The truth about adopting school aged kids from foster care
Vložit
- čas přidán 30. 06. 2024
- ✨Take the free adoption quiz to see if you are really ready to adopt!✨
adoptinformed.ck.page/quiz
Have you considered adopting from foster care, but are feeling intimidated by the idea of adopting a child over the age of 5? I understand! Let's talk about the challenges and benefits of adopting older kids so you can find out if it's something you should pursue!
📣Comment Policy📣
I created this channel as a space to encourage others. I truly believe that even if we have differing views, we can still get along and be kind. That being said, any hurtful, mean, offensive, or malicious comments will be deleted.
Thanks so much for watching!
-Katie
In the midst of my matching process, I’ve realized that people get really excited when they hear “younger ages” of children we may be considering and that I personally need to get the narrative out of my head that “younger is better” - it’s so tough when people around you (without even realizing) are only advocating for younger children. Once I’ve realized this narrative and where it’s been coming from - I’ve been able to really explore the possibility of adopting an older child and I’m excited about the possibility!
I was a bit older (I entered foster care at 12), but had one foster placement who clearly wanted to adopt (they had adopted a 5 year old internationally, then started to do foster care. I found them on Facebook and found out that after I left they adopted another young child internationally. I was their only foster placement). What I think they didn't like was the idea of a child having different interests, thoughts and POVs that they couldn't change. They were very religious and didn't allow their kids to watch normal tv - I wanted to watch anime. They had certain religious beliefs. I told them I thought God didn't exist and Jesus was made-up. They were no open to anyone having different beliefs or their children challenging them or arguing with them. Nor did they want me introducing any ideas they didn't like to their adopted daughter They had 3 older teen/20-something kids they had raised, so they had their rules set in place and were not going to change them. Flexibility is really crucial and they weren't going to do that. They were absolute that there was certain things they absolutely wouldn't compromise about what their kids were supposed to do, think and believe and absolutely did not think kids saying they disagreed was an option. I wanted to see my mom (despite TPR) and they didn't want me to see her. My life revolved around hobbies they thought were evil and bad,. I wasn't going to be apart of their religion. There was no resolution to this. This is the type of conflicts that do lead to people wanting younger children they can control. Older kids have more formed interests and thoughts. I think people assume someone like me - a white kid who did academically pretty well, went on to serve in the military after aging out - wouldn't have any issues being adopted. And there were families lining up to adopt me. The issue wasn't I had severe behaviors like people are afraid of. But honestly I think those foster families saw me thinking for myself as the worse possible behavior issue because I fundamentally disagreed with them.
I’m an atheist. I know a woman who was in foster care as a kid (11). She’d been SAd & the foster family church had a big sermon about purity and saving yourself for marriage. It devastated her and made her feel wicked & unlovable. They only fostered much younger kids after that. When she moved to a group home at 16 she cut contact with them completely.
My husband and I said we were open to any age over 3- we did not desire to parent a baby. We ended up adopting our children at ages 4 and 6.
I recently found your channel and can't tell you how grateful I am.
My hubby and I have decided to adopt and your vids are so so helpful!
Thank you for all you do! 🙏❤️
I think part of it for people looking into adoption is there is a ton of info and people sharing their journeys of adopting kids under 5. There a small group of people sharing info and their stories of adopting teens. There is almost no one (I think you are the first I've seen) sharing about fostering/adopting school aged kids. I was the unicorn - I wanted to do elementary/middle school because of my experience with those age groups and couldn't find any info.
And now that that I've fostered 4 kids aged 5 turned 6, 9, 14 and 16, I can say the 5 turned 6 yr old was the most difficult placement and it wasn't even close because she didn't yet have the ability to self-regulate or understand what was happening so it came out as defiance and aggression. Older kids who have those same issues end up in group homes or residential treatment - young kids are too young for that so foster parents have to deal with it.
Also, a benefit of school-aged is the fact they are in school. One: you get a break. Two: you get access to a ton of resources: sped, teachers, therapists and if you live a more rural area the school may be the only place where you can get those supports without driving hours away.
As a fellow “unicorn” I agree with everything you’ve said! I appreciate so much hearing more adoption with kids in this age group.
The resources you can get from school is such a great point!
There is one gentleman on CZcams who has adopted a teenager and a couple of school aged children. Bless his heart!
We have adopted 5 teenagers. We have another coming up soon. We have 10 girls ranging from ages 14 to 34. 14,15,16,17,17,17,18, 19, 24, and 34
So special!! We would like to do something similar. Was it hard to find caseworkers who were willing to consider such a large family in a positive light? Love big family life, and it works well for us , but, not many understand how fun it can be with the right situation and family. 😊
@tiagronwald3361
Strange thing is, when I was adopted in 1966, I was considered old and it was very difficult to find someone who would adopt me. I was 3.5 years old. Unfortunately it was a huge mistake. They were highly abusive. Good to see people who have a passion!😊
I'm so sorry to hear that you experienced that...no kid deserves that! :( There was so little information on adoption back then, too. Thanks for sharing your experience with us!
@@adoptinformed ❤️
My husband and I are open to fostering/adoption. We've had some fertility issues over the years and open to fostering older children and eventually adopting them.
So many children over the age of 6 need attention and we really want to help in any way we can 😊
our first ever foster experience was a child who had just turned 5 so I guess we'd just passed the "magic number". ;) It's always the deep end, no matter at what age you start I think...our kid has solid memories of every caretaker before us. It's also important to remember that younger kids grow up, they'll be older kids eventually!
Thank you for being so open and vulnerable! My husband and I are looking to potentially adopt a school-age child and this really calmed my nerves
Thank you as always for the great video! We just finished respite care for a 4 year old and while not clingy, she did needed so much more supervision than an older child. We are open to older ages but I think my hesitation with an older child is the school. I was homeschooled we homeschool our daughter. I don't even know how you do the puplic school thing, I have no context for it. I would have a hard time dropping them off at school all day wishing they could be doing school at home with us and participating in all the cool things my daughter gets to do. I think it would be even harder if they had learning challenges that would benefit from more one on one attention and the state wouldn't allow me to homeschool them and give them what they need.
I also homeschool... Another reason I don't want to foster and just want to adopt
Awesome video Katie!! I love how you present the pros and cons in a matter-of-fact way. And it is so true that it takes a few years to establish your own parenting style and identity. And that toddlers are TOUGH. 💕 Btw your makeup looks fab!!
Very good lived experience information and advice. Keep these coming. Valuable, applicable and appreciated.
I would add adopting an older child makes adoption more practical for older adults. I’m 50 and in the process, I would never adopt a baby at this age but adopting an older school aged child is a good fit for this stage in life.
Really like your videos, so much good information without the “look at me” vibes I get from so many other YT adoption videos.
That is a great point about older adults! Also, I’m so glad you enjoy the videos. I can’t tell you how happy I am that you don’t get “look at me” vibes from my channel….because I can’t stand that either 😅
I’m hoping to adopt a teenager (13/14 probably). There seems to be very little information about adopting kids 12-18 range. :(
It really can be hard to find that info! I interviewed a woman who adopted teens a year or so ago for my channel...if you haven't checked out that video it might be interesting to you! Her name is Karly Pancake. She's on Instagram as well. Also, Tori Hope Petersen on Instagram is a former foster youth and she and her husband adopted a teen a few years ago who is now an adult.
I was in foster care from age 12-18 (and aged out, but had multiple placements who wanted to adopt) and there is such a very wide range of teen in foster care. With babies/newborns there's very typical situations, but as kids get older, how they ended up in the system gets far more diverse. So, there's no really a one size fits all advice about kids that age since everyone has had such very different life experiences. I do think there needs to be better expectations and some of the stories out there from those who have adopted may set-up people to expect certain things that may not apply to all foster youth.
@@KatTheo431 I have two bio kids (12 & 14). There’s no one size fits all with bio kids either. My family is full of neurodivergent people so I’ve learned to not care about how differently my family operates compared to others. We struggle & thrive in our unique way. I’m hoping that approach/experience will help with adopting.
We’re specifically looking to adopt a waiting child/ward of the state rather than a foster-to-adopt approach. We’re only getting foster care licensed so she can live with us prior to adoption finalization, which can take ages.
Any advice you have to share?
my spouse and I are hoping to adopt older. we work well with older kids and see the stats of kids waiting who are older - so we figured, we're not afraid of it, let's do it!
kinda random Q - we're currently going through the foster care cert. did you find it challenging when adopting a waiting child after being certified? I'm worried they'll be like mad at us or something 😅😅 yet, the number of waiting older kids is high in our area.
My husband and I would love to adopt. But I homeschool my kids.
You can homeschool kids who you adopt! There are situations where other school options might be more beneficial for adopted kids (like services that are provided) :)