Same here, we are all lovey-dovey, my straight friends and my LGBT friends are all so close, but in my case my culture play a role on why we are like this.
@@HumanSagaVault Yes and if the don't 'leik' you that way, they'll tend to ignore you. I've sometimes come across again and say hello, had a few say after long time, that I was keen on them. Thought bubbles: "Your ego's too big and NO, I didn't."
Tbh if u donât like Make it a personality trait you can be friends, just be aware that straight people especially of the same gender arenât gonna like u being touchy etc
OMG the whole act more effeminate and "gay" around women to make them feel more comfortable thing is so true. Despite the fact that Bi guys are just as capable of attraction to women as straight guys, the Bi guys "gayness" is somehow disarming and makes women feel more comfortable despite them both being equally capable of attraction.
I find it hard and inauthentic for me to lean into the more fem side as a bi guy. I think one has to take care in giving women the wrong impression, that bi guys are not 'a threat' in the same way straight guys are. It's also leaning into erasure, suggesting that bi guys are really just gay.
â@@andrew20146 totally agreed, bi visibility is very important for both straight women & gay men to acknowledge, & all other parts of the lgbtq+ spectrum
It's really difficult making friends post-college. I am still trying where I live. Social anxiety does not help. I hope one day to finally have a queer community to engage with.
Really? I found it a lot easier to find people in online communities cuz all of my other college/law school friends are most definitely living their own busy lives atm. I just went to 5 concerts with friends this year and 4 weddings this month alone and only one of these was with someone I met in law school, the other were long time discord friends I met playing a game or on reddit/twitter. I feel like in this day and age the only way you don't have friends is if you sit back and expect some type of main character moment where people will be the ones to actively look for you.
it happened to me as well, and even after college, I stopped hanging out with my childhood friends bc life happened. So I only had two very good friends and still do, but I began attending this queer cafe, that had a drawing club, and they've now become some sort of friend group and meet up every saturday, go to events together and yeah, hang out in general. My advice is to focus on your hobbies, and maybe find or take interest in an already existing group of people in a queer environment, I am sure you'll be able to at least find one friendly face to get along :).
as a gay man who respects all of his friends, it always makes me sad when I want/think I have a genuine friendship with another queer man and after a while they try to hit on me. Thank you for sharing this
as a bi woman myself i gotta say yes and no lol but in all seriousness the line between platonic and romantic is sometimes blurry although it's just a matter of communication, just like it would be in any friendship or relationship
Iâm a 19 year old bi and what Iâve learned in the last few years is that girls are wayyyyy better for relationships. Guys are 20 times more likely to cheat on u. And straight friends are also way better. Gays are really over dramatic and judgmental
Something I've realised is happening recently, after I have started a new job, is girls wanting to be my friend just because I am a gay man, despite us having nothing in common at all. It's a pessimistic view and its not to say that I am the bees knees lmao but sometimes, as a gay man, it is easy to tell when I'm being fetishised. I've had a few people, some closer friends, damage my self confidence by insinuating that my queerness is the only quality they see in me; as if that is all I am. It makes being friendly to coworkers and making new friends that little bit harder, because I don't know if they actually like me or if if they just want a gay best friend :/ great convo as usual guys!
Elder /retired gay here living in large city with many gays . I've had many gay guy friends over the years, lesbian friends, straight women friends. As an adult few straight guy friends except some childhood friends. Now I need to make new friends because mist have died or moved away. Finding friends in retirement has been hard. Your video is good.
Itâs sad that there are a lot of people in the rainbow community, particularly gays or bis, are requiring âgood looksâ and be a âgood catchâ just to be âfriendsâ. But we know that they are requiring thay because they have underlying agendas (eventual hook up) rather than offer actual and genuine friendships. Unfortunately, here in the PH, the community has been very toxic due to those ârequirements.â I can be more genuine and be myself with my straight friends.
Did you ever stop to think that Tom and Giselle each had an agenda? He wanted someone attractive to bed. She wanted someone attractive to produce attractive children. He wanted someone famous. She wanted someone famous. He wanted his girl to be feminine. She preferred a masculine boy. Some Pedigrees only like Pedigrees. Some Mutts only date Mutts. Sometimes, Pedigrees go for Mutts, Lady and Tramp stuff. Most people have some idea of the kind of food they would like for dinner. Some restaurants require reservations. There are agendas in the world. So what? It's easier to grocery shop with a list.
I have only one gay friend, as a gay man, who is literally my bestie and we love each other platonically. There were feelings at one point, but we have both fallen in love with other people and genuinely moved on. We have never hooked up, or been romantic with one another. As long as their are clearly set boundaries and a lot of emotional maturity than it can happen. I have also had many gay friends for only a few months because they only wanted to have sex with me and im just not a fan of casual sex (which is also very rare to find in the gay community). It is rare to find, but if you are a gay man it is possible to move on from that person you really thought was the one! Like frfr, there are a lot of fish in the sea.
Same here, Iâve only got one gay friend, neither of us are interested in each other, he got married a few years ago, the rest of my friends are straight and I like it coz thereâs no tension
I loved this conversation. Hearing you delve a little deeper into your views on your queerness and how it impacts your world is so interesting. I think you are the only bi couple I follow, so makes me happy to see the representation. đ
Interesting convo, guys. I think we all have different and unique experiences here. Regardless of having met my husband as teenagers and now being middle aged, I've never felt any sexual tension with friends gay or straight over the years. I've never really been instantly attracted to ppl where I would even theoretically hook up with someone. I always find attraction builds over time when you get to know the person, and my husband and I have so much fun as a couple that we've been effortlessly monogamous for thirty years. I love that bc it feels really special to have that between us. It adds to the chemistry. I always think 90 percent of what happens in the bedroom starts outside the bedroom, i.e. flirting, joking, being playful and sweet etc. With that out of the way, we're open to all sorts of friends, but we find that we mostly know other couples, straight or gay. What can be tricky is that straight women and gay men don't always find us to be gay enough for their liking, and straight men don't find us straight enough for theirs. Society has acceptable roles for straight and gay guys, and we fall in the middle. We found it the easiest to make friends in our 30s, bc most ppl were just meeting and dating whom they were going to marry, but they all still liked to hang out in the city and have fun. Now, everyone's dispersed, some have kids, some are far away, and those who are local are so busy with work and family that we can't make spontaneous plans (which we prefer) but have to put dates on the calendar weeks in advance. That's super annoying. We can keep busy, but we just don't have the circle of friends we had in our 30s. I don't stress about it though. Happy to see friends or family when possible and have a million interests to pursue on my own time. Plus we do so much as a couple. Cheers guys
I looked at your photo. Middle aged. Really ? Hot forties. đ Life is just starting. đ . Ciao. From a 65 year old. Who saw the last 25 years fly by in a flash đź.
â@@louisdewit4429 ahhh the photo is getting old, probably ten years old. I need to update! But honestly I don't look all that different. My husband and I are aging very gradually. No kids, don't drink, don't smoke, no drugs, exercise moderately but not fanatically. I think it's working! I'm cool with getting older gradually. Still waiting for that chest hair to grow in but I think it's never gonna happen haha! 65 is a great age. Just met a really nice straight married couple on an airplane that's 65, they rock climb and bike, and they already invited us over!
Very topical. Making friends in a big city is difficult. When I moved to LA in the late 70âs I didnât know what I was getting into. I didnât have a car so it did limit my range of experiences. I was able to make friends through work which made life more bearable. Also back then being gay and out was not advisable. Now after 40+ years in LA I have made many friends and acquaintances however I can safely say I can count on one hand true and lasting bonds which I am truly grateful for.
As a Gay guy, I've always found it easier to make friends with straight guys. I don't know if I was just fortunate to meet the right guys but, there was more sexual activity with them than Gay guys I've known. There just seems to be something about guys that a lot of them if they know there's an opportunity for sex and you happen to be in the right place at the right time, things will happen. I believe in the motto that "a straight guy is just a 6 pack away from his first Gay experience".
LOL you know what, I dunno what it is but back in high school my gay friends were just pals but a few of my straight friends were like "hey, you wanna mess around?" haha completely anecdotal but I hear ya. :P
As a gay man, I have more straight male friends than women. They don't treat me differently because, in everything they do, I do as well such as gaming, sports, bonding, and the like. That's why I don't have any relationships even today because I'm content with my accepting pals. On the other hand, I am having difficulty befriending gays, and I still don't know why. (Even if I'm open to it.)
@@JohnByeBye You know, every year when People, Inc announce their choice for sexiest many ever alive, I always think those editors don't actually care for sexy men. Otherwise, why would they pick that fat slob? Sexy he ain't. Ugly he is. Only this past year have we had a sexy man ever alive who actually is a sexy man. A very sexy man. Now I can die happy. They finally got one right. Not since the days of John Kennedy Junior has there been a sexy man on the sexy man People cover. Phew!
@@JohnByeBye I know it's weird to make gay friends while being gay hahaha I don't know if it only happened to me but I've had very bad experiences with other gays so far I don't have friends who are also gay because they usually ended up liking them or something like that aside I kind of feel that despite That I'm gay I don't fit the stereotype I mean I'm not almost feminine I go to the gym I have all heterosexual friends and the truth is that I personally feel that male friends are much more loyal than women so I almost don't hang out with them and the rest of the gays I know for me they are very conceited or they directly feel like victims of the world and that is why it has happened to me that many of my friends when they found out that I was gay distrusted but over time they trusted me and many end up telling me that they had bad experiences with other gays Because they harassed them I feel that this is a problem now that many gays believe they are untouchable because if they do something to them they would accuse them of homophobia. The truth is my straight friends are the best and sometimes if someone makes me attractive but nothing beyond that, the truth is I am very comfortable with them
I also had straight male friends. It is even hard for me to identify if someone is gay or not because I never care about the preference of the others. Because I never had too much contact with gay people, I never had a relationship. Also, i don't feel attraction to people who don't like me first and because no one ever approached me, it gots more difficult for me.
I dont think is hard making friends. But sometimes people are so on the "are we friends or just friendly" (like you said) and the other thing is caring what other think about having friends as gays (they just wanna f*ck around) why people care so much what other think. At the end you also get trapped on the stereotypes that others build.
(OVERSHARING HERE BUT I FEEL COMPELLED LOL sorry) Tapping into the âgays cant be friends with other gaysâ concept. Iâve always heard people say that itâs because of the high possibility of sexual attraction but for me personally, I found it hard to simply connect with other gay folks. I think it stems from not growing up around a lot of them and connecting with straight female friends was easier solely because of similar interests. I came out during 2011 gay tumblr era (a whole subject in itself that needs to be studied one day haha) and for whatever reason, at the time, it felt like gays were always in constant competition with each other over anything and everything. And me, afraid of any failed friendships at that age, strayed away from the community as a whole. Not sure what my point is here. But as Iâve gotten older, my queer circle is still small, but Iâm definitely more open to making new friendships than I was before. Despite having more straight friends, itâs always nice to identify with people and sharing experiences that most people wouldnât understand. Anyway, thanks for speaking on this. Itâs something Iâm interested in dissecting myself but didnât know where to start. You sparked that for me. Love you both. **limp wrist**
Justin, it's okay to overshare on line. Just don't do it for real. I had friends in high school, like sweater fuzz balls. They were just always around. College was like hitting a jack pot. Queers and dykes and fags. OMG. Coming out the spicket, like water. After graduation, thump. Nada. As in where did they all go? Talk about abandonment issues. I had a new apartment in a new city with a new job. Some bozo moved into my place and stayed for 16 years. But what I really wanted was a friend. Not just any friend, a good friend, a best friend. I still do, and it's been decades in this apartment in this city, now retired from work. Still no good friend. Mr 16 years is about the only person I still have to talk to, long distance, but a lover is not the same as a best friend. You can trust a best friend. Most men do not have friends, certainly no one close. It's a man thing. Women will latch on to anything. That's how they married. Women aren't real discerning. Just make me a woman, big man, make me a woman: give me a baby, then my life will be complete. But for some reason, men aren't like that. Men want authenticity. That a hard one. So most guys due alone. Boo hoo. I love being single. That's my carton of eggs. That's my milk. That's my ice cream to do with what I please. And so forth. I don't have to eat when you are hungry. I don't have to roll over and play dead or get another headache that's killing me (it was never a headache that was killing me in that relationship...). I can read all night. I can watch Film Noir all night. I can eat ice cream all night. I am not sleepy because it's your bedtime. I have dirty stories waiting for my "attention," and I attend to stand by that decision.
You two are adorable. Love the young men's conversation. As a gen- X'er, I have a lot of gay male friends that I just see as my bothers. Attraction is not there, kind of like family.
Iâm currently trying to be friends with a straight guy who I think is great, we both have similar interests and great hobbies however, I feel like he is pushing me away because he thinks that it may turn into a romantic thing. Heâs always claiming that he is straight and almost never makes time to hang out with me, Iâm always the one reaching out to see if he wants to go somewhere ect, and like all I want is a friendship with him.
I wouldnât bother then and see if he notices or tries to contact you. If he doesnât feel that comfortable youâll never be able to have a good friendship. You shouldnât have to âtryâ to be friends, it should happen naturally
It means so much to me to see 2 same-sex loving guys just... be in a relationship and exist and chill. No drag queens, no harnesses, no circuit queens, no OnlyFans, no yasslaysis. I don't understand why this isnât more common.
as a gay guy I struggle to keep some friendship with other gays. it's kinda frustrating when they call me friend and one day they just decide to give a shot and once they find out that I'm not "romantically" into them, they move on and stop speaking to me...
I guess both gay or straight friendships are good and nice to have, I dont think it has to do with one being "better" than the other, I think it's a matter of them being DIFFERENT from one another but both good.
It's giving podcast vibes meaningful but short and sweet. I was listening while make my coffee and packing my lunch. Definitely enjoyed it. Looking forward to more. Have a great day guys!
i think a great topic to talk about in this podcast setting could be about sex energy in couples, like when maybe one needs more sex activity than the other. It's kind of difficult to be just in the same level as your partner, what are the odds am i right? But how your work with that it's so interesting to talk about and bring like awereness about it.
As a gay guy, friends are friends no more no less and it depends their behaviour and attitude if it doesn't suit me so we're done just that ,so gender ,nationality, religion whatever they are not matter at all đđ
It's nice to hear about another person's experiences. Almost all my friends are queer. I'm from Brazil and here, at least where a live, I found really easy to make LGBTQ friends. Even though we don't have the safest spaces do live our lifes we still put effort to make the best we can.
I'm a polyamorous pansexual women and I think the lines between friendships and relationships, feelings, ect. can get really blurry sometimes considering I find attraction to all kinds of people. BUT I've also had the problem of some people assuming I'm attracted to someone just because of my sexuality when that's not the case. I still crave connection and intimacy which I definitely don't find in everyone. Communication and honesty is key. I've noticed that I don't have many queer male friends, as much as I'd love that. Most of my queer friends are females and they are all very close to me. I've always kind of felt more comfortable around my queer friends than my straight friends but I've never really felt it hard to build friendships with someone based on their sexuality.
Try being an "older man" around young men. Try talking to one. Ha! They have your agenda already running through their mind, and you have not yet met. Follow my drift? Maybe I enjoy male people, the company of male people. Maybe I want to know things about young people, what music do they listen to? What films have they seen? It's not always about their dicks. I can really like someone whose dick I have never met. It's possible. It's possible I don't like your hair as much as I like your enthusiasms. It's entirely possible I am not looking for sex. Sex is easy to make; making new friends is harder (pun). I read often about Zoomers, they seem less constipated than Mills. But just as often I am intrigued: why do you think that? What makes you think that? What do you think about... that? Conversation is very "sexy." We can have a zipless conversation and part feeling very satisfied. Young boys do have agendas. To get off as often as they can. You are right to assume someone your age has an agenda. Don't you? But don't project your agenda onto someone else you don't yet know. Don't blame the community of gay guys for the eternal hard on. You came with it pre-installed
What a great conversation, it is honest, simple, relatable and you two have a great chemistry. Btw, thanks for changing the mics đ€ these new ones don't steal your spotlight. Ryan, it's great that you love coffee so much. It'd be fantastic if you could try Honduran Coffee and let us know what you think, it's becoming popular in some cities here in the States.
There is just SOOOOO much to unpack on this topic. Keep up the discussion! Please!!! I just asked my best friend if he would consider exploring the idea of us becoming romantic. Bottom line: he needed to say, "no" but had a difficult time doing it because he just has difficulty saying no to someone he cares about so much. I finally realized he was struggling to say no. I still ove him, and we are outwardly and verbally commited to our friendship. It's really nice to have such a special friend, that I love so much, and who really is "just a very close friend." I don't regret asking, and the experience strengthened our friendship. I also know that "if" we had experimented with romantic intimacy, and iff it then, didn't work out. I know we would still have managed to be friends.
Great watch as always! And i concur with the work thing, most of my friends these days are either people i went to University with, or people i worked with and got along with to the point that we started hanging out outside of work. So those are the people i mostly hang out with regularly then everyone else is like friends and family from back home spread across the world coz i only moved to Canada in 2014. I find its definitely hard making lasting friends outside of like the Uni environment coz in Uni you would come across new people every other week and almost form a little circle meanwhile with work and general hobby activities you probably meet people you hang out with all the time but not necessarily becoming as close, like Ryan was mentioning the hard part is "maintaining" and as you also mentioned there is also a big difference between coworkers you are friends with versus coworkers who are maybe just friendly but you wont ever hang out with them outside of work. Again thanks for a great listen as always and happy Sunday everyone
I've just find you guys through this video, I really liked the topic because it's something I've struggle. I'm really shy, so naturally for me it's hard to make new friends, and I work solo from home, so I don't have coworkers. But I would really like to have new friendships with queer people, I know there would be a lot of things we could share that straight people may not want to. But it's deffiitely not that easy to build that trust with people right away. I've even used Grindr just to look for friendships... but it hasn't turned out that good, haha. Cheers, guys! Keep it up. New sub here.
As a bi guy, I grew up making friends with all different types of straight people. I have 2 gay friends I hang out with once in while. Platonic friendship is much easier for me. I don't understand how you actual make queer friends that aren't former or current coworker friends? Would love bi friends though. I have zero of those.
Being bi is sometimes so annoying. Both genders are hesitant in having a long term relationship bc âwhat if u want the other gender? I can satisfy that needâ it sometimes hurts hearing that cause the relationship isnât all about sex
@@what.are.you.doing.stepbro there is some truth in that, but acceptance for bi people over time gets better over time. A lot more positive representation of bi guys in media. If you are interested in dating women, out bi women makes up 3X times as bi men. Overtime, there might be more bi guys who come out in high school like the Nick character in Heartstopper. Less suppression & maybe aware about it then.
So, I left an organized religion about a year ago. I had to leave family and friends I grew up with behind, so essentially I started from scratch. I started going out quite a bit, participating in hookup culture, finally saying yes to invitations of friends who weren't part of the religion. I've met some cool people through these experiences and have developed unique bonds with a few of them, yet I don't feel they are as deep as the friendships I had growing up. I don't know if it's my won heart not making space for them, or theirs for me, but it just usually seems to hit a wall.
Yo yo back here again †BUT all in all our community can do better and I think deep down we all know there are shortcomings in the community and we can do better đ«¶đŒ
This is the first video of yours I've seen and I really like this conversation. I'm 30 and most of my irl friends have moved away in the past few years, and I'm self-employed and work from home, so I've been having a really hard time socializing and making new friends lately. I hope I can get lucky like you guys did after moving do Vancouver and making so many new friends. I've been pondering moving to a bigger city in hopes that I'd meet people more easily there (and also because they have great parks, which my city doesn't have), but I just don't have the means to move right now. Buuuut my sibling's partner is a part of this small group of ace people who do meetups and they invited me to join, so tomorrow I'm meeting them for the first time. I'm really hoping to make friends with someone there, so wish me luck! About being a bi person (I'm bi in the ace spectrum) and having straight or queer friends, personally, even though I live in a city that is not that big, most of my friends are queer. Back in high school, when most of my LGBT classmates and I didn't even know we were queer, I ended up in a friend group that in later years we found out had only 2 cis straight people among 6 of us. I feel like I naturally gravitate towards other queer people, or at least people who are open and are used to being around LGBT people. I just can't relate to those who are very traditional I guess.
I worked in an office for 3.5 years (Iâm also naturally introverted), and recently I got a new job that is full-time remote. Itâs been a struggle to keep in touch with people from my old job. Itâs till an adjustment working remotely. The way I see it from my perspective is âout of sight, out of mind.â Which is kinda sad when Iâve been putting in some effort to stay in touch and try to organize get togethers. Iâm starting to come to the conclusion these co-works arenât really friends. Itâs also hard to make friends in your 30âs as is. Thanks for sharing your thoughts boys. đ€
Mostly gay here. High school and young adult life my friends were mostly girls and queer women. I would get along ok with some gay men but never did well in groups of them. Nowadays my best friendships are with straight men because I tend to have the most in common with them. Groups of gay men still make me anxious af
Also, as a Bi guy, I think it does matter, its hard to make friends. I find I have more straight friends in the day to day because after you get past the sexuality it's just platonic and eaiser. But my queer friends are a necessity as well. I find that sometimes you need a good gay BFF. But saying that as a Brit, I love them all equally. Without ever telling them.
Iâm gay but find it easier to become friends with other gay dudes. I just avoid anyone who is too woke, obnoxious or is a sleazebag like Ryanâs culinary âfriendâ. Also, quality > quantity.
It would be interesting if you talked about open relationships. I donât want to assume but I think you guys are in a monogamous relationship. It would just be interesting to hear your perspective.
it is harder nowadays to make friends due to the internet as before those days everyone pretty much had to go out in order to meet someone even if you sometimes answered or posted an add in the local gay newspaper and for that reason there was much more personal interaction. Additionally, I agree with Ryan that it is tough to keep in touch with friends when changing jobs or moving. I myself am in the middle of both and thus I only have two gay friends who moved from my area a few years ago. But I have a plan and hope to find myself in a better situation by fall. Great video by the way and wonder if you plan on any trips this summer?
I don't know what it's like to live in the north, but here in the south, being bi means falling in love with someone and then finding out what they have between their legs... It must be the weather or nature...
Great conversation! (RE aesthetics, the dude on the left has these red horns sticking out of his head for much of the video. Once I saw that I couldn't stop focusing on it!)
Interesting. I think it is very possible to have gay friends... I mean, just because I'm gay it doesn't mean I'm interested in every existing male and vice-versa. Me and my husband do have fairly good amount of gay friends, some are close by an others live on the other side of the ocean. I would say I'm not attracted to the majority of them, but even if I did I would put them in the "DO NOT TOUCH" area lol HOWEVER About a year ago we met this awesome and attractive couple in a party, we kept chatting and eventually went to bed with them... BUT, prior that we had many great friendly moments together that we felt preserving a friendship was way more valuable that just hooking up, getting bored, and then dissapearing. We are still friends, I would say attraction still exists, but the boundaries are clear, and there's no messy feelings. As you guys said, if there's clear communication, trust, and respect for the agreements and rules you've set with your partner there shouldn't be an issue with having gay friends, even if you already hooked up with them lol
I tend to build better bonds with gay men as a majority of my guy friends are gay. Even my boyfriend says gay guys are more chill, fun to hang out with and less drama then his straight guy friends!
As a gay guy, I don't care if my friends are straight or gay, but having gay friends is really hard. 100% of gay guys I meet end up wanting only one thing... while I don't. And straight guys most often do not feel comfortable with gay friends. It basically sucks. Also Dallas is not very friendship inducing.
something that was definitely skipped over in the hookup part is generally sexism. Women are taught to be afraid of men. Women are taught to repress their sexuality.
I'm sometimes guilty of having more than platonic feelings for some people I meet, but it dies down quickly and I don't act on any feelings right off the bat with that being said, I don't find it too difficult to make queer friends because just because we relate in some way, doesn't mean I'm immediately attracted to them like that and with straight people, it's pretty easy too because I've always done it lol
as someone who works in this service industry, I wanna say its a REAL job. its ok if we don't work conventional hours (9-5) but I understand what he meant about people working more professional white collar jobs at the beginning.
I bought that carafe from kinto that you recommended and love it so thank you! Also I am queer and I think I am 50/50 with straight vs queer friends and I am close with both, but I definitely find it easier to get close to queer people than I do straight people
im currently talking with someone who admits he is bisexual and i can't stop overthinking about whether he likes me or not. He said he does, but as an over thinker and someone who never been in a relationship before, it terrifies me. what should i do?
Taking good care of your hair, dress, and complexion can be an indication of not-just-straight. But, respect for your general inclination and specific disinclination can be a good foundation for possible friendship, right?
The Colombians have done an excellent marketing job to sell their coffee. Their marketing is so good that today Colombian coffee has become synonymous of good coffee. But the country of coffee and the best coffee is still Brazil according to true coffee specialists. The country was known worldwide for its good coffee, But unfortunately Colombia invested in marketing while Brazil bet only on quality like Apple does. But that didn't work.
Come as you are, be true to yourself. I'll be friends with anyone I think is an interesting, good person that I "click" with in the sense that there's a rapport or commonality that connects us. If its a platonic friend, friend with benefits or ex-lover - I don't care so long as we get along and no one is being betrayed. *Oh, dunno if its relevant but I'm totally gay lol - most of my friends are gay, some are bi, one is straight.
Yeah, Men are sex and sex and sex and sex! believe it! Although sometimes, 2 men can sleep with each other once or twice and then become friends. Heteros are no different.
I`m from Brasil and I`m kinda surprise how some of our bi or lgbt+ experience in general are kinda like the same, even if some different cultural baggage
As a bi guy, I am platonically in love with all my friends.
Same here, we are all lovey-dovey, my straight friends and my LGBT friends are all so close, but in my case my culture play a role on why we are like this.
Hahahah oh I know that feeling.. being a gay guy đ
We should date.
@@N000T who? Me? I mean say less but I live in Turkey đ
Same. I'm gay, but I'm Biromantic. So, I crush on almost all my friends and strangersđ€Łđ€Łđ€Ł
its lowkey hard making friends as a queer person in general, sometimes i wish it was easier đ thank you for the podcast
True
this is so true đ especially to the ones who are not outdoorsy
yah because they all assume you will try to hit on them, where in fact you really just need a friend, "and they are not your typeđ€Ł
@@HumanSagaVault Yes and if the don't 'leik' you that way, they'll tend to ignore you. I've sometimes come across again and say hello, had a few say after long time, that I was keen on them. Thought bubbles: "Your ego's too big and NO, I didn't."
Tbh if u donât like Make it a personality trait you can be friends, just be aware that straight people especially of the same gender arenât gonna like u being touchy etc
OMG the whole act more effeminate and "gay" around women to make them feel more comfortable thing is so true. Despite the fact that Bi guys are just as capable of attraction to women as straight guys, the Bi guys "gayness" is somehow disarming and makes women feel more comfortable despite them both being equally capable of attraction.
I find it hard and inauthentic for me to lean into the more fem side as a bi guy.
I think one has to take care in giving women the wrong impression, that bi guys are not 'a threat' in the same way straight guys are. It's also leaning into erasure, suggesting that bi guys are really just gay.
agree
â@@andrew20146 totally agreed, bi visibility is very important for both straight women & gay men to acknowledge, & all other parts of the lgbtq+ spectrum
@@andrew20146 exactly I came here to say that. Iâm being my masculine normal self.
As a woman, I only have female friends. The majorty of women aren't interested in having a 'gay best freind' or having male friends in general.
It's really difficult making friends post-college. I am still trying where I live. Social anxiety does not help. I hope one day to finally have a queer community to engage with.
Really? I found it a lot easier to find people in online communities cuz all of my other college/law school friends are most definitely living their own busy lives atm. I just went to 5 concerts with friends this year and 4 weddings this month alone and only one of these was with someone I met in law school, the other were long time discord friends I met playing a game or on reddit/twitter. I feel like in this day and age the only way you don't have friends is if you sit back and expect some type of main character moment where people will be the ones to actively look for you.
it happened to me as well, and even after college, I stopped hanging out with my childhood friends bc life happened. So I only had two very good friends and still do, but I began attending this queer cafe, that had a drawing club, and they've now become some sort of friend group and meet up every saturday, go to events together and yeah, hang out in general.
My advice is to focus on your hobbies, and maybe find or take interest in an already existing group of people in a queer environment, I am sure you'll be able to at least find one friendly face to get along :).
as a gay man who respects all of his friends, it always makes me sad when I want/think I have a genuine friendship with another queer man and after a while they try to hit on me. Thank you for sharing this
as a bi woman myself i gotta say yes and no lol but in all seriousness the line between platonic and romantic is sometimes blurry although it's just a matter of communication, just like it would be in any friendship or relationship
THIS. Wish i was more clear for me :p def feel like it makes relationhing more crazy and overwhelming
As a bi 17 year old who is confused af this episode SLAPS cheeks. Thank you
Iâm a 19 year old bi and what Iâve learned in the last few years is that girls are wayyyyy better for relationships. Guys are 20 times more likely to cheat on u. And straight friends are also way better. Gays are really over dramatic and judgmental
@@keyshawnhughes3223 What an unnecessarily mean thing to say to someone you don't even know
I'm bi and 17 too lol
â@@EdinamDeanhe meant like a reality checkđ
I'm 18 and bi. Virtual high five â
Something I've realised is happening recently, after I have started a new job, is girls wanting to be my friend just because I am a gay man, despite us having nothing in common at all. It's a pessimistic view and its not to say that I am the bees knees lmao but sometimes, as a gay man, it is easy to tell when I'm being fetishised. I've had a few people, some closer friends, damage my self confidence by insinuating that my queerness is the only quality they see in me; as if that is all I am. It makes being friendly to coworkers and making new friends that little bit harder, because I don't know if they actually like me or if if they just want a gay best friend :/ great convo as usual guys!
'despite us having nothing in common at all' - tea
Elder /retired gay here living in large city with many gays . I've had many gay guy friends over the years, lesbian friends, straight women friends. As an adult few straight guy friends except some childhood friends. Now I need to make new friends because mist have died or moved away. Finding friends in retirement has been hard. Your video is good.
Itâs sad that there are a lot of people in the rainbow community, particularly gays or bis, are requiring âgood looksâ and be a âgood catchâ just to be âfriendsâ. But we know that they are requiring thay because they have underlying agendas (eventual hook up) rather than offer actual and genuine friendships. Unfortunately, here in the PH, the community has been very toxic due to those ârequirements.â I can be more genuine and be myself with my straight friends.
Did you ever stop to think that Tom and Giselle each had an agenda? He wanted someone attractive to bed. She wanted someone attractive to produce attractive children. He wanted someone famous. She wanted someone famous. He wanted his girl to be feminine. She preferred a masculine boy. Some Pedigrees only like Pedigrees. Some Mutts only date Mutts. Sometimes, Pedigrees go for Mutts, Lady and Tramp stuff. Most people have some idea of the kind of food they would like for dinner. Some restaurants require reservations. There are agendas in the world. So what? It's easier to grocery shop with a list.
â@@jackmason4029But is not so nice when most people aren't sharing your agenda.
I have only one gay friend, as a gay man, who is literally my bestie and we love each other platonically. There were feelings at one point, but we have both fallen in love with other people and genuinely moved on. We have never hooked up, or been romantic with one another. As long as their are clearly set boundaries and a lot of emotional maturity than it can happen.
I have also had many gay friends for only a few months because they only wanted to have sex with me and im just not a fan of casual sex (which is also very rare to find in the gay community). It is rare to find, but if you are a gay man it is possible to move on from that person you really thought was the one! Like frfr, there are a lot of fish in the sea.
Same here, Iâve only got one gay friend, neither of us are interested in each other, he got married a few years ago, the rest of my friends are straight and I like it coz thereâs no tension
Agreed. As an ugg, it is much easier to make friends with straight people and they are much better friends anyways.
*this was the best podcast you guys have ever done together . . . very relaxed & comfortable, poignant conversation*
"Do a limp wrist" - that made me lol so hard. đ€Ł
I cackled đ
I loved this conversation. Hearing you delve a little deeper into your views on your queerness and how it impacts your world is so interesting. I think you are the only bi couple I follow, so makes me happy to see the representation. đ
Interesting convo, guys. I think we all have different and unique experiences here. Regardless of having met my husband as teenagers and now being middle aged, I've never felt any sexual tension with friends gay or straight over the years. I've never really been instantly attracted to ppl where I would even theoretically hook up with someone. I always find attraction builds over time when you get to know the person, and my husband and I have so much fun as a couple that we've been effortlessly monogamous for thirty years. I love that bc it feels really special to have that between us. It adds to the chemistry. I always think 90 percent of what happens in the bedroom starts outside the bedroom, i.e. flirting, joking, being playful and sweet etc.
With that out of the way, we're open to all sorts of friends, but we find that we mostly know other couples, straight or gay. What can be tricky is that straight women and gay men don't always find us to be gay enough for their liking, and straight men don't find us straight enough for theirs. Society has acceptable roles for straight and gay guys, and we fall in the middle.
We found it the easiest to make friends in our 30s, bc most ppl were just meeting and dating whom they were going to marry, but they all still liked to hang out in the city and have fun. Now, everyone's dispersed, some have kids, some are far away, and those who are local are so busy with work and family that we can't make spontaneous plans (which we prefer) but have to put dates on the calendar weeks in advance. That's super annoying. We can keep busy, but we just don't have the circle of friends we had in our 30s.
I don't stress about it though. Happy to see friends or family when possible and have a million interests to pursue on my own time. Plus we do so much as a couple.
Cheers guys
I looked at your photo.
Middle aged. Really ? Hot forties. đ Life is just starting. đ . Ciao.
From a 65 year old. Who saw the last 25 years fly by in a flash đź.
â@@louisdewit4429 ahhh the photo is getting old, probably ten years old. I need to update! But honestly I don't look all that different. My husband and I are aging very gradually. No kids, don't drink, don't smoke, no drugs, exercise moderately but not fanatically. I think it's working! I'm cool with getting older gradually. Still waiting for that chest hair to grow in but I think it's never gonna happen haha!
65 is a great age. Just met a really nice straight married couple on an airplane that's 65, they rock climb and bike, and they already invited us over!
@@tstieber - Happy for both of you. đ Ciao.
A chat featuring you two? Iâm all ears. (Slurps coffee)
đ€
Very topical. Making friends in a big city is difficult. When I moved to LA in the late 70âs I didnât know what I was getting into. I didnât have a car so it did limit my range of experiences. I was able to make friends through work which made life more bearable. Also back then being gay and out was not advisable. Now after 40+ years in LA I have made many friends and acquaintances however I can safely say I can count on one hand true and lasting bonds which I am truly grateful for.
I know you guys are so unbelievably busy but I always appreciate your little podcast episodes! Even if they were unedited, I'd listen to the entirety!
As a Gay guy, I've always found it easier to make friends with straight guys. I don't know if I was just fortunate to meet the right guys but, there was more sexual activity with them than Gay guys I've known. There just seems to be something about guys that a lot of them if they know there's an opportunity for sex and you happen to be in the right place at the right time, things will happen. I believe in the motto that "a straight guy is just a 6 pack away from his first Gay experience".
LOL you know what, I dunno what it is but back in high school my gay friends were just pals but a few of my straight friends were like "hey, you wanna mess around?" haha completely anecdotal but I hear ya. :P
I'm gay and pretty masculine. I have no problem making friends with straight guys. It just flows more naturally for me.
That's kinda hot
As a gay man, I have more straight male friends than women. They don't treat me differently because, in everything they do, I do as well such as gaming, sports, bonding, and the like. That's why I don't have any relationships even today because I'm content with my accepting pals. On the other hand, I am having difficulty befriending gays, and I still don't know why. (Even if I'm open to it.)
You just described me. Lol. I have a hard time connecting with gay men.
@@JohnByeBye You know, every year when People, Inc announce their choice for sexiest many ever alive, I always think those editors don't actually care for sexy men. Otherwise, why would they pick that fat slob? Sexy he ain't. Ugly he is. Only this past year have we had a sexy man ever alive who actually is a sexy man. A very sexy man. Now I can die happy. They finally got one right. Not since the days of John Kennedy Junior has there been a sexy man on the sexy man People cover. Phew!
@@JohnByeBye Hahaha its nice to know you then! :)
@@JohnByeBye I know it's weird to make gay friends while being gay hahaha I don't know if it only happened to me but I've had very bad experiences with other gays so far I don't have friends who are also gay because they usually ended up liking them or something like that aside I kind of feel that despite That I'm gay I don't fit the stereotype I mean I'm not almost feminine I go to the gym I have all heterosexual friends and the truth is that I personally feel that male friends are much more loyal than women so I almost don't hang out with them and the rest of the gays I know for me they are very conceited or they directly feel like victims of the world and that is why it has happened to me that many of my friends when they found out that I was gay distrusted but over time they trusted me and many end up telling me that they had bad experiences with other gays Because they harassed them I feel that this is a problem now that many gays believe they are untouchable because if they do something to them they would accuse them of homophobia. The truth is my straight friends are the best and sometimes if someone makes me attractive but nothing beyond that, the truth is I am very comfortable with them
I also had straight male friends. It is even hard for me to identify if someone is gay or not because I never care about the preference of the others. Because I never had too much contact with gay people, I never had a relationship. Also, i don't feel attraction to people who don't like me first and because no one ever approached me, it gots more difficult for me.
I dont think is hard making friends. But sometimes people are so on the "are we friends or just friendly" (like you said) and the other thing is caring what other think about having friends as gays (they just wanna f*ck around) why people care so much what other think. At the end you also get trapped on the stereotypes that others build.
(OVERSHARING HERE BUT I FEEL COMPELLED LOL sorry)
Tapping into the âgays cant be friends with other gaysâ concept. Iâve always heard people say that itâs because of the high possibility of sexual attraction but for me personally, I found it hard to simply connect with other gay folks. I think it stems from not growing up around a lot of them and connecting with straight female friends was easier solely because of similar interests. I came out during 2011 gay tumblr era (a whole subject in itself that needs to be studied one day haha) and for whatever reason, at the time, it felt like gays were always in constant competition with each other over anything and everything. And me, afraid of any failed friendships at that age, strayed away from the community as a whole.
Not sure what my point is here. But as Iâve gotten older, my queer circle is still small, but Iâm definitely more open to making new friendships than I was before. Despite having more straight friends, itâs always nice to identify with people and sharing experiences that most people wouldnât understand.
Anyway, thanks for speaking on this. Itâs something Iâm interested in dissecting myself but didnât know where to start. You sparked that for me. Love you both. **limp wrist**
Justin, it's okay to overshare on line. Just don't do it for real. I had friends in high school, like sweater fuzz balls. They were just always around. College was like hitting a jack pot. Queers and dykes and fags. OMG. Coming out the spicket, like water. After graduation, thump. Nada. As in where did they all go? Talk about abandonment issues. I had a new apartment in a new city with a new job. Some bozo moved into my place and stayed for 16 years. But what I really wanted was a friend. Not just any friend, a good friend, a best friend. I still do, and it's been decades in this apartment in this city, now retired from work. Still no good friend. Mr 16 years is about the only person I still have to talk to, long distance, but a lover is not the same as a best friend. You can trust a best friend. Most men do not have friends, certainly no one close. It's a man thing. Women will latch on to anything. That's how they married. Women aren't real discerning. Just make me a woman, big man, make me a woman: give me a baby, then my life will be complete. But for some reason, men aren't like that. Men want authenticity. That a hard one. So most guys due alone. Boo hoo. I love being single. That's my carton of eggs. That's my milk. That's my ice cream to do with what I please. And so forth. I don't have to eat when you are hungry. I don't have to roll over and play dead or get another headache that's killing me (it was never a headache that was killing me in that relationship...). I can read all night. I can watch Film Noir all night. I can eat ice cream all night. I am not sleepy because it's your bedtime. I have dirty stories waiting for my "attention," and I attend to stand by that decision.
You two are adorable. Love the young men's conversation. As a gen- X'er, I have a lot of gay male friends that I just see as my bothers. Attraction is not there, kind of like family.
Iâm currently trying to be friends with a straight guy who I think is great, we both have similar interests and great hobbies however, I feel like he is pushing me away because he thinks that it may turn into a romantic thing. Heâs always claiming that he is straight and almost never makes time to hang out with me, Iâm always the one reaching out to see if he wants to go somewhere ect, and like all I want is a friendship with him.
That sounds like insecurity from his part, that's sad.
I wouldnât bother then and see if he notices or tries to contact you. If he doesnât feel that comfortable youâll never be able to have a good friendship. You shouldnât have to âtryâ to be friends, it should happen naturally
EXACTLY â@@TayWoode
It means so much to me to see 2 same-sex loving guys just... be in a relationship and exist and chill. No drag queens, no harnesses, no circuit queens, no OnlyFans, no yasslaysis. I don't understand why this isnât more common.
Loving this format. Feels like weâre all getting coffee together and just relaxing. Hope you get to perfect your coffee blend Ryan!
Not to be pushy, but Iâm still waiting on that video on how you and Ryan met!
Like!!!!
as a gay guy I struggle to keep some friendship with other gays. it's kinda frustrating when they call me friend and one day they just decide to give a shot and once they find out that I'm not "romantically" into them, they move on and stop speaking to me...
do you have the same interests, hobbies, life experiences to begin with? friendships actually take a lot more stuff to be organic
I guess both gay or straight friendships are good and nice to have, I dont think it has to do with one being "better" than the other, I think it's a matter of them being DIFFERENT from one another but both good.
Awesome conversation guys...thanks for opening up.
It's giving podcast vibes meaningful but short and sweet. I was listening while make my coffee and packing my lunch. Definitely enjoyed it. Looking forward to more. Have a great day guys!
i think a great topic to talk about in this podcast setting could be about sex energy in couples, like when maybe one needs more sex activity than the other. It's kind of difficult to be just in the same level as your partner, what are the odds am i right? But how your work with that it's so interesting to talk about and bring like awereness about it.
I second this! đ
As a gay guy, friends are friends no more no less and it depends their behaviour and attitude if it doesn't suit me so we're done just that ,so gender ,nationality, religion whatever they are not matter at all đđ
It's nice to hear about another person's experiences. Almost all my friends are queer. I'm from Brazil and here, at least where a live, I found really easy to make LGBTQ friends. Even though we don't have the safest spaces do live our lifes we still put effort to make the best we can.
Oh, he is not only well educated, but he sings also. I like listening to both of you and thank you for doing it.
That intro was crazy đ
I'm a polyamorous pansexual women and I think the lines between friendships and relationships, feelings, ect. can get really blurry sometimes considering I find attraction to all kinds of people. BUT I've also had the problem of some people assuming I'm attracted to someone just because of my sexuality when that's not the case. I still crave connection and intimacy which I definitely don't find in everyone. Communication and honesty is key. I've noticed that I don't have many queer male friends, as much as I'd love that. Most of my queer friends are females and they are all very close to me. I've always kind of felt more comfortable around my queer friends than my straight friends but I've never really felt it hard to build friendships with someone based on their sexuality.
Try being an "older man" around young men. Try talking to one. Ha! They have your agenda already running through their mind, and you have not yet met. Follow my drift? Maybe I enjoy male people, the company of male people. Maybe I want to know things about young people, what music do they listen to? What films have they seen? It's not always about their dicks. I can really like someone whose dick I have never met. It's possible. It's possible I don't like your hair as much as I like your enthusiasms. It's entirely possible I am not looking for sex. Sex is easy to make; making new friends is harder (pun). I read often about Zoomers, they seem less constipated than Mills. But just as often I am intrigued: why do you think that? What makes you think that? What do you think about... that? Conversation is very "sexy." We can have a zipless conversation and part feeling very satisfied. Young boys do have agendas. To get off as often as they can. You are right to assume someone your age has an agenda. Don't you? But don't project your agenda onto someone else you don't yet know. Don't blame the community of gay guys for the eternal hard on. You came with it pre-installed
I really like these casual chat episodes! Keep it up :)
How did you meet. First date story. How are you compatible. How are you not compatible, what do you fight about.
Thanks for this video, Joe. Keep up the good work.
thanks for watching! đ€
What a great conversation, it is honest, simple, relatable and you two have a great chemistry. Btw, thanks for changing the mics đ€ these new ones don't steal your spotlight.
Ryan, it's great that you love coffee so much. It'd be fantastic if you could try Honduran Coffee and let us know what you think, it's becoming popular in some cities here in the States.
There is just SOOOOO much to unpack on this topic. Keep up the discussion! Please!!! I just asked my best friend if he would consider exploring the idea of us becoming romantic. Bottom line: he needed to say, "no" but had a difficult time doing it because he just has difficulty saying no to someone he cares about so much. I finally realized he was struggling to say no. I still ove him, and we are outwardly and verbally commited to our friendship. It's really nice to have such a special friend, that I love so much, and who really is "just a very close friend." I don't regret asking, and the experience strengthened our friendship. I also know that "if" we had experimented with romantic intimacy, and iff it then, didn't work out. I know we would still have managed to be friends.
Omg the star spangled banner at the endđI was gonna say I donât know o Canada so Iâm impressed but some of the lyrics were a little offđ
Great watch as always!
And i concur with the work thing, most of my friends these days are either people i went to University with, or people i worked with and got along with to the point that we started hanging out outside of work. So those are the people i mostly hang out with regularly then everyone else is like friends and family from back home spread across the world coz i only moved to Canada in 2014.
I find its definitely hard making lasting friends outside of like the Uni environment coz in Uni you would come across new people every other week and almost form a little circle meanwhile with work and general hobby activities you probably meet people you hang out with all the time but not necessarily becoming as close, like Ryan was mentioning the hard part is "maintaining" and as you also mentioned there is also a big difference between coworkers you are friends with versus coworkers who are maybe just friendly but you wont ever hang out with them outside of work.
Again thanks for a great listen as always and happy Sunday everyone
I've just find you guys through this video, I really liked the topic because it's something I've struggle. I'm really shy, so naturally for me it's hard to make new friends, and I work solo from home, so I don't have coworkers. But I would really like to have new friendships with queer people, I know there would be a lot of things we could share that straight people may not want to. But it's deffiitely not that easy to build that trust with people right away. I've even used Grindr just to look for friendships... but it hasn't turned out that good, haha. Cheers, guys! Keep it up. New sub here.
As a bi guy, I grew up making friends with all different types of straight people. I have 2 gay friends I hang out with once in while. Platonic friendship is much easier for me. I don't understand how you actual make queer friends that aren't former or current coworker friends? Would love bi friends though. I have zero of those.
Being bi is sometimes so annoying. Both genders are hesitant in having a long term relationship bc âwhat if u want the other gender? I can satisfy that needâ it sometimes hurts hearing that cause the relationship isnât all about sex
@@what.are.you.doing.stepbro there is some truth in that, but acceptance for bi people over time gets better over time. A lot more positive representation of bi guys in media. If you are interested in dating women, out bi women makes up 3X times as bi men. Overtime, there might be more bi guys who come out in high school like the Nick character in Heartstopper. Less suppression & maybe aware about it then.
So, I left an organized religion about a year ago. I had to leave family and friends I grew up with behind, so essentially I started from scratch. I started going out quite a bit, participating in hookup culture, finally saying yes to invitations of friends who weren't part of the religion. I've met some cool people through these experiences and have developed unique bonds with a few of them, yet I don't feel they are as deep as the friendships I had growing up. I don't know if it's my won heart not making space for them, or theirs for me, but it just usually seems to hit a wall.
It's not deep because it's more physical and sexual. People in hookup culture treat each other as prey then dump and move to the next.
I like that you actively try to be less threatening to women đ
This is also giving âWhen Harry Met Sallyâ
Great discussion guys Basically it comes down to a trust issue no matter what gender one is
Yo yo back here again â€
BUT all in all our community can do better and I think deep down we all know there are shortcomings in the community and we can do better đ«¶đŒ
we can all be less shiddy đđŒ
This is the first video of yours I've seen and I really like this conversation. I'm 30 and most of my irl friends have moved away in the past few years, and I'm self-employed and work from home, so I've been having a really hard time socializing and making new friends lately. I hope I can get lucky like you guys did after moving do Vancouver and making so many new friends. I've been pondering moving to a bigger city in hopes that I'd meet people more easily there (and also because they have great parks, which my city doesn't have), but I just don't have the means to move right now. Buuuut my sibling's partner is a part of this small group of ace people who do meetups and they invited me to join, so tomorrow I'm meeting them for the first time. I'm really hoping to make friends with someone there, so wish me luck!
About being a bi person (I'm bi in the ace spectrum) and having straight or queer friends, personally, even though I live in a city that is not that big, most of my friends are queer. Back in high school, when most of my LGBT classmates and I didn't even know we were queer, I ended up in a friend group that in later years we found out had only 2 cis straight people among 6 of us. I feel like I naturally gravitate towards other queer people, or at least people who are open and are used to being around LGBT people. I just can't relate to those who are very traditional I guess.
I worked in an office for 3.5 years (Iâm also naturally introverted), and recently I got a new job that is full-time remote. Itâs been a struggle to keep in touch with people from my old job. Itâs till an adjustment working remotely.
The way I see it from my perspective is âout of sight, out of mind.â Which is kinda sad when Iâve been putting in some effort to stay in touch and try to organize get togethers. Iâm starting to come to the conclusion these co-works arenât really friends. Itâs also hard to make friends in your 30âs as is.
Thanks for sharing your thoughts boys. đ€
Hey, great to see you guys drinking coffee from my country!
Mostly gay here. High school and young adult life my friends were mostly girls and queer women. I would get along ok with some gay men but never did well in groups of them. Nowadays my best friendships are with straight men because I tend to have the most in common with them. Groups of gay men still make me anxious af
Also, as a Bi guy, I think it does matter, its hard to make friends. I find I have more straight friends in the day to day because after you get past the sexuality it's just platonic and eaiser. But my queer friends are a necessity as well. I find that sometimes you need a good gay BFF. But saying that as a Brit, I love them all equally. Without ever telling them.
Love your podcast, and you have radiant skin Joe!
Iâm gay but find it easier to become friends with other gay dudes. I just avoid anyone who is too woke, obnoxious or is a sleazebag like Ryanâs culinary âfriendâ. Also, quality > quantity.
@@Rage_Harder_Then_Relax rage harder⊠then relax buddy.
OMG this podcast is so good, I didn't even notice how it came to an end. Thank you very much for this video.đ
It would be interesting if you talked about open relationships. I donât want to assume but I think you guys are in a monogamous relationship. It would just be interesting to hear your perspective.
I assume the same and really like that about them, bc their focus is on making each other happy and treating each other well
it is harder nowadays to make friends due to the internet as before those days everyone pretty much had to go out in order to meet someone even if you sometimes answered or posted an add in the local gay newspaper and for that reason there was much more personal interaction. Additionally, I agree with Ryan that it is tough to keep in touch with friends when changing jobs or moving. I myself am in the middle of both and thus I only have two gay friends who moved from my area a few years ago. But I have a plan and hope to find myself in a better situation by fall. Great video by the way and wonder if you plan on any trips this summer?
I don't know what it's like to live in the north, but here in the south, being bi means falling in love with someone and then finding out what they have between their legs... It must be the weather or nature...
Love these! Have my coffee in hand
It's Ryan completely remixing the Star Spangle for me lmaoooo
Not the singing at the end đ
im a queer-albertan living in montreal and this is all so true. there are so many great people here but i just canât keep connections
Great conversation! (RE aesthetics, the dude on the left has these red horns sticking out of his head for much of the video. Once I saw that I couldn't stop focusing on it!)
When my son was in the army, his best women friends were always lesbians, because there was no sexual tension
Interesting. I think it is very possible to have gay friends... I mean, just because I'm gay it doesn't mean I'm interested in every existing male and vice-versa. Me and my husband do have fairly good amount of gay friends, some are close by an others live on the other side of the ocean. I would say I'm not attracted to the majority of them, but even if I did I would put them in the "DO NOT TOUCH" area lol HOWEVER About a year ago we met this awesome and attractive couple in a party, we kept chatting and eventually went to bed with them... BUT, prior that we had many great friendly moments together that we felt preserving a friendship was way more valuable that just hooking up, getting bored, and then dissapearing. We are still friends, I would say attraction still exists, but the boundaries are clear, and there's no messy feelings. As you guys said, if there's clear communication, trust, and respect for the agreements and rules you've set with your partner there shouldn't be an issue with having gay friends, even if you already hooked up with them lol
loved todayâs conversation. would love to see a video about both your tattoos and ryanâs tattoos!
I don't necessarily think that it's harder to have queer friends compared to straight friends. It's just a stereotype that gay people want to sleep with each other every time. It might be a cliché, but going to the "gayest" place in your city helps a lot when you want to make queer friends. I find that the internet is really good too (this is what I do most of the time). A lot of gay people are friendly and welcoming, so I just reply to their ig stories and such.
v appropriate to be sipping a super fruity coffee for this convo l o l
ahhh ive always wanted to make a documentary about this!! i love this podcast!
I tend to build better bonds with gay men as a majority of my guy friends are gay. Even my boyfriend says gay guys are more chill, fun to hang out with and less drama then his straight guy friends!
As a gay guy, I don't care if my friends are straight or gay, but having gay friends is really hard. 100% of gay guys I meet end up wanting only one thing... while I don't. And straight guys most often do not feel comfortable with gay friends. It basically sucks. Also Dallas is not very friendship inducing.
something that was definitely skipped over in the hookup part is generally sexism. Women are taught to be afraid of men. Women are taught to repress their sexuality.
I mean... queer and straight people also sleep with their friends. You already feel safe with them. It's not weird if you don't make it weird.
I'm Gay and I will always prefer Gay friendships â€đ§Ąđđđđ
I came for the coffee stayed for the conversation. :) Nice vid! Really interesting retrospect for everyone.
I'm sometimes guilty of having more than platonic feelings for some people I meet, but it dies down quickly and I don't act on any feelings right off the bat
with that being said, I don't find it too difficult to make queer friends because just because we relate in some way, doesn't mean I'm immediately attracted to them like that and with straight people, it's pretty easy too because I've always done it lol
Another great episode. Thank you to you both.
as someone who works in this service industry, I wanna say its a REAL job. its ok if we don't work conventional hours (9-5) but I understand what he meant about people working more professional white collar jobs at the beginning.
I bought that carafe from kinto that you recommended and love it so thank you! Also I am queer and I think I am 50/50 with straight vs queer friends and I am close with both, but I definitely find it easier to get close to queer people than I do straight people
I felt/feel whenever a conversation involved âsexualityâ and relationship, it gets complicated.
Old school or old fashioned? I may be.
As a gay guy, I feel like it takes a lot more effort to make gay male friends than straight ones from my experience.
im currently talking with someone who admits he is bisexual and i can't stop overthinking about whether he likes me or not. He said he does, but as an over thinker and someone who never been in a relationship before, it terrifies me. what should i do?
Taking good care of your hair, dress, and complexion can be an indication of not-just-straight. But, respect for your general inclination and specific disinclination can be a good foundation for possible friendship, right?
loved it guys, thanks for this incredible podcast!
love this session
LAST gleaming, not first gleaming. Also this video went by so fast! More please!
love these chats, joe! i was listening while drinking my vietnamese iced coffee đ
đđđ
The Colombians have done an excellent marketing job to sell their coffee. Their marketing is so good that today Colombian coffee has become synonymous of good coffee. But the country of coffee and the best coffee is still Brazil according to true coffee specialists. The country was known worldwide for its good coffee, But unfortunately Colombia invested in marketing while Brazil bet only on quality like Apple does. But that didn't work.
This was a beautiful chat thank you
At present, I honesty donât currently have a friend. This has me wondering if Iâve ever had one. Wish I could change that.
Come as you are, be true to yourself. I'll be friends with anyone I think is an interesting, good person that I "click" with in the sense that there's a rapport or commonality that connects us. If its a platonic friend, friend with benefits or ex-lover - I don't care so long as we get along and no one is being betrayed.
*Oh, dunno if its relevant but I'm totally gay lol - most of my friends are gay, some are bi, one is straight.
But if you slept with him knowing he was married, what does that say about you before casting judgment?
he didnt sleep with him
« How do we met » the only video i wanna see
this is so interesting thank u for sharing this
I love this. Please keep this coming
Yeah, Men are sex and sex and sex and sex! believe it! Although sometimes, 2 men can sleep with each other once or twice and then become friends. Heteros are no different.
I`m from Brasil and I`m kinda surprise how some of our bi or lgbt+ experience in general are kinda like the same, even if some different cultural baggage
I think the biggest thing is just be urself. :) Itâs a long road but eventually youâll find your tribe! I did! đâ€đ