"If You Have Anxiety, A Dog Won't Help You At All" - Emmy Blotnick Performs Stand-Up
Vložit
- čas přidán 19. 04. 2022
- Former Late Show writer Emmy Blotnick comes home to the Ed Sullivan Theater for a stand-up comedy set that's full of great advice for new dog owners, and anyone venturing back out into the world after two years of quarantine. Catch Emmy this weekend at the Moontower Just For Laughs comedy festival in Austin, Texas this weekend and find more tour dates on her website, www.emmyblotnick.com/#shows-s.... #Colbert #StandUpComedy #EmmyBlotnick
Subscribe To "The Late Show" Channel: bit.ly/ColbertCZcams
Watch full episodes of "The Late Show": bit.ly/1Puei40
Listen to "The Late Show Pod Show" podcast: link.chtbl.com/Awagtx95?sid=yt
Like "The Late Show" on Facebook: on. 1df139Y
Follow "The Late Show" on Twitter: bit.ly/1dMzZzG
Follow "The Late Show" on Instagram: bit.ly/29wfREj
Watch The Late Show with Stephen Colbert weeknights at 11:35 PM ET/10:35 PM CT. Only on CBS.
---
The Late Show with Stephen Colbert is the premier late night talk show on CBS, airing at 11:35pm EST, streaming online via Paramount+, and delivered to the International Space Station on a USB drive taped to a weather balloon. Every night, viewers can expect: Comedy, humor, funny moments, witty interviews, celebrities, famous people, movie stars, bits, humorous celebrities doing bits, funny celebs, big group photos of every star from Hollywood, even the reclusive ones, plus also jokes. - Zábava
This is somehow both calming but still funny. Can we call it calmedy?
🤔 *That would be Steven Wright, right?* 🙃
Edit:
_I couldn't resist to write right after Wright. __#JustSayin__'_ 🤷🏽♂️🤭🤣
@Brenton Schultz @Chelsea Rivers @Andrea Madden @Tom Joshua @Jordyn Vargas *I'm following yo' SpamBot ass.* 👁️🤬 @Cadence Garcia @Adrian Spears
*You got TOO DAMN many accounts.* #SPAM
ASMR comedy?
Therapy
Brilliant, hope you're a writer! If not, you should be!🤣😁
When she was asking questions she had a bit of a Mitch Hedberg vibe.
She is great. More please.
Totally!!
I used to like Mitch Hedburg. I still do, but I used to too.
She totally did, you're right. That isn't an easy thing to pull off but she was really funny.
I was getting those same vibes. Solid set!
Agreed. Just needs to darken her lenses
The hairless cat bit! "I didn't do it, but the woman behind me went for it."😂
She's really chill and likable
I love her voice. It's so sweet.
I agree, very cozy
It's very strange, both the pitch and the cadence are variable. Unusual...
Gawd, she's funny! The image of being renovated by a guy in a van will live with me.
If that van were also an Uber, and you could emerge squeaky clean and ready for work...
I am kind of on board with that idea, actually. 🤣
"I mean, sure, it might be the last thing that ever happens to you but.... it's so convenient!"
Sounds like a good idea. To me anyways 😂
@chez moi
I would have rewritten that bit as, "He trims your nails, cuts your hair, cleans your teeth. And afterward says, "You're a very good girl, Clarisse."
I often feel like a smug Roman emperor when I see a comedian walk out on stage. I think to myself, “Come Jester. Attempt to make me laugh.” Well, Emmy Blotnick is freakin’ hilarious. Well done.
I was about to "Uhm, actually" that Jesters were a late medieval thing but I looked it up and apparently they Romans had something similar called Balatrones. Neat!
@@havcola6983 😁 I shall amend the joke in the future!
I didn't give a 'thumbs down' because I didn't want to see her eaten by the lions.
I always wondered who are the people who Google odd ball questions such as 'does a dog understand an elevator?" Now I know.
Humans don’t understand elevators either, if they did they wouldn’t call it an elevator when it’s going down.
You.
😂😂
Such a great set. She seemed so comfortable and had great pacing!
I agree on many of these points, but I thought the entire point was how UNcomfortable she sounded. I felt like that was her bit.
@@Eenkognito Yes, that's what good actors do.
Yep, but your responding to a happiness bot.
People will program, or sometimes pay a group of people to leave positive messages.
Because most people don’t think, they often just repeat versions of the first few things they read in the comments.
Ai is just going around dropping comments on videos to help narrow the viewpoints to one’s they want.
@@babaayman9658 But I'm not a bot or paid. Just genuinely enjoyed the set.
@@babaayman9658 you're* ridiculous
I'd be happy if I just went to the doctor's office and they actually figured out what is wrong with me without sending me to three other appointments with three other doctors in three different locations on three different dates months apart.
Save yourself. you can do it. Read. Treat yourself
"actually"
Awesome performance!! Thank you Stephen for supporting smaller artists!!
She's actually quite tall, despite the oversize jacket.
I'm almost embarrassed at how hard I'm laughing & how much I can relate to both conversations & dog grooming!!! Hilarity & truth!
Emmy is sometimes a panelist on NPR's Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me! and she's really funny over there! As a writer for this show, she did come up with something fantastic that I think Stephen ought to have mentioned - she is the one who had the idea of publishing Whose Boat Is This Boat?, and they did just that. Bravo, Emmy!
Is this the way she talks or she was just very nervous here? Her set was great, yet she seemed genuinely surprised by the laughs she was getting.
@@janoskis2725 I believe it's how she usually is - I wonder if she's surprised since Wait Wait has been done without an audience (mostly) when she's been there? But then, I imagine that she's done a lot of stand-up before - I'm guessing that it's just her brand.
I knew I knew her from Wait Wait! She's fantastic, and this was a side-splitting set.
@@ghilemaer Indeed! I think it'd be nice if Stephen one day had Bill or Peter on his show - after all, he's been on theirs (twice).
THAT. WAS. AMAZING. I'm sitting at my desk at lunch laugh-crying. Thanks!
The first time my Australian Shepherd went into an elevator, everything was fine until the doors opened and she was in another dimension! She was very confused, looking all around and behind her. When we went back down she was fine and has been nonplussed since then.
Once they realize that it's a spaceship that travels to a different planet, it's all good.
*She was nonplussed the first time amd hasn't been nonplussed since then.
@Alena Barrett Also this is bot spam on all sorts of videos
That was a solid tight-five! Well done!
@Adeline Pratt shhhh sh shhhhh! It'll be ok in the end.
That was dope and I found myself smiling through the entire set.
Great set! Hahaha I love that they feature up-and-coming comedians
Emmy Blotnik, I laughed so hard at your dog jokes! Good job!
I was just thinking about the last time she did stand up on the show, and how much I loved it!
Emmy made my morning. Thank you!
@@nba1942 GFYT FK'NTROLL
It's so much funny but more relatable than anything
Emmy is so good… like a hug!
Love her...wish she was my buddy and my neighbor hell my roomie! Funny as hell.
What a great set. This girl is really funny.
Stephen thank you for sharing, she is really funny.
Wonderful set!!
I want more 😁
😆 _Good material... I'm happy to see Emmy again._ ❤️
*Cheers from Cancún!* 🇲🇽🍹🏝️🍻
@Cadence Garcia *Where dafuq have you been? I've been waiting on you to SPAM me, too. @Adrian Spears You got many accounts to Fuq'n SPAM with! You were a different chick on the other account and now you've changed again! 😆 You're bored & having a Fuq'n identity crisis... Awww.* 😘🤭
Happy for you in Cancun is it warm and gorgeous? Im in california and its cold..not freakishly cold like nebraska or chicago cold but certainly so cold all you can do is wrap up in a heating blanket chatter your teeth and drink chai tea while listening to weather for eastern states thinking what part of the brain must a human be missing to endure living in a sub zero freezer? What kind of oblivian is this if they came to california mid summer or cancun any day of the year would the frozen non functioning run away from freezing temperatures alarms finally thaw and begin to make these people part of the living again? What must go tbrough their minds as tbey peer from 1/2 inch of uncovered sunglassed goggled eyes wrapped in 3 shirts 2 sweatshirts 1 hoodie one parka one headband one beanie with ears and tied and the parka hood cinched up 3 pair of socks one thick wool pair of knee highs under 3 leggins one pair of saeatpants with jammie bottoms under those one pair of doc martins with foot warmerx inside each shoe and 3 pair gloves 2 scarves and your work access key is on a lanyard around your neck zipped buttoned tied cinched pulled off lifted 1234 layers and 2 sportsbras and one cotton tank extra long to cover your asp...oh no, the door unlocks but you have dropped your gloves and sunglasses off the staircase 4 flights down a blustery wind howling stairwell. Ugh. Cancun cancun ....you lick your lips and suddenly regret it splitting frozen blue lips beyond repair eyelashes white end of nose charcoal grey and blue violet purple blushed cheeks to match your lipstick and all five fingenails of winter blues.
@@gritskennedy5007 Well, 🥵 I'm sweating like hell at the moment in the kitchen cooking and would love to feel the COLD stuff that you so eloquently described. 😆 ❤️
Emmy is my new fave laff purveyor. Awesomeness.
She's so funny 😆
Oh man, she's too much 🤣😂 Love it
Our best wishes for you and your family Stephen!¡!
Great to see stand up.
You guys should have more stand up👍
Rare, good microphone technique for a change, thank you.
I'm dying. Hilarious!
Excellent material and just the right amount of filler with a strong finish and a catch phrase.
The stand up segments are always really good
Excellent set by Ms EB.
@@andreamadden9153 @Tom Joshua @Jordyn Vargas *I'm following yo' ass.* 👁️🤬 @Cadence Garcia @Adrian Spears
*You got TOO DAMN many accounts.* #SPAM
I loved her.
Skinless cat? No thanks. Boneless cat? Now we're talking. --ALF
*ALF?* _Never heard of 'em._
*HA!* ❤️🤘🏽👍🤘🏽 ❤️
Soupy, I like how you think.
@@daviegriffin3539
You Alien Life Forms don't eat Lemurs do you?
@@whatabouttheearth 🧐 _I can cook __-for-__ you perfectly with Kitty 🐈 Bullion Cubes._ *HA* ❤️😆
Cheers from Cancún México! 🇲🇽🍹🏝️
@@daviegriffin3539
I'll stick to leaves, flowers and insects...with bullion cubes and Limon 7. Madagascar ring tailed special
Emmy's got Tea Leoni's looks AND Mitch Hedberg's delivery! ❤️
I totally got Mitch Hedberg vibes, too! Same kind of nervous self-conscious energy. I love both of these comedians!
Woo! So happy to see Emmy Blotnick. Hands down one of my favorite comedians ❤❤❤
Ok, that was HYSTERICAL!!😂😂😂
And it’s really nice to watch stand-up that isn’t completely vulgar and gross. It’s just proof that _YOU DON’T HAVE TO BE SLEAZY TO BE FUNNY._
Very good content and pacing! Hope her comedy does her well!
Really like her. Good observations too
Yes! Amazing set!
I like her energy
Absolutely amazing set!
She's adorable.
Excellent!
I thought this was posted a year ago, not a day. So when she said she was going to buy Twitter, I nearly had a heart attack. This person can see the future!
This bit made me smile. She's awesome.
Oh my gosh. I'm obsessed. What a fantastic human.
Her pacing is so interesting. I love it
come to brazil
Amazing!
Cool. Funny. 😎
Uhm, I have a cat for anxiety. 😉My wife has a dog, and she's a nervous wreck.😜
Too fun! Thank you!
I couldn’t sleep and this video helped me
I want to be buddies with Emmy. Not just because she has a dog but because her outlook on things that happen in life is exactly the kind of realistic optimism I aspire toward.
You are awesome!
She’s right about dogs. I love dogs in general and mine in particular - I don’t know what I would have done without mine during the pandemic - he certainly kept my mood up. But boy, the list of things dogs can’t eat! Onions. Chocolate. Grapes. Garlic. Macadamia Nuts. Tomatoes. Bones. Beer. The list goes on and on…who knew dogs were that fragile?
It’s weird to think that I have a strong, scary “pit bull” with the jaw strength of 10 bears and the tenacity of 20 Jehovah’s Witnesses, capable of pulling someone’s arm off whenever the mood strikes him - but he can be taken down by a grape. 🤨
Good job Spanky.
Love your work...8-}
Great delivery
I laughed out loud, and then re-watched the whole set just because of "...is your cat *only bones*?!?" 🤣
I like her energy.
I love her on Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me!
Look for "Dogs Who CAN Build an Elevator," on the next Rescue Dog Rescue.
Lololol love the vroomin human grooming idea I would do that ! Great set !
I’m in love with her now 🥹
I really like this Van concept... so obvious when you think about it.
She's amazing! Even though I am and was subscribed here somehow I missed when this got posted. Just found Emmy elsewhere so I'm going through all the appearances a search brings up. She's soooo funny!
(She looks better with dark hair IMO, but still funny either way)
The Human Groomin' van can sell Bachelor Chow for extra revenue.
A delight!
Bravo Emmies For Emmy
Love the yellow jacket! It is subtly yellow, not blazing!
She was so funny on Doughboys I had to search her stuff. She has great material and her delivery/timing has me in constant state of giggle.
Gosh she's adorable
Barbers used to do dental work, even minor surgery. So Emmy's idea is not far-fetched at all.
Lol hilarious 🤣
Solid set.
oh wow, this was so great!!!!!
@NBA HIGHLIGHTS huh? What kind of spam is this?
So funny!
"I'm thinking about buy Twitter..." - - haha
@Dillan Powell no fuk wat u saying it here....
Vroomin with hooman groomin!
OMG hilarious!!
Ever Wanted to Love A Bit Soo Muchhh, but Didn't? Guilty. Hehe!
Emmy blotnick crushes again
she's adorable!
Neil's passion for his work is inspirational. He's the opposite of the self serving pundit.
Nice to see her get the Colbert Bump! 😎
The vibrato in her voice adds a note of anxiety to her routine.
I’ve been wondering where she’s been! Haven’t heard from or seen her in a couple years. I really love her material. Glad to see she’s still around.
Emmy made me laugh, several times. I hope she sees this :-)
Lol barbers actually used to practice dentistry
I totally get the skinless cat one. 😆
Top Tier Wait Wait Don't Tell Me comedian!
I could've sworn his sign-off was "James Corden sucks, goodnight!"
I mean, he really does suck
That was hilarious. Does this Vroom come with a happy ending or was that the sausage?
Turkey sausage? Where do I sign up??
She was really funny