Brain expert on the biggest parenting mistakes, divorce & spanking | Ep. 64
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- čas přidán 31. 05. 2024
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Brain expert Dr. Daniel Amen provides parenting advice to Matt & Abby, discussing the biggest parenting mistakes, the effects of divorce on a child's mind, and the problems with spanking.
Dr. Amen's IG: / doc_amen
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Chapters:
00:00 - Episode 64
03:28 - Solving your kid's problems can actually hurt them
14:20 - Video games are ruining child brain development
25:10 - There's no such thing as everything in moderation
37:14 - The No. 1 rule to parenting
38:14 - What to do when your toddler throws a tantrum
45:51 - We married before our brains were fully developed
56:41 - Why you should never spank children
1:00:54 - Is it possible to over-praise a child?
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I'm reminded of something Dr. Mike once said, if they're speaking in absolutes and saying they're an expert, you should think critically about following their advice. True experts often say "it depends" or "I don't know". Fear mongering is a valuable marketing tool, but not often based in a sustainable, scientific framework.
This is a great point! I also think he has good points but they seem a little too black and white and simplistic. Good to stay critical :)
Yes! Speaking in absolutes sell books. (Think Dave Ramsey) but true humility and having a willingness to continue to learn leaves a lot of room for nuance.
Yes yes yes 100% Thank you for saying this!!! And not to tout Dr. Mike as the expert who knows no wrong, but that is the case here I’m afraid!
I agree and would love to know how many kids this man has raised himself….
@@pinjahuju193 This is exactly what I was going to comment - he's too black and white in my opinion, but he does say a lot of good things too. For example the thing about "special time" and seeing your kids, spending time with them, being there stands out to me. My parents never came to watch my after school activities, but they did with my brothers, and it's always been a sore subject for me and something I've brought up to them. It stands out as one of the biggest things I feel like I missed in my childhood.
So many people dislike this one. Listen, take what you want, and leave what doesn't work for your family. Bottom line, thinking how to and trying to be better parents will always be better for our kids than staying stagnant.
People are allowed to criticize :)
@@Backpackguy12exactly… and so is she :)
Truthfully though… this is just critical thinking and spot on. Thank you, @leisaann. Eat the fish, spit out the bones.
This! Dr amen is great and has proof to back up what he is saying.
AND that doesn’t mean it’s for everyone.
I’m a fan of Dr amen. I have compared his studies to other gut and brain doctors, it’s very similar if not the same.
If we do the research into what we’re hearing and find those similarities, being able to judge or criticize someone’s work is easier. You find what’s worth listening to and what’s not.
It takes more than one episode to learn about a Dr and where they are coming from.
A little tip for the “don’t tell kids that they’re smart” instead, let them know that they’ve worked hard! Praise them for how hard they work and the effort that they put into things! They will build their self esteem based on how hard of a worker they are rather than how smart they are.
The consequence for telling them that they are “smart” is if they feel like they can’t live up to being smart in a certain situation, they will give up trying to find the answers. They will feel like that they always have to get the correct answer rather than working to get the correct answer.
Exactly! I wasn’t really encouraged as a child, but I also wasn’t treated like I was stupid. My attitude has changed a lot since then, and I’m now doing a degree.
👏👏👏
On the tantrums...
My son is 2 years & 10 months.
If he starts freaking out and throwing a tantrum, I always say, "I love you, and crying will not get you what you want."
It's worked wonderdully!
My son just turned 3 March 24th and they’re only getting worse 😭 I stay firm and don’t give in but he just doesn’t. Care.
I do think that if you say, if you have a tantrum the answer is no, and sticking with it. That’s great. But being a parent is hard. No doubt about that. And every kid is different.
On the tantrums I do not agree with him our kids are all grown in there 30s and we spanked them and they had manners and they knew if they misbehaved what was going to happen. We meant what we said but our kids didn’t have internet or phones and I’m glad they played outside and watched cartoons. Our kids turned out great so what he’s saying isn’t a set in stone way to raise kids and we told our kids they were smart and could do anything they set there minds too and they did , we supported them in what they wanted to do and are there for them always .
I literally took my son no where from 3 to almost 4 years old. It was a 9- 10 month timeframe where I didn’t go to restaurants and we didn’t go shopping. Everything was online or pickup. And then one day the tantrums ended. It was so weird. I guess his brain was just really working overtime at development. I was lucky though because I didn’t HAVE to take him anywhere. 3’s were a rough time in our house!
@@nattylite9220 I have 6 younger siblings and we call them twonagers and three agers 🤣🤣🤣🤣
MISS RACHEL IS NOT A SPEECH LANGUAGE PATHOLOGIST! Pediatric occupational therapist here. She DOES know a lot about speech, has many really great tips, and makes nice videos for parents to help teach about how our kids learn to communicate. Just know that she is not a licensed professional of speech AND even as her videos as quality, it doesn’t make watching them great for your kids. If they’re watching her occasionally, all good, but I really recommend you watch too and take what you learn to communicate better with your kids in real life! Real life is where we learn our most functional communication skills
Yes, her degree is in music education she is currently going to college for early childhood education
Speech Pathologist here. Ms Rachel is not a speech pathologist. I know she is entertaining but you as parents can and should implement the same strategies that she uses. Just play with your child, interact with them and talk about what you are doing and what they are doing. Sing, do fingerplays, just have fun!
YES! From a fellow SLP, THANK YOU!
Yes!!! 👍🏼
Thank you I was like what the heck
Thank you!!!! I personally think it’s sad to sit a child in front of the tv and have someone else explain things to them, or entertain them, or teach them x, y, z. I could understand in a teenager or maybe after 7-8 y/o. But earlier it is sooo important that we take that responsibility and sit down and talk to our kids, and play with them, and teach them. We are the parents after all not Ms. Rachel or an app on the iPad. Maybe for 30 minutes a day if you really need to but more than that just seems like you are letting someone else do the parenting… and honestly I’ve seen the difference between kids sitting down watching whoever and a kid who’s parent actually speaks to them, and worlds different!
Yup! My daughter is only 19 months and she knows so many words. We don’t have a tv and I rarely do screen time (and only for like 10 mins max). But we just read and read so much!
barely even watched more than a couple of minutes, but his POSTURE. oh man. spine health is important, too.
actually, I really enjoyed this episode. :') lots of interesting information.
@@wellhavencoI did too!
was thinking the same thing!!!
Crossed my mind tbh
Yes! He's compressing his lungs and getting less oxygen to his brain!
"Don't tell your kids they're smart." That is a fine line. I think it depends on the child and the circumstance. You don't want your child to be prideful and grow up to be arrogant thinking they are smarter than everyone else. You want them to be humble. My first kid is on the autism spectrum and I do tell her she's smart. She is and she is the type of kid who needs reassurance and encouragement. My second kid on the otherhand, I tell him things like, "Wow! That was a great idea!" or "Great job!" He has a different personality. Everyone is different.
Dr Ben Carson believed he was the stupidest kid in his class. Buf his mom always told hom he was smart, very smart. She got him go read books and stop watching t.v. Eventually he wanted to live up to his mom's belief in him.
Dr.Amen doesn’t say this because he thinks it will give children a big ego. It’s actually the opposite. His argument is that when children perform well and you tell them they are smart, they think they did well because they are intelligent. So then when they don’t do well later on, they can come to the conclusion “oh I guess I’m not as smart as my parents thought.” Instead, he says to compliment their effort so that the child learns that working hard is the important part, not the final result.
How about just saying ‘you made a good decision’
I think he is primarily referring to neurotypical children, because the circumstances of course differ when a child's brain has different needs.
@@izahhhhhI don’t think so, he mentions a nephew with tourette syndrome and a daughter with attention deficit disorder. So he sounds fairly familiar with neuro conditions.
Tell your kids they are smart. I told both of my daughters they are smart, and they believed me. One has her PhD in chemistry, and the other is heading to law school in the fall. My parents never told me I was smart, and I believed I wasn't.
Yeah I saw the short before the podcast was posted of him saying not to tell your kids they’re smart and regardless of context that’s a statement I cannot agree with.
The idea is based on The Growth Mindset by Andrew Thomas. The idea is that if you tell them they’re smart it becomes a part of their identity and they develop a fear of failure and seeming “not smart” so they don’t try things they think they won’t be good at. That is a very rough summary, I would recommend the book to read if you’re more curious about it. Obviously you can tell them they’re smart but you should more praise their hard work and effort because everyone can get smarter or better at anything they put their mind to, even if it is difficult for them at first.
I am not trying to be disrespectful but you’re clearly not educated on child psychology. Anyone who has taken a child psychology class or even a developmental psychology class knows that this is true. I grew up with my parents constantly praising how smart I was but never the amount of work and dedication I put into things. I know my comment will not persuade you but I really encourage you to do some research about this topic. I was shocked and sort of defensive the first time I heard it too, but it really has so much research to back it up. I do agree that this doctor was not the best at explaining some of these concepts, but he is correct.
Words are powerful or the lack of….
Help show your kids they are smart.
This mindset around food is how people can develop eating disorders. I know it’s important to eat healthy and avoid processed food and sugar but making the food out to be scary and completely off the table is not a good idea in my opinion. I was raised in a slightly controlling environment around food and was told certain foods were terrible because they had sugar and I developed an eating disorder by age 10. Had 8 years of anorexia. I’m still recovering to this day. I think Matt and Abby do a wonderful job (from the tiny bit I’ve seen) of feeding their kids a healthy balanced diet with some treats mixed in and positive talk around food. Hopefully this interview won’t change how they are doing things because I think they’re doing great!
Well said! I went through the same as a kid and ended up a binger. I am teaching my daughter moderation now and never labeling foods as good or bad. Dr. Amens perspective is so harmful in my opinion
Amen!!!
Absolutely! My thoughts exactly. I would rather my children have a healthy relationship with food (ALL kinds) and listen to their bodies than label things as ‘good’ and ‘bad’ and encourage unhealthy eating habits and more mental health struggles
Take a shot every time the doc says "I wrote a book". 😂
Or “I did a study” or “I scanned the brains of..” 😂😂😂
lol marketing
Shoot if I studied as hard as him I would too😂
He's promoting the book. That's why he's on the podcast.
Very difficult to trust a person who speaks in absolutes this frequently. You would think a psychiatrist would be more careful with their word choice…
Why shouldn’t he if he’s seen all the evidence backing his takes? The problem with doctors today is that they don’t know anything. Do I have this issue? Idk but I’m treating you for it. It’s a joke. His job is to know what he’s talking about. Imagine if you read 100 studies that said smoking is bad for you but you decide that smoking in moderation is fine. It doesn’t make sense, of course you’re gonna say smoking is bad period because all the evidence shows that. He doesn’t have to soften the facts because people don’t like them.
@@Antibeautyguru Would believed someone if they told you the sky was red with thousand of evidence to back it up? Stop acting like we know everything when we don't, there is a lot we do know, but not everything.
@@XMissGX That’s an awful example. If I can see the sky I can see what color it is but I’m not a freaking scientist. You really think you know science like you know the sky is blue? You must be delusional then.
@@Antibeautyguru I have to disagree with you! IMO, doctors today are very smart and know their stuff, if they don't know, they've referred me to a specialist. Just in the last week, I've taken my Dad to the ER 3 times and the ambulance 2 times, and my Mom 1 time to the ER, then on to a specialist by ambulance and now both of my parents are home doing much better! The doctors finally figured out what is wrong with my Dad because they worked together and consulted with a specialist!
For me, Id rather a doctor say he/she doesn't know everything, than to have a doctor who thinks he/she knows everything
@@Antibeautyguru how about being kind instead of calling people names? Did you allow your kids to talk disrespectfully to others and call them names? You shouldn't do it either! Just because your behind your computer screen and don't know the person, doesn't give you a free pass to be unkind. I pray God gives you everything you deserve!
I looove Dr. Amen's stuff, but as a tired pregnant mom at the end of a long day of solo parenting, my 1 year old just watched 20 minutes of Ms. Rachel so I could sit and eat a cookie and non-organic milk and not lose my head 😂😂❤
Same here. His advices are great overall, each person can apply the ones that fit their circumstances the best. Sometimes 30 mins of Ms. Rachel is better than a parent having a meltdown because it cannot cope or even go to use the toilet for a few minutes. Each situation each scenario each balance. I think he would do the same if he was in your shoes.
I only agree with some of what he said. I get he's a brain expert but he seems pretty full of himself. Yes everyone should be healthy and make healthy choices. Eat right, exercise, spend quality time with your family is all we can do. You be you. Some of his advice is good but you need to decide what is best for you and your children.
Even in just the intro clip he only said one thing that is back up by the wider psychology field. This guy’s a quack.
Specifically “Never tell your child they are smart” is an insane thing to say, not just as a parent but as a psychologist. While many psychologist do seem agree that it’s possible to over praise he takes this oddly extreme position that doesn’t seem to be grounded in evidence.
“Everything in moderation” = “I’m cheating” is also an insane take, borderline miss information, and that one’s not even within his field of study. Any doctor willing to give advice, even casually like this, on a field that isn’t even close to his field of study is not to be trusted.
He seems to be more concerned with saying shocking things that get attention than true things.
@@jacob416he’s right about the smart thing (i haven’t watched that part yet so i don’t know how specific he was) but there is a lot of research in the education field too about it. It found that children who are constantly told they’re smart tried less hard at school. The take away is not to simply tell them they’re smart, we should be more specific in our compliments like emphasising how impressive their ‘problem solving’ skills were etc.
Look what we have here- an average person claiming to be smarter than a doctor and researcher.
I disagree with don't tell your child they're smart. My son is 20 months old and I am so proud of him when he does something new. So I will continue to tell my son he is smart. I also don't care about my son watching TV. Because he gets to watch TV during meals and before nap and bed. He doesn't get it all day.
@@Sama-yd4cl Kids shouldn't try hard in school, it's a wasteful and unethical place. Yes there is such thing as praising kids too much but he's saying NEVER do it, I'd call my kids smart just as much as I'd call anyone else smart which corresponds with how much they act that way, never praising is just being an A-hole.
17:10 'Anyways, back to my dad.' seemed like a rough transition 😅
😂😂😂😂 so true
So dramatic, moderation is a gateway to hell is so extreme.😂
I know right 😂 I agree with some of his points but there are so many extremes and absolutes 😬
i know! lol 😂
While I think his values are strong and well educated, this is an extremely difficult lifestyle to obtain for 95% of people/families. Just the cost associated with all things organic is a large cost difference for many of us who are struggling to just be able to afford non-organic foods in general. Abby looks so uncomfortable and I would have been too if someone was making me feel like everything I'm doing as a parent was being judge and criticized as "wrong" and that you are failing your child. Moderation is key, regardless of what he says. ❤️
He also barely acknowledged her. 95% of his answers were directed at Matt.
@@ksc743 because Matt asked most of the questions.
@@Antibeautyguru if two people host a podcast they can't both speak at once. It generally means one person is asking questions on behalf of both. Matt's questions were on the whole generalised. The Dr could have included Abby in the conversation by glancing her way now and again.
Ppl literally shouldn't have kids if they can't give them the best life possible.
Reminder to every parent watching: Each kid is different. How you parent your kids will be different from kid to kid! You're a good parent!! You are not going to damage your child by letting them watch a screen for 20 mins a day. We watched how many movies growing up?? I think it's all about moderation, and a balance. Play outside, have one on one time with your kid, and watch movies with your kids! Just be kind and loving to your child. Make healthy choices, but don't let one persons words make you feel inadequate.
I watched so much TV as a child and young adult. I'm not the best person in the world, but I think I'm doing ok. If I had never watched TV as I kid, I'd be a different person, worse I think. Most of my good role models were TV personalities. Mr. Roger's, LaVar Burton, Sherry Lewis...ect. Along with cartoons that taught me to be compassionate, patience and forgiving, but also determined and upstanding. I was also outside a ton, play with my friends and learned at school. Most of the studies done about how bad screen time is for kids don't differentiate what the kid is watching or doing. Balance is best, and being active in your kids life is essential. Kids don't need TV, but there are so many things we don't need that enrich our lives.
Watching too much movies and TV is just as bad. Now that I'm an adult I have realised how much impact its had on my life and the lives of people around me. Your mind is moulded by what you've seen and they way you think comes from what you're learning from TV. Alot of childrens movies plant false ideas into your mind. Comparing it to people who lived a more social life and didn't watch too much tv they're doing much better coping with situations in life and they have a clearer understanding of life. That's just something I've noticed.
But it’s not about moderation. People don’t have attention spans today because of the screens. I don’t see how you can see a doctor who has seen all the data say that screens should not be used at least until the age of 3 but you should definitely hold off for longer and then you can say that you’ve decided you can do it in moderation and your kids will be fine. He would know more than you, you want to do it in moderation because that’s what you want, he’s saying not to do it because he knows the fact that it’s awful and does mess with your children.
No one is perfect. We all just do the best with what we have.
We were only allowed so many hours of tv a week. We had chores and homework to get done before we got any down time.
The organic food thing drives me NUTS. Not every family can afford to eat organic! This is a total place of privilege to say don't eat it if it isn't organic. We have never been able to afford organic, but our kids eat lots of fruits and veggies--THAT WE CAN AFFORD.
So true!! If you look into the research, you wouldn’t say such things! I hate the fear mongering!
Honestly I feel like if you overall feed them healthy meals it’s fine
I had this thought! I studied nutrition, and the research shows people eat LESS fruits and veggies when we say to only eat organic. So are we saying eating less fruits and veggies is better than eating non organic berries? Crazy.
It’s definitely difficult and discouraging, I buy nothing but fruit and veggies for my daughter. I don’t buy all organic because we could never afford that, but I do try to buy certain foods that are known to have the most pesticides. You can look up the dirty dozen and the clean fifteen.
It is super expensive. That's why we grow veggies ourselves. In a small space we are able to grow enough to share. ❤
All the things he says are interesting. I will also say I’m glad I have the power of discernment and I trust it.
Yes!
Please think about the way he speaks in absolutes. Parenting is nuanced. Different kids are nuanced. There are good things and bad things, of course, but we need to be careful about such strong language associated with raising children. He says a lot of good things here, but always know that you know your child better than someone on the internet.
Great comment
Couldn’t agree more.. all kids are different.
If the worst thing I do is tell my child they’re smart. I think im doing alright.
I know there’s a lot of controversy in the comments but i love listening to Dr. Amen. He is extreme and I don’t follow any of the things he says LOL but it’s so fascinating. Great interview you guys and great patience throughout 🙏🏼
I definitely self-soothed myself during school. "I might not know the answer right now. but I will figure it out" was kinda my motto during school.I would never call myself smart, but I am an excellent problem solver and great leader because I can take emotion out of school.
I have one year old twins and have found this podcast to be one of the best I’ve listened to thus far. Very very helpful and inspiring to lead a healthier life for all of us. Thank you!!!
This whole podcast is like a therapy session for Matt. Nice guy but he’s very focused on self analyzing and figuring himself out instead of thinking externally.
Agreed. It’s a pattern happening on every episode
fr how many times have we heard about his ADHD now? 😅
i personally love watching Matt connect the dots! What a beautiful thing to see someone dedicated to self improvement and exploration
It’s all about Matt since the kids came along. I think the issues started when Abby said she wasn’t happy in Hawaii. He’s too immature for Abby who is growing all the time.
This is my ex husband without rage (I think) meaning. I idea if Matt has rage and would never think that he just reminds me so much of my exhusband except mine would never have been able to do any of this the microphone would have been smashed upon him not liking someone or something
My parents told me I love that you achieved that, but always remember there is someone else Who is going to be better than you, prettier that you and smarter than you!😂😂 kept me humble
Thank you for sharing this. Dr. Amen is amazing. You both did wonderful and asked insightful and helpful questions.
I can see from the comments that this episode is a bit controversial. I just wanted to say I loved it! I found the whole conversation fascinating, as a 51yr old grandmother I may not agree with everything the Dr said but I can see his logic and expertise on it all. Thank you Matt & Abby for another amazing guest, yours is definitely my favourite podcast because of how diverse your guests are xx
I agree with you. This was my favorite episode and as a mama, I learned a lot from him. I think the problem is that people don’t want to do some soul-searching and realize that they might be making mistakes and learn from him. Fantastic episode
@@Dana-mb1hd Exactly, so many people are mad that he’s speaking in absolutes but if the data is showing that things are absolutely bad or absolutely better these people can’t just decide that moderation is better.
@@Dana-mb1hd exactly they have a habit of brushing it off with emotions, their mind blocks the logic because it comes with guilt
As a 34 year old mom of five, I'm so happy to see younger parents than I try to figure out how to do parenting better than most of us w we're shown
I’m an almost 32 year old mom of one and I clicked immediately! Always looking to learn more about how to be better for my little dude.
May I say as a 72 year old. Don't overthink it so much. Love them, teach them what you know and to be good people. You will do just fine.
Abby you’re doing a great job with doing things in moderation. Don’t think that you’re a bad parents because you let your children watch screens.
People seem to forget how many generations there were before technology even became a thing. I’m glad I had a childhood without them. Get your children playing outside, making friends the old fashioned way. There is so much misinformation out there too. Get them reading books!
@@Anna-1937 Books aren't any better than screens, in fact they have a lot of disadvantages screens don't, if you want your children to be smarter leave them alone to solve problems (not necessarily safety issues) unless they request your help, don't put them in schools and don't restrict video games as they're problem solving simulators which improve your brain and mental health, don't discourage working out and make healthy food readily available and eat it yourself but don't push it on them.
Such a good, thought provoking episode! It was good to hear this perspective on brain health and I plan to put a lot of this information into use. Thanks Matt and Abby!
i 1000% agree with him on the screen time. kids shouldn’t have screen time until their at least 8-10 years old
Says someone over that age, if the good Dr. was under it, you'd find a whole new set of "evidence" and "studies" being cited to support his claims. People mess their kids self esteem up so bad forbidding everything and lording over them, obviously some things are bad for us and even worse when we're young but screens isn't one of them, consider how good screens are for problem solving, reading and learning all kinds of things, socialising etc, it's important for mental health, nothing significant occurs in the human brain approx. one decade after birth which now makes it suddenly start being good for us, nothing works that way.
Well you take a black or biracial child and spend about 5 hours washing their hair and detangling it and then take them to the salon or braid it yourself which is really painful and keep them from running away and screaming the whole time you use screen time. I hate even the phrase of it it's ridiculous.
One of the best podcasts Doctor Amen did, I watch his guesting all the time and I love every second. This one though is very easy to digest and he gave so many practical examples. I learned a lot from this episode.
Hi Matt and Abby!
First of all, I wanted to say how much I enjoy your podcast. You guys seem so friendly and genuine. I look forward to listening to your podcast every week!
I also wanted to say that I’m a licensed and certified Speech-Language Pathologist. Ms. Rachel is not a speech language pathologist, but does have degrees in early childhood development.
Thank you for saying this! As a future SLP going into her CF i hear this allll the time and it bothers me!!! I also feel the need to correct them when they say “Mrs. Rachel taught my kid…” because learning must be done through interaction early on (not screens). Otherwise it’s just a learned association and children can have a hard time truly generalizing. Okay, off my soap box
@@sarahnoelhutchinson6154please stay on your soap box! ❤ Random strangers like me are reading this, leaning, & now going on to do some research of my own. Yall worked hard for those degrees and we don’t mind yall sharing this good information for free 😂
Dr Spock’s child did not unalive himself..however his Grandson did
@@sarahnoelhutchinson6154could not agree more! If using screens, (I am not naive to the fact that they are nearly impossible to avoid in this day in age) research points to at least making it a shared experience between child and adult with the adult facilitating language 😊 with that being said, I should note that any naturally occurring interactions, like during play or meal times are always the best opportunities for learning !
Just a quick pointer to people complaining that organic is expensive. It is but you don’t have to get everything organic. There is a list of “dirty dozen” which is the 12 vegetables/fruits that have the greatest amount of pesticides. I stick to those and don’t get everything organic cause some things that have hard/thick skin are not as important to get organic either.
Just sharing. 😊
Thank you so much for sharing, I never knew this!!
My favorite one so far!!! It was so interesting to hear what he had to say and y’all asked him great questions! Wonderful job❤
I dont think his 9 month old grand kid was saying "papa phone" like bffr
😂😂🤭
It’s comical how many people think THEIR OPINION is going to change science or the truth about brain health. Amazing podcast 👏 very educational and spot on.
It's not that people think their opinion is going to change science or brain health, they just don't think science/brain health says those things in the first place, there is a difference, it also wouldn't always matter if it does, ethics don't depend on studies or research always.
Exactly like they take objective facts, then say ‘everyone is different’ so they feel better about themselves 😂
I really enjoyed this one. I just got over a minor traumatic brain injury so definitely what he is saying about brain damage is so true. It terrible
Loved the podcast Matt and Abby. You guys are learning just like everyone else in the world. Keep up the good work!!❤
Wow!! What a great episode! Really enjoyed hearing about the topics that were brought up!
Great interview guys! This was very informative and eye opening! Thank you!
Matt asking the psychiatrist “how did that make you feel” 🤦♀️
Hahah i loved that! He turned the roles around. But the man loved to talk about his Trauma with his father, so he started with the switching of roles 😅
Yes it felt almost as if this was the doctor's therapy session than the other way round.
I love on other podcasts when Matt asks a awkward question she jumps in with the social awareness
I like Matt's questions🤷🏼♀️
@@ksc743well the doctor was there to be interviewed, so makes sense that he’s going to tell the story that 1) he’s been invited to or 2) that he feels is important to his brand.
I mean why else would a professional agree to be interviewed? This is a different format to just sitting on the sofa chatting with your friends and family like some of their other podcasts.
I really enjoyed it.
I think this is my favorite episode you guys have ever come out with! So phenomenal.
This is my favorite episode as well. I learned so much from this doctor and so much of it makes sense as a parent.
Pregnant now! Thank you for this! This is definitely going to help me and my husband make the best/healthy decisions for our son!
Wait. Matt forgot to ask him if he waited until marriage! 😆
SO SO SO INSIGHTFUL!! Loved this ep!🙌
Greatly informative video Abby and Matt. So great to see this as the journey you are on together! Love these types of casts! It is so great and exciting to see the growth in you both and your streaming. Keep on keeping on
Literally my favorite podcast you’ve put out. Gained so much insight from this and plan to change the way I do things while parenting. Lovedddd this so much
I must say I have been a Matt and Abby watcher since before Griffin, and it gives me chills seeing all the guests they get on the podcast. I am so proud of how far you guys have come!
I told my daughter she was smart all the time-she was and IS! She’s just turned 15, taking college classes for credit and will graduate from high school-not online school the city high school 2 years early. She is in all AP classes and a few college classes and her GPA is 4.36 ish-all of that is great-but what I’m most proud of her for is her huge heart and that she’s a good kid! I have no regrets telling her she’s smart. Cause she is. Life is hard enough with enough people against kids especially these days. If my telling her the truth that she’s smart is bad-I sure wonder who she’d be if I never said that to her….tell them anything good that’s true about them. It’s the truth. They need to hear GOOD truths about them!
Well your daughter certainly does sound smart. But the point he’s making is, being smart is genetic, it doesn’t mean she’s worked hard for those achievements…coz like you said, she’s smart, so therefore those achievements were easy for her.
Ask her to run 8 miles in 90 mins, that maybe difficult for her to achieve, but if she works hard, she can achieve it!
PT here and all I could think of was his POSTURE the whole entire time and it made my back hurt... oh man, spine health is important too 🤣
His posture is about as straight as his scientific methods. Abby and Matt clearly have no shame or they would delete this.
Omg I love Dr. Amen, this collab is so cool!!! If y’all haven’t read his book Change Your Brain Change Your Life, you need to read it like YESTERDAY!
Organic marketing is for people who can afford it, that’s where the problem lies.
Yes!!! That’s what I’m saying!!
OMG, mom of 2 here, who sees your videos and shorts, when the time allows , you know what I mean…one of the best podcasts I’ve listened to. Excellent questions and remarks from both you guys, amazing! And of course brilliant advice and food for thought from the Dr Amen. Congratulations guys, keep it up, all the best from Europe ❤
Omgggg I loved this podcast! Thank you for bring dr. Amen ❤❤❤❤
There's a lot that's wrong with this and a lot that's possibly right. In my opinion, this episode is a representation of how pride can get of the way of true benevolence. While Amen makes some excellent points, his lack of self-awareness coupled with blatant self-promotion and belittling of others makes his message less potent. There is also a lot that he said with such certainty that is just absolute nonsense. It's dangerous how much truth is sprinkled with sheer stupidity. I think most people will listen and confuse his points with fact. Also, please don't blindly listen to his false sense of authority and critically think about what you're hearing.
If he can't see within his own mind and self, how can he clearly do so with others? I hope that he will get the healing he needs within himself as there is much work that needs to be done still, just as there is for us all.
He’s a legend in his own mind 😊
”Everything in moderation is the gateway thought to hell” is a WILD statement 🤣 sorry but agree to disagree here 😁
Agreed, also it seems like trying to get kids to follow strict absolutes usually leads to more rebellion and risk taking, not realistic 🫣
100%
he is saying that the saying in itself is the gateway - not the doing. because the only reason you say it is to justify something you yourself define as ‘bad’. he is basically saying that enabling bad habits is a slipper slope - and that is true.
Loving this episode! Very interesting information for a fellow two-under-two parent
Interesting interview that I feel like is one of those, take the information you find helpful and throw out all the rest sort of thing. Totally understand where he's coming from with his viewpoints, but I also think life is about finding balance and how do we exist in this world in a healthy manner. Yes TV can be addicting, but can we teach our children how to navigate a healthy relationship with it. Same with telling your kid they are smart. That's a positive reinforcement that can be beneficial with the balance of learning and hearing about what they can improve upon.
This was a great conversation. I learned so much. This really has me unlearning so much. THANK YOU. Parenting is hard, but it is so rewarding.
LOVE this episode! Thank you.
This is a GREAT episode. It’s so lovely to hear from someone who very clearly knows what they’re talking about in terms of child development. Such a great tool for new parents to make information like this accessible. Keep up the good work guys!! Hope to see more content like this in the future.
Note: psychology will always be controversial. People hate information that doesn’t fit into their preconceived notions. And no psychologist is right all the time. Most of this man’s information is generally applicable. He occasionally falls into the habit of speaking hyperbolically, but it’s absurd to discount this discussion for that. And people with no media literacy don’t understand that. The straw man arguments in the comments on this video are crazy.
This was my favorite episode yet!
Tell kids the things they do that make them smart. For example I tell my son that his curiosity and determination to figure things out is so smart of him.
Great episode! Thank you!
Telling your kid that they are smart is a good thing. I think that just telling kids things and not defining what it means is the problem. So… tell your kid that he is smart. But tell him what it means to be smart. Tell him that being smart doesn’t mean that you have to have all the answers right away, but that being smart means you can say “I don’t know” but then strive to find the answer. And that’s the problem I have with this guy. He has a very distorted view of what being smart is. He seems to think that he has all the answers. And that’s a very dangerous person to get advice from. There is a lot of power in saying, “you know, I don’t know, but let me look into that a bit and I’ll get back to you” or “let’s look for it together and try and come to a conclusion together” that is what the really smart thing to do is.
I have a little girl, and boy do i tell her she's smart, her eyes light up and she believes she can do anything if she tries and works hard, i will be her cheerleader till my last breath 💜💯
Eating disorder trigger during the brain food discussion. Good and bad food isn’t something you should teach small children
We teach nutritious and less nutritious and my daughter is so excited about which foods fuel her and I think maybe those terms are a little more helpful!
@@kaylachristenson9664 totally agree with you! Foods don’t hold morality
He speaking from a brain perspective, a clinical perspective. It's not like a judgemental- parent- society- social media perspective.
ypu are wrong. I tell my daughter to eat healthy as she plays sports . I tell her everyday the importance of drinking water instead coke, thank God my daughter is slim, healthy and a happy teen. KIDS NEED DIRECTIONIN LIFE.
Having grown up with ED we took the route to not label food as bad for our kid but they unfortunately teach that in school. So now we talk about food that good for your body and food that’s good for your soul.
lol a lot of comments about him liking to speak….. that’s why he’s there guys. Literally why he’s there. :)
Enjoy your podcast so much!
Love this episode very interesting!
I agree with some of what he says but man, I really don’t like him. He’s condescending. The absolutes are a little too much. I grew up with no processed food and no TV. And it isolated me from some peers because I didn’t have the same cultural references they all shared. I’m glad I didn’t grow up glued to a screen but a small amount would have helped me bond with peers.
Loved his point of view!
Im LOVING the episode so far!!
Thank you for this intelligent podcast. Dr. Amen is THE leading expert on behavior and rain health. You have done well for your fans.
I loved this episode so much!! I’d love more doctors, naturopaths, scientists etc!!❤
Loved this so so much ❤
This video makes me anxious.
My kids dentist actually told me that adding water to the juice just made it worse because you're adding more volume when it comes to their teeth. Not health-wise but their teeth. He said it's better to just give him that little amount that you're putting in that water in a cup so they can drink it quick because if they're for example drinking it in a sippy cup but they don't drink it fast. They're like sipping on it
Oh my goodness I LOVE Dr Amen!!! ❤🎉 this is awesome!
Its admirable that they are exploring parenting styles/professional advice/implication of actions before the wild ride truly begins. Toddlerhood and teen years are truly trying to marriage and sanity.
Not for parent's who are non-coercive and respect their kids right from the get go when they reach their teens they'll be a joy cause they've always been treated as such.
@@Mr.Goodkat very true. Although developmentally, toddlers do challenge parents and test boundaries. We as parents have to remain calm, and control our own reactions and emotions, remain respectful and get through these times. With time they’ll model how we react, to eventually navigate their emotions and reactions, or at least from experience mine have.
What a fantastic interview, I found it really interesting. In fact so interesting that I’m going to buy ‘raising mentally strong children’.
Thanks 😊
I'm surprised you guys could fit in the same room as his ego 😂
He’s literally insane. If this is the model brain, I don’t want it.
I absolutely admire the comment about people who use the “moderation” as a way of living
Amazing episode!! , I can't wait to become a parent and learn more ♥︎
YES I have been asking for this FOREVER🙌😎👏
I agree strongly, not to tell your child they are smart. I took the same advice with my child, when I was raising my son. My son is now an attorney. I taught him that he could do anything he put his mind to. Nothing worse than an adult who was clearly told how smart and intelligent they are. It’s the worst.
Why? I feel like being told I was smart as a kid helped me to build confidence and see that I was smart. And kids are going to see other parents telling their kids they’re smart so they might feel left out if their parents aren’t saying that. (This comment isn’t to say like “you’re wrong” I am just curious about this idea)
Correlation doesn't equal causation, there is countless people only pulled through because of complements they received as a child and there is many who didn't because they never got them.
I feel like he needs to go to therapy, he clearly still has some unresolved issues about his dad🤣
he does, but he can use his own experiencies to help other. it wont prevent him on giving sound advice.
Great podcast.
This was RICH. thanks for hosting him! I feel uplifted and educated. Much respect for Dr Amen.
So wish i could afford the brain scans at the clinic. Tried once
Don’t bother. It’s fraud science. If it was real, it wouldn’t cost a fortune out of profit.
Wow!!! Everyone should watch this
His preaching is very annoying because it is very obvious that his is not over how bad his father was to him. I don't know why, but it is hard to listen to someone tell you what to do with such confidence when he has a lot of unresolved issues himself.
are they issue or explanations?
Yes. This is what I was thinking! It sounds like he still has trauma to work through and should definitely do that before giving a lot of advice to people.
Do you ignore what your medical doctors and nurses say if they're a few pounds overweight? If they tell you to stop smoking because it's bad for your heart, but you find out they secretly smoke cigarettes, do you then disbelieve that smoking is damaging to your health?
His dad died with mold in his home and $4B in the bank. I’d rather listen to the local schitzophrenic outside of 7-11
Wow just wow I learned so much
Important. He has good information. However, a few years back, a parent contacted me to assess their child who was having difficulty in reading. I am a certified reading specialist. The grandparents of this child took her to the Amen Clinic who did an initial evaluation and were about to pay 3k for a brain scan. The clinic was going to inject this developing brain with dye for the scan.
I worked with the child for a few sessions and helped them to sort out confusions. She thankfully never had the scan and is doing well now.
Scanning young brains I believe should only be done in extreme cases.
The contrast drug is not injected in to the brain it’s just given intravenously to your arm. Contrast is used in a lot of MRI and CT scans and is generally safe though some people might be allergic and get side effects. But I do agree doing unneccessary scans is well… unnecessary. MRI doesn’t include radiation but CT scan does and having those too often and unnecessarily could increase cancer risk. Though I think MRI is used on brains more often especially in non-emergency contexts because it not only is better in terms of the lack of radiation it gives you more detailed pictures and can show more than a CT (CT is super quick to do though).
My cousin had a scan done by him when he was about 10 years old and it was the best thing for him. He got supplements that are managing his adhd and autism much better than he was before. The scan is worth living a less stressful life.
He’s a quack.
@@Antibeautygurucongratulations to your cousin and his vitamin regimen, but Dr. Amen is a known fraud. All flash.
wait there is such a thing as a reading specialist!?? omg. i would LOVE to do this!!!
His advice about tantrums while incomplete is really good. Kids are going to feel a LOT of feelings as they are experiencing new ones all the time, but they won’t repeat behaviors that don’t give them the desired outcomes. Tantrums will still happen, you really do need to remain calm and ride it out and then when their brain is back to using a calm normal thinking part of their brain talk on their level about what is next/the outcome.
I simply love this episode 🫶🏼
I was 17 when I went 3 hours away to college and did great! Couldn’t wait to get away from home.
Love this conversation, thank you for the enlightening content!