it. Here we go.
Oh, man...eighteen minutes into this dialogue and my thoughts are: 'can you guys just explain everything to me?' such a quality exchange right here. Solid gold! I'm so grateful you folks shared this dialogue with us. God bless you both.
_SPEECHLESS, Jordan is the pen and John is the HIGHLIGHTER which breaks down even more in depth, just genius BOTH YOU TOGETHER were in sync union in breaking it down in detail_
God bless these men.
Jordan Peterson was portrayed as a villain around my circle of life. But every time Ive seen a short, I always end up watching it in its entirety.
So I got curious, chose a full length topic that I felt like I would maybe gain some insight on how to fix a few things.
A half hour in and im floored with how much I can relate and how much I can honestly believe that these steps could really change and save my life. These guys are brilliant. Its powerful stuff.
It pays to check things out by ourselves not by ear say and opinions from others:)😊
Hi Lonerager (which I found an amusing title), I know it's been a while since you wrote this comment, but I'm curious about how Dr. P was portrayed as a villain by those in your circle of life? Once you started to listen more closely to him, and found him helpful, did your experience of him find its way back into conversations with those who had portrayed him as a villain? And what was the response of those 'villainizers?' I'm glad you were curious enough to check him out for yourself, and found that he's not the villain he was portrayed to be. Thank you for your honesty in this post.
He is only a villain to those who can't come to terms with the truth of themselves. People don't like to accept and own their own shortcomings because it makes them feel bad, so they avoid and attack people like Jordan Peterson because he sees thru the excuses people use to not change. It's alot of work to change. To be better.
I commend you!
What Dr. John said about looking across the table at his wife and asking her to just tell him occasionally that she's proud of him is SUCH a huge deal. I think seemingly simple needs like that being talked about and met would fix so many relationships.
I am suffering extreme social fear about meeting people.
half way through and this is simply one of the most enlightening things I have ever listened to. These guys are such a gift to society. They really should do a semi regular meeting around the fire like this. This is an infinitely valuable conversation.
You are not exaggerating. And that is a scary thought. Very scary thought. Because if this is so enlightening, then how deep in the darkness are we? But the darker the darkness, the brighter shines the light so I guess no matter what we can always start moving towards the light again.
That’s right, and once we see this it is now for us to go spread that very light
If this were shown to young couples before marriage, it just might cut the divorce rate in half and strengthen friendships.
i love RADICAL GENEROSITY. The idea of giving, which creates a world of warmth, JOY and LOVE.
I am so happy to see this show up on my feed today. These two men have an ability to communicate many of life’s complications. We loose shared vision because one of the entities just doesn’t care, is fearful of rejection, or chooses a drug of choice to erode their entire life into rather than accepting the love of their family. We no longer live in a world of truth but rather hidden fear.
Loneliness is the badly sign-posted gateway to inner transformation & healing. Never underestimate what you can do for yourself. Some people are blessed to have companions who add value when they need it. It's not always the case for everyone. Bloom where you're planted 🌈🥰❤🌻
Absolutely in love with your comment! ❤ so much truth. Thank you!
Hi @@annabellawr 🥰😘 oh wow, thanks for saying so! Lovely to hear you resonate too! 💖✨
Absolutely Agree
@@philmecup 🥰
Bless u for sharing those words.
Salam sir my name is kashif abbas i am from pakistan i just dont have words to express my love for you sir you changed my life in so so many ways but the most important you brought me back to my lord after watching lectures you are in our prayers God sent you to change this world great thanks
When I moved into my house, I introduced myself to my neighbours. There was quite a bit of hostility from the rest of the neighbours for months. That Christmas I gave Christmas cards to every neighbour and introduced myself. I got a lot of cards from them too and it turned out, they initially thought I was stuck up because I was different from them and confident with myself. They realised they were wrong and we are now still good neighbours 10 years on.
However, in todays society, neighbors don’t have time to say “ hello “….even if you’re willing….and then, there is a Culture , ethnicity, and racial differences…..people assume you’re bad just looking at your physical characteristics….and not even knowing who you are…..In California, the response, “ oh you speak English “……and in a hostile tone and dirty looks…….happens all the time…
@@kaypee4704- get out of california. I did.
I struggle with this. I’d love to say hi, but it’s been 4 years without any his and I don’t know how to bridge that gap without being so awkward lol. How’d you approach giving the cards?
@@Hellydragon I have a personality that doesn't mind if people think I'm weird. So I just ho for it.
I wrote on one of my cards, To my neighbours at number 10 around the corner, wishing you a wonderful Christmas, from (my name) at number (29).
I got a card back with their name saying from number 10.
As an embarrassingly introverted person, Dr. John spoke to me in this conversation. My husband passed away two years ago, and I thought he was absolutely golden. We did have our disagreements and got our feelings hurt, but we grew from those circumstances. Now I am alone, and the introversion is now again an issue. Making friends is difficult as the fear of boorish, or curmudgeonly responses from unfriendly, "I don't care about you" people have presented themselves to me in the past. I am a very agreeable, and very accommodating person, generally. I don't like my internal responses to these people, hence, I avoid putting myself in those situations. There are a lot of very unfriendly people out there who are quite happy to offend you. And I don't know how to deal with that. Thank you for your discussion.
Just letting you know I read your comment and I wish you the best of luck.
Sending you hugs from California. Keep putting yourself out there and living your life. ❤
You must remember that the problem is with those people and not with you.
I have been the same way my whole life, but I have found to not let others actions and words take control of me to the point that I make myself silently suffer. I found that holding onto what people have said to me that hurt or offended me and to protect myself from the pain of that I keep to myself in my safe places. However, I force myself to go out to places like church. I have found that I am not perfect and we all struggle with strengths and weaknesses, and I refuse to let other people's weaknesses make me weak. It is a toxic cycle of self sabotage of punishing yourself for what others say and do to you. Don't let them have that control and power and make you fearful. That is a tool Satan uses to keep people from becoming friends and working together to bring into their fold even more friends. I have found a small group of amazing friends outside of my family through challenging myself. They all have inspired me to be better and I have become a better person. We all love God and Jesus and through our relationships with them we work together to help people around us and have made other friends as well. We serve one another and those around us to strengthen our relationships with those in our community and with God. Proverbs 27:17 "Iron sharpeneth Iron so a man sharpeneth the countenance of his friend."
This is the podcast we didn't know we wanted, but we needed. Two of my favourite people in the world today discussing life over coffee.
Ya except one of this pair is not a DR and is nother more than a carpetbagger looking to selll books off of the backs of weak minded individuals!
I went from not knowing the guest to requiring that this be made into a weekly conversation...all within about an hour's time. Out of 307 podcasts, this one is Top 3 for sure.
I have been major fans of both and I had a slight freak out when I learned of the match up. There was some sort of collaboration with Ramsey Solutions and a tour they did. Fantastic for those forces to be on the side of freedom and peace. I have much hope for the future.
This was like a lecture/therapy session for all and Dr Delony represented all of us. Love his show, love Dr JP! This was nothing short of a superb interview! 🙏🏽
I listen to Delony almost daily. Good to see these two together.
Jordan saves lives. We appreciate you more than you know brother.
A couple of months ago I was in a grocery store where five gunshots went off. A lady and I luckily were by an emergency exit in the produce department and set the alarm off and ran like angels were carrying us. I had high sandals on and I yelled shooter as I passed the drive through pharmacy. We were on lockdown for 2 hours. I had an asthma attack but recovered. My boyfriend talked to me for 45 minutes on his drive home. He picked me up and took me to Walmart. A bigger store! He said if I didn’t do it right away I would be scared to enter a store again. He was right! I still get a feeling of hyper awareness in large stores but I don’t let it keep me from shopping. I changed my narrative of my story because I found a way to have some control over my reaction and the outcome. Great I interview!
My ex-girlfriend was in a mass shooting too while we were dating. Re-introducing her to society over the following months was quite the experience, so I’m glad you got some support that helped you!
This is such an interesting technique for dealing with trauma, I'm glad you were able to move on from it so fast. In past generations people were exposed to so much more trauma - we must have had clever ways to cope and be resilient, like this.
Better look hard at keeping that guy. That’s A+++ sheepdog thinking. That’s fight or flight. His mind chooses fight. And then works the problem. Not at all common.
Glad you're doing well and that your boyfriend knew to address the issue in that way.
@@EdwardsCommentI think this technique has been known for some time. Every horse rider knows they have to get back on the horse after coming off, if they possibly can. I got back on and rode with sever bruising and a broken collarbone after being bucked off with a lot of force. I didn’t have the opportunity to horse-ride again for several years but when I did I had no fear. I’m immensely glad ‘getting back on the horse’ was so thoroughly drilled into me when I first learnt to ride.
“Allow ourselves to make mistakes while we’re practicing”. Recently addressing maladaptive perfectionism. This is a great viewpoint for many reasons.
I lived my whole life being motivated by fear.
Some people don't have a tribe, or others a round to be a support.
Mr Peterson is a gem.
Fantastic conversation, thank you. “Backlog of communication…fear of being burdensome to others…solipsism of depression…”, so many great points to consider in becoming a stronger, better person creating a stronger, better world for all.
My dad died nearly six years ago. I learned about mourning having layers. Over these years, as I operate machinery at work, I ponder thoughts in a different light in the absence of my father.
He was about six years old when he was abandoned. He ended up in an orphanage and experienced and witnessed horror.
When I was born, he was an English professor. Our rapport throughout my life was dark.
I learned about the concept of intergenerational trauma.
I'm now 51 years old and never married or had kids. He once said that the apple doesn't fall from the tree. No more apples.
Jon, children that grow up with a parent that isn't the best can make themselves be so much better and give more to their children because you know what you missed. I recently lost my father and it's so painful. I felt compelled to reply to your comment. I sincerely hope you have a happy and fulfilling life with or without children.
@@juliehoskinson9816 thank you Julie. I'm sorry for your loss. My dad wasn't the best. Nor the worst! He was human. The trauma he experienced as a child haunted him as a tortured spirit up to the day he died. My eyes were the first human eyes to see his body face down up against a log down an embankment with a bottle of whiskey. That sight to me seemed to symbolize how he felt throughout his life.
Jon, thank you for sharing this. The insight you have into your father and your willingness to process your feelings shows tremendous intergenerational growth and resilience. I hope you don’t give up on love and people. There is a connection waiting for you if you keep digging into yourself. Doing the work now allows joy and contentment for the next 30-40 years. Women who understand the weight and appreciate the emotional work can be found in a healthy Al-Anon meetings. I sincerely wish you the best. ❤
:-(
Jon you deserve to not be lonely. I am sending my best wishes you find someone lovely. I suggest traveling, as a woman I love meeting strangers abroad. you might meet someone
This is deep! This kind discussion should be a mandatory before getting into long term relationship.
I cannot express enough how grateful I am for these conversations 🙏 God bless both of these men
If only this had a billion views…this is so revealing and needed, I’m sharing it with all my close friends and family.
I was probably 3 years old with 3 siblings younger and older when my mom walked out on her family, all four her children experienced trauma when dad remarried, stepmom had 3 boys. For years she was in my head,why? As a child you blame yourself for her leaving. When you have a personality that just loads up emotions and don't talk about them there comes a point when you break. For me in mid 2011 i had a very bad accident, with the trauma af this i managed to get rid of the guilt of my childhood and gotten rid of my mother in my head. I am now 63. A pastor once said this: As a child you accumulate trauma and bad experiences, you become an adult and it takes the rest of your life to get rid of these expenses. Listening to Jordan Peterson has given me so much insight as to emotions and handling thoughts. Thank you for this Dr.Peterson.
I currently feel like I'm still processing and working through shame and trauma from family alcoholism. Your pastor is right. Its taken me a life time to finally feel healed and relief from past trauma. Wishing you well on your journey🙏🙏🙏
The openness of both of you in presenting personal problems and solving them is unusual in CZcams conversations. You reflected a human image. Jordan Peterson, you put the listener in the patient's chair. I learned a lot. Thanks
@Rina good comment. Except, respectfully, he, is Dr Jordan Peterson. Best regards.
I feel the same. I’ve also given up trying to introduce him to others. They simply can’t or won’t allow his intellect in. I selfishly watch and listen at this point.
@@nailsdeb facts
@@nailsdeb I succeded to introduce him to some friends but not to everybody. Some don't care about improving themselves. I learned a lot from dr. Peterson. Each time I watch a new video I become better.
@@nailsdeb If they only understood it is to their own detriment and folly. More damning, is the relationships they may destroy. That ignorance will lead to bitter lonliness.
That idea of the local store and local coffee shop is spot on. As a clinician who has this problem of isolation, I am blessed that I was able to learn social cues and there is nothing wrong asking someone to help you learn these things. When you listen to someone REALLY LISTEN a 30 second interaction can make someone feel like they have been in a family for years.
Nearly everytime I listen to Dr. Peterson, I do so with watery eyes. His empathy for the human condition is so powerful and his ability to DIVE to the depths of the human psyche and come back out with precious jewels of understanding and knowledge is awe inspiring. You are a TREASURE to all of Mankind Doctor, Thank You, from the bottom of my heart.
When I saw that 2 of my personal heroes were sitting down together for a conversation, I was beyond ecstatic. I listen to Dr. Delony's show every Mon Wed Fri. Beautiful.
I'm sitting here 100% captivated by their conversation. This is one of those epic conversations I'll return to several times. I have been experiencing past trauma which is becoming the ignored dragon that grows. (I think that's the tie and socks theme Jordan is wearing)
25:01 YES!! One thing I have noticed as I get older is that a lot of people don’t know how to truly connect with another person face-to-face anymore! Few people look you in the eye and shake your hand or go out of their way to be polite. We need to teach our kids to do these things instead of letting them sit in front of a screen all day!
Amen to this man! He took ADHD to a strength and a social super power!
Thank you dr John ❤
I have been unexpectedly depressed recently, it's funny timing because I've almost just achieved everything I wanted to achieve in my life, all boxes just checked, and when they did, I realised I have no more goals to look forward to accomplish. Listening to both of you talking about how goals should be a process and not a finite thing, makes full sense to me and explains why I suddenly feel empty, I have set the wrong goals, or let's say, now I need to set new goals that will fit my vision of who I will become in the future, I need a pen and a paper and I need to think about this, because I have no idea where I'm heading.
Praying for you. Seek Jesus 🙏🩶🕊
Well said. I too am 51, and have only just been able to let myself get free from unbelievable childhood traumas about 5 in all, that all happened around the same time but some went on for years. I then had a couple more as an adult. I’m still paralysed , I don’t know how to feel any different. I’m like a bird in a cage with the door open now, but haven’t got much of a clue as to what to do now. I’ve only just discovered J. P about a week ago. He’s such a breath of fresh air. As is Lorna Byrne. I’m fragile but want to fly now, not crawl on my sore hands and knees anymore. Any advice appreciated
@@MichelleSmith-rg8uu I write stories about my childhood in order to reframe my early experiences. Dr. Peterson’s self authoring program is on my to-do list. Also I practice the Hawaiian Ho'oponopono Mantra: I m sorry, please forgive me, I love you, and I thank you.
I am in the same boat, most of my goals have been achieved or involve other people to do their part to be achieved.
You can tell the reverence that Dr Delony has for Jordan.
What a positive, insightful and fascinating discussion.
Pod casts are where it’s at.
What an awesome podcast! As a psychology major and an observer of what is going on in this current society you are both spot on. People even in relationships are very lonely. They are not forming deep and meaningful relationships because most have not worked through or healed past emotional trauma. And it is true if you do not heal it, it keeps repeating itself. And even after you heal it the Universe seems to throw you a test to see if you will repeat your past mistakes! Great talk for this crucial time in human history.
Agree with you on this one. If you arent satisfied with yourself while you are single or alone(if you didnt solve your problems), partnership wont make you automatically happy. It might help somebody in some cases but overall it doesnt solve the problem. You should figure out yourself first. Another way to say it is: to pull someone else up, first you should be strong.
This video is a fireworks show! Both of you were just blowing up all parts of my brain here!
It occurred to me that what JP is able to do, is articulate for the masses. He is able to see and put into words that which most of us cannot. Which would explain the "awe struck" reactions he gets from even the most learned.
He's a voice for the masses against injustice and lies.
Lord, help these "social media experts" in Canada.
I've lived in my home on a 1 block street for 28 years when we mived here all neighbors welcomed us to the neighborhood, brought baked goods etc. We've all maintained this when new neighbors move in. Now its easy to borrow a mower when one breaks or an egg.
Man, Jordan B- this guy is legend - one of very few people on the planet who can translate mind pictures into words - and translate thoughts into words - so grateful to have people like him - God bless you.
This video has been so helpful, I grew up very nerdy and introverted, while also being homeschooled occasionally due to health issues. There have been several times in my life where I have been crippled by social anxiety that would keep me from reaching out and making friends or forming relationships. Once I moved to a new place, was invited over to hang out by some people my age who I passed by outside my apartment complex. I then proceeded to walk home, and spent 2 hours pacing in front of my front door, trying to figure out how I was supposed to introduce myself. It was an inner battle that I’m glad I won, because it led to some of the most important friendships I’ve ever had.
A few years later I read the book How to Win Friends and Influence People, a book which changed my life and helped me to learn to quell my social anxiety. Talks like these help me understand how I can apply myself better in social situations, thank you gentlemen for all the wonderful advice🙏
As a highly creative & conscientious introvert only child, I encourage you to ✨SHINE✨ with a [potentially corny] acronym that helped _me_ gain confidence every time I meet someone new:
S-smile
H-handshake (reach out your hand first... or in this post-COVID era: demonstrate a friendly hand wave)
I-introduce yourself _first_ before you ask their...
N-name
E-eye contact! Appropriate level, not too much staring and not too little where you may come across as a shifty liar.
Blessings to you! 🤗💛
@@jessitabonita I love this! Can’t believe I’ve never heard it before, I’ll definitely tuck that away 😁
@@jessitabonita oh, I love this! Thank you for sharing, I'm gonna screenshot and memorize it
@@jessitabonita thank you!
Thank You so much for this video I really appreciate it. 😊 I am
Incredibly lonely I have had 2 very good (as compared with others) marriages. My first husband died at 55
My second husband died at 74.
I am 67 and having to navigate singleness. Covid came along and now I am fighting to get out again. So today I am going to the local convalescent Home to sing some songs with the residents. I hope I can cheer up someone else.
Loving on others gets you outside of yourself, then you discover, as JP says "people are so bloody interesting". If you invest in them, ask about them, serve & love them... then you both are a little less lonely & you have a purpose which fills your heart 😊
Oh man! I so needed to listen to these two wonderful minds! I literally grew up thinking that I am a burden if I’ll ask somebody for help, so I have developed so many fears and so many walls around myself, adding to the fact that I am an introvert makes it even harder. Constantly beating myself up thinking what is wrong with me, why am I so weird?? 🤯🤯🤯
I've met enough people, and I think everyone is weird in their own ways, whether in their beliefs or their behaviors. For some people it's more obvious how they are unusual, and for others it's more hidden (but if you were to move in with them, it would soon become obvious). Take care and keep on being you. 😎
@@pida9669 GOD loves you ....
Think about that....please.
I love that Jordan is having fun with ties and socks. He deserves it!
My husband and I had a heart to heart about exactly our "backlog of communication" yesterday 🤣 I can't even think straight anymore when that backlog piles up 😂
So glad you both were able to iron it out, God bless you both.
This is such a wonderful discussion. It’s my second time listening and I feel like I need to come back to it again. Until this information is drilled in my brain. Thank you 🙏
This is great topic. I see this too. People don’t talk. I used to be introvert because of alcoholic was a monster but once I flee to college I found my self happier in social environments. Then slowly trusted people then talk to others with alcoholic parents and we shared stories in trauma. I realized that my story wasn’t as scary as others. That was huge blessing that I could thank my parents for not being as bad etc. then I felt relief for finally sharing like AA groups do for addiction.. group therapy great to me .. yah do have to be forced social. I not afraid anymore to just start chat with strangers so far it’s good. Now as a Christian I have more to share .. Jesus faith freedom another level. Not only finding friends now it’s loving others. I can start this level cause if Bible truths what Jesus did for us ..
Finding love for others.. those that before didn’t deserve me is great.
if you have high anxiety and you need something that helps to calm yourself down. what i recommend is to close your eyes and talk to the feeling and ask what is wrong and what do you need, almost talk to it like it is a other person. it really works and calming the "other person" down will take away the anxious feeling in a lot of scenarios.
Listening to this a second time today - asked my wife to listen it with me… this is such a informative and honest discussion- that just brings up the things we all struggle with but think we are the only ones - amazing to hear that the solution is being open and honest with the one u love … talk spend time together 😊
I can only speak for myself, but I think the issue most important for me as an adult, was the idea of being " known" in a relationship. It was important for me to be known, understood, live in truth, appreciated on an intimate level, and to know my partner in a similar way. But in order to be "known" you have to know yourself, what made you, the good & bad from your " family of origin." What behaviors in others, trigger you. And the other has to want to know who they are, what made them who they are & in the end, who they want to become. To have the desire even to know the other; that we go beyond being only "tools" for & in each other's lives. ( In the end, a " tool" can often easily be replaced; especially if there's no investment there of emotion, on both parts.
I asked my husband once, who and what am I to you? He started with a list that struck me like a list of pretty generic adjectives. "Smart, pretty, good cook & housekeeper." I pointed out that though certainly nice to hear that those " qualities" were appreciated, it was kinda generic in my mind and many people could fullfill those objectives; but that I was more than just those things. I write poetry. I can be insightful about people & good at navigating new situations. I can be a good listener, empathetic & juggle financial aspects of our marriage well ( which was necessary in the early years). And yes, it would be nice to be known for those things too, once in a while. It would be nice to know more about who he was & what he wanted. It's tougher for some to articulate those things than others & something we still struggle with at times.
Another thing I used to tell my sister ( because we shared coming from a family with some traumatic aspects / incidents attached to our history) was that " dead bodies always float to the surface..and the longer they're underwater, the more bloated & messy they are when they come to the surface. " My point being, the sooner you deal with the ugly incidents, the traumatic history, the pain & fear that was the outcome of these incidents, the better you are able to deal with those emotions, process, learn from how they impacted you & move forrward.
So much of what you say resonates within me & affirms some of my thoughts & approaches. But as always, life & living, especially with a significant other, is a work in progress, meant to be fluid, as you go through the various stages of life.
Wow the whole "ask you neighbor for a cup of sugar" reminded me of my childhood. My mother used to have me knock on the neighbors door for little things like that and it did end in friendship. Now as an adult I can confirm doing something like that feels like a foreign idea.
What a fantastic guest. Indulging on Dr John’s show on CZcams has become a regular pastime of mine. I can’t speak highly enough of his kind and considerate approach to a variety of issues discussed live, combined with his jolly charm makes for entertaining but educational discussions.
Mr. Peterson you are one of the most valuable men of our time. The content you are producing and the way you think and can express certain things to a layman is most desperately needed in our day and age!
What "Preachers", of whatever stripe, are supposed to be to my thinking. Church has gotten sooooooo buried in rote, ritual, tradition, condemnation and JUDGEMENT. Not picking on any particular one either. Or even ones that necessarily believe in God, Allah, Buddha or any other either. I suspect all fail in the end. Just a matter of how long until one realizes how spectacularly they do. Sadly, the best anyone can come up with. Any "new" ones will succumb, eventually, inevitably, to "spiritual entropy" just like physical systems.
This episode is priceless. Out of all the life coaches, online trainings and other self help approaches, Peterson gives the most applicable, valuable, to-the-point advice out there and - incredibly - it's completely free! I've seen people make money off of his research, selling their overpriced stuff as revolutionary info when they present just a fraction, often just a single piece of valuable information in any one session. This whole conversation is just pure gold!
This discussion needs to be shown in counseling and psychology programs.
This man changed my life and i don’t think he understands how much he’s doing for people like me. Jorden Therapist have rejected me i have no one to open up too but i listen to you like i sit with u everyday you have helped me grow into the women i am today. Thank you for being you
Oh my goodness! Dream pairing right here - these two men's works/shows have helped me tremendously over the past few years and to see them together is just fantastic. I was a caller into Dr. John's show earlier this year and he helped me in one of the most difficult situations of my life, and Dr. Peterson's wisdom and work has continuously helped guide me. So cool - thanks to both.
That's amazing. I always wonder how the callers fare....hope for the best but never know.
Awesome. Dr D and his brave callers are all heroes to me. God bless.
You guys have no idea how big an impact this video is making. It's pure gold.
I just got a roadmap for the next 30 years of my life, and I'm looking at the world in a very different way.
Blessings to you both, and thank you.
Loneliness is so much worse when you’re around people. It’s crucial to practice identifying your needs and communicating them to your loved ones.
Enlightening. Thank you.
This has to be one the best experiences ever, two of my favorite people having a meaningful dialogue!! More please!
A lot to take from this almost two-hour episode. Thank you, Dr. Peterson, for adding so much value to our daily life with these honorary guests.
Thank you, you two, Wow what an enlightening conversation!!
Excellent! thank you.
1:12:20 my favorite thing when talking to loved ones about their stress is asking them right out the gate “before you start, do you just want to vent, or do you want me to try to help”
You’d be amazed how often people don’t actually want your help because they know what to do, but they just want to verbalize it to themselves and someone else.
So many people don’t want to talk because they don’t want judgement and prying. They just want to talk and process something off a sounding board.
EDIT: they literally discuss this exact thing at 1:16:30! How neat
I have that people at work. They vent all the time about stuff they can’t fix. They should just change job but they are too old and comfortable with their current job and are anyways addicted to complain about anything. Energy vampires that I just try to avoid, they drive people insane.
You forgot about after venting too strangers then it’s scrolling through tik tok for more Jordan Peterson podcasts too take seriously and then if all goes well the next one that’s posted has alot of very what’s it called again🤔…”disagreeable men”
This man has helped me change my life and I've never ever met him ..... That blows my mind
Both of them have had an impact on me. Dr. John helped me understand my anxiety was a fire alarm alerting me to my inaction. I addressed my stress and the anxiety decreased. I was seriously overwhelmed, causing gut issues.
Dr. Peterson helped me organize my thoughts. His daughter's diet helped me heal my gut and body after years of stress and illness.
These great minds who join to have long form discussion for us are such treasures.
Glad I bumped into one of your podcasts recently. I don't even remember which one, but I knew I needed more! Thanks so much! You make so much sense.
Thank you for sharing this discussion. I'm grateful.
Years ago I moved to London and in an effort to overcome my shyness I used to say hello to people I would see regularly on my way to work. It was great after a while I had a few random friends I would bump in to at different parts of my journey to work. Very nice start to the day having friendly chit chat with new people
🙌
Congratulations. As a Londoner I can say we aren’t always the warmest bunch of people so if you’ve managed to make friends you’ve done well. 🎉
This discussion is a masterpiece! One of the most enlightening videos I’ve ever seen. Wow. Just wow! Thank you so much, Dr. Peterson and Delony!!
Thank you both!!! Great discussion!
This is where Dr. Peterson says the stuff that always did the most for me mentally
Great video, I was in a beautiful marriage before my now ex wife left me,i still love her and most times i can't stop thinking about her, i am doing my very best to get rid of the thought of her, but i just can't, i love her so much, i don't know why i am bring this here for, i can't stop thinking about her!!
it's always difficult to let go of someone you love, i was in a similar situation my wife for 12 years left me, i couldn't just let her go i did all i could to get her back, i had to seek the help of a spiritual adviser who helped me bring her back.
@@bartholetbay412 wow, how did you get a spiritual adviser, and how do i reach her?
My wife of 20 years and the mother of our four children left me four years ago, for no earth shattering reasons other than the usual husband and wife stuff. My world has been upside down since.
Get over it and focus on yourself and stuff you liked before her ….. you will be ok just get hobbies to do when u think about her
@@rayvelwaters I agree with this.
But also I heard Dr. JBP talk about how when we break from someone it’s rewriting our whole future script and how we attach ourselves to that. I’ve never been married so please don’t use that as ammunition to shoot my point down. But I’ve been through cycles of addiction that I thought would overtake me and I’ve had to let someone go and it hurt(/s) tremendously. What helped was me working on myself and realizing that this woman I loved was only alive in my head as an illusion of what I thought she was. She only loved me as far as she could use me. And if you truly love someone, you accept them as they are. Even if that means that they’re not yours. But you must love yourself first and foremost: accepting who you are and only allowing people into your life and orbit who do the same. When you give yourself permission to be, you give others permission to truly accept you and open themselves up. This is the time to lock in but if you’re focused on someone who left you, it may be an indicator of childhood trauma that needs to be resolved. And this isn’t an indictment of you as a person. But I’ve been there. You “love” someone and how they made they feel so different than anyone else. You saw sides of them that were beautiful and equally ugly but you accepted them fully yet it wasn’t enough and you’re left wondering why they don’t accept you or your offerings. Maybe I’m projecting. I love your pureness and I relate to my version of it. God bless you, Original Poster
This is such a treat. My two favorite people diologing together. Thank you so much for this video.
What a treasure this conversation is! Thank you.
I said it before and I'll say it again: the man. the myth. the legend the GENIUS. Jordan B. Peterson
John DeLoney is definitely a peer of Jordan.
I'm coming back and watching this once a month, and am making time to sit down with my partner and discuss this together too. I also bought John's book, and am reading through it slowly. This podcast has been very life changing for me, but I want to keep it intertwined in my life not just watch it once and forget. Really appreciate this podcast and discussion.
John also has a podcast the Dr John Delony Show. It is fantastic as well
Thank you both for amazing advice! Truly amazing 🙌🏻🙏🏻
Such a fantastic video and so needed. I’m going to listen to it again. Thank you for making this, it is helping me
As a man on a hopeful journey of incremental improvement, this is by far the most useful and helpful conversation I have heard since embarking on that journey. You two have hit on nearly every observation I have made of myself, often in shame, and it gives me hope to know I'm not alone in my experience. Thank you, thank you, thank you.
"If you're only fleeing from things you don't want to do then you're gonna be in state of anxiety and depression" J. Peterson
This, my friends is absolutely true, firsthand experience, and I was blaming mental health issues or depression
There's so much value in this discourse, thank you!
I always want a part II to these!
The first 10 min is a little slow but once they get going it's one golden nugget after another. Great relationship advice ❣️